ALCOHOLICS: RECOVERY & FITNESS (Serious Only Please)

[raynerd]

It does suck, but I deserve it. I knew when I left I was making a bad choice. I felt several times through the night that I was going to jail before it was over. And I made the choice to indulge my lustful desires. I cannot delay gratification. I know what to do. I just blatantly choose to do the opposite and then whine about it later. How stupid is that? I almost chuckle to myself over the stupidity of it. SO easy to see yet so hard to accomplish. I am a smart person. Grades came easy to me and there has been very few things in life I could not accomplish with books and internet and hands on attempt. So why does this make me look the fool time and time again? LOL just LOL at all of it. Ridiculous.

I still vow I will win or die trying. I will hold up in my little shack and make a stand against the evil that is in my head. Like a good movie the star will win or go down in epic battle.

Unfortunately something much worse looks like it is going to have to happen to you. You have had some pretty terrible stories in here, yet nothing hits home. You keep talking about change, but you never change anything. I am a smart guy too, a degree, a diploma, many achievements, in all honesty, that was my worst fault when it came to beating this disease. Give in, go to AA, find a sponsor. Let go of everything you think you know, you know jack when it comes to this disease. It beats you every single time. If you killed someone on the road would that be enough?

[tandpr]

Unfortunately something much worse looks like it is going to have to happen to you. You have had some pretty terrible stories in here, yet nothing hits home. You keep talking about change, but you never change anything. I am a smart guy too, a degree, a diploma, many achievements, in all honesty, that was my worst fault when it came to beating this disease. Give in, go to AA, find a sponsor. Let go of everything you think you know, you know jack when it comes to this disease. It beats you every single time. If you killed someone on the road would that be enough?

Hurting someone else is one of my biggest fears and something that nearly makes me sick to think of when sober. But if I let myself get to drinking I am just so certain that everything will be OK. I always think I can be careful. That nothing will happen. I know sober that I am only blessed that I have not hurt anyone.

I know I come in here and talk about change and you say I never change anything. I am not being defensive here, but who ever made it on there first try? When someone is finally there, they have stories of how many times they tried and went back and struggles. I just made it through a pretty good weekend of staying home. Having no "fun" and was in a better mood Sunday and Monday morning than I have been in a long time. Huge step? No. Not by far. Different than coming to in jail on Sunday and missing work Monday to talk to lawyers????? Yep.

[Rajon25]

I'm 22 and I'm not an alcoholic but until this week I was drinking at least twice a week. I have a history of alcoholism in my family and if I didn't change I know I'd become totally dependent on alcohol. I'm now 5 days off cigarettes and only drinking small amounts of craft beer. I'm the kind of person who just can't stop drinking once I've started. In my case beer isn't the issue, its my drinking habit. I used to buy 8 cans of cheap beer in the aim of getting drunk but now I decided to drink maximum 3 bottles of craft beer. I'm learning to savor the taste of good beer instead of drinking ****ty beer just to get drunk. Before this week I could never drink without smoking but now I don't even want a cigarette. Running helps

If you think you have a problem you probably do.

[raynerd]

Hurting someone else is one of my biggest fears and something that nearly makes me sick to think of when sober. But if I let myself get to drinking I am just so certain that everything will be OK. I always think I can be careful. That nothing will happen. I know sober that I am only blessed that I have not hurt anyone.

I know I come in here and talk about change and you say I never change anything. I am not being defensive here, but who ever made it on there first try? When someone is finally there, they have stories of how many times they tried and went back and struggles. I just made it through a pretty good weekend of staying home. Having no "fun" and was in a better mood Sunday and Monday morning than I have been in a long time. Huge step? No. Not by far. Different than coming to in jail on Sunday and missing work Monday to talk to lawyers????? Yep.

I don't doubt you are a really good person inside. Most of us have really big hearts and are kind people. This is why it hurts us so bad when our drinking problem hurts others. In fact most of us in a sober state would put our own lives at stake for others. I commend you on a good weekend.
I will be the first to admit that I had tried thousands of times to quit. I have stories that will bring me to tears just thinking about them.
I guess my point is, the one and only thing that worked, was AA, a sponsor and working the steps to the best of my ability. It's hard to believe, but sobriety of mind and spirit has given me and millions of others true, genuine happiness for the first time in our lives.

I am not a preacher, you have to come to these realizations yourself. I just think if you put an all out effort into AA for say 3 months and stayed sober during this period, your life could change for the better. I really hope you find your path, and I really hope nothing terrible happens in the mean time.

[JonSupps]

There are a lot of strong feelings associated with getting through this life and its challenges. I think maybe there are different things that work for different people in different ways. One thing I am relatively certain of is that the people in this thread give there advice and experience and thoughts because they honestly care about people. That is a very admirable trait for a person to possess. I am thankful for everyone's time to post and the words they say, harsh or not, because it is all just a little part of me being a responsible productive adult. And that is something I long for and very much need to be. One day it will be my turn to give back and I hope like heck I am man enough to do it.

Tomorrow morning is another step towards putting this behind me (court date) and as nervous as I am, I am so ready to take that step and start working toward the next.

Random thoughts. Carry on and good luck to all.

I could not put this into better wording. How did your thing at court went?

[tandpr]

Reply to JohnSupps question. hit wrong quote button.

Looks as if I will not do time in DUI state. Probation. Alcohol assessment. VIP panel. And of course plenty of money. In my home state, I have yet to hear from county attorney. Hoping for no jail time here either, but only time will tell. Driver license is a hearing of its own and I have not heard from them yet. Likely lose it for a while. But I can deal with that. I just can't afford to spend time in jail. For one I will go crazy and for 2 my 2 jobs and families need me.

[LadyLore420]

Picked up 18 months last week. It hasn't been easy, and everyday has been a struggle for a long time now. After my hip injury everything just started falling apart, as if lifting was the only thing keeping me sane. I quit lifting in October because the hip pain and since then it's all fallen apart.

Fed up my emotions and depression, all of it, I started using again the day after I got my 18 months. I shouldn't have expected anything to be different, and in reality I still face all the same desperate conclusions about life in general, but at least now the pain of it isn't constantly weighing me down.

The worst part is all my friends were in NA. Now I have nobody to really talk to.

I get it, I'm a failure at everything. I can't figure out a happy life like so many other people do. At least I can choose to step away from it for a while, indefinitely, until the pain fades away. There's a sort of agonizing wisdom in sticking to clean life, day after day, when the pain is constantly threatening to swallow your soul. It's a cruel way to live, baring your flesh before the storm. It's nice to be inside again.

[tandpr]

Picked up 18 months last week. It hasn't been easy, and everyday has been a struggle for a long time now. After my hip injury everything just started falling apart, as if lifting was the only thing keeping me sane. I quit lifting in October because the hip pain and since then it's all fallen apart.

Fed up my emotions and depression, all of it, I started using again the day after I got my 18 months. I shouldn't have expected anything to be different, and in reality I still face all the same desperate conclusions about life in general, but at least now the pain of it isn't constantly weighing me down.

The worst part is all my friends were in NA. Now I have nobody to really talk to.

I get it, I'm a failure at everything. I can't figure out a happy life like so many other people do. At least I can choose to step away from it for a while, indefinitely, until the pain fades away. There's a sort of agonizing wisdom in sticking to clean life, day after day, when the pain is constantly threatening to swallow your soul. It's a cruel way to live, baring your flesh before the storm. It's nice to be inside again.

Can't tell for sure from that if you are currently using or not. But I just feel like I need to say, don't give up. I am no one to give advice and I know very little of your pain/situation. I do know however the feeling of fed up. I know the temporary piece that giving up brings. BUt if you are not a complete piece of sh*t of a person (and from what I have read you are not) the piece is just that, TEMPORARY. YOu will again long to be better and the longer you spend in the "f*ck it" state, the deeper you get and thus farther you have to climb back out. We are all pulling for you. I sincerely wish you the best of luck and send you any bit of "telepathic" (for lack of a better term to express my thought) strength I have. I happen to know someone in Colorado springs that talks with and trys to help struggling people. She talks with usesrs and gang memebers and genuinely cares for them as people. There are people out there that care and I hope like heck you find one.

[StAFl]

I wish you the best Lady Lore. I hope you can work things out.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

Picked up 18 months last week. It hasn't been easy, and everyday has been a struggle for a long time now. After my hip injury everything just started falling apart, as if lifting was the only thing keeping me sane. I quit lifting in October because the hip pain and since then it's all fallen apart.

Fed up my emotions and depression, all of it, I started using again the day after I got my 18 months. I shouldn't have expected anything to be different, and in reality I still face all the same desperate conclusions about life in general, but at least now the pain of it isn't constantly weighing me down.

The worst part is all my friends were in NA. Now I have nobody to really talk to.

I get it, I'm a failure at everything. I can't figure out a happy life like so many other people do. At least I can choose to step away from it for a while, indefinitely, until the pain fades away. There's a sort of agonizing wisdom in sticking to clean life, day after day, when the pain is constantly threatening to swallow your soul. It's a cruel way to live, baring your flesh before the storm. It's nice to be inside again.

Failing is never trying again. I don't see that with you. GL Lady!

[tandpr]

One would think that a "support group" would be somewhere one could share anything they wished without fear of condemnation in the pursuit of improvement. I have been proven wrong on that several times. I wish you all the best. I will continue on alone.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

One would think that a "support group" would be somewhere one could share anything they wished without fear of condemnation in the pursuit of improvement. I have been proven wrong on that several times. I wish you all the best. I will continue on alone.

Support groups are not judgment free zones where we share everything. That is not their purpose, nor do they claim to be a place to share anything. Groups and meetings are where we share in a general way what it used to be like, what happened, and what it is like now. So new people know where to find us and hear that there is a solution. Not where we air our dirty laundry.

Sponsorship is the safe place to share anything so we can work on improving all aspects of our life. And even then you cannot expect a person not to judge. We are all humans.

Being judged (for something that society likely deems inappropriate) is a small price to pay to improve your life and stay sober.

[DadBod630]

I don't think I have what most would consider a "problem" - I wait until the kid is asleep and then I let loose. I think for the last couple of years I've been putting away between 6-8 beers a night and I think my waistline is suffering. I recently want to get in shape so I now wonder how to fix this. The idea of being sober scares the **** out of me, and I frankly don't want to face life or being a single dad sober, so I don't know. Will going to meetings and talking to others in similar situations help me shake the fear?

[Mark1T]

I don't think I have what most would consider a "problem" - I wait until the kid is asleep and then I let loose. I think for the last couple of years I've been putting away between 6-8 beers a night and I think my waistline is suffering. I recently want to get in shape so I now wonder how to fix this. The idea of being sober scares the **** out of me, and I frankly don't want to face life or being a single dad sober, so I don't know. Will going to meetings and talking to others in similar situations help me shake the fear?

You don't have a problem. You have many. I'll hope for the best for your kid because you are an abusive father.

[Mark1T]

Picked up 18 months last week. It hasn't been easy, and everyday has been a struggle for a long time now. After my hip injury everything just started falling apart, as if lifting was the only thing keeping me sane. I quit lifting in October because the hip pain and since then it's all fallen apart.

Fed up my emotions and depression, all of it, I started using again the day after I got my 18 months. I shouldn't have expected anything to be different, and in reality I still face all the same desperate conclusions about life in general, but at least now the pain of it isn't constantly weighing me down.

The worst part is all my friends were in NA. Now I have nobody to really talk to.

I get it, I'm a failure at everything. I can't figure out a happy life like so many other people do. At least I can choose to step away from it for a while, indefinitely, until the pain fades away. There's a sort of agonizing wisdom in sticking to clean life, day after day, when the pain is constantly threatening to swallow your soul. It's a cruel way to live, baring your flesh before the storm. It's nice to be inside again.

I happened to look in here. I am not an alcoholic and never have been, but saw your post. You are very intelligent and very pretty. You think so dark. If you don't have anyone to talk to, please find someone, even if it is a professional. A female professional who specializes in addiction. People here will listen to you, too. I know I will.

I am only writing this because I think you are worth it. Please take care of yourself.

[EjnarKolinkar]

I don't think I have what most would consider a "problem" - I wait until the kid is asleep and then I let loose. I think for the last couple of years I've been putting away between 6-8 beers a night and I think my waistline is suffering. I recently want to get in shape so I now wonder how to fix this. The idea of being sober scares the **** out of me, and I frankly don't want to face life or being a single dad sober, so I don't know. Will going to meetings and talking to others in similar situations help me shake the fear?

You probably don't lose anything giving it a try eh? I'm glad I did.

I can't figure out a happy life like so many other people do. At least I can choose to step away from it for a while, indefinitely, until the pain fades away. There's a sort of agonizing wisdom in sticking to clean life, day after day, when the pain is constantly threatening to swallow your soul. It's a cruel way to live, baring your flesh before the storm. It's nice to be inside again.

You made it further than me, I went out at a year the first two times. Main thing is not to stay out. Now it's so much better than I ever thought it would be. Rainbows don't shoot out my arse 24/7, but it got better. You can make it, anybody can. You should see all the people I have seen make it, and all the people they have seen make it.

[Gooseman21]

Swam, drove jet ski, ate lunch, and just in general thoroughly enjoyed today with my son and girlfriend at a local lake. No alcohol involved on our end, but many around us were just slamming beers/rum and whatever else. Alcohol is steadily losing its appeal to me, yet I reach for it prior to bed every night, that red wine. "Wine down". Most of a bottle, a bottle usually on weekend nights. Rarely more.

I've read so much inspiring stuff in this thread, so much wisdom regarding life in general. Seems as though drunks in recovery have experienced a certain taste of hell while in active addiction, so they appreciate the finer things of life, and practice a certain amount of humility. I sometimes wonder if most folks wouldn't benefit from a little sole searching through the steps of a.a., addict or not.

[BackwoodsGa]

Lost another friend over the weekend. At the tender age of 47 he drank himself to death. What's worse is I didn't know he was ill.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

Lost another friend over the weekend. At the tender age of 47 he drank himself to death. What's worse is I didn't know he was ill.

That's tough to hear.

[LadyLore420]

One would think that a "support group" would be somewhere one could share anything they wished without fear of condemnation in the pursuit of improvement. I have been proven wrong on that several times. I wish you all the best. I will continue on alone.

You don't have a problem. You have many. I'll hope for the best for your kid because you are an abusive father.

Hahaha that's where the lulz is.

[Rajon25]

Well this place got out of hand quickly. I'm gonna go dead lift. It's 5:15am. I can dead lift at this ridiculous hour because, in sobriety, I have found the mental strength to overcome my own BS. Happy Friday everyone!

[LadyLore420]

One would think that a "support group" would be somewhere one could share anything they wished without fear of condemnation in the pursuit of improvement. I have been proven wrong on that several times. I wish you all the best. I will continue on alone.

Well this place got out of hand quickly. I'm gonna go dead lift. It's 5:15am. I can dead lift at this ridiculous hour because, in sobriety, I have found the mental strength to overcome my own BS. Happy Friday everyone!

That's a great idea. I'm gonna get high and go deadlift as well.

[Rajon25]

That's a great idea. I'm gonna get high and go deadlift as well.

If I triggered you in any way I am deeply sorry. I encourage you to skip the high part and pick up heavy stuff until you can't walk anymore. Eat a giant meal and sleep off the urge.

[jayluk4600]

Anyways..
Haven't been here since forever.
15 yrs sober April 4th.

[TrapeziusMax]

Hang in there guys
I'm not 100% dry yet but seems like I will be

The booze has had me for 20 years but I seem to be past it since jan 16

[Rajon25]

Anyways..
Haven't been here since forever.
15 yrs sober April 4th.

Hang in there guys
I'm not 100% dry yet but seems like I will be

The booze has had me for 20 years but I seem to be past it since jan 16

Great job guys!

[BigDutchman]

I've been posting since 2006 but just found the Over 35 Misc Section - who knew? Anyway, haven't had a drink since Feb 2014. This is my second go at sobriety - I think it stuck this time though. Did the AA koolaid thing for a bit in early sobriety - it helped A LOT. Too much group-think for my liking, but it was a great place to start.

Anyway, good job everyone.

[EjnarKolinkar]

I've been posting since 2006 but just found the Over 35 Misc Section - who knew? Anyway, haven't had a drink since Feb 2014. This is my second go at sobriety - I think it stuck this time though. Did the AA koolaid thing for a bit in early sobriety - it helped A LOT. Too much group-think for my liking, but it was a great place to start.

Anyway, good job everyone.

Good to read you are doing well, congrats. Welcome to the forum.


Still sober myself and grateful today for it.

[LadyLore420]

it would be nice to quit
i constantly tell myself
but real life is ****

[Rajon25]

it would be nice to quit
i constantly tell myself
but real life is ****

Almost a Haiku - one too many syllables in the first line.