NEED advice!! please help (serious)

amberlynn · 10-15-2008, 01:40 PM

i have been with my bf for 2.5yrs. lately it seems nothing is right. He barely communicates with me, we never go out, he is always pissed, i feel he doesnt want me around, and he said he needs more space. I love him more then anything but im not happy with how he is with me anymore. he used to be happy to see me when i came home from work now he doesnt even notice im there. I think he wants to brake up but he said thats not what he wants so what do i do.. im unhappy with the way things are but id be more unhappy without him. Should i leave him (i think thats what he wants) or should i stay. i rather him be happier with out me then to stay with me and eventually hate me.

Al_Pal · 10-15-2008, 01:47 PM

how long has this been going on for?

i know i personally get in funks when its not even that im tired of my girl, but i just lack the inspiration to show her anything... and its usually based on some stress in my life that has nothing to do with her. Usually all it will take is just missing her at all to remind me of why i got so happy when id see her in the first place.

i bet if you give him some space he will remember why he wants you so much.

Lucky_ROA · 10-15-2008, 01:51 PM

Sit down with him, and expain to him what you just said to us. Ask him if theres something thats bothering him and try to help him out, otherwise I think your relationship is hitting the rocks

musclebound2007 · 10-15-2008, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynn

i have been with my bf for 2.5yrs. lately it seems nothing is right. He barely communicates with me, we never go out, he is always pissed, i feel he doesnt want me around, and he said he needs more space. I love him more then anything but im not happy with how he is with me anymore. he used to be happy to see me when i came home from work now he doesnt even notice im there. I think he wants to brake up but he said thats not what he wants so what do i do.. im unhappy with the way things are but id be more unhappy without him. Should i leave him (i think thats what he wants) or should i stay. i rather him be happier with out me then to stay with me and eventually hate me.

I know how this must feel. Eventually as a relationship goes on, especially if you got together when you were young, can eventually come down to people resenting each other. Love just does go away sometimes. That's just how life is, I guess.

Best thing to do, as a previous poster said, is to sit down and talk to him about this. Basically, both you guys need to get whatever is on ya'll chest, out on the open. Speak to each other, learn what's up and then go from there. Otherwise, he just keeping **** to himself, isn't doing anything. And make sure you let him know this, not so much in those words, but you know how to communicate to him, he's your boyfriend.

Raoul_Duke · 10-15-2008, 02:03 PM

You are 20? MOVE ON! Is he the same age or younger / older?

amberlynn · 10-15-2008, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raoul_Duke

You are 20? MOVE ON! Is he the same age or younger / older?

he is 23! but i love him i dont want to move on! but i guess i have no choice i feel like no matter what i do i cant make him happy

tid-bit06_old · 10-15-2008, 02:30 PM

It takes two people to be in a relationship. Sounds like you are the only one present currently. You've been with him long enough, just sit him down. He will either sort of break down and let you in on what's going on with him...or clam up and be extremely aggitated or defensive.

If the latter happens...you best let him go, girl. There is something extremely shady going on. Do you think he might be cheating? Is he acting differently towards people in general...or just you? Is there any other things he's been doing different than "normal"?

user23960508710783 · 10-15-2008, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynn

i have been with my bf for 2.5yrs. lately it seems nothing is right. He barely communicates with me, we never go out, he is always pissed, i feel he doesnt want me around, and he said he needs more space. I love him more then anything but im not happy with how he is with me anymore. he used to be happy to see me when i came home from work now he doesnt even notice im there. I think he wants to brake up but he said thats not what he wants so what do i do.. im unhappy with the way things are but id be more unhappy without him. Should i leave him (i think thats what he wants) or should i stay. i rather him be happier with out me then to stay with me and eventually hate me.

Don't wait for him to act. You are reacting too much to him.

Take the initiative. Do something that he likes a lot. Make an effort that he enjoy seeing you. Do nice things for him. Be nice in general. If you do this and he still gets pissy, it's time to move on.

user23960508710783 · 10-15-2008, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tid-bit06

It takes two people to be in a relationship. Sounds like you are the only one present currently. You've been with him long enough, just sit him down. He will either sort of break down and let you in on what's going on with him...or clam up and be extremely aggitated or defensive.

If the latter happens...you best let him go, girl. There is something extremely shady going on. Do you think he might be cheating? Is he acting differently towards people in general...or just you? Is there any other things he's been doing different than "normal"?

What if the problem is something that SHE is doing?

amberlynn · 10-15-2008, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tid-bit06

It takes two people to be in a relationship. Sounds like you are the only one present currently. You've been with him long enough, just sit him down. He will either sort of break down and let you in on what's going on with him...or clam up and be extremely aggitated or defensive.

If the latter happens...you best let him go, girl. There is something extremely shady going on. Do you think he might be cheating? Is he acting differently towards people in general...or just you? Is there any other things he's been doing different than "normal"?

he is stressed alot and so am i! he is usually only pissy with me i dont think he would ever cheat on me but he can be shady! i love him and i want to make it work. Im not going to sit here and pretend to be perfect because im not at all. i get bitchy and i nag i i know i do more of it because he is being weird with me.so im sure thats pissing him off too. its a f*cked up cycle . I dont know i guess we will either pull through it or call it quits

amberlynn · 10-15-2008, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jean-Paul4447

What if the problem is something that SHE is doing?

it could be me but i dont know

user23960508710783 · 10-15-2008, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynn

he is stressed alot and so am i! he is usually only pissy with me i dont think he would ever cheat on me but he can be shady! i love him and i want to make it work. Im not going to sit here and pretend to be perfect because im not at all. i get bitchy and i nag i i know i do more of it because he is being weird with me.so im sure thats pissing him off too. its a f*cked up cycle . I dont know i guess we will either pull through it or call it quits

Then fix what you can -- your behavior.

musclebound2007 · 10-15-2008, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jean-Paul4447

What if the problem is something that SHE is doing?

What could she be doing? She's in love with this dude, I have no idea how someone could be doing something bad, when they're in love with someone. He's the one being irritable, as if he doesn't know what he wants. He's acting like I used to act, when I started feeling strain from being in a committed relationship. It's just something that has happened to me in the past, and if that's what it is, I can empathize with the dude.

tid-bit06_old · 10-15-2008, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jean-Paul4447

What if the problem is something that SHE is doing?

I wasn't putting the blame on him alone. I was just asking if there were signs of cheating. I was just saying something is amiss here. Something is causing him to act this way...for whatever reason.

If he's stressed like she says, why is he taking it out on her? She said herself that she can be a bitch to him and she nags (but what women doesn't, it's in our blood). Just trying to get to the crux of the problem...

Raoul_Duke · 10-15-2008, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberlynn

he is 23! but i love him i dont want to move on! but i guess i have no choice i feel like no matter what i do i cant make him happy

Make him happy by making yourself miserable? Does that sound right to you???