Which is more difficult? CONTEST PREP OR being married

[robertmmcgrew]

This might seem like a stupid post to some of you but I know there has to be someone out there who feels this. I am currently in prep for a show and have been so since late dec. My wife does not understand this and to be frank, I don't feel she is being supportive on this. Has anyone been in this situation, because the drama combined with the diet is getting a little rough. We are sure growing apart and I don my best to try to help her understand but get accused of being selfish. I do work here at he gym so to her it probably always seems like i am consumed with this (which I am). WTFlip do I do? Any suggestion. This stuff is for real.

[CYTX]

I have no experience prepping for a BB contest but while I was getting ready for my first Strongman contest the wife seemed to be undermining my training. I simply think when you are so focused on something else, women often feel jealous and therefore use tactics to try and sabotage whatever is taking attention away from them.

/.02

keep plugging away man.

[AustrianOakJr]

Which is harder in and of itself? Tough one. Combine them and you have a REAL struggle on your hands. This sport really is tough on your wife and family, especially if they dont have any interest in the sport or physical fitness. Seriously, for the last two months of a diet, for all practical purposes, you are insane. It would be very hard to live with someone who is insane, so you have to see it from her point of view. My wife is very understanding but she would tell me when she was coming to wits end with my obsessive behavior. And I would try my best to tone it down. But beside that, youre moody, depressed, no libido, etc, etc. I honestly dont know how I could possibly diet for a contest without my wife's support. So, with that said, if its hurting your relationship, you have to ditch the contest idea. That would be really hard for me to do.....thinking I could just make adjustments on my end and make it work.....but you cant. You need her support. If its not there, its not worth hurting your marriage over a dumb sport. Hopefully, you can sit down and talk it over and she might be willing to see your (crazy) side of it and be supportive.

[DanTheManB]

Which is harder in and of itself? Tough one. Combine them and you have a REAL struggle on your hands. This sport really is tough on your wife and family, especially if they dont have any interest in the sport or physical fitness. Seriously, for the last two months of a diet, for all practical purposes, you are insane. It would be very hard to live with someone who is insane, so you have to see it from her point of view. My wife is very understanding but she would tell me when she was coming to wits end with my obsessive behavior. And I would try my best to tone it down. But beside that, youre moody, depressed, no libido, etc, etc. I honestly dont know how I could possibly diet for a contest without my wife's support. So, with that said, if its hurting your relationship, you have to ditch the contest idea. That would be really hard for me to do.....thinking I could just make adjustments on my end and make it work.....but you cant. You need her support. If its not there, its not worth hurting your marriage over a dumb sport. Hopefully, you can sit down and talk it over and she might be willing to see your (crazy) side of it and be supportive.

So it's basically the whole "cant live with em, cant live without em" eh? haha

I'm not married nor do I ever want to be but I would say prep is easier without a g/f. There is just so many things you can't take part in....I'd say do your best in balancing

[Eightpak]

Which is harder in and of itself? Tough one. Combine them and you have a REAL struggle on your hands. This sport really is tough on your wife and family, especially if they dont have any interest in the sport or physical fitness. Seriously, for the last two months of a diet, for all practical purposes, you are insane. It would be very hard to live with someone who is insane, so you have to see it from her point of view. My wife is very understanding but she would tell me when she was coming to wits end with my obsessive behavior. And I would try my best to tone it down. But beside that, youre moody, depressed, no libido, etc, etc. I honestly dont know how I could possibly diet for a contest without my wife's support. So, with that said, if its hurting your relationship, you have to ditch the contest idea. That would be really hard for me to do.....thinking I could just make adjustments on my end and make it work.....but you cant. You need her support. If its not there, its not worth hurting your marriage over a dumb sport. Hopefully, you can sit down and talk it over and she might be willing to see your (crazy) side of it and be supportive.

Good advice. I agree. I did my first show last summer and it was definitely tough making sure not to neglect my wife. She was my biggest support however and very understanding of my moodiness and hours spent in the gym. I could not have done it without her. I would make sure you let your wife know how much the show means to you and the fulfillment you get from it but also make sure to not neglect her. It's tough but necessary in order to be a loving and selfless husband. I think the biggest part that I learned is to be there for her mentally when you are together. I would easily drift away thinking about my training and diet which was on my mind 24/7.

However, the relationship should be your number one priority, not the show.

[zmcdole]

I agree with Oak, the two combined are way more challenging then one or the other alone. Especially when you have a wife who can cook, loves to cook, and she doesn't get to because you're dieting. Plus the libido likes to take a vacation when you're cutting.

[CommandoSC]

Which is harder in and of itself? Tough one. Combine them and you have a REAL struggle on your hands. This sport really is tough on your wife and family, especially if they dont have any interest in the sport or physical fitness. Seriously, for the last two months of a diet, for all practical purposes, you are insane. It would be very hard to live with someone who is insane, so you have to see it from her point of view. My wife is very understanding but she would tell me when she was coming to wits end with my obsessive behavior. And I would try my best to tone it down. But beside that, youre moody, depressed, no libido, etc, etc. I honestly dont know how I could possibly diet for a contest without my wife's support. So, with that said, if its hurting your relationship, you have to ditch the contest idea. That would be really hard for me to do.....thinking I could just make adjustments on my end and make it work.....but you cant. You need her support. If its not there, its not worth hurting your marriage over a dumb sport. Hopefully, you can sit down and talk it over and she might be willing to see your (crazy) side of it and be supportive.

I agree with Oak, the two combined are way more challenging then one or the other alone. Especially when you have a wife who can cook, loves to cook, and she doesn't get to because you're dieting. Plus the libido likes to take a vacation when you're cutting.

I feel my libido taking a vacation when I am cutting too, that sucks. Does everybody notice that? I don't take aes or any pro-hormonals

[Fletch]

I feel my libido taking a vacation when I am cutting too, that sucks. Does everybody notice that? I don't take aes or any pro-hormonals

It's very common for the libido to drop when cutting for a show. This is especially the case in the final weeks as you get really lean. Mine was next to nothing in the final 3 weeks.

- Fletch "Libido vs 8-pack abs...oh the trade offs!"

[bwelch1985]

"Libido vs 8-pack abs...oh the trade offs!"

b/c having both would just be unfair!

[fitfranco]

I have been married almost 10 years and have 2 kids, 4 and 7 yrs old. Just part of life and they are all great choices.
Challenge, maybe, but wouldnt have it any other way!

[AustrianOakJr]

I feel my libido taking a vacation when I am cutting too, that sucks. Does everybody notice that?

If youre natural and sitting well below your set point, you dont have a libido. The body shuts off that desire because you are in survival mode. The only thing needed is FOOD. Its really hard for your spouse to understand that it is simply controlled by hormones, but as soon as that bodyfat comes back, everything goes right back to normal again.

[pharmamarketer]

I agree with you OP. No competition experience but my GF is constantly whining to me about what I eat and when I go to the gym. But her friends comment to her about how good I am looking. She just shrugs. I do this for me but it would be nice to hear something from her rather than her friends. I like the compliments but never hearing from the one you are with can be frustrating.

[robertmmcgrew]

I really want to thank everyone who has contributed to this tread. My marriage means the world to be and I would never sacrifice it for something like a show, or even the gym (did I just say that, JK). All of your feedback is great and I would especially like to thank two of the most inspiration men on this board for their contribution and feedback, THANK YOU OAK AND ZMCDOLE you guys are always coming through. Thank you everyone!!!!!!! I think I am going to have a talk with my wifey tonight, and bring here a great gift and show her my appreciation for being supportive, and she really has been supportive considering I have been extremely obsessed and somewhat cranky.

[AniMaLizTik]

They are both very hard, but you are having the problem of compatibility between the two.

You have to realize, you are in a different zone, plain, realm, of existence however you want to put it when prepping for a contest.

Unless someone is in that same place, communication, understanding, resonation is near impossible.

[Sporto1633]

It's very common for the libido to drop when cutting for a show. This is especially the case in the final weeks as you get really lean. Mine was next to nothing in the final 3 weeks.

- Fletch "Libido vs 8-pack abs...oh the trade offs!"

Jesus Ted, where the hell you been? Is this your first post in like 4 years?

Sporto

[Ultraflexed]

the only thing harder is doing both as i am married and doing contest prep
i have 2kids, go to college and work, time is always divided

[kennethbanks]

This might seem like a stupid post to some of you

For the record, I don't think this is a stupid post at all, and it resonates with me!

I did my first prep/contests during the summer of last year, and I actually broke up with my then-girlfriend during the midst of them simply because she wouldn't offer proper support. I'm not saying bodybuilding is MORE important than healthy relationships, nor is it like I'm making money off of bodybuilding or someday might. Rather, the fact that she showed such little support and patience simply made me realize she wasn't the "right one" (and I'm not saying that's the case in your situation--it just was in mine).

I completely didn't get where she was coming from. I mean, if I love someone, I don't care what their goals are (provided they're not illegal, immoral, etc.), I'm going to support their efforts. I was flabbergasted that she wasn't willing to do so for me, especially when--relative to most guys that I see prepping for a show--I really wasn't that big of a pain. I never snapped or lashed out, I was only at the gym 3-4 hours a week, and I kept my sense of humor the whole time. I just talked about it a lot, was all, mainly because I wanted to share my experiences with her. She came with me to my second show, and it was a NIGHTMARE from beginning to end. Driving back home I thought to myself, "Yeah, this ain't gonna work."

But anyway, I wish you the best. Definitely talk openly and honestly with her about things, and try to see where she's coming from. Women love empathy! :-) Try and get across that this is just really important to you, and because she's the most important thing in your life, you want to make her a part of it; you want her to understand. I guess that's my best advice. Please tell us how it goes!

[gigglepony]

It took contest dieting for my first show for me to apologize to my bb beau.

Both marriage and dieting are trying journeys in themselves!


as a woman I recommend bribes your lady with flowers or trips to the massage therapist for sanity puposes

best of luck to you!

[Flex500]

This might seem like a stupid post to some of you but I know there has to be someone out there who feels this. I am currently in prep for a show and have been so since late dec. My wife does not understand this and to be frank, I don't feel she is being supportive on this. Has anyone been in this situation, because the drama combined with the diet is getting a little rough. We are sure growing apart and I don my best to try to help her understand but get accused of being selfish. I do work here at he gym so to her it probably always seems like i am consumed with this (which I am). WTFlip do I do? Any suggestion. This stuff is for real.

I got married last february...2009. I started prep in late december and after four weeks I realised this is not a good idea. For me it was sort of disrespectfull to my wife (she didn't say that I felt that way and I'm not saying that is the same for you)

I lost a fiance due to the gym/bodybuilding...and I know MANY other people who have also. I'm not kidding...people in this "sport" lose wives/girlfriends all the time. I've had three close friends who are national competors tell me the same thing "these four walls ruined my life and marriage".

I didn't want to take that risk as i went through it once before.

And if you are wondering the girl who left me was a very serious figure competitor so she understood the sport.

[dcflex]

This might seem like a stupid post to some of you but I know there has to be someone out there who feels this. I am currently in prep for a show and have been so since late dec. My wife does not understand this and to be frank, I don't feel she is being supportive on this. Has anyone been in this situation, because the drama combined with the diet is getting a little rough. We are sure growing apart and I don my best to try to help her understand but get accused of being selfish. I do work here at he gym so to her it probably always seems like i am consumed with this (which I am). WTFlip do I do? Any suggestion. This stuff is for real.

I'm going through this as well. In addition, I have a 4 month old daughter (our first child). My wife is still losing the baby weight (although she looks great), while I'm getting in the best shape of my life. So to say the least, it's a struggle. I've always felt like most of the problems stem from her jealousy of my improvements and feeling threatened that other women may find me more attractive and thus lose interest in her.

The only thing I can suggest is to do your best to include her if the lifestyle as much as you can (read: as much as she's willing). You also need to be really open about why this is important to you. For me, this is the conclusion of 3 years of changing my life (300 lbs to a bodybuilding show) and she gets that most of the time.

It also helps sometimes to remind her that my hobbies could include - drinking with my buddies, not coming home when I say I will, screwing around on her, and/or being a lazy father. The fact that my hobby is my body thus increasing my appeal to her and the likelihood that I'll survive to see our 50th wedding anniversary is a GOOD thing.

Hope that helps. You're not alone.

[dcflex]

Good advice. I agree. I did my first show last summer and it was definitely tough making sure not to neglect my wife. She was my biggest support however and very understanding of my moodiness and hours spent in the gym. I could not have done it without her. I would make sure you let your wife know how much the show means to you and the fulfillment you get from it but also make sure to not neglect her. It's tough but necessary in order to be a loving and selfless husband. I think the biggest part that I learned is to be there for her mentally when you are together. I would easily drift away thinking about my training and diet which was on my mind 24/7.

However, the relationship should be your number one priority, not the show.

I think the last line here is a little unrealistic. If you're not happy with yourself, or give up things that you truly value to make a relationship work, it won't. In a marriage there is always give and take, but denying the things you love for your spouse is never a road to wedded bliss. My wife and child are always #1, but she HAS to understand that for me to be a happy and well adjusted husband and father there are things I have to be able to do.

[Zarazen]

This is why i appreciate my wife so much. She'll take my progress pics, cook for me some times and give me her opinion. At the moment i'm 14 weeks out so i'm sure it'll get worse but she is truly special. I also try to do it in a way where it doesn't really affect her. I'll go to the gym at 6AM so after work i can come home and take care of our 3 month old while she takes it easy. Then i'll prep my next day's meals when the little one goes to bed. Even on the weekends i do it on purpose to go when her and the baby are sleeping. I'll also still go out to see family and friends but now it's more for coffee then for supper or we'll just invite them over to our place so we can choose what to cook.

She always tells me I can do whatever i want as long as it doesn't cost a ton of money or is illegal

[bearcub197]

To the OP dont do the same thing I did. I wasnt getting ready for a comp. But my last year in college all i could think about or even talk about was winning a national title in wrestling. I had a girlfriend of 2 years, madly in love and i put it before her. If anyone on here has ever wrestled its pretty close to getting ready for a comp. you diet, workout, run practice etc. it takes your life. But all she wanted was time and attention, i put her aside and told my self " she doesnt understand" . now that i look back she did understand and I was the one in the wrong, i would only call her on my days after meets ( cheat days) to go get food and sex. she caught the pattern and pointed it out and i would always fight with her when all she wanted was time. im not saying i would change anything because im ridiculously happy with my girl now. but last i heard my ex is getting married and i wont lie it stings a bit. not that i still have feelings for her. But now 2 years later i do realize that i was completely wrong. Basically like what everyone else is saying, balance it and try to make her a priority above ur comp..... but not much higher Just imagine it from her side, your not a pro, its not paying ur bills. How would you feel to be brushed aside for a hobby.