Our company is having a "Waist Reduction" contest. Any short jokes or one-liners would be appreciated - they're for the weekly hints and tips handout.
Thanks in advance!
01-15-2010, 12:45 PM #1
Weight loss jokes and one-liners (clean!) neededO35 5'8" Crew
O35 Rep 9 Crew- Rock on, SM!
“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.” Newt Gingrich
Failure is not on the field of battle- its between one's ears.
This game teaches us discipline, desire, dedication, determination, perseverance, and then hinges all of this on the simple basis of patience.- Meatpants
01-15-2010, 02:31 PM #2
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Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
A: He thought it was diet coke.
The Doctor put me on a diet of Viagra and Prune juice, but I had to give it up. I never knew if I was coming or going!
ONE WHO INDULGES
Sorry, that is the best I can find for the mo...When I miss you, I don?t have to go far ? I just have to look inside my heart because that?s where I?ll find you.
If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough."
Esther Pauline Friedman
01-15-2010, 07:35 PM #3
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01-15-2010, 09:56 PM #4
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The other day at the office someone got a paper cut and gravy came out...
When her phone rings people think she's backing up...
We all took a group photo last Christmas...it should be done printing around Easter...
When he stepped on the scale it said "To Be Continued"...
Her cereal bowl has a lifeguard...
Fat kids are harder to kidnap...
I'm in shape (round is a shape)...
Practice safe eating...always use condiments...
Her favorite food is seconds...
For the chicken the egg demands involvement, but for the pig bacon demands total commitment. - John Price
and my favorite of the bunch:
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
01-15-2010, 10:12 PM #5
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01-16-2010, 05:27 AM #6
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01-16-2010, 05:31 AM #7
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01-16-2010, 11:05 AM #8
Along comes another new diet.
And of course I just have to try it.
So I part with my dough,
But the pounds never go;
"Oh waiter, more chicken --and fry it!"
not that good but....
They say that consuming protein
Will make you look pumped, flat, and lean
But beware of ketosis
It gives halitosis
And dumps nitrogen in your bloodstream
Each diet has drawbacks apparent
Biochemical risks are transparent.
If you're not a big fan
Try this easier plan
And consider a skinnier parent!-------------------------------------------------
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