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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: North Carolina, United States
Age: 28
Stats: 5'11", 171 lbs
Posts: 114
BodyPoints: 9293
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The Road Less Traveled; the Struggles to Improve Physique
This is narrative writing session I had to do for a college level writing class. It wasnt that difficult but my class was blown away with it, thought someone on here like it. It was written for MLA standard formatting, which forums wont support, so it looks a little rough.
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The road to self improvement is never an easy one. This is even more evident when one is taken away from their comfort zone. Rather you are looking to change sleeping habits from first shift to third or moving to a new country where your language is not the primary spoken, making a life style change is difficult. Eating habits and activity levels are two of the most difficult things to change about ones self due to mental strain, physical pain, and social transition. The endless path is a rocky landscape littered with pit traps and easy-outs at every turn. The longer you stay on the path, the more you take away from the experience. Taste the challenges for a week and you?ll take a way an empty feeling of defeat. Stay the course for a life time and you will redefine your self as a person.
Twenty-two months ago I was lethargic, mediocre, and over weight with very little to no self respect. I weighed two hundred sixty six pounds with a body fat making up thirty two percent of the total, for visual reference that would be seventeen five-pound bags of sugar spread evenly under my skin. To walk up the stairs I had to do an off beat shuffle half pulling myself up by the railing and pushing with my legs. Walking around a mall for a lengthy time would result in my feet and joints hurting. It was difficult and embarrassing buying new clothes; getting pant sizes with a 44 waist and 32 legs was very rare. Normally I would have to buy pants that were grossly too long for me and then hem a quarter to a third of the legs off. Often men with large frames, while being over weight, have a great amount of muscle hidden beneath their well fed exterior. This was not me. While not only having over 80 lbs of fat I also had very little muscle mass. Little enough in fact I couldn?t do one push up or pull sit up, and was limited to only 10 crunches.
What was the cause of this bloated and unattractive body? The same things that causes the other sixty percent of American adults and thirteen percent of their children to be obese as well: convenience. It wasn?t that I had a lack of understanding in health; information on how being healthy leads to longer life expectancy, more self esteem, and higher energy levels is everywhere! The idea that eating, and being, unhealthy is simply more convenient than eating what the human body is meant to eat. For years I had thought about trying to get into shape. Just try, if for no other reason than to create an excuse. If I puttered around with healthy food for a week and didn?t lose any weight I would find solace in blaming my genetics for being fat; surely the fault couldn?t be placed squarely on my shoulders. Like many, I too wanted to blame someone else for my current fitness level.
A point came where I grew tired of the emotional struggle. I was sick of accepting this body. There was an alternative and I would find it. There was no day, time, or set place I remember coming to this epiphany, it was a realization: I was pouring more mental effort into making excuses to myself to not to live a healthy life style than it would to actually be healthy. The choice to take action would set me on a journey that continues to this day. I would refocus. I would set goals. I would succeed.
The first hurtle I came to was understanding that fitness is, in itself, very complex. There is more to it than throwing weight around and eating things with low fat. I bought books, read online, and asked my doctor ways to get in shape. After building a sold understanding on where to begin, I hit the floor running, so to speak. First thing I did was quit smoking, drinking, and eating junk food. I refused to give in, regardless how rough the withdraw symptoms, no matter how bad the head aches. It wouldn?t last forever; I would endure. It lasted for much longer than I wanted but I made a commitment to myself, hell or high water I would not fail. At every bend there was another bottle of booze, one more friendly cigarette offering, and more free meal invitations. Did friends know how difficult it was saying no? Why would they ask several times? After a point, I told them to quit asking. As fat began to melt off, the feeling of success became a reality. This made it even more difficult to continue. I was forced to reinvent new goals to keep continuing. As weight loss goal was hit, another was made. New diets, new cardio, and sheer pride were my weapons; lethargy, mediocrity, and self doubt their targets. Set backs came and goals failed. Everyone fails. It?s not failure that defines ones character; it?s the reactions to those failures that show your inner strengths. Others can ?accept you for who you are?, but I had the perseverance to change myself for the better. It was intoxicating.
Once I began looking at every barrier not as a hindrance to progression, but as an opportunity to conquer, I decided there as more to fitness than fat loss. I got a membership at the local YMCA and started weight training. This opened a whole new chapter into physical pain and the difficulties to continue. The choice to not smoke and drink with friendly offers was easy compared to finishing a last repetition on a lift. With smoking, the urge passes, they are expensive, it smells bad; countless reasons to not smoke. Lifting on the other hand, the pain, the trembling, and chance for injury where so easy to make go away. All I had to do was let the weight fall, rack it, or have the spotter take over. Doing this of course meant one thing: defeat.
Lifting the weights had to do with improving fitness, of course, but that?s only the outside. Having the mental strength to endure is what separated me from those other sixty percent who could not. Lifting weight had become a metaphor, the gym a symbol. I would not let the weight fall, I would not fail my commitment, and I would widen that separation. The burning, the shaking, and pain all became tools.
Once I reached a point, the YMCA no longer offered me the needs I had for a gym so I changed to ?Achieve fitness?, a more hardcore style of gym. A large weight room replaced the cramped weights of the YMCA. Wrinkled old bodies and family goers I had surpassed were replaced by monsters of men resembling shaved gorillas. While my goal was never to look like a silver back, these men were fuel; their lifetime commitment showed. If they can endure, so can I.
To me, the next difficult point in being reborn with mental and physical fortitude was the easiest. My friends, rather they knew it or not, were doing everything they could to hold me back. The offers of easy outs continued, even after asking them to stop asking. One needs to understand these people were also terribly out of shape. Worse, they didn?t care. Where I once made excuses to why I had no self esteem, they accept it willingly. I personally believe they tempted me with vices purposefully. They wanted to see me fail so they would feel better about never trying at all. This is what made it easy for me to leave my social group of 10 years and meet new people. Many things are a matter of perspective. What kind of friend would want you to fail just to bring you down to their level? If misery loves company, as does mediocrity, lethargy, and indifference.
While I had come a very long way in a year, I was still no where near the level of physique many of the athletes at my new gym. In the beginning of my fitness career I would have never had the nerve to talk to many that frequent this new gym, however I now had the self respect to approach some. Many I found were great people. They had done what I had, only for much longer; apply the same commitment and self discipline to other aspects of their life that they had in lifting. All had college experience with many being very successful. I saw the future me in them. Now some of these people, men and women alike are my friends. Success breeds success. When you are surrounded by positive examples of people of all ethnic backgrounds of both sexes and high set of moral code, it only reinforces the drive to continue bettering yourself.
The final struggle I have personally been faced with, was one I never seen coming. How far is too far? Between expensive supplements and the near ostracism of others who choose to live life on a more casual stroll, sometimes I wonder if I should tone it down. Is there a difference between striving for near perfection in body, mind, and heart, and simply being obsessed? I think so. I believe if one focuses on perfection constantly, they can narrow their scope of vision and leave out other important aspects of life. One important thing to keep straight is the tolerance of those who follow different lifestyles. While I?m happy I have made the choices I have, it?s still very necessary to respect the choices others make even if they?re not my own; because I do it doesn?t mean everyone should. While pride and self-confidence swell, it?s important to keep a concrete separation between self respecting and egotistical.
Everyone knows the benefits to eating proper, healthy sleeping habits, and maintaining an active lifestyle. People can choose to accept their current state, dwell on their short comings and be miserable, or makes changes to improve. While walking down the road the fitness I have reshaped my body, without a doubt. The loss of one ninety eight pounds of fat and acquired 25 pounds of muscle mass are testament. However, the things that have changed the most are who I am on the inside. I love myself now, which also allows me to love others. I put my all into everything I do. Any amount of pain, mental struggles, and inconvenience is worth my new outlook on life.
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Thanks for reading.
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