ALCOHOLICS: RECOVERY & FITNESS (Serious Only Please)

[Twineagles]

Heard a great explanation of the second step last night. "We came" - we realized we had a problem and got off our asses and started coming to meetings. "We came to" - our minds finally began to clear from the fog of drugs and alcohol so we could think clearly. "We came to believe" - and once we started coming to meetings and our minds began to clear, we acquired hope for a better way of life.

[cowboybiker]

Heard a great explanation of the second step last night. "We came" - we realized we had a problem and got off our asses and started coming to meetings. "We came to" - our minds finally began to clear from the fog of drugs and alcohol so we could think clearly. "We came to believe" - and once we started coming to meetings and our minds began to clear, we acquired hope for a better way of life.

Classic.

[wolfpack7483]

Heard a great explanation of the second step last night. "We came" - we realized we had a problem and got off our asses and started coming to meetings. "We came to" - our minds finally began to clear from the fog of drugs and alcohol so we could think clearly. "We came to believe" - and once we started coming to meetings and our minds began to clear, we acquired hope for a better way of life.

Can never hear this enough!!!

[NoSlak]

Classic.

Belated Congrats to you man !!!!!

[cowboybiker]

Belated Congrats to you man !!!!!

Thanks, heres to the next one, one day at a time

[BackwoodsGa]

Hope everyone is doing well.Got terrible news tuesday.A longtime friend who had been sober 10 months died after a 4 day binge on alcohol and meth.Still reeling from this...keep it sober folks.later.

[vindex1963]

Hope everyone is doing well.Got terrible news tuesday.A longtime friend who had been sober 10 months died after a 4 day binge on alcohol and meth.Still reeling from this...keep it sober folks.later.

Very sorry to hear this.

[GirLInterrupted]

Hope everyone is doing well.Got terrible news tuesday.A longtime friend who had been sober 10 months died after a 4 day binge on alcohol and meth.Still reeling from this...keep it sober folks.later.

Oh man, I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

[Twineagles]

Hope everyone is doing well.Got terrible news tuesday.A longtime friend who had been sober 10 months died after a 4 day binge on alcohol and meth.Still reeling from this...keep it sober folks.later.

My sympathies also. For me, there but for the grace fo God and NA go I. My big fear about relapse is that there will be no return.

[chodan9]

I have had a few friends go back out and not make it back, it never gets easier to hear.
my prayers to you

[vindex1963]

I know I have one more drink left in me but I'm not sure I have one more sobriety.

[skarotum]

Hope everyone is doing well.Got terrible news tuesday.A longtime friend who had been sober 10 months died after a 4 day binge on alcohol and meth.Still reeling from this...keep it sober folks.later.

So sorry to hear. My condolences.

[skarotum]

Hi sober folks. Just checking in to say I'm still sober. Past 3 months now. Things are getting easier and feeling more 'myself'. I must admit, I don't do a lot of "work" toward my sobriety. However, I am happy with it and happy about it and know I can never drink again. Mostly just reading websites and forums and working out hard like I used to before I turned full on alcoholic. Life is waaaaay better this way and I have some confidence and self esteem now.
Life is good. Carry on sober people and thanks for all your posts. I don't post here a lot but I do read.

[sandypants]

I wanted to start by saying THANK YOU to all who post here and keep this thread alive. I'm a big time lurker and gain so much from checking in here.
Many people in my family are alcoholics and at the moment I have a brother in rehab. He is going on 75 days clean and doing great. The thing I am having an issue with is last Sunday he had an all day pass and spent his evening with my parents (I believe to be functioning alcoholics). Anyways, they had decided not to drink around him, but lo and behold he told them to act as they normally do and they drank (only one glass, however). Am I over-reacting by thinking this was wrong of them?
I would just assume that its too soon to do this and he really should not be faced with that, even if he was ok with it. The trigger might not come in that moment, but maybe the next day he'll think about them drinking?
Please any incite and knowledge anyone has to help me understand if this is acceptable would be appreciated.
Thank you!

[boathead]

meh. who knows?

i know several things though: when i first got sober, i didn't want to put people out....having them change their patterns on my behalf was NOT what i wanted. i wanted to change MY patterns, not those of others.

i also know that if i am in the right space, i can go anywhere without fear of drinking. if i am not in the right space, i can go nowhere without fear of drinking.

i'd just as soon congratulate your brother on his well deserved day pass and let it go at that.

[Meatpants]

I wanted to start by saying THANK YOU to all who post here and keep this thread alive. I'm a big time lurker and gain so much from checking in here.
Many people in my family are alcoholics and at the moment I have a brother in rehab. He is going on 75 days clean and doing great. The thing I am having an issue with is last Sunday he had an all day pass and spent his evening with my parents (I believe to be functioning alcoholics). Anyways, they had decided not to drink around him, but lo and behold he told them to act as they normally do and they drank (only one glass, however). Am I over-reacting by thinking this was wrong of them?
I would just assume that its too soon to do this and he really should not be faced with that, even if he was ok with it. The trigger might not come in that moment, but maybe the next day he'll think about them drinking?
Please any incite and knowledge anyone has to help me understand if this is acceptable would be appreciated.
Thank you!

I don't know where your brother is mentally, but I guess being in rehab may be a clue. Some rehab places have a different thought process, and may have tough him different from what many of us subscribe to. With myself, when I got sober, I had to remove myself from being around those situations. If your parent are functioning alcoholics, it only makes sense that they drank around him. What were his thoughts about this, and how did he defend himself against this. Not really looking for an answer, but that is what I would take away from the situation.

[sandypants]

Thank you both for taking the time to share your thoughts. See, my thinking is more on board with you Meatpants. I know everyone is different in how they react but I'd think this early in recover distance from such situations is better...
I do believe his counselor and sponsor would not be happy about this, but again this is an assumption. I know his counselor told all of us in a family meeting that we need to support him by not drinking when we are around him. Which at the time my parents swore they wouldn't, but the very first trip home thats exactly what they did.
I know in the end it is up to my brother to control himself and his thoughts, but I just feel like being so early in recovery my family should be trying harder to support him?
And boathead, I do/have congratulated him and I haven't brought any of this up with him or my parents... it is his journey and not mine to manage, this is really a personal issue of my own that I am trying to understand. Maybe a part of my co-dependency and taking on his troubles??
Thank you again for your input... please if anyone else has anything to share... all is appreciated.

[Meatpants]

Thank you both for taking the time to share your thoughts. See, my thinking is more on board with you Meatpants. I know everyone is different in how they react but I'd think this early in recover distance from such situations is better...
I do believe his counselor and sponsor would not be happy about this, but again this is an assumption. I know his counselor told all of us in a family meeting that we need to support him by not drinking when we are around him. Which at the time my parents swore they wouldn't, but the very first trip home thats exactly what they did.
I know in the end it is up to my brother to control himself and his thoughts, but I just feel like being so early in recovery my family should be trying harder to support him?
And boathead, I do/have congratulated him and I haven't brought any of this up with him or my parents... it is his journey and not mine to manage, this is really a personal issue of my own that I am trying to understand. Maybe a part of my co-dependency and taking on his troubles??
Thank you again for your input... please if anyone else has anything to share... all is appreciated.

No matter how bad you want something for your brother, either he will get it, or not. Things look different on the outside. I would recommend focusing on saying congrats on 75, like Mr. Boats said. Nothing else you can really do.

[GirLInterrupted]

Hey Sandypants, it's so hard to say. Everyone is different. You sound like you really care and I'm sure your brother really appreciates that. I'm very newly sober myself. I did have a wedding where it was extremely difficult to be around drinking, initially. The intensity really faded as the night went on. I think it's real life and there is no way around being around it at certain times. If you close yourself off in a hole, you'll never deal with it and it might do more bad than good.

I have a conference all week, with cocktail hours at the end of each day. I'm actually not worried, got my little excuse all picked out, going to the gym after so simply cannot partake. That's if anyone even notices or asks.

I guess it depends where your brother is, if it's something he's really ready to do and really wants. Good luck to you and your family

[sandypants]

Thank you everyone. I guess I need to just relax and let whatever happen, happen. Like you all said it depends on my brother and where he is at. All I can do is be there to support him, whenever/however he needs.
Thank you all and again you are all an inspiration.

[chodan9]

I made an effort early in my sobriety to not be around people drinking or using. I dont think it would have really bothered me, but I didn't have to deal with parents who over drank. They both will drink moderately, but they did not even do that around me early on.
I will find I am in situations through work and social where I am around folks drinking and it causes me no stress these days.

It is telling that your parents could not even last through one visit without drinking

[Twineagles]

When i first got clean, being around alcohol was really stressful and would really affect my serenity. Now I find, I just don't want to be around it.

[thepowerwithin]

Thank you everyone. I guess I need to just relax and let whatever happen, happen. Like you all said it depends on my brother and where he is at. All I can do is be there to support him, whenever/however he needs.
Thank you all and again you are all an inspiration.

Yes, ultimately you are powerless over those around you, but that doesn't mean you don't have a voice and you can't be supportive. It's your brother and alcoholism kills people!! Don't know about you guys, but I was fighting for my life and I didn't need any interference. (Sorry this sort of hits home with me)

I think it's very selfish that your parents drank around your brother in spite of him giving them permission. I realize they are not bad people, just ignorant about recovery from alcoholism. No way in hell would the counselors be okay with this. It's too soon.....his first outing!!! Call me dramatic, but I would probably gently bring it up to my parents and encourage your brother to bring it up in group or one on one with his caseworker/counselor.

I agree that once you get a grip, then being around alcohol is okay, but NOT on your first outing from an inpatient facility. Damn...

[sandypants]

Thats what I was thinking. I just wasn't sure if I was being dramatic, but I thought this was completely inappropriate. There have been many issues with my parents and their drinking before and since my brother has been in rehab... which already lead to my husband and I telling my parents we won't be around them when they are drinking (My dad pushed my mom and broke the phone and wine glasses in an outburst- while drinking a week into my brother entering treatment- something we grew up with). So, no point in talking to them about it, they already think I am an idiot.
This is why I wasn't at the dinner... I just wanted to make sure I wasn't over-reacting. I am hoping my brother informs his counselor and sponsor... they are better at guiding him than I would be.

[sandypants]

Oh and FYI- they are not ignorant to what recovery takes, the counselor has already told all of us (yes, including my parents) how serious this is and that we should not be drinking around him...
So, I know you are trying to be delicate and give them the benefit of the doubt, but they know better.

[thepowerwithin]

Oh and FYI- they are not ignorant to what recovery takes, the counselor has already told all of us (yes, including my parents) how serious this is and that we should not be drinking around him...
So, I know you are trying to be delicate and give them the benefit of the doubt, but they know better.

The situation was completely inappropriate. Since there is no talking to your parents, because they are in the thick of their own illness/issues, then it's up to your brother and the tx center. The only thing you can do is not be part of the problem and be supportive of your brother's recovery. I see you've already been able to establish healthy boundaries for yourself with your parents. I had to do the same with my ex-husband. I refused to engage in any kind of interaction whatsoever when he was drinking.

Hopefully, as your brother continues to grow in his recovery, he may realize that your parents have a drinking problem and he may ultimately feel his own need to set boundaries about being around them if they are drinking and/or intoxicated. My dad was an active alcoholic till his last days and I adored him and spent time with him, but my family set boundaries with him and he knew we would not be present when he was drinking/drunk. After quite a few years of complete estrangement, he finally got lonely enough to respect what we asked and we were able to enjoy at least weekly visits.

[Meatpants]

Oh and FYI- they are not ignorant to what recovery takes, the counselor has already told all of us (yes, including my parents) how serious this is and that we should not be drinking around him...
So, I know you are trying to be delicate and give them the benefit of the doubt, but they know better.

While they maybe aware, if they are as you suspect, alcoholics, they will function in a way that is not fully understandable to someone who is not. In all the years of your brothers substance abuse, did he ever do anything that you couldn't believe? We make selfish choices.

[thepowerwithin]

While they maybe aware, if they are as you suspect, alcoholics, they will function in a way that is not fully understandable to someone who is not. In all the years of your brothers substance abuse, did he ever do anything that you couldn't believe? We make selfish choices.

^This!

[pharmamarketer]

What's up? Still sober and loving it. Just checking in. Hope all are well

[vindex1963]

Doing good here. Making it through one more day sober I hope.