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  1. #1
    Registered User GavinT's Avatar
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    Horrible Smelly Fart Stories

    Just a cheeky topic for everyone to share their memorably humorous fart stories. Hopefully we can learn from experience.

    > Today i was on the train home and couldnt control one of those deadly protein farts (you fellas know what im on about), not only was it peak hour in a full train but a very attractive woman was standing right by me. The only thing i could do was to slowly release it out or else i wouldve exploded to the disgust of all around me. But this fart was one of those "silent but deadly" scenarios which absolutely fumed out the whole carriage that made everybody cringe as they slowly inhaled my poo particles. I couldn't even stand the smell i produced, now thats really nasty.
    What did i do next? the old pretend it wasnt me one, and join in with everyone scrunching up my face and curiously scanning around to falsely accuse others around me with 'that look'.
    I hope the attractive lady didn't realize it was me.

    Uncontrollable protein farts? FML...
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  2. #2
    Registered User l_e_m_a_y's Avatar
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    A trick i got, unless you are sitting on one of those plastic/metal/solid material, if you are sitting tight, just fart on the "damping" material thats most of car/computerchaire/(train maybe) are made of. Like straight into it, and dont move!

    The smell will stay in there.

    Now dont leave your spot until the ride is over/people all left cause its a time bomb. The smell will be lighter, but will last longer.

    Hope it helps you op.
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  3. #3
    Eat Sleep Lift and Poop Killshot1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by l_e_m_a_y View Post
    A trick i got, unless you are sitting on one of those plastic/metal/solid material, if you are sitting tight, just fart on the "damping" material thats most of car/computerchaire/(train maybe) are made of. Like straight into it, and dont move!

    The smell will stay in there.

    Now dont leave your spot until the ride is over/people all left cause its a time bomb. The smell will be lighter, but will last longer.

    Hope it helps you op.
    lmao, what the fu*& man haha
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  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by l_e_m_a_y View Post
    A trick i got, unless you are sitting on one of those plastic/metal/solid material, if you are sitting tight, just fart on the "damping" material thats most of car/computerchaire/(train maybe) are made of. Like straight into it, and dont move!

    The smell will stay in there.

    Now dont leave your spot until the ride is over/people all left cause its a time bomb. The smell will be lighter, but will last longer.

    Hope it helps you op.
    hope i never take your seat on the bus
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  5. #5
    come at me bro! LiftingBRB's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bignik92 View Post
    hope i never take your seat on the bus
    LOL'd , also lol'd at timebomb.

    Badluck OP, your protein that bad? drink it with water?
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  6. #6
    Registered User NostoppingIt's Avatar
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    Before the summer I had this class that was right after lunch. I release about 4 'silent but deadly' ones a day every couple days and most of the time everyone in the class blames the kid that sits in front of me because he farts a lot too lol.
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  7. #7
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    Originally Posted by l_e_m_a_y View Post
    A trick i got, unless you are sitting on one of those plastic/metal/solid material, if you are sitting tight, just fart on the "damping" material thats most of car/computerchaire/(train maybe) are made of. Like straight into it, and dont move!

    The smell will stay in there.

    Now dont leave your spot until the ride is over/people all left cause its a time bomb. The smell will be lighter, but will last longer.

    Hope it helps you op.
    ahahahahahhahha
    well, my farts just arent that bad, but i ate rotten noodels, and as i ran to the toilet, i splttered everywhere
    not in my pants, but the toilet seat. it was hard core air and slimy **** mixed together
    after an hour of just crapping my ass off, clear liquid came out of my ass

    it was the worst experience. i will never eat anything old again


    btw, at my school locker area, where we change, everyone just farts. no one cares
    lol
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  8. #8
    Registered User youngguru's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by l_e_m_a_y View Post
    A trick i got, unless you are sitting on one of those plastic/metal/solid material, if you are sitting tight, just fart on the "damping" material thats most of car/computerchaire/(train maybe) are made of. Like straight into it, and dont move!

    The smell will stay in there.

    Now dont leave your spot until the ride is over/people all left cause its a time bomb. The smell will be lighter, but will last longer.

    Hope it helps you op.
    lmaooo
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  9. #9
    Registered User bf95_javanon's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    Originally Posted by GavinT View Post
    Just a cheeky topic for everyone to share their memorably humorous fart stories. Hopefully we can learn from experience.

    > Today i was on the train home and couldnt control one of those deadly protein farts (you fellas know what im on about), not only was it peak hour in a full train but a very attractive woman was standing right by me. The only thing i could do was to slowly release it out or else i wouldve exploded to the disgust of all around me. But this fart was one of those "silent but deadly" scenarios which absolutely fumed out the whole carriage that made everybody cringe as they slowly inhaled my poo particles. I couldn't even stand the smell i produced, now thats really nasty.
    What did i do next? the old pretend it wasnt me one, and join in with everyone scrunching up my face and curiously scanning around to falsely accuse others around me with 'that look'.
    I hope the attractive lady didn't realize it was me.

    Uncontrollable protein farts? FML...

    These things work wonders, especially when I'm in school, sometimes I need two, but don't let anyone find them

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  10. #10
    Registered User TB23's Avatar
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    I was doing P90X one day and my farts smell incredibly horrible when I work out (somewhere along the lines of **** mixed with fish and yesterdays food), my sister came down the stairs with a happy look on her face, not knowing that I had just let out the mother of all SBD farts. She took about 5 steps before the cloud of foul stench hit her, and when it did...she bertstared at me for about 30 seconds as I bertstared back at her, and then she cringed into a face of disgust. My sister ran upstairs holding her nose, and the look on my face was...
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  11. #11
    Registered User trini_bankai's Avatar
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    this is funny as **** yo! somehow i try to burp instead of farting by squeezin in my stomach to direct the gases upwards..dunno if that makes sense :S LOL
    "I don't care if i die..as long as they bury me in a big f***ing box"
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  12. #12
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    there's a simple solution to your problem. Get a cork and plug up your hole. Problem solved
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    Registered User trini_bankai's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by clandry View Post
    there's a simple solution to your problem. Get a cork and plug up your hole. Problem solved
    lol!!
    "I don't care if i die..as long as they bury me in a big f***ing box"
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    lol this thread made me laugh so hard.
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    guize i have the WORST protein farts atm i must do on average one every 10-15 minutes and each and every one smells like a combination of rotten fish, moldy milk/eggs, sewers and dead rats

    so i was in the supermarket and i felt my ass rumble, it was time to release another stink bomb from the rear, so im walking down an aisle and spot this woman looking at stuff on one side and some couple on the other side. this is a momentus opportunity so i hold in this fart casually walk down the aisle and time it perfectly, i release it quietly just as i walk past these people and carry on to the end of the aisle and turn the corner. just as i turn the corner i look back and these peoples faces are in disgust they probably think its each other that smells horrific as i keep on walking with a smile on my face
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    Originally Posted by big-muscle-19 View Post
    guize i have the WORST protein farts atm i must do on average one every 10-15 minutes and each and every one smells like a combination of rotten fish, moldy milk/eggs, sewers and dead rats

    so i was in the supermarket and i felt my ass rumble, it was time to release another stink bomb from the rear, so im walking down an aisle and spot this woman looking at stuff on one side and some couple on the other side. this is a momentus opportunity so i hold in this fart casually walk down the aisle and time it perfectly, i release it quietly just as i walk past these people and carry on to the end of the aisle and turn the corner. just as i turn the corner i look back and these peoples faces are in disgust they probably think its each other that smells horrific as i keep on walking with a smile on my face
    LMFOA!! hahaha
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  17. #17
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    LOL! Great responses guys.

    Just a little bit of broscience i picked up, an increase in smelly farts is often a good indicator that your body is not digesting and absorbing protein as efficiently as it can. Hence, if it continues, change powders. However it is common to experience a period of these traumatic flatulence spells when first consuming a different brand of protein.

    >>>REPS for hilarious stories.
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    Exclamation

    Originally Posted by GavinT View Post
    LOL! Great responses guys.

    Just a little bit of broscience i picked up, an increase in smelly farts is often a good indicator that your body is not digesting and absorbing protein as efficiently as it can. Hence, if it continues, change powders. However it is common to experience a period of these traumatic flatulence spells when first consuming a different brand of protein.

    >>>REPS for hilarious stories.
    Gonna call Bs on this one. Farts are BYPRODUCTS of digestion so if anything, farting means you're digesting everything fine. If you're NOT farting, that's bad...just my assumptions I'm not 100% sure here though.

    I have one...

    So freshman yr I come to 1st pd geometry a little late, still sleepy and waning off the morning haze. I'm in a pretty sh*tty mood and these 2 annoying kids behind me (mad gay) were playing around wit some febreze and spraying it everywhere. It was starting to smell up the room and it was distracting me so I was like "Can you stop..." They giggled like two little girls and threatened to spray me.

    So I get more pissed and go "Do it bitch, I dare you." So this kid actually sprays me, but like it was a pussy half-second spray cuz he knew I'd punch him if it was a real spray. I didn't want to make a scene or anything and plus I didn't have a real beef so I just decided to take it. And then I got an idea to fart...

    First nothing came out but I pushed and squeezed till I got red for 30 seconds and I felt it moving down....hmmm yesterday's beef and beans. Yum! I realized I'd gotten more than I bargained for, and my ass hurt liek crazy like I was going to fly to the ceiling from this fart. I was panicking now cuz I didn't know how to control it, but I knew it was the perfect time so I put my ass up, shoved it back on that kid's desk, said "Don't fk wit me son" kind of jokingly, and let it rip!

    Let me tell you...IT FKN STANK! Like 3 seconds later everyone around me was gasping for air and waving their hands. It was like the wave effect...you could see the fart spread as people started sniffing the air and looking at their neighbor. First one row ahead of me, then two, then...

    "SOMEONE OPEN THE WINDOW!" The teacher yells. No one listens cuz we're a mad lazy class. "OPEN THE DAMN WINDOWS IT STINKS IN HERE!"

    One of the kids in my aisle at the front runs to it with his hand on his nose. Everyone is cringing, even people halfway across the room. I was just lol'ing this whole time.

    This other time in french I felt a MONSTER fart coming. I could feel my ass just tearing up so bad and I didn't have enough time to leave....so I was like "aight dude play it cool, let it out a little at a time." You know the time-release to avoid the smell. Bad idea! I start to let just a teeny bit and...PFFFFF!!!! you couldn't hear the teacher speak. It was like a rocket ship, I swear. My shorts fluffed up a little from the gas and it felt like I lifted off the seat for a second.

    Everyone stared at me and I just pointed at this dumb kid next to me who everyone made fun of...he stabbed the teacher in the eye with a textbook later but AAANYWAY worst part is I still had half the fart left and when everyone turned around I let out another one, a little quieter but still pretty loud.

    So many more, too...man I am a fn fart machine.
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    My italian teacher used to gag when kids in the class would fart. Whenever my classmates would be like "ew who farted?!" and hold their noses in disgust, the teacher would open every window in the class room and tell the class how she could throw up from the smell...

    Well one morning I had a couple eggs and a protein shake before I went to school. I also had Italian first period that day. I had one of those "Silent But Deadly" protein farts coming so I stood up to throw a tissue away and let the fart out slowly near the teachers desk (The windows and door were closed). 15 seconds later she took in a whiff of the fart and started gagging, then ran out of the classroom for almost the rest of the period.

    Nobody knew it was me, even though I thought it was obvious haha
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    it was gym class freshman year. The AC in the gym was broken, so they brought out a huge fan, to get some air circulating. BAD IDEA. I had just started drinking protein shakes, so i had never ending protein farts. I stood in front of the fan for a while, just releasing my payload. after about 15 minutes of non stop protein farts, the gym teacher yelled for us to leave the gym because the smell was so horrible. The fan had circulated the smell across the whole gymnasium. People were crying and gagging. When i told my friends, they congratulated me. It was a great honor for me, i had cleared out a whole gym! How many people can say they did that?!?!?!
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    HAHA bfx that's pretty funny. My mom and I have a rule that we can fart next to each other and we don't make a big deal out of it all actually, we play around sometimes. It can be hard to retrain myself when I visit places, tho. Like when I'm at my uncle's/grandparents if I fart everyone looks at me and I'll usually look at the dog lmao.

    I can't think of any fart stories atm but I got a good stink tale.

    A few yrs ago my stepfather was moving into our apt so we brought in boxes of all his stuff and sorted through it. I was in the living room watching some family guy with my feet on the footrest in front of me.

    My mom complains of something smelling nasty (they're about 20 feet away mind you) and start sniffing everything in those boxes. And there was A LOT of shiit there. Find nothing stinky. Go through it again. And again. Finally, the third time done my mom realizes it must be somethign else. She goes to the kitchen, shakes her head, and goes into the living room.

    She takes a whiff, cringes, takes another, sniffing the furniture, the floor even...then she comes towards the footrest and the expression on her face is one of utter horror.

    Turned out it was just my feet
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    Registered User MMA09's Avatar
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    you guys try to hide your farts lol,Idc who I am infront of.If I have to rip ass I rip ass
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    Originally Posted by Rockstar1292 View Post
    My italian teacher used to gag when kids in the class would fart. Whenever my classmates would be like "ew who farted?!" and hold their noses in disgust, the teacher would open every window in the class room and tell the class how she could throw up from the smell...

    Well one morning I had a couple eggs and a protein shake before I went to school. I also had Italian first period that day. I had one of those "Silent But Deadly" protein farts coming so I stood up to throw a tissue away and let the fart out slowly near the teachers desk (The windows and door were closed). 15 seconds later she took in a whiff of the fart and started gagging, then ran out of the classroom for almost the rest of the period.

    Nobody knew it was me, even though I thought it was obvious haha
    Originally Posted by BFX43 View Post
    it was gym class freshman year. The AC in the gym was broken, so they brought out a huge fan, to get some air circulating. BAD IDEA. I had just started drinking protein shakes, so i had never ending protein farts. I stood in front of the fan for a while, just releasing my payload. after about 15 minutes of non stop protein farts, the gym teacher yelled for us to leave the gym because the smell was so horrible. The fan had circulated the smell across the whole gymnasium. People were crying and gagging. When i told my friends, they congratulated me. It was a great honor for me, i had cleared out a whole gym! How many people can say they did that?!?!?!
    i farted while reading these
    im proud
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    my roommate produced some of the most fowl smells every night. bunk beds. awful. so i told him to put a dryer sheet between his cheeks. solved the problem
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    when i saw this thread i spit protein shake all over my laptop i couldnt stop laughing.
    Can i has win cookie?
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    Originally Posted by MMA09 View Post
    you guys try to hide your farts lol,Idc who I am infront of.If I have to rip ass I rip ass
    oh no, i dont hide mine!
    Wants to be 200 lbs. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

    Been BSing for too long. I WILL SUCCEED. GWIOGL (Get With It Or Get Lost)

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    no lie this is one of the funniest threads ive ever read
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    omfg i havent laughed so hard in ages this thread is epic

    MOAR stories needed
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    oh yeah, this was in 5th grade
    everyone was just talkin. including the teacher
    you know one of those days where everyone just talks and all
    well my friend in front of me farted sooo fkin loud, everyone just shutup
    even the teacher
    the best part was, everyone around him pointed at him
    the teacher and his friend started laughin his ass off and my friend started to cry
    LOL
    i feel bad for pointing at him now
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    Originally Posted by l_e_m_a_y View Post
    A trick i got, unless you are sitting on one of those plastic/metal/solid material, if you are sitting tight, just fart on the "damping" material thats most of car/computerchaire/(train maybe) are made of. Like straight into it, and dont move!

    The smell will stay in there.

    Now dont leave your spot until the ride is over/people all left cause its a time bomb. The smell will be lighter, but will last longer.

    Hope it helps you op.
    lol wut xD??
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