Bingeing

[perf_ckt]

I am so sick of bingeing... and being bulimic in general.
it makes me so sad.


maybe im just not eating enough. it happens about every 4-5 weeks that i end up bingeing like crazy and getting upset (read depressed).


i dunno why im posting this here. but i suppose if anyone can help, its you guys.

[bambifox]

Although I'm not really too familiar with eating disorders...I can tell you that you look great! I think that alot of these "disorders" (ergo binge eating) are caused by a sense of "failure" when you don't eat on plan. Try to stick to your "good foods" list, but allow yourself one cheat meal per week. This may eliminate the guilt for you and subsequent bingeing. Hope this helps a little.

Originally Posted by perf_ckt

I am so sick of bingeing... and being bulimic in general.
it makes me so sad.


maybe im just not eating enough. it happens about every 4-5 weeks that i end up bingeing like crazy and getting upset (read depressed).


i dunno why im posting this here. but i suppose if anyone can help, its you guys.

[Maria316]

I don't have any experience with the purging part but I can tell you that once I stopped beating myself up over my "failures" (binging) and accepted what I did the whole destructive behavior started to lose its luster and its coming to an end, a slow end, but an end none the less. Sometimes you have to let go of your expectations for a quick fix and then things start to happen for you.

[Star9]

Sorry to hear you're having these problems. I believe that often this sort of behavior is a symptom of emotional issues-depression, loneliness, fear of failure, etc. I find it a better solution to look for where the problem is coming from and then it is easier to address the behaviors. That being said, I do also agree that trying to balance out the calories you consume throughout the day will also help. A long time ago, I would try to eat very little all throughout the day, but then come the end of the day, I'd want a HUGE meal. That doesn't work for 2 reasons:

1. It messes up the consistency of my metabolism.
2. That huge meal at the end of the day could put me over the total amount of calories I should eat because I was so hungry.

Plus, its easier to be a nice, happy person when you aren't starving all day : )

Honestly, therapy has worked wonders for me in rebuilding my self esteem and with that comes making the choice to be happy and comfortable with myself, which is sometimes why being alone can be hard. I have found that since I have worked on really developing who I am, I no longer feel "lonely" even when I'm by myself. I apologize for taking the focus away from bbing nutrition, but just thought I'd tell you my experience.

*Star

[Maria316]

I agree with Star. Usually nutrition/healthy choices/exercises/"will power" etc... aren't the triggers in binge eating. Its a comfort thing. Getting to the root of the cause doesn't always mean it will go away right away but it's a very good start. People used to tell me all the time it could be a control issue and I would say no way, because when I'm doing it I'm out of control. Well I realized not being able to control certain things in my life would get me down and depressed which would cause me to seek comfort somewhere......food. My point is the more open minded you are about what the cause could be the more likely you are to find it. Coming from my own experience of being so closed minded in the beginning!!!

[gecko...]

Coming from some personal experience here - you really do have to banish the 'all or nothing' mentality. If you make a mistake, just get up, brush the crumbs from your mouth and move forward. Dont think, "well, today is screwed - I might as well eat whatever the hell I want and start fresh tomorrow" Just make the next meal clean, and the next and the next - eventually you will end up in front.
Dont purge or skip meals or exercise more to make up for your cheat - just move on as normal.

And as other posters said, do allow yourself a cheat meal for guilt-free indulgences.

I hope that helps

[shock_and_awe]

For me if I don't eat enough, I'm setting myself up. I don't have much o offer in the way of advice, I'm struggling with this too.

[perf_ckt]

Originally Posted by Star9

I apologize for taking the focus away from bbing nutrition, but just thought I'd tell you my experience.

no thank you so much for what you have said. i was looking for emotional support just as much as any other advice.

Originally Posted by shock_and_awe

For me if I don't eat enough, I'm setting myself up. I don't have much o offer in the way of advice, I'm struggling with this too.

i know. i love reading your journal in the hope I can gain some insight into myself and help you on your journey too

Originally Posted by spark84

Coming from some personal experience here - you really do have to banish the 'all or nothing' mentality.
I hope that helps

I think this is a big part of the problem... one un-accounted-for handful of food turns into binge-galore.
big help.

thanks all of you. I'm going to take all of your advice on board, starting with Maria316's idea to open up my mind and just let things happen a little bit.

i really needed some support to get out of such a bad mindframe.

[cleanfreak]

I really encourage you to get some professional help if you feel that this is impacting your life in a negative way. I have an ED also and it is torture. But finding someone who can help you identify the behavior and the root causes of it, and then develop new behaviors for coping with it, can really help a lot. Fitness and nutrition are great hobbies, but the fun is sucked out when you have an ED. Take care of yourself and get help if it is running your life. ((HUGS))

[perf_ckt]

Originally Posted by cleanfreak

I really encourage you to get some professional help if you feel that this is impacting your life in a negative way. I have an ED also and it is torture. But finding someone who can help you identify the behavior and the root causes of it, and then develop new behaviors for coping with it, can really help a lot. Fitness and nutrition are great hobbies, but the fun is sucked out when you have an ED. Take care of yourself and get help if it is running your life. ((HUGS))

lol going into my 6th year of professional help.
used to binge/purge every day, up to 3x per day if i was lucky.

[cleanfreak]

LOL, okay, then my advice is moot! Hang in there and remember - you can overcome this. Mind over matter.

[runninmom]

I can totally relate to being sick of it. I've been there a thousand times. I was hospitalized at one point and still have to have a "wake up call" from my therapist.
you are so young and I wish I could give you some advise you probably haven't heard, but since you've been in therapy that long you've probably heard it all. do you like your therapist? I can't pick one key thing for success in the ED world but talking, blogging, therapy and loving yourself is a few. have you been on the fish bowl website? not sure of the link but you can google it. lots of people in recovery there too.
remember to look forward and not backwards...you have your whole future in front of you...lots of HUGS your way.

[Mumof2]

Hi I used to use the website mentioned above - somethingfishy.org or .com. I found it quite helpful, though at times it was also triggering (as in when I get very obsessed with my ED I'll read lots and lots of things to do with EDs and it just feeds the obsession - if that makes sense.). Although reading the memorial page was always a bit of a wakeup call......
Good luck on your journey. I have no great answers as I have struggled with various EDs for nearly 15 years. After years of therapy (much of which was not always focused on the Ed at all) I am significantly better, though am left with the binge purge cycle. I've found eating well during the day (ie not under eating) helps keep the night binging away. My best help has been to train at night - this is my worst eating time. That way I'm not just sitting at home and cos I've had a great work out and feeling very motivated I only want to eat the right things after - plus I'm buggered so I just wanna get to bed lol!! Good luck xx

[jacquidube]

I have been training most of my life, things like gymnastics and aerobics but I never seem to lose the fat. I have been bulimic for 33 years. Its a long time and I have no idea how to stop.
I think with bulimia you can control what you eat and what you dont want to eat and thats why when we have eaten something we know will put weight on us we are sick.
I believe our muscles are feeding our bodies and yet I still have love handles and a stomach I just cant get rid of and I believe I can blame my diet for that. I am trying so hard. I always keep my breakfast down and if I have a small meal in the afternoon Im fine also. Its when I eat an evening meal and my evening meal takes place around 4 pm so its quite early. I always bring that one back to make place for a couple of biscuits later on. I have been bringing back up to 2 meals a day for many years and I have no idea how to keep my later meals down.

I have chosen since bodybuilding to eat smaller healthier meals that are not going to make me feel sick. I try to drink water only instead of coke which I love because we need sweet things when we are sick. Drinking water and eating things like chicken, cous cous and feta/cottage cheese does help.
I eat oatmeal in the morning with honey and cinnemun (sorry forgot how to spell that) and some water to drink. I can get by with that and find I am actually hungry round about 11am so I eat as early as possible so my body is at least getting something.
I know its a huge struggle and I find when I am sick I get quite depressed or maybe I am so disappointed with myself that I let myself down again.

I think you may be on the road to recovery, just recognising that you have a disorder is comforting to hear. Only you can do this and I too. I think mine has become a habit. I dont like the feeling when my stomach is full especially before I go to bed and thats the reason most of the time I am sick.

Try not to feel down. I think if you think about this daily then you will want to beat it. I sure do, its just knowing that this is a habit and its not good for our bodies.

[perf_ckt]

Originally Posted by jacquidube

I know its a huge struggle and I find when I am sick I get quite depressed or maybe I am so disappointed with myself that I let myself down again.

Try not to feel down. I think if you think about this daily then you will want to beat it. I sure do, its just knowing that this is a habit and its not good for our bodies.

your story really touched me.
in fact, it feels reaching good to share my struggles with you guys, and hear about what everyone else is going through.

Originally Posted by runninmom

remember to look forward and not backwards...you have your whole future in front of you...lots of HUGS your way.

from the looks of it, we need a lot of hugs in this thread, all around.

Originally Posted by Mumof2

I've found eating well during the day (ie not under eating) helps keep the night binging away. My best help has been to train at night - this is my worst eating time. That way I'm not just sitting at home and cos I've had a great work out and feeling very motivated I only want to eat the right things after - plus I'm buggered so I just wanna get to bed lol!!

i am stealing your innovative ideas. i think eating well during the day is probably the most successful thing I've done so far. but sometimes its harder to do than it sounds.

[Maria316]

Once you have recognized why you are doing this, the reasons behind the behavior a good mental exercise is to
1-Recognize it
2-Accept it and say to yourself " You know what, thats ok that I did that"
don't beat yourself up
3-Stand in your mind and literally watch the problem(issue) go away. Wave to it and say "bye bye"
I know that the part about saying that your behavior was ok seems contradictory to what society tells you to do, the feelings of guilt etc. But the more you tell yourself this behavior is unacceptable the less likely you are to accept that your really doing and that can really hinder the healing process.
I promise the more you do this, the more you practice this mental exercise, the more the problem will literally leave, but you have to watch it leave, in your mind watch it go.

[kellyrippagunz]

My heart goes out to you. Just some personal experience.... What helped me 'give up' my ED was to separate my mind from my body so to speak and visualize my body as a lifelong companion that is here to carry me through life. I realized I was treating her like the enemy -- literally abusing her every day, depriving her of nutrients, overexercising her, etc... If we were going to make it through a long and enjoyable life together, I had to change my ways quickly. I know this sounds out there and looney -- but it changed my perception of my body which helped me to begin looking at food and nutrition differently. Im not 100%, Im not sure for me the ED mentality will never be a part of my life again -- it seems to pop up every now and then.

We can actively struggle with our disorders for many years , but it's our poor bodies that are suffering the consequences of our minds.

take care