why does it take me so many wipes to wipe my butt clean after pooping

[Seann_]

Trim your ass hair, your hairy beast.

[Dawginitup16]

Shave your ass crack hair.


Flawless Victory.

[r3pme]

Shave your ass crack hair.


Flawless Victory.

how do i get a good view of my ass crack? i dont wanna cut my ass crack accidently, pooping would be PAINFUL

[Day_Monster]

thats because they talk so much sh!t instead

This. They don't build up enough pressure to fart either.

[snooter511]

I have a box of baby wipes by my toliet at home. A couple of wipes with them and you standard TP procedure = same cleanliness as a shower.


Edit: FFFFFUUUUUU

[crackyflipside]

Get one of these and you'll feel like wiping with only toilet paper is barbaric. Just wipe once to get clumps off ass, sit on bidet, spray water at your butt and clean it, wash hands, porn star clean.

[Dawginitup16]

how do i get a good view of my ass crack? i dont wanna cut my ass crack accidently, pooping would be PAINFUL

Shower.

[Foe1605]

FTW!

[Goat_187]

how do i get a good view of my ass crack? i dont wanna cut my ass crack accidently, pooping would be PAINFUL

nuke em with this:






smear that all over your crack, wipe it off when you smell the auroma of burned ass hair.
???
profit

[NotSureIfCereal]

Seriously? 5 years of mummy wiping it for you? I could wipe my own ass by the time I was 3 which was also the time I could wake up and put on my own clothes. I was also in pre-school by age 3. (yes started a year early)

strongest username to post content to thread topic ratio ever

[low1wank]

teeheehee girls dont poop

virgin detected

[ace333]

Trim your ass hair, your hairy beast.

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

[Huberus]

virgin detected

Says the guy reading through 5 year old threads.

[Flapjacko]

^^What the fuk

[TyBaseball]

10/10 thread would read again when bumped in 5 years

[ZeebruhRusltes]

Get one of these and you'll feel like wiping with only toilet paper is barbaric. Just wipe once to get clumps off ass, sit on bidet, spray water at your butt and clean it, wash hands, porn star clean.

this brah srs you'll be clean af

[BustaCapp]

anyone experience the same?

wipe after wipe, theres the same dark brown spot

Yup. Basically you have 'snapped the key off in the lock' and there is still a bit of turd in your angus.

[Kiwikind]

ive been wiping my butt for almost 15 yrs now and i never had this problem until recently

Your mum do it for you for the first 6 years, or were you just on that NoWipe time?

[Brynden]

masterrace checking in

[aintevenmad]

Eat more fibre, less protein, drink more water. Use baby wipes.

[maouam]

Hahaha lol made me think of this episode of Parks and Recreation. Chriss Pratt is gold. The chick in the back couldnt hold her laugh in.



http://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M

[UxDOWN]

Hahaha lol made me think of this episode of Parks and Recreation. Chriss Pratt is gold. The chick in the back couldnt hold her laugh in.



http://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M