Please Help!!!

[cfaith]

My husband's friend has asked me to come up with a diet for him....seems easy enough, right?

He is 44 yrs old, 320 lbs and 6'3" tall. He is a heavy drinker (beer mainly), does not exercise and his diet consists of mainly fried foods.

I really want him to succeed. It could be the difference between life and death. I don't mean overly dramatic...but I have been worried about his health for some time now and have even talked to my husband about it. So, you can imagine my suprise when he asked me to help him. And of course I am excited to do so....but I have several concerns.

1. I am not a dietician, nutritionist, etc. I did explain this to him and advised they would be able to do a much better job...but he is very stubborn and persistant. And I definitely do not want to discourage him by telling him I am unwilling to help.

2. Again, I don't want to discourage him....by making drastic changes all at once. I would like to suggest he slowly introduce/remove new/old foods from his diet, and would really appreciate any suggestions.

3. He's a man (enuf said......just joking). I am just figuring out what works for me in terms of calories and macros so I need help with this one especially. I would like to suggest 3500 calories, moderate carbs, moderate protein and low fats...but again this would be a slow progression...any tips/suggestions? I think I know enough to explain to him how to eat clean, i.e. what he should eat (lean proteins, complex carbs, veggies, fruits and healthy fats) & what he shouldn't eat (fried foods, hydronated oils, too much simple sugars, processed foods)--but again any suggestions here would be great, too.

I might suggest he start walking on a daily baisis but first I want to start things in the right direction with his diet.

I am probably making this alot harder than I need to but I just want to make sure I can give him all the tools and information he needs to help him succeed. I have already told him that I can tell him up, down and sideways what, when and how to eat but the only person that want and make the change is him.

Thank you for taking the time to read, I know it is a long post. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

[ntrllftr]

He is a heavy drinker (beer mainly), does not exercise and his diet consists of mainly fried foods.

Should have left this part out you may get more feed back.
You can lead a horse to water....
Sorry to be honest.

Good luck!

.

[Deborah_Lyn]

How commited is he? Really?

beer, fried foods, etc?

I would make him buy books, join here, read EVERYTHING! and make his own diet plan. (The general nutrion section here is a land mine field, but there are some really good gems of knowledge to be found too.) Anything handed to a person, not earned, is not (IMO) respected or followed through.

He needs to jar his pysche out of his comfort zone, get scared and actually act. By having you do the leg work, he's skipping this important step.

You can tell him 1 cup oatmeal, but if he does understand why oatmeal and why portion control are important, he only knows how to eat for 1 day, not for life! If he doesn't understand why protein is so important, he might never eat the correct amount to get real muscle growth while cutting.

I saw my Mom pretend diet for years, so I think its important people make this journey to health themsleves in order to really follow through and do it.

I apoligize if you find this response offensive, but I'd make him do it because it gives him a goal to strive for and easily meet verses losing 50+ pounds. If he still cannot do it (plan a diet), sit down at a table with him and make him work through it like you do a kid with homework. Knowledge is power and in the end, he'll benefit tenfold by this learning experience.

[namtrag]

don't change too much or he will quit straight away.

Have him cut the beer in half

Eat healthy meals 2 out of 3

Start walking 15-20 min a day

If he sticks with this for a month, then you can get serious

[dirkwright]

My husband's friend has asked me to come up with a diet for him....seems easy enough, right?

He is 44 yrs old, 320 lbs and 6'3" tall. He is a heavy drinker (beer mainly), does not exercise and his diet consists of mainly fried foods.

If it was me, I'd tell him to go to a doctor for a checkup first, then to a nutritionist, and then get a personal trainer. I would not want to be blamed if what he does fails to work. He needs to take responsibility for his own health, beginning with asking himself why he drinks so much.

[rpaul11]

don't change too much or he will quit straight away.

Have him cut the beer in half

Eat healthy meals 2 out of 3

Start walking 15-20 min a day

If he sticks with this for a month, then you can get serious

this

with his history, it is going to be very difficult for him. The beer has to be eventually taken to a minimum. The fried foods will need to eventually be eliminated with an occasional exception. Lets face the facts here. He probably already knows this. What makes him think that you designing some miracle diet will change things for him?

I'm not saying don't give it a shot. But make some simple changes in his diet and get him started on some light exercise program. IF he can stick with that and get some results, then put more effort into things. He has to want to do this, so don't put too much stress on yourself until he can show he really is in this whole heartedly.

[ironwill2008]

don't change too much or he will quit straight away.

Have him cut the beer in half

Eat healthy meals 2 out of 3

Start walking 15-20 min a day

If he sticks with this for a month, then you can get serious

^^^^ Here ya go. Anything more, and you'll run him off/waste your time. Good luck; you'll need it.

[cfaith]

How commited is he? Really?

beer, fried foods, etc?

I would make him buy books, join here, read EVERYTHING! and make his own diet plan. (The general nutrion section here is a land mine field, but there are some really good gems of knowledge to be found too.) Anything handed to a person, not earned, is not (IMO) respected or followed through.

He needs to jar his pysche out of his comfort zone, get scared and actually act. By having you do the leg work, he's skipping this important step.

You can tell him 1 cup oatmeal, but if he does understand why oatmeal and why portion control are important, he only knows how to eat for 1 day, not for life! If he doesn't understand why protein is so important, he might never eat the correct amount to get real muscle growth while cutting.

I saw my Mom pretend diet for years, so I think its important people make this journey to health themsleves in order to really follow through and do it.

I apoligize if you find this response offensive, but I'd make him do it because it gives him a goal to strive for and easily meet verses losing 50+ pounds. If he still cannot do it (plan a diet), sit down at a table with him and make him work through it like you do a kid with homework. Knowledge is power and in the end, he'll benefit tenfold by this learning experience.

Offended? No! You went over some very valid points. His mother just died so I think it has caused him to rethink his lifestyle. I completely agree with you on the importance of one doing their own research, it makes the journey more real. This is the main reason I am so hesitant and because he is a friend, nervous (because I am happy that he is reaching out but worried that it might be short lived).

I will definitely be implementing some of your ideas, thank you!

don't change too much or he will quit straight away.

Have him cut the beer in half

Eat healthy meals 2 out of 3

Start walking 15-20 min a day

If he sticks with this for a month, then you can get serious

These are some really good ideas, as well. Thank you. It also puts the ball in his court.

If it was me, I'd tell him to go to a doctor for a checkup first, then to a nutritionist, and then get a personal trainer. I would not want to be blamed if what he does fails to work. He needs to take responsibility for his own health, beginning with asking himself why he drinks so much.

I suggested that, initially...but I might have to insist. I am with you, his drinking is a major factor and I think that might ultimately dertermine whether or not he succeeds.

[MT_Pawkits]

If it was me, I'd tell him to go to a doctor for a checkup first, then to a nutritionist, and then get a personal trainer. I would not want to be blamed if what he does fails to work. He needs to take responsibility for his own health, beginning with asking himself why he drinks so much.

^^^^^^^^^^^ this is the best advice in this thread. ^^^^^^^^

this will separate the men from the boys, if he is serious and it sounds like it this is by far the most logical step.

nothing beats common sense. You nailed this one dirkwright! Spot on!

[Taichichuan]

My husband's friend has asked me to come up with a diet for him....seems easy enough, right?

He is 44 yrs old, 320 lbs and 6'3" tall. He is a heavy drinker (beer mainly), does not exercise and his diet consists of mainly fried foods.

I really want him to succeed. It could be the difference between life and death. I don't mean overly dramatic...but I have been worried about his health for some time now and have even talked to my husband about it. So, you can imagine my suprise when he asked me to help him. And of course I am excited to do so....but I have several concerns.

1. I am not a dietician, nutritionist, etc. I did explain this to him and advised they would be able to do a much better job...but he is very stubborn and persistant. And I definitely do not want to discourage him by telling him I am unwilling to help.

2. Again, I don't want to discourage him....by making drastic changes all at once. I would like to suggest he slowly introduce/remove new/old foods from his diet, and would really appreciate any suggestions.

3. He's a man (enuf said......just joking). I am just figuring out what works for me in terms of calories and macros so I need help with this one especially. I would like to suggest 3500 calories, moderate carbs, moderate protein and low fats...but again this would be a slow progression...any tips/suggestions? I think I know enough to explain to him how to eat clean, i.e. what he should eat (lean proteins, complex carbs, veggies, fruits and healthy fats) & what he shouldn't eat (fried foods, hydronated oils, too much simple sugars, processed foods)--but again any suggestions here would be great, too.

I might suggest he start walking on a daily baisis but first I want to start things in the right direction with his diet.

I am probably making this alot harder than I need to but I just want to make sure I can give him all the tools and information he needs to help him succeed. I have already told him that I can tell him up, down and sideways what, when and how to eat but the only person that want and make the change is him.

Thank you for taking the time to read, I know it is a long post. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

I think this guy is simply flirting with you in a subtle way!
I would give this guy a diet of "F--K OFF!" LOL

[cfaith]

You can lead a horse to water....
Sorry to be honest.

Good luck!

.

Very true. Thank you.

with his history, it is going to be very difficult for him. The beer has to be eventually taken to a minimum. The fried foods will need to eventually be eliminated with an occasional exception. Lets face the facts here. He probably already knows this. What makes him think that you designing some miracle diet will change things for him?

I'm not saying don't give it a shot. But make some simple changes in his diet and get him started on some light exercise program. IF he can stick with that and get some results, then put more effort into things. He has to want to do this, so don't put too much stress on yourself until he can show he really is in this whole heartedly.

You, too, are right...He knows it, I think he just feels he needs to be held accountable (which we all know does not work unless you REALLY want the change). Thank you for reminding me not to stress. I've given other people nutrition advise before, no problem, I think what makes this different is that he is obese and desperately needs the guidance.

^^^^ Here ya go. Anything more, and you'll run him off/waste your time. Good luck; you'll need it.

Thank you.

(and to everyone who has responded so far, thanks, and I owe you)

[cfaith]

I think this guy is simply flirting with you in a subtle way!
Give him a diet of "F--K OFF!" LOL

I hope not, he's my husband's best friend. ...but you never know, do ya? lol

[beachguy498]

If it was me, I'd tell him to go to a doctor for a checkup first, then to a nutritionist, and then get a personal trainer. I would not want to be blamed if what he does fails to work. He needs to take responsibility for his own health, beginning with asking himself why he drinks so much.

I second the above. He should get checked out first, 320 lbs is pretty big and drinking on top of that? If I was his doctor, I'd have him take a stress test, which is quite an experience when you THINK that you're in decent shape. The nutritionist will be able to come up with something safe for him to follow.

BG

[m1k3g0rd]

1. I am not a dietician, nutritionist, etc. I did explain this to him and advised they would be able to do a much better job...but he is very stubborn and persistant. And I definitely do not want to discourage him by telling him I am unwilling to help.

He's obviously not serious, based on this comment. He's using this as an excuse to blame someone else when he fails. If he was serious, he would take your advice and not try to railroad you into being his scapegoat.

[jellodirt]

He is 44 yrs old, 320 lbs and 6'3" tall. He is a heavy drinker (beer mainly), does not exercise and his diet consists of mainly fried foods.

1. See a Dr.
2. Stop drinking beer
3. No more fried foods
4. Start excercising

Statistically between the ages of 40-50 is when a man will have a fatal heart attack if he is going to have one. This guy is 44, 320 lbs, and leads an unhealthy lifestyle; time is not on his side. I wouldn't feel like it's your responsibility to come up with a quick fix for him. He needs to take his health seriously and take responsibility for himself.

[cfaith]

This is the plan I came up with. Thank you so much for the replies, they really helped!!!!!!!! (this is the email I am sending)

Hi Tim. Hope you are doing well. I am really excited that you want to make a positive, healthy change and can't wait to help you reach your goals.

There are several things I would like to stress before we get started.

1. Change comes from within. I can tell you what kinds of foods to eat and when to eat them, but if you do not sincerely want to make the change it's not going to happen, period. Eventually you will get tired of it and quit. You have to ask yourself?do I really want to make a change?

2. If you don't take the time to learn WHY or HOW MUCH you should eat or WHAT kinds of effects certain foods have on your body, then it will be a lot harder to stick to the program..if not impossible. There is world of information at your fingertips regarding healthy eating. If you take the time to research/read about healthy eating/living then it will be easier to see it through. You have to hold YOURSELF accountable. Knowledge is Power!

3. Beer. I think this is going to be the hardest thing to change about your current diet. Not that drinking occasionally is a bad thing, but drink everyday and it can have a very negative effect on fat oxidation/loss (as well as a multitude of other health concerns of which I am sure you are already aware!!)

OK. Are you ready to get started??? I am NOT going to suggest a complete overhaul...just yet. There are several things I want to suggest and in a couple of weeks we?ll look at where you stand and go from there. Reason? If you change too many things at once it will be harder to stick with it. I have attached a list of healthy food choices and foods you should absolutely stay away from. If you are hungry?EAT!! Just make sure that you are eating the right kinds of foods. I have also attached a few nutrition articles for your enjoyment. We are going to start slow so heeeerrre we goooooooooo!!..

This week:

1. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner: Breakfast is a must. If you normally don't eat anything for breakfast and you're normally not hungry, eat something anyway?even if it is small. Make sure at least two of your meals are healthy. If you get hungry in between meals, eat a healthy snack (see attached).

2. Cut the beer in half. Period.

3. Take a hike...no really, or a walk around the block. Just get moving. One day this week set aside 20-30 minutes to just move!

4. Write down your goals. Do you want to lose 30, 40, 50 lbs? Be healthier? Live longer? Writing down your goals will make them more tangible.

Tim...THIS IS IMPORTANT...my advice SHOULD NOT be replacement for expert advice. Please (if you have not done so already) go to your doctor for a physical and advise him of your goals so that he/she can go over any health concerns with you.

Oh yeah, one more thing...be careful what you wish for!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk to you soon.

[Taichichuan]

"Oh yeah , one more thing...be careful what you wish for!!!!!!!!!!" LMAO!
cfaith, I'm so glad that you picked up on this fyucking bastard!

[S-D]

cfaith,

Losing weight without building muslce is not that difficult if you have the motivation. Eight years ago my doctor gave me the option to lose the weight and get my triglycerides 440+ and cholesterol 267+ under control or not live to see 40. Well I chose to live and to do so drug free. My doctor recommended the following book. Don't Eat Your Heart Out Cookbook by Joseph C. Piscatella. I lived out of this book for a year of my life. The only exercise I did was walking three miles Monday through Friday at lunch and mountain biking 10 miles a day three to four days a week. I honestly believe I am alive today because of this one book. Once I started on the diet in this book I went from eating three meals a day to eat 6 to 8 large meals a day. That might sound strange to some people. The first three weeks I was on this diet my stomach was always growling after I ate. I had to break my body from 37 years of eating garbage. I did not break from this diet until I reached my goal. Only problem is I blew right through my weight goal. I wanted to stop about 170 but bottomed out at 158. 5' 11 and 158 is pretty slim. My doctor was surprised because she never seen someone take it as serious as I did. In over 30 years she never seen any man my age get their triglycerides and cholesterol under control. She told me I was the first that she did not have to put someone in my situation on cholesterol lowering drugs. At the time I had a brother that had been on those drugs for years and from my understanding once you start you are on them for the rest of your life. That was not an option for me.

Before changing my life I was pretty much a desk jockey. Today I was hooky from work so I could spend the day enjoying 30 inch of spring powder at Crystal Mountain on my snowboard. Ten years ago I only dreamed about snowboarding now I tackle double black diamond runs ever chance I get. Ten years ago a double black diamond run would have scared the hell out of me, but than ten years ago I had only snowboarded once in my life. Now I buy season passes and quality of life is awesome.

Look no one here knows your husband but his lack of posting for himself is a telling sign of his motivation. Until someone smacks your husband in the face with the harsh reality that being 44 and 320lbs his life expediency is fairly short nothing is going to change. I know I spend 20 years telling myself I was going to lose the weight and get back in shape. Talking and doing are not the same thing. Talking does not open the front door of the house when it is raining to go for a walk, a run or a ride, it does not pick the healthy food over another beer and piece of pizza. Talking happens at Taco Bell doing happens as you drive pasts Taco Bell.

I respect you for wanting to plan something out for your husband but when my dad died of complication from heart surgery at the age of 50 I told myself I would start to do something about my health. I was 23 then. It was not until the doctor told me I was going to die before I turn 40 that my talking turned to doing "action". Then my wife could only get in the way. I did the research, I did the walking, I did the biking. She supported me in the kitchen and with moral support but that is all she could offer. My motivation through the whole thing was "only I could do it". Even if someone else could do it for me it still would not make a difference, it had to be me. So basically I am calling your husband out, only he can make the difference in his life. The only thing you will get is heartache and disappointed in your husbands' failures in losing weight if you try to do anything beyond moral support. He needs to learn, he needs to research, he needs to plan, he has to create that life style change in his mind and live by it, he needs to "DO", do you get what I am saying here? Boy! I hope so.

[DeathtoToasters]

He's obviously not serious, based on this comment. He's using this as an excuse to blame someone else when he fails. If he was serious, he would take your advice and not try to railroad you into being his scapegoat.

x2 first thing I thought of when I read this part.

[StressMonkey]

I hope things work out for him but like others have pointed out I'm skeptical of his level of commitment. If he was serious it seems like common sense to ditch the beer and fried foods and then ask for help about more specific info.

[RBH58]

I'm not pushing this and I have no interest and don't receive any benefits for this, but I have family and friends that have achieved amazing results on this diet... www.bodytrim.com.au

There are similar diets out there (it's a metabolism revving high protein low fat diet) but the thing that impresses me about this one is that it actually seems to be realistically sustainable.

There was actually an interesting article in the paper today discussing a recent study that has found that 40% protein in calorie controlled diets is 15% more effective in facilitating weight loss than the traditional hi-carb diet pushed by dieticians for the last 20 years.

I personally think dieticians and their food pyramid have a bit to answer for.

[MT_Pawkits]

"Oh yeah , one more thing...be careful what you wish for!!!!!!!!!!" LMAO!
cfaith, I'm so glad that you picked up on this fyucking bastard!

WOW!

kind of judgmental don't you think? What ever happened to the benefit of the doubt.

He did ask for help, in my book that is the first step!

Unless you know him personally, how did you determine he was a "fyucking bastard" ? From something a 3rd party wrote?

[Baldiewonkanobi]

We all have life crisis we deal with. We can not unload our burden onto others, drown them with alcoholism, feed them with glutony, and dwell in self pity. Generally it's Darwinian and sadly early death. His issues are miniscuel compared to others in here who have dug their heels in, quietly sought their Higher Power alone, and steadfastly improved their lot a day at a time. We are blasted daily with healthy life style options in books, radio and TV. He knows what to do.

I have lost most of my friends to early death. It saddens me. But for a few left my age that I cherrish, I am alone staring at 70. I must admit that I wonder at times if there was anything I could have done to 'save' them. Reality tells me no.

All I can say is try if you must and live your lives as a loving example of health.

Baldie

[jmac66]

Honestly, I'd get him to go to Weight Watchers...actually attend meetings. They are excellent with working through bad habits in a group setting, giving encouragement, etc...The program is sound and appropriate for someone like you are describing. I've sent many of my patients to W.W. and been very pleased with the results. Blood pressures, cholestrol readings, blood sugars and weights dropping consistently.

Once a person makes that change and see the positive results, you can start getting more aggressive with nutrition and training.

Make sure your friend sees their medical provider for a full exam / labs / ekg before starting any workout plan!

[jellodirt]

I think this guy is simply flirting with you in a subtle way!
I would give this guy a diet of "F--K OFF!" LOL

I thought this when I first read your post and saw your avatar. I wouldn't say he's flirting but IMO he is trying to involve himself with you by creating a reason to spend time together.

He's obviously not serious, based on this comment. He's using this as an excuse to blame someone else when he fails.

^^x2^^

[cfaith]

"Oh yeah , one more thing...be careful what you wish for!!!!!!!!!!" LMAO!
cfaith, I'm so glad that you picked up on this fyucking bastard!

Not where I was going with that one...just had the impression that he expected me to hand him a diet plan and that's that...not so. I was suggesting to him that it is alot harder than he anticipates.

Talking and doing are not the same thing. Talking does not open the front door of the house when it is raining to go for a walk, a run or a ride, it does not pick the healthy food over another beer and piece of pizza. Talking happens at Taco Bell doing happens as you drive pasts Taco Bell.

He needs to learn, he needs to research, he needs to plan, he has to create that life style change in his mind and live by it, he needs to "DO", do you get what I am saying here? Boy! I hope so.

Absolutely! I just want to help where I can and sometimes moral support is a great motivator...just knowing someone is behind you in your goals....and I am willing to be just that as long as I see he (my husband's friend) is making a TRUE effort.

Congratulations on you're weight loss!!

I hope things work out for him but like others have pointed out I'm skeptical of his level of commitment.

I am skeptical, too...I can only do so much, the rest is up to him. All I can do is hope for the best.

I'm not pushing this and I have no interest and don't receive any benefits for this, but I have family and friends that have achieved amazing results on this diet... www.bodytrim.com.au

Thank you.

He did ask for help, in my book that is the first step!

Exactly. And who am I to turn him away just because I think he won't follow through? I cannot assume the worst and later say.....what if?

We all have life crisis we deal with. We can not unload our burden onto others, drown them with alcoholism, feed them with glutony, and dwell in self pity. Generally it's Darwinian and sadly early death. His issues are miniscuel compared to others in here who have dug their heels in, quietly sought their Higher Power alone, and steadfastly improved their lot a day at a time. We are blasted daily with healthy life style options in books, radio and TV. He knows what to do.

I have lost most of my friends to early death. It saddens me. But for a few left my age that I cherrish, I am alone staring at 70. I must admit that I wonder at times if there was anything I could have done to 'save' them. Reality tells me no.

All I can say is try if you must and live your lives as a loving example of health.

Baldie

Thank you. Several close family members, including my mother, have died early (preventable) deaths. My mother was obese....and I also admit to wondering if there was anything I could have done....and I do see the similarities. It's almost as if I've been given a second chance to make a significant difference in someone's health and I am taking it a little personally...

I understand that all I can do his guide him in the right direction but the outcome is up to him, and him alone. It's going to a personal challenge to keep that in mind.

[crupiea]

I Think its great that you want to help.

I have encountered this a number of times and it is usually frustrating.

To save yourself some time tell him that for starters he has to stop drinking beer. If he cant or most likely wont do this then your work is basically done.

Its a sad fact that people get fat and simply refuse to change. Keep in mind that this in in a society where every single person has access to diet information for free from a number of sources and still refuse to do anything about it.

It simply has to be something that he wants to do or it wont happen. I hope that it does though.

[cfaith]

I Think its great that you want to help.

I have encountered this a number of times and it is usually frustrating.

To save yourself some time tell him that for starters he has to stop drinking beer. If he cant or most likely wont do this then your work is basically done.

Its a sad fact that people get fat and simply refuse to change. Keep in mind that this in in a society where every single person has access to diet information for free from a number of sources and still refuse to do anything about it.

It simply has to be something that he wants to do or it wont happen. I hope that it does though.

Me too, thanks!

[cliff123]

He's gotta change his Diet~!!!!

I'd suggest he go all veggie and undertake some aerobic effort for an hour a day. Really getting the heart rate up as high as he can.
But at over 300 pounds I think he needs to see a doctor to make sure he won't kill himself.

Death is a lousy way to end a workout.

[MT_Pawkits]

He's gotta change his Diet~!!!!

I'd suggest he go all veggie and undertake some aerobic effort for an hour a day. Really getting the heart rate up as high as he can.
But at over 300 pounds I think he needs to see a doctor to make sure he won't kill himself.

Death is a lousy way to end a workout.

All Veggie???

I think the goal is to get healthy and fit, not get a pair of floppy ears and poop pellets!