Discouraging comments

[cherilee]

Kudos to all the wonderful ladies on this forum. NOWHERE else does anyone encourage me to lift heavy. Even the so called trainers at my gym will not put "women" and "lift heavy" in the same sentence. I can't have a serious discussion about working out with anyone, except here on this forum. It feels like home

I've been told by a male bodybuilder that "women don't need to EVER use more than the bar plus 2 ten pound plates for squats".

And from a female trainer, "You don't need to use heavy weights. All that will do is bulk you up."

These comments were from people I thought I could seek training advice from. I've given up trying to talk to anyone about it, which is a shame because fitness is my passion.

Anyone else care to share their experiences with this kind of discouragement from others?

[CrazyEnough]

wow, Im appaled that you would get such comments by trainers especially. Then again, many simply obtain a certification and remain completely clueless when it comes to anything thats not in the text book...

Keep doing your thing, when in doubt, seek advice and opinions, keep working heard, lifting heavy, training seriously and dont worry about ''bulking up''. Unless u train and EAT specifically for it, it dont happen magicaly!

[JC32]

I'm with you here. Unfortunately, the only decent gym in my area is a YMCA. You do not get top quality trainers there. I'm the only female in there to do serious lifting. The others are just there to pick up guys, lol. And of course most of the guys aren't especially welcoming to me. The PT's there (with the exception of 1) would say the same thing you are hearing. Then there is the guys that think they know what they are talking about and try to tell you how to lift/what you are doing wrong. I feel like damn, just bc I'm a chick doesn't mean I'm totally ignorant as to what I'm doing. The convo's usually end with, I've got 2 MS degrees and 2 certfications, where do you get your info. lol But then I'm the one coming out as the bitch.

[Emoore]

I've noticed that people who make comments like that tend to not have a very high opinion of women. Even the ones who are women themselves. The idea of a strong, powerful woman is very threatening to some people, especially to women who like being "protected" and coddled by men.

[nunu713]

I've noticed that people who make comments like that tend to not have a very high opinion of women. Even the ones who are women themselves. The idea of a strong, powerful woman is very threatening to some people, especially to women who like being "protected" and coddled by men.

I second this ^^

Last week at the gym, I was doing some warm up squat sets before I got into my working sets. I was warming up with about 125lbs and some grandpa comes up to me and tells me that I should really have a spotter when I do that. Um, you don't even know my name, yet you assume because I'm a girl that I can't squat 125? Thanks, jerky. His eyes kind of bulged when I threw even more poundage on there for my working sets.

[NoelFuller]

What type of gyms do you guys work out at?

[cherilee]

What type of gyms do you guys work out at?

Unfortunately I'm in a small town and people here tend to be rather small-minded. The gym I work out in is convenient to my work, but not many serious lifters work out there, and the women especially tend to be cardio queens, lol. The trainers cater to doctors' wives and the like.

[JC32]

I second this ^^

Last week at the gym, I was doing some warm up squat sets before I got into my working sets. I was warming up with about 125lbs and some grandpa comes up to me and tells me that I should really have a spotter when I do that. Um, you don't even know my name, yet you assume because I'm a girl that I can't squat 125? Thanks, jerky. His eyes kind of bulged when I threw even more poundage on there for my working sets.

LOL I so love this. The other day I was doing a warm-up on the bench with 75lbs. And this guy comes up to me and goes "do you know how much weight you have on there??" I'm like Ohhh so not only do you think I'm a dumb girl that doesn't know what she's doing, but you also think I can't count. I informed him 75 was my warmup and I'd be moving to 100 & 105. He looked at me as if I were the crazy one. Then I love when they jump in on your machines when you are trying to superset because apparently they think their workouts are more important than a girls (bc they never do it to other guys).

[NoelFuller]

I have figure girls and bikini train hard and heavy , light weights do nothing

[cherilee]

I've noticed that people who make comments like that tend to not have a very high opinion of women. Even the ones who are women themselves. The idea of a strong, powerful woman is very threatening to some people, especially to women who like being "protected" and coddled by men.

^ I couldn't agree more.

[LittleDonkey]

Reading these threads always makes me thankful that I work out at a university gym! The gym monitors all seem knowledgeable and lots of the varsity athletes work out here so nobody gives women lifting heavy a second look. I've worked out with my boyfriend at his school's gym and it seems to be pretty much the same there. I've had different experiences at various commercial gyms... some seem to have more of a culture of heavy lifting, while others seem to emphasize endless cardio and high reps/low weight. Maybe tour some other gyms in your area and see if you can find one you like better. I definitely recommend university/college gyms if there's one near you!

[NOVA888]

I'm really shocked to read some of the things that are being said to women that lift heavy. Man, these 'concerned citizens' should come to Hawaii and see what kind of weight some of the women are pushing here.

[kimm4]

It's the type of gym you train at. I've never had an issue with anyone ever saying anything. I also have pretty thick skin, so those kind of comments wouldn't bother me anyways.

[triangle]

I'm always a little surprised by these threads. I've never experienced comments like these. In fact I get complimented for lifting heavy. Though often they say it to my boyfriend rather than to me =/ I don't train at a commercial gym though, my gym is geared towards bodybuilding.

[caylansmom]

I've had guys give me compliments for what I was lifting in many cases....I have that look on my face at the gym that says don't mess with me so that helps to keep comments to a minimum....

I did have a trainer tell me that I was lifting too heavy and I would bulk up....I kindly told him, thank you for the tip, I have degrees in the health field and if I wanted your advice I would have asked, have a great day.... (I've learned always respond with positive, negative, positive statements so you don't hurt too many feelings!!)

Most people that make the comments are just jealous...keep lifting heavy ladies!!!

[swindled]

I dont get anything at the gym, in fact most of the trainers and workers there are pretty awesome and come up and say hi to me cuz Im a regular. I do get a lot of guys checking my weights out, but no comments.

I do get "why would you want to look like that?" from the guys in my program...but I"m not taking it personally, most of them cant do pullups so I'm not worried, lol.

To be honest I think most guys are intimidated by a woman who lifts heavy, we are supposed to be "delicate, and faint at the slightest thought of working hard". I can tell the guys who are comfortable with who they are, because they generally support me lifting heavy and wanting to build mass.

[bigvin73]

I know this is the womans forum but i saw the title and had to read it. I can honestly say screw them and any trainer that would make such comments are morons, you know what I would give to find a woman client willing to actually push the issue, hell I help a lady at my gym for free every friday night with her DL because it impressed me when she told me she was gonna set a PR of 195 bye thanksgiving. You woman that train hard are great and the men/woman that say those dum things are just intimidated, I bet the trainers that told you how much was on the bar is just intimidated because you can out lift him. Keep going ladies kick ass and take names!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry to intrude on this post just felt I had to say something because frankelt I was disgusted reading the stories.

[KyleAaron]

I am sorry to hear of your bad experiences, especially with trainers. Many trainers don't realise that it's not their job to set goals for their clients, the client sets the goals and the trainer helps achieve them.

For example, most women I see who want to lose fat for aesthetic reasons are good-looking women already, and I don't think they need to change at all. But if that's what they want, I will help them achieve it, provided there is no risk of illness or injury (eg if you think she's borderline anorexic...) It's their body, not mine.

The trainer can suggest further goals. For example, when women in their 40s or older come in just wanting to lose fat by doing cardio, you'll suggest that weight-bearing exercise will strengthen their bones and reduce the risk of osteoporosis. Or a woman doing a sport, you can suggest goals of strengthening or improving agility to perform better and reduce the risk of injury.

It's also fair enough to say, "What you're doing is interesting, what do you want to achieve?" and then to say, "I think the best way to achieve your goals is -"

But in the end, it's all up to the client. She's the one who has to sweat through the workouts and live with the results, not you.

[DistinctChoice]

I've noticed that people who make comments like that tend to not have a very high opinion of women. Even the ones who are women themselves. The idea of a strong, powerful woman is very threatening to some people, especially to women who like being "protected" and coddled by men.

Very well said!

[punxnotdead309]

I've noticed that people who make comments like that tend to not have a very high opinion of women. Even the ones who are women themselves. The idea of a strong, powerful woman is very threatening to some people, especially to women who like being "protected" and coddled by men.

I've definately noticed that. Really irritating, in my opinion, but I just ignore those kind of people. Not worth my time or worry.

[Brielerose]

I've had a lot of the same problems. And since I go to the gym on base... well, let's just say the males are dumb. They sit there with 100 dumbbells doing curls with improper form, but discourage me from using "heavy" weights and proper form. I think the only time they ever approve is when I do my shoulder exercises, since because of my injury I can only lift 10 lbs. I've learned to ignore it as much as possible.

[princessTiffany]

I get a lot of the same reactions. I'm small, weak and fragile and should only do the bar at all times. I'm dumb and can't count etc., Really does nothing for my misanthropy except make it worse.

I'd give anything to have a little bit of peace and understanding.

I've noticed that people who make comments like that tend to not have a very high opinion of women. Even the ones who are women themselves. The idea of a strong, powerful woman is very threatening to some people, especially to women who like being "protected" and coddled by men.

This is why every time a dude says something stupid to me I ask him if he wants to pay my car payment. If he wants to coddle and protect why not do it that way?

[TheAmazon]

This is why every time a dude says something stupid to me I ask him if he wants to pay my car payment. If he wants to coddle and protect why not do it that way?

soo true! they all holler about wanting a woman who is subservient and knows how to be a woman, but want NO PART of the financial burden that comes w/ complete dependence on another.

[Walk2liv]

I work at a naval base and I workout in the gym. I lift weights there and I don't have any of the guys bugging me or telling me not to lift heavy. It must just be the area. They keep their distance and don't bother me. And I ain't glaring.. im just focused. In fact, no one even bothers eachother.. everyones so focused for their PRT's.. they go in, workout, and then leave. No real socializing.

[doomette]

I work at a naval base and I workout in the gym. I lift weights there and I don't have any of the guys bugging me or telling me not to lift heavy. It must just be the area. They keep their distance and don't bother me. And I ain't glaring.. im just focused. In fact, no one even bothers eachother.. everyones so focused for their PRT's.. they go in, workout, and then leave. No real socializing.

Likewise in the MCB gym I go to here. I'm usually the only female in the free weights section, but I don't get any silly comments either.

[KyleAaron]

soo true! they all holler about wanting a woman who is subservient and knows how to be a woman, but want NO PART of the financial burden that comes w/ complete dependence on another.

They want the good parts of the sexist world without the bad parts. Are you surprised? This is not so different from women wanting equal access to "male" jobs... lots of noise about becoming lawyers, doctors, accountants, not so much noise about becoming coal miners, infantry soldiers, garbage collectors.

Each group (gender group or otherwise) wants the good parts of the prejudiced life, and the good parts of the equal life, with the bad parts of neither.

We're only human, after all

[tintti]

After only few months of training the weights I lift are very moderate. However, at my gym it's mainly the women who stare me either not understanding why on earth there's someone trying to squat outside a Bodypump class, and why I work out in the boys' area with free weights. The really disgusted looks come when I'm deadlifting, and God forbid, actually sweat, struggle and maybe even make little sound.
The guys at this gym are fairly friendly and even supportive. That though, is probably because most of them only work out their upper bodies, and haven't realised (few have) that I leg press more than they do. There's a core group of guys who come often and would consider themselves advanced (actually few of them are personal trainers and also train there), yet I have only ever witnessed 3 other people deadlift.

[restlessmama]

Such a bummer that so many people dont understand I work out at home so I dont have the gym issues, but I also dont have any friends that like to lift...or exercise at all for that matter, so message boreds are all I have to connect with like minded people too!

Thank Goodness for them

[cherilee]

message boreds are all I have to connect with like minded people too!

Thank Goodness for them

^^
I second that!

[kimi7986]

Most of the guys at my gym have accepted me, there are only one or two other women who use the free weight area (even though i have seen quite a few on that ab-twisty with weight machine thing...always just staring at me as they twist back and forth for 10 minutes). I do get a bit annoyed when they critique what I'm doing.

There's only one really annoying guy. We do actually have conversations about training, I said I was doing a 5x5 for a while and he started telling me how that is too much weight and I should be in the 8-10 rep range for 3 sets. It just drives me nuts, he has told me how to do stuff too. I just don't like that feeling of being judged.

I don't even care if people are right and I take their advice, I would just like to have a conversation without getting it! Maybe I want to do it this way and have done a ton of research and want to try something new?

5X5 rocks so far..been about 2 months and I'm ALWAYS sore after a workout.