New Gay Thread (Part 4)

[OldManSkinny]

For a couple of years I've been following all of your posts here. You are good men and are giving a great support system to gays. Today I said it out loud for the first time, "I'm gay." I spent a couple of hours drafting my declaration. First came my church leaders. They were very supportive and understanding, but are sad because of the consequences I'll face--loss of church membership (not for being gay but for acting on that orientation and having sex with a man--wonderful, by the way, but I could hardly tell them that.) Next came my wife. She's angry and hurt. Now, over the next week or so, will come the kids--8 of them, all grown adults with kids of their own (29 total). They'll be blindsided. Some will attempt to be compassionate and understanding. Some will not want to see me again.

But for me, it will be a good night's sleep, looking forward to some activities over the next few days with some supportive gay friends.

It feels good to be actually posting here.

[MuscledHorse]

For a couple of years I've been following all of your posts here. You are good men and are giving a great support system to gays. Today I said it out loud for the first time, "I'm gay." I spent a couple of hours drafting my declaration. First came my church leaders. They were very supportive and understanding, but are sad because of the consequences I'll face--loss of church membership (not for being gay but for acting on that orientation and having sex with a man--wonderful, by the way, but I could hardly tell them that.) Next came my wife. She's angry and hurt. Now, over the next week or so, will come the kids--8 of them, all grown adults with kids of their own (29 total). They'll be blindsided. Some will attempt to be compassionate and understanding. Some will not want to see me again.

But for me, it will be a good night's sleep, looking forward to some activities over the next few days with some supportive gay friends.

It feels good to be actually posting here.

Congrats on finally comming out! And typical of the church they shoot themselves in the foot adn wonder why people lke me look upon them as hinderance to the wellbeing of man rather than an channel for improving well-being. Fortunately for the kids there's actually a gerat autobiographical movie that just came out starring Christopher Plummer who comes out to his son at the age of 70. The film, like the story on which it's based is told form the son's point of view as he comes to terms with this news and his own impending marriage (to a woman). I think it's called "First Timers" or somethign to that effect. And for future reference, you should tell the church people how satisfying sex with another male can be; they should know what they are missing. The kids will settle down in time and in some cases may not be all that shocked...most of the homophobia is driven by the older crowd rather than the younger post-"Will & Grace" generations.

[MuscledHorse]

I might check it out sometime. I don't want to bitch and complain, but I typically *hate* going out to gay clubs. Especially in WeHo. But honestly, I'm not much of a dancer, and I can't stand gay-club music, so there's even less incentive. I'm more of an intellectual/talk to people kind of guy. Can't do that much when you can't hear what anyone is saying a foot from your head.

I guess that's what I meant by "not typically my thing."

Dude, if you don't like it now you won't like it no matter how great you look. I also hate gay clubs for those same reasons: the loud music and smoke and inability to carry on a conversation that doesn't involve shouting. I'm a bodybuilder and don't drink smoke or use recreational drugs, so that apparently doesn't help, wither. My staff says I'm the most un-gay guy they know. The end result: I'm built, masculine, have a high paying job and no date since I won't compromise on self-destructive behavior. But don't let that discourage you. You can at least look in the mirror at the gym and be satisfied with the result of your hard work even if few guys will appreciate it the way you'd like.

As to your other posted comment: the "dont say gay law" forbids teachers under grade nine from discussing homosexuality in any way. So, any schoolyard bullying that might go on has no shut off valve outside a parent stepping in. Fortunately, this law will be challenged and like Rhea County (Dayton, TN, smae folks who brought you 1925's Scope's Monkey Trial)'s 2004 attempt to ban gays from living there (yes, you read that right--google it), I'm hoping Tennessee will suffer the same international backlash they did in 2004.

[nomoretits]

hey guys not new to the site, but new to the forums and better using the site's resources...thought i'd say hello from CO.

Hello, fellow Software Engineer! Welcome.

What is your development environment, etc?

[nomoretits]

For a couple of years I've been following all of your posts here. You are good men and are giving a great support system to gays. Today I said it out loud for the first time, "I'm gay." I spent a couple of hours drafting my declaration. First came my church leaders. They were very supportive and understanding, but are sad because of the consequences I'll face--loss of church membership (not for being gay but for acting on that orientation and having sex with a man--wonderful, by the way, but I could hardly tell them that.) Next came my wife. She's angry and hurt. Now, over the next week or so, will come the kids--8 of them, all grown adults with kids of their own (29 total). They'll be blindsided. Some will attempt to be compassionate and understanding. Some will not want to see me again.

But for me, it will be a good night's sleep, looking forward to some activities over the next few days with some supportive gay friends.

It feels good to be actually posting here.

WAY TO GO!!

I'm usually full of advice, but in this area I have to dig pretty deep. I'm not religious (Atheist, actually) and have never had to deal with being honest about my sexuality with an entire congregation of people I've known (I'm assuming for years and years). But I do know that there are plenty of churches that are very accepting of gays, so if the church is important to you I'm sure you can find one, even in Utah.

May I ask, are you a Mormon? I know a few ex-Mormons who left the church because of their sexuality and the church's unwavering stance on homosexuality. In this regard, I am completely at a loss for advice if you decide to stay LDS, but I wish you all the best of luck with this.

I can understand that your wife would be upset and angry. I hope she will come to understand and accept that she isn't mad at you for deceiving her, but rather that you've had to deceive yourself. I hope she finds peace, acceptance and understanding. However it will take time, of that I am sure.

Most of the time it is the children who come out to the parents. lol! You're doing it in reverse. If what you say about some of your children not wanting to see you again. That's probably the hardest of them all. I'm sure you already know this, but it is worth repeating. Just make sure you tell them that it is okay for them to be upset, even angry with you. Tell them that you love them and will always be open to them. They will obviously need time to process. But I believe that love is more powerful than anger and as long as your door remains open to them, they will eventually come around.

I mentioned to someone else requesting advice about coming out to his parents about an organization called PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They might be a good resource for you to contact, especially if you need a middle ground to keep communication open with your children (and your wife, for that matter). I'm sure they have dealt with this coming out scenario more than once and can help you in many many ways.

Again, congratulations! It is a huge step at any point in life, but tremendously so with children and a marriage. It is so very courageous and inspiring!

[nomoretits]

Dude, if you don't like it now you won't like it no matter how great you look. I also hate gay clubs for those same reasons: the loud music and smoke and inability to carry on a conversation that doesn't involve shouting. I'm a bodybuilder and don't drink smoke or use recreational drugs, so that apparently doesn't help, wither. My staff says I'm the most un-gay guy they know. The end result: I'm built, masculine, have a high paying job and no date since I won't compromise on self-destructive behavior. But don't let that discourage you. You can at least look in the mirror at the gym and be satisfied with the result of your hard work even if few guys will appreciate it the way you'd like.

As to your other posted comment: the "dont say gay law" forbids teachers under grade nine from discussing homosexuality in any way. So, any schoolyard bullying that might go on has no shut off valve outside a parent stepping in. Fortunately, this law will be challenged and like Rhea County (Dayton, TN, smae folks who brought you 1925's Scope's Monkey Trial)'s 2004 attempt to ban gays from living there (yes, you read that right--google it), I'm hoping Tennessee will suffer the same international backlash they did in 2004.

I'm sure you're right. I don't expect to start liking club music once I have a six-pack. But the biggest thing for me is just getting over the self consciousness and low self esteem. I'm sure that those two things aren't very attractive traits to begin with, so... Just hoping to up my chances.

I'm looking for other activities for meeting people. I have a Plenty of Fish profile, so when I'm ready to start actively dating I have that avenue for meeting guys outside of club environments. There's the whole bodybuilding thing. wink wink. I'd like to get back into sports: softball, volleyball. Portland Oregon has a gay scuba club called the "Ruby Red Flippers" so I imagine there ought to be something like that down here too. Motorcycle clubs: love guys on crotch rockets! And of course, hiking and camping groups.

The idea that Los Angeles would gasp at my arrival and welcome me in evaporated basically the first day I got here. So... Onwards and upwards!

BTB: TORTURED my legs tonight at the gym! Got all wobbly... Felt great!

[Larryeat2]

For a couple of years I've been following all of your posts here. You are good men and are giving a great support system to gays. Today I said it out loud for the first time, "I'm gay." I spent a couple of hours drafting my declaration. First came my church leaders. They were very supportive and understanding, but are sad because of the consequences I'll face--loss of church membership (not for being gay but for acting on that orientation and having sex with a man--wonderful, by the way, but I could hardly tell them that.) Next came my wife. She's angry and hurt. Now, over the next week or so, will come the kids--8 of them, all grown adults with kids of their own (29 total). They'll be blindsided. Some will attempt to be compassionate and understanding. Some will not want to see me again.

But for me, it will be a good night's sleep, looking forward to some activities over the next few days with some supportive gay friends.

It feels good to be actually posting here.

Congrats on finally comming out! We're always here for support

[OldManSkinny]

Thanks for everybody's kind words and wise counsel. I'll take it slow and see what comes of it all.

[MiamiSpartan]

For a couple of years I've been following all of your posts here. You are good men and are giving a great support system to gays. Today I said it out loud for the first time, "I'm gay." I spent a couple of hours drafting my declaration. First came my church leaders. They were very supportive and understanding, but are sad because of the consequences I'll face--loss of church membership (not for being gay but for acting on that orientation and having sex with a man--wonderful, by the way, but I could hardly tell them that.) Next came my wife. She's angry and hurt. Now, over the next week or so, will come the kids--8 of them, all grown adults with kids of their own (29 total). They'll be blindsided. Some will attempt to be compassionate and understanding. Some will not want to see me again.

But for me, it will be a good night's sleep, looking forward to some activities over the next few days with some supportive gay friends.

It feels good to be actually posting here.

Congrats...
I know it's not an easy time for you or the family, so we're here for you....

[bhujerban]

But honestly, I'm not much of a dancer, and I can't stand gay-club music, so there's even less incentive. I'm more of an intellectual/talk to people kind of guy. Can't do that much when you can't hear what anyone is saying a foot from your head.

I guess that's what I meant by "not typically my thing."

Fuarking this on so many levels.

This is the principal reason I can't go to the local poof bar anymore. They play some of the most awful music at ear-splitting levels, thinking that the louder the song, the more energized people will be. If they'd look at the dance floor and see how empty it is, maybe they should rethink their choice in DJs or the style of music. No one is dancing, people are trying to have a conversation (or maybe trying to get laid), and this fokkakta woman is singing about her face. It's annoying.

I get that part of "the game" is to just have fun and dance and be like everyone else. Guess what - I've realised I don't have to be anything. Let the others scurry off to their meetings and parties and orgies and protests; they are too busy being gay to be anything else. It's their career choice, and not a way of life. I'm not that person. And that's why I don't fit in at the poof bar.

[bhujerban]

PS - I finally got my photos. I have posted them in this thread:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...onds+June+crew

and I'm at the very end of the 27 pages. Tell me what you think?

[OldManSkinny]

Thanks for the advice and support, everyone. A sleepless night, but today's my first all-gay day.

PS - I finally got my photos. . Tell me what you think?

about 19 pounds down--that's a good amount for 12 weeks. The visual impact, though, is significant. Hot body, bhujerban. Get a tan on that and you're beach ready.

[MiamiSpartan]

Thanks for the advice and support, everyone. A sleepless night, but today's my first all-gay day.

That made me smile!!

[trvlr70]

For a couple of years I've been following all of your posts here. You are good men and are giving a great support system to gays. Today I said it out loud for the first time, "I'm gay." I spent a couple of hours drafting my declaration. First came my church leaders. They were very supportive and understanding, but are sad because of the consequences I'll face--loss of church membership (not for being gay but for acting on that orientation and having sex with a man--wonderful, by the way, but I could hardly tell them that.) Next came my wife. She's angry and hurt. Now, over the next week or so, will come the kids--8 of them, all grown adults with kids of their own (29 total). They'll be blindsided. Some will attempt to be compassionate and understanding. Some will not want to see me again.

But for me, it will be a good night's sleep, looking forward to some activities over the next few days with some supportive gay friends.

It feels good to be actually posting here.

Better late than never. Now go have some fun. You've got some years to make up for.

[nomoretits]

PS - I finally got my photos. I have posted them in this thread:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...onds+June+crew

and I'm at the very end of the 27 pages. Tell me what you think?

Good Job Good Job!

[MuscledHorse]

PS - I finally got my photos. I have posted them.
and I'm at the very end of the 27 pages. Tell me what you think?

Excellent progress dude! Wait till you see yourself at the end of six months!!!

[bhujerban]

about 19 pounds down--that's a good amount for 12 weeks. The visual impact, though, is significant. Hot body, bhujerban. Get a tan on that and you're beach ready.

23, bro. 23 lbs.

I do indeed have a tan - got sprayed on Sunday. In my defense, I went with a different colour this time. Plus it's been *super* hot here, so I've sweated some of it off just on the ride home that day! The tan is there, I promise, but I admit it's not that noticeable in the photos.

Thanks for the comments guys.

I might be permitted to sound a little cocky here, but IDGAF. Let's see if anyone tells me that my photos are good evidence of my knowledge of bodybuilding. (looking particularly at one of our M.I.A. gay bros...)

[MenStraight]

For a couple of years I've been following all of your posts here. You are good men and are giving a great support system to gays. Today I said it out loud for the first time, "I'm gay." I spent a couple of hours drafting my declaration. First came my church leaders. They were very supportive and understanding, but are sad because of the consequences I'll face--loss of church membership (not for being gay but for acting on that orientation and having sex with a man--wonderful, by the way, but I could hardly tell them that.) Next came my wife. She's angry and hurt. Now, over the next week or so, will come the kids--8 of them, all grown adults with kids of their own (29 total). They'll be blindsided. Some will attempt to be compassionate and understanding. Some will not want to see me again.

But for me, it will be a good night's sleep, looking forward to some activities over the next few days with some supportive gay friends.

It feels good to be actually posting here.

Congrats, be happy and enjoy life..

I'm looking for other activities for meeting people. I have a Plenty of Fish profile, so when I'm ready to start actively dating I have that avenue for meeting guys outside of club environments. There's the whole bodybuilding thing. wink wink. I'd like to get back into sports: softball, volleyball. Portland Oregon has a gay scuba club called the "Ruby Red Flippers" so I imagine there ought to be something like that down here too. Motorcycle clubs: love guys on crotch rockets! And of course, hiking and camping groups.

The idea that Los Angeles would gasp at my arrival and welcome me in evaporated basically the first day I got here. So... Onwards and upwards!

BTB: TORTURED my legs tonight at the gym! Got all wobbly... Felt great!

I was going to suggest sports or gay activity groups that doesn't involve loud music. What is your goal with your body (not lean out, beef up, etc..)? What do you want to achieve with a hot body?

PS - I finally got my photos. I have posted them in this thread:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...onds+June+crew

and I'm at the very end of the 27 pages. Tell me what you think?

Great job! Awful shorts (sorry I couldn't help it)

[nomoretits]

Congrats, be happy and enjoy life..

I was going to suggest sports or gay activity groups that doesn't involve loud music. What is your goal with your body (not lean out, beef up, etc..)? What do you want to achieve with a hot body?

Not sure exactly what you mean... I want to get to 10% bodyfat or lower. I want to add muscle mass to my body. I have an endomorphic body with a LARGE skeletal structure, so I think that having an adequate amount of muscle mass to balance my frame and give shape to my body is the ideal goal.

I hardly know what to say my muscle building goals are, I will just know it when I get there. # of pounds of muscle gained means jibberish to me and doesn't translate.

What do I want to achieve with a hot body? Nothing.

I'm not working out to achieve anything outward. I'm doing it to feel better, both physically and mentally, and to improve my health. The one thing that I hope I can expect socially from getting into shape is receiving more respect. But that, I think, comes more from respecting yourself than from being "hot."

Great job! Awful shorts (sorry I couldn't help it)

LOL!

[MenStraight]

What do I want to achieve with a hot body? Nothing.

I'm not working out to achieve anything outward. I'm doing it to feel better, both physically and mentally, and to improve my health. The one thing that I hope I can expect socially from getting into shape is receiving more respect. But that, I think, comes more from respecting yourself than from being "hot."

LOL!

Good answers, better than "I want to show those bitches" or "So I can get all the dick I want" or to qualify you in some way. Working out or bodybuilding is truly a life endeavor for various choices including health and a better quality of life. Confidence, respect, strength, likability, and any other adjectives to describe ones attributes must start with "me". Like and love yourself and feel all those adjectives about yourself and whatever barriers where there will gradually disappear. Oh, oh I think I having a Dr. Phil moment (yuk!)

[nomoretits]

Good answers, better than "I want to show those bitches" or "So I can get all the dick I want" or to qualify you in some way. Working out or bodybuilding is truly a life endeavor for various choices including health and a better quality of life. Confidence, respect, strength, likability, and any other adjectives to describe ones attributes must start with "me". Like and love yourself and feel all those adjectives about yourself and whatever barriers where there will gradually disappear. Oh, oh I think I having a Dr. Phil moment (yuk!)

Lol. What's wrong with "showing those bitches"? jk

[MenStraight]

Lol. What's wrong with "showing those bitches"? jk

That's actually automatic with your built body but you still have to be approachable, likable and fun, all that comes from you not your muscles or hotness (although hotness can overcome shortcomings except you know ) Stay focused on your workouts and nutrition plus keep showing us your progress

[codeguy11]

Hello, fellow Software Engineer! Welcome.

What is your development environment, etc?

Embedded C. I understand that scares most people? I can't complain, it's a lot of fun.

to OldManSkinny - you are awesome. I can imagine how difficult rationalizing and reaching this point can be when living in Utah. Welcome to the "out" community.

[nomoretits]

Embedded C. I understand that scares most people? I can't complain, it's a lot of fun.

Sounds cool to me. What kind of devices do you program for? I am just starting out on learning C++ for Android/iOS mobile devices, although I've been programming for 20+ years. PHP is my default language.

[DJW81]

i herd u guiz lyk horses

[nomoretits]

Lol. Another latent visitor?

[bhujerban]

Great job! Awful shorts (sorry I couldn't help it)

Thanks.

Awful shorts? The yellow ones, eh... I must admit, they are swim shorts and I wear them maybe once a year. I had to go to a community pool and ask for help. The shorts were necessary. (And they're way back from my 'straight' days, so I have a very good excuse! lol)

[bhujerban]

I think we just found Lady Kaka's hot brother...

[TexasGuy21]

Hows it going guys?

[nomoretits]

Hows it going guys?

Not too bad, Texas. How you doing?