List of copypasta's and meme's

[Glutes_brah3]

What should we do about these feelings we have for eachother? I think we should spend time together as soon as possible and see what happens. Im crazy about you and you make me feel so special knowing you are thinking about me!! Hop you get some great sleep and we get a chance to talk more later!!




If not… I understand.

[Wonderboy]

Every single ****ing day I wake up like a goddam bull, ready to charge out and destroy everything in my path. Maybe I'll start a new business, maybe I'll buy a house, maybe I'll get in my car and drive to Texas, I don't ****ing know, but I'm going to do something that makes me happy. Sure, I used to be sad and pathetic like you, not sure what I wanted to do with my life, until I realized, there is no "single thing". I want everything. I want thick juicy steaks still dripping blood, I want wide-open blue skies, endless summer, ice cold glacier water out of the skull of my enemy. I want to **** until I scream, drive up the face of a cliff, ride horses in France, blow 10 grand on peanut butter or maybe just buy the biggest suite in the place and sit around ordering pay-per-view. It's your goddam life you spineless ****, no one is going to live it for you. You better wake the **** up now, or you're going to turn around, look at your Chrysler Minivan, your mortgage, your pot-belly and your thinning hair and wonder with crushing regret where it all went, how you got here, and what the **** do you do now? Goddam, I want to slap you and wake you the **** up. You want to know what to do? LEAVE THE ****ING HOUSE and go explore. **** a midget. Create a stand-up routine and do open mike night. Yeah, you aren't funny. Get over it. Learn something new. Go out and live.

[Shugga_Free]

Basically my best tip for workouts is muscle confusion.
When I hit the rack I try to make as much noise as possible, knocking the weights together, kicking my water bottle, anything that will confuse my muscles.
The next thing I do is grunt and scream as I'm lifting, this creates brain confusion and in turn creates muscle confusion.

[Lambo2579]

but who was phone?

I accidentally the whole thing


has anyone ever gone so far as to...

[ignitionsuper]

Sometimes, I troll personals on craigslist, get people on the hook, and reply with stuff like this:

It was October of 2002 in La Jolla, CA. I was a graduate student at
UCSD studying electrical engineering and failing out of school with a
3.44 GPA, according to Jehovah, that GPA means failing. What did God
decide to do? At the moment I confessed to the campus police that I
was depressed, he had a demon possess me and tell me, "I'm sorry,"
meaning I was to be damned. What would happen next would nearly end
the world when Satan got involved. I was paranoid and thought that the
government was spying on me at school--the day I returned home the LA
Times had an article, "When in doubt, kick out?" about how the
government was starting to spy on even caucasians and do "psychological
warfare."

I did not know that hearing "I'm sorry" in my head meant I would be
damned. Over the months, I started taking 150mg of Effexor XR per
day--it seemed like my problems were behind me in my mania. Due to
more demon attacks, I thought it was going to be the end of the world.
But first, I started attending church, as Effexor XR than suggested
that going to church might help with depression. I was baptized on
March 9, 2003, my 27th birthday, by Pastor Doug in Buena Park. My
mother gave me a book called the "Journey of Iztlan," about the end of
the world, and on March 31, 2003 I took off in my car at 150 miles per
hour, driving a Honda Accord LX, toward the nuclear power plant in San
Onofre, CA, thinking that this would fool people into trying to get
free of a nuclear attack in Orange County. As I was driving back,
heaven and hell entered my body and I missed the 405 freeway going back
home and stayed on the 5 freeway, getting totally lost. Eventually, I
pulled off the freeway and tried to head West, going towards the ocean,
to try in vain to find a way home. I was possessed directly by Satan,
who was interested in me because I thought it was the end of the world
and they could not kill me. So what happened, in my mania, was that I
ended up about to drive my car off of a cliff in San Pedro, but heaven
or some voice told me to drive back quickly, which I did at the maximum
speed I could, nearly totaling my car and sending me to the hospital.


I was sent home that evening, with no tickets, and it looked like I had
just been in a manic situation. Little did I know that Satan, who
lives in England, would think it was the end of the world. You might
have seen on the Drudge Report that there was a talking fish in New
York about this time that told people to "study the Talmud," a Satanic
text meant to make Hebrews fail out of heaven. Satan and his demons
kept trying to kill me, and soon in the month of April, before going to
see a psychiatrist, I was possessed directly by Jesus and told not to
go see a doctor. My parents kicked me out of the house with the
police, forcing me into College Hospital for three days, and then
living in motels. The angel Atan, who would later fall for refusing to
love me, sentenced me to twenty years of hell, the same term as Hitler,
for having hurt people for Satan thinking it was the end of the world.
I was told that I would be killed within 15 minutes, but for whatever
reason, Jehovah let me live.


In the following months, I tried, although weakly, due to my evil
heart, to talk to the homeless in the area of Orange County, CA. I had
read in the Bible that with faith, anybody would be released from
demonic possession, so I foolishly again sought to go to churches and
pray. God continued to hurt me, moving my soul to the right side of my
body, and I smelled smoke, meaning I am to go to the lake of fire for
being evil and trying to have faith. I sought help on this newsgroup
numerous times, and you all thought I was a liar, not doing a damn
thing to help me.


Satan's present estimate is that there are up to 70 years left before
the end of the world. You should also know that about 13 years ago,
heaven wanted to kill all of the homosexuals in America, including me,
but Jesus argued with God, since this would cause "glory eyed" people
who were very loving of people,. including homosexuals, to think that
God was evil. During the Bush administration, it was said that it
could never be done because Bush was an evangelical. Let me recap what
I explained to you on this newsgroup and other newsgroups:


Aug 12 2003: I told you that Great Evil was on earth hurting people,
with 20,000 demons in America. There will be up to 240,000 demons by
the end. They are forbidden to go to certain places presently like
Israel, China, and Canada; and Mexico because it is too bad there.
India, too, they are forbidden to go. Mainly, Satan as I have said,
lives in England and the area around him is very godly. He lives in an
apartment. The reason that Satan has been so angry with me and my
family is that thinking that it was the end of the world caused him to
spend $15 million out of $25 million dollars. They invested in things
like stickers with embedded psychological messages that they put all
over Orange County, and underground music designed to hurt people that
sounds like a dance mix, but again has hidden psychological messages.
Sep 8 2003: I told you that Jesus told me that 80% of holocaust victims
were saved on soc.culture.israel. Hitler was in fact crazy, and God
allowed the holocaust because it saved entire Hebrew families in tact.
Anne Frank, the author of her diaries, was damned for thinking that God
was evil to allow the holocaust.
Oct 30 2003: I told you that God loved hispanic people much.
Dec 14 2003: I told you I was evil and having trouble talking to
homeless people.
Jan 20 2004: I told you that Satan found that my name, Alexander, was
Ezekiel and that my name said as "Ezekiel Agasco" added up to 666 and
that they thought I could be the Antichrist. I had returned to
Southern California from Florida.
Aug 9 2004: I told you that Jesus told me that at the end of the world,
people needed to "love well" and not care so much if they lived or
died.
Wed, Aug 4 2004: I told you that I had been possessed for more than one
year.
Sat, Aug 14 2004: I told you that there were 20,000 demons in the U.S.
May 19th, 2005: I told you that I was seeking an exorcism in Orange
County from Father Joe Fenton (frjfen...@rcbo.org) and he did nothing
to help me. Heaven said that I was beyond help--that the Bible says
there are people that should not be prayed for.
Wed, Mar 29 2006: I told you not to go to Church because Jehovah hurts
people without mercy, as it says in the Bible that Jehovah would hurt
certain groups of people with "no mercy."


What has God been doing with his powers? Instead of helping people to
be saved, he has been hurting me in Southern California--hurting up to
millions of people. Everybody I have known, including my family, has
been badly hurt by Great Evil due to my private, sins of homosexual
computer porn. Jehovah says that I can never be released from the
demons. I have had two exorcisms from Calvary Chapel in Huntington
Beach and written to all of the United States Senate telling them that
I have been demon possessed, and still Jehovah is evil and refuses to
release me or kill me. I have been threated with going to Lake Level
5, which is the hottest part of the Lake of Fire.

[umadimtrollin]

Ultimate Flame:

You have the personality of wallpaper. You are deficient in all that lends character. On a good day, you're a half-wit. You are dank and filthy. Phone sex operators hang up on you. You are a fiend and a sniveling coward. You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that you exist and despise everything about you. God created cockroaches, fleas, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his standards and made you. You are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed, hairy-livered inbred trout-defiler. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your neck to get a dog to play with you. You are asinine and benighted. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. Your alleged mother abandoned you at birth and then died of shame in recognition of what they had done to Earth. Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.0001 worth of electricity used to send them? You're a putrescent mass, a swine, and a vulgar little maggot. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a few cards short of a full deck, a few bricks short of a full load, and a few chromosomes short of a full human. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a spineless little worm only deserving of the profoundest contempt. Your attempt at constructing a response was pitiful, maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count correctly, you will have more success. It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. You emit more stupidity in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other drivel. May you choke on your own foolish opinions.

[Gadgetron]

So I am 21 and my little sister is only 11. Anyways she gets in the shower and a little while later gets out and goes into her room to dress.
Like 3 seconds later she starts screaming and I am working out in my room doing my third rep of chest curls, so I have no shirt on. I immediatly drop my 50 lb weights and barge in and ask her what the fukc is wrong with her and she points up at the ceiling and its just a little stupid spider on the ceiling. Our ceiling is kind of high so I have to jump to get it. So i grab a magazine and jump up to swat it. and I hit it a little but it falls and lands right on my fukcing sisters head.
she immideatly drops her towel and starts swatting at her head screaming "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF" I notice it crawling down her back and it is still alive I drop the magazine because it wasnt working so well and i grab her shoulder with one hand to get control of her because she is flailing around like a maniac and then I am swatting at it with my only other free hand. and just then my parents burst in and see her naked and me in just my aids shorts spanking her rearend while she is crying her ****ing guts out.
Most embarassing day of my life. I tried to explain to them i was like "guys oh no wait there was a spider there was spider and stuff". and my little sister was still crying her guts oout and my dad just exploded and told me to "get in your fukcing room immediatly you sick fukcing predator". It doesnt help that a couple months ago they found a pair of her undies on my floor. I dont know how they got there but probably were stuck in my pants after mom did laundry or something.

i really feel like killing myself right now.

[frozenbagel]

I'm gonna be completely honest with you even though you will disagree with me but trust me it is the correct answer. I've seen you post in the religion and politics section and you are pretty religious. Your religion (Islam) took away your childhood, your social life sucks and you still have never drank or even went out, thats why. You say you dont like sluts, but sorry man all girls are sluts. Bro do your own thing, you just ruined your entire childhood for a religion and look what it has got you, nothing, you never kissed a girl and your miscing all day looking ugly as fuk. You're so against everything because of your religion that it has got you nothing, except for a good made up afterlife that you seem to think so.

[PatrickDurden]

I love this thread.

[rkesh88]

I'm gonna be completely honest with you even though you will disagree with me but trust me it is the correct answer. I've seen you post in the religion and politics section and you are pretty religious. Your religion (Islam) took away your childhood, your social life sucks and you still have never drank or even went out, thats why. You say you dont like sluts, but sorry man all girls are sluts. Bro do your own thing, you just ruined your entire childhood for a religion and look what it has got you, nothing, you never kissed a girl and your miscing all day looking ugly as fuk. You're so against everything because of your religion that it has got you nothing, except for a good made up afterlife that you seem to think so.

I lol'd hard at work for this one

[Strong_1rd_Post]

anyone find or have the one about some dood going to prison, finding a bible or something, and punchline is something like having a knife in their.

i forgot how it goes. but i couldn't stop loling

[cootdaddy]

elbows too pointy!!

[JM3K]

lol its brian

[Autodidactic]

lol its brian

lol this. Definitely Brian/Internet/paper

[Uncontested]

Dude I think you might have something wrong with your brain. Why are you trying to be all cyberbully on me. Do you really think anyone cares about you. You talk to people like they are trash. Why would you want to come off like that. Does it make you feel tough? Are you trying to make up for having a small smelly dick? You need to see a shrink. Have fun going through life wondering why people don't like you. I'll give you a hint though, you try to make others feel like ****. But you have failed on me. I know what you are. See, the thing is, I'm a nice guy. You on the other hand can't control your stupidity. You really don't even realize that you are a jerk ,do you? When your older maybe you can look back on times like this and see that you where unnecessarily rude to people you don't know. Right now you think you are being cleaver and it is just a fun time. Keep treating people like you do and see where you end up. You can not compete with my intellect so I warn you to give up before you embarrass yourself further..

[Strong_1rd_Post]

anyone find or have the one about some dood going to prison, finding a bible or something, and punchline is something like having a knife in their.

i forgot how it goes. but i couldn't stop loling

anyone?

[Cuhh]

bump so you brahs can add what you like.

[Patient Bear]

bumping for moar

[jake1224]

lmagine this. You are attracted to women, like you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better.

That's what life is like to me.

I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else. Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will never know true love.






*my personal favorite

[rahulpaley]

Your eyes are too far apart. Nose is definitely crooked. The shape of your face is not aesthetically pleasing at all. You look like a 3/10 with make up in this photo. I don't even want to imagine what you look like without make up. I actually just threw up in my mouth, just thinking about it.

Your head is too big (although that may be, because of your giraffe neck posture). As for your hair, lol. Seriously, do something. You look like a horse.

Stare at your face for more than 5 seconds, and you will see how ugly you are. The eyes which are too far apart is what ruins/damages an already ugly face even further. Unfortunately for you, that can't be surgically fixed, lol.

You arms are way too long. lol at how they hang by your sides. Kind of reminds me of lurch. As for your tits, we all know there is extra padding there. Don't even let me start on your pale complexion. It only works if you look hot. Unfortunately, you do not look hot. Its hard to sum up a creature like you in one word. 'UGLY' would be unfair, since it doesn't reflect how repulsive you look. GROTESQUE is stretching it. But somewhere in between, is where you would be, on the scale of an average man.

I'm sorry if my words seem a little harsh. Just so you know, I sugar coated this post as much as possible.

Have a nice day.

[rahulpaley]

Ultimate Flame:

You have the personality of wallpaper. You are deficient in all that lends character. On a good day, you're a half-wit. You are dank and filthy. Phone sex operators hang up on you. You are a fiend and a sniveling coward. You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that you exist and despise everything about you. God created cockroaches, fleas, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his standards and made you. You are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed, hairy-livered inbred trout-defiler. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your neck to get a dog to play with you. You are asinine and benighted. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. Your alleged mother abandoned you at birth and then died of shame in recognition of what they had done to Earth. Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.0001 worth of electricity used to send them? You're a putrescent mass, a swine, and a vulgar little maggot. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a few cards short of a full deck, a few bricks short of a full load, and a few chromosomes short of a full human. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a spineless little worm only deserving of the profoundest contempt. Your attempt at constructing a response was pitiful, maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count correctly, you will have more success. It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. You emit more stupidity in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you. I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other drivel. May you choke on your own foolish opinions.

No this is the ultimate flame:

Your mother is a whore and the daughter of a whore. Your father was likely her brother, but could have been any of her cousins. I'd have a second deliver a card on a silver platter, but your kind generally wouldn't understand it, and doesn't deserve much more than a dog-whipping anyway. You havn't got a clue. You couldn't get a clue if you smeared yourself with clue musk and danced the clue mating dance in a field full of horny clues in clue mating season. Your eyebrows meet in the middle, your forehead slopes, your pet gerbil wants you dead. Your mother would dress you funny if she could afford clothes. You're the primary reason bigots hate your ethnic group. You were obviously not toilet-trained correctly, which explains the stains on the floor of your cardboard box. Your webbed feet go well with the pointy forehead. Your manners are hideous, your brain minute, and your body odor could fell an ox. You would fit in on a short bus to a convention of Fundies.You are a living, breathing poster-child for birth-control and abortion.You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?You are a waste of flesh, food and air. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, abrasive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.Go pee in an electrical outlet.

[Epic-Dumbell]

Let me tell you something you already know. The misc ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as misc. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how miscing is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that.




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species1. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Greens are set aside in a Brandy Snifter, both in homage to rockers of old2, and for small amounts of self indulgence3 as the championship is underway.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[Epic-Dumbell]

Now this is a tale of how the way in which i live my life was utterly turned upon its ear, so I would fain request a moment of your time, please stay in your seat, and I will recount the tale of how I was elected as the Prince of Bell Aire. In the settlement of Philielphia, I was born. Playing hoop and stick is how I would pass the time as a child. I was relaxing peacefully, presenting myself as an upright gentleman, when quite to my dismay a band of ruffians began to wreck havoc upon my humble neighborhood. I was engaged in one small dual with these chaps and my mother was filled with fear, and henceforth decreed that I was to take new residence with my Aunt and Uncle in settlement of Bell Aire. I arranged for a carriage and as it arrived I noted the horses were branded with the word "FRESH" and a pair of playing dice were strung up over the mirror. If I could make any further comments, I would remark that the carriage had a foul stench. However, I choose to ignore it and exclaimed "Sally forth to Bell Aire!" I arrived at the home of my relatives between the hours of seventh and eight o' clock and said to the carriage drive "I shall smell your stench at a later date, my good man." I surveyed my glorious kingdom, for I had finally arrived, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bell Aire.

[Shin0bi]

Yeah, I used to be allowed to walk my dog in public. This all changed back in 1998 when me and my Labrador took our relationship to the next level. It was an ordinary dog walk on a regular Tuesday evening in the suburbs. Chandler finished defecating and I got the doggy bag ready. As I bent over to pick up his droppings, he moved behind me and attempted to mount me. I was shocked! I did a quick double take to make sure no one was around, and removed my drawers. Chandler began humping me through my skirt and I lifted it up for him to penetrate me. I backed up until I felt his knob on my labia, and he started to pump. I had sex with my dog many times before, but the idea of doing it out in public never came across my mind. For some reason people find it taboo. He was pounding me so quick that I felt his cock throbbing like he was gonna come any second. I couldn't muffle my moans any longer. I picked up his droppings and took a huge whiff, getting some on my nose and upper lip. I backed up until his knob penetrated me and screamed in pleasure. Chandler unloaded in me and we were both spent. We collapsed on the sidewalk together and watched the stars pass as his semen leaked out of me, when I stood up I realized a man roughly the age of 70 was staring at me through his window 12 feet away. We made brief eye contact and he passed out. I had to get out of there quickly! I picked up my underwear and we made a dash for my house. I got home and I had a dilemma, should I call the



--------


I am a Time Traveller. For the last few years, I have been privileged enough to have my very own time machine. Every time I take a trip anywhere in my time traveling car, I time travel for a small portion of the trip. I don't need to reach 88 miles per hour, nor do I need a flux capacitor. I just put my foot on the gas pedal, and when my car shifts from 2nd gear to 3rd gear, it's time traveling time. At this point, the speedometer instantly jumps up approximately 20km/h and it practically breaks your neck. This is most definitely time traveling because the jump is virtually instantaneous. Another indication that my car is indeed a time machine is its name, Mazda 626 Cronos, and everyone knows that cronos=time travel. Ever played Cronotrigger? Did you know they used a cronos for controlling time in that game?

[Amaso]

These are both my favorites, short and easy to use

Awesome pics. Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. Thanks for the motivation.


Dude, i’m gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my thread. and I’m being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont post sht that was perviously locked. you’re a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking serious. gert areal family that makes good threads, posts pics and vids and gifs and has a good fuking time, and has a million rep account on the mod forum, im seriously.. dont eever potst your fuking poverty thread on these forums ever the fuk again bro, and by bro i mean never my bro, fuking *******.

[rahulpaley]

Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little ****s in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little ****s that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the ****ing skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprinkle of blood on the little ****’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little **** he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “****! ****!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “****! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! ****!”. By now, the kid is scared ****less and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Ma'am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m ****ING HIV POSITIVE.” And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just ****ed up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my **** from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the **** she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob. I'm not really HIV Positive, but that little **** must've gotten in a ****heap of trouble.

[rahulpaley]

I laugh at all you ***gots who are imprisoned in a relationship. They are worthless. The only men who need their better half were half a man to begin with.

Look what I get to do. I wake up, and go surfing in the morning before work. Then I change in my car and head off to my job where I make 110,000 a year. I work for 6 hours, then come home. I can listen to music, and even go on /b/ if I'm ahead schedule.

Then I get off work, and get to come home and relax in front of my 21" LCD monitor, which has a custom build, Quad-Core Processor, and have 2 8800 ULTRA video cards. 8 gigs or ram. 1 TB HD for games and other progs, and an external 1 TB HD for porn, and movies. I've also got a $500 chair, that is comfortable as ****, and a 9.1 surround system, in my room and my living room. I can run Crysis on Very High and get 50 FPS. Every other game runs flawlessly. I also have a t1 internet connection for downloading anything I want within minutes. I never lag in a game.

I've got a Fleshlight, and have a 10 grand real doll I'm considering buying. Yes, I've had a gf before, and this feels pretty damn close. 9/10 to a real pussy. I recommend the wonder wave to other anons. I've got a 72 Camero I rebuilt, and put about 50 grand into. It's ****ing bad ass. I've also got a nice 2 story home. Have been making 90k-110k the last 5 years.

I have absolutely no stress in my life. No worthless **** nagging, no worthless **** expecting me to buy her ****, entertain her, etc...It's amazingly relaxing. If I had a gf, or a wife I would not have half the cool **** I do right now. All the time I spend on hobbies and other things would be sucked up. Women are ****ing worthless money grubbing, attention whoring...WHORES

/spit

I encourage you anons to do the same. Become successful, and live a wonderful single life. Don't take those bitches ****. They only cause stress. Relax and enjoy your life

[rahulpaley]

Mother****ing ****. I was just masturbating and everything was going great. I was in my room, i had my headphones on, i was totally naked sitting at my computer fapping away to a video on redtube. All of a sudden there's this really sharp pain in my dick, like it just got stabbed with a sewing needle. I jerked my hand back and it bumped into my computer tower, which sits on the desk. Well, i had my stick of deodorant on top of the tower, and that bitch fell off and landed deodorant-end-down on the head of my cock. Holy ****ing **** did that hurt, and on top of that it hit so hard that it actually forced some deodorant into my urethra. I've never had anything burn so bad in my entire life. I jumped out of my ****ing chair and stood up because it hurt so bad; this caused my headphone cable to get yanked out of my speakers, which caused "oh yeah baby come deep in my tight teen ******* uh uh uh" to get blared through my ****ing house and almost maximum volume. Now my eyes are watering from the pain of the deodorant inside my cock but i manage to punch one of my speakers hard enough so they turn off. I looked down and noticed blood dripping off of my cock; i guess the lip of the plastic deodorant thing bit into my foreskin as it connected with my cock. The blood was dripping down my leg.

This all happened in the space of maybe 6 seconds. It may seem bad but it gets worse. Just as i'm standing there trying to figure out what the **** happened, my bedroom door ****ing opens. My dad was standing there with my acceptance letter to johns hopkins. I froze and he stared at me, naked with my bloody erection for maybe 15 seconds before he noticed my computer monitor and the brutal anal sex scene going on full-screen. He immediately closed the door and left without saying anything. This may seem embarrassing but my dad is a seriously conservative christian. This happened about 15 minutes ago and he hasn't said anything to me yet. I'm still in my room trying to get the god damn ****ing old spice out of my cock. What should i do

[gmsd]

Dude, i’m gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my thread. and I’m being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont post sht that was perviously locked. you’re a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking serious. gert areal family that makes good threads, posts pics and vids and gifs and has a good fuking time, and has a million rep account on the mod forum, im seriously.. dont eever potst your fuking poverty thread on these forums ever the fuk again bro, and by bro i mean never my bro, fuking *******.

Original please.

[Brozart]

u think that **** was funny last night? Uguys were lucky i didnt come with my bro and my sisters bf to come and belt u guys. If your gonna be sad ****s dont call or involve me. U do this **** again ill blow ur cars up and put u in hospital. Yes im serious. Btw younis im not stupid i knew it was u prank calling me, ur jus lucky i was awake and abraham was in another room