ALCOHOLICS: RECOVERY & FITNESS (Serious Only Please)

[raynerd]

Went to wall mart earlier. Hard to drive six sped with glass of Turkey. Anyone ever been asked to leave this thread? I bet I get there. I wear out my welcome everywhere I go lolo . Not gonna make it. Nope nope. When I got the turkey this morning I looked at my 357 mag. I thought......you know these two things proly have the same end result. One just faster. So why do I choose the slow painful way? Does not conpute

I agree with DNG, you are not going to be asked to leave this thread. You are not alone and not special in your struggles. Your story is always the same as was mine. Something big has to change when you are truly ready to give up this emotional self-hurt. I was older than you when I finally could not live with myself anymore and sought help. I pray for you my friend. Still here for PM's at anytime as well.

[rcott]

Day 4 here, giving this sober thing another go. While I may not be drinking beer, I can't stop drinking ****ing liquid. Litres of water plus cokes, gatorades. Just in the habit of guzzling I guess. Should I try to stop this?

Anyone here had any serious liver problems from their boozing? I've been starting to wonder if I've done myself any permanent damage.

I have to disagree with shark on this one.....Congrats on the 4 days, right now the most important thing for you to focus on is just not drinking. Your body is going to crave sweets for awhile as the alcohol has a pretty high sugar content. I wouldn't back off the coke and Gatorade for now if it is taking the edge off. Keep some sweets with you and use as needed. In the old days they used a lot of orange juice mixed with some Karo syrup.

Except in some rare cases the body and liver will repair itself back to normal function. Keep the faith and check back in.

[tandpr]

Nose bleeding. Shaking like an old woman. Sick. Head ache. So much self loathing. No mental focus. Still to scared to say day 1.

[tandpr]

I appreciate the open PM sentiments but there is just nothing to say. I went and talked to a guy last night. talked till I had nothing more to say. Fixed nothing. Helped only for a minute. There is just nothing anyone can say or do to help me when I refuse to stop poisoning myself. What everyone should be saying is GTFO your a self destructive idiot.

[HYMENATOR]

Nose bleeding. Shaking like an old woman. Sick. Head ache. So much self loathing. No mental focus. Still to scared to say day 1.

Try tapering down. 6 pack of beers tonight? Another couple of beers tomorrow. Then Day 1.

[tandpr]

Try tapering down. 6 pack of beers tonight? Another couple of beers tomorrow. Then Day 1.

Doesn't matter if its today or a wee from now. The thought of day1 and no more alcohol scares me. its like life as I know it will end and I am afraid to let some of it go.

[Blacksmith80]

Doesn't matter if its today or a wee from now. The thought of day1 and no more alcohol scares me. its like life as I know it will end and I am afraid to let some of it go.

Some people need to touch the bottom (i needed to touch it many times) before they feel ready to stop drinking.

[HYMENATOR]

Doesn't matter if its today or a wee from now. The thought of day1 and no more alcohol scares me. its like life as I know it will end and I am afraid to let some of it go.

So buy a 6pack EVERY night for the time being. Drink but keep it under control.

[tandpr]

So buy a 6pack EVERY night for the time being. Drink but keep it under control.

I have been trying. And alone that works out fine. But when I am with other people and they don't stop at 6 or what ever I won't either. I set myself a 12 pack and 2am rule and I can't even keep myself in those loose restrictions. Then I make pore decisions, feel like a huge piece of **** that doesn't deserve air, and so I drink to try to make that go away. Or at least numb it enough I don't shoot myself.

[tandpr]

Some people need to touch the bottom (i needed to touch it many times) before they feel ready to stop drinking.

I don't want to be anywhere near the bottom but I don't want to have to live without alcohol like some kind of damn kid or something. If some of my bad times weren't my bottom I can't imagine what bottom would be. I am sorry you had to deal with that FWIW

[Rajon25]

Some people need to touch the bottom (i needed to touch it many times) before they feel ready to stop drinking.

Death is bottom. Until you are dead there is always a lower bottom.

[Rajon25]

This is so true.

Today I stayed clean and sober with the help of my best friend, the barbell:
~snip~

Squats >> Drinking

Good form!

[Blacksmith80]

Death is bottom. Until you are dead there is always a lower bottom.

^^True, I was close to death at least two times.

[Rajon25]

^^True, I was close to death at least two times.

I hate to be a one-upper but I did die (I got better). It sucked. I would advise putting it off for as long as possible. :-)

That all said when people meet me know they see this confident, dependable, intelligent person. I get compliments. I laugh on the inside at what they might have thought of me if they met me 3 years ago.

[tandpr]

I hate to be a one-upper but I did die (I got better). It sucked. I would advise putting it off for as long as possible. :-)

That all said when people meet me know they see this confident, dependable, intelligent person. I get compliments. I laugh on the inside at what they might have thought of me if they met me 3 years ago.

I can't quit drinking because my family and friends won't like me anymore, but I drink until I do things that make them not like me. My eyes have been opening some to all the blatant ironic stupidity in my life.

Here is another. I am trying to buy antabuse online because I don't want to face my doctor. Here is the interesting part. I have stomach issues and get very sick after drinking. Some symptoms can last 3 days. IF I already get sick when I drink and it doesn't stop me, what is the point in spending money to get sick when I drink? I ALREADY DO!

[tandpr]

It all comes down to that part of me that still wants to drink. Even though a lot of me doesn't want to, the part that does is always going to keep me from quitting. Plain and simple. There is no point in trying or saying I am going to when I know it won't happen. It just won't.

[Rajon25]

I can't quit drinking because my family and friends won't like me anymore, but I drink until I do things that make them not like me. My eyes have been opening some to all the blatant ironic stupidity in my life.

Here is another. I am trying to buy antabuse online because I don't want to face my doctor. Here is the interesting part. I have stomach issues and get very sick after drinking. Some symptoms can last 3 days. IF I already get sick when I drink and it doesn't stop me, what is the point in spending money to get sick when I drink? I ALREADY DO!

This post is rife with circular alco-logic. "Noone will like me anymore" is idiotic and a weak excuse to continue destructive behavior. Either they will love and support you for trying to better yourself or they have drinking problems too and will be have they no longer have to share.

Why are you afraid of your doctor? Also weak. HIPAA prevents your doctor from ever spilling your secrets, it is their job to make you better, alcoholism is recognized as a physical and mental illness in the DSM V and is thus protected under the ADA. Stop trying to buy drug illegally on the internet and get a prescription for a residential rehab facility. Opiate withdrawal is horrendous but it won't kill you. Alcohol withdrawal can kill you. I was in for two weeks and saw one person die and another died a couple weeks after I got out. This is no joke. Get professional help. Stop posting cries for help on the internet and get to your doctor.

[Rajon25]

It all comes down to that part of me that still wants to drink. Even though a lot of me doesn't want to, the part that does is always going to keep me from quitting. Plain and simple.

This is a wonderfully succinct plain English definition of "addiction."

There is no point in trying or saying I am going to when I know it won't happen. It just won't.

Then why are you posting in here?

[tandpr]

This is a wonderfully succinct plain English definition of "addiction."



Then why are you posting in here?

I don't know. I don't know why I do anything. I started posting in here when I was dead sset on quitting. When I am hungover and depressed I want someone to talk to. Like I thihnk it will make me feel better or something I guess. I guess I am trying to figure out if I should quit? If I really want to quit? I really don't know. I just know I feel HORRIBLE about the "man" I am and feel stuck here. Like I can't change it. I know the whole powerless thing in AA but I still fail to believe that I am any "different", like chemically, than anyone else. I don't think I believe in alcoholics or alcoholism or what ever. I believe its more like ..... IDK. Like a skill. Some people have the skill or intelligence to handle alcohol. Some suck at it. I really have a hard time believing there is something that actually causes it.

[tandpr]

Research time. Gonna go look for studies on "alcoholic" brains or chemical composition.

[Rajon25]

I don't know. I don't know why I do anything. I started posting in here when I was dead sset on quitting. When I am hungover and depressed I want someone to talk to. Like I thihnk it will make me feel better or something I guess. I guess I am trying to figure out if I should quit? If I really want to quit? I really don't know. I just know I feel HORRIBLE about the "man" I am and feel stuck here. Like I can't change it. I know the whole powerless thing in AA but I still fail to believe that I am any "different", like chemically, than anyone else. I don't think I believe in alcoholics or alcoholism or what ever. I believe its more like ..... IDK. Like a skill. Some people have the skill or intelligence to handle alcohol. Some suck at it. I really have a hard time believing there is something that actually causes it.

Whether or not you believe alcoholism is a life-skill, chemical imbalance or whatever, by your own admission, alcohol is ruining your life. You can't change it if you are an alcoholic. You need help. Many of us here are in the maintenance stage, we make it seem easy and positive. You are in the midst of the disease, you need more help than posting in an internet forum can offer. Go to your doctor. Tell the truth. Stop giving us a play-by-play of your imminent demise. Dodge the demise, rise up, post your victories.

With that, I'm out. I have dominated the discussion thus far today.

[fingolfin34]

The dominant emotion that kept me under its fukking thumb while I was in active addiction was FEAR. It that simple. Fear of everything. Fear of nothing. Fear of being afraid. Fear of not being afraid and not having that fear as a guidepost.

The only thing that got stronger than my fear was HOPE. It took many years to get there, and quite the intervention, but I made it to my first meetings. Little by little, the seed of hope took hold. I listened to people who had obviously had harder lives than me. They had done worse STUFF than me. They had sunk lower than me. I realized that I didn't have it that bad...yet. I listened and realized that it was only a matter of time until I did GO THERE. I had a different kind of fear motivating me this time. It was fear of fukking up. It was actually a good thing, because it didn't last very long. When I put together a pattern of not fukking up, I started to not fear fukking up. Hope started to win. My focus became, "What can I do that is right?" Eventually it became something closer to, "God, do with me what you wish. Lead me to do good." I'm not perfect, by a long shot. I am still a flawed individual. But, the 12 steps have helped me realize that I am a person of worth. God has a plan for me, and for right now, that's good enough.

[fingolfin34]

Did I kill the thread? Hope not.

[lotusdeva]

Yesterday I almost relapsed. By the grace of God I didn't. My husband is an addict and he is destroying my life. Piece by piece I m losing my sanity. I am not a victim. I am smart, and pretty and kind and I am a good friend and partner. I have a good job, self sufficient and can make it on my own. This marriage will ruin my sobriety and there is nothing more precious to me. But my sponsor said that I m too early on to make these types of decisions. I have to listen to her because she made it through and that's what it's all about - surrendering and be willing to listen. I am willing, but man its hard to maintain myself when he is all f-p. Like a crocodile with these little pinned eyes. Anyway, thanks for letting me share!

[lotusdeva]

The dominant emotion that kept me under its fukking thumb while I was in active addiction was FEAR. It that simple. Fear of everything. Fear of nothing. Fear of being afraid. Fear of not being afraid and not having that fear as a guidepost.

The only thing that got stronger than my fear was HOPE. It took many years to get there, and quite the intervention, but I made it to my first meetings. Little by little, the seed of hope took hold. I listened to people who had obviously had harder lives than me. They had done worse STUFF than me. They had sunk lower than me. I realized that I didn't have it that bad...yet. I listened and realized that it was only a matter of time until I did GO THERE. I had a different kind of fear motivating me this time. It was fear of fukking up. It was actually a good thing, because it didn't last very long. When I put together a pattern of not fukking up, I started to not fear fukking up. Hope started to win. My focus became, "What can I do that is right?" Eventually it became something closer to, "God, do with me what you wish. Lead me to do good." I'm not perfect, by a long shot. I am still a flawed individual. But, the 12 steps have helped me realize that I am a person of worth. God has a plan for me, and for right now, that's good enough.

this is very inspiring, thank u for sharing!

[yaaar]

Yesterday I almost relapsed. By the grace of God I didn't. My husband is an addict and he is destroying my life. Piece by piece I m losing my sanity. I am not a victim. I am smart, and pretty and kind and I am a good friend and partner. I have a good job, self sufficient and can make it on my own. This marriage will ruin my sobriety and there is nothing more precious to me. But my sponsor said that I m too early on to make these types of decisions. I have to listen to her because she made it through and that's what it's all about - surrendering and be willing to listen. I am willing, but man its hard to maintain myself when he is all f-p. Like a crocodile with these little pinned eyes. Anyway, thanks for letting me share!

Well that sounds pretty terrible to have to deal with.

Glad that you're able to maintain, sounds like this is something that could cause you some real issues down the road. Stay strong.

[raynerd]

Yesterday I almost relapsed. By the grace of God I didn't. My husband is an addict and he is destroying my life. Piece by piece I m losing my sanity. I am not a victim. I am smart, and pretty and kind and I am a good friend and partner. I have a good job, self sufficient and can make it on my own. This marriage will ruin my sobriety and there is nothing more precious to me. But my sponsor said that I m too early on to make these types of decisions. I have to listen to her because she made it through and that's what it's all about - surrendering and be willing to listen. I am willing, but man its hard to maintain myself when he is all f-p. Like a crocodile with these little pinned eyes. Anyway, thanks for letting me share!

You passed a very difficult test. Congrats, that sounds like a very poisonous environment for you. I am not disagreeing with your sponsor, what I am saying is that you have to do whatever it takes to stay sober. This has to be all about you getting better first. You don't have to make any final decisions but if you feel safer in a different environment, make that happen. That is a pressure cooker for you and it is making this so much harder than it needs to be. I really wish you all the best.

[fingolfin34]

The Big Book tells us that its a lie if we tell ourselves we cannot survive without our current partner. Whether the partner is a help or a hindrance, we must learn to live OUR LIVES.

[LadyLore420]

Pretty aweful day. Went into a couple meetings, left early and really mad. I was gonna pick up my 9 months chip but they skipped right past the chips. Done with AA, my sponsor is telling me to just stick with NA. -shrug-

Lots of yucky things happening today. Get home, eat some ice cream, relax, and suddenly get an onslaught of negs because this dude spamming my youtube channel with hateful comments suddenly starts whining about me negging him. Like, wtf? http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...990251&page=15

Starting to think this site might not be the best for me to stay clean. Takes up too much time, and brings a lot of negativity in, but the people who I keep up with and associate with from here are really inspiring and motivating too. There's just a bunch of douchebags that hate to see a woman advocate for herself.

Should I just quit? Stick to youtube? Am I wrong for quitting AA?

Idk. Just a crummy day. But a sober one, so I guess it's not so bad when it's all said and done :-)

[fingolfin34]

Pretty aweful day. Went into a couple meetings, left early and really mad. I was gonna pick up my 9 months chip but they skipped right past the chips. Done with AA, my sponsor is telling me to just stick with NA. -shrug-

Lots of yucky things happening today. Get home, eat some ice cream, relax, and suddenly get an onslaught of negs because this dude spamming my youtube channel with hateful comments suddenly starts whining about me negging him. Like, wtf? http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...990251&page=15

Starting to think this site might not be the best for me to stay clean. Takes up too much time, and brings a lot of negativity in, but the people who I keep up with and associate with from here are really inspiring and motivating too. There's just a bunch of douchebags that hate to see a woman advocate for herself.

Should I just quit? Stick to youtube? Am I wrong for quitting AA?

Idk. Just a crummy day. But a sober one, so I guess it's not so bad when it's all said and done :-)

Here is one of the best old AA proverbs:

"Life sucks BETTER sober"

Negativity from douchebags is something that you have the option to just ignore. Let the haters hate. Let them go out and get wasted when they have to deal with emotions. What WE can do when faced with emotions is to accept them. Talk about them. Be comfortable with them.

I hope you don't give up on A.A. The program is wonderful. In any group of people, there are arseholes. It just happens. Don't let stupida$$ fukks ruin your sobriety.