Getting a lot of flack - how do you handle it?

[nunu713]

I'm about 2 weeks in to the cutting diet and training program that my fitness coach/nutritionist devised for me. I must say, it's working out quite well. I haven't cheated at all, and I don't even have any cravings. When I go out on weekends, I bring my meals with me, and at restaurants, I order a salad with grilled chicken and no dressing. I feel a lot better mentally (the 'what-am-I-doing-wrong' merry go round has finally ceased) and I feel like I'm making great strides towards my goal of dropping body fat.

The trouble is that when my friends see me bring meals places, or see what I eat, they give me a lot of beef. They ask me why I'm doing this when I'm already the thinnest one in the group? They tell me that I already do eat healthy and what did I need a nutritionist for? I tell them that I eat this way because I don't look the way I want to, yet. That prompts the obvious question of 'how do I want to look'. I tell them that I want to really lean out, to show muscle definition and maybe I'll think about a fitness competition down the road. Then they ask me why on earth I would want to do that? Because I do! I don't understand why it's so hard for them to grasp. And why they won't leave me alone about it.

I'm curious to hear how everyone here deals with 'non-believers', 'haters', people who just want to derail you, and people who just don't understand. How do I make them leave me alone?

[littleblkninja]

You've already answered their questions, even when technically you didn't have to. If they won't support you and they constantly ridicule what you are doing, you will have to make your eating plan and competing off limits for conversation. They don't get it and they may never will. Pretty much pointless to talk to them about it unless they wake up and encourage you.

[NOVA888]

I get a lot flack for what I eat (more like what I won't eat), but you just get used to it after awhile. Now I'm just like "Yeah, yeah,whatever" when folks start digging in on the fact that I won't eat carbs and fruit and stuff.

Nothing more to say other than live your life for yourself, do what you know is right--and revel in the results! All that counts in the end is that it's working for you.

[ChicagoChef]

Just ignore ignorance...

[JoyP]

I've had a whole load of this today...
I'm 2 weeks into a cut, had a family gathering today, I ate before I went & had planned a meal for when I returned home. So there was a lot of questions because I didn't eat with everyone else. Long story short they all think I'm to 'skinny' already (hate being called SKINNY!) and think I'm starving myself... I found myself trying in vain to defend my choice to eat healthy and exercise! They'd all be much happier if I were over weight and unfit like the rest of the family, sad but true...

[gecko...]

I think alot of it is people wanting you to pig out and eat cr@p so they feel better for doing the same. Lots of people (I hate to say it, but women especially) dont really want to see their friends achieve what they themselves dont have the motivation to do.

Just give them a smile, eat your chicken and salad and rub it in their face when you next go to the beach and show off your lean, muscular bod

[tiffy_sugar]

I know exactly how you feel...I get so much crap from my husband and his family about what I will or won't eat. And I have gotten those questions about why I would ever want to lose body fat, "well how do you want to look?", "What? Do you WANT to look like a dude?"... you name, I've heard it. You do get used to it and you have to look at it from this perspective: You have alot of will power to do what your doing and many people envy that. They don't have the dedication that you do and when others see yourself bettering your body and looking fantastic, they get jelous because they want what you have without doing the work. If they are TRUELY your friends and you ARE NOT shoving your lifestyle in their face (which yes, in the begining I did to some people because I was angry with them...wrong thing to do), then they will stick around and support you. I usually just tell people "listen, what matters is how I SEE MYSELF...not how anyone else sees me. Looking the way I do or will in the future because of the changes I've made for myself is what makes me happiest and thats what matters. I am not forcing you to join me in what I do and I am doing it only for myself."

[freebirdmac]

This is where having my food intolerances and allergy comes in handy. I simply can't eat junk or processed food. Heck I can't eat a lot of clean food. So I get the opposite reactions. It's either "Well at least you'll always be thin" to "I wish I had that problem then I'd be thin too." So taking my food everywhere, not eating at office parties, not eating the junk people bring in to work, etc doesn't bring me any flack.

I've suggested this before, a little white lie can get you off the hook when you don't feel like dealing with the flack. Just claim food intolerances

[twobugsmom]

I am with Freebird on this...just say you are on an "elimination diet" to help figure out what foods you are having problems with.

Unfortunatley I too have found that people are generally not happy when you are doing something healthy to get to a desired state when I am sure you already look pretty good. It's kind of jealousy I think....it won't change.

I am 8 days into a great cutting diet my trainer helped me with, it's hard core but it's working out nicely. Trust me it's not going over well with anyone except me and him. SO after much debate my line is "I am eliminating dairy for a while b/c I have been having digestion issues" that ends it ....since most things have diary in them it works.

Good luck, don't let it get to you....

[kitebean]

Believe me, in time, they will get used to it

[K-T]

People will give you a lot of crap at first, and then they just get used to your eating habits and give up. Or they start asking you for advice, or at least some of my friends have. They ask me to make them nutrition plans (although they never follow them and it's annoying that I waste my time on it).

My mom used to think I had an eating disorder and never ate anything. She would joke about it but also call to make sure I was eating, or invite me over for dinner. Then when she realized I have chicken and veggies and cottage cheese in my purse at all times, she was a little shocked. Her and my sisters look at me like an alien when I pull out a meal every two to three hours. They can't believe I eat that much, when they barely eat anything at all but look nothing like me. Or when I'm with them when I have a cheat meal, they can't believe their eyes (3 pieces of chocolate cake last time, and I don't even like chocolate cake that much lol)...

[nunu713]

That's what I love about this site - so many people understand what you're going through. My friends at work have come to accept it - I just ask that they don't bring vending machine food into my office. My really close friends don't understand it, but they'll accept it. The tangential ones, not so much, but fortunately, I don't see them as much. I probably won't be seeing my family until Thanksgiving and thank God for that, because they'll be all over me - just like they were at Easter. My uncle kept telling me to gain 10 pounds - when that was the amount I had just lost. Pain in the @ss.

I like Freebird's suggestion of food intolerances. It was no secret that dairy and I never quite got along. Maybe I'll play that up a bit - thanks! :-)

[cleanfreak]

Wow, do we live the same life? I go through the same things almost every day. I have the biggest lunchbox in the fridge at work because I eat every two hours, and when I travel for work I bring an ice chest of food and ask the hotel to give me a fridge for my room (which they always do). Everyone gets on my case for being too neurotic (I probably am), too skinny (I definitely am not), and having an eating disorder (which I do but its none of their business). But they also tell me they are impressed by my hard work and ask me to help them design nutrition plans (which they never use).

My best line of defense is to be an example - I live and eat healthfully and it SHOWS. If you want to eat like everyone else, you're going to LOOK like everyone else.

My second line of defense is to tell them I am allergic. No one questions an allergy.

And my third line of defense is to get over it. I don't owe them an explanation for taking care of myself any more than they owe me one for eating crap all the time.

Hang in there and keep up the great work!

[Megin]

I'm curious to hear how everyone here deals with 'non-believers', 'haters', people who just want to derail you, and people who just don't understand. How do I make them leave me alone?

There really isn't a need for deception (you never really want to go down that path w/ anyone for any reason)

If you don't act like it is a big deal when you order a salad sans dressing, they won't really bring it up.
If they do, mutter something (ie: I like it that way) and change subject. When they see you are not interested in a discussion, they usually clam up as well

No need to be defensive about your decisions as they aren't defending their cheese burger.
And you may also be surprised at how great an influence you can be to people you care about

[freebirdmac]

There really isn't a need for deception (you never really want to go down that path w/ anyone for any reason)

If you don't act like it is a big deal when you order a salad sans dressing, they won't really bring it up.
If they do, mutter something (ie: I like it that way) and change subject. When they see you are not interested in a discussion, they usually clam up as well

No need to be defensive about your decisions as they aren't defending their cheese burger.
And you may also be surprised at how great an influence you can be to people you care about

I agree with this to a point. There are just some people and situations where as confident and duck like you are, well they just don't give up. Not to mention times in our lives, PMS, stress, etc. where we just don't have it in us to deal with it. There's no perfect answer or come back for every circumstance. You gotta judge each instance as it comes along, and each person who is doing the questioning.

[jsmircich]

I get that a lot from my side of the family and my husbands (he's a clean eater as well) At work they've given up asking why I bring a cooler. I think they've realized I'm the only one not constantly dieting to lose those last 5-10-15lbs and they realize I won't change. They've never stopped asking if I want tak-out or Dunkin Donuts, but I think they're just being polite and asking, not expecting me to actually get anything. They'd probably have a heart attack if I said yes. I've been doing this for so long now that most people don't ask questions anymore and if they do I usually say "I just eat really healthy" and won't discuss it any further.

[1972girl]

I agree with this to a point. There are just some people and situations where as confident and duck like you are, well they just don't give up. Not to mention times in our lives, PMS, stress, etc. where we just don't have it in us to deal with it. There's no perfect answer or come back for every circumstance. You gotta judge each instance as it comes along, and each person who is doing the questioning.

I get the "they just don't give up" at work alot. If I go into the break room and people are have cake,cookies or doughnuts I get aleast three people tell e over and over how im skinny and just eat the cake," it's not going to hurt you" and " your no fun,just eat the cake". I dont mind if someone offers me food but when I say" no thank you" that should be the end of it.

[Twerp]

I actually bought a mini-fridge for my office - best $129 I've spent in a long time! I sometimes go buy groceries at lunch!

Don't buckle, and before long you'll have people start asking for little tips and advice.... most people want to be in shape, they just don't know how. Imagine yourself as inspiration for those around you! Living healthy is something to be proud of, not to shy away from.

Granted, it's a little easier being a guy, because we torment each other a lot. My friends used to make fun of me all the time, but then I'd always ask them when their baby was due cause they looked pregnant, or I'd comment on how cute their muffin top was..... Now most of my friends have started training as well

[nunu713]

Don't buckle, and before long you'll have people start asking for little tips and advice.... most people want to be in shape, they just don't know how. Imagine yourself as inspiration for those around you! Living healthy is something to be proud of, not to shy away from.


Actually, all of my college roommates said they lost weight while living with me :-)

And I get people at work inviting me to birthday cakes, goodies, and the like. But I think they just tell me about the gatherings to be nice and so I know I'm invited. I don't think they actually expect me to partake nor are they trying to derail me. My work friends have actually caught on the quickest - probably because they see me the most often!

[Freestyla_21]

I get this all the time from people at work. "Geez your going a bit overboard on the food" "Oh you want to look good, you must be gay". etc etc. I eat what I eat because I know it's good for me and it's healthy.

Food is simply a fuel thats burnt and processed and depending on what it is will then have a negative or postive impact. Bad fuel and the engine won't run well. So yeah, lets eat crap because it looks good then look like crap as a result. Food is temporary, your body is permanent. I guess that would make for a good sayin that would instantly shut anyone down "Eat bad, look and feel bad. Eat well, look and feel well." I get far more satisfaction from what I look and feel like than from the way a cheat meal tastes and makes me feel. I eat what I eat because I enjoy it and the human body fascinates me. Everything in moderation. Transforming and manipulating the body into something YOU want is massive, and something that us humans actually have control over yet most of us chose to be lazy because it's easier that way. Anyway enough of my ranting LOL, i'm only a newbie to this anyway.

Don't let the negatives bring you down, rise above them. Your friends are only jealous of the way you look and your confidence and determination will overpower them anyway. They will quickly see that nothing they can say or do will change that. Most likely they will join you in your quest.

Oh and by the way, the female section of BB.com rox

Cheers, Scott.

[FitChick08]

Nice reading that im not the only one with issues. People at work used to make fun of what im eating...asking me why i would want to subject myself to constant eating all day long. I always have everything i need for the day in my big lunch bag. But after a while they started coming to me with questions abt working out and nutrition. The worst thing is that the bf now thinks i might be taking "this fitness thing" too far. Says i might be obsessed...lol. Nowadays i just laugh it off...coz i know what I need to do and why I am doing what im doing it. Just shake the haters...and keep on lifting.

[nunu713]

The worst thing is that the bf now thinks i might be taking "this fitness thing" too far. Says i might be obsessed...lol.

Ah, I LOVE when people tell me I'm taking this 'fitness thing' too far. I've been told that I'm obsessed before. To that, I reply that I'm turning my body into the way the human form was always meant to be. How is that a bad thing? People usually don't have an answer to that

[cleanfreak]

Here's a fun side effect of being the person who is too fanatical about diet and exercise - not being able to get any work done because all of your "clients" are in your office bragging about their weight loss. I had one co-worker lose 3 pounds this week, another came to show me how loose her jeans are, and a third came and asked me to help her design a workout plan. I think they're starting to catch on that there might be something to this clean eating thing.....

And we started a wellness program at work and I get to put together the plan!

So keep it up, eventually they'll get it!

[littleblkninja]

I get this all the time from people at work. "Geez your going a bit overboard on the food" "Oh you want to look good, you must be gay".

LOL! Heaven forbid a straight male actually cares what he looks like!

[lauren921]

Okay...this is mean, but when people give me flack I just tell them that I would rather eat this and look like me than eat that and look like you!

[Delaylah]

Okay...this is mean, but when people give me flack I just tell them that I would rather eat this and look like me than eat that and look like you!

Agreed

[youngster13]

Yeah i know what your saying im bulking healthy. All the guys are like why do you want to eat healthy thats so lame. and im thinking to myself im gonna be buff my senior year and your going to be a tub of lard (fat A@#) so i just smile

[FitChick08]

And it is for this exact reason i posted that i think im losing the bf. I dont think he can handle me getting my self esteem back by working out and feeling good abt myself.... . Sad long weekend.

[kiksu]

I have a lot of food intolerances(long list) therefore I don't really have a choice because many foods out there have hidden ingridients, I don't know what's in it. So basically I must bring prepared meals with me.