Funny quotes

[Inscrutable]

We have Inspirational quotes. Let's get some funny ones listed now.


I will start:


Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (no man hate)

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. (no man hate)

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."




Disclaimer: I didn't write 'em, but I sure did laugh at 'em.

[NotBigEnough206]

Originally Posted by Inscrutable

We have Inspirational quotes. Let's get some funny ones listed now.


I will start:


Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (no man hate)

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. (no man hate)

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."




Disclaimer: I didn't write 'em, but I sure did laugh at 'em.

funny stuff, and damn true too

oh snaps

[Keltron]

"Never rub another man's rubarb!"
The Joker from the first Batman film

[K-T]

These are all by Homer Simpson:

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'"

And my absolute favorite: "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel."

[Esoteric-Amal]

Originally Posted by Inscrutable

We have Inspirational quotes. Let's get some funny ones listed now.


I will start:


Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (no man hate)

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. (no man hate)

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."




Disclaimer: I didn't write 'em, but I sure did laugh at 'em.

The lawls is strong in this thread.

[HbK0610]

Originally Posted by Inscrutable

We have Inspirational quotes. Let's get some funny ones listed now.


I will start:


Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (no man hate)

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. (no man hate)

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."




Disclaimer: I didn't write 'em, but I sure did laugh at 'em.

These are great!!!

[Keltron]

Originally Posted by K-T

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'"

Lol, I can relate.. I hope some day the word "sir" will not precede the words "can you please step out of the car?".
Homer is a G... How'd you find these? did you look them up or are they ingrained into your memory?