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  1. #1
    Banned zugswang's Avatar
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    when a girl says "tell me a story.." anyone got good ones??

    I either tell them horrible stories like the gay dolphin who killed himself


    Or the horror stories like the car and the box, or the tapping on the car roof one (which i half know)



    anyone wanna share so will never be stuck??
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  2. #2
    Registered User CementPizza's Avatar
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    Just point at your dick.
    *****://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzzqS_LwV8c
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  3. #3
    College Athlete TheMisker's Avatar
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    I've got a story for you.

    You went on match.com, they paired you up with a couch and hand lotion. That's a threesome for you.
    I rape back...

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  4. #4
    S.E.R.B.I.A.N AleksV's Avatar
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    bitch shouldn't be able to talk with your cock in her mouth
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  5. #5
    Registered User hangman_27's Avatar
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    Yes, I have some good stories. The two that come to mind first are about my 3 year old nephew. They are very funny.
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  6. #6
    Banned Sworn_Enemy's Avatar
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    welll....

    This is a story all about how
    My life got twist-turned upside down
    And i liked to take a minute
    And sit right there
    And tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air


    In west Philadelphia born and raised
    On the playground was where i spent most of my days
    Chillin out maxin relaxin all cool
    And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
    When a couple of guys
    Who were up to no good
    Startin makin trouble in my neighborhood
    I got in one lil fight and my mom got scared
    She said your movin with your auntie and uncle in bel Air


    I whistled for a cab
    And when it came near
    The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
    If anything i can say this cab is rare
    But i thought naw forget it yo homes to Bel Air


    I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
    And i yelled to the cabyo homes smell ya later
    I looked at my kingdom
    I was finally there
    To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
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  7. #7
    Banned zugswang's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hangman_27 View Post
    Yes, I have some good stories. The two that come to mind first are about my 3 year old nephew. They are very funny.
    no short fairy tales or scary ghost stories?
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  8. #8
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    Originally Posted by zugswang View Post
    I either tell them horrible stories like the gay dolphin who killed himself


    Or the horror stories like the car and the box, or the tapping on the car roof one (which i half know)



    anyone wanna share so will never be stuck??
    tell her "you first", either she entertains you or you get outa the story.
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  9. #9
    Child Please. -iLift-'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zugswang View Post
    I either tell them horrible stories like the gay dolphin who killed himself


    Or the horror stories like the car and the box, or the tapping on the car roof one (which i half know)



    anyone wanna share so will never be stuck??
    LOL. Tell me the story about the gay suicidal dolphin (no homo)
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  10. #10
    ummmmm delicious user18799886210's Avatar
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    tell her the story about how you lost your penis...
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  11. #11
    Banned zugswang's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by complex000 View Post
    tell her "you first", either she entertains you or you get outa the story.
    you guys have no heart.. Sometimes its nice to give something away for free... I take it if youre out with a nephew and he asks to go on a funfair ride you'd tell him to suck your dick or GTFO?
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  12. #12
    Banned zugswang's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by -iLift- View Post
    LOL. Tell me the story about the gay suicidal dolphin (no homo)
    a long time ago 2 dolphins lived together in an aquarium

    They had spent all their life together and had become lovers, it was a forbidden same-sex love but love none the less. Their adoration of each other manifested itself in the wonderful displays they put on, full of energy and life and pleasing the crowd of parents and little children immensely.

    This carried on until one of the dolphins became sicker.. Each show he was weaker and weaker until a marine biologist examined him and found a fungus had taken over his body.. Sadly a few weeks later the dolphin succommed and went to the big coral reef in the sky

    The bereaved dolphin became very depressed without his soulmate. He would not perform anymore and one day, seemingly unable to go on living without his loved one, beat himself savagely to death against the aquarium wall


    THE END




    BTW that story is TRUE!!
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  13. #13
    ummmmm delicious user18799886210's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zugswang View Post
    you guys have no heart.. Sometimes its nice to give something away for free... I take it if youre out with a nephew and he asks to go on a funfair ride you'd tell him to suck your dick or GTFO?
    This would be an inappropriate story to tell g/f. Just giving you a heads up.
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  14. #14
    The New Guy p12's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zugswang View Post

    that story is TRUE!!
    proof or fraudin
    -----------------------------------------
    It's not how much you lift, it's how much you tell people you lift
    -----------------------------------------
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  15. #15
    Registered User bombdigity's Avatar
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    just tell her a story from your past of something funny/scary/or alpha
    2wheel crew
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  16. #16
    College Athlete TheMisker's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by p12 View Post
    proof or fraudin
    i don't need proof, i'm using that next time i go out
    I rape back...

    **MEMBER OF BIG NASTY FAN CLUB***
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  17. #17
    6100+ posts Accutron's Avatar
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    Ask her to rep you first.
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  18. #18
    Banned complex000's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zugswang View Post
    you guys have no heart.. Sometimes its nice to give something away for free... I take it if youre out with a nephew and he asks to go on a funfair ride you'd tell him to suck your dick or GTFO?
    gotta be alpha bro, show the nephew whose boss.
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  19. #19
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    A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?'

    The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

    Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

    The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

    And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

    The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.

    The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.

    `Father,' replied the son, `I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

    The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'

    And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.

    The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.

    The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.

    `Father,' said the son to this, `I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'

    The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'

    `A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.

    `I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls,' said the father, `but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have.'

    And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls.

    The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared.

    `Dear son,' said the father, `I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?'

    The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. `Please humour me, dear father.'

    The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again.

    The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday.

    `Dearest father,' the son started, `I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls.'

    One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory.

    The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home.

    The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left.

    The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong.

    `Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible.'

    It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country.

    The next day, the father took his son to the harbour and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there.

    `Father,' the son said, `You've made me very happy yet again.'

    That night, the son spent on board the tanker.

    The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy.

    A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital.

    His father visited the young man in hospital. `My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?'

    Weakly, the son sat up in bed. `Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

    The father held his son's hand tightly. `Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls.'

    `Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls.'

    The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk.

    `Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls.'

    The son nodded weakly.

    The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room.

    `Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested.

    The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter.

    `I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth.

    `I- I-'

    Then he died.
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  20. #20
    Registered User the_guvna's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zugswang View Post
    I either tell them horrible stories like the gay dolphin who killed himself


    Or the horror stories like the car and the box, or the tapping on the car roof one (which i half know)



    anyone wanna share so will never be stuck??
    story about the gay dolphin? tell me it (no homo)

    and tell me the horror about the car and box
    fecalpheliac
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  21. #21
    No more "flaco" Infinaracer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kodiak5 View Post
    [long ass ping pong story]
    curiosity got the best of me. not cool
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  22. #22
    Banned Thy_Kingdom's Avatar
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    Just tell her:
    Yo man, yall *****z aint gonna believe what the **** happened to me.
    Remember that bitch I left the club with man? yo, freaky yo. Im up in
    This bitch playa this bitch ****in run them ol mink ass *****z and ****,
    Im up in the spot though. one of them six-five *****z, I dont know.
    Anyway Im up in the mother****in spot, so boom Im up in the pussy,
    Whatever whatever. I sparks up some lye, pop duke creeps up in on some,
    Must have been rained out or something *laughing* because hes in the
    Spot. had me scared, had me scared, I was shook daddy - but I forget i
    Had my roscoe on me. always. you know how we do. so anyway the *****
    Comes up the stairs, he creepin up the steps, the bitch all shook she
    Sends the ***** back downstairs to get some drinks and ****. she gettin
    Mad nervous, I said **** that man! Im the *****, you know how we do it
    *****, ransom note style put the scarf around my mother****in face,
    Gagged that bitch up, played the kizzack. soon this ***** comes up in
    The spot, flash the desert in his face he drops the glass. looked like
    The ***** pissed on his-self or somethin, word to mother! ahh ****it
    This ***** runs dead to the floor, peels up the carpet, start givin me
    Mad papers, mad papers. (I told you that bitch was a shiesty bitch cuz!
    Word to mother I used to **** her cousin but you aint know that! hahaha.
    You wouldnt know that ****. really though.) I threw all that
    Mother****in money up in the prada knapsack. two words, Im gone!
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  23. #23
    lbc crew laxer32's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kodiak5 View Post
    `I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth.

    `I- I-'

    Then he died.
    You son of a bitch. I read all that.
    snapchat: weavv
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  24. #24
    ummmmm delicious user18799886210's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Thy_Kingdom View Post
    Just tell her:
    Yo man, yall *****z aint gonna believe what the **** happened to me.
    Remember that bitch I left the club with man? yo, freaky yo. Im up in
    This bitch playa this bitch ****in run them ol mink ass *****z and ****,
    Im up in the spot though. one of them six-five *****z, I dont know.
    Anyway Im up in the mother****in spot, so boom Im up in the pussy,
    Whatever whatever. I sparks up some lye, pop duke creeps up in on some,
    Must have been rained out or something *laughing* because hes in the
    Spot. had me scared, had me scared, I was shook daddy - but I forget i
    Had my roscoe on me. always. you know how we do. so anyway the *****
    Comes up the stairs, he creepin up the steps, the bitch all shook she
    Sends the ***** back downstairs to get some drinks and ****. she gettin
    Mad nervous, I said **** that man! Im the *****, you know how we do it
    *****, ransom note style put the scarf around my mother****in face,
    Gagged that bitch up, played the kizzack. soon this ***** comes up in
    The spot, flash the desert in his face he drops the glass. looked like
    The ***** pissed on his-self or somethin, word to mother! ahh ****it
    This ***** runs dead to the floor, peels up the carpet, start givin me
    Mad papers, mad papers. (I told you that bitch was a shiesty bitch cuz!
    Word to mother I used to **** her cousin but you aint know that! hahaha.
    You wouldnt know that ****. really though.) I threw all that
    Mother****in money up in the prada knapsack. two words, Im gone!
    Translation?
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  25. #25
    Registered User Ryan1021's Avatar
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    "Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely..."
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  26. #26
    Banned kodiak5's Avatar
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    Lulz, sorry I had to do it
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  27. #27
    brb...reppin back fromfat2fit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheMisker View Post
    I've got a story for you.

    You went on match.com, they paired you up with a couch and hand lotion. That's a threesome for you.

    repped, lmao
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  28. #28
    Registered User longball06's Avatar
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    Tell her the heart warming story about a poor little boy named Brian Peppers that was stricken in a wheelchair. One day he reached out to his nurse for his meds and touched her butt, and made him an internet legend, photochop material, and king of the misc.
    You will get laid before you are done talking.
    We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
    Aristotle
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  29. #29
    brb...reppin back fromfat2fit's Avatar
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    If you've already slept with her, tell her the story of the day that you got your HIV positive results back. Always good for laughs
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  30. #30
    Registered User mrjimmy2308's Avatar
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    I was hiking in the foot hills of mount... tibidabo...


    aware?
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