What men and women want in relationships!

[Forge3]

The majority of men seem confused about this because we get mixed signals sometimes and some even read books on this called The Game and such like it is a chess match lol. I have a good idea however let us here your views on this

Edit: Let's here from the men too!

[CF10]

In. Is it sad that I just discovered female misc (look at join date, wtf is wrong with me).

[Forge3]

In. Is it sad that I just discovered female misc (look at join date, wtf is wrong with me).

I moderate this section and am only now starting to post in here lol...

[CF10]

I moderate this section and am only now starting to post in here lol...

I'm gonna start browsing it every now and then, maybe learn something

[punxnotdead309]

I get really annoyed at wishy-washie-ness. When a guy says he's going to phone, but doesn't until three days later, wants to make a date, but doesn't show, then re-shedules after the fact that I've been waiting for three hours, that kindda pisses a girl off.

[Forge3]

I get really annoyed at wishy-washie-ness. When a guy says he's going to phone, but doesn't until three days later, wants to make a date, but doesn't show, then re-shedules after the fact that I've been waiting for three hours, that kindda pisses a girl off.

Yeah and that type of character also pisses guys if it is a woman. So in contrast what you want is a man that values your time as much as his own and follows through on his word?

[NOVA888]

The majority of men seem confused about this because we get mixed signals sometimes and some even read books on this called The Game and such like it is a chess match lol. I have a good idea however let us here your views on this

I can only speak for myself. I have two sets of desires, what I want from myself, and also from a man.

From myself? I'm a money and challenges woman. I'm obsessed with moneymaking (and spend extremely long hours doing do). I can't take money from a man. Period.

From a man? I want 'true' friendship, someone I'd want to survive in the wild with. Someone that could count on me, and also trust me--similar to the way soldiers in wartime trust and rely upon one another. I so desperately want that kind of bond within a relationship, that he knows I have his back, that I can 'rescue' him if need be (even though I'm a chick).

No BS, no white lies in order to spare my feelings, only the harsh truth. Even if I have to 'learn' how to deal with it, I know it's good for me in the long run. This I find is the hardest thing to get from a man, they seem to hold back because I'm a female. I respect gender differences, but I don't like being treated like a princess.

[CF10]

I can only speak for myself. I have two sets of desires, what I want from myself, and also from a man.

From myself? I'm a money and challenges woman. I'm obsessed with moneymaking (and spend extremely long hours doing do). I can't take money from a man. Period.

From a man? I want 'true' friendship, someone I'd want to survive in the wild with. Someone that could count on me, and also trust me--similar to the way soldiers in wartime trust and rely upon one another. I so desperately want that kind of bond within a relationship, that he knows I have his back, that I can 'rescue' him if need be (even though I'm a chick).

No BS, no white lies in order to spare my feelings, only the harsh truth. Even if I have to 'learn' how to deal with it, I know it's good for me in the long run. This I find is the hardest thing to get from a man, they seem to hold back because I'm a female. I respect gender differences, but I don't like being treated like a princess.

I havent met too many girls with this outlook. Seems very mature and down to earth.

[Forge3]

I can only speak for myself. I have two sets of desires, what I want from myself, and also from a man.

From myself? I'm a money and challenges woman. I'm obsessed with moneymaking (and spend extremely long hours doing do). I can't take money from a man. Period.

From a man? I want 'true' friendship, someone I'd want to survive in the wild with. Someone that could count on me, and also trust me--similar to the way soldiers in wartime trust and rely upon one another. I so desperately want that kind of bond within a relationship, that he knows I have his back, that I can 'rescue' him if need be (even though I'm a chick).

No BS, no white lies in order to spare my feelings, only the harsh truth. Even if I have to 'learn' how to deal with it, I know it's good for me in the long run. This I find is the hardest thing to get from a man, they seem to hold back because I'm a female. I respect gender differences, but I don't like being treated like a princess.

That's cool imo. And because of our conditioning we expect women want to be pampered most of the time. Honesty, reliability and a bond of that nature is not easy to find I think because of the way society generalizes gender images. I remember watching a Knights of the Round Table movie and the quote that stuck with me was "The truth is not always easy to take but it is the only foundation to build a freindship on". Do you ever tell the men in your life that this is what you want/need in a relationship?

[BigTimexXx]

And because of our conditioning we expect women want to be pampered most of the time.

What?

[NOVA888]

That's cool imo. And because of our conditioning we expect women want to be pampered most of the time.

I'm cool with 'occasional' pampering, but pampering is a two way street IMO.

Honesty, reliability and a bond of that nature is not easy to find I think because of the way society generalizes gender images.

Unfortunately so.

I remember watching a Knights of the Round Table movie and the quote that stuck with me was "The truth is not always easy to take but it is the only foundation to build a freindship on".

There it is. That's a great quote to live by, and I'm going to steal it from you.

Truth is the only foundation for everything--money, success, personal happiness, and also relationships. Mythical relationships might look great in the short run, but they hardly hold up over time, or bring the 'right' kind of joy.

Do you ever tell the men in your life that this is what you want/need in a relationship?

Men generally don't believe me. So it often takes some time to prove myself (I'm cool with that), and to disprove whatever past experiences are commonly associated with the gender images/stereotypes you spoke of earlier.

I havent met too many girls with this outlook. Seems very mature and down to earth.

Thanks.

[aznprincess]

part of me thinks that some things are individual...in other words, one woman would like it and another wouldn't.

in general: don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal, don't play mind games....obvious things probably on every girl's list.

many of the other things may be more difficult to describe and again, specific to the particular girl.

for example: a woman might say i want a guy who's confident...but that LOOKS differently considering the individual. one guy might act a certain way due to his confidence whereas another might act a different way in the same situation and the way one of the guy's handled the situation might be preferred by a particular female over the other guy. both are confident.

so, saying, " i want a confident guy" may not be as informational in a practical sense as don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal.

what i find interesting is your question. why do you care what (women) want? you could just as easily be concerned with what people in general want, man or woman. or you could be concerned with being productive in society. how could i be a more productive person? but no...you want to know what women (plural) want. why?

[Forge3]

part of me thinks that some things are individual...in other words, one woman would like it and another wouldn't.

in general: don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal, don't play mind games....obvious things probably on every girl's list.

many of the other things may be more difficult to describe and again, specific to the particular girl.

for example: a woman might say i want a guy who's confident...but that LOOKS differently considering the individual. one guy might act a certain way due to his confidence whereas another might act a different way in the same situation and the way one of the guy's handled the situation might be preferred by a particular female over the other guy. both are confident.

so, saying, " i want a confident guy" may not be as informational in a practical sense as don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal.

what i find interesting is your question. why do you care what (women) want? you could just as easily be concerned with what people in general want, man or woman. or you could be concerned with being productive in society. how could i be a more productive person? but no...you want to know what women (plural) want. why?

Just giving women a chance to voice there perspective. And I just saw the Mel Gibson movie "What women want" lol so it is timely. If I had a hidden agenda it would run something like" Hmmm...I wonder if most women want what I have to offer?" Other than that it is interesting to hear all the different perspectives as I am a people person and like this type of stuff

[aznprincess]

haha, um...do you like chick flicks?

personally, i love having conversations like these but they totally work me up as well. it's like a love hate relationship.

one thing i've noticed is that both men and women IN GENERAL are obsessed with the opposite sex and figuring out "what they want". clearly, the individual obsessed is interested in finding someone to get into a relationship whether it be purely physical or committed or whatever. no man is an island...it's not good for man to be alone blah blah blah.

so i guess the pertinent question would be, "is anyone (more importantly the ones that interest me) interested in what i've got to offer?"

SO what do you want in a woman? or women?? LOL

THEN those ladies can tell you what they want in a man and boom! HOOK UP!

[Forge3]

haha, um...do you like chick flicks?

personally, i love having conversations like these but they totally work me up as well. it's like a love hate relationship.

one thing i've noticed is that both men and women IN GENERAL are obsessed with the opposite sex and figuring out "what they want". clearly, the individual obsessed is interested in finding someone to get into a relationship whether it be purely physical or committed or whatever. no man is an island...it's not good for man to be alone blah blah blah.

so i guess the pertinent question would be, "is anyone (more importantly the ones that interest me) interested in what i've got to offer?"

SO what do you want in a woman? or women?? LOL

THEN those ladies can tell you what they want in a man and boom! HOOK UP!

Some women don't seem to know how to make their needs known and then fume when the man doesn't get it lol. So I like forthright women that will challenge me from time to time and I will be the same way. I like some form of spirituality in a woman in a non dogmatic sense as I have studied/practiced buddhism, Shamanism, yoga and Christianity and my partner will also see themselves on a spiritual journey of sorts. Then we can walk together exploring and learning. It may seem funny but like me I like a person that is self-confident but also hummble in the sense that they remain open and don't take themselves too seriously. Humor is big for me because despite being intense/deep at times I can be a bit of a joker/kidder.

And this may seem even stranger but the bedroom is only one of many forms of romance affection. Just cooking together, being intimate in convo and snuggling in front of a good movie or enjoying nature (Nature guy) among many other things are a part of the big romance picture. I like very intelligent women but more important is the heart (passionate-creative and caring) and of course affectionate and healthy.

If we are suited for each other it will enhance our lives and we will become our best selves as opposed to stiffling, stuffy and needy relationships. So sometimes I just like my own space and she will from time to time and I respect and honor that.

That is a small and revealing peice about me and what I look for

Oh and I don't mind chick flics as well as action movies and science fiction. Sometimes the best movies are based on a true story or historical event and that intersts me.

[aznprincess]

wow! you seem like a guy that all ladies would like. plus, you look like santa clause in his prime. guess that means you give great gifts!

i'm assuming you're single. is it cause you live in canada?

[Forge3]

wow! you seem like a guy that all ladies would like. plus, you look like santa clause in his prime. guess that means you give great gifts!

i'm assuming you're single. is it cause you live in canada?

I'm single now. And it isn't because I live in Canada lol. I just haven't made the space (busy doing outreach work with people) and haven't really made the effort. I play in a pool league and find most of the women a bit young and some are the bar fly types (flakey). And I do give great gifts lol...

[sjk4272]

The majority of men seem confused about this because we get mixed signals sometimes and some even read books on this called The Game and such like it is a chess match lol. I have a good idea however let us here your views on this

I want someone who is straightforward, honest, kind, independent, family oriented, supportive, hard-working and considerate to others. So, like a male version of me. :0)
I think like anything else, a healthy relationship needs balance. Couple time (alone & socializing) and (alone time alone & socializing). I want someone I can talk to, debate with and dream with.

I think the mixed signals come about because people do not know what they want. They are just randomly hooking up with people to see if that is what they want. Those people are just lost and I feel sorry for them. And, I think there are others who just like the attention and it is a game to them.

[Forge3]

I want someone who is straightforward, honest, kind, independent, family oriented, supportive, hard-working and considerate to others. So, like a male version of me. :0)
I think like anything else, a healthy relationship needs balance. Couple time (alone & socializing) and (alone time alone & socializing). I want someone I can talk to, debate with and dream with.

I think the mixed signals come about because people do not know what they want. They are just randomly hooking up with people to see if that is what they want. Those people are just lost and I feel sorry for them. And, I think there are others who just like the attention and it is a game to them.

That makes sense to me. Part of being mature imo is knowing what you really want or do not want; and being able to make that known as well as being sensitive and understanding of your partners needs/wants.

[aznprincess]

^^^
i think another super important thing for long term, committed, exclusive relationships is the ability to compromise and also, to stick it out when that other person is pissing you off. of course, i think it's necessary the other person also be of the same view. other wise, someone gets walked all over or it ends.

it's important for both people to see the relationship as more important than their individual needs b/c those can go in opposite directions...which tears the relationship apart. <-- it takes maturity to be willing to give some things you may really want up for the good of the relationship.

the lack of this view is probably one reason the divorce rate is so high. somewhere someone got the idea that relationships were only about happiness, similar view, desires, directions and that as soon as that wanes, you must be in the wrong relationship with the wrong person.

that's why most married people who are in strong, working relationships will say that marriage takes work. compromising over things that you REALLY think are necessary to your happiness is NOT easy although necessary and character building.

[CF10]

This thread is getting good. I have a question and I think it's very relevant to the title of the thread so I wont start a new one.

SCENARIO: Let's say a guy cold approaches a woman and has a decent conversation about nothing really important, just the introduction and some shooting the breeze.

1. Isn't this fairly obvious to the woman that he's interested in dating you?

2. Do you view this cold approach differently depending on your level of physical attraction to the guy....in other words, if he's unattractive to you, would the same behavior cause you to refer to him as a creepy guy, whereas if he was attractive you wouldnt find it creepy at all?



This is where I struggle. I am not unconfident in myself at all but I hate the idea that the whole time I'm talking to a new girl she's thinking how creepy I am for approaching her randomly. What are your thoughts?

[dani5162]

I have limited actual experience with this, but I have thought about it a lot.
I agree with what others have said here, especially that it depends on the woman, or man.

Generally, I think communication is a huge huge huge part of any relationship, but maybe that's because I grew up in a family where we talk out our issues. I HATE games, where there are "power plays". I'm honest and straightforward, generally.
When I'm looking, I look for a guy. I might get flamed for this, but IMO these days there aren't enough men who are men, they are (often) hesitant.
I'm all for the feminist movement, but I also think there are certain roles women and men play--again, this is all relative, and IMO.
I like a guy who isn't afraid to take charge but also isn't afraid to let me take charge, or to open up.
I guess balance is good.
I like when they are polite an respectful, but also know what they want.
For me, there is also a lot of concern about how to find the *one* guy who isn't jsut after one thing, and isn't out to take advantage of the situation. Honestly, it's discouraging sometimes. Either guys are too shy, or they are disgusting pigs.
I hope this is my limited experience talking...

In the end, this thread is useless. Whoever you are, there is somebody who likes that.
Somewhere.

[dani5162]

This thread is getting good. I have a question and I think it's very relevant to the title of the thread so I wont start a new one.

SCENARIO: Let's say a guy cold approaches a woman and has a decent conversation about nothing really important, just the introduction and some shooting the breeze.

1. Isn't this fairly obvious to the woman that he's interested in dating you?

2. Do you view this cold approach differently depending on your level of physical attraction to the guy....in other words, if he's unattractive to you, would the same behavior cause you to refer to him as a creepy guy, whereas if he was attractive you wouldnt find it creepy at all?



This is where I struggle. I am not unconfident in myself at all but I hate the idea that the whole time I'm talking to a new girl she's thinking how creepy I am for approaching her randomly. What are your thoughts?

I think you would know if she found you creepy. Generally, if a guy comes up to you out of the blue and "chats you up", you know he's interested, but you don't know HOW interested.
We don't know if you just want to sleep with us, or are genuinely interested in more, unless there are obvious signs. We have to be wary, lol.
That being said, body language says a lot. She most likely won't come out and say it if she finds you creepy, but she may be glancing away, crossing her arms, giving one word answers, etc.

All in all, there's one way to find out-- ask her out, or talk to her again later.
Again, though, it depends on the girl. I used to be INCREDIBLY shy, worse than I even am now, and I definitely gave some disinterested signals when I didn't mean them.
So I'm not really answering your Q, am I? Sorry, lol.
I guess you just have to ask the girl.....

[erinlee01]

I want someone who is confident in their own skin, who has their own interests in addition to common interests, and who will let me be who I am. I am fairly independent and do not need to be taken care of, nor do I need another father.

This thread is getting good. I have a question and I think it's very relevant to the title of the thread so I wont start a new one.

SCENARIO: Let's say a guy cold approaches a woman and has a decent conversation about nothing really important, just the introduction and some shooting the breeze.

1. Isn't this fairly obvious to the woman that he's interested in dating you?

2. Do you view this cold approach differently depending on your level of physical attraction to the guy....in other words, if he's unattractive to you, would the same behavior cause you to refer to him as a creepy guy, whereas if he was attractive you wouldnt find it creepy at all?



This is where I struggle. I am not unconfident in myself at all but I hate the idea that the whole time I'm talking to a new girl she's thinking how creepy I am for approaching her randomly. What are your thoughts?

I think this will depend on the women. I would not assume that a guy was interested in me. I have been friends with mainly males my whole life and none have had romantic feelings for me, so I tend to view these types of conversation the same as I would if it were a woman I had them with.

[CF10]

I think you would know if she found you creepy. Generally, if a guy comes up to you out of the blue and "chats you up", you know he's interested, but you don't know HOW interested.
We don't know if you just want to sleep with us, or are genuinely interested in more, unless there are obvious signs. We have to be wary, lol.
That being said, body language says a lot. She most likely won't come out and say it if she finds you creepy, but she may be glancing away, crossing her arms, giving one word answers, etc.

All in all, there's one way to find out-- ask her out, or talk to her again later.
Again, though, it depends on the girl. I used to be INCREDIBLY shy, worse than I even am now, and I definitely gave some disinterested signals when I didn't mean them.
So I'm not really answering your Q, am I? Sorry, lol.
I guess you just have to ask the girl.....

Hmm. I think there's a difference between being viewed as creepy and the girl just not being interested. I dont mind if she isnt interested. I just dont want her to turn to her friend and go "That guy is really creepy".

So I guess what I'm asking you is do you like cold approaches or not? Obviously you wont like all the guys that do it to you, but do you and your friends just find the cold approach to be a weird-o thing to do?

[CF10]

I think this will depend on the women. I would not assume that a guy was interested in me. I have been friends with mainly males my whole life and none have had romantic feelings for me, so I tend to view these types of conversation the same as I would if it were a woman I had them with.

So is it fair to assume that if you went up to a random guy and started conversation that doesnt necessarily mean you're interested in dating him?

[erinlee01]

So is it fair to assume that if you went up to a random guy and started conversation that doesnt necessarily mean you're interested in dating him?

Exactly. I may approach them to try and determine if they would be dating material. Or I could just be making small talk.

[dani5162]

Hmm. I think there's a difference between being viewed as creepy and the girl just not being interested. I dont mind if she isnt interested. I just dont want her to turn to her friend and go "That guy is really creepy".

So I guess what I'm asking you is do you like cold approaches or not? Obviously you wont like all the guys that do it to you, but do you and your friends just find the cold approach to be a weird-o thing to do?

It can be awkward, but when you get a guy you ARE interested in or might be interested in talking to you, it's a major YES we (well, I) like it.
It's easier, TBH, than other ways of approaching people. If you are careful in how you go about it, and yeah, not creepy (i.e. asking weird personal questions, leering, etc.), it's an ego boost at the very least.
I think if you are just obviously being polite and nice, but not overly "friendly", you won't be viewed as creepy.

[dani5162]

So is it fair to assume that if you went up to a random guy and started conversation that doesnt necessarily mean you're interested in dating him?

Is this surprising? Do you ONLY talk to women that you are interested in dating?
This makes it tough for girls, a lot of us are way more friendly than we let on, but we can't be that nice or the guys will think "She's so into me". I think it's unavoidable sometimes, guys will be guys. haha

[CF10]

Exactly. I may approach them to try and determine if they would be dating material. Or I could just be making small talk.

So moral of the story for guys: Just cause a woman speaks to you doesnt mean she is into you.

It can be awkward, but when you get a guy you ARE interested in or might be interested in talking to you, it's a major YES we (well, I) like it.
It's easier, TBH, than other ways of approaching people. If you are careful in how you go about it, and yeah, not creepy (i.e. asking weird personal questions, leering, etc.), it's an ego boost at the very least.
I think if you are just obviously being polite and nice, but not overly "friendly", you won't be viewed as creepy.

Gotcha. Good answers, thanks.