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  1. #1
    Threadweaver- Psyche Hero hochspeyer's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2009
    Stats: 5'8", 245 lbs
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    Weight loss jokes and one-liners (clean!) needed

    Our company is having a "Waist Reduction" contest. Any short jokes or one-liners would be appreciated - they're for the weekly hints and tips handout.

    Thanks in advance!
    O35 5'8" Crew
    O35 Rep 9 Crew- Rock on, SM!

    “Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.” Newt Gingrich

    Failure is not on the field of battle- its between one's ears.

    This game teaches us discipline, desire, dedication, determination, perseverance, and then hinges all of this on the simple basis of patience.- Meatpants
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  2. #2
    Slow down & breathe Diavola's Avatar
    Join Date: Oct 2009
    Location: United Kingdom (Great Britain)
    Age: 39
    Stats: 5'6", 133 lbs
    Posts: 215
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    Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
    A: He thought it was diet coke.



    The Doctor put me on a diet of Viagra and Prune juice, but I had to give it up. I never knew if I was coming or going!


    ONE WHO INDULGES
    BULGES


    Sorry, that is the best I can find for the mo...
    When I miss you, I don?t have to go far ? I just have to look inside my heart because that?s where I?ll find you.

    If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough."

    Esther Pauline Friedman
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  3. #3
    Registered User bobbyt321's Avatar
    Join Date: Jul 2009
    Location: Texas, United States
    Age: 47
    Stats: 5'7", 156 lbs
    Posts: 510
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    bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) bobbyt321 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000)
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    You're so fat - when you haul a$$ you gotta make two trips.
    "A successful person is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at them." David Brinkley

    http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/over-40-transformation-bob-tankersley.htm
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  4. #4
    Registered User Xev's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2009
    Location: Atlanta, Georgia, United States
    Age: 46
    Stats: 5'9", 218 lbs
    Posts: 234
    Rep Power: 191
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    The other day at the office someone got a paper cut and gravy came out...

    When her phone rings people think she's backing up...

    We all took a group photo last Christmas...it should be done printing around Easter...

    When he stepped on the scale it said "To Be Continued"...

    Her cereal bowl has a lifeguard...

    Fat kids are harder to kidnap...

    I'm in shape (round is a shape)...

    Practice safe eating...always use condiments...

    Her favorite food is seconds...

    For the chicken the egg demands involvement, but for the pig bacon demands total commitment. - John Price

    and my favorite of the bunch:

    The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
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  5. #5
    Banned jcbrowns's Avatar
    Join Date: Dec 2005
    Location: Akron, Ohio, United States
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    I'll admit, I looked this up on google. But it's funny.

    You're so fat that they had to baptize you at Sea World.
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  6. #6
    LBD Tyrbolift's Avatar
    Join Date: May 2005
    Location: Phoenix, Arizona, United States
    Stats: 6'0", 207 lbs
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    She is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.
    Time To Re-Schedule
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  7. #7
    SDMF user94984100999's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2009
    Location: Mississippi, United States
    Age: 48
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    Talking

    Originally Posted by Diavola View Post
    Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
    A: He thought it was diet coke.



    The Doctor put me on a diet of Viagra and Prune juice, but I had to give it up. I never knew if I was coming or going!


    ONE WHO INDULGES
    BULGES


    Sorry, that is the best I can find for the mo...
    lmao!!
    Strength Determination Merciless Forever
    "Forged in Iron...Built to Destroy"

    "To survive war......you've gotta become war"....John Rambo

    Visit my journal......http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=121852841
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  8. #8
    Registered User Whatanejit's Avatar
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    Along comes another new diet.
    And of course I just have to try it.
    So I part with my dough,
    But the pounds never go;
    "Oh waiter, more chicken --and fry it!"



    not that good but....

    They say that consuming protein
    Will make you look pumped, flat, and lean
    But beware of ketosis
    It gives halitosis
    And dumps nitrogen in your bloodstream

    even worse...




    Each diet has drawbacks apparent
    Biochemical risks are transparent.
    If you're not a big fan
    Try this easier plan
    And consider a skinnier parent!
    -------------------------------------------------

    Dee
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