Friends not supportive

**Fifty+** · 03-25-2009, 12:09 PM

I don't have anyone in my life who is critical of my lifting life style....on the other hand, I don't have anyone in my life who understands my lifting life style either. Thank goodness for virtual friends...

**JonnyStead** · 03-25-2009, 02:21 PM

You have to do this for yourself. Sure its nice when people comment that you're looking fit and healthy (even better when they say you look 'big') but its your view that counts.

If they dont support you - its likely because they know they dont have the willpower themselves. Dig deep, train hard and do it for you.

**Old-Time-Lifter** · 03-25-2009, 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by aneas

I guess I am different. I could really care less what others think. Plus I know they all secretly want to be me anyway.

aneas,

Doesn't everyone want to be you?

**RBH58** · 03-25-2009, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by pmartel

I'm amazed at the amount of support I've gotten from co-workers AND the one majorly important person in my life, my partner, that speaks volumes right there.

Onward & upward!!

Good for you pmartel! It's great to see other 50 plusers not willing to give in to a terminal slide.

aneas · 03-25-2009, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by Old-Time-Lifter

aneas,

Doesn't everyone want to be you?

At least that is the way I see it.

**kimm4** · 03-25-2009, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by aneas

I guess I am different. I could really care less what others think. Plus I know they all secretly want to be me anyway.

Yup, this is me exactly!!

**SP1966** · 03-25-2009, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by kimm4

Yup, this is me exactly!!

Agreed, it seems a little foolish to me to worry about what others think. If you enjoy it what else matters?

**new2lifting** · 03-25-2009, 03:50 PM

My boss at work is critical of lifting if I bring it up, so I don't bring it up, and all is fine.

probably a couple of hundred folks in the complex I work in, and only 2 people I know lift weights, and I know just about everyone in the building on a first name basis

so weightlifters are a minority, and most people don't really want to hear about it because it would be like talking to me about basketweaving or some other hobby I don't care about

I don't think the issue is jealousy, but disinterest, and perhaps sometimes we push our hobby too much onto other folks wheather directly or indirectly, which can cause resentment cuz we think we are the ****

my 2 cents

**kdza** · 03-25-2009, 04:57 PM

I guess I've gotten lucky. The most negative comment I ever got was, "You're crazy. I wouldn't put myself through all that pain" but it was said in a light hearted tone. Everyone either doesn't care, supports or compliments me.

The one who catches hell is my aunt. She's the only vegetarian in our whole family and man is she a pain. We go out to eat and she puts waiters through hell... "Tell the cooks not to use knives or anything that was used to cut meat on my tofu." or "Do you use chicken broth in that?" or "Can you tell me the ingredients in that. I want to make sure no meat by-products are in there." She always has to bring her "special food" when we're eating at someone's house. Very annoying.

**Byakuya** · 03-25-2009, 05:03 PM

pretty much nobody in my life is supportive.. my friends say things like "well if I was going to work out, I wouldn't want to bulk up. I'd just go for a little muscle definition." and my mom says "guys with big muscles just seem insecure".. and my wife says "I don't want you getting TOO big".. and my martial arts teacher says "big muscles will make it harder to move".. blah blah blah.. I don't really care what anyone thinks though. I figure I'm doing this for myself.. not for them.. they can think whatever they want..

**thor93** · 03-25-2009, 06:52 PM

I'm pretty much nonchalant and subtle for the most part these days,where as,when i was younger,i had a more strut my stuff kinda attitude and deameanor i guess.At least somewhat anyway.I'd go clubbin and wear muscle shirts and try to act extra cool but after awhile,i realized that this is all a silly charade and quite unnecessary.

Also,actually not even the real me as well.I'm actually much more natural feeling and comfortable with having a subtle and humble approach instead of a strutfull or brashfull approach.I guess,then again,age has something to do with this type of personality metamorphasis.

My brother used to kinda sneer and feel like i was being a narcisstic jerk even if i talked about working out or how beneficial it is and how much more confidence it instills and such.He's alot cooler about it overall nowadays since he's Much MUCH More Social.The sneering isnt there anymore because he doesnt feel insecure with himself anymore.He's currently earning a bachelor's in sociology and that's his confidence booster and saving grace from the dreadfull realms and throes of low self esteem,low self opinion, and self conciousness that plagued him throughout his teen years.

As far as others goes.Well,i havent gone to a gym in years now and i sometimes miss that sort of spotlight effect you get in there,especially when the gym is quite happening.That is,Packed but not too packed for comfort and workout space.

Well,also,being that this is a whole different age.The Internet Age.
I can do my spotlight thing and have my little narcissum fix in a different manner.A less boldish manner by putting up workout vids on my yt channel for people to critique and such.Really,its mostly about inspiring others these days though.This definately is a driving force but of course i still dont mind compliments and encouragement,or the feeling of a higher self esteem,well being, and confidence that a good workout provides and brings to the table even if just for the sake of the endorphine rush.

**Mesomorph22** · 03-25-2009, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by pmartel

His attidude towards things was 'MEH' Wow, I thought, that's supportive.

This is all the more incentive to get out and bust my butt even further.

Uhhhh.... your motivation to workout is your guy friend? Thats disgusting!

**new2lifting** · 03-25-2009, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by Mesomorph22

Uhhhh.... your motivation to workout is your guy friend? Thats disgusting!

lol at your avatar

**kimm4** · 03-25-2009, 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by Fifty+

I don't have anyone in my life who is critical of my lifting life style....on the other hand, I don't have anyone in my life who understands my lifting life style either. Thank goodness for virtual friends...

Agreed. I keep my lifestyle private and I don't talk about it with anyone. I can't tell you the number of times I'm asked about my diet, how much do I lift, competing, blah, blah, blah...most of you have been there so you know exactly what I'm talking about. The real world just doesn't understand it and I really don't want to waste my time trying to explain it...

I have a small circle of close friends and I don't even talk to them about my lifestyle...who really cares seriously? bb is a very lonely, boring sport...but I love it so that's all that matters.

I look at this way "Kim's World" is not meant for everyone...so if I don't invite you...don't take it personal...

**Roger035** · 03-26-2009, 02:34 AM

This all sounds too familiar. I posted the same on 11/2007. My reccomendation is to keep looking forward and don't look back. Maybe someday, your friend will ask you for advise on how to get in shape.

**BillyBatts** · 03-26-2009, 03:27 AM

Originally Posted by aneas

I guess I am different. I could really care less what others think. Plus I know they all secretly want to be me anyway.

I agree. Bodybuilding is purely an individual sport. I don't need anyone's support. Who cares what other people think.

**JOHN GARGANI** · 03-26-2009, 03:41 AM

put me firmly in this camp!

really: I NEVER cared what anyone felt about anything I like to do, ever, in my entire life, and I surely wouldn't start now.....

I don't have friends that comment that way or in that fashion about any of my many hobbies and pursuits....and If I did, they wouldn't be a friend for long....

all of my friends ( and I have far too many ) are people who share similar interests with me, and so, our basic contact is the common ground between us....

Friends that I might lift with....countless friends that I fish with....some friends that I only go to concerts with....etc and so on.......

there is no "spillover"......and if a "friend" of mine ever said something like this:

"why do you have to this that day" or something to that effect, they would soon be gone in my life....really....that is NOT the way men should talk to one another, in my opinion.....no insult intended to the many distaff friends I have on this forum....

also: I don't need vindication or recognition from anyone in my life for any of the things that I do in my life.....

I am my own person, period.....and those that fit in with that, fine....

fortunately, hundreds do....no exagerration, I have an unusual number of friends.....

**T-Hawke** · 03-26-2009, 03:42 AM

Most of my friends are way out of shape. Some are in fact, just outright fat. None of them want to hear about working out or eating right (or attempting to eat better). I rarely talk about it with them now. All I ever got was that half eye-ball roll and good for you response.

But it is funny every now and then like last year when we had to walk a golf course because of conditions late in the season and they were dying out there. There are the times when we clear some trees then split the wood and stack it - watching them huff and puff and taking a break ever 5 to 10 minutes and just flat out whining and then the next day crying about how sore they are is sweet irony (maybe payback for their snarky responses). Still, if they were in half as good of shape, i could only imagine how much quicker clearing, cutting and stacking the trees an wood would go.

**besel** · 03-26-2009, 04:23 AM

sometime to change our life we need to change our friends.

**Taichichuan** · 03-26-2009, 04:24 AM

Originally Posted by beachguy498

I haven't run into any negativity so far. A few people at work know what I'm doing and one is on a weight loss regimen. We discuss food, supplements and basic exercise. My family is behind me 100% and that's what matters most.

Maybe your friend will come around and do something positive for himself. I find that people tend to get discouraged and give up or won't even give something a try.

BG

Originally Posted by stayfit2008

Interesting thread,..and how relevent as well. Last comp I did last year I trained alot with my older brother. He just retired and was starting to enjoy the simple life. I have always been in better shape than him but he was the athlete in the home,..lives drinks and eats sports! early last year we began training together,..my goal all along was an October BB show,..his,..just get stronger and look better. As the months went by of training,..my body began to take on many changes,..being a stout 215lb. guy dropping to 165lbs. contest form. About the last cpl. months he would throw in little comments like ahhh you'r lookin skinny,..or thats a funny exercise pointing it out to other meatheads in the gym. We started distancing ourselves from each other,..I really didnt pay it too much attention because I was focussed on my goal. when peak week came about I hardly ever saw him. I would ask if he wanted to come to the BB show with the family. His response was,.."why would I want to see men up on stage wearing almost nothing" I was a bit disappointed but kept driving. Comp day arrived,..I went with the rest of my family who could go. I did great in my first comp, winning my weight division and overall novice,..2nd in Masters div. I called him up on my blue tooth car phone,..told him the news,..the best thing he could come up with was finding the most negative,..which was "othing matters,..you came in 2nd therefore you lost" I felt very sorry for the guy,..all the plugging he put in and not really suceeding in his athletic adventures,..and for me,..the dabbler in sports takes the Gold on his first real attempt. He since congratulated me in his owne way but still always tries to find the negative and always devalue everyone in his way. Yes even his wife and kids. I still love the guy,..but I feel some day we will come to terms.

I know how you feel about sibling rivalry. There is a mixture of brains and brawn in my family. I have them both which make my other siblings quite jealous. A body like Lou Ferrigno's and a mind like Socrates will get on anyone's nerves! LOL My brothers love to drink and won't touch a weight. Yet, they love to nag me about bodybuilding during those family get-togethers which I hate with a passion. I have lost four friends in my family due to negativism and jealousy.

**Whatanejit** · 03-26-2009, 04:28 AM

I can't help myself but share my world with others.

1) horses - their pics are all over my wall in my office and screensaver on the puter.
When people see me now they ask after me and then after the horses - poor OH is asked after third.

2) Food and exercise... as I always cook fresh even in work you can imagine the smell that comes out of our kitchen and out into the rest of the building.
Staff and students have asked me to sell them my lunches

) I could start a little business.

One sarky comment was refering to how they never heard food (healthy of course) talked about so much in any office.

My main co-worker - just two of us share the office - is a great support.

She used to be very overweight and now is a little too thin for my liking but eats well and goes to the gym to do lots of cardio.

She is a babe and supports me and covers my a$$ when I sneak off to lift for 45 mins.
I make her lunch everyday as mutual support.

**not2l8** · 03-26-2009, 05:54 AM

This thread is spot on. When eating out with co-workers, eyes roll when I order off the menu or peel portions of the food off my plate that are garbage. They seem to measure my progress and make critical comments about how I seem to be putting in a lot of effort and making slower gains than they expect - all while sitting on their butts and doing nothing, mind you. When they hear the word bodybuilding, all they think of are the ridiculous photos on supplement packaging or some BB-ing magazines. My progress may be slow, much slower than I want, but I'll get there.

**StressMonkey** · 03-26-2009, 06:44 AM

I guess I'm lucky in that my friends are completely indifferent to the fact that I work out. Like Gympunk I didn't tell any of them when I started. Only one person has ever talked to me about it. Out of the blue he just said "Dude! What's with the guns?" and we started discussing it. That is probably one of the nicest compliments I've gotten. It made me feel great.

**raz1875** · 03-27-2009, 04:44 AM

Originally Posted by pmartel

This pisses me right off.

I have a friend that I've known for some time and as we haven't seen each other since Christmas.

His attidude towards things was 'MEH' Wow, I thought, that's supportive.

This is all the more incentive to get out and bust my butt even further.

One really get's to know who's one's friend's are when you're trying to improve yourself.

Can't wait til summer now!!

Oh and guys, thanks for all the support since I joined up on the board. I've learned alot and feel like I've been doing this along time!!

If the shoe was on the other foot and he made the progress..I bet
he would be anxious to show what he had accomplished in the gym.

This has also been the same reaction from the ladies I have been
dating.

I think they all feel guilty for not working out themselves.

**jocdat** · 03-27-2009, 06:38 AM

I wouldn't workout to upstage or prove to someone that you're better than he. Just do it for yourself and not give a rat's ass about anyone who comments about your lifestyle, diet, etc.

If anyone tries to interfere with your positive goals, remind them that you are not doing for them, it's for you. That'll shut 'em up.

If they keep harrassing you, call 'em up very early in the morning or very late at night and harrass them about something, anything. Dish'em back the dirt. They'll learn not to bother you again. (I did and it worked!!)

If anyone puts a damper on your hard work, point it out and say, "What's bothering you? Is something wrong?" A lot of times, people send 'innocuous' jabs to deflate your balloon. They are envious of the positive and noticeable results and just want to bring you back to their level. When you confront those belittling comments, it forces them to come out and say what they really mean. Most of the time, people hem and haw in embarrassment that you caught their insecurity and will try to brush it off. Some may come right out and let you know their thoughts. Jealousy, insecurity, ignorance, whatever will be the topic of discussion and you should try to ease their concerns, that is, if you value your friendship with that person. If not, tell 'em, "If that's the only problem you see in me, I see PLENTY problems in you. Where would you like for me to start?"

**pmartel** · 03-27-2009, 06:44 AM

Originally Posted by Byakuya

pretty much nobody in my life is supportive.. my friends say things like "well if I was going to work out, I wouldn't want to bulk up. I'd just go for a little muscle definition." and my mom says "guys with big muscles just seem insecure".. and my wife says "I don't want you getting TOO big".. and my martial arts teacher says "big muscles will make it harder to move".. blah blah blah.. I don't really care what anyone thinks though. I figure I'm doing this for myself.. not for them.. they can think whatever they want..

Good on you, these are not real friends. That's just the attitude I described of my friend who ticked me off to write this post!!

Boy is he going to be in for a rude shock come Victoria Day!!

**Northeasterner** · 03-27-2009, 06:49 AM

I think that this thread shows it is important for us to be supportive when our friends start.

I've written about a lazy friend of mine who finally joined a gym this year after I nagged him for quite a while. He has lost about 15 pounds and he is now lifting weights. I'm encouraging him and I'm very tempted to "coach" him, but it's probably better for him to find his own way, and for me to stand ready to help if he asks.

He doesn't want to get really big or massive; he just wants to add some muscle. A pity, because he's 6'2" and he could look amazing given his frame.

He worked on delts and arms on Wednesday. That was his first weightlifting workout in several years. He told me it felt great and he was excited, and I was happy to hear the news. Then this morning he told me he's pumped to hit the weights again and said, "tonight I will do chest, delts, and arms."

I stopped him dead in his tracks and said, "you did delts and arms 2 days ago. Why again so soon? Your body will not react well. You haven't lifted in years. You are sore. Ease into it. Do chest, but don't do delts and arms yet."

He thought about it quietly, admitted he was too eager, and agreed he won't do delts and arms.

Yep... now that he is into it, I'm very happy, and I know he will face some "obstacles" from the rigor of dieting and training. But I'll be ready to cheer him on.

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