Erik's Log - Beating the Eating Disorder

[ErikTheElectric]

Hey Everybody!

Some of you may remember me from my pervious log that appeared on the main page of the “Nutrition” section of the BB.com forums a few months ago.
If not then I’ll fill you in on my past and most importantly CURRENT battle with an eating disorder that has plagued my life and the road that led up too it. I’ll start off with my story.

I like many other’s with an ED. Started off as a fat kid. Weighed in at 215lbs exactly one year ago (3/14/09). I was prescribed medication for my ADHD, which started causing my appetite to fade. The dosage was upped to 54 mgs per day which led to my life taking a DRASTIC turn for the better. My grades went up, my weight went down, and my social life was improving drastically as well. I ended up weighing in at 195ish by the end of the summer and when I got back to school a few people noticed my weight loss and it made me feel really good.

By then I felt I was still overweight. I also have had “Funny Nipples” ever since 8th grade. This is probably my most self-conscious and horrifying fear in my life. “Taking off my shirt, being shirtless, wearing solid light colored shirts have NEVER been an option to me. My own parents have barely even seen me without my shirt on! Unless it’s cold and my nipples are hard in which I feel like I can take my shirt off, when it warms up they puff up again and I quickly find an excuse to put a shirt on. I started starving myself on 500-600 calories. I ate a cup of yogurt and a power bar each day, and saw the numbers drop to 185 in the first month and was feeling like I was doing something right. But sometime around Christmas I discovered Bodybuilding.com and the forums here and quickly realized my horrible eating habits and the horrible effects they were having on my body, and also started doing soccer during the weekdays. I quickly changed my eating habits and exercise routines and my weight loss sped up even more over the next few months, and on 2/14/2010 I weighed in at 142.2 pounds!

Cliffs:
- Originally Obese (215 lbs – 5’8)
- Prescribed “Concerta” for my ADHD
- Severe Gynoclemastia
- Dropped a bunch of weight in unhealthy ways. (185 after Summer)
- Started dieting/exercising right after finding BB.com
- Got down to 142.2 pounds (2/14/10)

Here are some pictures of my weight-loss. All of these ARE taken when it was cold and when my “funny nipples” weren’t puffy and fat and disgusting. If I had taken pictures of them when they were in the their normal state I would’ve become really de-motivated in losing weight. If you’d like more insight on my past or would like more pictures I posted a thread in the motivation section, around 6 months ago that can be found here.
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=12241336

[ErikTheElectric]

Chest:





Side:

[ErikTheElectric]

Back:

[ErikTheElectric]

NOW

Fast forward to the current time and past 6 months of vigorous lifting ( 5 days per week) due to me being in weightlifting class in which I was REQUIRED to lift 5 days and run 5 minutes prior to lifting and Golf (Walkin/Carrying bag on the course – 2-3 days a week for 9 holes) and one day of HIIT cardio on the weekends which consisted of me running 6 miles. People started seeing my ribs through my shirt, and telling me that I was losing to much weight ect. I shrugged it off and kept dieting, I would eat 3 meals a day Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, and my calories were at 1300-1500 per day. Members on this board noticed some of my posts and messaged me about my eating disorder.
I started cutting down on cardio on the weekends, and started caring less in the gym while gradually upping my calories from 1300-1500 perday to 2200-2300 a day.

I took a break from logging and fell to the whole “LOW CARB” diet, I started back in my old ways in eating nothing but lean meats and fish, along with with massive amounts of fibrous veggies at dinner, and when I came back to logging was told I needed to up calories and carbs along with fats, because I was potentially harming my body and I was doing good for myself. I shrugged off everybody’s opinions and “Advice” after being “Negged” by a member twice, and being told I was a “Skinny Fat Anorexic” and that I needed to “Eat 2 Jars of PB per day, and If I didn’t do that I truly did not want to get healthy.”

Things like these truly discouraged me and caused me to fully STOP my log. I took 2 months off, and just said F*ck it and decided I’d stop worrying about my calories and stopped counting them. However, I still weighed ALL of my food, and still consciously counted calories in my head instead of on FitDay.com.

Cliffs:
- Signed up for weight-lifting class at school
- Kept Dieting
- People saw my ribs through my shirt, told me I was unhealthy.
- Shrugged it off
- Started a log on BB.com
- Started making progress on my calories (1500 Calories a day – 2300)
- Took a break from the log and fell on the low carb diet scam
- Grew afraid of eating carbs
- Stopped logging
- Still consciously counted calories

[ErikTheElectric]

NOW!

Folks, it’s time for a change. It’s summer and I’m 110% committed to beating the Sh*t out of this disorder that has caused me to live like a freak of nature for the past 6 months of my life. I’m tired of having NO sex drive, a terrible social life, and many other things that I’ll go into detail on further on down in the log.

My workouts have consisted of WAY to much volume. (35-45 Sets)
And I realize that I’m not fueling my body properly.

GOALS:

-My goals are to beat this disease and improve my overall health in the next few months, and if that means adding a few more pounds to my frame then so be it. But --I’d like it to be muscle.
-I’d also like to re-establish a healthy relationship with food again.
-I’d like to get a healthier blood pressure as well as my BP has been pretty low in the past few months. Lowest as of this week was 82/48, with a resting heart rate of 40.
-Just start LIVING LIKE A NORMAL TEENAGER AGAIN!
-Get rid of my Gynocemastia.
-Get my sex drive back.
-Stop Fearing fats/Carbs
-Many other things that I will go into once I get going with this log.

I’ll be posting daily hopefully with my macros and pics of hopefully each meal.
3 meals a day, I don’t snack as I’m not hungry between meals to snack.
Also another thing, I’m COMPLETELY open to constructive criticism. But I will not waste my time posting if I’m going to negged by narrow-minded people for “Not eating”. Or not eating two jars of PB day. This is simply stupid and it shows a real lack of knowledge for the disorder.

I’ll also be posting pics of me right as of this moment with my gyno hopefully tomorrow sometime if I get enough time. But for now I just wanted to get this up and running.

Workouts will be 4 days a week, Mon, Wed, Thurs, Fridays. These are my lifting days and I will be following Lyle McDonalds Routine. For cardio, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing yet. But I’m pretty sure I’m going to run before lifts, as I’m pretty sedentary outside of the gym. I’m in the house quite a bit.

Anyways there’s A LOT more to be said, but I just wanted to say Hi to everyone and get my “Log” up and running. Pictures, as I’ve said. Will be posted tomorrow, along with current weight and other stats.

Thanks for reading!

Erik

[Flyin Ryan]

It's go time. You know what you have to do to beat this thing. Now get your ass together and do it. Mentally prepare yourself now for criticism that you're going to face if you slip up and use it as motivation to KILL IT both in the gym and in the kitchen.

Fuel that body of yours with enough calories to get stronger and ultimately grow grow GROW. Like I said, you have my full support until you stop believing in yourself.

Tomorrow is a new beginning, bud. What are your nutritional goals for tomorrow? Macros and all.

[ErikTheElectric]

It's go time. You know what you have to do to beat this thing. Now get your ass together and do it. Mentally prepare yourself now for criticism that you're going to face if you slip up and use it as motivation to KILL IT both in the gym and in the kitchen.

Fuel that body of yours with enough calories to get stronger and ultimately grow grow GROW. Like I said, you have my full support until you stop believing in yourself.

Tomorrow is a new beginning, bud. What are your nutritional goals for tomorrow? Macros and all.

Ryan,

Thanks for checking out the log man. My macros I'm going to try and up slowly. Maybe I can get to 2,000 per day, maybe a little more.

For now I'm just trying to get comfortable around calorie dense foods. But I just want to get that to be one of my main goals from now.

Thanks for reading ryan!

Erik

[MJFan1]

Finally you're back! I'll be checking this log daily, good luck man YOU CAN DO IT.

[Flyin Ryan]

Ryan,

Thanks for checking out the log man. My macros I'm going to try and up slowly. Maybe I can get to 2,000 per day, maybe a little more.

For now I'm just trying to get comfortable around calorie dense foods. But I just want to get that to be one of my main goals from now.

Thanks for reading ryan!

Erik

Bolded a couple words that you stuck in there by mistake.
No worries man, 2000 cals is a bed time snack for me.
You should be getting no less than 2200 to start.
LETS DO THIS THING RIGHT!

[ErikTheElectric]

Hello again everybody!

Just wanted to pop in and show some pictures of my severe gyno before I hit the gym.
Just know that this is a HORRIBLY embarrassing part of my life and it's really rare for me to be telling/showing anybody it.
I hope I'm going to get ridiculed for it. But I'm going to be completely 110% honest with this log.

And this is the way to do it.

Here is probably the worst picture that I've come across.
This was in april.



And these I took today..





Well, that's my biggest fear right there guys. Finally, got that off of my chest! (No pun intended) :P

Off to the gym for a nice leg workout. Will be updating Pics later on tonight!

Peace

Erik

[MJFan1]

I basically have the same thing, and I'm only 117 pounds.. I just learned to live with it lol.

[Flyin Ryan]

In my honest opinion, you should be more embarrassed of the fact that I can count your ribs through your skin. No hate involved at all.

Think of it this way: Once you pack on some clean mass and actually build muscle in your chest... that gyno is going to vastly improve.

[ErikTheElectric]

I basically have the same thing, and I'm only 117 pounds.. I just learned to live with it lol.

Really? Your chest looks fine to me man.

In my honest opinion, you should be more embarrassed of the fact that I can count your ribs through your skin. No hate involved at all.

Think of it this way: Once you pack on some clean mass and actually build muscle in your chest... that gyno is going to vastly improve.

Yeah, I'd like to think that man. But it really needs to be looked at by a doctor. I've had it for 4 years now even when I was obese. This is the ONE thing holding me back from doing normal teenage things, and wearing normal clothes.

Pretty much I look at it as the last obstacle besides my ED that's really holding me back in life right now.

My mom's already called a doctor and we are looking at procedures. I'm so excited to get rid of this guys. So I can focus on living normally again.

Anyways, just got done with my new workout. Will be typing it up shortly.
Sad that USA lost 2-1.

Erik

[ErikTheElectric]

Had a "Different" workout today. Today was leg day and I cut down on the usual 35-45 sets that I usually do. I'll write it at the end of the post, but here's my plan.

I'm going to be following the "Lyle McDonald Generic Bulk" routine, as suggested to me by a user named "TheRosemeck". Check out his log on the nutrition page if you guys have time.

DA PLAN

Lifting/Exercise
-I'm going to be Lifting in the mornings on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Wednesdays I'll have off and I'll just do light cardio on saturdays.

-Mondays will be Chest/Bicep/Back days - Or my Deadlift/Bench days
-Tuesdays will be Legs/Tricep/Shoulder Days - Or my Squat/Ab days.
-I'll be doing 15 minutes of light cardio, before lifts and 5-10 minutes of walking after lifts.
-My sets are going to be in the 4-8 rep ranch, and I'm going to be doing no more than 5 sets for each body part.
-I'm planning on spending no more than 60-80 minutes in the gym as I'm working out before school (11:30 - 4:30).

Eating
I'm currently experimenting with this but I'm going to up my calories slowly and my goal is to be at 2800 by the end of the summer. I will most likely get there before then, but for now I'm just seeing what's happening.

I really can go an entire day without eating due to my medication and my low appetite. So hunger is never really a "Problem" for me. I could eat 1 large meal a day and that would work for me. I've seen many follow the "IF" diet, and I will be looking into this.

I think 3 square meals a day is getting to be the reason why my ED is winning the battle, I eat very small breakfasts and tell myself that I will make up for it later in the day with 2 "Big" meals. This never happens and I end up undereating, or stuffing my face with low calorie and fibrous vegetables.

For now, I'm just going to experiment like I said. But I'm going to make sure I get my 2k per day. Because as I've read on these forums countless times. Meal Frequency doesn't matter.

Just took pics and measured my BF. So I will be posting that along with todays workout hopefully very soon.

Thanks!

Erik

[ErikTheElectric]

Chest - Relaxed

Chest - Flexed

Side - Relaxed

Side - Flexed

[ErikTheElectric]

Back - Relaxed

Back - Flexed

Thigh - Flexed

I'll be taking more pictures in 5-6 weeks to show my progress.

[MJFan1]

Really? Your chest looks fine to me man.



Yeah, I'd like to think that man. But it really needs to be looked at by a doctor. I've had it for 4 years now even when I was obese. This is the ONE thing holding me back from doing normal teenage things, and wearing normal clothes.

Pretty much I look at it as the last obstacle besides my ED that's really holding me back in life right now.

My mom's already called a doctor and we are looking at procedures. I'm so excited to get rid of this guys. So I can focus on living normally again.

Anyways, just got done with my new workout. Will be typing it up shortly.
Sad that USA lost 2-1.

Erik

Trust me, my chest sucks other times. I'll send you a pic if you want once my camera phone works again..

[ErikTheElectric]

Just took some measurements

Thigh - 20"
Calf - 15.5"
Wrist - 8"
Forearm - 10"
Bicep - 11" Unflexed / 13" Flexed
Waist - 33"
Chest - 28"

Have to go to the store to refill a prescription, but I'll be updating my log with eats and workout details later. Going out to eat tonight so the eats should be good!
Thanks!
Erik

[baco_bacon]

Holy sh*t ... read it all. You've made tremendous progress so far.. keep up the awesome work!! You have a pretty solid physique to build off of right now... lean with decent muscle mass too, you'll be looking at these pics in a couple years and be amazed!! Along with your fellow classmates!

This should be an awesome log to follow. Subbed bro

[Fututre117]

im in too man do work bro i been following since the log in nutrition. lets beat this bro

[ErikTheElectric]

Holy sh*t ... read it all. You've made tremendous progress so far.. keep up the awesome work!! You have a pretty solid physique to build off of right now... lean with decent muscle mass too, you'll be looking at these pics in a couple years and be amazed!! Along with your fellow classmates!

This should be an awesome log to follow. Subbed bro

im in too man do work bro i been following since the log in nutrition. lets beat this bro

Thanks alot guys! I appreciate it!

[ErikTheElectric]

Workout for today (weight will be included in next weeks log posts)

Legs
-Squats on the smith machine - 4 sets (x8,x6,x6,x4)
-Seated Calf Raise - 3 Sets (x8,x6,x4)
-Leg Extensions - 3 Sets (x8,x6,x6)

Shoulders

-Overhead BB press - 4 Sets (x8,x6,x6,x4)
-BB Shrugs - 2 Sets (x8,x8)

Triceps

-Cabled Pushdowns - 3 Sets (x8,x6,x6)
-Overhead DB Press - 3 Sets (x8,x8,x8)

Abdominals

-Crunch Machine - 2 Sets (x25,x15)
-Other Sit up Machine - 2 Sets (x15, x15)

Before lifting I did
-15 minutes of light cardio - 1.5 miles ran/walked at a 5 incline
-5 minutes of stretching

After lifting I did
-5 minute walk - 0.65 miles at a 5 incline
-5 minutes of stretching

-Eats today are honestly terrible or... not? I can't really say because I haven't had an appetite at ALL today.

-I stuffed 300-350 calories into my mouth before working out today pretty much, and then I was full. I couldn't eat anymore.
And I told myself I'd had lunch after lifting.

-Got into the gym at 12:30 and didn't get done until 2:00-2:15.
I literally haven't been hungry since.
But I'm going to have a big dinner tonight, along with some good dessert.
I'll be sure to take pictures if I can.

My thoughts on today...


-Overall, even though my eating today hasn't been well. I still haven't been hungry at all, and I've been happy throughout the day which is somewhat rare for me. Should I look into an IF diet?

-My workout went good, but on my last leg extension I tweaked a muscle in my thigh and it has been acting weird for the past few hours.

-My inner thighs have been KILLING me during squats, is this something to worry about?

[baco_bacon]

Sick stuff Erik! OH Squats are insane!

Like the cardio, it's definitely necessary in my opinion even gaining.
I know you've been told this a million times before, but don't be afraid to eat. As long as you're killing it in the gym and not pigging out on 26 cakes per day you won't get fat. I used to be afraid of getting fat too and been through everything you are as well. If you're full drink gatorade/milk with every meal and even during your workout. Seriously!

Hmm... I used to have the same problem with inner thigh pain while squatting, but I've been doing lots of leg/groin stretches and warmups prior and it's never been bad ever since. Possibly allergies? Those always make you tight as fuuuuuu

[Flyin Ryan]

Not a bad workout Erik. Wouldn't mind seeing the weight on those lifts.

You do need to forget about the cardio for the time being whether you want to hear it or not. ESPECIALLY until you prove you can eat enough to properly fuel your body. By doing cardio, you're just putting yourself into a further deficit. Larger deficits mean larger meals... and I'll be honest, I dont think you're mentally ready to eat big.

Prove me wrong.

[determined4000]

Posting macros? Meals? lifting weights? Personal weight?

[MJFan1]

Posting macros? Meals? lifting weights? Personal weight?

According to his sig, he's 134.5

[Flyin Ryan]

Erik, something else is bothering me. Actually, it's pissing me off really bad. And thank you MJFan for pointing this out, because I didn't even notice.

AND I QUOTE:

"Goal: Overcoming an Eating Disorder/Maintain/Become a beast"

One more time.

"Goal: Overcoming an Eating Disorder/Maintain/Become a beast"

Excuse my french, but is this a ****ing joke?
Maintain?! Are you ****ing kidding me?
You're going to maintain at 134 pounds?
I have never met a "beast" that weighs 134 pounds.

Get your priorities in order.

[determined4000]

Erik, something else is bothering me. Actually, it's pissing me off really bad. And thank you MJFan for pointing this out, because I didn't even notice.

AND I QUOTE:

"Goal: Overcoming an Eating Disorder/Maintain/Become a beast"

One more time.

"Goal: Overcoming an Eating Disorder/Maintain/Become a beast"

Excuse my french, but is this a ****ing joke?
Maintain?! Are you ****ing kidding me?
You're going to maintain at 134 pounds?
I have never met a "beast" that weighs 134 pounds.

Get your priorities in order.

Holy CRAP!
Didnt even notice that.
Wanting to be at your weight= not overcoming an ED
wanting to be at your weight= can't be adding muscle= no beastliness

[Flyin Ryan]

Holy CRAP!
Didnt even notice that.
Wanting to be at your weight= not overcoming an ED
wanting to be at your weight= can't be adding muscle= no beastliness

Seriously Erik... the only things you're going to "maintain" with that mindset are your Eating Disorder... your miserable, lethargic, run-down lifestyle... and your frail physique. For God's sake Erik, I can count your vertebrae through your skin.

You wanna be happy again? You want your sex drive back? You wanna be a beast? You wanna transform yourself into a beast?

Eat like a beast.
Lift like a beast.
Be a beast.

It's that simple, big fella. Now prove to me you want it and go get it.

[ErikTheElectric]

Sick stuff Erik! OH Squats are insane!

Like the cardio, it's definitely necessary in my opinion even gaining.
I know you've been told this a million times before, but don't be afraid to eat. As long as you're killing it in the gym and not pigging out on 26 cakes per day you won't get fat. I used to be afraid of getting fat too and been through everything you are as well. If you're full drink gatorade/milk with every meal and even during your workout. Seriously!

Hmm... I used to have the same problem with inner thigh pain while squatting, but I've been doing lots of leg/groin stretches and warmups prior and it's never been bad ever since. Possibly allergies? Those always make you tight as fuuuuuu

Yeah, I feel like cardio is EXTREMELY important for overall health and my heart.
With me doing it I feel I can eat more during the day and it's just all around better for me right now.

And yeah I might start drinking something other than water soon as it's getting a tad bit boring. ;P
Going to stretch my groin more before squats next week. thanks man!

Not a bad workout Erik. Wouldn't mind seeing the weight on those lifts.

You do need to forget about the cardio for the time being whether you want to hear it or not. ESPECIALLY until you prove you can eat enough to properly fuel your body. By doing cardio, you're just putting yourself into a further deficit. Larger deficits mean larger meals... and I'll be honest, I dont think you're mentally ready to eat big.

Prove me wrong.

Posted my thoughts on cardio, above.

Posting macros? Meals? lifting weights? Personal weight?

Going to be posting macros, pictures of meals at the end of everyday as much as I can.
Same thing with weight lifting and overall activity.

Personal weight is in my sig as 134.5 as of yesterday morning I believe.

Holy CRAP!
Didnt even notice that.
Wanting to be at your weight= not overcoming an ED
wanting to be at your weight= can't be adding muscle= no beastliness

Seriously Erik... the only things you're going to "maintain" with that mindset are your Eating Disorder... your miserable, lethargic, run-down lifestyle... and your frail physique. For God's sake Erik, I can count your vertebrae through your skin.

You wanna be happy again? You want your sex drive back? You wanna be a beast? You wanna transform yourself into a beast?

Eat like a beast.
Lift like a beast.
Be a beast.

It's that simple, big fella. Now prove to me you want it and go get it.

I think there's a BIG misunderstanding of what I mean by "maintain" and I thought I should clear this up. By "maintain" I want to gain muscle, but I want to maintain the lean physique. By me posting "maintain" I didn't want people to show up in here and think "DAMN THIS KID NEEDS TO STUFF POPTARTS IN HIS MOUTH AND GET F*CKIN HUGE AND STOP BEIN A PUS*Y! WHO CARE S IF HE GETS FAT!?!?!"

In other words, I don't want to gain massive amount of fat on my body from such a broken down metabolism, which from has been said has been known to occur with people with eating disorders and when they start eating again.
I just want to minimize fat gain as much as possible, while revving up my appetite again and lifting hard.

Eats are incoming!

Erik