feels bad brahs...
ask anything
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07-14-2010, 02:56 PM #1
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07-14-2010, 02:58 PM #2
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07-14-2010, 02:59 PM #3
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07-14-2010, 03:29 PM #4
been their bro, its hard i know, but the good thing all of this fades away, specially if u find someone else.
so stay strong and dont look back, although pretty sure she'll be contacting u in a mnth or 2 max, maybe less.
gl
edit: if u dont mind me asking,why did u break up??Cherish your life. Live to tell your story
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07-14-2010, 03:38 PM #5
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07-14-2010, 04:01 PM #6
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07-14-2010, 05:14 PM #7
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07-14-2010, 06:14 PM #8
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07-14-2010, 06:15 PM #9
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07-14-2010, 07:01 PM #10
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07-14-2010, 07:02 PM #11
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07-14-2010, 08:01 PM #12
I regret the amount of time and money invested. But I absolutely loved the girl and am still in love with her despite this ordeal. Thats what sucks azz the most.
I definitely didn't want to end things and still think she's dumb for throwing it away. But she said not only does she still love me, she's still in love with me. She just needs time to "find herself." wtf ever.
Well there is a bit of an age gap. So you could say it was that. I'm 24 and she's about to be 20. Part of the conversation we had dealt with the fact that she thinks I've had time to live my life and become who I am. That's crap though. I'm still changing. I'm about to go to grad school (yes I'm behind but whatever). Grad school where she goes to school no less. She claims she feels older than she should, and she should be having lots of fun whatever. "Lots of fun" doesn't mean fukkin guys and being a whore she says. I don't know how true that is nor do I want to think about how true it is.
In her terms its a "long break". To me, its us broken up and since the break is supposed to last at least 4 months I don't see any difference...except the notion that we may get back together. "Breaks" are supposed to be like a week or 2 weeks at the most. Any longer than that and you're finished. Which leads me to the most fukked part of it...she says she sees us having a family together down the road. A family that we've discussed many times, in front of both of our parents. Basically, this was my fiance that I had yet to propose to with an actual ring. It sounds dumb as fukk but thats what we were to each other.
Depends on your definition of far. I think you'll bounce back just fine.
thanks brah. strugglin
several reasons some of which mentioned above.
A certain Miley Cyrus song contributed to said break up. That's how dumb girls can be sometimes.
I can't listen to **** like that. It'll drive me to kill myself. It may make me a pussy but I'm an extremely emotional dude when it gets right down to it. I fall fast and I fall hard. An absolute curse if you ask me. Leaves you vulnerable as a mothafukka in the end. And I just got blindsided.
Hahah. Yes I play some scrub ball called semi-pro. It's really just a summer hobby. And unfortunately, I'm not the kind of guy that can drown my sorrows in liquor and women (no homo). I'm a traditional, old fashioned guy who has pretty strong morals when it comes to relationships. A bunch of random sex is not the way I roll...more for all you horndogs I guess. I think that's part of why I think this sucks so damn bad. Not that she is a whore, but I know she'll likely have sex with people during this break, and I have no motivation to be with anyone else. I was convinced this girl was the one, and in a way...still am.
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07-14-2010, 08:09 PM #13
Ask a guy who got emotionally devastated anything. I know how you feel, I am still ****ed up months later.
I'm somewhat similar to you in that I am pretty "moral" (I guess traditional) and don't find much in random hook-ups.
The truth is, chances are (almost 95% sure) she will hook up with at least 1 other person. I'm just being honest here. My ex was known to be a great/caring/nice/kind person and I found out that she had hooked up with people after we broke up. So, don't go diving for the information (knowing never helps despite what people think) and just let it be.
Let it be...let it be. Let it go and let it go again.
The relationships I see working out are ones where the girl wants the guy in her life a lot and doesn't constantly question her commitment (once or so is OK, but not like this).
Live your life, find a good girl who has a little experience under her belt and just have fun.
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07-14-2010, 08:14 PM #14
"I definitely didn't want to end things and still think she's dumb for throwing it away. But she said not only does she still love me, she's still in love with me. She just needs time to "find herself." wtf ever."
Lies, she met someone else , how do you not see this? cut all ties and move on as fast as you possibly can
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07-14-2010, 08:38 PM #15
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07-14-2010, 11:16 PM #16
- Join Date: Jan 2005
- Location: Fountain Valley, California, United States
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Keep ya head up, brah. I'm going through the same thing. She also wanted to take some time apart to figure things out. I don't see anything left in a relationship when a girl says this. Just get on with your life and if you treated her right, she'll think of you. You can't make someone love you, or want to be with you. Just let her go and get on with your life. Keep ya head up, man.
Last edited by daitrong; 07-14-2010 at 11:45 PM.
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07-14-2010, 11:29 PM #17
- Join Date: Oct 2004
- Location: Pennsylvania, United States
- Age: 40
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I won't say anything about the whole "break" thing as there are plenty of threads stating it's her having her cake and eating it too...but it's already healthy that you see it as meaning it's over. My breakup was 9 months ago and I still feel lost. My vision of my romantic future was taken away from me. But because of that I feel so much in tune with my own self and what I want out of life. I've tried dating again and whether it went good or bad it was an experience to help me grow. Same with meeting new friends, visiting new places, and taking up new hobbies I probably would not have done if she was still around. I might not have my romantic security anymore but I feel I've grown so much. My relationship with her might have failed but it also taught me what a LTR is about and my single time now is teaching me what I want out of life. No one likes pain but it's part of discovery. So basically I'm saying to do your appropriete grieving and then realize it's all about you now and go from there. Sorry you go to the same school as her. It's much easier when you have her out of sight and mind.
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07-14-2010, 11:37 PM #18
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07-15-2010, 05:19 AM #19
I understand I'm not supposed to let this derail my life, but I just don't see how that's not possible. As someone who's going/gone through this, I appreciate the advice. Everyone I know is saying pretty much the same thing, but when you're at a point that you absolutely can't comprehend your life without that person, its hard to listen and take it all seriously. For me I just want everything to go back to what it was. Her telling me she's still in love with me and still sees us having a family later on didn't help the situation. The fact that she chased me for two years before I finally gave her a chance, and now she ends it when we've pretty much convinced everyone we know we're meant to be together (including myself) is why this is so confusing. Thanks for the words. The pathetic thing is, I still want her. Despite what she's basically done to me, and my family which has been nothing but good to her...I still want her.
It's easy to think that, but I truly doubt that's the case. She insists she doesn't want relationships and isn't looking for anyone. If she wants to go out on a date with someone or see what the person is like, she would've said it. She's always been that kind of up front person. She doesn't like to lie because she doesn't like the way it always comes back to haunt her, and where we live, it would get back to me pretty quickly. Not to mention, she's living with her parents while she's home for the summer. Her parents absolutely love me, and they would never knowingly allow her to do something like that. Maybe she is creeping around though. On one hand I want to know if she is, and on the other I really don't see what it would help knowing. I'm just incredibly mind fukked right now and am in the strangest place I've ever been in.
Pretty much all solid advice. Like I said though, living a life without her seems impossible. I'll try, but I'm already struggling worse than even I imagined I would.
Thanks brah. Still just don't understand how a girl can tell you she's completely in love with you and yet needs to "find herself" more than she needs to be with you. Maybe that means she wants to fukk around and not feel guilty. I like to think she's not that kind of girl but who knows. Thinking about it only drives me crazy and yet its impossible to stop.
Feels bad man.
Yep. We've been doing long distance for about 2 years too. She wasn't the whole reason I chose to apply to grad school where she's at, but I'm not going to pretend like that wasn't a factor. Eventhough that school will still be great for my career, I hate the thought of running into her with another guy.
I actually started the conversation because she was acting distant. So distant in fact that my sister, my mother, and my father (who pretty much never gets into my personal affairs though I still love the man) asked me what was wrong with her.
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07-15-2010, 06:18 AM #20
I think someone else touched on it early, but I'll get a bit more technical.
When your girl suddenly wants a "break" from your relationship, it's because she interested in another dude. Plain and simple. If you do not have any evidence of this, you need to start digging because I'm sure you'll find it.
She wants the "break", because she still feels attached to you, so when she goes out with the other dude or bangs him, it will ease her guilt. Technically she's not cheating because she's on a "break" with your relationship. At least she can convince herself of this.
It's a justification device.
It's called cake eating.
She wants to test the waters and have you sitting on the bench. This way if the other dude isn't "the one", then she can call you off the bench back into the game. Right now you're 2nd string.
Pissed? You should be because you deserve better.
I don't know you and your girl, I can only give you an example of what I did when I was faced with your same situation.
My now wife, been married for 16 years, tried the same thing. Said she was totally in love with me, wanted to get married, start a family, yada yada, but she wanted to "take a break" from our relationship. I moved 2hrs away from home to be with her.
Found out there was this other dude she was fancying so I called her out.
Told her I knew what was going on and would not wait around for her while she "figured out" what she wanted. Told her I knew about the other dude and I would not be disrespected that way. I basically gave her two options;
1. Stay in our relationship and work on our issues
2. We were done, and I was moving back home.
Gave her 24hrs to decide.
She chose to stay and here we are 16yrs. later. The road has been bumpy along the way, but I've got no regrets.
Stand up for yourself and draw your line in the sand.
Yeah you've invested alot of time and effort in this one, but look at it this way; maybe she ISN'T "the one".
Peace, Good Luck, and keep us posted.Go Heavy, or Go Home!
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07-15-2010, 07:01 AM #21
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: Florida, United States
- Age: 46
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HTFU and enjoy dating the world. Two months out of a fourteen year relationship, including a 7 year marriage, nothing helped me over the last one like the next three.
They're all different, they're all fun, and you will find one you like better. Now that you don't give a f*ck, you hold all the cards - Drama? Laters. Female BS? Buhbye.
Go out there and make up for lost time. Dead srs.
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07-15-2010, 07:23 AM #22
Unfortunately it's exactly this...
My ex wanted a break so she could hook up with someone else.
Stupid bish.
I found it hilarious she tried giving me a months probation period where she "may return" if i have my shiit together LOL...
right after she'd been acting super shady being at "friends houses", getting a ********, and slutting it up at a bar etc.
I think women assume we are as naive as they are but when shiit gets real they do a 180 again
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07-15-2010, 07:32 AM #23
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07-15-2010, 07:35 AM #24
If you don't have a best male friend, you better get one fast. They are and forever will be the best post relationship people to chill with and to help get your mind over things. If he is single it will be even better b/c you won't have to split time w/ his woman and you wont get sad seeing him banging stable puss. Also if she tries to talk to you after this tell her straight up that she chose her path and now she has to walk it. Don't ever let a woman come crawling back after she took a self induced vacation from the realtionship. This behavior is unacceptable.
Stay thirsty my friend
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07-15-2010, 08:35 AM #25
It must be because I don't want to see it, but I really don't think there's a particular person she's got her eye on. Maybe she wants to test the waters and just doesnt know with who yet, but I'm pretty sure an ultimatum like that wouldn't help me. She's young, and this seems like immaturity and panic on her part. She is afraid our lives are planned out and she doesn't want things to go that way. That is what I got from what she said. In fact she said some of those things almost exactly.
I'm glad you and your wife managed to work out the problems, and right now my only hope is that I can work my own issues out and make this girl my wife too. To me, she IS the one, but I understand that it may just be the years of emotion invested telling me that. I guess time will tell. The thing that sucks is in times like these...time moves slower than a mothafukka.
Maybe at some point I will...but right now I can't really contemplate being with another girl. Don't really want to.
She's here for the summer for three more weeks. While its not impossible for her to have met someone she wants to hangout with or whatever, it would be somewhat difficult for her to pull that off and me not find out about it. Our relationship wasn't just something between us. My family, her family, many of her friends which were originally my friends are all invested into this. It's pretty much tearing sh!t up. I just don't know that she'd risk making herself look that whorish by going out with someone in front of a bunch of people that know me and are likely to tell me.
My guess is she's preparing for when she goes back to college and does all the dumb sh!t that college sorority girls do. Yes that likely means she will hook up with a few frat ****s and I can't stand the thought of it. But if that's what she has to do to "find herself" then whatever. It's her own dumbazz female logic (or lackthereof). I do admit that I was a bit of a jealous, paranoid boyfriend the past month. Moreso than I've ever been...my bad. But it was nothing that I think deserved this kind of consequence.
I'm doing a pretty good job of not contacting her or anything like that, and maintaining a somewhat positive appearance when I'm out and about, and on my ******** which is something we're both pretty active with. No pussy statuses or nothing. I just hope she finds out whatever the hell it is she needs to find out sooner than later, and I hope that I can get a little out of this break too. If that comes in the form of some strange poon...whatever. I don't really care whether I have sex with any chicks for a while or not anyways.
Maybe so. Might be a while before I try that out though.
I don't truly have a BEST friend, but I have a ton of GOOD friends. The one I'd pin closest as my BEST friend does have a gf, that he went through a rocky ass time with about a year ago too. They're pretty similar to me and my ex (hate referring to her as that) but he's a lot more laid back than I am. He's had his heart broken before and obviously has more experience than I do with girls. His gf was pretty good friends with my ex and we often went on lots of double dates and stuff.
Right now I'm just trying to stay strong. Doing a lot better on the outside than I am on the inside though.
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07-15-2010, 08:39 AM #26
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07-15-2010, 08:56 AM #27
Yeah dude, you just need to find a good bud to hang out and chill with.
Not saying hook up with a bunch of chicks, but just go out and meet a few.
Hang out chill, whatever. The nasty nasty doesn't necessarily have to be involved.
Your ex wants to explore, fine, you can't really stop her. No reason why you shouldn't either. Make sure she understands this also. Make it crystal clear you're not gonna be waiting around at home for her while she "finds herself".
See what else is out there and have fun.
Peace,Go Heavy, or Go Home!
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07-15-2010, 09:02 AM #28
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: United Kingdom (Great Britain)
- Age: 38
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ITT - we listen to another whores lies.
Quick briefing
- "I need to find myself" = I would like to try another cawk other than yours.
- "I dont want a relationship with others" = but i am willing to phuck some other dudes on the regular with no strings attached and without having to worry about you.
Reading this thread makes me rage....because ive heard those sorry excuses myself.
Forget Her - Aquire Flange
Forget Flange - Aquire Money
Aquire Both = profit
The idea of her phucking others is inevitable.....so just try and except that and move on asap. the quicker you move on the quicker you will piss her off with your ignorance towards her
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07-15-2010, 09:07 AM #29
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07-15-2010, 09:21 AM #30
I live in NW FL. Pensacola/Gulf Breeze to be exact.
Yeah. I'm sure at some point I'll be able to go meet new people and all that **** but right now...it just seems impossible. Nobody I just met is going to really respect or care about this **** anyways. And who wants to be that guy thats just tagging along with his friends so he doesn't slit his wrists at home?
lol Not me.
The worst thought that comes into my mind is this. That she wants to screw around without the feeling of guilt. I'm not naive enough to believe it isn't possible, or even flat out true, but its unbearable to ponder about.
And ignorance is probably one thing I'm pretty good at. I guarantee that in a few weeks or so, my pitiful sorrow will grow into a sense of betrayal and rage and it will be pretty easy to play it off. At least I hope so.
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