ALCOHOLICS: RECOVERY & FITNESS (Serious Only Please)

[thepowerwithin]

I need opinions on service work.

How much is too much?

Especially for someone with a family.

Scenario:

My honey works 6 days a week (60+ hours/wk) and coaches a middle school lacrosse team (takes him out of the house 3 nights a week, then maybe a weekend day for game).

As far as recovery stuff, he is on the board for our club house, with frequent board meetings, errands and duties. He cooks burgers/dogs for fellowship night, to which I attend and assist and collect monies and greet peeps. He does all the shopping for that the night prior. Sometimes I go with him and sometimes I don't, depending on what homework/dinner wars I got going on with my kids. Then he gets home and has to slice and dice and prep everything. He arrives at the clubhouse an hour or so before the meeting lets out and starts firing up the grill. Burger night consumes about 5-6 hours per week, easily, maybe more.

I am the secretary for fellowship night and keep a spreadsheet, which requires very little time, which is all I have, very little time. Takes me about 10 min a week .

If you do the math between his job, coaching lacrosse, clubhouse board responsibilities and fellowship night stuff, it's A LOT!

I admire this man so much. I sit back and watch and accompany him as much as I can and support him and find his interests and wanting to make a difference incredibly attractive, but I miss him and almost feel neglected . Dare I say that I think it's too much and something has to give?

One thing I notice about AA is that it's always the same peeps doing the same thing. With so many people, if just everyone would pitch in just a little bit, then the workload would be distributed to where the burden/service would not fall upon the same shoulders over and over again.

Point is, I want my man back .

So, how much is too much, or do I just need to get a grip?

[Meatpants]

I need opinions on service work.

How much is too much?

Especially for someone with a family.

Scenario:

My honey works 6 days a week (60+ hours/wk) and coaches a middle school lacrosse team (takes him out of the house 3 nights a week, then maybe a weekend day for game).

As far as recovery stuff, he is on the board for our club house, with frequent board meetings, errands and duties. He cooks burgers/dogs for fellowship night, to which I attend and assist and collect monies and greet peeps. He does all the shopping for that the night prior. Sometimes I go with him and sometimes I don't, depending on what homework/dinner wars I got going on with my kids. Then he gets home and has to slice and dice and prep everything. He arrives at the clubhouse an hour or so before the meeting lets out and starts firing up the grill. Burger night consumes about 5-6 hours per week, easily, maybe more.

I am the secretary for fellowship night and keep a spreadsheet, which requires very little time, which is all I have, very little time. Takes me about 10 min a week .

If you do the math between his job, coaching lacrosse, clubhouse board responsibilities and fellowship night stuff, it's A LOT!

I admire this man so much. I sit back and watch and accompany him as much as I can and support him and find his interests and wanting to make a difference incredibly attractive, but I miss him and almost feel neglected . Dare I say that I think it's too much and something has to give?

One thing I notice about AA is that it's always the same peeps doing the same thing. With so many people, if just everyone would pitch in just a little bit, then the workload would be distributed to where the burden/service would not fall upon the same shoulders over and over again.

Point is, I want my man back .

So, how much is too much, or do I just need to get a grip?

I think it varies for the individual. It maybe what he needs. Have you told him your feelings?

[thomashenry]

27 years ago today I walked into a Church just outside of Detroit @ the ripe age of 24, an old timer asked {you sure your in the right place son ?}---I said yea I just love being around people twice to 3 times my age drinking coffee and swapping war stories on a Sunday Nite when I d rather be at the bar chasing women and getting hammered, He just smiled and said have a seat :}--------------By the Grace of God and the wonderful people in AA I have not had a mood or mind altering substance in 27 years !

[cowboybiker]

I spent far more of my time dinking and using through out the week than I do in service.
Its suggested out here to commit for a year and allow someone else a chance to step up and be of service.
I've had one commitment for over 8 years cause no one else wants it cause its on friday.
My wife and I share 2 during the week.
Early in my recovery someone told me recovery is like a lifeboat.
Someone reached out and pulled me in and I should do the same for others.
Like Meatpants said, talk about it openly and lovingly.
Dont want to get a resentment on this.

27 years ago today I walked into a Church just outside of Detroit @ the ripe age of 24, an old timer asked {you sure your in the right place son ?}---I said yea I just love being around people twice to 3 times my age drinking coffee and swapping war stories on a Sunday Nite when I d rather be at the bar chasing women and getting hammered, He just smiled and said have a seat :}--------------By the Grace of God and the wonderful people in AA I have not had a mood or mind altering substance in 27 years !

Congrats again Thomas.
You are an inspiration with this and so much more.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

He needs it for now, not necessarily forever.

We constantly fight the "too busy" battle with all of our endeavors (Family, AA, Work, Church, Sports, Our own physical wellness, etc). Finding balance is not easy for most of us.

But I have learned that when I coach, I take less commitments. I believe strongly in the spirit of rotation as having a service commitment kept me coming back on those tough days early on.


Congrats Thomas and well said Cowboy!

[Meatpants]

27 years ago today I walked into a Church just outside of Detroit @ the ripe age of 24, an old timer asked {you sure your in the right place son ?}---I said yea I just love being around people twice to 3 times my age drinking coffee and swapping war stories on a Sunday Nite when I d rather be at the bar chasing women and getting hammered, He just smiled and said have a seat :}--------------By the Grace of God and the wonderful people in AA I have not had a mood or mind altering substance in 27 years !

Congratulations. This is awesome.

[chodan9]

27 years ago today I walked into a Church just outside of Detroit @ the ripe age of 24, an old timer asked {you sure your in the right place son ?}!

I was 24 when I started, yeah a lot of old timers looked at guys younger guys our age with skepticism back then. Not so much these days.

[chodan9]

on service work

Early on I was a single guy without a lot of commitments and was able to spend drastic amounts of time in service, was GSR, alternate DSM, delivered leads at literally hundreds of meetings, hit 9-10 meetings a week, after a year I got my license back I started driving others to meetings all over the country.
a couple years in I met my wife and we got married in 92, I had to scale back a bit on my service, but I was still doing a lot of it. Eventually I had to get to a balance point (always an issue with me), I had a wife at home and needed to be there for her, not only that, I was depriving other newer members the opportunity for service. So I scaled back dramatically.
Now I am in a somewhat unique position of having 2 times as much sobriety as I had using/drinking, I haven't needed to do service for a long time for me, when I do it now its just for the sake of doing it.
I am also at a point where I don't feel the need for all my service to be related to my sobriety or recovery, there is a whole wide world of opportunities to be of service on tons of important issues.

Each of us has to work the program in our own way, some folks need to continually give it away to maintain sobriety, others find a balance, and others never even bother (not the best option). Be patient thepowerwithin, express your concerns and remind him the group will function whether he is there or not, every void will be filled eventually.

[thepowerwithin]

I think it varies for the individual. It maybe what he needs. Have you told him your feelings?

Yes. I have. He assures me lacrosse season will end in April and things will be better .

I will say this. He is an all around nice guy. The type that is not comfortable with the word NO. People know this. He is the go-to guy at our club house. That's right, don't worry, Mike will do it .

27 years ago today I walked into a Church just outside of Detroit @ the ripe age of 24, an old timer asked {you sure your in the right place son ?}---I said yea I just love being around people twice to 3 times my age drinking coffee and swapping war stories on a Sunday Nite when I d rather be at the bar chasing women and getting hammered, He just smiled and said have a seat :}--------------By the Grace of God and the wonderful people in AA I have not had a mood or mind altering substance in 27 years !

Congratulations sir!

I've had one commitment for over 8 years cause no one else wants it cause its on friday.

This is what drives me insane. No one else wants to do it except my Mr. Nice Guy that can't say NO Guess when burger night is? Yup, you got it. Friday night!

He needs it for now, not necessarily forever.

We constantly fight the "too busy" battle with all of our endeavors (Family, AA, Work, Church, Sports, Our own physical wellness, etc). Finding balance is not easy for most of us.

But I have learned that when I coach, I take less commitments. I believe strongly in the spirit of rotation as having a service commitment kept me coming back on those tough days early on.


Congrats Thomas and well said Cowboy!

Indeed. Makes sense to me. I am not bickering about what he is doing, it's how much. You either coach or you do a bunch of service work, but something has to give. Balance it out.

There should be a service recruitment committee! Approach these people and sign them up! Put them on the spot! .

I am also at a point where I don't feel the need for all my service to be related to my sobriety or recovery, there is a whole wide world of opportunities to be of service on tons of important issues.

Each of us has to work the program in our own way, some folks need to continually give it away to maintain sobriety, others find a balance, and others never even bother (not the best option). Be patient thepowerwithin, express your concerns and remind him the group will function whether he is there or not, every void will be filled eventually.

I love this and we totally see eye to eye. It's where I see myself. A whole world has opened up for me outside the rooms. Lots that I am interested in and where I can make a difference. I don't ever want to forget where I came from, but I have outside interests. Isn't that the whole point? I believe that was my purpose; to get sober so that I could go out there and make a difference and do grand things and enjoy my freedom. I see far too many people with lots of time that haven't figured out (or don't care to) that balance. That's a whole other rant and it just my opinion.


You guys have been terrific, and I appreciate your support. I am kinda off these days, so I thought I'd come here and keep myself in check. Lacrosse season will end soon, and we will have more time together. As far as service work, that's his agenda, and I will have to find a way not to personalize it and/or get angry at others because I feel they are not doing their part or taking advantage of him. No lie, it's gonna be hard.


Damn! Every last one of you is on spread! Catch you later.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

I love this and we totally see eye to eye. It's where I see myself. A whole world has opened up for me outside the rooms. Lots that I am interested in and where I can make a difference. I don't ever want to forget where I came from, but I have outside interests. Isn't that the whole point? I believe that was my purpose; to get sober so that I could go out there and make a difference and do grand things and enjoy my freedom. I see far too many people with lots of time that haven't figured out (or don't care to) that balance. That's a whole other rant and it just my opinion.

This! Took me many years to put the pieces of my puzzle back together and be confident enough to believe I was supposed to be a coach, a supervisor, a 1st Sgt. Applying these principals to daily life is an extraordinary experience!

[thepowerwithin]

This! Took me many years to put the pieces of my puzzle back together and be confident enough to believe I was supposed to be a coach, a supervisor, a 1st Sgt. Applying these principals to daily life is an extraordinary experience!

Good for you! Balance is healthy and what we should strive for. Why? Because I say so



I hope I am not offending anyone. Your program is your own. It's just something I can't quite wrap my head around. I see it all the time. People with umpteen years of sobriety still hitting 2 meetings a day and doing nada outside the rooms and outside of fellowship. No real world stuff. When you engage in conversation with them, AA and/or related topics is all they speak of. In their spare time, they travel to other cities just to attend meetings. I guess it's become their replacement and/or hobby and is keeping them sober, which beats the alternative.

I know I am judging. ^^ That is not what I want for me.

[cowboybiker]

They told me I cant keep it unless I give it away.
I dont want to find out the hard way they were right.
When I worked as a counselor I would get alot of guys who would talk about relapsing after having some time.
It narrowed down to 3 things.

1.Stopped going to meetings.
2.Stopped working with sponser/sponsee's
3.There was this girl.

So I continue to go to meeting and work with my sponsor/sponsee's.
But most importantly I thank GOD I havent met that girl yet, whoever she is

[Big_Sky_Guy]

It is a highly individual thing, but I have seen what cowboy has seen. No matter how long we have been sober, we need a home group, a committment, a sponsor, and to work with others.

I went to 5-10 meetings a week, took meetings to jails and youth centers, and traveled to conferences, etc for many years. As my kids got older I began to recognize that they needed me around more. Trust me, I was afraid to make the change as it was the only way I knew to do AA. But I could see certain doors closing as I was not elected to positions at District or Area that year and at the same time others opened as I was asked to coach softball. I realized that it was time to step out of my comfort zone and take the principles to new areas of my life. (This was around 8 yrs sober)

In my 10th year of sobriety I had a significant realization about who I was and what I was on this earth for. Let's just say it was a God experience and that I felt a new freedom and happiness and an understanding that I was doing what he wanted me to do by being in AA and in the world. I have never questioned my place in the rooms of AA since. I belong here. It is where I am the most effective. But at the same time, that changed relationship with God opened my eyes to go and be helpful at deeper levels in my church, with sports for my kids, with our family, etc.

All that meant was I was at a few less meetings a week. Still have a home group, committments, a sponsor and I sponsor others. I love what happens in my life when I get surrounded up by active AA's, so I still try to make a couple bigger events per year and get re-connected with people from around my state that I don't see all the time.

The beauty is we all get to walk our own path. But, of course that means we have to do our own work.

[thepowerwithin]

You guys are fine people, and I am so grateful to know you here in this thread and be able to read and take in your wise words. They truly do have a positive impact on me. Thank you for your honesty and openness.

[Slider59]

This! Took me many years to put the pieces of my puzzle back together and be confident enough to believe I was supposed to be a coach, a supervisor, a 1st Sgt. Applying these principals to daily life is an extraordinary experience!

I know exactly what you mean.
I was in the Army when I got sober. Realized maybe that wasn't the job for me. I used the military (as they did me), to get an education and to move onto bigger and better things.
Coming up on 19 years and loving life.
P.S. Still work for the military but as a civie.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

This thread is one of the reasons I started posting on BB.

Our life is far from perfect and we have issues balancing all the crazyness. Sharing the journey makes it easier!

[OfficerRodFarva]

I didn't know bb.com had a section like this. Just posting i'm 1.5 years sober tomorrow and have never been stronger. Nothing like working out in an empty gym sunday morning while everyone else is sleeping it off lol.

[BackwoodsGa]

hope everyone is having a great and sober weekend.keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Armstrongha]

I have a question brahs

Sometimes when I lift right when it gets real tough during my lift I can literally taste alcohol in my mouth while i'm lifting and it sometimes distracts the sh*t out of me.

What does this mean brahs

[BackwoodsGa]

Well have not posted in here for a long time, Been battling it out always relapsing on day 3-Nj4 or 5, So about 1 month ago ended my 4 year relationship. Started working out again, Doing cardio 6 days a week and weight's. Told myself if i drink to bad I AM working out the day after even if i am hangover. Been going very good today i am on day 6 sober and no i am not drinking tonight for St-patty's will just watch the game and a movie and for the first time in 8-9 years tomorow i will see day 7 very happy ! I know it's not much but for me it's allot. ( And yes i plan on keeping going for as long as possible. Forever if i can! )

Just wanted to share! Haven't felt this good in so long ! And Happy St-Patty's day everyone.

Congrats friend.you can beat this.

[BackwoodsGa]

I have a question brahs

Sometimes when I lift right when it gets real tough during my lift I can literally taste alcohol in my mouth while i'm lifting and it sometimes distracts the sh*t out of me.

What does this mean brahs

you havent drank lately and still taste it??

[Armstrongha]

you havent drank lately and still taste it??

yup

it happens when i bench or squat and i get this overwhelming taste and smell of alcohol

[Forge3]

Back in here. I had a good run but relapsed again. Now back on the road of sobriety. I have people in these forums that care as well as family. That is not an issue. I need to care for myself more. I was doing yoga/meditation, exercise, eating whole foods, journaling everyday and for some reason I suddenly lost all my energy and only wanted to sleep. I don't know that I went to hard because I have the personality that tends to overcompensate, mild OCD and although I present as a very patient, easy going, jovial person my inner life is quite intense.

[Slider59]

Back in here. I had a good run but relapsed again. Now back on the road of sobriety. I have people in these forums that care as well as family. That is not an issue. I need to care for myself more. I was doing yoga/meditation, exercise, eating whole foods, journaling everyday and for some reason I suddenly lost all my energy and only wanted to sleep. I don't know that I went to hard because I have the personality that tends to overcompensate, mild OCD and although I present as a very patient, easy going, jovial person my inner life is quite intense.

Have you ever been tested for depression?

[Forge3]

Have you ever been tested for depression?

Years ago. The psychiatrist said I had chronic depression and am on meds. But when I drink I go off my meds which makes things really bad.

[thepowerwithin]

Back in here. I had a good run but relapsed again. Now back on the road of sobriety. I have people in these forums that care as well as family. That is not an issue. I need to care for myself more. I was doing yoga/meditation, exercise, eating whole foods, journaling everyday and for some reason I suddenly lost all my energy and only wanted to sleep. I don't know that I went to hard because I have the personality that tends to overcompensate, mild OCD and although I present as a very patient, easy going, jovial person my inner life is quite intense.

Ask yourself what it is that you can do differently. Honestly, you're not a victim. I, too, struggle with mental health issues (anxiety, depression) and have to keep myself in constant check and find and do what keeps me stable. The bottle only offers me more pain and chaos.

Part of relapse prevention is coming up with solid conclusions about what is leading you to the bottle time and time again and then changing that. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

[Forge3]

Ask yourself what it is that you can do differently. Honestly, you're not a victim. I, too, struggle with mental health issues (anxiety, depression) and have to keep myself in constant check and find and do what keeps me stable. The bottle only offers me more pain and chaos.

Part of relapse prevention is coming up with solid conclusions about what is leading you to the bottle time and time again and then changing that. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

Well I call it temporary insanity. I mean going back to the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[Slider59]

Ask yourself what it is that you can do differently. Honestly, you're not a victim. I, too, struggle with mental health issues (anxiety, depression) and have to keep myself in constant check and find and do what keeps me stable. The bottle only offers me more pain and chaos.

Part of relapse prevention is coming up with solid conclusions about what is leading you to the bottle time and time again and then changing that. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

This is so true.
Great advice to follow.

[thepowerwithin]

Well I call it temporary insanity. I mean going back to the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

That's vague. I think you need to come up with more concrete answers. Dig deeper.

[Forge3]

That's vague. I think you need to come up with more concrete answers. Dig deeper.

Dug. Lots of things too hard to post about. I need outside help to deal with them.