So anyway after years of being made fun of, and after the bar fight that took place months ago. I lost it, told myself i would not accept natural order. so i went into isolation with one thing on my mind "get big behind closed doors"
I told myself i would get organized and that is just what i am doing. I quit my job at the zoo with no real plan in mind, cause lets face it a plan is just a list of things that dont happen. I now work at giant eagle surviving off the very minimum, just enough to self-sustain. I do the same thing everyday I lift, work, and sit around on the computer. Pretty much iam just waiting for a change.
But after a few months with no contact with family or friends. I lost track of everything. All i care about is gaining muscle. however no matter how in shape i get i am only as healthy as i feel. I have developed a strong hate for society. I am sick of the scum. By scum i am talking junkies, gangsters, pimps, ****s, rapists, robbers, dealers. I am fed up the crime and want to bring some justice to this sick world.
All i ever wanted was to a be a normal person just like everyone else, but no not me natural order wouldn't allow it. i understand what iam doing is unhealthy, but very few men actually stand up to the filth.
I have this bad idea in my head, might be a good idea in the long run. I have realized i will never be with a girl, i will never be the man my parents want. But what i can do is bring some good to this sick world. So if i goes well i hope to train hard in isolation for the next 5-10 years get huge, then go out to the slums of America and make my stand. Ill be that man who stood up and i will die alone.
Don't freak out misc, iam a good guy, i have good intentions. this is just a fantasy and a way to vent.
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