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  1. #1
    bout tree fiddy mblouir's Avatar
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    Guide to Airplane Sex (pics) (for the ladies)

    Airplane Sex Guide

    For your own safety and comfort and that of your fellow passengers and crew, please observe the following regulations when engaging in in-flight sex.

    Sex While Seated
    Regulations require that you keep your seatbelts fastened at all times when seated. Therefore, only oral and manual sex are permitted in the main cabin. If you desire privacy, you may request a blanket to conceal your activities.



    Autofellatio

    This option is always available to our passengers who prefer to self-suck. To avoid head injuries, make sure your tray table is secured in its upright and locked position.



    Hand Job

    To initiate a hand job, unzip the fly of the passenger seated immediately next to you, freeing his penis. Grasping the shaft firmly, use a brisk up-and-down motion until climax is achieved. Flight attendants may provide moist towelettes for cleanup. Hot towels are available to our first-class passengers.



    Blow Job

    To initiate a blow job, unzip the fly of the passenger seated immediately next to you, freeing his penis. Rotate your torso 90 degrees and flex at the waist until your mouth contacts the recipient's hard on. Move head up and down as indicated.

    Passengers who are unable or prefer not to swallow may use the paper receptacle bags located in the forward seat pocket. After use, give the bag to a flight attendant for disposal.
    Last edited by mblouir; 09-12-2008 at 10:24 PM.
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  2. #2
    bout tree fiddy mblouir's Avatar
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    Sex in the Lavatories
    For the comfort and consideration of all passengers, we request that couples limit their sessions to 15 minutes or less, whether or not climax is achieved. Please engage the "Having Sex" sign on the lavatory door so that you will not be disturbed.

    To facilitate sex in the close quarters of an airline lavatory, may we suggest the following positions. Due to the size of the facilities, threesomes are prohibited.
    Seated sex positions are recommended if the airplane encounters turbulence.
    We must remind you that smoking after sex or tampering with a lavatory smoke detector are federal offenses.



    Blow Job (Sitting)

    If emergency fecal evacuation is required, this position may be used for performing a blumpkin maneuver. In this case, be sure the commode lid is OPEN.



    Blow Job (Standing)

    If you do not swallow, please spit into the commode, or alternately, the sink.



    Cunnilingus

    To avoid being overwhelmed by a foul odor, be sure that the commode lid is shut before your female partner is seated. If the commode is closed and you are still overwhelmed by a foul odor during cunnilingus, we suggest your partner review basic hygiene procedures. Unfortunately, due to space considerations, an in-flight bidet is not available.



    Fingering (Seated)

    After inserting a hand into your partner?s panties, digitally stimulate her clitoris using up-and-down, side-to-side, or circular motions. If you cannot locate the clitoris, refer to the detailed diagram on the other side of this card.



    Intercourse - Doggy-Style Against Sink

    Save time by using this position to wash your hands or fix your makeup while having sex.



    Intercourse - Sitting on Sink

    Avoid activating the faucet in this position or you?ll end up with an extra large wet spot.
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  3. #3
    bout tree fiddy mblouir's Avatar
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    Intercourse - Sitting on Commode

    To maintain the aircraft's equilibrium, we ask that passengers refrain from riding the baloney pony too vigorously during flight.



    Intercourse - Standing Against Commode

    If you prop one foot on the toilet, make sure the lid is closed. Failure to do so may result in a sprained ankle or accidental loss of footwear.










    i lol'd at blumpkin
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  4. #4
    Peeing through a strainer MistyT's Avatar
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    ahhh **** man...i can barely fit into an airplane bathroom by myself...
    I Owe:
    ________
    GloboRick
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  5. #5
    500 Internal Server Error trek_6k's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    ahhh **** man...i can barely fit into an airplane bathroom by myself...
    You might wanna delete that................................
    "The wise know too well their weakness to assume infallibility; he who knows most, knows best how little he knows."

    -Thomas Jefferson
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  6. #6
    49ers Fan 4 Lyfe hublife's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    ahhh **** man...i can barely fit into an airplane bathroom by myself...
    that sucks.
    The answer is to never be full of sh!t
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  7. #7
    Peeing through a strainer MistyT's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by trek_6k View Post
    You might wanna delete that................................
    just getting it out of the way before someone else says it
    I Owe:
    ________
    GloboRick
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  8. #8
    Banned SumblimeStyle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    just getting it out of the way before someone else says it
    would still probably hit it (yes drunk)
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  9. #9
    Registered User 7Happy7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    just getting it out of the way before someone else says it
    thats the second time you siad something like that. people werent even going to say it. strong paranoid about being that popular
    "Nothing is more painful to the human mind than, after the feelings have been worked up by a quick succession of events, the dead calmness of inaction and certainity which follows and deprives the soul both of hope and fear." - Mary Shelly

    "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality." - John W. Gardner
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  10. #10
    Full reset brah pedobearu_aware's Avatar
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    Bump. This is important info.
    May the Jeep Brah be with you
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  11. #11
    Banned ThaifooN's Avatar
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    am i the only one that got a boner
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  12. #12
    Registered User Irish_John's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThaifooN View Post
    am i the only one that got a boner
    This.
    -Sperrys and Polos-
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  13. #13
    Registered User vik_man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThaifooN View Post
    am i the only one that got a boner
    no sir.
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  14. #14
    Knight of Death Dealer JMuskle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SumblimeStyle View Post
    would still probably hit it (yes drunk)
    Would let her try some techniques on me..
    I rep back, just saiyan
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  15. #15
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    ahhh **** man...i can barely fit into an airplane bathroom by myself...
    i would still have sex with you
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  16. #16
    ᕦ(_ˇ)ᕤ jonB89's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by torontoSauga View Post
    i would still have sex with you
    Have you seen her tits though?
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  17. #17
    BreesieBabby
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    Originally Posted by torontoSauga View Post
    i would still have sex with you
    this...



















    lolque? (kinda lez) (but not really)
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  18. #18
    Statistical Anomaly komrade's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    just getting it out of the way before someone else says it
    Stats: 5'0'', 187 lbs

    that might have something to do with it
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  19. #19
    Registered User Mike1991's Avatar
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    alwways wanted to do this, good post OP
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  20. #20
    Registered User danielMSF's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    just getting it out of the way before someone else says it
    Where the hell have you been? More importantly. Why the F*ck did you come back?

    You're so annoying.
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  21. #21
    prepare yo anus peteypistol's Avatar
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    ok, I learned absolutely nothing new from this....?
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  22. #22
    gangster of 3.14(89) pie89's Avatar
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    ... but everyone will see both of you going in and out together.
    bit suss non?
    fatmorph
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  23. #23
    prepare yo anus peteypistol's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MistyT View Post
    ahhh **** man...i can barely fit into an airplane bathroom by myself...




























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  24. #24
    ᕦ(_ˇ)ᕤ jonB89's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by danielMSF View Post
    Where the hell have you been? More importantly. Why the F*ck did you come back?

    You're so annoying.
    Urine idiot.

    Look at the post date.
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  25. #25
    Registered user ducktales's Avatar
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    sorry im late guise. had to grab some equipment....
































































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  26. #26
    Banned tyrek04's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by peteypolak275 View Post



























    ****ttt... dem tits though.. texas appreciate a pair lol
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  27. #27
    КОКАИНУМ Douglas_Quaid's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThaifooN View Post
    am i the only one that got a boner
    In
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  28. #28
    Full reset brah pedobearu_aware's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ducktales View Post
    sorry im late guise. had to grab some equipment....
    [img]http://courses.cit.cornell.edu/his452/Whaling%20Pictures/harpoon.jpg[img]
    I raise you
    May the Jeep Brah be with you
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  29. #29
    Calling Out Misc Bullsh*t eLjay28's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThaifooN View Post
    am i the only one that got a boner
    lmao
    How does the root of all evil make us all smile, make us feel as we're more alive living life. Good liquor, good fortune, and good wealth. Whatever happened to good mornings and good health? Or good books and knowledge of oneself. Used to want to be rich forever. If you ask me now I just wanna be free forever.

    Lift Heavy in memory of ssj4veggeto1008 my bruh

    Ghetto Baby to 1k a day CEO
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  30. #30
    Registered User SubXero's Avatar
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    in on first page
    Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousands pound of whey, I am the oats that starts your day. I am the squats down to the grass, I am the gains in your muscle mass, When your strength begins to drift, I am the rush that helps you lift. Of helpful bros that inspire I am your charm when the bunnies 'mire Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die. Son of Zeus Brother of Hercules Father of Aesthetics "The King"

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