Why am I scared to take the next step (srs)

[loseyourself]

Please guys, serious thread. I have some major issues. I have chances to hang with 'cool' dudes, drink with them, play ball with them on saturdays, possibly **** their hot women friends but I just don't ever take the chance/risk and stay in my ****ing comfort zone. It's starting to seriously bug me why I just cannot let go of insecurities and just go for something and not give a **** about the outcome or if I am embarassed or rejected. I am good looking enough to get hot girls but I am seriously unable to actually hold a normal conversation with them. In class the hottest (srs) chicks always sit beside me and talk to me and while I can act 'cool' I end up asking them on dates or whatever and simply **** it up somehow or just don't show up or do something stupid (invite a girl to come drinking with me when I was already drinking with another girl...who the **** does that)

Seriously misc, provide some clarity.

[babolimp]

sounds like you're an idiot. clear enough?

[Brahesthetics]

you should lose yourself (serious)

[loseyourself]

sounds like you're an idiot. clear enough?

C'mon bro...offer some real advice not some bull****. An idiot? Far from it bro.

[HereComesTraveler]

sounds like you're an idiot. Clear enough?

qft

[Nitric Oxide]

your problem is that you're too conscious of what's cool. You need to develop two things. A sense of direction and a sense of individuality. With those, will come confidence and most of your problems will be solved. In addition to that, confidence will also make you solution oriented.

[iamtheawesome]

You are obviously not as cool as you think you are.

Quit trying, and just be.

[loseyourself]

You are obviously not as cool as you think you are.

Quit trying, and just be.

Dude, I know I'm not as cool as I think I am. I can put on an act but my real self slowly comes out and it is a facepalm after that.

Explain the last part.

[loseyourself]

your problem is that you're too conscious of what's cool. You need to develop two things. A sense of direction and a sense of individuality. With those, will come confidence and most of your problems will be solved. In addition to that, confidence will also make you solution oriented.

Elaborate. How the **** do I do that?

[joemoran]

Please guys, serious thread. I have some major issues. I have chances to hang with 'cool' dudes, drink with them, play ball with them on saturdays, possibly **** their hot women friends but I just don't ever take the chance/risk and stay in my ****ing comfort zone. It's starting to seriously bug me why I just cannot let go of insecurities and just go for something and not give a **** about the outcome or if I am embarassed or rejected. I am good looking enough to get hot girls but I am seriously unable to actually hold a normal conversation with them. In class the hottest (srs) chicks always sit beside me and talk to me and while I can act 'cool' I end up asking them on dates or whatever and simply **** it up somehow or just don't show up or do something stupid (invite a girl to come drinking with me when I was already drinking with another girl...who the **** does that)

Seriously misc, provide some clarity.

I think you have a hangups about something. I am not sure you would divulgeall the personal information but basically if you dont take care or get over whatever it is that isbothering you deep inside then nothing's gonna change.

[xXDeadmanXx]

You should invite a girl to use E with you. You'll both have an awesome time and bond and **** and **** like crazy.

[iamtheawesome]

Dude, I know I'm not as cool as I think I am. I can put on an act but my real self slowly comes out and it is a facepalm after that.

Explain the last part.

Stop worrying about being cool, and just be yourself.

When ever someone tries to be cool, it is usually blatantly obvious that they are putting on an act.

[loseyourself]

I think you have a hangups about something. I am not sure you would divulgeall the personal information but basically if you dont take care or get over whatever it is that isbothering you deep inside then nothing's gonna change.

I think I know what my hangups. I have a couple deep, deep ones.

[supreme snuggie]

just say yes next time you get invited. no questions asked. then take it from there

[Nitric Oxide]

Elaborate. How the **** do I do that?

ya, so let's start. This will only work if you're honest. So the first thing is identifying your ambitions in life which will give you purpose and direction. Questions....

What do you want in life?
What are you doing to get there?


So for me, I want money and looks, just like most other people. And what am I doing to get there? I take a lot of college classes which I see as productive and I lift very heavy to achieve my goal physique. In addition to that, I research my profession a lot. Getting money will only come if you know what you're doing so I make an effort to learn material on my own. Of course this is a very brief explanation.

Are you going to college? Why or why not? If so, what is your major?


Tell me what your plan in life is...

[loseyourself]

Stop worrying about being cool, and just be yourself.

When ever someone tries to be cool, it is usually blatantly obvious that they are putting on an act.

For the most part, I try to be my 'best self' if you know what I mean. And I succeed in that. It's not an act. When I am confident I am a cool person and a good dude. But I am rarely confident.

[Snookems]

Pop a ***** and relax

[opk383]

I understand what you are going through.

My best advice, sit down look at all the things god has blessed you with. All the opportunities you have which others dont, and truly ask yourself what you want. Have faith in yourself and ask god to continue to take care of you, there is no reason to rush to a decision let it flow and what happens... happens.

[KnowledgeOfSelf]

sounds like you got a small penis

[wieywill]

Pop a ***** and relax

ahaha that was funny as hell...lol

[_Ishy]

1) Stop giving a ****
2) Go chill with the cool kids

[.MANoWAR.]

"Quit trying, and just be."

i like that, repped. be yourself. i realize its much easier said then done if you are a shy person. its important not to think of what other people are thinking of you and just live your life.

-if you are talking to an attractive girl, take the 'spotlight' off yourself and put it on her. focus on what she is saying/doing instead of you. chances are she is also worried about how she is acting.

-ask a lot of questions. this way it will be up to them to give answers and really get the conversation moving and it makes you look like you're really interested.

-when you see the girl for the first time of the day (i.e. in class), always make sure to greet her. dont assume you are coming on too strong and that you are bothering her.

-poke fun at her sarcastically. this will lead to her to playfully joke back and maybe touch you in a 'tee hee, you're such a jerk!' manner.

-ask her if she puts out on the first date (not srs)


anyways, good luck. keep those things in mind when talking to a girl you're interested in.

[loseyourself]

ya, so let's start. This will only work if you're honest. So the first thing is identifying your ambitions in life which will give you purpose and direction. Questions....

What do you want in life?
What are you doing to get there?


So for me, I want money and looks, just like most other people. And what am I doing to get there? I take a lot of college classes which I see as productive and I lift very heavy to achieve my goal physique. In addition to that, I research my profession a lot. Getting money will only come if you know what you're doing so I make an effort to learn material on my own.

Are you going to college? Why or why not? If so, what is your major?


Tell me what your plan in life is...

What do I want in life? A great career in the finance field. I keep up to date with the stock markets, futures, commodities, etc everyday and I am always reading a book related to the industry (autos on Buffet, stock market books, tech analysis books, fundamental analysis books, etc. Some people think finance/econ is nerdy but I really enjoy it and I am a lot smarter then you're average 'finance' student).

On the other hand, I really want to be happy too. I don't want to be some money hungry chump who only cares about me. I want happiness- a career I love, great relationships, family & friends, is that too much to ask?

Yes I go to college. a small college in my city. Parents can't afford to send me somewhere else. Finance major.

[NRAFL]

Maybe this will help brah:




Discover a shocking & controversial revelation of what women REALLY want in a man,
how they?d like to be approached, teased, talked to and touched? but in whatever circumstances will NEVER tell their man!

Inside you'll discover... :
* How to get the woman you REALLY want to ?suddenly? fall for you, develop deep emotional feelings of attraction for you no matter what your prior relationship was before this
"Word-for-word? scripts and communication techniques on how to flirt with women the way most successful naturals do
* How to project rock-solid confidence & remain playfully relaxed and centered in the presence of beautiful women so you can easily know exactly what to say and what to do to get the kinds of women you want
* Creating attraction in a woman usually takes more than just saying the right things... it requires a special combination of humor, flirting, body language, inner game, attitude, and other vitally important elements. You?ll learn how it all connects to one another here...
* Breakthrough discoveries on the latest attraction techniques that powerfully pulls women to you; from sexual communication, the art of flirting, teasing ?tricks?, voice tonalities, body language...

... and much, much more!

http://rapidshare.com/files/25592720...t__Dimple_.rar

[iamtheawesome]

For the most part, I try to be my 'best self' if you know what I mean. And I succeed in that. It's not an act. When I am confident I am a cool person and a good dude. But I am rarely confident.

Again, there is no such thing as "best self."

You either act as you normally would, or you are pretending to be something you are not.

The only way to get passed the issue of self confidence is to stop giving a sh*t about impressing others, and just be yourself.

You stated that you'll ask girls out, and then not show up for dates. That is because you know that you are not who you portrayed yourself to be, and that a different person will eventually show. The issue is that you may be sabotaging yourself, as who your really are may appeal to the girl, but you'll look like a tool for faking it earlier.

If it is an anxiety issue, then get therapy.

[loseyourself]

I understand what you are going through.

My best advice, sit down look at all the things god has blessed you with. All the opportunities you have which others dont, and truly ask yourself what you want. Have faith in yourself and ask god to continue to take care of you, there is no reason to rush to a decision let it flow and what happens... happens.

Dude...this has been said in every self help book known to man. You think I don't know this? And its so much easier said then done. I have done this before...listed all the positives, tried to be grateful. It simply does not work.

[TrippyChip]

You are scared of what people think of you. You are so terrified of rejection or not being approved of so much so that you avoid situations where anyone might judge you. What you should figure out is why you put so much value in what other people think of you? Why is your belief in yourself so dependent on being accepted by others? What happens when you get rejected really? Even in the worst way possible, are you any less of a person than you were before? If a girl shuts you down or a dude makes fun of you, have you somehow become worse because of this? Probably not. So ask yourself, why do i need acceptance so much? I agree with the guy above though, he hit it on the nail. You lack any sense of direction. You don't have some sort of project, or goal to work on only for yourself, to give you strength in yourself. You need to have that something that you work hard on and care for regardless of what anyone else thinks. Its not something you brag about or something you do to get chicks or what not, its something you are passionate about with or without people giving you props. These are the things that matter.

Look man, in the end, just logic this **** out. Should you feel less of a person when someone doesnt agree with you or like you? Probably not, because nothing in their opinion literally affects you. The people who you probably look up to have strong opinions of themselves. Thats what you really need. They do things because they have goals and things they want to do with their lives, not to seek attention or carry favor. They don't really let what other ppl think affect them. Because getting depressed and trying to please people and who everyone else wants you to be gets you no where. And sooner or later, you will find doing that unfulfilling. You need only please yourself. Build a standard for who you want to be and live up to that standard, not for anyone else but you.

[Worldwide]

You're focusing on the things that don't matter....blah, blah, blah

[KurtyJ99]

your problem is that you're too conscious of what's cool. You need to develop two things. A sense of direction and a sense of individuality. With those, will come confidence and most of your problems will be solved. In addition to that, confidence will also make you solution oriented.

Amen.

[Nitric Oxide]

What do I want in life? A great career in the finance field. I keep up to date with the stock markets, futures, commodities, etc everyday and I am always reading a book related to the industry (autos on Buffet, stock market books, tech analysis books, fundamental analysis books, etc. Some people think finance/econ is nerdy but I really enjoy it and I am a lot smarter then you're average 'finance' student).

On the other hand, I really want to be happy too. I don't want to be some money hungry chump who only cares about me. I want happiness- a career I love, great relationships, family & friends, is that too much to ask?

Yes I go to college. a small college in my city. Parents can't afford to send me somewhere else. Finance major.

That's fine if you can't afford some big school, not everyone can. So I ask, how close are you to graduation and how many credits do you currently take?