Trust Issue (serious)

CCCP · 08-26-2008, 02:20 PM

Alright, a while ago I was friends with a girl with a bf. We got a little close and eventually she was doing things behind his back with me (I know it was wrong but at the time I was stupid) Forward to the future, I'm with someone else who is all mine. The thing is that when my gf does stuff to make me curious and kinda question her, she don't like it and says i don't have any trust in her. The reason is cuz i remember what the girl with the bf did to lie to her man when she was with me, so I know all the little tricks and all that. So when my girl does some of those things, I get very curious and have some trouble trusting her. I know it came to bite me in the ass for what I did, but is there any way I can start to change.

stealth_maven · 08-26-2008, 02:23 PM

Welcome to the rabbit hole, its karma baby.

Don't worry I've done the same things as you and have little trust.

But be happy, there isn't many people to trust these days anyway. Consider it a gift.

And btw, if there's no trust, there's no relationship. Good luck.

~~Aries~~ · 08-26-2008, 02:23 PM

Honestly all you can do is either trust her or not. It's as simple as that. No relationship can grow and flourish without trust, so while it may be working now it won't forever. Either let go of your past and put your faith in her or leave the relationship and find someone you can trust.

CCCP · 08-26-2008, 02:26 PM

I'm really trying my hardest. Like when shes texting I just look away and am not as nosey and all. But when she does it constantly when I'm with her, I tend to look at whose shes texting and she gets mad and says I don't trust her. I was thinking if I should tell her why I am like this so I can come clean with her or would that make it worse. Thanks for the help everyone

stealth_maven · 08-26-2008, 02:28 PM

Well honesty is yet another value of a relationship, along with trust.

If its really bothering you that much, I do say bring it up. Could bring you two closer in understanding of one another.

In fact I do recommend you doing this.

CCCP · 08-26-2008, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stealth_maven

Well honesty is yet another value of a relationship, along with trust.

If its really bothering you that much, I do say bring it up. Could bring you two closer in understanding of one another.

In fact I do recommend you doing this.

I think I will, cuz she thinks its cuz I don't trust her in general, I hope it does bring us closer

LeftNut · 08-26-2008, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CCCP

I'm really trying my hardest. Like when shes texting I just look away and am not as nosey and all. But when she does it constantly when I'm with her, I tend to look at whose shes texting and she gets mad and says I don't trust her. I was thinking if I should tell her why I am like this so I can come clean with her or would that make it worse. Thanks for the help everyone

Thats a respect issue not a trust one and is something that would annoy me aswell. If Im spending time with a girl then I expect to spending it with her and not her and her mobile. If the people she is texting constantly (once or twice I can understand) are so important that she cant wait until Im not there/out of the room or whatever then she may as well go a spend time with them instead.

Handle everything around the word respect and not trust and its pretty plain sailing because then girls cant play the 'insecure' card to make you feel like the bad guy and then carry on doing whatever they are doing. Trust is nothing more than blind hope.

stealth_maven · 08-26-2008, 02:33 PM

Yeah report back, I see it working. Maybe she'll be put back by the statements for a day or two, but she'll be back.

CCCP · 08-26-2008, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeftNut

Thats a respect issue not a trust one and is something that would annoy me aswell. If Im spending time with a girl then I expect to spending it with her and not her and her mobile. If the people she is texting constantly (once or twice I can understand) are so important that she cant wait until Im not there/out of the room or whatever then she may as well go a spend time with them instead.

Handle everything around the word respect and not trust and its pretty plain sailing because then girls cant play the 'insecure' card to make you feel like the bad guy and then carry on doing whatever they are doing. Trust is nothing more than blind hope.

true, i'll bring that up to

CCCP · 08-26-2008, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stealth_maven

Yeah report back, I see it working. Maybe she'll be put back by the statements for a day or two, but she'll be back.

I hope so to, cuz I messed up the last relationship with the trust thing, but I didn't tell her about my ordeal with the girl w the bf

ChristmasFnatic · 08-26-2008, 02:40 PM

I think this is "karma" too in a way that you are insecure for things you have done in the past, the "Im a cheater, so everyone else is too" kind of mentality.

Been there, done that. Im still struggling with it. Trust me, its as bad as being insecure cuz youve been cheated at before.

Best way is to make her understand your "issues" and try your best to control it as well. Tell her what bothers you too, etc etc etc.