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  1. #1
    Registered User TDetroit's Avatar
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    I lied to my wife. sad one.

    some of you know that she has stage 4 cancer. she just finished a round of chemo in mid-july. the doc wanted to take a break before switching to another chemo. the start of the new chemo would depend on the tumors and if they are growing.

    she has had many CT scans, but recently the doc wanted a PET scan. Well, you cannot compare the 2. A CT is a bunch of slices that you look at and mostly look for what is there and then make estimates. PET is a 3D image, it's pretty exact.

    Tuesday, the results came back. He wasn't happy, but didn't say anything. He just indicated that we needed a blood test to look for CEA. I forget what that is, but normal is 5. Above 5, means you "probably" have cancer, or if you already have cancer, any reading higher than your previous "probably" means your cancer is growing.

    Well, the PET showed big tumors. He didn't say it. But I figured it out. I asked him over the phone today if that was why he was unhappy. I guessed that he was hoping that the tumors were just bigger than he thought, the worse possibility is that they are growing.

    The previous CEA was 21 (down from 32, and 37 before that and a reading of much higher from before that). This reading was 40.4, almost double. That confirms the bad news. the tumors are growing.

    Well, we are going on vacation tomorrow. I consulted with my sister, one of our best friends, and a guy who's wife died form cancer last month. I decided to lie. I told her there was a foul up and they didn't have the results yet. they would call when they got them.

    She knows I lied, but I am sticking to it. Any doubt in her mind is good. I just want her to enjoy the vacation and not think about it. I have to tell her friday night, next week, when we get home.

    I've never lied to her before (well, except when I buy things - which are usually for her)
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  2. #2
    Banned dbx's Avatar
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    I had no idea. Sorry to hear this. Fwiw, I'd agree that your "lie" was with good intentions, and you shouldn't feel bad about it...at all. Best wishes.
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  3. #3
    sudo apt-get beer SP1966's Avatar
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    That sucks man, I am so sorry to hear it. I hope you two have a great and happy vacation and you and your family are in my prayers!!!
    Last edited by SP1966; 08-22-2008 at 05:34 PM.
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  4. #4
    Registered User anton54's Avatar
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    I would've done the same with my wife
    Have fun enjoy the vacation, and I hope all works out when you get back.
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  5. #5
    Triple Nine Society Jimislash's Avatar
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    I am very to hear about your wife's illness. My prayers are with you and your family.
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  6. #6
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    Best wishes to you & your family. Enjoy every single minute of it, and cherish those memories.
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  7. #7
    Plain Jane Who Lifts **** kimm4's Avatar
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    You are a loving husband with the best intentions...I can understand why you felt the need to tell her that Have a great vacation and be safe.

    You and your family are in my thoughts.
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  8. #8
    Sciatica sucks farsscf's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your wife. You did the right thing. Is radiaton therapy an option? My wife does the computer planning for it.
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  9. #9
    Registered User gbg's Avatar
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    don't feel bad you did it for a good reason, enjoy your vacation!
    Being a real lifter is not about a number, or a medal, or somebody else telling you that you are a real lifter. It is about commitment to the iron and strength of purpose.
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  10. #10
    struggling with diet Geoff Richards's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by gbg View Post
    don't feel bad you did it for a good reason, enjoy your vacation!
    X2

    Prayers sent your way
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  11. #11
    ɹəsn pəɹəʇsıƃəɹun CaptChip40's Avatar
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    These stories tear me up. Like you said she knows you lied, if you guys have been together long she can tell. She sounds like a great women and your a lucky and good man for trying to lessen her (and your) burden. Enjoy you vacation as best you can and make some memories. Wish I could offer something comforting or helpful but...
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  12. #12
    Trying 2 B Awesome BuckSpin's Avatar
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    Very sorry to hear this. Don't be so hard on yourself. Enjoy & treasure this time.
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  13. #13
    Registered User Tifflex's Avatar
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    Best wishes.
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  14. #14
    Phoenix Rising IronIc's Avatar
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    Enjoy your vacation time together!
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  15. #15
    Registered User MagnumXL's Avatar
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    Red face You did right

    I am so sorry to hear about this. But I think you did the right thing.

    If it were me, I would opt out of any additional chemo. It seems to sap all joy and energy. I have decided that unless there are good chances it will actually work...no chemo for me if/when I get cancer. Want them to aggressively take care of pain and discomfort and make the best of my time.

    You will both be in my prayers tonight.
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  16. #16
    Registered User TDetroit's Avatar
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    Wow, mostly I just had to let it out. Thanks to everyone for the kind words.

    Originally Posted by farsscf View Post
    Sorry to hear about your wife. You did the right thing. Is radiaton therapy an option? My wife does the computer planning for it.
    no, too many spots. over 20 in the liver (some real big), several in the lungs and another real big one in the colon. (cecum when you tell you wife. in the upper corner where it can escape detection for a long time.

    Originally Posted by CaptChip40 View Post
    These stories tear me up. Like you said she knows you lied, if you guys have been together long she can tell. She sounds like a great women and your a lucky and good man for trying to lessen her (and your) burden. Enjoy you vacation as best you can and make some memories. Wish I could offer something comforting or helpful but...
    my sister says I am incapable of lying. I did my best though.

    Originally Posted by MagnumXL View Post
    I am so sorry to hear about this. But I think you did the right thing.

    If it were me, I would opt out of any additional chemo. It seems to sap all joy and energy. I have decided that unless there are good chances it will actually work...no chemo for me if/when I get cancer. Want them to aggressively take care of pain and discomfort and make the best of my time.

    You will both be in my prayers tonight.

    actually, the Doc seems to quietly harbor the opinion that the nuisance of chemo is not as bad as the all over pain. She would have to go to morphine and be gone months before she died if she opted out of the chemo. not a way to go - just lingering and not even know you are alive. people coming and going and not even knowing who they are or why they are there.

    like my cousin said, morphine is the last pain med you'll be prescribed in a situation like this. say your goodbyes before the first dose.

    alright, she'll go to the pool and watch 2 of the kids swim, I'll take the other 2 hiking. we'll drive to clingmans dome so she can get to the top of a mountain. maybe there will be some fishing for some of the kids. would like to go to the aquarium or something. weird, the whole town of gatlinburg seems to be owned by ripley's (believe it or not). who would've thought that.

    we'll get some good eats at the italian restaurant east of the town (by the grocery store) and pancke house on the day we leave.

    I like to avoid pigeon forge. what a zoo!
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  17. #17
    Exposed to Gravity partsRheavy's Avatar
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    Best wishes. You're in a really difficult situation and U did the right thing.

    Enjoy Tenn. and vacation!
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  18. #18
    Canis Belli Whiskeyjack's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dbx View Post
    I had no idea. Sorry to hear this. Fwiw, I'd agree that your "lie" was with good intentions, and you shouldn't feel bad about it...at all. Best wishes.
    This about says it all for me. Good luck. Give her a good time.
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  19. #19
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    Originally Posted by TDetroit View Post
    some of you know that she has stage 4 cancer. she just finished a round of chemo in mid-july. the doc wanted to take a break before switching to another chemo. the start of the new chemo would depend on the tumors and if they are growing.

    she has had many CT scans, but recently the doc wanted a PET scan. Well, you cannot compare the 2. A CT is a bunch of slices that you look at and mostly look for what is there and then make estimates. PET is a 3D image, it's pretty exact.

    Tuesday, the results came back. He wasn't happy, but didn't say anything. He just indicated that we needed a blood test to look for CEA. I forget what that is, but normal is 5. Above 5, means you "probably" have cancer, or if you already have cancer, any reading higher than your previous "probably" means your cancer is growing.

    Well, the PET showed big tumors. He didn't say it. But I figured it out. I asked him over the phone today if that was why he was unhappy. I guessed that he was hoping that the tumors were just bigger than he thought, the worse possibility is that they are growing.

    The previous CEA was 21 (down from 32, and 37 before that and a reading of much higher from before that). This reading was 40.4, almost double. That confirms the bad news. the tumors are growing.

    Well, we are going on vacation tomorrow. I consulted with my sister, one of our best friends, and a guy who's wife died form cancer last month. I decided to lie. I told her there was a foul up and they didn't have the results yet. they would call when they got them.

    She knows I lied, but I am sticking to it. Any doubt in her mind is good. I just want her to enjoy the vacation and not think about it. I have to tell her friday night, next week, when we get home.

    I've never lied to her before (well, except when I buy things - which are usually for her)

    Truely sorry to read about the terrible time your wife and yourself are going through. I can relate to the situation. When I was 20 my older brother found out he had cancer. He was 27. He died 18 months later. As most family members would do during his time of suffering, mine would see to his every need. Get me this, get me that, do this for me, do that for me etc. I was a little different. I never treated him as if he was crippled. I told him to get off his ass and get it himself. Of course I helped him, but I didn't baby him to the point of reducing him to less than a man. Years later my older sister told me that he really appreciated the fact that kept him above the rest of the world. I didn't reduce his self worth and he needed that at the time. My point being, when you look back years from now, you can look into your wife's eyes and heart, and know your reasoning was the right thing to do.
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    wow man...I had no idea.

    First off. Prayers for your wife and all of your family.

    Second....I respect your decision. Can't say I agree or disagree with what you did because I have NEVER had to face anything like this. I trust you know her well enough to know what is best in this situation. Rest easy that your intentions were pure
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    Deb and I will keep you and yours in our thoughts.I just don't know what else to say. I'm sorry.

    Mike
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    I am very sorry to hear this. I wish you and your wife the best of luck and you are in my thoughts. I have been married for 13 years and I could not imagine going through what you are going through.
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    My prayers are with you and your family. You are quite a strong individual and it sounds like your wife is as well. Keep fighting!
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    So sorry for you, and yes that was a good lie to tell.
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    Thumbs up

    Originally Posted by TDetroit View Post
    some of you know that she has stage 4 cancer. she just finished a round of chemo in mid-july. the doc wanted to take a break before switching to another chemo. the start of the new chemo would depend on the tumors and if they are growing.

    she has had many CT scans, but recently the doc wanted a PET scan. Well, you cannot compare the 2. A CT is a bunch of slices that you look at and mostly look for what is there and then make estimates. PET is a 3D image, it's pretty exact.

    Tuesday, the results came back. He wasn't happy, but didn't say anything. He just indicated that we needed a blood test to look for CEA. I forget what that is, but normal is 5. Above 5, means you "probably" have cancer, or if you already have cancer, any reading higher than your previous "probably" means your cancer is growing.

    Well, the PET showed big tumors. He didn't say it. But I figured it out. I asked him over the phone today if that was why he was unhappy. I guessed that he was hoping that the tumors were just bigger than he thought, the worse possibility is that they are growing.

    The previous CEA was 21 (down from 32, and 37 before that and a reading of much higher from before that). This reading was 40.4, almost double. That confirms the bad news. the tumors are growing.

    Well, we are going on vacation tomorrow. I consulted with my sister, one of our best friends, and a guy who's wife died form cancer last month. I decided to lie. I told her there was a foul up and they didn't have the results yet. they would call when they got them.

    She knows I lied, but I am sticking to it. Any doubt in her mind is good. I just want her to enjoy the vacation and not think about it. I have to tell her friday night, next week, when we get home.

    I've never lied to her before (well, except when I buy things - which are usually for her)
    My wife went through breast cancer, radical masectomy, 26 radiation treatments, Chemotheraphy... almost 10 years ago.

    She had terrible complications as well.

    One thing I did. I prayed unceasingly and did not leave her alone at anytime in the hospital. Someone was always with her to assure her comfort as best I could facilitate it.

    Do your absolute best to believe and pray for healing her body, the doctors evidence indicates otherwise. That is why faith is evidenced (made known) by things not seen.

    I'm not trying to be preachy... I did this and my prayers were answered. I still have my wife, and things are very normalized nowadays.

    If you were asked to do something brave and noble that possibly placed your own life in peril to save your wife you would probably gladly step forward to do it.

    Prayer and a humble heart are very precious to the Lord. Don't think something as simple as prayer is inadequate. Do all you can that you believe you should do, but also pray. I read the scriptures aloud each night by my wifes bed side. She didn't feel like discussing much of anything. I knew I didn't have much within myself (biblical faith). I relied upon the scriptures to help with those things I did not know to think or ask.

    God is very much alive, and he is in the business of answering prayer and blessing those who call upon his name.

    << Hebrews 11 >>
    King James Bible

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
    2 For by it the elders obtained a good report.
    3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
    4 By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh.
    5 By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God.
    6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
    7 By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith.
    8 By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went.
    9 By faith he sojourned in the land of promise, as in a strange country, dwelling in tabernacles with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise:
    10 For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
    11 Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.
    12 Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable.
    13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
    14 For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country.
    15 And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned.
    16 But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.
    17 By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac: and he that had received the promises offered up his only begotten son,
    18 Of whom it was said, That in Isaac shall thy seed be called:
    19 Accounting that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead; from whence also he received him in a figure.
    20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come.
    21 By faith Jacob, when he was a dying, blessed both the sons of Joseph; and worshipped, leaning upon the top of his staff.
    22 By faith Joseph, when he died, made mention of the departing of the children of Israel; and gave commandment concerning his bones.
    23 By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents, because they saw he was a proper child; and they were not afraid of the king's commandment.
    24 By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter;
    25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;
    26 Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.
    27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible.
    28 Through faith he kept the passover, and the sprinkling of blood, lest he that destroyed the firstborn should touch them.
    29 By faith they passed through the Red sea as by dry land: which the Egyptians assaying to do were drowned.
    30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down, after they were compassed about seven days.
    31 By faith the harlot Rahab perished not with them that believed not, when she had received the spies with peace.
    32 And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets:
    33 Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions.
    34 Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens.
    35 Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection: 36 And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment:
    37 They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented;
    38 (Of whom the world was not worthy they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
    39 And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise:
    40 God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.

    I will believe with you for your precious wife to be healed, my prayers are with you.
    Last edited by domineaux; 08-22-2008 at 08:06 PM.
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  26. #26
    Do it or don't do it... tomdana's Avatar
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    No different than when you buy something for her and hide it.

    First of all Prayers are with you and your wife. Second, you just gave her a gift more precious than what you could buy and hide from her. I am so sorry to hear of your wife's illness. It is so clear that you love her dearly. I will be praying for joy and happiness for you and your family at this troubling time.
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    Registered User joestrom2002's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TDetroit View Post
    some of you know that she has stage 4 cancer. she just finished a round of chemo in mid-july. the doc wanted to take a break before switching to another chemo. the start of the new chemo would depend on the tumors and if they are growing.

    she has had many CT scans, but recently the doc wanted a PET scan. Well, you cannot compare the 2. A CT is a bunch of slices that you look at and mostly look for what is there and then make estimates. PET is a 3D image, it's pretty exact.

    Tuesday, the results came back. He wasn't happy, but didn't say anything. He just indicated that we needed a blood test to look for CEA. I forget what that is, but normal is 5. Above 5, means you "probably" have cancer, or if you already have cancer, any reading higher than your previous "probably" means your cancer is growing.

    Well, the PET showed big tumors. He didn't say it. But I figured it out. I asked him over the phone today if that was why he was unhappy. I guessed that he was hoping that the tumors were just bigger than he thought, the worse possibility is that they are growing.

    The previous CEA was 21 (down from 32, and 37 before that and a reading of much higher from before that). This reading was 40.4, almost double. That confirms the bad news. the tumors are growing.

    Well, we are going on vacation tomorrow. I consulted with my sister, one of our best friends, and a guy who's wife died form cancer last month. I decided to lie. I told her there was a foul up and they didn't have the results yet. they would call when they got them.

    She knows I lied, but I am sticking to it. Any doubt in her mind is good. I just want her to enjoy the vacation and not think about it. I have to tell her friday night, next week, when we get home.

    I've never lied to her before (well, except when I buy things - which are usually for her)
    That's not a lie, that's Love. God bless you both.
    Joe
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  28. #28
    Registered User mikieson's Avatar
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    Very sorry to hear about your wifes pains. There is nothing like hearing your wife has cancer and could die.

    Right after my wife had our first child she had a mole come up on her neck. Turns out it was cancerous and she was about a year from dying.

    They had to take out her "spelling" limphnodes in her neck. That left her a scar around her neck. She also "later" had the limphnodes on the other side taken out.

    She is as far as we know clear of cancer. We dont really know, as we dont have health insurance to keep up with it.

    All I can say is good luck and keep faith in whatever GOD you follow....Peace..
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    best wishes and prayers to you all...
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    Originally Posted by mikieson View Post
    She is as far as we know clear of cancer. We dont really know, as we dont have health insurance to keep up with it.
    You're the guy who chose to stay home while she works, right? Just want to be sure I'm clear on this. So she has a job that doesn't offer health insurance...and you've chosen not to try to find a job that does. Jesus, you have to be a troll. Just tell me you're a troll and I'll feel better, OK?
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