How often do you have sex??

[morganbon14]

I know this is a personal question..but as a woman..how many times a week should we be having sex?? My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and it seems he never wants to have sex. Its really starting to make me feel unwanted. We probley have sex 1-2 times a week.. I'm dying here!!! I just dont get it.. i know he has alot of stress in his life. But sex is an important part of a relationship, I really hope this is a phase cuz i cannot live my life on sex once a week!!! Thats sounds mean but...what do you think?? anyone ever run into this prob?

[pookster01]

I know this is a personal question..but as a woman..how many times a week should we be having sex?? My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and it seems he never wants to have sex. Its really starting to make me feel unwanted. We probley have sex 1-2 times a week.. I'm dying here!!! I just dont get it.. i know he has alot of stress in his life. But sex is an important part of a relationship, I really hope this is a phase cuz i cannot live my life on sex once a week!!! Thats sounds mean but...what do you think?? anyone ever run into this prob?

Wait until you get married. You'll be bragging about having sex twice a week to your friends.

[missintent]

I have had that problem, and the relationship didn't work out. Have you talked about it to him at all? Has sex always been this rare or is it a change?

[morganbon14]

It was never a problem in the beginning. and when we do have sex it's amazing. Im so attracted to him I cant help but want him, but for some reason..when i make the move or ask him, he doesn't feel like it.. It makes me feel like he isn't attracted to me. Granted...I ALWAYS want to have sex..but it would be nice if he would want to once in awhile too, or maybe even instigate it once in a while. My Girlfriend thinks I should just not give him any affection and not ask for sex for a week and see if his attitude changes towards it. But i hate playing mind games, I just want a healthy relationship.

[skinnyfatlean]

gosh not even a year and sometimes once a week, can you leave some libido enhancing mixed nuts on the table whenever he's around...sneakily of course. I would try helping his diet for a couple of months.

[DhavokBoss]

i'm 16 and i'm a dude and what is this? i am jealous of your boyfriend

[kimm4]

It was never a problem in the beginning. and when we do have sex it's amazing. Im so attracted to him I cant help but want him, but for some reason..when i make the move or ask him, he doesn't feel like it.. It makes me feel like he isn't attracted to me. Granted...I ALWAYS want to have sex..but it would be nice if he would want to once in awhile too, or maybe even instigate it once in a while. My Girlfriend thinks I should just not give him any affection and not ask for sex for a week and see if his attitude changes towards it. But i hate playing mind games, I just want a healthy relationship.

Your g/f is an idiot with playing the mind game card...tell her to grow the f*** up!! I'm trying to think back when I was that age (because it has changed over the years with kids, my work, husband works nights, blah, blah, blah...)

I think around 3x a week back then.

Has anything changed for him? More hours at work, not enough sleep, something on his mind, etc...could be anything.

If you want to keep your relationship healthy then simply talk to him about it...communication is key.

Good luck.

[morganbon14]

Your so right, I try to mention it here and there. But i think i just need to sit down and seriously talk to him about it and how it really affects me emtionally. He is under alot of stress we both have 4 year olds from previous relationships.. he is going through a custody battle which is really draining the bank so...I'm really blaming all this on his stress level. But sometimes it's hard to constantly blame it on that.

[MZ360]

Your g/f is an idiot with playing the mind game card...tell her to grow the f*** up!! I'm trying to think back when I was that age (because it has changed over the years with kids, my work, husband works nights, blah, blah, blah...)

I think around 3x a week back then.

Has anything changed for him? More hours at work, not enough sleep, something on his mind, etc...could be anything.

If you want to keep your relationship healthy then simply talk to him about it...communication is key.

Good luck.

nuff said..

[Finner]

Your g/f is an idiot with playing the mind game card...tell her to grow the f*** up!!

^^^^^
THIS!!!! Your friend, no offense, is not very smart if she thinks that game-playing like that is the way to get what you want AND have a healthy relationship.

If you want to keep your relationship healthy then simply talk to him about it...communication is key.

^^^^^^
Again, THIS!!!! My husband and I have always had a. . .umm. . .busy schedule in that regard. (AND HERE GOES THE TMI. . .but you did ask. . .) We effed like rabbits for the first three months we were together, but then got on a regular schedule of 3 - 4 times a week. At one point, it dwindled to 2x. . .and then 1x and then I started getting upset.

But instead of talking to him about it, I just got bitchier and bitchier until I was ready to scream at him for every little thing. Finally, he was like "What the hell is your problem?" I yelled at him that I hadn't been LAID in TWO WEEKS and that I was getting really tired of waiting around for him to be ready and. . .blah blah blah. I went completely and utterly psycho. . .threatening to eff the pool boy, the mailman, the guy at the Starbucks counter. It's hilarious now (actually, it was hilarious then. We both started laughing the second the argument was over.)

He felt really bad and said that 1) he had a lot of things on his mind; 2) that he'd become so complacent with me there, attending to his every sexual need, that he was just kind of taking me for granted and 3) he never knew that not getting any made me so cranky and that he would never forget to do it again.

All of the funny stuff aside, we had to come to an agreement that *I* needed to get comfortable flat-out ASKING for it. Sometimes, the man is just too damn preoccupied to pick up on the little hints that we're giving them. So, we had to come up with a signal. (In my house, a sexy nightie doesn't cut it. I wear that shiit all the time.) I used to say "I'm going to go read a book. . ." but then. . .there were nights when I really just wanted to read a book.

So now, I just look him dead in the eye and say "I need you to pick me up, take me to the bedroom and make me have an orgasm. I don't care how you do it. Just do it. You can get back to whatever else it is you're doing once I'm satisfied."

Oddly enough, it works. Even when he *thinks* he doesn't feel like having sex, he gets really into it once he gets started.

So TALK to him. (But not when you're actually IN bed. Talk about that **** over waffles or something. That way, if the discussion goes south, the scene of the sechs isn't also the scene of an uncomfortable conversation.)

[morganbon14]

Finner: This is exactly the kind of a response i was hoping for! Sounds exactly like what would happen with us if nothing was said! But its good to hear other people with the same deal..and that you guys found a way to comunicate and work it out so well. Really appreciate your post Sounds like i have a conversation that needs to take place!

[KyleAaron]

Finner's post was classic I'll add my own TMI.

One woman I dated for a bit had read that when the female mouse is ready to mate, she shows the male by certain signs. If he ignores those signs, her next step is to hit him in the face. So she used to say to me, "Do I have to hit you in the face?"

Another woman was a bit like Finner has described herself, she'd get cranky without sex for a day or two. She'd say, "At least give me a licking." Of course it never stopped with just that

Assertive and direct is good. Boys grow up being punched in the head by their mates, so we can be a bit slow by the time we've grown up.

[klm83]

I think frequency isn't really something that has a finite number- it will be different for everyone. Some people are fine with multiple times a day, others multiple times a week, some with multiple times a month, some with multiple times a year- no two couples are the same.

I definitely agree with the others, though. Communication is key. I find that usually a guy "isn't in the mood" because he's busy, tired, stressed, or worried about stuff. It's kind of hard to get it up if he's worried about paying the mortgage, or taking care of the kids, or taking good care of you. Sometimes you just have to say, "You know.. it's been like 2 weeks since we've had sex... I figured you would have dragged me to the bedroom and ripped off all my clothes by now... what's up?" Usually asking point blank like this will make him think about it and he'll open up a bit.

I also agree with making the first move. If you want sex and you want to be pleased, there is nothing wrong with telling him that and putting the moves on him. Drag his ass to the bedroom and say, "I'm horny... we're doing this now." Nine times out of ten he will go with it.

[Inama]

so true.

Wait until you get married. You'll be bragging about having sex twice a week to your friends.

[ongoingteabag_]

Your g/f is an idiot with playing the mind game card...tell her to grow the f*** up!! I'm trying to think back when I was that age (because it has changed over the years with kids, my work, husband works nights, blah, blah, blah...)

I think around 3x a week back then.

Has anything changed for him? More hours at work, not enough sleep, something on his mind, etc...could be anything.

If you want to keep your relationship healthy then simply talk to him about it...communication is key.

Good luck.

Kimm is very smart, who would have thought communication is key, if more people listened to you we would all be better off.

[ongoingteabag_]

^^^^^
THIS!!!! Your friend, no offense, is not very smart if she thinks that game-playing like that is the way to get what you want AND have a healthy relationship.



^^^^^^
Again, THIS!!!! My husband and I have always had a. . .umm. . .busy schedule in that regard. (AND HERE GOES THE TMI. . .but you did ask. . .) We effed like rabbits for the first three months we were together, but then got on a regular schedule of 3 - 4 times a week. At one point, it dwindled to 2x. . .and then 1x and then I started getting upset.

But instead of talking to him about it, I just got bitchier and bitchier until I was ready to scream at him for every little thing. Finally, he was like "What the hell is your problem?" I yelled at him that I hadn't been LAID in TWO WEEKS and that I was getting really tired of waiting around for him to be ready and. . .blah blah blah. I went completely and utterly psycho. . .threatening to eff the pool boy, the mailman, the guy at the Starbucks counter. It's hilarious now (actually, it was hilarious then. We both started laughing the second the argument was over.)

He felt really bad and said that 1) he had a lot of things on his mind; 2) that he'd become so complacent with me there, attending to his every sexual need, that he was just kind of taking me for granted and 3) he never knew that not getting any made me so cranky and that he would never forget to do it again.

All of the funny stuff aside, we had to come to an agreement that *I* needed to get comfortable flat-out ASKING for it. Sometimes, the man is just too damn preoccupied to pick up on the little hints that we're giving them. So, we had to come up with a signal. (In my house, a sexy nightie doesn't cut it. I wear that shiit all the time.) I used to say "I'm going to go read a book. . ." but then. . .there were nights when I really just wanted to read a book.

So now, I just look him dead in the eye and say "I need you to pick me up, take me to the bedroom and make me have an orgasm. I don't care how you do it. Just do it. You can get back to whatever else it is you're doing once I'm satisfied."

Oddly enough, it works. Even when he *thinks* he doesn't feel like having sex, he gets really into it once he gets started.

So TALK to him. (But not when you're actually IN bed. Talk about that **** over waffles or something. That way, if the discussion goes south, the scene of the sechs isn't also the scene of an uncomfortable conversation.)

Ummmmmmm,

Even this is frickin hilarious I am pretty sure you use to be a stand up comic in your past life.

Hunny I am going to read a book..........lol that's priceless.

Effing the pool boy, mailman lol man.......

[fishoildick]

I know this is a personal question..but as a woman..how many times a week should we be having sex?? My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and it seems he never wants to have sex. Its really starting to make me feel unwanted. We probley have sex 1-2 times a week.. I'm dying here!!! I just dont get it.. i know he has alot of stress in his life. But sex is an important part of a relationship, I really hope this is a phase cuz i cannot live my life on sex once a week!!! Thats sounds mean but...what do you think?? anyone ever run into this prob?

i would def think 1-2 times a week is sufficient, please calm your libido

[Richy P]

This thread makes me think that my ex must of been mad some nights. Was never a night time sex person, unless I was 'put' in the mood. That bed though was very comforable, very hard not fall asleep as soon as you got in it.

Lol morning times I would be rolled or pulled on top of her if I hadn't woken up.

You could try having a 'sex day' and do it in every room of the house. Just make sure they dont have anything to do that day. Get him all excited and then just keep it going throughout the day.

Livingroom in front of the fire, kitchen on the work surface, bathroom, dining room, finish off with bedroom.

[nunu713]

Wait until you get married. You'll be bragging about having sex twice a week to your friends.

Wow - sorry about your marriage. My husband and I have been married going on 6 years, and we're still around 4-6 times/week...

[irish0418]

Well me and my husband have sex 1x/week on average sometimes every other week. I would definetly like to have sex more but honestly, I don't have the desire.....I have a low sex drive I guess. I'll have sex just because it's important to the relationship and I should but I could care less.....is that bad?

[Finner]

Well me and my husband have sex 1x/week on average sometimes every other week. I would definetly like to have sex more but honestly, I don't have the desire.....I have a low sex drive I guess. I'll have sex just because it's important to the relationship and I should but I could care less.....is that bad?

If you and your husband are happy with what you do - it's not bad. I know people who only have sex 1 every other week - they have busy jobs, restless children and a ton of worries that I don't have. (I have no children of my own and the step-sons are with us only half the week.)

The only thing about your post is that you said that "you'll have sex just because. . ." It's certainly nice of you to do that, but if you're uncomfortable or not enjoying it, then it's not the healthiest thing in the world to do. If, however, (like my husband) you don't *think* you feel like it; or you don't feel like it initially; and then you relax and get into it and actually enjoy it, that's definitely not a bad thing.

I've often found that to be the case when *I* was the one who was tired or distracted. I would be stressed out about something and not have the slightest interest. However, after a glass of wine, relaxation and a shoulder massage. . .I changed my mind. I'd stop thinking about how I didn't "want" to and just get into the moment.

[Simpy]

There are ebbs and flows in every relationship, and unfortunately, partners are not always in sync. My husband and I have been married 12 years and dated for 4 years prior to that. On average we have sex pretty much every day that he doesn't work (He's a firefighter). Lately, his schedule has been insane, and it's been less. It's been bothering both of us, but it's the way of life sometimes.

[irish0418]

If you and your husband are happy with what you do - it's not bad. I know people who only have sex 1 every other week - they have busy jobs, restless children and a ton of worries that I don't have. (I have no children of my own and the step-sons are with us only half the week.)

The only thing about your post is that you said that "you'll have sex just because. . ." It's certainly nice of you to do that, but if you're uncomfortable or not enjoying it, then it's not the healthiest thing in the world to do. If, however, (like my husband) you don't *think* you feel like it; or you don't feel like it initially; and then you relax and get into it and actually enjoy it, that's definitely not a bad thing.

I've often found that to be the case when *I* was the one who was tired or distracted. I would be stressed out about something and not have the slightest interest. However, after a glass of wine, relaxation and a shoulder massage. . .I changed my mind. I'd stop thinking about how I didn't "want" to and just get into the moment.

Well sometimes I'm not interested but once we start, then I get into it....but sometimes I feel like I have a hard time getting "aroused."

I wonder if that means something is wrong with me

[Finner]

I wonder if that means something is wrong with me

No! It means you just don't freakin' feel like it! LOL! Nothing wrong with that!

[Simpy]

Well sometimes I'm not interested but once we start, then I get into it....but sometimes I feel like I have a hard time getting "aroused."

I wonder if that means something is wrong with me

Sweety, you are pregnant and have another little one running around the house. It's hard when you're kids are small, but it gets easier.

[RebeccaG]

Sweety, you are pregnant and have another little one running around the house. It's hard when you're kids are small, but it gets easier.

No kidding.

We were just getting back 'in the swing of things' and, whaddya know, I ended up pregnant because of it. lol Back to square one we go....

[1972girl]

I have been with my S.O for 10 years, sometimes we go though a slow spot. when this happen I find its best to just start instigating it and just going for it, then every thing falls back in place. I think that it you dont have sex often you can fall in to a place where feelings are hurt and things have become awkward and sometimes fear rejection, but really you both feel the same way and one of you just needs to get go for it and let the negative feelings go. This is just what works for us.

[irish0418]

Thanks ladies....it's just that I always had an issue w/ reaching orgasms so maybe that's why it's hard for me to be interested. And yes having a little one and pregnant definetly doesn't help but I was like that before too (def more now but still).

I just worry because it's important to have that 'connection' in a marriage and me and my husband have a wonderful marriage so everything is good there but I wish I could be better w/ the sex situation.

[digitalbath11]

Thanks ladies....it's just that I always had an issue w/ reaching orgasms so maybe that's why it's hard for me to be interested. And yes having a little one and pregnant definetly doesn't help but I was like that before too (def more now but still).

I just worry because it's important to have that 'connection' in a marriage and me and my husband have a wonderful marriage so everything is good there but I wish I could be better w/ the sex situation.

I may be wrong here, so dismiss if I'm off base.

Many women have a difficult time reaching orgasm because they know very little about what turns them on. Maybe it's worth your time investigating what feels good (yes, by yourself) so that you can communicate these findings to your partner. Otherwise, how could he ever be expected to know what you like.

I speak from experience. It's definitely worth a shot.

[nea_lin]

I think frequency isn't really something that has a finite number- it will be different for everyone. Some people are fine with multiple times a day, others multiple times a week, some with multiple times a month, some with multiple times a year- no two couples are the same.

I definitely agree with the others, though. Communication is key. I find that usually a guy "isn't in the mood" because he's busy, tired, stressed, or worried about stuff. It's kind of hard to get it up if he's worried about paying the mortgage, or taking care of the kids, or taking good care of you. Sometimes you just have to say, "You know.. it's been like 2 weeks since we've had sex... I figured you would have dragged me to the bedroom and ripped off all my clothes by now... what's up?" Usually asking point blank like this will make him think about it and he'll open up a bit.

I also agree with making the first move. If you want sex and you want to be pleased, there is nothing wrong with telling him that and putting the moves on him. Drag his ass to the bedroom and say, "I'm horny... we're doing this now." Nine times out of ten he will go with it.

I can vouch for that. My guy and I only do it about 5 times a month, give or take depending on what's going on in our lives.

Luckily we have a great relationship. Some couples only have the sex, and not much else to fall back on.