Need some feedback

[dark_man812]

OK...so some of you guys may know that I dabble in music and poetry. I recorded a new piece a couple of weeks ago that's getting a little underground buzz here in Atlanta. A local DJ is trying to get with some radio station program directors and give it some airplay. So far, the main roadblock is that the song contains a relevant message--something that's frowned upon in the urban market. I really don't care either way, because this is just an outlet for me. I do it because I can.

Anyway, I need some feedback. Let me know what you think. It's called "From the Horse's Mouth."

Horse_s Mouth.mp3 - 3.52MB

[Illadelphia]

I will give it a listen soon...


You get those samples yet?

[joakman]

Listening now


Digging the lyrics and the change of pace in music at ~40 seconds.. Good stuff as always darkman

[SHOWTIME]

To the top, you know my thoughts on this already.

[dark_man812]

Originally Posted by Illadelphia

I will give it a listen soon...


You get those samples yet?

Nah...don't have them yet. You know how the postal service is during the holidays.

[dark_man812]

Originally Posted by joakman

Listening now


Digging the lyrics and the change of pace in music at ~40 seconds.. Good stuff as always darkman

Originally Posted by SHOWTIME

To the top, you know my thoughts on this already.

Thanks fellas

[dark_man812]

Bump

[RippedFibers]

Originally Posted by joakman

Listening now


Digging the lyrics and the change of pace in music at ~40 seconds.. Good stuff as always darkman

x2. That was extremely smooth. Baseline throughout is great.

I think this was great, I prefer this kind compared to new crap.

Here is my (constructive) criticism...

Some of the lyrics didn't seem to flow, especially when the delay/echo was added. For example, 1:25-1:35. In 2:30 and such it's good though. Maybe listen to it without the effects and see if it goes better.

3:15-3:20 IMO should be cleaned up a bit.

I was going to say something about the piano the first time through, about how it subtracted from the lyrics and was distracting, but after a few more listens I thought it added more to it.

Thanks really all I can say that wasn't great. Thanks for posting this up and I'm gonna download it for my pod!!!! 9.5/10

[moboucher]

thats good shyt brah , but you should really have to work on ya flow and ya rhymes. the wordplay was good . but still couldve been better .
the voice dubs were not at all syncronized at a lot of places .
i see a lot of scope for improvement man .good job tho .
y dont u have alook at my work and drop comments here ??
www.myspace.com/moboucher

[Illadelphia]

Originally Posted by moboucher

thats good shyt brah , but you should really have to work on ya flow and ya rhymes. the wordplay was good . but still couldve been better .
the voice dubs were not at all syncronized at a lot of places .
i see a lot of scope for improvement man .good job tho .
y dont u have alook at my work and drop comments here ??
www.myspace.com/moboucher

*edit*
just listened

Yo you suck bro.....


Fuking kindergarden music....


How dare you tell a REAL LYRICIST he needs improvement...


I wouldn't use your cd to break up buds on....

[TNote]

So far I've liked everything I've heard from you. The lyrics were smooth throughout and really set the tone. Where can I find all of your work? I know you've posted it before, but I can't find it.

And moboucher please do yourself a favor and don't even try to compare yourself with him.

[Yates Row T]

Originally Posted by moboucher

thats good shyt brah , but you should really have to work on ya flow and ya rhymes. the wordplay was good . but still couldve been better .
the voice dubs were not at all syncronized at a lot of places .
i see a lot of scope for improvement man .good job tho .
y dont u have alook at my work and drop comments here ??
www.myspace.com/moboucher

my man will murk u

Originally Posted by dark_man812

OK...so some of you guys may know that I dabble in music and poetry. I recorded a new piece a couple of weeks ago that's getting a little underground buzz here in Atlanta. A local DJ is trying to get with some radio station program directors and give it some airplay. So far, the main roadblock is that the song contains a relevant message--something that's frowned upon in the urban market. I really don't care either way, because this is just an outlet for me. I do it because I can.

Anyway, I need some feedback. Let me know what you think. It's called "From the Horse's Mouth."

Horse_s Mouth.mp3 - 3.52MB

decent lyrics flow needs work

[soundcheck129]

I really like it man, you've definitely got talent and I love the message and intelligent lyrics. The GET US FREE, INDUSTRY, SWING FROM TREES thing is really cool.

My only suggestions - maybe add a hook/chorus (you could probably use the "truth hurts, but lies kill so let's kill the lies" part) and maybe work on the background music a bit.

Otherwise, very well done, as with your other stuff.

[dark_man812]

Originally Posted by moboucher

thats good shyt brah , but you should really have to work on ya flow and ya rhymes. the wordplay was good . but still couldve been better .
the voice dubs were not at all syncronized at a lot of places .
i see a lot of scope for improvement man .good job tho .
y dont u have alook at my work and drop comments here ??
www.myspace.com/moboucher

Originally Posted by Yates Row T

my man will murk u



decent lyrics flow needs work

It's not a rap song; It's a spoken word piece, meaning not everything is gonna rhyme and the cadence will not always match the music, but I do appreciate the feedback though.

[dark_man812]

Originally Posted by TNote

So far I've liked everything I've heard from you. The lyrics were smooth throughout and really set the tone. Where can I find all of your work? I know you've posted it before, but I can't find it.

www.soundclick.com/darkpoet404

[dark_man812]

A few people asked whether or not I had the instrumental, so here it is...

Horse_s Mouth _Instr._.mp3 - 3.48MB