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  1. #1
    I feel so green sironous's Avatar
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    wow.... so last night I had unprotected sex with a prostitute. (srs)

    I gotta go to work, but I'll write as much as I can remember for now...plus i feel like I got hit by a mac truck in my head.

    So last night was my friend chris's Bachelor party, so we all got dressed up, a party limo, and started off VIP at this bar...I'll try to skip over the boreing details. To make a long story short, we started doing these "blackout shots" (I'm not even sure what was in them... like 151, pineapple juice, and some like grenadine.) After 6-8 of those, we were drinking these big 24 oz specialty beers they had on tap. (I was drinking all super dark, high % beers like arrogant bastard.)

    So... the next part of the story is what was told to me. Apparently we went to the strip club late (no memory) and apparently at one point, I was literally standing in the corner with my head bobbing up and down with my eyes shutting with drool coming down my face, so everyone just left me a lone. Well about an hour later, they said I ordered a red bull (this is like a couple hours ago) and started being rediculous. Short version - I was macking on all the strippers, standing on chairs, kept saying things like, "I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!"

    well... apparently this one black stipper was reallly taking a shining to me, and they said I was like all into it. After dropping unknown amounts of money (too scared to look at credit card statement, not on there yet since this was a couple of hours ago) I guess she told me to meet her after work in the parking lot. I didn't drive so I was pleading with my DD to wait a couple min after the club closed, and finally agreed after I promised to buy everyone breakfast on my tab.

    After waiting like no joke, 45min, as my friend called her, "crackhead Cinnamon" finally came out, took me to her car and we left. I told my friend to pick me up at this motel like 5 min away in 30min (lulz).

    (hazy part)So i finally start remembering some sht.. the only details I remember is fcking this black chick (no idea what she looked like) and cumming like a mad man. So I go to pull the condom off... AND THERE WASN'T ANYTHING ON THERE!@ DA FUK!??!?! So I start panicking...and I run and turn the lights on... I look all around, pull the sheets off, I even picked up the whore and looked inside her... NOTHING! She starts getting all loud and asking me wtf I'm doing and if I don't calm down, she's going to make a "call". I kept saying no, not necessary, just let me go to the bathroom cause I wasn't feeling good (i really wasn't either, ha).

    So i have no idea if I paid her or WHAT, but once in the bathroom, I started to crawl out the window (had to basically break it, the screen was like screwed in) and I just started RUNNING, ha. I went through a bunch of back allys till I got back to around where the strip club was, and called my boy to pick me up there. He did, and the only other funny thing is that I grabbed a bottle of vodka and was washing my dck off with it, pouring it all over it before we went inside to eat, then I washed my dck and balls off in the bathroom sink, ugh.... Do you think that will do anything to prevent stds or what...
    Notsureifsironous.jpeg


    On dat sloppy sht time brah
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  2. #2
    I <3 U BBmisc420196's Avatar
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    this didnt happen
    “The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.”
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  3. #3
    JESUS IS RISEN. Jburn's Avatar
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    didnt read but aids

    /edit

    read it all, yep aids
    1 CORINTHIANS 6:9-11
    Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! The sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, passive homosexual partners, practicing homosexuals, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, the verbally abusive, and swindlers will not inherit the kingdom of God. Some of you once lived this way. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
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  4. #4
    Banned ogeorgeko's Avatar
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    so you have Super Aids, congrads!
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  5. #5
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    that was a genuinely cool story bro

    gjdm
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  6. #6
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    Originally Posted by sironous View Post
    I gotta go to work, but I'll write as much as I can remember for now...plus i feel like I got hit by a mac truck in my head.

    So last night was my friend chris's Bachelor party, so we all got dressed up, a party limo, and started off VIP at this bar...I'll try to skip over the boreing details. To make a long story short, we started doing these "blackout shots" (I'm not even sure what was in them... like 151, pineapple juice, and some like grenadine.) After 6-8 of those, we were drinking these big 24 oz specialty beers they had on tap. (I was drinking all super dark, high % beers like arrogant bastard.)

    So... the next part of the story is what was told to me. Apparently we went to the strip club late (no memory) and apparently at one point, I was literally standing in the corner with my head bobbing up and down with my eyes shutting with drool coming down my face, so everyone just left me a lone. Well about an hour later, they said I ordered a red bull (this is like a couple hours ago) and started being rediculous. Short version - I was macking on all the strippers, standing on chairs, kept saying things like, "I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!"

    well... apparently this one black stipper was reallly taking a shining to me, and they said I was like all into it. After dropping unknown amounts of money (too scared to look at credit card statement, not on there yet since this was a couple of hours ago) I guess she told me to meet her after work in the parking lot. I didn't drive so I was pleading with my DD to wait a couple min after the club closed, and finally agreed after I promised to buy everyone breakfast on my tab.

    After waiting like no joke, 45min, as my friend called her, "crackhead Cinnamon" finally came out, took me to her car and we left. I told my friend to pick me up at this motel like 5 min away in 30min (lulz).

    (hazy part)So i finally start remembering some sht.. the only details I remember is fcking this black chick (no idea what she looked like) and cumming like a mad man. So I go to pull the condom off... AND THERE WASN'T ANYTHING ON THERE!@ DA FUK!??!?! So I start panicking...and I run and turn the lights on... I look all around, pull the sheets off, I even picked up the whore and looked inside her... NOTHING! She starts getting all loud and asking me wtf I'm doing and if I don't calm down, she's going to make a "call". I kept saying no, not necessary, just let me go to the bathroom cause I wasn't feeling good (i really wasn't either, ha).

    So i have no idea if I paid her or WHAT, but once in the bathroom, I started to crawl out the window (had to basically break it, the screen was like screwed in) and I just started RUNNING, ha. I went through a bunch of back allys till I got back to around where the strip club was, and called my boy to pick me up there. He did, and the only other funny thing is that I grabbed a bottle of vodka and was washing my dck off with it, pouring it all over it before we went inside to eat, then I washed my dck and balls off in the bathroom sink, ugh.... Do you think that will do anything to prevent stds or what...

    I know a guy who gets like this when drunk, he no longer drinks. Good example
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  7. #7
    Registered User CHICKWOOD's Avatar
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    Didnt read but enjoy the scabies bro
    **Terry Crews Crew**

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  8. #8
    The Original DARIU5's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    In for aids test.
    -= * Olympian Health Representative *=-

    James 1:2 - "Rejoice my brothers and sisters when you face trials of many kinds."

    Never give up, you're in control of your own ambition and discipline. It's never too late to be where you want to be as long as you start now and stay focused.
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  9. #9
    Registered User SuupaBuu's Avatar
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    Post credit card statement without the private or sensitive information for reps.

    And don't worry too much man. THe worst that you would probably get is herpes which is a dice roll in itself. Then again I never had sex with a stripper. But if she genuinely looked like a crackhead then you're probably ****ed.
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  10. #10
    Registered User cfreak's Avatar
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    You have to wait at least 3 months after sex for the aids test
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  11. #11
    Registered User Aggressive's Avatar
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    Dodgy mate lol. Unlikely you wouldve caught HIV from it, but everything else is a real possibility. Watch out for symptoms and get yourself tested. And take it as a wake up call
    67% chance I'm attempting to rustle your jimmies right now
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  12. #12
    Banned TheALMIGHTYAnus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sironous View Post
    I gotta go to work, but I'll write as much as I can remember for now...plus i feel like I got hit by a mac truck in my head.

    So last night was my friend chris's Bachelor party, so we all got dressed up, a party limo, and started off VIP at this bar...I'll try to skip over the boreing details. To make a long story short, we started doing these "blackout shots" (I'm not even sure what was in them... like 151, pineapple juice, and some like grenadine.) After 6-8 of those, we were drinking these big 24 oz specialty beers they had on tap. (I was drinking all super dark, high % beers like arrogant bastard.)

    So... the next part of the story is what was told to me. Apparently we went to the strip club late (no memory) and apparently at one point, I was literally standing in the corner with my head bobbing up and down with my eyes shutting with drool coming down my face, so everyone just left me a lone. Well about an hour later, they said I ordered a red bull (this is like a couple hours ago) and started being rediculous. Short version - I was macking on all the strippers, standing on chairs, kept saying things like, "I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!"

    well... apparently this one black stipper was reallly taking a shining to me, and they said I was like all into it. After dropping unknown amounts of money (too scared to look at credit card statement, not on there yet since this was a couple of hours ago) I guess she told me to meet her after work in the parking lot. I didn't drive so I was pleading with my DD to wait a couple min after the club closed, and finally agreed after I promised to buy everyone breakfast on my tab.

    After waiting like no joke, 45min, as my friend called her, "crackhead Cinnamon" finally came out, took me to her car and we left. I told my friend to pick me up at this motel like 5 min away in 30min (lulz).

    (hazy part)So i finally start remembering some sht.. the only details I remember is fcking this black chick (no idea what she looked like) and cumming like a mad man. So I go to pull the condom off... AND THERE WASN'T ANYTHING ON THERE!@ DA FUK!??!?! So I start panicking...and I run and turn the lights on... I look all around, pull the sheets off, I even picked up the whore and looked inside her... NOTHING! She starts getting all loud and asking me wtf I'm doing and if I don't calm down, she's going to make a "call". I kept saying no, not necessary, just let me go to the bathroom cause I wasn't feeling good (i really wasn't either, ha).

    So i have no idea if I paid her or WHAT, but once in the bathroom, I started to crawl out the window (had to basically break it, the screen was like screwed in) and I just started RUNNING, ha. I went through a bunch of back allys till I got back to around where the strip club was, and called my boy to pick me up there. He did, and the only other funny thing is that I grabbed a bottle of vodka and was washing my dck off with it, pouring it all over it before we went inside to eat, then I washed my dck and balls off in the bathroom sink, ugh.... Do you think that will do anything to prevent stds or what...
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  13. #13
    Registered User ghlibisk's Avatar
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    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!

    I'm balliN btch! so roll those tities down my face!
    Tick tock. Life is short.

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  14. #14
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    just soak your junk in high-strength alcohol
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  15. #15
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    Cliffs, bitch
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  16. #16
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    i'm pretty sure alcohol doesn't do anything...that sucks bro.


    goodnight sweet prince.
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  17. #17
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    Oh damn...you got dem der aids fool
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  18. #18
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    If this really happened... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA thats some funny ****..

    If did not happen you are a phaggot.....



    anyways it did make me lulz..
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  19. #19
    36th seed fishpat86's Avatar
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    I've heard paper cuts on your shaft and a good rub down with vinegar cures all std's.
    New Evolution shat on me

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  20. #20
    Registered User lsuchase's Avatar
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    fuuuu hiv test in 3 months, you should be fine as odds are hugely in your favor but fuuuuuuuuuu
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  21. #21
    Banned jakt's Avatar
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    But for serious. Sorry to hear, brah. Hope you live long enough to wish you could live just a bit longer.
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  22. #22
    Registered User umop3pisdn's Avatar
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    Wow bro. I envy you for being able to get so lose and create those crazy memories. That's an awesome story to tell.
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  23. #23
    Registered Gamer milkman04's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cfreak View Post
    You have to wait at least 3 months after sex for the aids test
    It's gonna be a long 3 months brah

    But while you wait, I'd lift heavy and add a multi, good luck!
    "Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind." -Morpheus
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  24. #24
    Registered User MHannibal's Avatar
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    if i'm that wasted i can't get it up , lucky in a way otherwise i'd end up doing the same stupid ****
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  25. #25
    Money Cash Bros Achilles87's Avatar
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    I lol'd pretty fuking hard
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  26. #26
    Registered User ScubaStevo's Avatar
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    God damn I am glad I have at least some control/judgment when I am drunk.
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  27. #27
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    This is troll post, I call em when i see em.

    You were blackout drunk a few hours ago, standing in a corner with drool coming down your face, yet you seem to have no problem waking up with what i presume to be only a few hours of sleep. To top that off you are spelling rather well, esp for the misc. What ever happened to buying your DD that meal and why no mention of it? Pretty lame brah.
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  28. #28
    Registered User Haz_603's Avatar
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  29. #29
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  30. #30
    Registered User cfreak's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by milkman04 View Post
    It's gonna be a long 3 months brah

    But while you wait, I'd lift heavy and add a multi, good luck!
    Maybe you could just chop off dat dere penis before the hiv spreads to your entire body in 3 months
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