couples therapy?

SunnyBunny516 · 11-04-2008, 01:45 PM

My ex and I are trying to get back together and he wants us to go to couples therapy to make sure it can work. I'm the reason our relationship fell apart and I know it; I wanted to be wild and crazy and he wanted to settle down so I freaked out and just dropped him out of nowhere. He's completely the mellow half to my crazy side and I miss how we got on with eachother but I just keep thinking of us having a dr.phil type moment or something where I'm attacked.

anyone else have experience with a "relationship advisor"?

Robgould · 11-04-2008, 01:47 PM

I did when my ex-wife and I were first having problems. The "ex" should tell you how much it helped.

On the other hand, if you want him back, then what could it hurt? If it makes him feel more cozy or feel that you are more sincere then it could for sure help.

SigEpLaxer · 11-04-2008, 01:51 PM

Couples therapy can work really well if you're both on the same page about what you want from the relationship. There's going to be a lot of things said that you may not have known. Your individual issues will be addressed and hopefully resolved in an amiable manner to both of you

Short answer....go do it. It's a little costly, but anything worth having is worth fighting for.

Tiffany Wantsmore · 11-04-2008, 02:06 PM

My ex and I went when we realised our marriage was breaking down. The therapist blamed the entire thing on his drinking, which wasn't the sole cause at all; there were two of us in the marriage so it was both our fault. We didn't find it helpful and we did go on to get divorced.

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear.

JibJab · 11-04-2008, 02:11 PM

Yes, the therapist seemed not that clued in or helpful but nevertheless we seemed to sort out our problems somehow. Wether it had anything to do with the counselling I am less sure.

Lieb · 11-04-2008, 02:21 PM

Sounds like you already know the problem, and how to solve it, so I'm not sure couples therapy is needed. The real question is are you ready to stop being a party girl or not.

SigEpLaxer · 11-04-2008, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lieb

Sounds like you already know the problem, and how to solve it, so I'm not sure couples therapy is needed. The real question is are you ready to stop being a party girl or not.

I tried to avoid saying that, but I have to agree.

vinisterz · 11-04-2008, 10:31 PM

you guys need couples retreat

Tiffany Wantsmore · 11-05-2008, 04:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lieb

Sounds like you already know the problem, and how to solve it, so I'm not sure couples therapy is needed. The real question is are you ready to stop being a party girl or not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SigEpLaxer

I tried to avoid saying that, but I have to agree.

Why is it the OP who is the one who has to change? The question could equally be, "is he ready to stop being a homebody?"

Compromise is the answer, not one person changing to suit the other.

JibJab · 11-05-2008, 04:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunnyBunny516

I'm the reason our relationship fell apart and I know it

dys

BoneSkinny · 11-05-2008, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aphrodite

Why is it the OP who is the one who has to change? The question could equally be, "is he ready to stop being a homebody?"

Compromise is the answer, not one person changing to suit the other.

Women will always defend women no matter what.

She said she wanted to be wild and crazy. No guy wants to be with a girl who is partying all the time. It usually means blacking out and sucking random dick.

LiteConcrete789 · 11-05-2008, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoneSkinny

Women will always defend women no matter what.

She said she wanted to be wild and crazy. No guy wants to be with a girl who is partying all the time. It usually means blacking out and sucking random dick.

Seriously..

She said she was partying and being wild and crazy? How can you try and blame this on the male in the relationship when the OP even came out and said it was her fault.

Brother Steel · 11-05-2008, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunnyBunny516

My ex and I are trying to get back together and he wants us to go to couples therapy to make sure it can work. I'm the reason our relationship fell apart and I know it; I wanted to be wild and crazy and he wanted to settle down so I freaked out and just dropped him out of nowhere. He's completely the mellow half to my crazy side and I miss how we got on with eachother but I just keep thinking of us having a dr.phil type moment or something where I'm attacked.

anyone else have experience with a "relationship advisor"?

I'm all for couples seeking therapy in a relationship and normally I would recommend it to anyone seeking it but in your case.... just forget it.... it will not help due to your attitude.

You can't have it both ways.... wanting to be "wild and crazy".... (Partying with other guys???).... And expect to build a solid relationship with a man that is happy with you and him living a normal lifestyle together.

A man that is a homebody will make a great partner, to love you, keep a home with you, raise children with you and grow old together with. However, a man that is a homebody will never be happy with a partying slut to share his bed with in the long run, that within itself will ruin the marriage. (Not saying you are a slut or anything, I don't know you.)

You should do yourself and this guy a favor by breakup with him and find someone that enjoys the same kind of lifestyle you enjoy.

Of course if both of you still have the hots for each other and can't make the relationship work, you can always become..........
Fu*k Buddies! LOL!

FYI:
You said, "......something where I'm attacked" I am not sure what you meant by this but if the guy is prone to violence just stay as far away from him as possible! Men that abuse women never get better and stop.... things usually get worse.... and in too many cases the woman gets killed. Be careful!

jsVR-4 · 11-05-2008, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunnyBunny516

My ex and I are trying to get back together and he wants us to go to couples therapy to make sure it can work. I'm the reason our relationship fell apart and I know it; I wanted to be wild and crazy and he wanted to settle down so I freaked out and just dropped him out of nowhere. He's completely the mellow half to my crazy side and I miss how we got on with eachother but I just keep thinking of us having a dr.phil type moment or something where I'm attacked.

anyone else have experience with a "relationship advisor"?

If you're wild and crazy, couples therapy isn't going to be fun for you.

It saved my relationship and has created a healthy environment for our son.. but we both went in ready to change what needed to be changed.

Wild & crazy doesn't really work for a long-term, committed relationship. If you find a good counselor, you're going to get ripped a new one for the first 6 months.

Also, why get therapy if you aren't married or have kids? There is no "one" person for you. Someone else will be just as good of a match, if not better.

SunnyBunny516 · 11-05-2008, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jsVR-4

If you're wild and crazy, couples therapy isn't going to be fun for you.

It saved my relationship and has created a healthy environment for our son.. but we both went in ready to change what needed to be changed.

Wild & crazy doesn't really work for a long-term, committed relationship. If you find a good counselor, you're going to get ripped a new one for the first 6 months.

Also, why get therapy if you aren't married or have kids? There is no "one" person for you. Someone else will be just as good of a match, if not better.

thanks for the advice....he said we needed a third party input when we discuss what we want because in the past I tended to run away from serious talks about things I do wrong.

I'm not saying I won't give up being wild and crazy now...i just didnt want to at 20 years old. I'm willing to compromise a lot of the going out actually. He is 25 so he's in a different stage in life than I am anyway but I want to try to make it work because i genuinely care about him and realize he's a lot different than the type of guys I normally attract.

we'll see how it goes, our appointment is on monday.

Tiffany Wantsmore · 11-05-2008, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anon10

Seriously..

She said she was partying and being wild and crazy? How can you try and blame this on the male in the relationship when the OP even came out and said it was her fault.

I wasn't blaming the male, nor the OP, despite the fact that she blames herself. There are two people in a relationship, that's all. Perhaps she she should stay in sometimes and he should go out and party with her sometimes ... that's compromise.