Handling unwelcome comments and questions with tact and grace

[liftnlady]

I know this topic has been covered before, but I had a hard time finding specific threads that addressed this...so if you have any ideas or can point me to a thread, thanks!

Background info: About five months ago I set a goal to get in the best shape of my life by my 48th birthday (a few days ago), and I'm happy to say that I did meet the goal.

I had been training almost two years and had lost weight and gained a bit of muscle but had not really cleaned up my diet or trained in a really thoughtful way. I suppose I was sort of at a standstill in my training.

So I decided to get some help from a trainer. He helped me with a diet plan and taught me how to workout more effectively and efficiently by setting more specific goals and then designing a routine to meet them.

I feel really great and am happy with the results so far. The problem is the reactions I am getting from others.

For example, I work in a school, and when I went back to school recently I got a lot of comments from people like "You're so skinny!" "Did you lose MORE weight?" "Eat something!" "You're getting too muscular!" "You look terrible!" "Have you seen a doctor?"

Then today on my way out of the gym, a woman I speak with once in a while said, "You don't even need to come here." This is not the first time she's said this to me. I never know how to respond to that comment. So today I responded by saying, "But what would happen if I didn't come?" She then asked me what I weighed and how often I come to the gym. I answered and asked her how often she comes. She answered and I asked her how she feels, she said not good because she has five pounds around her stomach she wants to lose. And then she said, "It's the bread, I know."

I told her I had cut out most bread and that my trainer helped me a lot with diet but that I was no expert on diet. I don't want to be giving diet advice to people, especially if they don't ask for it.

My question is how do you handle these types of comments? I'm looking for a few simple things to say to change the subject when people feel the need to make comments in a negative or insinuating way. I'm happy to help people if that's what they want, but usually I don't feel like that is their purpose....

[ToraAdams]

You set a goal and accomplished it! You got what you wanted I mean how many times can you say in your life you thought I look exactly the way I want to look?

I'm very impressed and inspired by how hard you worked .

I understand there are joy stealers doubters and haters. Know that this is just as much a challenge to overcome as the extra fat pad you had to bust your ass to conquer .

Its not their comments that is the issue its the fact that it bugs you and creates self doubt. Why are you doubting yourself don't you beleive your worth saving?
I know its not true as your actions prove otherswise.

Doubt is always around just like M&M's and Chala bread (my two favorites) you chose what you put in your mouth you can also chose what you let in your heart!!! Or take to heart.

Don't take it personally your a winner and an inspiration to all those doubters. Your accomplishments is a call for them to take up the same challenge you did. Its just human rebellion against the call to battle ,the one that requires you save your own life!!!

Have a great day
keep up the great work and thank you for sharring this

[liftnlady]

Originally Posted by ToraAdams

You set a goal and accomplished it! You got what you wanted I mean how many times can you say in your life you thought I look exactly the way I want to look?

I'm very impressed and inspired by how hard you worked .

I understand there are joy stealers doubters and haters. Know that this is just as much a challenge to overcome as the extra fat pad you had to bust your ass to conquer .

Its not their comments that is the issue its the fact that it bugs you and creates self doubt. Why are you doubting yourself don't you beleive your worth saving?
I know its not true as your actions prove otherswise.

Doubt is always around just like M&M's and Chala bread (my two favorites) you chose what you put in your mouth you can also chose what you let in your heart!!! Or take to heart.

Don't take it personally your a winner and an inspiration to all those doubters. Your accomplishments is a call for them to take up the same challenge you did. Its just human rebellion against the call to battle ,the one that requires you save your own life!!!

Have a great day
keep up the great work and thank you for sharring this

Thanks Tora! I don't know if I'm exactly how I want to look as there's always more to improve, but it does feel good to set and attain a major goal.

I like what you said about the self-doubt. I guess people have been putting doubt in my head with these comments. I start wondering whether they're right, maybe I am getting too skinny, or too muscular, but then when I look in the mirror or at my progress pics I don't see that at all!

Sometimes I've even wondered if getting in shape is worth it if people are going to freak out so much about it. Talk about self-doubt. :-(

But I really hated being overweight. I'll take this state over that one any day, and just like you said try to ignore it.

[terribletriad]

Originally Posted by ToraAdams

You set a goal and accomplished it! You got what you wanted I mean how many times can you say in your life you thought I look exactly the way I want to look?

I'm very impressed and inspired by how hard you worked .

I understand there are joy stealers doubters and haters. Know that this is just as much a challenge to overcome as the extra fat pad you had to bust your ass to conquer .

Its not their comments that is the issue its the fact that it bugs you and creates self doubt. Why are you doubting yourself don't you beleive your worth saving?
I know its not true as your actions prove otherswise.

Doubt is always around just like M&M's and Chala bread (my two favorites) you chose what you put in your mouth you can also chose what you let in your heart!!! Or take to heart.

Don't take it personally your a winner and an inspiration to all those doubters. Your accomplishments is a call for them to take up the same challenge you did. Its just human rebellion against the call to battle ,the one that requires you save your own life!!!

Have a great day
keep up the great work and thank you for sharring this

Great advice!

[DemetriaF]

I've learned to expect the worst, this way I'm never disappointed or surprised when folks say the wacky things that they do. And also, I enjoy feeling delightfully surprised when someone says something that's actually complimentary or nice.

[Tishalicious]

YAY for you liftnlady!

I'm suspecting that people don't want to be told that they have to sacrifice any of their crappy lifestyle to get the results they are truely after.

I get the glares at parties when I skip the potatoes and bread and just eat salad, cheese and meat. "Are you sure you don't want bread with that? Have some bread. Live a little!"

I've had some co-workers comment about me losing size and I'm scared to tell them how much I actually eat through the day and that I lift weights rather than starve and do lots of cardio.

I think there is a stigma.

That's why these boards are so important - we support each other and learn from each other.

[kimm4]

Congrats on the awesome progress you've made!! In all these years, I've pretty much learned to ignore everyone LOL!! I don't even take compliments well...because right after the compliment I have to hear the excuse about why they look the way they do...(you all know what I'm talking about!!)

I work in a woman's clothing store and I've lost count of the number of women who insist they have a thyroid problem...just ridiculous!!

[liftnlady]

Originally Posted by DemetriaF

I've learned to expect the worst, this way I'm never disappointed or surprised when folks say the wacky things that they do. And also, I enjoy feeling delightfully surprised when someone says something that's actually complimentary or nice.

They do say wacky things, and they really catch me off guard most of the time when it happens. It sounds like, from your post and the others here, that the comments are something you just get used to after a while and take with a grain of salt.

Originally Posted by Tishalicious

YAY for you liftnlady!

I'm suspecting that people don't want to be told that they have to sacrifice any of their crappy lifestyle to get the results they are truely after.

I get the glares at parties when I skip the potatoes and bread and just eat salad, cheese and meat. "Are you sure you don't want bread with that? Have some bread. Live a little!"

I've had some co-workers comment about me losing size and I'm scared to tell them how much I actually eat through the day and that I lift weights rather than starve and do lots of cardio.

I think there is a stigma.

That's why these boards are so important - we support each other and learn from each other.

Thanks Tish! I think you're right, there is a stigma. Against what though? Against women lifting weights, or against working hard to be fit? Maybe both...and probably because of what you said, people don't really want to sacrifice.

Originally Posted by kimm4

Congrats on the awesome progress you've made!! In all these years, I've pretty much learned to ignore everyone LOL!! I don't even take compliments well...because right after the compliment I have to hear the excuse about why they look the way they do...(you all know what I'm talking about!!)

I work in a woman's clothing store and I've lost count of the number of women who insist they have a thyroid problem...just ridiculous!!

Thank you, Kimm! This is all sort of new to me, and I'm nowhere near in the kind of shape you and a lot of the other women on this board are in. I can only imagine that you do get a lot of comments, and general weirdness from some people.

Ignoring the comments seems to be the most logical thing to do!

[nunu713]

I wouldn't say I get unwelcomed comments persay, but I have had people at the gym ask me why I do this. I tell them because I don't look the way I want to yet. Then I shove my ear buds back in my ear so they know the conversation is finished

On the flip side, I have had people that they want to look like me. That's always a compliment!

[windsrprk]

Ugh, I used to get comments like "You don't need to workout, you're so skinny!" before I ever started any training. These comments came from people who did not know what my clothes were hiding. It was cellulite city!

Nowadays I don't get a lot of comments (do get the odd stare though). If I did I would respond with something like "Being fit and healthy is a lifestyle, not something I do for six weeks then put aside for six months." Even if you have no plans to compete, you could say you are in training to do a competition in a year. This might get some people off your back. Keep up your efforts...you look great!

[liftnlady]

Originally Posted by nunu713

I wouldn't say I get unwelcomed comments persay, but I have had people at the gym ask me why I do this. I tell them because I don't look the way I want to yet. Then I shove my ear buds back in my ear so they know the conversation is finished

On the flip side, I have had people that they want to look like me. That's always a compliment!

It really blows my mind that people who actually take the time to go to a gym don't understand that working out is a lifetime commitment, that you can't just work out for six months and then be permanently healthy and fit.

And you do look great! :-)

Originally Posted by windsrprk

Ugh, I used to get comments like "You don't need to workout, you're so skinny!" before I ever started any training. These comments came from people who did not know what my clothes were hiding. It was cellulite city!

Nowadays I don't get a lot of comments (do get the odd stare though). If I did I would respond with something like "Being fit and healthy is a lifestyle, not something I do for six weeks then put aside for six months." Even if you have no plans to compete, you could say you are in training to do a competition in a year. This might get some people off your back. Keep up your efforts...you look great!

Thanks for the encouragement! Telling people I plan to compete, well it would be interesting to see their reactions to that, lol.

[Ashley_CZ]

I have been reading this thread, and I have a similar delima. I have been working out for a while, no major results yet, but some small changes. However, some negative comments have been coming from family, support system, and worst of all, my spouse. I am blown away by the fact that the people that I thought were supposed to be there for me, are pushing me down. It really hurts coming from my husband. He insinuates that I am over weight (which I am!), but he also doesn't want me to get muscular, which is what I want. What is a girl supposed to do!?!

[nunu713]

Originally Posted by Ashley_CZ

I have been reading this thread, and I have a similar delima. I have been working out for a while, no major results yet, but some small changes. However, some negative comments have been coming from family, support system, and worst of all, my spouse. I am blown away by the fact that the people that I thought were supposed to be there for me, are pushing me down. It really hurts coming from my husband. He insinuates that I am over weight (which I am!), but he also doesn't want me to get muscular, which is what I want. What is a girl supposed to do!?!

Stop listening to everyone and do what you want to do. You set your goal, you work to get there. People don't have to understand it, like it, or encourage it - but that's what will make achieving it even sweeter. I've always encountered people who don't understand, or think I'm obsessive, or even people who try to derail me. My favorite is the guy at work who always tells me about cake in the kitchen and that I look like I need it. Jerk - of course, he's the one with the beer gut.

Just take solace in the fact that you're doing something fantastic for your body and mind. Keep it up! The haters will always be there, it comes with the territory.

Of course, as for your husband, that's just a nasty thing to say/do. If he's upset because his wife is working so hard to have a slammin' body, then the problem lies with him - not you.

[Ashley_CZ]

Don't get me wrong, I love the way I feel after a work-out and the smaller clothes I get to shop for. But to have everyone around you put your dreams and goals down is a tough bite to chew. What I don't get is wouldn't a husband or significant other want thier wife to have a smokin' hot body?? Or am I just missing the punch line on something?

[thenewchamp]

Congratulations on your progress!! Awesome job! I went and still go through the same thing that you go through. Everyday, I get comments that can be discouraging and enraging.

I haven't always handled things with grace, when really nasty People were ugly, I would informed them that they are the reason I live this way...I never want to look like or be as unhappy as you, so I stay in the gym.

I've learned to just smile and walk away from them...don't let them bait you or make you doubt yourself. If you feed into their negativity they get some kind of power out of it and they won't stop doing it...Children at any age.

If you can't just walk away, thank them for the tip (put a sarcastic tone to it if you like) ...and then walk away. Don't argue with them at all, it will only bring you down. Its not your responsibility to give people the break down of your diet...they probably wont' understand. Just let them know you are eating healthier. Too much detail and you can see their eyes glaze over because cuz they really aren't interested.

The next step, do what you do...I get annoyed by people like that and the frustration helps me focus and kill it in the gym; then I blog on bodyspace in a rant...*sighs* better! Actually, I think I have a blog about it that starts with 'How dare you...' LOL!!

Good luck, keep your head up because you're beautiful

[Verti-gal]

Originally Posted by Ashley_CZ

What I don't get is wouldn't a husband or significant other want thier wife to have a smokin' hot body?? Or am I just missing the punch line on something?

A lot of times this comes down to how secure the spouse is in themselves and their level of jealousy. Some can be jealous of the attention received by their hotter spouse and afraid to lose them. Sometimes having a hotter spouse around makes them feel worse about their own body. So there are reasons why a husband would not want an extremely hot wife, but none of them are very good.

[Verti-gal]

I've dealt with some of the same issue. I've had people tell me I don't need to lose any more weight. Mind you none of these people wear a single digit size. I just tell them I have a bit more to go to have the body I want.

Women can be catty, especially in a female dominated environment like a school. Some of them will look at you and see how they failed on their diet and take it out on you. I've found the best thing to do is to brush it off and keep going. They want you to feel as bad about yourself as they do about themselves and I refuse to let them.

You look fabulous, congrats on the progress!

[Angela R]

I've never been told I don't need to work out or anything off the wall. I get like Kim said the you look great, I can't work out because of this that and ten other things. I used to be the "I'll help everyone get into shape" type attitude now I'm the "Oh really, wow that sucks <end conversation>"

I think Verti-gal touched a key point, woman are catty and for whatever reason hate seeing other women successful at something, especially a good body.

I'm kind of sarcastic by nature, so if I got a comment like "you are so skinny eat something" I'd come back with "looks like you are eating enough for both of us". I know...not so nice <shrugs> but I bet they won't say anything again!!! he he he <evil laugh>

Congrats on your success =) Cheers for more to follow!!

[solstice]

Possible replies...

"You're so skinny!" (Thank you!) "Did you lose MORE weight?" (Yes/no- (but)thank you!) "Eat something!" (No thank you, I'm not hungry) "You're getting too muscular!" (I know- I love it! Thank you!) "You look terrible!" (Sorry- I forgot to color my hair this month.) "Have you seen a doctor?" (Regularly, and they are thrilled with my health and my progress. Thank you.) "You don't even need to come here." (Yes- I do. How do you think I got to look this way? You don't get to this point, stop, and stay looking like this! *insert laugh here*)

Originally Posted by liftnlady

I know this topic has been covered before, but I had a hard time finding specific threads that addressed this...so if you have any ideas or can point me to a thread, thanks!

Background info: About five months ago I set a goal to get in the best shape of my life by my 48th birthday (a few days ago), and I'm happy to say that I did meet the goal.

I had been training almost two years and had lost weight and gained a bit of muscle but had not really cleaned up my diet or trained in a really thoughtful way. I suppose I was sort of at a standstill in my training.

So I decided to get some help from a trainer. He helped me with a diet plan and taught me how to workout more effectively and efficiently by setting more specific goals and then designing a routine to meet them.

I feel really great and am happy with the results so far. The problem is the reactions I am getting from others.

For example, I work in a school, and when I went back to school recently I got a lot of comments from people like "You're so skinny!" "Did you lose MORE weight?" "Eat something!" "You're getting too muscular!" "You look terrible!" "Have you seen a doctor?"

Then today on my way out of the gym, a woman I speak with once in a while said, "You don't even need to come here." This is not the first time she's said this to me. I never know how to respond to that comment. So today I responded by saying, "But what would happen if I didn't come?" She then asked me what I weighed and how often I come to the gym. I answered and asked her how often she comes. She answered and I asked her how she feels, she said not good because she has five pounds around her stomach she wants to lose. And then she said, "It's the bread, I know."

I told her I had cut out most bread and that my trainer helped me a lot with diet but that I was no expert on diet. I don't want to be giving diet advice to people, especially if they don't ask for it.

My question is how do you handle these types of comments? I'm looking for a few simple things to say to change the subject when people feel the need to make comments in a negative or insinuating way. I'm happy to help people if that's what they want, but usually I don't feel like that is their purpose....

[Rainessa]

I wish I had that end of the problem :P The comments I get still are "when are you expecting" or "really packing on the pounds huh?" Not sure if it hurts more from people who honestly think I am pregnant or those that are just trying to be "funny". I just have a stock response of no im not pregnant, I am struggling with a thyroid problem (which Im sure they think I am lying since its such a overused excuse). Its usually quite embarassing on both my end and the other person's end, especially if they asked with good intentions since I had gained close to 60 pounds in the course of a year.

[liftnlady]

Thanks for all the encouragement, congrats, laughs, and ideas! You ladies rock!

Maybe tact and grace aren't called for when they aren't used to begin with, lol.

Originally Posted by Ashley_CZ

It really hurts coming from my husband. He insinuates that I am over weight (which I am!), but he also doesn't want me to get muscular, which is what I want. What is a girl supposed to do!?!

You got some great advice on this, and remember it's your body, not his!

Originally Posted by thenewchamp

I haven't always handled things with grace, when really nasty People were ugly, I would informed them that they are the reason I live this way...I never want to look like or be as unhappy as you, so I stay in the gym.

I've learned to just smile and walk away from them...don't let them bait you or make you doubt yourself.

If you can't just walk away, thank them for the tip (put a sarcastic tone to it if you like) ...and then walk away.

The next step, do what you do...I get annoyed by people like that and the frustration helps me focus and kill it in the gym; then I blog on bodyspace in a rant...*sighs* better! Actually, I think I have a blog about it that starts with 'How dare you...' LOL!!

These are great tips, thanks! I would probably never dare say the first one, thought I might like to at times, lol. I will have to read that blog of yours...

Originally Posted by Verti-gal

I just tell them I have a bit more to go to have the body I want.

Women can be catty, especially in a female dominated environment like a school. Some of them will look at you and see how they failed on their diet and take it out on you. I've found the best thing to do is to brush it off and keep going. They want you to feel as bad about yourself as they do about themselves and I refuse to let them.

I've been noticing some of the women I eat lunch with acting sort of defensive and weird lately. It's been a bit uncomfortable. And chocolate chip cookies are suddenly appearing at the lunch table with regularity. I had a few bites of one yesterday but not today; I'm not falling into that trap!

But one of the women asked me quietly the other day about how I work out. I talked to her about really lifting versus mindlessly moving light weights around. Today she told me she added 10 pounds to all her exercises the other day and got sore. So that was good!

Originally Posted by Angela R

I'm kind of sarcastic by nature, so if I got a comment like "you are so skinny eat something" I'd come back with "looks like you are eating enough for both of us". I know...not so nice <shrugs> but I bet they won't say anything again!!! he he he <evil laugh>

This is actually perfect! And I bet they wouldn't say it again. I don't know if it's really "not so nice" since you're only making an observation about their body, just like they are doing about yours. ;-)

Originally Posted by solstice

Possible replies...

"You're so skinny!" (Thank you!) "Did you lose MORE weight?" (Yes/no- (but)thank you!) "Eat something!" (No thank you, I'm not hungry) "You're getting too muscular!" (I know- I love it! Thank you!) "You look terrible!" (Sorry- I forgot to color my hair this month.) "Have you seen a doctor?" (Regularly, and they are thrilled with my health and my progress. Thank you.) "You don't even need to come here." (Yes- I do. How do you think I got to look this way? You don't get to this point, stop, and stay looking like this! *insert laugh here*)

Very funny! Some of it is actually really useful though, a simple "thank you" and then move on.

Originally Posted by Rainessa

I wish I had that end of the problem :P The comments I get still are "when are you expecting" or "really packing on the pounds huh?"

People can just be so ignorant, no matter what! You will get where you want to be, just keep training and trying; it takes everyone different amounts of time to achieve their goals.

[nunu713]

It's not easy to do what we do. And there will always be people who don't/won't/can't understand it. If they could, they'd probably be like us!

Personally, I wrote my goals down on a piece of paper, and I keep them in my wallet. A quick glance at them after a comment from the 'haters' and my morale is right back on track.

[TrueNorth]

Originally Posted by liftnlady

Background info: About five months ago I set a goal to get in the best shape of my life by my 48th birthday (a few days ago), and I'm happy to say that I did meet the goal.

I had been training almost two years and had lost weight and gained a bit of muscle but had not really cleaned up my diet or trained in a really thoughtful way. I suppose I was sort of at a standstill in my training.

I feel really great and am happy with the results so far. The problem is the reactions I am getting from others.

I told her I had cut out most bread and that my trainer helped me a lot with diet but that I was no expert on diet. I don't want to be giving diet advice to people, especially if they don't ask for it.

My question is how do you handle these types of comments? I'm looking for a few simple things to say to change the subject when people feel the need to make comments in a negative or insinuating way. I'm happy to help people if that's what they want, but usually I don't feel like that is their purpose....

Congrats on meeting your goal!

I have been losing fat for one year, I'm at roughly 47 pounds lost, and counting. When I lost my first 20 pounds, things were great, and then I hit what I call the unspoken 'fat person' rules. To give an example of one of these rules, most over weight people have a friend that will encourage them on a weight loss journey, until you reach that other person's weight or size. The unwritten rule is, you're allowed to get as lean and healthy as you want, but you're not allowed to get smaller than that friend, or the fat fairy gives them a liscense to start hating or sabatoging you.

This is kind of similar to the lady at the gym, that you spoke of. When she says, " You don't even need to come here" she's not finishing her thought. What she's saying is "You don't even need to come here because you're leaner and fitter than me".

And as far as her saying "I have 5 pounds on my stomach to lose, and its the bread, I know", she doesn't finish that thought either. The end to that thought is, "....its the bread, I know, I just can't put the fork down".

Her comments are condescending but she tries to disquise them as compliments. Even if she thinks she's being nice, avoid her. She's never going to own her workout and diet disrailments, there will always be an excuse for her, whether it be glasses of wine, bread, or whatever, and it shows in her 5 pounds that she can't get rid of. Don't bother giving her advice about what to eat, she won't listen anyway, and it wastes your time. Its also none of her business why you go to the gym, that is your perogative.

I've learned to pick up on these people and their weird rules. I just respond with, "thank you, catch you later, bye!" regardless of what they just said, even if it makes no sense, and just walk away, it takes 4 seconds. I don't give them a chance to respond by the time their mouth is open, they're speaking to my backside, and because you say 'thanks' it makes them think that they gave you some great piece of advice.

I've learned not to give diet advice. My 'advice' if it can even be called that, is the same every time. Eat clean, weight train, cardio, water, vitamins, commitment and consistency. However, they want to hear its some magical drink that melts fat and cretes washboard abs all in the same sip.

[liftnlady]

Originally Posted by TrueNorth

Congrats on meeting your goal!

I have been losing fat for one year, I'm at roughly 47 pounds lost, and counting. When I lost my first 20 pounds, things were great, and then I hit what I call the unspoken 'fat person' rules. To give an example of one of these rules, most over weight people have a friend that will encourage them on a weight loss journey, until you reach that other person's weight or size. The unwritten rule is, you're allowed to get as lean and healthy as you want, but you're not allowed to get smaller than that friend, or the fat fairy gives them a liscense to start hating or sabatoging you.

I've learned to pick up on these people and their weird rules. I just respond with, "thank you, catch you later, bye!" regardless of what they just said, even if it makes no sense, and just walk away, it takes 4 seconds. I don't give them a chance to respond by the time their mouth is open, they're speaking to my backside, and because you say 'thanks' it makes them think that they gave you some great piece of advice.

I've learned not to give diet advice. My 'advice' if it can even be called that, is the same every time. Eat clean, weight train, cardio, water, vitamins, commitment and consistency. However, they want to hear its some magical drink that melts fat and cretes washboard abs all in the same sip.

Thank you and congrats to you on the 47 pounds lost so far!

The "unspoken 'fat person' rules" totally makes sense. Haven't seen that with everyone but have seen it with some overweight friends.

One friend I have has struggled to lose weight for a number of years (using programs like Jenny Craig and doing nothing but walking on a treadmill for exercise) but has only succeeded at gaining more. At a gathering a few weeks ago, she made several comments to me that were negative in nature.

We were wearing bathing suits (the host had a pool), and I actually dreaded wearing my bathing suit in front of all these women. I guess I'm aware of that unspoken rule as I normally tend to hide my body in baggy clothes around overweight friends so no one thinks I'm trying to show off!

[nunu713]

Originally Posted by liftnlady

We were wearing bathing suits (the host had a pool), and I actually dreaded wearing my bathing suit in front of all these women. I guess I'm aware of that unspoken rule as I normally tend to hide my body in baggy clothes around overweight friends so no one thinks I'm trying to show off!

Yes! This has happened to me before!! It's so weird, I worked so hard to get this body, and now I don't want to show it off because people have negative thoughts/remarks. I wish I had that modesty when I was 30 pounds heavier!

I've found myself wearing baggier clothes to family functions so I wouldn't have to get the diatribe from my mom and sisters. My one sister watches us like a hawk because she was anorexic in high school. Now any time one of us drops 5 pounds, she thinks we're anorexic. Maybe she feels guilty/responsible? Dunno - don't care to know.

Anyway, after a while, I realized that my behavior was typical of an abused person. Think about it - when you're being harassed, you do anything to try and make it stop. So if you're being harassed for looking attractive, you try to make yourself seem less attractive. Once I recognized this pattern of behavior, I stopped. I worked damn hard to look like this and no one is going to make me feel insecure about it. Maybe I come across like I'm showing off or a bitch, but I can live with that. I worked for it!

[bambifox]

Woot...woot! Congrats on meeting your goals. It's nice to see other "older" woman getting their "groove back" I get that crap all the time. Try not to let it bother you. It's a compliment...if you really think about it. I just think when people see that your trim and fit...they feel you have not a problem in the world...or "nothing to complain about"...ergo the "why are you even here" comments. Its ignorance really.

I'd just tell them..."hey...I didn't start out this hot...I worked for it...and the same thing that GOT me here is what will KEEP me here"

Biggups to all the "not so young in age" hotties here at bb.com...woot..woot!

[LiftingIsLife]

Originally Posted by liftnlady

"

Then today on my way out of the gym, a woman I speak with once in a while said, "You don't even need to come here." This is not the first time she's said this to me. I never know how to respond to that comment. .

easy. simply say, "oh yes i sure do. you'd never believe how big/fat/huge/your favorite overweight adjective/ i was before i started here"

and, yes indeed, you look GORGEOUS. i cant believe you are 48 !!

keep up the good work,
~lifer

[liftnlady]

Originally Posted by nunu713

Anyway, after a while, I realized that my behavior was typical of an abused person. Think about it - when you're being harassed, you do anything to try and make it stop. So if you're being harassed for looking attractive, you try to make yourself seem less attractive. Once I recognized this pattern of behavior, I stopped. I worked damn hard to look like this and no one is going to make me feel insecure about it. Maybe I come across like I'm showing off or a bitch, but I can live with that. I worked for it!

It's really not showing off though, is it? Wearing clothes that fit right, well that just makes sense.

Hiding under baggy clothes, well that just doesn't make sense, and it probably only makes you look "skinnier" to people anyway. No more baggy clothes! We do work too hard to look like crap in our clothes!

Originally Posted by bambifox

Woot...woot! Congrats on meeting your goals. It's nice to see other "older" woman getting their "groove back"

Biggups to all the "not so young in age" hotties here at bb.com...woot..woot!

Thanks! and ditto, a toast to all us "older" ladies, who instead of resigning ourselves to sinking fluffy bodies into fluffy couches are lifting hard iron for hard bodies! :-D

Originally Posted by LiftingIsLife

and, yes indeed, you look GORGEOUS. i cant believe you are 48 !!

keep up the good work,
~lifer

Thank you! That is the best present of all at 48, someone not believing it!

Saw the lady who made the comment to me at the gym today and I noticed how she mainly gabbed with a friend while doing her "cardio" on the treadmill while I was doing heavy squats.

So tonight I realized, who really doesn't need to be there? I don't have any space at home for a squat rack and olympic weight set!

But walking slowly and gabbing, well, you can do that just about anywhere! :-)

This article "We Hate Her" from Stumptous.com has been going through my head a lot this week as I thought about this thread and the issues in it: http://www.stumptuous.com/cms/displayarticle.php?aid=79

Thanks again to everyone for all their great feedback here. This thread has been incredibly validating and motivating for me. :-)

[jsmircich]

People often say to me "you don't need to lose any weight." I always shock them by saying "no I actually gain some weight" (muscle of course. I think it's hilarious at work how I eat all day longand go to the gym, while others diet (by not eating) and get mad at me for "staying so skinny." It's been happening for so long now that it just rolls off me. I do what I do for me and not others.

[HST]

Women are more jealous than men, generally.
I'd like to congratulate all the wimminz in this thread for their commitment, and don't let ANYONE make you feel bad about yourself.
As long as you're happy and feeling well, there's no reason to stop training hard.
Muscular women are smoking hot, too.
Only bad thing is that when a well defined/thin woman shows her physique, other less-gifted women seem to think it's just to boast and rub it on their face.
F*ck them, you worked hard, and you paid for that body with sweat, blood, tears, and money.
It's like a guy buying a Ferrari and not want to be seen riding it! Of course you'll make people jealous, that's the human nature.
But really, you gals deserve the best. Good luck achieving your goals.