My wife left her laptop open and she forgot to log off her email so I decided to browse through her messages.
I found a particular message that really took me aback. She was confining to her best friend about our relationship. She goes in great detail, explaining why she decided to marry me, basically saying she married me for my money and security. She then says that she never found me attractive. All this time, I've felt that she was attracted to me
I look like a bigger version of Jim Rome. I'm not the hottie, Calvin Klein underwear model looking type that she, being a model, has been accustomed to. I'm 6'3'', 250, muscular, etc
The point is, I feel incredibly empty, knowing my wife doesn't find me attractive. I look at her differently in every way now. If I had known she had felt this way, I don't think I would have married her.
This may seem like a petty issue and maybe I'm just being shallow and dim, but it has really hit me physiologically and in how I relate to my wife.
I really don't know what to do.
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06-09-2005, 11:53 PM #1
viewed my girls email, feel empty
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06-09-2005, 11:56 PM #2
Why don't you just confront her?
Maybe it is all just a misunderstanding?
PS - Jim Rome is awesome. I watch his show everyday.( S I C )
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06-09-2005, 11:58 PM #3
I dunno man, a lot of guys like trophy wives but obviously you are not one of them. The only thing you can do is to confront her. Tell her how you feel, if you try and keep it bottled inside it is only going to get worse. You probably cant look at her the same way now after reading something like that.
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06-09-2005, 11:58 PM #4
That sucks. You're not being shallow. how long have you been marrierd?
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06-10-2005, 12:00 AM #5
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Wow, sorry to hear about that bro.
I'd suggest doing what TrollingMotor said."Whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."
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06-10-2005, 12:00 AM #6Originally Posted by Man_of_Men
read upLast edited by lawbaz; 06-10-2005 at 12:02 AM.
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06-10-2005, 12:03 AM #7Originally Posted by iamknightrider.
That sucks mate but there are probably only really 2 things to do, either talk to your wife about it or ignore it and try to go on with your marriage normally. I know which one i'd be doing though.I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
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06-10-2005, 12:04 AM #8Originally Posted by TrollingMotor
I'm not really sure how I would confront her and what good would come out of it.
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06-10-2005, 12:04 AM #9
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Originally Posted by Big Ad"Whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."
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06-10-2005, 12:05 AM #10
you are pretty much screwed.
Sounds like you have a bit of money so if you divorce she will take half.
If you stay with her you will have zero love for her and every time you wake up in the morning you will look at her with distain.▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
▄▄█$$ BIG MONEY BALLERS $$ █▄▄
▌ ▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌ ▐
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06-10-2005, 12:09 AM #11
I would consider divorce. The attractiveness thing is a non-issue at this point, you jsut learned your entire marriage was based solely on financial reasons. I would attempt to save that email in some way in order to have some sort of backing should the divorce come to some settlement where you owe her half your ****, which you can then present. Start planning now, your marriage is probably only going to get worse. You're certainly not going to create attraction fi there wasn't any.
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06-10-2005, 12:11 AM #12
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Originally Posted by lawbaz
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06-10-2005, 12:12 AM #13Originally Posted by ReeveI have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
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06-10-2005, 12:13 AM #14Originally Posted by Man_of_Men
Maybe she isn't the woman you thought she was....
Sorry once again. Good luck bro.The World is Filled with Dumb People. Unfortunately, a lot of them want to lift weights.
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06-10-2005, 12:13 AM #15
I'm just a kid, but I think I'll voice my opinion anyway. I cannot nor will I pretend to know what you're feeling, but all things being relative, I know where you're at. I don't you know you, your wife, or how you live life...regardless, I could not live my life with something like this over my head. It is certainly easier for me to recommend an action that to carry out that action but I would strongly suggest you hit this issue head-on. Don't "confront" her or approach this in an angry way, if that is possible. Passion is the only description I can think of to describe your feelings - I think we all know that passion can be a damn powerful emotion for both good and bad.
Anyway, I would ask myself what is important in life - people need companionship, it's just the way we're built. The only thing worse than being alone is feeling unwanted. Whether that is the case in this instance or not, there is only one way to find out, as painful as it may be.
Anyway, for what it is worth, I wish you the absolute best, as sincerely as I can over the 'net.
*Edit* Did she leave her e-mail client open? Consider the term "intentional" while you consider your moves.
-PatrickLast edited by PatrickO; 06-10-2005 at 12:15 AM.
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06-10-2005, 12:16 AM #16
Some advise from someone going through a divorce.........don't tell her anything, go to a lawyer today. Find out your options and set your self up to leave so you are at the least chance to get screwed in court. IMO it is time to get out of that relationship, just make sure you get out the right way..
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06-10-2005, 12:23 AM #17
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Originally Posted by Man_of_Men
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06-10-2005, 12:23 AM #18
You'd best be prepared for the "what were you doing going through my mail" comeback. And it's a fair question too. Nonetheless though...
...to echo a previous poster, start preparing now just in case. She may have nothing in mind, since she apparently married you for security and if that's what you're currently providing then she's getting what she wants. For sure, save a copy of it if possible (it might be too late now) or even better forward a copy to yourself (and remove the forwarded copy from her 'sent' folder...) because that will look more legitimate than a copy/paste job which she could claim you just typed up by hand.You're my wife now
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06-10-2005, 12:36 AM #19
I know that the attractive issue seems really bad, but plenty of women date/marry men that they don't find PHYSICALLY attractive. Most men will never understand it because we're so visual, but women can still find a man attractive even though he isn't good looking. Women are more likely to find a man attractive based on physical traits and character traits combined. They can't really seperate the two.
Of course its an invalid point if she really only married you for your money. Just make sure you know what context she used that in and if that certainly is the ONLY reason she married you. The only way you will know is to talk with her and ask her how she feels about the marriage.
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06-10-2005, 12:39 AM #20
As other's have suggested, get a copy of that email bro! Make sure you have a copy she doesn't know about and then confront her. Not in an angry way. You can just say, hey, why did you marry me? See what she says, and then say something like, I get the feeling you don't find me attractive. Make some **** up about how other girls treat their guys a little different.
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06-10-2005, 01:02 AM #21Originally Posted by Man_of_Men
i would show her the door if i were u.... b4 she squeeze's every lil penny out of u...
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06-10-2005, 01:07 AM #22
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wow dude, thats rough... you should definately confront her on it, and meanwhile find yourself a replacement.. with that kind of an attitude, shes probably going to cheat on you, if she hasnt allready...
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06-10-2005, 01:11 AM #23
hmm...dude this place is the worst place to post for advice on relationships. Everyone knows the vast majority of guys on here have problems with Women/Commitment.
If I were you I'd look at it this way:-
Security is an attraction in itself. Looks lose their novelty after a while. Most Women go for guys who can protect and provide for future children. Sure - Women will always find other guys more attractive - but it doesn't mean squat. What matters is if she loves you or not.
I would forget about it and not confront her. If she finds out you've been reading her emails then you might have a problem.
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06-10-2005, 01:14 AM #24
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Time for you to step up your game, ditch your chick and find someone else. It might sound girly, but give yourself an image change - sharpen up, and workout more. You'll feel better about yourself and all this and pick up a suitable woman easier.
Make sure she doesn't get her hands on your cash!www.prohormoneforum.com
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06-10-2005, 01:18 AM #25
Firstly you shouldn't be invading other people's privacy like that, so you kinda got what you deserved, ate from the forbidden tree, and spoiled your innocence.
But what's done is done, and women objectify men like this all the time. The fact is, men marry for looks, tell themselves they are marrying for personality, and then get mad when women marry for money. Well turnabout is fair play.
I'd talk to her about it, extensively, and find out if you really actually have something there which is not superficial. If not, get a divorce, and then go marry a woman who makes you laugh.
And save the email, it may protect your assets in court.Live Laugh Love,
MantisShrimp
Misc Armchair Counsellor
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06-10-2005, 01:24 AM #26Originally Posted by Man_of_Men
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06-10-2005, 01:44 AM #27
anyone else think this could possibly be a joke his wife is playing on him? Either that, or a huge HINT?
if you have an email that could possibly ruin your marriage, I doubt you'd keep the email window open, when you husband uses the same computer.
I think she might have left it there on purpose. TALK TO HER.
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06-10-2005, 01:49 AM #28
well in her next email you'll see her telling all her friends that you are a big snoop and a pussy!
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06-10-2005, 01:54 AM #29
and thats why I would never touch my partner's email, no matter how tempting it is...
A truly crap situation you are in mate... I would talk to her about it openly and consider divorce. I don't think its worth to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you.
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06-10-2005, 01:58 AM #30
Take all your $$$ & **** and move to another country?
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