Training your girlfriend

[amtharin]

My girlfriend wants to lose about 10lbs I've alway hear that girls are no different than guys and should workout the same way. so I started to work her out with me doing basically the same think I do.

I do a 3-4 day split, with a push day, pull day, and leg day (the 4th day I would just do random stuff whatever I felt like for that day). I do big compound exercises squats, DL, BOR, bench, standing military, upright row, lunges, situps. I try to workout every major muscle group (legs, back, chest, shoulders) at least one time a week.


My question is how should she be eating?? I want her to put on some muscle, because muscle is essential to staying in shape, and keeping fat off, but I dont want her to bulk, as in eat a lot. She is trying to lose weight, so she is cutting back her eating. I assume that is going to affect her ability to build muscle, right?? Should I be working her out differently if she doesn't intend to bulk? Does anyone have any experience or success stories about working out their girlfriends?



She's been going at if for about 5-6 weeks now, and I dont think she has made much progress in terms of weight loss, but she has just now gotten to where she is comfortable with all the exercises and can do them well. For example it took her a while before she could do the BOR well, so now Im hoping she will start to see some strength gains.

[Ensur3]

500 calories less than her maintenance, and healthy foods high in protein.

And yes she should lift the same way as you except maybe do a couple more reps in a set.

[amtharin]

500 calories less than her maintenance, and healthy foods high in protein.

And yes she should lift the same way as you except maybe do a couple more reps in a set.

Will she put on muscle tho, if she cuts her calories??

[chazzy1864]

I'd tell her to eat however she wnats. Preferably at a maintenance point. If she's never been in to weight training, she will notice results no matter what.

You and her both need to stfu about weight loss and stop worrying about it. WOrry about fat loss. If she is using weights and building muscle, she will most like not "lose any weight" or in fact, even gain some (remember... muscle is heavy). So if she is losing fat, she is making progress. Who gives a sh*t what the scale says?

If she is worried about "getting bulky" have her train in very low rep ranges, or in the 12-15 range. Low ranges (i.e. 1-5) she'll increase her strength a lot, and muscle growth will be minimal as long as she isn't eating like a horse, but she will definitely harden all of her muscles.

[medjen]

Will she put on muscle tho, if she cuts her calories??

If she's never lifted before, she can take advantage of newbie gains, just like anyone else. If you keep her close to her maintenance (maybe ~200 cals under) she should be able to see some muscle growth while cutting fat. (Essentially doing a body recomposition.) Both the fat loss and the muscle growth will be slower than if she was focused on one at a time, but it is possible.

Of course, you don't provide her stats so her arbitrary goal of "losing 10 lbs" may or may not be reasonable. If she gains some muscle, she'll likely be happy with herself in the mirror even if the scale doesn't drop significantly.

[Turco]

Tricky issue. Tell her she doesn't need to lose any weight, just have her work out with you and move on. Putting her on a diet/program to "lose 10 lbs" is gonna blow up in your face when she doesn't lose 10 lbs. lol

[amtharin]

You and her both need to stfu about weight loss and stop worrying about it. WOrry about fat loss. If she is using weights and building muscle, she will most like not "lose any weight" or in fact, even gain some (remember... muscle is heavy). So if she is losing fat, she is making progress. Who gives a sh*t what the scale says?

Believe me, I understand this, she doesn't. I don't care if she drops the 10lbs or not as long as she can firm up and get in better shape. Im hoping once she starts to see a little change for the good then she will get addicted and I would have to push her as much.


Do you guys think 3 days a week is enough for her, or should she do more?? Im thinking she needs to throw some cardio in there about 3 times a week as well as the weights.

[medjen]

Believe me, I understand this, she doesn't. I don't care if she drops the 10lbs or not as long as she can firm up and get in better shape. Im hoping once she starts to see a little change for the good then she will get addicted and I would have to push her as much.


Do you guys think 3 days a week is enough for her, or should she do more?? Im thinking she needs to throw some cardio in there about 3 times a week as well as the weights.

Hopefully she wants to do this enough on her own that you won't have to "push" her much at all. It gets very touchy sometimes between couples when one is more into getting in shape than the other. Make sure you don't get into the situation where she starts to resent you for "making" her workout.

3 days/week is fine if she's a beginner.

And if her diet is spot on, she won't need cardio.

[VoxExMachina]

If she is worried about "getting bulky" have her train in very low rep ranges, or in the 12-15 range. Low ranges (i.e. 1-5) she'll increase her strength a lot, and muscle growth will be minimal as long as she isn't eating like a horse, but she will definitely harden all of her muscles.

Chazzy, Chazzy, Chazzy.... I expected better from you. Are you really saying a woman is going to get bulky simply due to her rep ranges? C'mon.

OP: There is no difference in how a woman should train as compared to a man. However, do remember that a beginner should not train the same way as an advanced lifter, nor should everyone train the same. She should train in the same way as a man who has the same goals and the same experience. Generally speaking, women will not get "bulky" no matter how hard they try.

If she is overweight (meaning "overfat"), then weight training will be her friend, but she will also benefit from a calorie deficit and additional cardio work.

If she is at a "normal" weight but has too little muscle a bit too much fat, then sticking around maintenance calories while adding weight training will allow her to gradually build muscle and drop the fat level.

If she is a beginner, she may benefit more from a simple full-body routine done multiple times per week as opposed to a multi-day split. However, whatever the routine, it should be something she enjoys and that fits her goals. Trying to push a plan on her that she doesn't enjoy will only lead to failure, no matter how well it's designed.

IMO, for anyone to be successful they have to want to do it for their own reasons, and be willing to do think for themselves. If she wants help, point her to this site so she can read and learn a bit on her own, and be willing and able to help her with a routine, technique, and tips. Acting as her PT and telling her everything to do and when is probably not going to work for long.

And that's my overly-long two cents.

[Alex2010]

Believe me, I understand this, she doesn't. I don't care if she drops the 10lbs or not as long as she can firm up and get in better shape. Im hoping once she starts to see a little change for the good then she will get addicted and I would have to push her as much.


Do you guys think 3 days a week is enough for her, or should she do more?? Im thinking she needs to throw some cardio in there about 3 times a week as well as the weights.

3 days a week if she's just starting is fine, you don't want to scare her away either.

like someone said above there ^^ I would have her do low rep ranges
squats- a must, she probably wants a nice butt and legs

keep it a light cardio till she feels shes firm enough, then if she wants she can start lowering her bf%

[chazzy1864]

Chazzy, Chazzy, Chazzy.... I expected better from you. Are you really saying a woman is going to get bulky simply due to her rep ranges? C'mon.

I used " " around bulky for a reason. Just saying if she is going to make a fuss about getting bigger, lowest and higher rep ranges (no reason to go above 15 though) will be more conducive. Becuase, as we know, 6-12 reps does promote the most hypertrophy.

[amtharin]

Hopefully she wants to do this enough on her own that you won't have to "push" her much at all. It gets very touchy sometimes between couples when one is more into getting in shape than the other. Make sure you don't get into the situation where she starts to resent you for "making" her workout.

3 days/week is fine if she's a beginner.

And if her diet is spot on, she won't need cardio.

She wants to work out, but what I have to "push" her with is the routine I have her on. She's like everyone other girl who thinks to get in shape you need to hop on a treadmill for a hour. It was like pulling teeth to get her to do some of the exercises at first, but like I said she's getting to where she's more comfortable with the movements now.

[medjen]

She wants to work out, but what I have to "push" her with is the routine I have her on. She's like everyone other girl who thinks to get in shape you need to hop on a treadmill for a hour. It was like pulling teeth to get her to do some of the exercises at first, but like I said she's getting to where she's more comfortable with the movements now.

Get her to sign up here and point her at the female section. There are a bunch of very knowledgeable ladies who are expert at dispelling such myths.

Eventually, she may even get to the point where she LIKES lifting heavy things. Something about heaving a bunch of weight around can make a woman feel like a bit of a badass.

And good on ya for trying to get her off the cardio cycle. Cardio without weights = looking like a smaller version of what you already look like.

[BHendrix]

this is not advice, but i hate training with my girl...slows me down..dont have the patience to help her when im trying to do my thing

[Alex2010]

there's a personal trainer at my gym that has THE nicest ass and legs. shes like 22-23, i'll have to ask her what she does.

[ironrat42]

I would add cardio a few times a week, along with making sure that her diet is low carb. I would do a low carb diet for 6-8 weeks, along with lower calorie. Smaller, protein rich meals throughout the day is the best way to go. If she does that along with the cardio/lifting she will lose fat. Also most of her carbs should come 0-90 mins PWO so they get used effectively. If you want her to look better, cutting the fat first, and then worrying about building some muscle would be the best approach. It is all about calories, so cardio would be a good way to go to get her burning more calories. Get on that treadmill and put it on an incline to burn up more calories.

[JFDT]

this is not advice, but i hate training with my girl...slows me down..dont have the patience to help her when im trying to do my thing

That's why she shouldn't be your training partner... I train my gf when I'm done doing my thing; that way, I can put all my efforts on showing her proper form and encouraging her.

[amtharin]

this is not advice, but i hate training with my girl...slows me down..dont have the patience to help her when im trying to do my thing

Ive got a rack and weights and workout from home with my brother. Ive got a smaller bar and weights that i had when I was i college that she uses. A bar with several 5-10lb plates. She just fits right in the rotation and doesnt really hold us back.

She was DL 80lbs the other day which I thought was good. She still wont do much more than 65lbs on squat tho.

her bench is about 55lbs
standing military about 35lb
BOR about 45lb

all of those on about a 8-12 rep range.


I keep telling her that I dont think it is unreasonable for her to be able to DL or squat her body weight, which is about 135 now, but at this time she thinks those number are way beyond her ability.

[medjen]

this is not advice, but i hate training with my girl...slows me down..dont have the patience to help her when im trying to do my thing

It's definitely not for everyone. Some couples handle it well, some don't

i came in here expecting this to be about teaching your woman housework. wow im a dick.

but i agree with this thread. i met this girl a month ago. shes really fun to be around and talk to and has the hottest face and i think i sorta like her which is wierd for me falling for a girl but i think she could lose a good 10kg. maybe i should train her.

in b4 im called an as shole

You said it. I don't have to. No wonder you're red.

I would add cardio a few times a week, along with making sure that her diet is low carb. I would do a low carb diet for 6-8 weeks, along with lower calorie. Smaller, protein rich meals throughout the day is the best way to go. If she does that along with the cardio/lifting she will lose fat. Also most of her carbs should come 0-90 mins PWO so they get used effectively. If you want her to look better, cutting the fat first, and then worrying about building some muscle would be the best approach. It is all about calories, so cardio would be a good way to go to get her burning more calories. Get on that treadmill and put it on an incline to burn up more calories.

I'd give almost the directly opposite advice. If she wants to do cardio, fine. If not, also fine. I think I've done cardio twice in the past 6 months.

Low carb doesn't matter. If she's expending more energy than she's used to, couple that with low carb and you have a recipe for grouchy and tired. Not fun. Small meals throughout the day doesn't necessarily work well for lots of women, either. When your total allotment for the day is ~1500-1700 calories, divide that by 6 and you're eating less than 300 calories at a sitting. Some people have a very difficult time being satisfied by this amount of food and it makes them more likely to cheat. As long as she's getting the appropriate number of calories and enough protein to sustain her muscle maintenance/growth, meal timing is less important.

Without more stats or pics of the girl, there's no way to tell whether she should build muscle or cut fat first. Unless she's very over fat (her wanting to lose 10 lbs at a bodyweight of 135 would point me away from this being the case) many women are "skinny fat" so, within a healthy weight range for their height, but with minimal appreciable lean mass. These women tend to do cardio for hours on end and wonder why they are still squishy. Working to build muscle while eating at or around maintenance calories can do wonders for women in this category as building up the muscle underneath the fat while burning a bit of the fat away results in a firmer appearance. This is what most women mean when they say they want to "tone up" (yes, I said it). It's really losing fat and building muscle, most of them just don't know that.

[amtharin]

nmm

[VoxExMachina]

I keep telling her that I dont think it is unreasonable for her to be able to DL or squat her body weight, which is about 135 now, but at this time she thinks those number are way beyond her ability.

Those are completely reasonable, though obviously she needs to work slow and steady up to that point given the weights she is using now. (It should go without saying to make sure she learns and practices good form with those.) However, coming from an untrained state she should make very steady progress if her routine and training are consistent. It's likely that she can lift more already, she just needs to get used to feeling the weight and knowing how hard she can push herself. That takes a bit of time to adjust to.

I'd also add the goal of being able to do bodyweight pullups.

Given what you've stated about her weight, I'd focus more on consistent training with progression each week. The added activity will probably be enough to promote a reasonable degree of body re-composition over time without messing around with calories or cardio to an extensive degree. Just let her add in cardio or cut calories as necessary based on how things are going.

[amtharin]

It's likely that she can lift more already, she just needs to get used to feeling the weight and knowing how hard she can push herself. That takes a bit of time to adjust to.

I definitely believe this. I think she is shorting me a lot of times. We will go to do BOR for example, and I'll say...

"You want to put 45 on there"

Her: "I cant do that"

Me: "Just try it"

Then she will pop out 4 sets of 10, and not even look winded. To which I will say "You should add a little more weight to make it not so easy". That's when she will role her eyes and get frustrated with me. It's like she's scared to move up, but Im proud of her for just doing it right now.

[VoxExMachina]

I definitely believe this. I think she is shorting me a lot of times. We will go to do BOR for example, and I'll say...

"You want to put 45 on there"

Her: "I cant do that"

Me: "Just try it"

Then she will pop out 4 sets of 10, and not even look winded. To which I will say "You should add a little more weight to make it not so easy". That's when she will role her eyes and get frustrated with me. It's like she's scared to move up, but Im proud of her for just doing it right now.

Don't worry about it. If she hit all her reps this workout, then just make sure she does more weight next workout. Eventually, the steady progression will catch up with her and she'll be training closer to the correct weight.

It sounds to me like she's just not that into it, though. If she is only working out because you want her to, it won't last. If she really wants to work out, then she needs to learn how to push herself instead of relying on others for her motivation.

[vvarhead17]

Get her on a clean diet with a good ratio of protein/fat/carbs while splitting her meals into at least 5 times a day. She should never go below 12 reps if shes trying to cut, keep her rep ranges high while getting short rests between sets. Keep her moving throughout the workouts and make sure she does some post cardio walking for at least 20 mins. If you really want to get into more details pm me.

Just a good idea to start with.

[amtharin]

It sounds to me like she's just not that into it, though. If she is only working out because you want her to, it won't last. If she really wants to work out, then she needs to learn how to push herself instead of relying on others for her motivation.

She wants to workout. I keep calling her my gf, but she is actually my fiancee. She in this "got to get in shape before the wedding" mindset (8 months away). I did have to convince her to go the weightlifting route rather than the treadmill route, and I pretty sure she gets it, she just the type that doesn't like to be told what to do no matter what, even when she knows your right.

[chazzy1864]

It sounds to me like she's just not that into it, though. If she is only working out because you want her to, it won't last. If she really wants to work out, then she needs to learn how to push herself instead of relying on others for her motivation.

^ Yep. Going to be tough to keep it up if this is her mind set (sounds like it).

She wants to workout. I keep calling her my gf, but she is actually my fiancee. She in this "got to get in shape before the wedding" mindset (8 months away). I did have to convince her to go the weightlifting route rather than the treadmill route, and I pretty sure she gets it, she just the type that doesn't like to be told what to do no matter what, even when she knows your right.

Well that that pretty much proved it. If it is just the wedding mindset, then she is going ot hate it. Try to find ways to blow itoff. Probably go damn near anorexic, get into that dress, and then resent lifting weights.

Not trying to be negative, I've just seen enough female friends do that. LoL

[vvarhead17]

If she wants better results she'll do both, weight training then cardio

[amtharin]

^ Yep. Going to be tough to keep it up if this is her mind set (sounds like it).


Well that that pretty much proved it. If it is just the wedding mindset, then she is going ot hate it. Try to find ways to blow itoff. Probably go damn near anorexic, get into that dress, and then resent lifting weights.

Not trying to be negative, I've just seen enough female friends do that. LoL

I disagree, I think she gets it. Like I said, she just doesnt like for people to tell her something that she should do, and actually be right about it. It a huge character flaw on her part, but I promise you it is not exclusive to working out.

[amtharin]

If she wants better results she'll do both, weight training then cardio

That's kind of what Im thinking, but on the other hand I also think that the extra cardio would inhibit her muscle growth, which I think she needs.

[chazzy1864]

I disagree, I think she gets it. Like I said, she just doesnt like for people to tell her something that she should do, and actually be right about it. It a huge character flaw on her part, but I promise you it is not exclusive to working out.

Cool if she does. Just i know most females will workout like crazy, restrict thier diets, and drive themself nuts in preparation for the wedding, then in one fell swoop, it all is dropped due to hatred, since they now associate all teh stress and calorie restriction with working out.