I mentioned to my husband the other day that our daughter, who just turned 7, has been wasting everything I give her lately. For example, she LOVES orange juice, but has wasted 3 cups in the last few days in favor of water. Not anything major, but then I noticed that she wasn't eating some of her favorite foods at dinner either. So we sat her down last night and asked her if she felt alright, and what was going on, and she finally tells us that the girls at school (this is 1st grade), told her that if they eat, they'll all get really fat!!!! I was blown away! We told her that those girls don't know their facts and that you have to eat in order to be healthy. Then we talked about being healthy and making good decisions about food, but that you need food to make you grow, and that it's perfectly fine to have dessert or something every once in a while. The thing that bothered me the most is that 7 year old little girls should NOT be worried about losing weight! On top of that, our daughter is TINY for a 7 year old. She's very petite. It was just sort of a slap in the face about how fast kids are growing up these days and how scary it is that I'm no longer the ONLY one my daughter is listening to anymore. Momma is definitely going to pay serious attention to what she's REALLY learning about at school! Anyway, just thought I'd share.
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Its getting scary these days with how quickly kids are growing up. You see little 10 year olds with their designer clothes and mobile phones wearing make up etc.
"back in my day" (hehe) we were kids. we wore dorky baggy clothes, got dirty, played and had a childhood.
I think kids are missing out on their youth these days. When i have kids im keeping them in a bubble hehe
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Im not a female, I just saw this thread though, I think thats really sad.
Let me tell you what I think,
Girl A ~ Probably one of the girls older sisters tells Girl A which is in your daughters class, then thats how it spreads. You should find the root source of this, and probably speak to the girls parents which will probably speak to their older daughter.
I mentioned to my husband the other day that our daughter, who just turned 7, has been wasting everything I give her lately. For example, she LOVES orange juice, but has wasted 3 cups in the last few days in favor of water. Not anything major, but then I noticed that she wasn't eating some of her favorite foods at dinner either. So we sat her down last night and asked her if she felt alright, and what was going on, and she finally tells us that the girls at school (this is 1st grade), told her that if they eat, they'll all get really fat!!!! I was blown away! We told her that those girls don't know their facts and that you have to eat in order to be healthy.
My 14 year old neice once said to me that "Dairy is bad for you." What?? Is that what they're teaching kids in school these days?
There's so much contradictory advice out there now. So many different "diets" to choose from that claim to be *the* answer. And it's hard to fight the "common sense" that the less you eat, the more you'll lose weight.
We do what we can... try to educate people around us... teach our kids to eat healthy, clean foods, and to exercise. What more can we do?
did you think about maybe going up to the school and having a talk with the principal and maybe some guidance counselors? Maybe ya'll can organize some sort of health fair or something for the kids? showing them the rights and wrongs of just basic nutrition (doesnt have to be like the fitness stuff obviously cause thats a little extreme for a 7 yr old). I think it would be really great! maybe talk to some fellow moms and do it together? just an idea. because i gaurantee you, you're a lot more in tune with your daughter than a lot of parents and a lot of girls need to hear what you've told your daughter. Best of luck! keep us posted if you do anything?
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That is crazy. Up until I was like 13 I never once thought about my body or getting fat. I'm in so much shock that girls that age are talking about this!
Maybe you should talk to their teacher or something? The majority of people who have anorexia were suffering from it at a very young age, so these girls are very impressionable.
I'm surprised she wouldn't be influenced by yourself. You workout and eat well so I would have thought kids would copy their parents or whatever.
All very true...I'm still in shock, but I spoke with her again yesterday and my husband and I have decided to talk to her teacher and her P.E./Health teacher. Her P.E. teacher has spoken with the kids in the past about eating right, so I'm hoping that he'll jump on board and perhaps take a few classes to talk about eating right vs. not eating at all, and the impact it has on a growing body. My mother suggested that I show her pictures of what happens to a body that isn't properly nourished (i.e. pictures of somebody with anorexia), but I'm not so sure. She's very mature for her age, but I'm not sure she's mature enough to see that. Some of those pictures are very scary. I'm going to start with the teacher and possibly get the girls together. I am very involved with my daughter's daily life, such as what she watches on tv, (because even Disney channel has gotten iffy in some areas), but I just never imagined talking to her about this so young. It makes me sad that she's dealing with these types of things. You want to protect them, but it's getting harder and harder because almost anything goes in our society now. I told her that she only gets to be a kid once, and once it's gone, that's it....you can never go back. I think the best thing I can do, (besides answer questions and be there for her), is just to continue to show her what it means to live healthy and teach her how to make decisions. It took me a while to learn the difference between being strong and fit, rather than "skinny", and why being stronger is better. They say children learn through example, so I'm hoping that she'll see when I reach all my goals that maybe her mommy knows a little more than the girls at school.
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I just needed to say how great you (OP) are doing in taking a very positive proactive approach with this situation. As well as being involved in your daughter's life to be able to stop any kind of negative behaviour/thoughts towards her self-image and eating habits.
As parents we really do need to set the example.
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All very true...I'm still in shock, but I spoke with her again yesterday and my husband and I have decided to talk to her teacher and her P.E./Health teacher. Her P.E. teacher has spoken with the kids in the past about eating right, so I'm hoping that he'll jump on board and perhaps take a few classes to talk about eating right vs. not eating at all, and the impact it has on a growing body. My mother suggested that I show her pictures of what happens to a body that isn't properly nourished (i.e. pictures of somebody with anorexia), but I'm not so sure. She's very mature for her age, but I'm not sure she's mature enough to see that. Some of those pictures are very scary. I'm going to start with the teacher and possibly get the girls together. I am very involved with my daughter's daily life, such as what she watches on tv, (because even Disney channel has gotten iffy in some areas), but I just never imagined talking to her about this so young. It makes me sad that she's dealing with these types of things. You want to protect them, but it's getting harder and harder because almost anything goes in our society now. I told her that she only gets to be a kid once, and once it's gone, that's it....you can never go back. I think the best thing I can do, (besides answer questions and be there for her), is just to continue to show her what it means to live healthy and teach her how to make decisions. It took me a while to learn the difference between being strong and fit, rather than "skinny", and why being stronger is better. They say children learn through example, so I'm hoping that she'll see when I reach all my goals that maybe her mommy knows a little more than the girls at school.
This is a great approach and it's very refreshing to see a parent take an active role in teaching this at an early age! It seems that a lot of people shrug it off as "eh, she's a child, she'll learn", but you are teaching by example, and IMO, that is what gets imprinted the most.
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that is horrible, and thats also my worst fear.. that my kids will grow up too fast when i do have them because of technology and society today. Hmm and maybe thats why girls are getting so many eating disorders at a younger age! Errr!! Good luck though!
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Thank you all so much for your encouragement. I posted it because I knew I would get some great support/advice here. So thanks! The upside to this is that she's starting to talk about some other things the "girls" are saying. Unfortunately, kids are growing up WAYYY too fast now...my daughter is always telling me that "so and so" has a boyfriend, (as if they even know what it really means to have a boyfriend at that age), and like I said before, I wish I could slow it down, but unfortunately our society supports young girls wearing make-up and tiny clothes....and then people are blown away when we have young teens that are having children or getting addicted to drugs and alcohol. ***...! All I can do is hope and pray that my husband and I give her enough guidance to get her through because she truly is a spectacular little person! (Sorry, proud mama moment! )!!
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"Well done is better than well said"- Benjamin Franklin
Oh wow and holy ****, you always hear of this but you never think it's going to happen to you.
I would be just as scared. The most important thing you can do now is keep reinforcing healthy eating habits into her.
You were very right to tell her that eating is important for staying healthy.
I know she's young but how much activity is she getting? Perhaps explaining to her that staying active as well as having a balanced diet is all she needs.
Also she's too young to be worrying about such nonsense.
If I were you I'd be phoning the parents and letting them know what their daughters are talking about in school so they too can address the situation.
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I was skinny as a little kid but it wasn't because of any diet or wanting to be thin. I was just a picky eater.
My mother worried about me a bit, but what eventually got me out of it was being active _every day_ and acquiring a taste for new foods.
I never heard of anorexia when I was little, but I was a regular newspaper reader, and I think I saw a picture of a starving person one time or the other.
I agree it would be good to talk to her PE or recess teacher and make sure that she's running around and being active every day. This will cause her to have an appetite for good food.
Does she live close enough to school on safe streets that she could possibly walk to school, or could walk to school along with an adult? I know that's not possible in many cases, but it might work if the school is just a couple blocks away from home in a safe neighborhood.
I think the first time I was exposed to the concept of dieting was from the neighbors, who were a lot more fashion conscious than our family. I was maybe 10 or 11 or so. I was thin then, so the concept went in one ear and out the other.
I agree she's much too young to think she will get fat by eating.
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Im not a female, I just saw this thread though, I think thats really sad.
Let me tell you what I think,
Girl A ~ Probably one of the girls older sisters tells Girl A which is in your daughters class, then thats how it spreads. You should find the root source of this, and probably speak to the girls parents which will probably speak to their older daughter.
This is a video I posted in the Misc a bit back,
Look at how brainwashed that girl is.
Wow, I literally started crying when I saw this..
As for the OP it would be really cool as another suggested about having a mini program that talks about eating properly vs not at all. Maybe you can show her some fitness models and explain how they eat plenty just foods that are good for you etc - So you don't have to show her anorexia. I'm unsure to how your daughter would react, if it would be too much for her but as you said many children are growing up so much faster than they used to.. they get to information much easier I think now with tv, computers and socially as well. I'm betting it wouldn't be too much/too scary. Specially if she's starting to go down such a path/way of thought it may be good to show her how she may end up if she gets caught up in it?
She's f**king stupid. Water getting absorbed into her from the shower? Toothpaste having calories?
Stupid c**t.
F**K!
Please mind your language and refrain from such comments in the future. There are members on this board who are young, and there are also members of the board who suffer from similar illness as this young woman. Although you don't have to 'accept' it - try to be a little more 'polite'.
Thank you for understanding,
Mod team.
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All very true...I'm still in shock, but I spoke with her again yesterday and my husband and I have decided to talk to her teacher and her P.E./Health teacher. Her P.E. teacher has spoken with the kids in the past about eating right, so I'm hoping that he'll jump on board and perhaps take a few classes to talk about eating right vs. not eating at all, and the impact it has on a growing body. My mother suggested that I show her pictures of what happens to a body that isn't properly nourished (i.e. pictures of somebody with anorexia), but I'm not so sure. She's very mature for her age, but I'm not sure she's mature enough to see that. Some of those pictures are very scary. I'm going to start with the teacher and possibly get the girls together. I am very involved with my daughter's daily life, such as what she watches on tv, (because even Disney channel has gotten iffy in some areas), but I just never imagined talking to her about this so young. It makes me sad that she's dealing with these types of things. You want to protect them, but it's getting harder and harder because almost anything goes in our society now. I told her that she only gets to be a kid once, and once it's gone, that's it....you can never go back. I think the best thing I can do, (besides answer questions and be there for her), is just to continue to show her what it means to live healthy and teach her how to make decisions. It took me a while to learn the difference between being strong and fit, rather than "skinny", and why being stronger is better. They say children learn through example, so I'm hoping that she'll see when I reach all my goals that maybe her mommy knows a little more than the girls at school.
I think that going to talk to her PE teacher is a great idea. I think also having some knowledge about what kinds of classes may be given would help because that way you could encourage the same things at home. If she hears it more than once- over and over it will stick. Kids are just like us, the more we hear it the more we understand! I'm not at all shocked that it happened. When my daughter attended Kindergarten, it was one crazy thing like this after another- and they were all 5 years old. Someone else mentioned boyfriends- omgosh! THAT starts young too. Luckily just like yours my daughter is pretty mature for 6 (we all say that don't we..lol, but she really is) and has grown to trust us and open up to us about things that may concern her... but it's taken awhile to get to this point.
For instance here at home she sees that her dad and I eat slightly different from what she and her brother eat. She also knows that we are on a different type of "diet" than they are. Everyone is on some kind of "diet" no matter what they eat. They have no idea that we are trying to cut. They both eat healthy and the only real differences is that when Mommy makes whole wheat pasta-- The kids get it but not mommy and daddy. Same with bread. We are trying to get them to understand why certain foods are good for you and others aren't. For them it's as simple as starting with an Orange- and Vitamin C. Apples right now are for teeth pulling and loosening..lol! She made that one up herself. She knows that meat has the protein we need... etc, and we jokingly quiz them at the dinner table at night. It's fun to see what things our 3 year old comes up with. This salmon gives me the energy to ride my bike faster..lol! Whatever works right! They have learned to link foods to things they do and wanting to grow big and tall like mommy!
I think it sounds like your doing a great job- and getting and staying involved is key! I am the same as you. I am so picky about television. I was letting them watch Tom and Jerry (I love T &J) the other day. The channel that comes on though is different from say Noggin or Disney. It has commercials. My daughter later that day saw me putting some Stevia in my coffee and she said "Mommy, can I have some of that in my water"... I said ''Whyyyy???" She said "because the TV said that SPLENDA (she thought it was splenda) is good for you and tastes great even in your water!" Hahaha... We had a little chat... I mean really a Splenda ad on a Kids Channel!!!! and now when T &J comes on they have to either push guide to cover up commercials or change the channel till it comes back on... and that's the ONLY show on that channel they are allowed. Since I homeschool they only get the very early morning stuff before school and after school there is no more TV... for you it's harder because she gets stuck with all those after school shows!!!
I was tormented in school and by a neighbor friend for my weight all through my developmental years. I wasn't obese, but I was thick. It was torture - she'd make me stand in front of the mirror next to her and she'd point out the differences in our thighs...she'd make me weigh myself and then she'd weigh herself and there was a 7# difference. She made me feel like a freak! I didn't have a good enough self esteem to tell her to take a hike. I wanted her to like me, and I thought that meant losing weight.
Yep, I developed bulimia pretty early in life.
It's so good that you are being as proactive as you are. Had I had a mother to nurture me through those times, I might not be where I am today. These kids need an advocate for the truth. They have too much to process at such young ages these days. Good for you for taking a stand.
I think that going to talk to her PE teacher is a great idea. I think also having some knowledge about what kinds of classes may be given would help because that way you could encourage the same things at home. If she hears it more than once- over and over it will stick. Kids are just like us, the more we hear it the more we understand! I'm not at all shocked that it happened. When my daughter attended Kindergarten, it was one crazy thing like this after another- and they were all 5 years old. Someone else mentioned boyfriends- omgosh! THAT starts young too. Luckily just like yours my daughter is pretty mature for 6 (we all say that don't we..lol, but she really is) and has grown to trust us and open up to us about things that may concern her... but it's taken awhile to get to this point.
For instance here at home she sees that her dad and I eat slightly different from what she and her brother eat. She also knows that we are on a different type of "diet" than they are. Everyone is on some kind of "diet" no matter what they eat. They have no idea that we are trying to cut. They both eat healthy and the only real differences is that when Mommy makes whole wheat pasta-- The kids get it but not mommy and daddy. Same with bread. We are trying to get them to understand why certain foods are good for you and others aren't. For them it's as simple as starting with an Orange- and Vitamin C. Apples right now are for teeth pulling and loosening..lol! She made that one up herself. She knows that meat has the protein we need... etc, and we jokingly quiz them at the dinner table at night. It's fun to see what things our 3 year old comes up with. This salmon gives me the energy to ride my bike faster..lol! Whatever works right! They have learned to link foods to things they do and wanting to grow big and tall like mommy!
I think it sounds like your doing a great job- and getting and staying involved is key! I am the same as you. I am so picky about television. I was letting them watch Tom and Jerry (I love T &J) the other day. The channel that comes on though is different from say Noggin or Disney. It has commercials. My daughter later that day saw me putting some Stevia in my coffee and she said "Mommy, can I have some of that in my water"... I said ''Whyyyy???" She said "because the TV said that SPLENDA (she thought it was splenda) is good for you and tastes great even in your water!" Hahaha... We had a little chat... I mean really a Splenda ad on a Kids Channel!!!! and now when T &J comes on they have to either push guide to cover up commercials or change the channel till it comes back on... and that's the ONLY show on that channel they are allowed. Since I homeschool they only get the very early morning stuff before school and after school there is no more TV... for you it's harder because she gets stuck with all those after school shows!!!
I also do that with my son! He knows that he needs to eat his veggies, meat and fruits so that he can be strong and have big muscles like mommy! That's definitely key for them to associate food with how their body needs the energy. I really do hope that my son grows up knowing that he can come to me with whatever is bothering him.
It's nice to know that there ARE still parents out there that continue to be involved in their childrens' lives. My parents were, and I think that made a huge difference in how I turned out as an adult.
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I'm going to try and remember all the things I wanted to respond to because I don't know how to do multiple quotes...lol....computers....probably another thing my daughter will be passing me up on soon! I actually saw an article in SHAPE, (I think), that had the story of a mom that started running with her kids in the afternoons. I've been considering doing this with her, especially now that we're having such nice weather. I think it would be a great way to teach her about fitness, and it will hopefully keep the lines of communication open with her, (kind of like, "my time with mommy"). It would be something we could do together, and hopefully in the teenage years, she'll look forward to that time where it's just me and her doing something healthy together, where she knows she'll have my undivided attention if she needs to talk. She's a very active child (I know some of you asked that) already. She did soccer before we moved, and is interested in Dance or gymnastics now. And of course she burns plenty of energy running after her brother and driving me up the wall... (can we all say "no running in the house" for the 1000th time?). Lol. I think showing her pictures of fitness models is a great idea, (thanks for those that suggested it!). I think that might help. And I think I know what channel you're talking about...the cartoon network? I'm the same way....there are some BAD shows on that channel! And it's all over the tv! Like you said, even some of the commercials are bad! Whenever there's some one kissing on tv, (and yes...teenagers on the Disney Channel kiss now), my daughter gets this little smile and looks at me to see if I'm going to change the channel, haha! The stuff your not allowed to do always seems so much more interesting doesn't it? Haha!
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first of congrats on being a beautiful person. you have handled this sticky situation with a great head and you should feel proud of yourself for being a great mom. keeping your daughter active will in turn keep her from most of mainstream society and their obession with "the perfect body". at that young of an age her friends influence her but nothing is more influential then the words from mom and dad. you are her rock and one source to tell all of her secrets - as much as a 7 yr old would have. my little sis is 7 now and i don't know what i would say to her if she came to me and said what your daughter did. keep up the valiant work and taking charge in her life. she will thank you later.
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I am astounded. Although this could be an excellent opportunity to introduce you daughter to weights and nutrition, it could also be further damaging if you introduce her, it might seem like mom's agreeing with daughters peers telling your daughter she DOES have a weight problem.
I'm an avid fitness person, but for myself not to look good but how it helps my life (being a chemist biochemist through college it's helped me 'cope' with stress!).
I think more important than getting your daughter introduced to nutrition, fitness, and giving her education on the problem you should do something else first.
Explain no one should love her just for her body. I know it might seem unbelievable but I have no care in the world what my girlfriend looks like (not currently in a relationship...maybe I problems with being too independent as I'm told, but thats another story). A person should look at your daughter's heart and mind before her body, make her understand that.
As it gets more important as she gets older with body image and boys, explain to her physical isn't ONLY what boys want and if it is, its the wrong boy (might not be the time for this now at the age of 7?). Physical appearance for me is an extremely distant second. Had that, been there, got bored. Fast.
Honestly it helps if you are a christian, that you see others as a brother or sister in christ, it makes physical appearances become so much more insignificant, but I do not know if you are religious people. I would teach your daughter before bodybuilding or fitness or nutrition (although these are important! taking care of your body helps you in all ways which helps you help others in your daily life with extra energy and the such!) teach her than people should love her for HER, at least that YOU always will (I'm sure you do, but if I had a daughter today, with advertising and drugs out there I couldn't say it enough!). Teaching her may take years, she may not understand until shes 25-30-35, but when she does she will silently thank you. Start trying to convey that now as much as possible! It's not bad for people to kiss on the disney channel...if they love each other. If they don't theres going to be problems (we all have stories about that too I'm sure.)
I think there are serious problems in the way people are judged today by looks and appearances solely, but through educating your children that OTHER things matter more, it's possible to raise them with shielding from the inundations of the world today. I'm a good example, or so I like to think.
Most guys I know that are worth two ****s (I don't mind when these guys date my female cousins...) are guys who care more about mental things anyways, humor, intelligence, work, education etc...
I don't swing that way, but if I had to say, those guys concerned with that stuff, are probably better catches anyways than the other type of guys (know those too) who, are for lack of a better descriptor, trash.
While I don't totally care about appearance in girls I like, I think a healthy body is better than an anorexic one by miles!!! It's an added bonus if they work out (and can lift with me!). 99% of guys like a girl when they DON'T see bones on her too, not excessively chubby, but not starved. Lets be honest, most guys (me too...I'm just more...controlled I guess?) after a few beers, once your in college, don't care what a girl looks like as long as its a girl anyways .
If you slowly start to teach your daughter about bodybuilding and nutrition (which I think is key, but you need to become a guru yourself first!) it might help her understand calories are wonderful! They build muscle! Personally, I have eaten sometimes 7000 calories a day depending on what I'm trying to accomplish! The most important part is understanding metabolism and how it will affect you! After all, the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn sitting still! It's basal metabolic rate, and the biochemist in everyone already knows that!
That's part of the reason I'm a biochemist now (in 2 months...!). It's like someone with agoraphobia who won't leave their house. Sure it's dangerous, but there are wonderful things and experiences outside if you take the proper precautions and obtain sufficient education! Not eating altogether is like agoraphobia in that sense, but it's MUCH more rewarding to not stay in the house your whole life!!! At least...I'm assuming. LOL.
Explain no one should love her just for her body. I know it might seem unbelievable but I have no care in the world what my girlfriend looks like (not currently in a relationship...maybe I problems with being too independent as I'm told, but thats another story). A person should look at your daughter's heart and mind before her body, make her understand that.
.
First, thank you for your informative post! I completely agree, and this is something I guess I hadn't mentioned as I was focusing on handling the situation at hand. She and I have discussed body image before. As I said, she's pretty mature, and I've always talked openly with her about things such as this. For example, she asked me one night while I was making dinner what I would want her future husband to be like....after almost dropping the utensil i was holding, lol, I explained to her that as long as he loved her for who she is and treated her nicely, that's all that would matter to me. We've had a few such conversations and every time I tell her something along those lines. This has been something I've done since she was old enough to talk because people tell her all the time how beautiful she is, and so I have always made sure that I let her know that, yes, she is beautiful, but she's SO much more than that...she's smart and funny and she has a big heart full of compassion and love, and those are the reasons that I love her so much. I've explained that there's nothing wrong with caring that you look presentable, but you should be more concerned with the way you treat other people. In fact, we had that conversation a few weeks ago. She told me about a little girl that her friends didn't want to play with, (girls at this age can be SO cruel). I asked her how she would feel if she was the one being excluded, and she said she would feel sad. So I asked her what she thought she should do the next time her friends are excluding this girl, and she said, after a moment of thought, "ask her to play....but what if my friends won't like me anymore?", and I responded, "are those really the types of friends you want to play with?". We have these types of conversations all the time because she's been the one excluded sometimes as well, and she's been hurt by that too. We do happen to be christians and we include that in our discussions as well. Especially when it comes to how she behaves with her friends and how her behavior towards other people reflects the type of person she is on the inside. Thanks so much for your advice....all of you! Wonderful, wonderful people on this board, and truly a big help!
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first of congrats on being a beautiful person. you have handled this sticky situation with a great head and you should feel proud of yourself for being a great mom. .
OH! I also wanted to tell you thank you for that. I think every mom needs to hear that every once in a while! It's the toughest job I've ever had, but it's the most rewarding! I think any parent would agree! And since you have a little sister, you have a special opportunity to help her and guide her. I didn't have any sisters, but I know how much a little girl can look up to her big sister. Take care!
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Going to earn the "Little Black Dress" 9 week challenge
Goal Date: June 13th, 2009
"I like to move it, move it....!!!"
"Well done is better than well said"- Benjamin Franklin
i was a healthy weight until 5/6th grade but the kids said i wa fat...everyone said eveyrone was fat and i started spiraling..i was fat..i aws anorexic and unhealthy...up and down myentire life and it jacked up my metabolism.
Scary "mom" moment
I mean really a Splenda ad on a Kids Channel!!!! and now when T &J comes on they have to either push guide to cover up commercials or change the channel till it comes back on... and that's the ONLY show on that channel they are allowed. Since I homeschool they only get the very early morning stuff before school and after school there is no more TV... for you it's harder because she gets stuck with all those after school shows!!!
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Linear Mode
