ALCOHOLICS: RECOVERY & FITNESS (Serious Only Please)

[fingolfin34]

Was in this thread a while ago. Went sober for a month and then drank again but wayyyy less than I was before. Usually binged 3 days every other weekend. Now Im back in it trying to go fully sober. Currently on 1st week. Been eating healthy, past the shakes, insomnia and sweats so Im feeling pretty good. Going to be a stressful semester but I think Ive got this.

Welcome back to like, Skin. Please feel free to send a message if you need a few words of sobriety hope and encouragement. Its gratifying to see that you recognize that your drinking was wayyyy less than it had been. That shows that you have made some real progress in your effort to recover. Stay strong. Keep lifting and reach out.

[graptorthemashn]

its so great to see other friends of Bill on the forums... bodybuilding is a great way for me to enhance the physical state of my physical, mental, and spiritual malady!

god bless!!

[twisttx]

Just popping in to say hi. I know it gets tiresome at times... Hearing the same ol', same ol' "but, but, but I'm still sober," or better yet, being the one that says it. Looking around, my life is pretty much a mess. The good news is, I'm still sober. What that really means, is I have a chance at everything else. For the low, low price of a six pack of beer--I can lose the most important thing I have in sobriety. Hope.

eta: Guess I could have just quoted Fingolfin.

[fingolfin34]

Just popping in to say hi. I know it gets tiresome at times... Hearing the same ol', same ol' "but, but, but I'm still sober," or better yet, being the one that says it. Looking around, my life is pretty much a mess. The good news is, I'm still sober. What that really means, is I have a chance at everything else. For the low, low price of a six pack of beer--I can lose the most important thing I have in sobriety. Hope.

eta: Guess I could have just quoted Fingolfin.

Glad to hear you are accepting life on life's terms, my friend. It will get better. God Bless

[twisttx]

I tend to operate under the premise that perception is nine/tenths of the law. Am I mad because my employer doesn't pay me what I think I'm worth, or glad I have a job? Am I mad because I don't live in my dream house, or glad I have a roof over my head? Am I mad I'm driving a '95 Cirrus with 244k miles on it (she is almost as tired as I am), or glad I'm not walking?

I can be just as mad or just as glad as I choose to be. I'm a mean old ex-drunk. I would be in a meeting and hear members tell newcomers, "It will get better." And I'd be quick to point out-it might not. "IT" might not.

We do. We get better. We get to make decisions instead of living in the land of instant, idiotic reaction. What a relief.

eta: I might sound like I'm picking on you fingolfin. I'm not. I appreciate what you have to say. You are 100% correct. Living life on life's terms. I get to be present for life these days. For that, I am grateful.

[JediRN]

how do i stop drinking?

Keep in mind I'm an atheist. (not by choice but by reason)

[fingolfin34]

I tend to operate under the premise that perception is nine/tenths of the law. Am I mad because my employer doesn't pay me what I think I'm worth, or glad I have a job? Am I mad because I don't live in my dream house, or glad I have a roof over my head? Am I mad I'm driving a '95 Cirrus with 244k miles on it (she is almost as tired as I am), or glad I'm not walking?

I can be just as mad or just as glad as I choose to be. I'm a mean old ex-drunk. I would be in a meeting and hear members tell newcomers, "It will get better." And I'd be quick to point out-it might not. "IT" might not.

We do. We get better. We get to make decisions instead of living in the land of instant, idiotic reaction. What a relief.

eta: I might sound like I'm picking on you fingolfin. I'm not. I appreciate what you have to say. You are 100% correct. Living life on life's terms. I get to be present for life these days. For that, I am grateful.

You are correct, twist. We live our lives as we choose to. We either let our addicts control us, or we do our best to be mature folks who are destined to make mistakes and then do our best to learn from those mistakes.

Also, a good friend has pointed out the phrase, "God is everything, or God is nothing." When things aren't going so well, he has been quick to stress the "...or God is nothing" part. I chuckle.

Bless you, my friend. I didn't feel like you were picking on me, by the way. I love recovery and I love conversation.

[fingolfin34]

how do i stop drinking?

Keep in mind I'm an atheist. (not by choice but by reason)

Jedi, have you tried to stop drinking? Have you sought treatment? Have you ever been to an A.A. meeting?
As much recovery as the folks in this forum may have, you won't get sober from taking advice from a bunch of people on a weight-lifting forum post.

I probably would understand your reasoning behind choosing atheism. This doesn't have to preclude your understanding of a power greater than yourself. I strongly suggest going to aa.org and looking at the Alcoholics Anonymous book. Read a little bit into Chapter 4, "We Agnostics." It discusses this issue for folks who have chosen atheism, or to be agnostic.

Good luck, bro. Let us know what questions we can answer for you.

[SKIN__N__BONES]

how do i stop drinking?

Keep in mind I'm an atheist. (not by choice but by reason)

Do you not get the shakes man? Im a nursing student and that alone made me cut back big time because my shakes were way too obvious during clinicals. Thats a huge motivator for me to quit.

I went to a few meetings when I first planned on cutting back. I think its a good idea to go just to be around people who are in similar situations. I guess its a bit hypocritical for me to say that though because Im not going to meetings anymore but they were good when I was really struggling to quit.

[tandpr]

how do i stop drinking?

Keep in mind I'm an atheist. (not by choice but by reason)

Try. Try again. try some more.

NOne of us got this way by making one choice or one try. Neither will we be "all cured" with one choice or one try. Stay actively researching, trying, talking. If you are breathing, and you haven't given up, you still have a chance. Read my other posts and you will see I have very conflicting opinions on life and sobriety, but that is because I am mentally unstable LOL. BUT as long as I am still fighting..... don't count me out. Good look man.


Also if someone can't get their hands on the AA big book for what ever reason PM me and I will send you one. Good read regardless of what /who/why you believe anything. Just some good points in there.

[JediRN]

Do you not get the shakes man? Im a nursing student and that alone made me cut back big time because my shakes were way too obvious during clinicals. Thats a huge motivator for me to quit.

I went to a few meetings when I first planned on cutting back. I think its a good idea to go just to be around people who are in similar situations. I guess its a bit hypocritical for me to say that though because Im not going to meetings anymore but they were good when I was really struggling to quit.

It so easy to cover up.. Just say you have PTSD and nobody asks another question. Even if I were drunk at work, which I don't do... it would be looked over, especially because I'm so good at what I do. The problem is of course... I still know why I'm shaky and sweaty.

Substance abuse is quite common amongst night nurses. I see it in other sometime but don't point it out because these nurses under the influence are seriously better and safer than a lot of nurses I know who are sober. There really are a lot f'n dumb RN's that kill people of don't stop them from dying because they are non-thinking robots.

To the best of my knowledge they are alcoholics or high on pot... It may be hypocritical but I won't stand for someone doing a narc. (not including marijuana)

Try. Try again. try some more.

NOne of us got this way by making one choice or one try. Neither will we be "all cured" with one choice or one try. Stay actively researching, trying, talking. If you are breathing, and you haven't given up, you still have a chance. Read my other posts and you will see I have very conflicting opinions on life and sobriety, but that is because I am mentally unstable LOL. BUT as long as I am still fighting..... don't count me out. Good look man.


Also if someone can't get their hands on the AA big book for what ever reason PM me and I will send you one. Good read regardless of what /who/why you believe anything. Just some good points in there.

It's the conflicting feelings that are tough the thought of never having red wine again with a steak dinner...I wish I could just handle it,,, I'm me, I've been able to do anything I wanted too...always....Why does alcohol want me to drink it even if I don't...

but anyways...thanks.

Today, I told my wife that I'm still drinking. She is pissed again and now scared again. I was evil to her when I had a depression attack and drank even more than I usually do. For her sake, I hope she leaves me.

It's gotten that bad.

[tandpr]

I know those conflicting thoughts. I still haven't made the final decision to quit. I have quit multiple times in the past. Always went back. I guess because I am just not ready or don't want it? IDK. I am like you. I think I can handle anything. I am certain I will eventually handle alcohol. Most here say I am wrong. IDK. Time will tell. I want to stay sober. I do. But dry..... not so sure.

I share my ups and downs in hopes of helping someone somehow. I read others ups and downs in hope making a decision some day myself. Life is a journey, just not sure where I am going or when/how to get there. Better tomorrow than today. that's my goal. Perfect? Not likely. Better? I have to be. Good luck man. talk it out. Good guys on here with good advice.

[SKIN__N__BONES]

It so easy to cover up.. Just say you have PTSD and nobody asks another question. Even if I were drunk at work, which I don't do... it would be looked over, especially because I'm so good at what I do. The problem is of course... I still know why I'm shaky and sweaty.

Substance abuse is quite common amongst night nurses. I see it in other sometime but don't point it out because these nurses under the influence are seriously better and safer than a lot of nurses I know who are sober. There really are a lot f'n dumb RN's that kill people of don't stop them from dying because they are non-thinking robots.

To the best of my knowledge they are alcoholics or high on pot... It may be hypocritical but I won't stand for someone doing a narc. (not including marijuana)

I dont think I could pull off the PTSD thing. Ive been asked one time by a Pt and just said I had a bunch of coffee and usually never drink coffee and he said "oh yeah that will do it." I do well in class and clinicals but always get nervous as hell when it comes to shakes/sweats/not able to eat lunch. I agree with narcotics. Alcoholics are probably not going to be diverting drugs.

[fingolfin34]

It so easy to cover up.. Just say you have PTSD and nobody asks another question. Even if I were drunk at work, which I don't do... it would be looked over, especially because I'm so good at what I do. The problem is of course... I still know why I'm shaky and sweaty.

Substance abuse is quite common amongst night nurses. I see it in other sometime but don't point it out because these nurses under the influence are seriously better and safer than a lot of nurses I know who are sober. There really are a lot f'n dumb RN's that kill people of don't stop them from dying because they are non-thinking robots.

To the best of my knowledge they are alcoholics or high on pot... It may be hypocritical but I won't stand for someone doing a narc. (not including marijuana)



It's the conflicting feelings that are tough the thought of never having red wine again with a steak dinner...I wish I could just handle it,,, I'm me, I've been able to do anything I wanted too...always....Why does alcohol want me to drink it even if I don't...

but anyways...thanks.

Today, I told my wife that I'm still drinking. She is pissed again and now scared again. I was evil to her when I had a depression attack and drank even more than I usually do. For her sake, I hope she leaves me.

It's gotten that bad.

I can empathize with the emotions that you are going through, Jedi. But, please look back at the words you have used. I see a lot of dishonesty there. I'm not calling you a liar or scumbag or anything. I am an addict. In my addiction, I am a liar. I lie about anything and everything, especially to myself. I can justify my thoughts and behaviors to the point that I actually buy my own story.

Its when I am my MOST honest with myself that I realize how important my sobriety is to my life.

The sad truth is that quite often, life sucks. But life always sucks BETTER sober.

Ask yourself what you would be missing if you didn't have the red wine with your steak dinner. Learn how to prepare complimentary dishes that go well with steak. There are always ways to justify bad behavior. But, there are even more ways to justify doing the right thing.

Best of luck,
Fin

[twisttx]

'Bout that there red wine... I am an alcoholic. There is no glass of red wine for me. If I honestly think "through the drink" as they say in AA, this is what I see:

Glass of wine, box of wine, case of wine, panel truck full of wine, semi full of wine, train full of wine. You know what they say about trains? It's not the caboose that kills ya. It's that very first drink.

No glass of wine in the world is worth the pain and suffering I have to go through on behalf of it...

Just my experience. This ain't my first rodeo.

[JediRN]

No glass of wine in the world is worth the pain and suffering I have to go through on behalf of it...

I think this is how I will look at it. I believe beliefs are a choice. My current beliefs about alcohol are not helping my cause. They are based on what I want to be true and not my experience. I think what you just said is right in line with what my new thinking will be. It is consistent with my experience.

thanks

[raynerd]

how do i stop drinking?

Keep in mind I'm an atheist. (not by choice but by reason)

Hey Jedi, I was struck by how you said you could get away with being drunk at work, even though you aren't. I am an RT, work nights and shift as well. I consider myself very good at my job as well. When I was drinking I came into work in pretty rough shape a few times and I had that exact attitude. I nearly lost my job because of it, I was sent to councillors, a rehab program and 4 years of my life at work with random blood testing for drugs and alcohol.

This was extremely humiliating for me, one of the worst things I have ever gone through. It is not ok to come into work with the shakes, smelling of booze or hungover. In my experience, nobody gets away with this forever.

The fact you keep visiting this forum indicated you are in need of help. I know in my city there is a group for hospital professionals that have substance abuse problems. Maybe this is something you should look into.

I considered myself atheist at one time as well. AA did not "turn me religious". It helped me learn to live my life without alcohol and actually be the happiest I have ever been. If something doesn't change with you, bad things seem to happen, as it never gets better.... Only worse. Feel free to PM me if you are ready to make some changes.

Take care

[raynerd]

Had a dream I was fishing on a trip with the doods last night. We were halfway way through the trip and ran out of booze. This sent me in a near panic in my dream, I haven't even thought of booze in months.

Grateful that I have my higher power and this forum today. Not long ago, just this dream would have me reaching for the bottle. Cunning lil son ma b$tch that booze! I am grateful it was only a dream.

[krete77]

raynerd, check out soberrecovery.com , or anyone else for that matter. it is a forum dedicated to all facets of recovery. this thread is good but the support over there couldn't hurt as well.

i just got about halfway through rain in my heart video on youtube. it scares the hell out of me.

documentary about 4 alcoholics.

[raynerd]

raynerd, check out soberrecovery.com , or anyone else for that matter. it is a forum dedicated to all facets of recovery. this thread is good but the support over there couldn't hurt as well.

i just got about halfway through rain in my heart video on youtube. it scares the hell out of me.

documentary about 4 alcoholics.

Will check it out! Thanks mang

[mirroroferised]

I've been avoiding this thread lately and I'm not sure why. I'm sober nearly 7 months now and have been doing well. I hope you all are as well. I've had my tougher moments like we all do but still not a drop.

Stay strong and sober guys.

Ray hope you're dealing okay today.

[Slider59]

'Bout that there red wine... I am an alcoholic. There is no glass of red wine for me. If I honestly think "through the drink" as they say in AA, this is what I see:

Glass of wine, box of wine, case of wine, panel truck full of wine, semi full of wine, train full of wine. You know what they say about trains? It's not the caboose that kills ya. It's that very first drink.

No glass of wine in the world is worth the pain and suffering I have to go through on behalf of it...

Just my experience. This ain't my first rodeo.

I met a gentleman at an AA meeting one night.
He used to go to lunch with his non-alcoholic buddies every Friday.
One day he decided he COULD have one glass of wine with lunch.
He finished the bottle and bought a case of whiskey on the way home.

Did I mention he had 32 years sobriety at that point?

[raynerd]

I've been avoiding this thread lately and I'm not sure why. I'm sober nearly 7 months now and have been doing well. I hope you all are as well. I've had my tougher moments like we all do but still not a drop.

Stay strong and sober guys.

Ray hope you're dealing okay today.

Thanks buddy, I had a good day. I was just surprised how the thoughts can pop back up after almost 2 years under the belt. Actually, probably not surprised, but it made me wary again of getting complacent in my sobriety. As time passes, it gets easier to forget where I was, and where I could be if I don't stay on my toes.

Hope you are well, and I too have been away from this forum for a bit, but after my dream last night, this was the first place I wanted to come to. I have been pretty consumed with my cut and training, family, work etc. etc. blah blah.....remember Shawn.... U are an alcoholic, and an alcoholic needs to constantly work to stay sober!

[TubbyDad]

Howdy guys/ gals. I drank pretty much every day from the time I was 16 until I was about 32 (just before my first kid was born). I didn't want my kids growing up around that so I choked way down, but that really just led to sporadic binge drinking. I am terrible with moderation with pretty much anything, not just alcohol. Once every few weeks and on holidays or whatever special occasion I would just get plastered. The next few days I would feel horribly depressed. It sucked. So a few months ago I decided to just stop trying to fit that square peg into the round hole and hung up my drinking shoes.

It's actually been pretty easy for me since by nature I am just all or nothing. I have 3 siblings who are all sober after their own experiences, my dad is a lifetime alcoholic (functional, at least) and my mom gave up drinking a few years ago (she was raised by alcoholic, severely abusive parents). If anyone needs anything, I'm here. I've been around this my entire life.

[raynerd]

Howdy guys/ gals. I drank pretty much every day from the time I was 16 until I was about 32 (just before my first kid was born). I didn't want my kids growing up around that so I choked way down, but that really just led to sporadic binge drinking. I am terrible with moderation with pretty much anything, not just alcohol. Once every few weeks and on holidays or whatever special occasion I would just get plastered. The next few days I would feel horribly depressed. It sucked. So a few months ago I decided to just stop trying to fit that square peg into the round hole and hung up my drinking shoes.

It's actually been pretty easy for me since by nature I am just all or nothing. I have 3 siblings who are all sober after their own experiences, my dad is a lifetime alcoholic (functional, at least) and my mom gave up drinking a few years ago (she was raised by alcoholic, severely abusive parents). If anyone needs anything, I'm here. I've been around this my entire life.

Welcome, and congrats on making a great decision and congrats on your work in the gym. I grew up in the same family environment and understand how easy it is to follow in your family's footsteps. It was hard for me to come to the conclusion that my home life was not the norm, and really had to work hard to get my life in order. Best decision I have ever made! Looking forward to your progress in the gym and your insight into sobriety.

[TubbyDad]

Welcome, and congrats on making a great decision and congrats on your work in the gym. I grew up in the same family environment and understand how easy it is to follow in your family's footsteps. It was hard for me to come to the conclusion that my home life was not the norm, and really had to work hard to get my life in order. Best decision I have ever made! Looking forward to your progress in the gym and your insight into sobriety.

Hey, thanks man, it means a lot. And yeah, the part about growing up in an environment that wasn't the norm is spot on. I had just assumed that my mom going through a box of wine or two every week and my dad putting down an 18 pack every few days was normal. I think nowadays there is a lot more awareness, and the internet is really helpful in that regard.

It's a little bit sad to think about, but I had a talk with my mom some time last year. While I was growing up, we moved a lot. We moved because my dad worked in the hotel industry and would get promotions (he was typically either a director of sales or GM of the hotel, usually in Hiltons or Sheratons). When I was going into 9th grade, he took a job in an office making a fraction of what he used to make. He had been laid off from a hotel after ownership changed and he said he was sick of moving so he took the job so we wouldn't have to move anymore.

As it turns out, he wasn't getting promotions while we were growing up. Apparently he had a reputation for taking clients out and getting ****-faced, and would eventually be let go. He would find a job somewhere else, we'd move, and inevitably the same thing would happen again. So my whole childhood I thought my dad was this successful businessman, turns out he was just ****ing up. When he took that low paying job I assumed it was about a $30k a ear job... it was more like $18k. My mom had (luckily) finished school for nursing and was also working full time, and she was able to support us with her salary (not by much, we had a family of 6). His next DWI was the last straw and she left him shortly after I graduated high school.

I lived with him for a while and we were pretty much party buddies, which I guess is a pretty atypical relationship for a father and son. He kicked me out one night when he was wasted and we didn't speak for years. He wasn't even invited to my wedding.

I made peace with him shortly after I got married, and just accepted that he is how he is. He got remarried to a woman who is also an alcoholic, and they drink a lot of beer. But they seem to be happy, they don't drive anywhere and their kids are all grown up.

So yeah, I have learned a lot from my dad. Mainly that I don't want my kids to feel bad for me, and that I want them to admire me for what I actually am. I want them to want to bring their kids over to my house (we don't go over there because they also smoke in the house... nope). I want them to strive to be the best versions of themselves, and I want them to look up to me as an example. For me, alcohol just doesn't fit into that equation.

[raynerd]

Hey, thanks man, it means a lot. And yeah, the part about growing up in an environment that wasn't the norm is spot on. I had just assumed that my mom going through a box of wine or two every week and my dad putting down an 18 pack every few days was normal. I think nowadays there is a lot more awareness, and the internet is really helpful in that regard.

It's a little bit sad to think about, but I had a talk with my mom some time last year. While I was growing up, we moved a lot. We moved because my dad worked in the hotel industry and would get promotions (he was typically either a director of sales or GM of the hotel, usually in Hiltons or Sheratons). When I was going into 9th grade, he took a job in an office making a fraction of what he used to make. He had been laid off from a hotel after ownership changed and he said he was sick of moving so he took the job so we wouldn't have to move anymore.

As it turns out, he wasn't getting promotions while we were growing up. Apparently he had a reputation for taking clients out and getting ****-faced, and would eventually be let go. He would find a job somewhere else, we'd move, and inevitably the same thing would happen again. So my whole childhood I thought my dad was this successful businessman, turns out he was just ****ing up. When he took that low paying job I assumed it was about a $30k a ear job... it was more like $18k. My mom had (luckily) finished school for nursing and was also working full time, and she was able to support us with her salary (not by much, we had a family of 6). His next DWI was the last straw and she left him shortly after I graduated high school.

I lived with him for a while and we were pretty much party buddies, which I guess is a pretty atypical relationship for a father and son. He kicked me out one night when he was wasted and we didn't speak for years. He wasn't even invited to my wedding.

I made peace with him shortly after I got married, and just accepted that he is how he is. He got remarried to a woman who is also an alcoholic, and they drink a lot of beer. But they seem to be happy, they don't drive anywhere and their kids are all grown up.

So yeah, I have learned a lot from my dad. Mainly that I don't want my kids to feel bad for me, and that I want them to admire me for what I actually am. I want them to want to bring their kids over to my house (we don't go over there because they also smoke in the house... nope). I want them to stive to be the best versions of themselves, and I want them to look up to me as an example. For me, alcohol just doesn't fit into that equation.

Thanks for sharing, I can really relate. I have 4 boys: 7, 3,3(twins) and 2 years old. I thank the good lord everyday that they will never have to see me drunk, growing up seeing my dad in complete sh#tfaced oblivion messed up my head quite a bit. Strange how something so negative in my brain had me following the same path. They say a lot of
Alcoholism is genetic, but I am pretty sure a lot of it is the environment u were exposed to growing up...the whole nature vs nurture debate I guess.
Goodluck on your path!

[BackwoodsGa]

'Bout that there red wine... I am an alcoholic. There is no glass of red wine for me. If I honestly think "through the drink" as they say in AA, this is what I see:

Glass of wine, box of wine, case of wine, panel truck full of wine, semi full of wine, train full of wine. You know what they say about trains? It's not the caboose that kills ya. It's that very first drink.

No glass of wine in the world is worth the pain and suffering I have to go through on behalf of it...

Just my experience. This ain't my first rodeo.

very wise brother!

[BackwoodsGa]

I met a gentleman at an AA meeting one night.
He used to go to lunch with his non-alcoholic buddies every Friday.
One day he decided he COULD have one glass of wine with lunch.
He finished the bottle and bought a case of whiskey on the way home.

Did I mention he had 32 years sobriety at that point?

Alcohol is a very powerful disease. Complete abstinence is the only solution. I've had friends invite me over for a few drinks.Gotta always inform them I'm an alcoholic. If I have 3...ill have 30.Got nearly 20 years of sobriety on the line.

[BackwoodsGa]

Howdy folks!Hope everyone is staying strong and sober.