End of a 2.5 year relationship :( advice appreciated.

[Superman Mk II]

serious replys only please

Basicly we had the perfect relationship, i loved, and still love her more than anything then the last few months shes been a little off, not as loving etc, then last night i got the

"its not you, its me, my feelings have just changed im sorry, the last thing i wanted to do was hurt you" spiel

Well as you can imagine, im crushed, i cried for hours like a little b1tch yesterday, today i think im over the crying, but i feel really fu*ked up, like its difficult to eat, i cant stop thinking about her, and like, how the hell has this happend, everywhere i go there are memories of her etc, the usuall breakup situation i guess.

I know alot of you will have been there before, this was my first proper relationship, i met her when i was 16, and we have been in a relationship until now, im almost 19 now.

I suppose as well as allowing myself somewhere to vent, im just looking for advice as to how i can get over this as soon as possible, as crass as it sounds, i dont want this to effect my training, yes i love her, but its over, im not begging her to get back with me, so i cant have this causing a negative impact on my life for long, life goes on.


Cliffs
- 2.5 year relationship ended by the female
- Im crushed, first love, would never have ended it
- feel fu*ked up, confused, angry, a whole host of emotions
- advice to move on from my bb.com bros

[IanFromScotland]

i know its gonna sound cliche but she might come round.
one place to start is the sticky done by Park0
i swear if i had used that i wudda had a better chance of gettin by ex back a year ago but than the way i planned it out i acted like a bitch
so u should give that a read if not write back i suppose some others might have other info.But i would give her some time leave her for the time being she might change her mind . Yeah it ll be hard to leave her alone but it will be worth it ?

[Monarchy]

Cut contact and give it time. Destroy anything you have that reminds you of her. Date other girls.

[Superman Mk II]

Originally Posted by IanFromScotland

i know its gonna sound cliche but she might come round.
one place to start is the sticky done by Park0
i swear if i had used that i wudda had a better chance of gettin by ex back a year ago but than the way i planned it out i acted like a bitch
so u should give that a read if not write back i suppose some others might have other info.But i would give her some time leave her for the time being she might change her mind . Yeah it ll be hard to leave her alone but it will be worth it ?

That was a good sticky bro, glad i read, i think its beyond the get back together phase though, she doesnt love me anymore, and thats crushing, i wouldnt want to get back with her, it would only be because she felt sorry for me and full of guilt.

Originally Posted by Monarchy

Cut contact and give it time. Destroy anything you have that reminds you of her. Date other girls.

Thats what i was thinking, yesterday i kept going on her facebook staring at pics and stuff, trying to imagine my life without her and getting confused lol, so today i just deleted facebook, im going to put away all my photos, and things shes given me, and put them in a box, i dont think i could bring myself to destroy them.

Im new to this breakup thing, so thanks guys, reps to both of you.

[yeahitsgotahemi]

As mentioned, cut contact, delete/destroy all memories (the really good ones are in your head and if this is your first love like you said, they will always be there)

Hang with your friends right now and keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about her. You said you didn't want this to affect your training, it won't. Fully devote yourself to that now and take your anger, pain and sadness out on the iron.


First break-up is always the hardest (or so they tell me)

[tommyV_1988]

You've got the right attitude OP, good luck to you man.

End of the day, you're only young, and while it is still hard, the chances of 'ending up' with you're first love is very very slim.

Is she just 18 herself? Or 19 like you are?

One thing i find with girls that kinda age (well, once they hit 18ish), is they have their 'town' phase, where they wanna go out, and get pulled by guys etc.

Most people have this said phase though (in my experience), i had it personally, and it's since been and gone.

Edit : as above, channel your frustration/confusion/head f*cks into you're training. It's all psychological, but it sure as hell helps.

[Monarchy]

Good job deleting facebook and stuff. Just try and figure out some personal goals and work towards them. Keep occupied and try to hang out with some other girls.

[IanFromScotland]

yeah everyone go through phases.
once shes done that she ll realize how bad shes fooked it herself.
but like the dude said keep yourself busy that works good just dont let yourself sit there and bein doin nothing because that will be worse u ll continously think about it.
ull get over it fine bro and in a few months ull be writing another thread sayin you got over her and found someone knew good luck on this

[Superman Mk II]

Originally Posted by yeahitsgotahemi

As mentioned, cut contact, delete/destroy all memories (the really good ones are in your head and if this is your first love like you said, they will always be there)

Hang with your friends right now and keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about her. You said you didn't want this to affect your training, it won't. Fully devote yourself to that now and take your anger, pain and sadness out on the iron.


First break-up is always the hardest (or so they tell me)

Thanks man, i certainly plan to, its either gonna be a good workout today, or ill break down crying in the middle of squats Lol

Originally Posted by tommyV_1988

You've got the right attitude OP, good luck to you man.

End of the day, you're only young, and while it is still hard, the chances of 'ending up' with you're first love is very very slim.

Is she just 18 herself? Or 19 like you are?

One thing i find with girls that kinda age (well, once they hit 18ish), is they have their 'town' phase, where they wanna go out, and get pulled by guys etc.

Most people have this said phase though (in my experience), i had it personally, and it's since been and gone.

Edit : as above, channel your frustration/confusion/head f*cks into you're training. It's all psychological, but it sure as hell helps.

Holy sh!t, you hit the nail on the head, shes 19, and im 18 atm, but she is most definatly in this "town phase" you speak of, im all setteled down chilling enjoying the relationship, but she ALWAYS wants to go out, we all know 99% of women turn into sluts with a bit of alcohol, my theory is she just wants to go out, without the restraints of a boyfriend :/ over the last month, three of her close friends also ended long term relationships, they are probaly telling her how great single life is etc.

[ausluke]

yeah definitely cut off contact man
going onto her facebook is the worst thing you could ever do because if you see her flirting with some jackass you're just gunna get hurt

[Superman Mk II]

Originally Posted by ausluke

yeah definitely cut off contact man
going onto her facebook is the worst thing you could ever do because if you see her flirting with some jackass you're just gunna get hurt

This x89722, just hit you with my last green, but ill get everyone who contributes to this thread eventually.

[tommyV_1988]

Originally Posted by ausluke

yeah definitely cut off contact man
going onto her facebook is the worst thing you could ever do because if you see her flirting with some jackass you're just gunna get hurt

But at 6"3 260lbs, the OP won't be the one ended up on the floor thats for sure :P

and cheers for eventual rep OP

[Superman Mk II]

Originally Posted by tommyV_1988

But at 6"3 260lbs, the OP won't be the one ended up on the floor thats for sure :P

and cheers for eventual rep OP

Check your user CP, already been greened

[Superman Mk II]

Gonna go the gym now, ill check back this thread later, cheers guys, advice so far has helped.

[MrZippy]

im in day 3 of a similar situation. lemme tell you, it gets easier. the thoughts in your mind get vaguer and it doesnt hurt quite as much. not saying you wont still feel depressed and ****, but go out with your mates, have some beers. its what ive done and its made me feel a lot better.

[GoutDeMiel]

OP - the best and ONLY remedy for this is to distract yourself because only time will heal this kind of breakup.

Go out with your friends, throw yourself into school work or work, hit the gym hard, find a new hobby or work on one you already have.

Concentrate on taking care of YOU for these next few months.

Don't dwell on her reason for the breakup - it's over and you can't change it. Dwelling will only prolong your pain and healing time.

[Al_Pal]

i couldnt imagine crying like a little bitch about a litle bitch when im 18 years old.

college kills highschool relationships. just how it goes.

grow up OP

[Superman Mk II]

Thanks for all the replys guys and girls, its really helping, and to Al_Pal, i agree, i need to grow up and man up, im 18 ffs. Will impliment all this advice.

Btw hit a PR in the gym with the anger, win.

[tcs2k01]

I was in a 6 year relationship and when it ended I was crushed too man. It took some time to get over but you'll realize that its for the better. The best part of all of this is you're only 18 so you're gonna meet a ton of other women in your lifetime. Just have fun while you're single dude. Use this **** as motivation in the gym !

[GainThis]

Originally Posted by Superman Mk II

Holy sh!t, you hit the nail on the head, shes 19, and im 18 atm, but she is most definatly in this "town phase" you speak of, im all setteled down chilling enjoying the relationship, but she ALWAYS wants to go out, we all know 99% of women turn into sluts with a bit of alcohol, my theory is she just wants to go out, without the restraints of a boyfriend :/ over the last month, three of her close friends also ended long term relationships, they are probaly telling her how great single life is etc.

Wow bud, that's a huge sign right there. Honestly, don't get back with her unless you want the same girl you loved back with 2-3 more guys having been in her.

The best of the good girls never go through this phase, and if that's the type of girl you want do NOT go back to her. Clearly you deserve better, so forget about it.

You've done everything right so far -- don't contact her, don't ask about her and just leave her out of your life for a good month.

[yondy12]

have fun watching yourself break PR's like no tomorow

[AZZA23]

Its still fresh so its gonna take a while to get over her, but the best way to do it is to do things you enjoy, hit the gym, go out with mates etc...

She may have been influenced by her friends, actually im sure of it, but you cnt blame her, she's young and she has a lot of "living" to do before she settles down, and the same applies to you. Look most people get their heart broken once and its jst happened to u a little earlier than most. Learn from the experience and move on, you'll be fine.

[CelticBhoy]

I know you may not want to hear this OP, but there "might" be another guy involved (whether an ex or not). Because logically or rationally, it doesn't make ANY sense for the girl to be like,

"Hmm, I'm in this great relationship. He's treating me well...but I'm just not ready and want to get out!"

No. Sorry, when I cut ties with my ex, to think that I didn't think she met someone at school or back with her ex, etc. is bull****.

But when she does (and she will) text or call or personally meet up with you (meeting up is the worst! Trust me, I got all affectionate, etc. but afterwards...I was back at square one. So I had to cut that off too) and cries, hugs, and tells you that she misses you..

...what are you going to do?

If you feel the need to respond, I would be brutally honest.

"I miss you too. You have no idea how much I miss you, but I am not ready to hang out or be friends. You broke up with me, babe (or insert name). I need time to get over you. Take care of yourself."

End it. Zip it. Game over.

Is it easier said than done? Sure. When a girl breaks up with you, you're heart broken. You'll seldom think about more good **** than bad, you'll emphasize the good and not the bad, etc. but you THINK about the whole picture.

Everytime your phone rings, you hope it's going to be her (even if it's for a moment) and your heart sinks when it isn't. When it FINALLY is her, you're so excited and if you pick up, hearing her voice, her emotions, etc. will give you butterflies in your stomach.

Dude, I've been there! Those goddamn text messages You see her name pop up and you're excited as hell. When you read it, you just stare for a while...happy that she's trying to make you feel good, aching that she's hurting...and carefully planning what to say.

...and if you physically see her? You're going to want to kiss her. Put your hand on her face, look into her eyes, and passionately kiss her, hold her, etc. and chances are: you will.

But once she leaves, you're back at square one. You're not back together, she just wants to keep you around to remain friends...she WANTS you in her life because you treat her well, etc. but she doesn't want to be with you. She's trying to have her cake and eat it too. If you stick her around, you're going to have an occasional "high" moment with her. Maybe an awesome night out, maybe some sex, whatever. But for the majority it's just a facade. It's an empty shell of what things once were or what you hope things are.

End it brah...be strong and completely end it.

How do I end it!?

Like the Serenity Prayer states:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

You can't control or mold others into what you want to perceive. It's her decision. Therefore, it is out of your control. So don't think about it, it's wasted energy. Concentrate on YOU and getting your life in order.

You need to do the following:

A) You need to stop meeting up with her. Stop everything involved with her. CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

B) Do not sit at home and do nothing. This just allows you to think about her and what you once had which often triggers an emotional response (such as working things out). GO OUT WITH FRIENDS, drink, hav fun, meet new girls just take your mind off her. Remember girls come and go, but true friends are forever.

C) LIFT HARD IN THE GYM. Concentrate on you and only you. Make youself a better person. Work out, study, make money, look for a better job, basically improve you.

D) REMEMBER, YOU BROKE UP FOR A REASON. Keep telling yourself that. When you do begin to ponder about her (which you will), think of the negatives and how better off you are without her.

E) TIME HEALS ALL. It's hard to imagine not caring about this girl but believe me over time your feelings will change, it just takes time. Be patient. Don't take a backwards step and go back to her. You did the right thing.

F) TAKE CONTROL OF THE THINGS THAT "YOU CAN CONTROL." Meaning, STOP reflecting on your ex, your sorrows, your depression, etc. it's not only negative energy it's wasted time and effort. Stop, because you have absolutely no control whatsoever of that situation. What you DO have control over is: Life (School, work, gym, social life, hobbies, dreams, etc.). By taking control of events that are controllable, everything else will fall in place. You will create order in your life (not chaos) and with order comes peace of mind and positive attitude.

[Eh?]

I had a buddy break up a 4 year relationship. She ended it a similar way that yours did. He was miserable, didn't eat, depressed, cried etc for a few weeks. He had no interest in girls, and that's probably what you're feeling right now when others tell you to go out and date other girls. You just don't want to right now. After a while he was in better shape but still rough. A group of us went out bowling one night with another group of friends and he met a girl from the other group. Through the night they talked more and more, and by the end he was all smiles. That was 3 years ago. They're married now as of a few months ago. It was him taking time off and meeting someone new that did it for him. Like walking into a test unprepared, and walking out realizing you got a 90%. Huge weight off your shoulders.

I'm 25, so I've been where you are. All I can say is you are young, and you will never again have this opportunity to just do what you want with whatever girl you want. I'm not saying to go out and just **** whoever. That's stupid. I'm saying just take it easy. Know that no matter what, the sun will come up tomorrow. Cry when you feel like crying, but don't beat yourself up over it. Things happen for a reason. You need to spend as much time as you can with friends. Remember as well the best revenge is bettering yourself. Go to the gym, clean up your look if you need to, etc. She will miss what she had. Just remember it's over. There's no going back. Don't ever take her back. You weren't good enough for her before, you aren't good enough for her now.

[beeronbeach]

I'm going through the same situation.

However, it's been 4 months for me that i've been feeling like absolute crap. And it's not getting better.

If you find something that works, let me know. Oh, and all my friends are too busy with their work lives/their own relationships to take me out often. I can only do that at most once a month. So it's really tough.

So once again, if you find something that works, let me know. because im really suffering.

[FunkDaddy]

Originally Posted by Superman Mk II

im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.im almost 19 now.

My dude...you have SO much life ahead of you and SO many girls out there to find a better connection with.

Look at the bright side, you got the big breakup done with early in life so you're better prepared if it happens again (it probably will, it's just life)

Did you really want to meet your wife at 16? Bruh, you gotta play that field, have fun. You're in/going to college and it's going to be the best time of your life. Party with chicks, get your cawk sucked freely and live life to the fullest.

It'll take time for you to see but this is the BEST thing to happen at this point in your life, it's the last thing you want to be tied down.

[Italiantank26]

This thread is full of good advice and has been really helpful to me too. I just broke up with my girl of 1 yr and 9 months. She wanted me to be her friend, and I told her to go f*ck herself and she didn't deserve me after all the sh*t i did for her. I would drive an hour and half once a week to visit her at school and take her out to dinner which I paid for, and then I took her out, bought her really nice sh*t, a 250$ watch for her 18th bday, and took her out to a nice restaurant and paid for everything. After doing all this sh*t for her, while she did nothing for me, she has the nerve to tell me she only wants to be friends, but that I should stick around in case she wanted to get back into a relationship. Yesterday I finally gathered by balls after a month of being in an open relationship and told her to f*ck herself, that we are done, and not to contact me anymore. So far its only been a day, but goddamn I'm still really mad
end rant

[LovesMuscles]

Originally Posted by FunkDaddy

My dude...you have SO much life ahead of you and SO many girls out there to find a better connection with.

Look at the bright side, you got the big breakup done with early in life so you're better prepared if it happens again (it probably will, it's just life)

Did you really want to meet your wife at 16? Bruh, you gotta play that field, have fun. You're in/going to college and it's going to be the best time of your life. Party with chicks, get your cawk sucked freely and live life to the fullest.

It'll take time for you to see but this is the BEST thing to happen at this point in your life, it's the last thing you want to be tied down.

I agree with this, especially it being the best thing to happen.




Even if a guy broke up with a gf to experience other girls I wouldn't find it a problem. Long relationships when you're young should end some time to experience what else is out there. People change, feelings change. Try not to get all butthurt about it. 2.5 years is a hell of long time, especially when you're young.

[Superman Mk II]

God lord, i came back to update this thread and found some epic posts, thank you so much guys, some real good info and advice in this thread, i love bb.com sometimes (no homo)

I came back to say as each day goes by, it gets easier, and im learning to accept whats happend, spending loads of time with mates, meeting new girls, when i start to think about her, i jump up and do somthing to get my mind away, the hardest times are lying in bed at night, but Fu*k her.
After a contact cut she text me, with the whole i want to still be friends thing, i didnt mean to hurt you, etc and worst "your still my best friend", oh so we can still be best mates but you want to suck on someone elses cock ?
in a nutshell, I told her she made her choice, and will never hear from me again :/

[Superman Mk II]

Originally Posted by beeronbeach

I'm going through the same situation.

However, it's been 4 months for me that i've been feeling like absolute crap. And it's not getting better.

If you find something that works, let me know. Oh, and all my friends are too busy with their work lives/their own relationships to take me out often. I can only do that at most once a month. So it's really tough.

So once again, if you find something that works, let me know. because im really suffering.

Damn bro, all i can offer you, is get your ass out the house, do somthing, between work, and the gym, and eating food, i have a tiny bit of time left, which i where i fit in social events, my mates are all busy aswell, stop thinking about her, its over, accept it and dont let it effect your new life, theres a whole new world out there and another girl is waiting for you to find her. Dont dwell on it, dont regret past choices, stop looking at her pictures, and dont cling on to false hope. Good luck man, bb.com is here for you