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  1. #1
    Registered User TulaNguyen's Avatar
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    Competition rebound, anxiety, depression, and TERRIBLE insomnia

    Hey guys,
    I competed in the Hurricane Pro about 9 weeks ago (9/24/2016) and I was very shredded. I was on 18 weeks prep and it was EXTREME! I lost 34 lbs in 18 weeks, I was about 8-9% body fat on stage, about 86 lbs and i'm 5'1. I placed 5th and I was very happy with my placing. A week post show I couldn't sleep for a single hour! My body was too depleted that it just kept waking me up to find food after my cheat meal on the night show and Sunday. I told myself I would never let the rebound happen but it did because of my terrible insomnia and I couldn't sleep at all (Literally ZERO sleep for 7 days straight!), I was exhausted, laying on my bed and couldnt sleep so I had to eat every one hour (mostly fruits, honey), like everything my body craved just to satisfy it so i can go to sleep. Since then my sleep is still up and down, it has been 9 weeks post show but my insomnia is still very very bad. I went to see the doctor 3 times and have tried many sleep aids (ambien, xanax, somatomax,etc.) but still not effective. Once I had a week that I slept almost everyday (yay!), but last week was horrible, I couldn't sleep for a whole week again. 7 days in a row without sleep and I have tried everything I could, I was too desperate that I called 911 and asked if they could give me a anesthesia or anything that could just knock me out. I have been depressed and having anxiety due to the extreme prep I had for the show (first time I had zero sleep at night was 2 weeks out from the show) and it got worse as the show came closer and still happening now. I didn't change anything for peak week for show day, still drank water, ate my meal plans, no carb-up or cut down on sodium or water. I haven't weigh myself because of my anxiety but I know I have gained at least 25lbs back, I can only workout when I have some sleep at night and when I can sleep, I try to workout a little bit harder and still do cardio. I don't know what's happening now. The terrible insomnia has impacted everything in my life, my mental and my body. The first thing I do every morning is looking at myself in the mirror and it makes me so depressed... I have changed so much and it was out of my control... I wish I could control it and do a reverse diet but it didn't happen. Am I being too harsh on myself mentally and physically? I want to take a break from the bodybuilding world and just enjoy my life with the family this holiday, try to fix my health and my sleep first then getting back in shape but it's so hard to think like that. I wish I could get rid of the bad body image thinkings, I'm starting to accept that I've gained weight, half of me thinking that it's ok, it's normal for me because I need my period/hormones back, but half of me still feeling disgust and regret that I could not do a reverse diet. I'm lost...
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  2. #2
    Registered User ewolf2's Avatar
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    It sounds to me like you stressed your body and now you are mentally stressing over everything. Honestly after such an extreme prep a break is not a bad idea at all. I always relax for a little while after a tough prep to let my body relax and reset. You may want to look like you did on competition day all year long but for most it is not healthy or practical. Focus on your family, regroup, enjoy some time off, and get some sleep!
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  3. #3
    Registered User jonnicola's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TulaNguyen View Post
    I'm lost...
    Start with some paragraphs...
    We're all gonna make it.
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  4. #4
    Registered User TulaNguyen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ewolf2 View Post
    It sounds to me like you stressed your body and now you are mentally stressing over everything. Honestly after such an extreme prep a break is not a bad idea at all. I always relax for a little while after a tough prep to let my body relax and reset. You may want to look like you did on competition day all year long but for most it is not healthy or practical. Focus on your family, regroup, enjoy some time off, and get some sleep!
    Thank you, I'm trying to open myself a little bit more to people. I have been listening to some advice and change my perspective about Insomnia, I'll try not to let it control my life and making things worse. Im also going to see a therapist on Tuesday to see if he can help me to solve this (not just insomnia but also my bad body image thinking, my self-estem). Hopefully I can get back to my normal life again. I was always happy and positive, and i'm a completely different person now after the show.
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  5. #5
    Registered User SkinnyFatCow's Avatar
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    Mental health (and physical health too) comes first! And wow that was an extreme prep you did so no wonder your body is fighting back. Yes keep going to therapy
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  6. #6
    Registered User TulaNguyen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SkinnyFatCow View Post
    Mental health (and physical health too) comes first! And wow that was an extreme prep you did so no wonder your body is fighting back. Yes keep going to therapy
    I decided to go on a vacation for 1 month and just relax and give myself a break. I have been working out for many years and not giving myself a chance to TRULY enjoy life. I think it's the right time to do this. Thank you!
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  7. #7
    Fat Loss Specialist PulseTraining's Avatar
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    Congrats on opening up about your trouble, that's not easy.

    You probably need to consider the whole picture beyond fitness and realize there are totally acceptable reasons to step away from the gym, or from your nutritional protocols. Living a balanced life, free from things like sleep aids and mental anguish from fitness, is more important than any trophy you could win. Check the women's competition forums and on BodySace to speak with others with similar experiences. Hope that helps!
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  8. #8
    Registered User TulaNguyen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by PulseTraining View Post
    Congrats on opening up about your trouble, that's not easy.

    You probably need to consider the whole picture beyond fitness and realize there are totally acceptable reasons to step away from the gym, or from your nutritional protocols. Living a balanced life, free from things like sleep aids and mental anguish from fitness, is more important than any trophy you could win. Check the women's competition forums and on BodySace to speak with others with similar experiences. Hope that helps!
    Thank you very much! Yes, I'm changing my mind and starting to fix the bad body image and my self-esteem too. I just want to reach out for the other competitors who might suffer the same things and let them know that they are not alone... and open to people about that because depression is serious. I'm more gentle with myself now, slowly making things better
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