Worried About A Friend

[PhobosWebDev]

I really dont know how to start with this question being that i feel i am right about how i feel towards her girls but it isnt my body so i have kept my mouth shut.

My friend is getting married at the end of May 2009 and just revealed to her friends that she is going on a diet starting the day of Easter. She wants to lose 15 pounds before her wedding and all she will say about it is she is cutting out bad foods.

Now with my experience and research in the weight loss field i know she can probably lose those 15 pounds if she actually needed to. Although, i feel i may be wrong. She is 110 pounds right now maybe 115 and 5'4". I already know she eats horribly as she believes that eating breakfast is pointless and that her lunch (if she has one) consists of a salad (without protein unless she has nuts on it) and then whatever she eats for dinner.

Basically i just feel like she doesnt need to lose weight as she has a good figure. If anything toning up would be good for her but saying that to her would be like me lighting the wick to a barrel of gun powder. I just want her to be healthy with the way she goes about her diet and with her current diet i am afraid its not going to go well.

Cliffs:
-Friend 5'4" 110lbs wants to lose 15lbs
-Horrible Eating Habits
-Rejects logical input
-Diet begins April 12
-Wedding May 30
-Worried

Thanks

[ogeorgeko]

I don't know if you need to necessarly be worried about her health all that much, I mean what she is doing is bad but isn't going to really mess her up permanently. What most people (especially girls) seem to not understand is that crash diets simply do not work, the combo of a good nutritional diet and heading to the gym is what really does it for you.

It seems to me that she is just taking the easy way out, if she does keep doing such crash diets though it really may start to affect her health in a more permanent way.

[ogeorgeko]

i also agree about toning it up, it really seems like the best solution for her right now.

[PhobosWebDev]

I appreciate your answer and i know that is what she is going to do. When she told me (friend in the room) that she was going on to this diet i was about the only that seemed concerned about it as i am the only one with the experience and the knowledge to know that she is doing something that is potentially unhealthy for her.

I just thought that from this forum i could get some good things to say to her in order to get her to follow at least a simple routine as i know i could set something up for her to help her maintain her current wait or at least bring her body down to fit in her dress...

[ogeorgeko]

Does she simply not have the time to go to the gym? I mean has she even considred it at all?

[fukc]

Why does she want to lose so much weight?

[imperfectly_lou]

I think she is silly losing that weight so close to the wedding. Her dress won't fit properly and her skin and hair will lose its glow and elasticity if she is eating poorly. If she really MUST lose the weight (and she is already borderline underweight for her height), she is better doing it now, SLOWLY and properly and maintaining it for the wedding.

[ogeorgeko]

I was under the impression to fit into her bridal dress, supposedly its a huge thing now where women will by their bridal dresses a bit smaller and use it as incentive to lose some weight.

[heidismommy]

Actually if she's 110-115 right now at 5'4" she really doesn't have any weight to lose. In fact, she already bordering on underweight. For her to get to the weight she wants would give her a clinically anorexic BMI. Definitely unhealthy IMO and could cause life-long problems. There isn't anything wrong with her changing her eating habits, but dieting is a bad idea, especially one that would put her at such a low BMI. I know you say she rejects logical input, but if she wants to look good on her wedding day, eating healthy and putting in a good strength program is the way to go.

[PhobosWebDev]

Actually if she's 110-115 right now at 5'4" she really doesn't have any weight to lose. In fact, she already bordering on underweight. For her to get to the weight she wants would give her a clinically anorexic BMI. Definitely unhealthy IMO and could cause life-long problems. There isn't anything wrong with her changing her eating habits, but dieting is a bad idea, especially one that would put her at such a low BMI. I know you say she rejects logical input, but if she wants to look good on her wedding day, eating healthy and putting in a good strength program is the way to go.

Yeah I did the research for her bmi and I think I just need to figure out what size she is trying to cut down to for her dress. I worry that the crash is inevitable.

[Mercersburgguy]

coming from a thrapist stand point. I think if you both are friends, you could go to her and say. I understand that you want to loose the weight, tell her you want to help her do it and see if she would be willing to do that. This way you can keep an eye on what she is doing or not doing, and through out helpful hints and then this also give you peace of mind.

[heidismommy]

Yeah I did the research for her bmi and I think I just need to figure out what size she is trying to cut down to for her dress. I worry that the crash is inevitable.

Well for reference I have about the same BMI that she has now, but I wear a size 00. I wear the smallest size in pretty much any store I go into and in my experience wedding gowns run a little big. When I weighed what she wants to weigh absolutely nothing fit, everything was enormous on me, just hung on my body. Granted bodies are made differently and she may have naturally wider hips, but there is not much she can do about that it if that is the case (frame size in genetically determined). In general I cannot imagine that at her weight she's wear a size that's anything but a small one.

ETA: Unfortunately a crash is likely. Either 2 things will happen. One of them is that she'll go off the diet after her wedding and gain all the weight back plus more. The second scenerio is that she'll be one of the unlucky ones that gets trapped in a vicious cycle leading to an even bigger weight loss and bigger problem. When weight gets sufficiently low, changes actually occur with brain chemistry making it more likely that she'll get caught in that cycle.

[heidismommy]

coming from a thrapist stand point. I think if you both are friends, you could go to her and say. I understand that you want to loose the weight, tell her you want to help her do it and see if she would be willing to do that. This way you can keep an eye on what she is doing or not doing, and through out helpful hints and then this also give you peace of mind.

Helping someone get to an anorexic BMI isn't healthy no matter how you look at it.

[MamaPyratekk]

My advice Is maybe you could bring it up in a way such as,"hey whateverhernameis, you know I have experience with fitness and nutrition and I was thinking I could help you get fit and healthy for your wedding."

Maybe not just like that, but maybe don't bring it up as concern but as you wanting to help her with your knowledge. Start by fixing her diet, then sit down and show her how to calculate her bmi, maybe seeing how close she is to underweight will make her realize she doesn't need to lose 15 pounds? Also whow her where she would be if she lost that weight then offer to help her get FIT and fabulous for her wedding rather than focusing on weightloss.


Either you will get an earful or she will want your help. But if she's your friend and is doing something that isn't good for her I think you should find a nice way to bring it up.

I know many women disagree with me, but I always do what is right by my friends even if its not want they want to hear. Even if it makes them angry they always seem to eventually come around and ask for help.

[PhobosWebDev]

Appreciate everyone's responses. I am going to talk to her again this weekend if i am not out of town. I just need to find a casual way to get into the conversation and if im lucky her brides made will be there who has a relative knowledge of fitness.

[girl81]

Appreciate everyone's responses. I am going to talk to her again this weekend if i am not out of town. I just need to find a casual way to get into the conversation and if im lucky her brides made will be there who has a relative knowledge of fitness.

I would:
express my concern
share my knowledge
accept her choices
lead by example by being the healthiest me I can be

*time and time again I am reminded, the only person I can change is myself.

[Amanda76]

Your friend eats almost exactly the way I used to eat...I had to do a crapload of cardio to get down to 110, though. I don't doubt that she has a lot of softness to her that she'd like to get rid of and that's probably why she feels she has weight to loose.

It's really difficult to snap women out of the numbers game. Whether it's weight or clothing size...maybe what you need to do is find out what she wants to look like naked when all this is said and done. You'll have to find a better way to put it than that, of course. LOL Chances are, everything she says will have to do with losing softness and toning up. Those are things she'll need to accomplish by cleaning up her diet and spreading the cals she'd eat at dinner throughout the day. She may even need to add cals depending on what "whatever" consists of at dinner.

Beyond that, weight training. And that's the next thing you'll have difficulty convincing her about--that she can't get big eating as little as she will be and that lifting weights will be what makes her look arms and shoulders look toned in her wedding dress and the rest of her look great in a bikini on her honeymoon.

...not to mention what lack of nutrition does to a person's hair, skin and nails. Nothing like having to hide dark circles and splotchy skin on your wedding day. As if weddings aren't stressful enough without a little malnutrition making handling the stress more difficult...

If she starts a REAL program in January, she'll be able to tighten up for her wedding without all the stress starving will put her body and mind through.

[terracotta]

If that's her real weight/height, then she definitely does not have weight to lose.

However, I think the OP is just guessing, in which case who knows. Someone can be 10-15 lbs overweight, and dress a certain way and you won't see it. So it is possible that she's not crazy..

Either way, the whole idea of "buying a smaller dress and crash dieting to fit into it" always makes me upset. I wish people would just buy the frigging right size dress. You can make it smaller easy, bigger not so easy.

[PhobosWebDev]

If that's her real weight/height, then she definitely does not have weight to lose.

However, I think the OP is just guessing, in which case who knows. Someone can be 10-15 lbs overweight, and dress a certain way and you won't see it. So it is possible that she's not crazy..

Either way, the whole idea of "buying a smaller dress and crash dieting to fit into it" always makes me upset. I wish people would just buy the frigging right size dress. You can make it smaller easy, bigger not so easy.

It is her true weight. Her fiance it one of my best friends and he told me what she weighs.

I know when she starts her "diet" she is probably going to end up only doing cardio when i know that was she wants is tone and as Amanda put it to not be so soft.

[terracotta]

Well, if she actually fits the dress, and just doesn't like her appearance, then the answer would be weightlifting as it would firm things up.

But if the dress is possibly tight, firming things up could make her larger. When you start small, you can get bigger. Personally, I took up weightlifting to gain muscle AND a butt so I would fit my wedding dress better and look better, and I started at 120 lbs 5'4. I can't imagine wanting to be 105 lbs

It does depend on how the dress fits.

[PhobosWebDev]

Yeah i have been meaning to talk to her brides maid about how her dress fits and maybe some help with getting her comfortable with her weight by going about a healthy diet.

I have known the bride (Ashley) for 10 years and she has always had a good figure and i know she would like to keep it that way. Up until last year did i notice she was letting her self go. Not in a bad way but i could see her losing a lot of her tone and basic healthy eating habits in general.

It would be nice just to know she is eating correctly and staying healthy

[Amanda76]

Yeah i have been meaning to talk to her brides maid about how her dress fits and maybe some help with getting her comfortable with her weight by going about a healthy diet.

I have known the bride (Ashley) for 10 years and she has always had a good figure and i know she would like to keep it that way. Up until last year did i notice she was letting her self go. Not in a bad way but i could see her losing a lot of her tone and basic healthy eating habits in general.

It would be nice just to know she is eating correctly and staying healthy

You could explain what loss of lean mass does to a woman's body over time. It's natural to begin losing lean mass in your mid to late 20's. The way women go on crash diets encourages the loss of lean mass and basically speeds up the aging process. Eating and performing activities that promote muscle maintenance (or growth) will do a better job of keeping her body young than anything else.

She'll just be so much better off for the wedding AND the rest of her life if she changes her lifestyle at the beginning of the year.