Even though i hate hearing about her past, what she has told me is pretty F*d up. Telling me she was never happy during the pregnancy, that the father was out doing crack (yes crack) and never supported them in any way.
He is a total loser. Doesnt pay child support, still lives at home with mom, doesnt have a car and doesnt have a job. And on top of that he has a child with someone else as well. (hes 24)
Shes never been married so i really want to do things the right way. I want us to get married, plan accordingly and start a family of our own. And the more i think about it, the more i come to terms that i can be a father to this child. We get along great with no probs, but there are times where i think ****ty thoughts like "dude this aint my kid". I need to get out of that mindset.
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12-09-2009, 10:21 AM #61
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This is for you Coleman! ! ! YEP YEP YEP
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12-09-2009, 10:33 AM #62
That thought of "This is not my kid, why should I......etc". I think is pretty normal because you will NEVER love him as your child, but you can really accept him, respect him, love him to an extend. What helps me is that the child has no other father figure but you and YOU mean more than you could ever imagine in his/her head, so don't be shy and show some love. You can make this child proud in the future and he will probably love you like a father because he doesn't have one, or has never recieved love from a "father" figure, so don't worry, this child will love you. The bottom line is that you need to accept the child with a good heart, or else, this is not going to work, why, because of the fact that the child is your girlfriend's child and will be there FOREVER.
Keep loving your girl and the kid. I also plan to have a family and why not, brothers or sisters for that little child
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12-09-2009, 10:33 AM #63
Think about it this way. The kids father is a fuking loser. You're that kids only shot at having a REAL DAD.
As a dad I can tell you that moms are important but a strong father > all
You love the girl... the kid will be calling you "dad" by the time he's 7. You're doing the right thing. Just enjoy it brah.
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12-09-2009, 10:58 AM #64
lol. in my defense i am very mature for my age. i'm actually way mature than she is sometimes (i think the only thing that shows my age is my insecurities lol)
but siding with u, i may just be too immature to handle all of this. i dunno.
surprisingly, talking about this in this thread has helped me a lot in the past day. i've never actually talked abouot this with anyone. i think i'm slowly beginning to not mind it, but i have a long long long way to go!
let us know how the proposal goes bro!Last edited by solidsnake88; 12-09-2009 at 11:00 AM.
PSN: solidsnake2688
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Work my a** off year round just to take my shirt off at edm festivals once a year crew
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12-09-2009, 11:01 AM #65
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The biggest problem for me wasnt the child...it was his mother. She expected me to treat him exactly like he was my natural born son. Even though I never had a child and she had one since she was a teenager she expected me to jump right in and be a dad. I will do my best to accept him and be a good role model...but there is no way I could love him like I would love my natural child....its humanly impossible. She didnt seem to understand that.
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12-09-2009, 11:04 AM #66
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12-09-2009, 11:08 AM #67
I think women with children have(x100) to be the best, because how many guys are looking for someone with kids. They have to make up for the "baggage", so they are usually better then most women/gf's.
So I would be cautious. Make sure that this is how she truly is, and not just being like this to draw you in and will stop once the ring is on.
mind ≥ blown
edit: you also have to think long term, like inhertience,wills, college, you will be expected to give equally for the other child.
I dont think I could ever think of someone else child in the same way I did my own.Last edited by tron_85; 12-09-2009 at 11:29 AM.
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12-09-2009, 11:11 AM #68
Would I do it again... Nope.
Was I open to it before... yup.
Met a girl.. started hanging out w/ her. First she didn't tell me she had a kid. Then she tells me after we spent a night together that she had one kid. Ok, no problem I understand. From her ex fiance.
Then she starts to hook up w/ my roommate. Once i found out... he immediately blurted out that she lied and has 4 kids total... 1 from a previous engagement and 3 from a marriage.
Also lied about her age...
Bitter experience... I was open to it... but I dont want the responsibility of someone elses kid because you will NEVER be their father which would make it hard for me to discipline them ... always having someone else in the mix.
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12-09-2009, 11:14 AM #69
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Im glad its helped you. Its helped me as well (a lot). I think about this so much, its hard to concentrate on anything else. The more i talk about it the more i think about the big picture of things and the more i come to realization that i do love her, and i dont want to lose her.
It sounds to me like you really love this girl man. Do u get along with the kid? Is it only one kid or more? You guys talk about marriage at all? You ever think about how great it would be to have your own kids with her? You ever consider maybe living together? I plan on proposing to my girl, but were most def going to live together prior to actually getting married. If we can live together and work everything out than i know 100% that i have made a wise choice. While we love our women, we also need to make sure we dont put ourselves in a corner. i Would say before getting to that marriage state, live together for a while and see how it works out. If you can handle that.. you guys are destined for happiness.This is for you Coleman! ! ! YEP YEP YEP
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12-09-2009, 11:21 AM #70
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12-09-2009, 11:24 AM #71
She was fun... I still talk to her... but we both know we're just "friends"
Plus... I have witnessed other friends of mine who dated girls w/ kids... i guess it depends how old you are. I don't want to sign my 20's away for someone else...
If you want to... and you understand the sacrifices you will have to make and what not.. more power to you. But, i don't have the will power to try it again... at least until a girl comes along that convinces me otherwise.
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12-09-2009, 11:44 AM #72
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12-09-2009, 11:54 AM #73
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Yeah I see but I dont get your point?
I told him if he doesnt like that I as a person am raising his daugther to kiss my ass as in NOBODY should be raising his daugther but him type attitude. The guy who married my ex I will never but into business that goes on in his house plain and simple. Only time I would interfere if my daughter was being physically or mentally abused.
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12-09-2009, 11:56 AM #74
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12-09-2009, 12:00 PM #75
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12-09-2009, 12:02 PM #76
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12-09-2009, 12:05 PM #77
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Well, I stumbled on this thread...so here goes:
When I was 23 years old, I met a woman (on a blind date). I knew the entire story, she had 2 kids and was in the middle of a divorce, etc. Fast-forward 18 years. I am married to her and we have one child together. However, I have 3 kids. I never introduce them as step-children, they are just my kids.
When you first meet, especially if you have no kids, it is really hard to be the "pseudo-dad" while dating. I told my wife up front of how I expected to raise children. Fortunately, we had the same goals...raise kids to be responsible adults. Over time, quite honestly, I have to say I don't feel any difference in the 3 kids. To each is own, but I can tell you it can and does work out. Don't get me wrong, we've had some rough times, but would I ever change it? Nope, never in a million lifetimes.
Best of luck to you and your new (instant) family.
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12-09-2009, 12:07 PM #78
I partially agree.
Children need both a mother AND a father. Both are equally as important.
I lol @ these single, "independent" moms that think that they don't need the father to help raise their child. Please!
They might not need it, but the child sure does!
Daddies are definitely underrated, IMOdomari nolo
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12-09-2009, 12:08 PM #79
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12-09-2009, 12:09 PM #80
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12-09-2009, 12:16 PM #81
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When I asked my GF "What is the girls last name?" and she told me didnt doesnt know then yeah thats a problem. Never met the girl but one time also. If the dad EVER had a problem he should have said something and I would have talked to as a man to come up with a solution. Instead of once we told him no about the GF until we get some more info on her then he blew up and DEMANDED my name be taken off the list and called my GF a traitor to her race that is when I finally called him back. I am on the list as an emergency situation because he is un-reliable that is all and I wasnt on the list that one day the child would have sit at daycare until about 7pm because her mom was unreachable because she was teaching tennis.
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12-09-2009, 12:26 PM #82
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12-09-2009, 12:30 PM #83
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12-09-2009, 12:33 PM #84
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12-09-2009, 12:35 PM #85
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12-09-2009, 12:44 PM #86
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12-09-2009, 01:31 PM #87
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12-09-2009, 01:32 PM #88
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12-09-2009, 02:15 PM #89
I've only met/hung out with the kid a handful of times - maybe like 5? and ya she talks to me about marriage all the time and always jokes about when i'm gonna propose and where's her ring. i have thought about living together, but i want to be able to accept the kid first before i do any such thing.
glad to hear one success story!
but i do love her...i just don't know if i can love her kid. she tells me that i have to love her kid the way i love her...i know even though i can come to accept her kid, there is NO WAY i can ever love her kid the way i love her...no way.PSN: solidsnake2688
SteamID: solidsnake88595
Work my a** off year round just to take my shirt off at edm festivals once a year crew
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12-09-2009, 02:32 PM #90
But if you truly love the girl then you will realize naturally that the child is part of your love, that child is a fundamental aspect of her.
Think about it like this, although you may not agree, if this girl never had a kid then she would be different, hard to say how much so and in what ways but she would be.
I am seeing a woman with kids, and although it is challenging for me, I continually recognize that alot of the qualities and person I love about her may not be there if not for the kids. You can't have it both ways where they are the same person you love but no kids, one caused the other.
Women with kids though not always will change, they often become more caring, more mature, more appreciative, etc chances are if they didn't have a kid they may be like most bimbo girls.
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