I need serious help; 7 yr relationship, engaged, now over

[Uncreative1234]

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life and it is taking a physical toll on me. I've had extreme loss of appetite, nausea, fatigue, headaches, and my nerves are completely shot. The story is long so I really do appreciate anyone who hangs in long enough to read it all and respond.

My fiance' and I got into a fight on this past Wed. night and I kicked her out. I've always kind of had trust issues with her, though they were mostly unfounded and she never actually cheated, to my knowledge. That night I was eating downstairs and she was upstairs on her laptop I thought it was odd, but not unusual or uncommon as she works up there sometimes, and went up quietly and then opened the door very fast. She kind of leaped back from her laptop and rubbed her face and it made me think she had something to hide. I looked at the screen and she was on ******** and it looked like she was maybe about to send a message or something but she closed out of it. She made a new profile and said she was trying to block one of her ex-friends and that's what she was doing. I didn't believe it and wanted to see her browser history. She refused. So that instantly sends up warning signals to me and that's where the fight started. I accused her of all this ****, again unfounded, and it lead to me finally having enough and telling her to get out. She said fine and she would get all her stuff out tomorrow. I said not good enough and I wanted her gone now (it was 12:30 a.m.) We still talked while she was packing up her stuff and she eventually agreed to show me her ******** and messages...of course there was nothing in there...but I wanted to see the browser history, but she slammed it closed before I could look at it. Again, didn't like that. And definitely wanted her gone. I threatened her with some really stupid and juvenile **** like posting nudes of her on ******** and everywhere else. I sent her a text 20 minutes after that saying I would never do that and apologized.

We have a history of fighting, a lot, but we always get over it. I totally overreacted this time- and this is not the first time I've kicked her out. I did it once, maybe twice over the course of these 7 years. She would always go stay with her parents. This time was different. It was about 1 a.m. and her parents and brother both apparently didn't answer their phone and she felt she had nowhere to go. Even though I know 100% if she went to her parents they would've woken up and taken her in. So anyway I assumed that's where she was staying and I didn't talk to her until the next day. She came by and got the last of her stuff while I was working and we didn't talk much that day. She wouldn't answer her phone or really respond to texts. I swing by her parents, no car there. I asked her about it the next day, she said she's staying between her parents and her cousin's who is going through a divorce. After an hour long phone call she says she's getting to her parents now and about to go in and needs to get off the phone. I stop by there like an hour later...again, her car isn't there. I try calling her and texting her, she doesn't answer. So I go up to the door, talk to her dad who invites me in and he has no idea what's been going on between us and says she hasn't been there at all. He said his wife was sleeping and he wasn't going to wake her up- I said no worries and went on my way. So I text her saying I was there and she wasn't and asked what the hell is going on....no response. My only other option was to stop by a friend of hers that she works with who might know where she is. Her co-worker has no idea, but understands my concern for her safety. About five minutes into us talking I get a text from my fiance' and then a call.

She said her mom called her and was apparently scared that I showed up there and was now concerned for my fiance's safety. Serious-WTF. I had to explain everything, which she then understood, and then ultimately I got it out of her...that she was staying with some other guy. At first I was hoping it was one of the gay dudes she works with, but then I find out otherwise. She says nobody knows this person (co-workers/family) but that she grew up with this person long ago. Hasn't seen him in 12 years but he added her up when she made her new ******** profile. And this is really where everything turns to ****. She claims he was the only one that would answer their phone that night. I don't even know what to say about any of this. My thoughts are all over the place. She says she's going to move her stuff over to her moms on her next day off, but hasn't had time yet. My immediate concern is that she's banging this guy and that they had talked prior to this. She says no to all of that, and there is reason to believe this. Regardless, doesn't make it any easier. She absolutely refuses to tell me where she's at, but tells me she's safe. And the whole time, I'm just like YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS PERSON.

This begins my now 5 day decent into my own personal hell. She doesn't talk to me the rest of the night. I talk to her the next day, Saturday, and she agrees to meet me at her work after she's off but ONLY for 5-10 minutes and demands that I don't follow her after she leaves. In my mind, I'm like OK wtf, does she have planned now. I break down over the phone and tell her how she means everything to me. I became very desperate and emotional and I'm still not entirely sure why. I will admit, that throughout the relationship I had gotten lazy. I took her for granted, and sometimes just did not give a **** at all. I did not treat her the best and we had petty squabbles all the time. I acknowledge and accept all of this. I actually broke down once I saw all of her stuff gone and started to realize how much she really did around here. I've never been emotional with her before (one thing she always grilled me on) and it just all came out.
Anyway, I get to her work, I bring her a thoughtful gift/treat and she just does not give a fuk at all. She is normally VERY emotional, but ever since that last fight, she wasn't emotional at all. Didn't cry, didn't yell (til the end) just didn't give a fuk. And now I'm seeing that on her face. I beg and plead with her. I tell her I know it's hard to believe I've changed in such a short amount of time, but I compare it to an analogy of a drunk driver who gets in an accident and kills someone- you know that they will be shaken to the core and never drink and drive again, and that happens over night. I was completely shaken over this. I had no idea what I had and I pushed her out of my life and it was instantly regrettable. I breakdown in the car and tell her how she means everything and how I have nothing without her. I tell her I don't care about anything else and I will do anything and everything to get her back. She's not having any of it. She says she has moved on. We talk for half an hour in my car and I remind her that only two weeks ago we were talking with the bank about getting a home-loan and that 4 days ago everything was FINE. How can she go from me to someone else over night?

I ask her about this person who she keeps referring to as a friend and she refuses to tell me who it is, but assures me I don't know him. I ask if she's trying to date this guy or what and she's like "I don't know" and expresses interest in him. I keep pressing her and tell her to just come clean but she knows the only way to get me to shut up is to hear her say what's going on in my head- so I don't know if it's actually true when she says that she's seeing him now. She's said **** before that wasn't true just to piss me off- many times. The whole conversation was a disaster. She doesn't talk to me the rest of the night...the night before her birthday. And it's not even close to being over....

[Uncreative1234]

Part II:

I wake up the next morning to a missed call from her and my mom, I call my fiance' back first and she instantly goes into "Did you bust out my car window last night??" I'm like what the hell....1) didn't even know where she was at 2) I had three solid alibis confirming my whereabouts 3) I would've never done that. We have our auto insurance together and if she claimed it that would work against me.
Anyway this is the first time I've heard her actually be emotional in days. She's crying and talks about how weird it is that it just so happened to happen on her birthday and after all of this. She believes me though that I didn't do it. She said it looked like somebody did it with a bat. They didn't break in and steal anything (gps just laying there) and the window was still 90% in tact, just destroyed with a small hole in it. Kind of thinking it's random...then when I tell my friend about it he puts this thought in my head: What if it was the guy she's staying with? What if he did it to try and frame me (as I'm the obvious suspect of course) and then ensures that she'll never want to see me again. The place has no security cams so there's no way of telling for sure. But again, she doesn't even know this person. I run this idea past her later and she's just like "no, he would never do that..." and I'm like how do you know? You don't even know this person.

She also told me the reason she didn't want to go to her parents was because that her mom would convince her to get back together with me because she always did but she made some promise last time and didn't want her mom to cry. So I stop over there Sunday morning and her dad is outside and I talk to him for like 20 minutes and give him the jist of how I feel but that I really wanted to talk to her mom. He said she's not feeling well and is asleep but when she wakes up he'll give me a call then I can come back. That never happened. And when I stop back later they refuse to answer the door and she tells me that her parents don't want to get involved at this point because they think I'm just going to try to convince them to convince her to go back to me- and it's like YEAH that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I felt like her mom was my last hope because I've never really had a serious conversation with her like this. But as of now, it still hasn't been realized...

Anyway again, she agrees to meet me during her work so I can drop some of her **** off and give her this five page letter I wrote her (again, conveying how much I truly miss her, need her, would do anything, but I can only prove it to her if she gives me the chance to as well as I included some other really thoughtful things in it and meaningful memories) she just kind of shrugs it off, only gives me five minutes, eventually tells me this guy asked her out last night (doesn't coincide with what she said last night) and they're seeing each other. I'm still blown away how she can go from us being fine 4 days ago to this. And remembering how she always said if we ever broke up she wouldn't date anyone right away and wanted to find herself. I think she is just like me and TERRIFIED to be alone because we really have no one else in our lives except each other. And that's what's so fukked out this situation.
During our phone calls she would give me a glimmer of hope saying maybe we could do something on one of her days off and then when we talk in person she's just, almost hateful towards me and rejects all of what she said. So today we speak on the phone again because we still have bills and **** to figure out (she's still paying rent here, insurance, phone, etc.) and she's telling me about getting the window fixed today and how much it costs and she has to borrow money from her mom (and they're always broke as a joke) so taking my moms advice I offer to help her out because I felt responsible for it happening because had I never kicked her out in the first place she would've never been over there and that would've never happened. In previous conversations she said she had no problem coming back her to get her mail and now she says she doesn't want to come over here to get her mail and the rest of the crap and really doesn't want to see me still and all the same things she's been saying. She wants me to drop it off at her work which I'm not going to do now. But after I ponied up a little over half of the money for her car window and she's asking about paying me back I told her if she was here she wouldn't have to worry about paying me back and I would take care of all of it. She says she doesn't want any strings attached or whatever. She asks why I keep talking in circles and I explain it's because we still haven't really talked about our relationship and what happened, but only about bills and feelings. She says she hasn't had time to process it because of being busy with work, but if I give her the next two days to herself where she doesn't have to worry about calls or texts from me that she will digest everything that has happened and then get back to me with her answer. So after days and days of proclaiming she never wants to see me again and we're done this happens. So I ask, fighting back tears of joy, does this mean you're going to consider giving me a chance to prove myself? And she says "I don't know. I don't want to make that promise" I'm very confused by this and have no idea what it means. The whole time though she didn't refer to this guy as someone she was seeing. Again she said "my friend" and she in this discussion of thinking things out she never once mentioned "no, I'm with someone now, I can't do that". She has made **** up before to piss me off and get at me. She even made up this story about someone sending her a message on ******** saying I was cheating on her just to use as an excuse to go through my messages. That was like a month ago. She agrees to text me over the next couple days to keep me updated and I agree to not respond. My two main concerns are 1) out of thought, out of mind. And if she can ignore me she'll just "get over it". 2) She's only saying this because I gave her money.

I really don't know where to go from here. If she's giving me false hope, which is a very real possibility, then that is worse than anything and I will be completely destroyed. I have already felt like I was dying the last couple days. Couldn't go to the gym, eat, felt like I was going to puke everytime I talked to her, didn't go into work. It consumes all of my waking thoughts- from the second I wake up until I go back to sleep. There is nothing I can do to get my mind off it. My grandfather died Friday (the day after she split, still wouldn't show me much sympathy) I didn't go to the visitation Sunday or the funeral which was today. Couldn't even deal with that with everything that has been going on here. I've had some people in my ear telling me what to do and not do. Some chick said send her flowers ...and in my mind that could go one of two ways- 1) Oh wow, he really IS trying and cares or 2) This is pathetic, you need to give up and stop now, borderline stalkerish.

Very very long, and that's still the 'condensed version'. Again, I appreciate anyone who read this and has solid advice or opinions on where to go from here.





(Strong 1st and 2nd post)

[adevil]

Cliffs? Pics?

[Uncreative1234]

I should also mention that it has been incredibly difficult for me to deal with because of the recluse I've become since being with her. All of my friends live in different states and my best friend lives in South Korea. I've been able to talk to him and some others on the phone, but it's just not the same. I literally have like ONE friend here that I would consider a good friend who is trying to help me out. So I can't just go hang out with friends or anything to get my mind off it or to kill time. Plus I'm still living here in our home reminded every minute of everything we did together here. It's easier for her being in a new environment not surrounded by all of our stuff. Not sleeping in the bed we shared for 7 years. Not being with our dog. I'm really concerned that the longer she is away the easier it will be for her and the harder it will be for me. She said the reason she didn't want most of the stuff back that is hers is because it will remind me of her. I know there's still something there....and it fukking kills me that it's ultimately my fault because I kicked her out. If she were at her moms I'd feel 10 times better. I know she still has feelllings...you can't just walk away from 7 years like it was nothing. I don't think what she is doing is healthy or smart, or even safe. I just feel like time is working against me and she's trying to so hard to just run out the clock and ignore her feelings.

[Jasebrah]

Cliffs

[enfield12]

I'd say move on just based on the fact that she has agreed to see someone else.

[Uncreative1234]

Sorry, here are some cliffs:


*Volatile relationship for 7 years; engaged
* Kicked her out at 1.am.; I overreacted
* Ends up staying with some guy she supposedly grew up with because no one else would answer their phone; hasnt seen this person in 12 years
* Not really responding to texts or calls
* Agrees to meet me at her work, various times to talk/give her her stuff
* Pour all of my emotions out to her, but she's completely shut off to them; doesn't care
*eventually says she's interested in this guy and she's going to start seeing him (can't verify if this is true or not)
* All this happening around her birthday
* Have tried everything and exhausted almost all my options
* Some **** about a broken car window I almost got blamed for
* helping her out with said window, agrees to reconsider things over the next two days as long as I don't text or call her, says she'll get back to me with her answer
*dunno what to do
*longest cliffs ever
*????
*profit

[Uncreative1234]

A little more background before I go to bed (very sorry for all the multiple posts; again it shows you my desperation, haha)

She always wanted to get married. We had been engaged for about 2 1/2 years. I was always hesitant because of how volatile we were and never sure if she wanted to marry ME or was just in love with the idea of getting married. She would often times write her name with my last name, she would talk about what a good husband I would make, and was always pushing for us to get married. She would plan stuff all the time, had a friends parents that were actually going to do so much for us for our wedding.
Many of my friends told me I would never find someone better than her or hotter than her which is also a concern of mine. No pics right now since I'm on a new laptop (yeah, she destroyed my other one in a fight two weeks ago and had to buy me a new one)

[rtrn2form]

Sorry, here are some cliffs:


*Volatile relationship for 7 years; engaged
* Kicked her out at 1.am.; I overreacted
* Ends up staying with some guy she supposedly grew up with because no one else would answer their phone; hasnt seen this person in 12 years
* Not really responding to texts or calls
* Agrees to meet me at her work, various times to talk/give her her stuff
* Pour all of my emotions out to her, but she's completely shut off to them; doesn't care
*eventually says she's interested in this guy and she's going to start seeing him (can't verify if this is true or not)
* All this happening around her birthday
* Have tried everything and exhausted almost all my options
* Some **** about a broken car window I almost got blamed for
* helping her out with said window, agrees to reconsider things over the next two days as long as I don't text or call her, says she'll get back to me with her answer
*dunno what to do
*longest cliffs ever
*????
*profit

If I'm you...I hit her up one more time and try and tell her in whatever way suits you that you want her back. If she doesn't respond give it a week then pack up all her stuff and drop it off at her parents house.

Sucks dude, but she kept another guys existence from you and he was the first place she went when things got tough all the while telling you she was at her parents. Easier said than done I know, went through a nasty divorce myself a few years back. After I finally quite being a bitch for months I gave the ultimatum, it was denied so I cut ties and moved on.

You say you guys fought all the time, trust me all that would just get worse. You may not know it now but you'll be better off in the long run.

[Jasebrah]

If I'm you...I hit her up one more time and try and tell her in whatever way suits you that you want her back. If she doesn't respond give it a week then pack up all her stuff and drop it off at her parents house.

Sucks dude, but she kept another guys existence from you and he was the first place she went when things got tough all the while telling you she was at her parents. Easier said than done I know, went through a nasty divorce myself a few years back. After I finally quite being a bitch for months I gave the ultimatum, it was denied so I cut ties and moved on.

You say you guys fought all the time, trust me all that would just get worse. You may not know it now but you'll be better off in the long run.

This.


Always is better. Looks grim as phuck but do what I did, every feeling I had for her I turned to myself. Smashed the gym and now she's after me. Sloot has realised grass aint greener. Too many blokes let there heads get phucked by bishes.

A sloot aint worth ****.

[Hmzone]

Seeing how my parents who have been married for decades miserable and always fighting while reading all of these threads has seriously made me develop a phobia for long term commitment via marriage or not.

It brings so much pain, pressure and unneeded responsibility. Much more cons than pros in the long, long run


Im not gonna try and say leave it behind because i understand how incredibly hard it is. But maybe, just maybe its a blessing in disguise.

[Uncreative1234]

If I'm you...I hit her up one more time and try and tell her in whatever way suits you that you want her back. If she doesn't respond give it a week then pack up all her stuff and drop it off at her parents house.

Sucks dude, but she kept another guys existence from you and he was the first place she went when things got tough all the while telling you she was at her parents. Easier said than done I know, went through a nasty divorce myself a few years back. After I finally quite being a bitch for months I gave the ultimatum, it was denied so I cut ties and moved on.

You say you guys fought all the time, trust me all that would just get worse. You may not know it now but you'll be better off in the long run.

She knows how I feel and that's why I'm giving it 2-3 days now because there really isn't anything more that I can say. Then I guess we see where we are at that point. I just hate the feeling of being powerless in the situation...especially when I KNOW I can convince her and/or her parents it's in her best interest to come back. I mean, lol, that dude couldn't even shell out $100 or $200 to help her out? Shouldn't he feel somewhat responsible since she's staying there and it happened pretty much on his watch? This is why I think they aren't together....or the guy is a total loser. She said she wanted to wait a week but thought that was too long. I've had people telling me she's doing all this because she wants to hurt me and make me feel how she felt (which is probably true eitherway) but that she will come back.

[Mr Beer]

I didn't read it all but, you can't keep ejecting your girlfriend from your house and then asking her back. You can expect that sooner or later she's going to move on, so start owning your decisions in life.

Secondly, it sounds shady as phuck on her part, she was likely emotionally cheating on you, perhaps actually cheating on you and by now if this guy isn't balls deep in her, someone else soon will be.

It's over, for both your sakes it's probably healthier if you accept that fact and start dealing with it.

[Uncreative1234]

This.


Always is better. Looks grim as phuck but do what I did, every feeling I had for her I turned to myself. Smashed the gym and now she's after me. Sloot has realised grass aint greener. Too many blokes let there heads get phucked by bishes.

A sloot aint worth ****.

I understand and I said many of the same things. I think I talked a big game and then when the cards were down, it was absolutely awful. Still is. But yeah, she knows and my friends know I'll have girls on me after I finish this bb.com transformation contest. I killed it last year. But it's like still...I'd rather have her :/

[Uncreative1234]

Im not gonna try and say leave it behind because i understand how incredibly hard it is. But maybe, just maybe its a blessing in disguise.

It very well could be. I mean even four months ago I really wanted to end it. But something changed. I was done with that part of my life. No desire to go out and party. And she never had that desire. Kind of a homebody just like me. Never expected much, except to be loved and have attention every once in awhile. I really feel like I blew it.

[walterCorrey]

damn man i spend hole 15 mins reading your post, 1st of i m sorry for what happened to you, yeah sh!t happens.

Now into the real deal, and this is coming from someone who stayed with his gf for 5 years then broke up.

1st of, you need to check yourself where you stand, emotionally , psychologically and apparently physically.


Best thing to do right now is leave your house and head to your parents house, stay with them talk with them, they are your mom and dad they love you they will support you the whole way through.

2nd regarding you and your gf/fiance , she defintley is untrustfull, game player, and you have self control/esteem issues. the later you have to work on and i mean really check yourself.


Sorry to say it but she proly became the way she is because of your insecurities .

Now regarding on how you should deal with this situation, cut all contacts with her,and for gods sake get a grip of your fukcing self and stop being a fukcing pussy , messaging her, talking to her, to her mom ,dad,friends her dog. i mean jesus have some dignity. man the fukc up , again sh!t happens, your not the 1st or the last.

Let her do what she wants to do, whether she wants to fukc other guys or finger herself, focus on yourself, work,gym studies . give yourself time.


7 years dont go down very easy, so am positive shell contact you sooner or later, but its up to you whether you want her back or not,and from the way you acting am pretty sure youll take her back even if she get gang banged.

edit: how old are you?

[Boffothe]

Your poisonous relationship is over and the world is a better place now

Some day this will be clear to you. Till then, it's gonna hurt.

[HeliBrah]

Read it all ...

1) The stuff you admitted to would be enough to ruin most relationships. Taking her for granted, never show her the emotional side of you, getting lazy and complacent with the situation/relationship, instead of trying to improve it more and more... Many women would have left after some time, only the promise of a ring might have kept her this long. Then kicking her out multiple times, in the middle of the night so-to-say even ... yea, not your brightest idea.

2) Then again, all this did not started past Wednesday. I can guarantee you that this guy has been creeping up sooner than that and that she has been flirting with him at the very least via text, maybe already in person before. After all - what ********-flirt will take you in at 1 am on a Wednesday night with all your things? The reason she showed you eventually her ******** was because it was her her "clean" ******** profile. Not the one she used to text with him. And the reason why she didn't wanted to show you the browser history is because the profile names of those people you surf/stalk on ******** would have shown up, including his.

3) Usually he would be a rebound guy, if this was a fresh break-up, but ... I am sorry to say, I don't think it is. Sounds like she checked out of your relationship quite some time ago emotionally, otherwise she wouldn't be able to be this cold and uninterested from one day to the next.

You need to accept a few things right now:
- she emotionally cheated on you for some time now
- she probably has slept with him by now, after all she is staying close to a week with him, is "vulnerable" and is already "seeing him"
- she pre-emptively has told her parents to stay out of it, so they don't help you in your quest to getting bet together, as they did in the past (you can be sure her mother didn't sleep on those two occasions, but rather had her husband use that white lie to avoid looking into your eyes)

Time to be a big boy now, and I don't mean this as sarcasm. Find all things that remind you of her in your home, especially pictures of you two together and her belonging. Pack it away - out of sight, out of mind. Have a good cry over all of this and then after a sleep-in you snap out of this state and realize that you just woke up to Day 1 of the next chapter in your life. Maybe she will one day be a part of your life again, but its in your best interest to not expect it and find a way to re-organize your life without her in it. Right now she is in the arms of another man - and you, while suffering a loss, have new opportunities ahead of you. One of those opportunities is to work on yourself, because some of your past behavior is not good long-term, as you probably realize by now. Don't let this lesson just pass by you, but learn from it.

Good luck man. Be strong.

[GreekyBeth]

A few of things:

1. If you married her you'd be divorced quickly.
2. Both of you are better off without each other.
3. Work on your insecurities as there is nothing less attractive to a woman.
4. And don't consume yourself with what she did, as she has some serious issues too. Let her take those issues to the next guy and consider yourself lucky.

[Goody908]

Holy book/10

[Artemis00]

Read it all ...

1) The stuff you admitted to would be enough to ruin most relationships. Taking her for granted, never show her the emotional side of you, getting lazy and complacent with the situation/relationship, instead of trying to improve it more and more... Many women would have left after some time, only the promise of a ring might have kept her this long. Then kicking her out multiple times, in the middle of the night so-to-say even ... yea, not your brightest idea.

2) Then again, all this did not started past Wednesday. I can guarantee you that this guy has been creeping up sooner than that and that she has been flirting with him at the very least via text, maybe already in person before. After all - what ********-flirt will take you in at 1 am on a Wednesday night with all your things? The reason she showed you eventually her ******** was because it was her her "clean" ******** profile. Not the one she used to text with him. And the reason why she didn't wanted to show you the browser history is because the profile names of those people you surf/stalk on ******** would have shown up, including his.

3) Usually he would be a rebound guy, if this was a fresh break-up, but ... I am sorry to say, I don't think it is. Sounds like she checked out of your relationship quite some time ago emotionally, otherwise she wouldn't be able to be this cold and uninterested from one day to the next.

You need to accept a few things right now:
- she emotionally cheated on you for some time now
- she probably has slept with him by now, after all she is staying close to a week with him, is "vulnerable" and is already "seeing him"
- she pre-emptively has told her parents to stay out of it, so they don't help you in your quest to getting bet together, as they did in the past (you can be sure her mother didn't sleep on those two occasions, but rather had her husband use that white lie to avoid looking into your eyes)

Time to be a big boy now, and I don't mean this as sarcasm. Find all things that remind you of her in your home, especially pictures of you two together and her belonging. Pack it away - out of sight, out of mind. Have a good cry over all of this and then after a sleep-in you snap out of this state and realize that you just woke up to Day 1 of the next chapter in your life. Maybe she will one day be a part of your life again, but its in your best interest to not expect it and find a way to re-organize your life without her in it. Right now she is in the arms of another man - and you, while suffering a loss, have new opportunities ahead of you. One of those opportunities is to work on yourself, because some of your past behavior is not good long-term, as you probably realize by now. Don't let this lesson just pass by you, but learn from it.

Good luck man. Be strong.

This is completely on point. Couldn't sum it up any better. Good luck.

[kickblake]

1. You accused her of cheating enough times that she probably did. Not at first, but after being accused of it so many times...you might as well do the deed if you're going to be yelled at for it either way.

2. Relationship for 7 years, engaged for 2.5. You know how long a real engagement lasts? 9 months. Long enough to plan a wedding. A 2.5 year engagement is a telltale sign that the marriage is never going to actually happen. You were just going to continue "playing house" until she trapped you with a child, or found some other dude who was actually willing to marry her.

3. You have issues. Jesus christ, this woman was a saint for putting up with your shit as long as she did. 7 years of randomly getting kicked out in the middle of the night? Wow.

4.This is for the best because you need to fix you. You would have sabotaged the relationship eventually anyway had you continued on this path.

[FU3L]

1. Sounds like a terrible relationship, not sure why the fuk you would get engaged in the first place. You both sound insecure and fight too much/about stupid chit to be in a successful relationship let alone a successful marriage.

2. Mr 12 years ago and her have been talking (at least) for some time now. When was the last time you randomly showed up at a friend's place you knew 12 years ago and said: "hey brah/brahette, I'm going to crash here k? cool". Doesn't happen, sorry.

3. She's probably slept with Mr 12 years ago. It's been a week, she's emotional, vulnerable, hurt, blah blah. Accept this, savour it, allow it to sink in.

4. You don't want to get back together with this chick. Nothing good will come of it - things will not be the same - you'll still fight and accuse each other of petty shyt. If you end up getting married, you'll get divorced, lose half you stuff to her, and be in the same place you are now except 50% less wealthy.

[Artemis00]

Even though your behavior towards her may have been unacceptable...it never gives anyone the right to physically or emotionally cheat on another person even if you have accused her in the past.

Don't ever take the blame for that...she is an adult. If a person is even considering getting involved with another person (physically or emotionally) because they are not happy with their relationship, then THEY need to get some balls and leave the relationship.

But really, 7 years of a volatile relationship...it is probably all for the best it ended this way. It may not seem that way right now (because you are missing her and focusing on the good things), but after some time...it will. Like HeliBrah said "Don't let this lesson just pass by you, but learn from it."

[TsarChasm]

Its over bro. The way you are carrying yourself in this situation makes me believe you are young and inexperienced in relationships. I did similar things when I broke up with my 'first love' when I was 18. I moved on and learned from it. As you will as well. It will never work again between you two and you have to pick up the pieces and figure out what mistakes you made for the next meaningful relationship. It seems like it was already extremely volatile and you have obvious trust issues. You pushed her towards that other dude with your insecurities and clinginess. Next time learn to be a man in the relationship. Instead of someone that gets into worthless fights and get jealous all the time.

[Krazshni]

1. Sounds like a terrible relationship, not sure why the fuk you would get engaged in the first place. You both sound insecure and fight too much/about stupid chit to be in a successful relationship let alone a successful marriage.

2. Mr 12 years ago and her have been talking (at least) for some time now. When was the last time you randomly showed up at a friend's place you knew 12 years ago and said: "hey brah/brahette, I'm going to crash here k? cool". Doesn't happen, sorry.

3. She's probably slept with Mr 12 years ago. It's been a week, she's emotional, vulnerable, hurt, blah blah. Accept this, savour it, allow it to sink in.

4. You don't want to get back together with this chick. Nothing good will come of it - things will not be the same - you'll still fight and accuse each other of petty shyt. If you end up getting married, you'll get divorced, lose half you stuff to her, and be in the same place you are now except 50% less wealthy.

Your poisonous relationship is over and the world is a better place now

Some day this will be clear to you. Till then, it's gonna hurt.

Read it all ...

1) The stuff you admitted to would be enough to ruin most relationships. Taking her for granted, never show her the emotional side of you, getting lazy and complacent with the situation/relationship, instead of trying to improve it more and more... Many women would have left after some time, only the promise of a ring might have kept her this long. Then kicking her out multiple times, in the middle of the night so-to-say even ... yea, not your brightest idea.

2) Then again, all this did not started past Wednesday. I can guarantee you that this guy has been creeping up sooner than that and that she has been flirting with him at the very least via text, maybe already in person before. After all - what ********-flirt will take you in at 1 am on a Wednesday night with all your things? The reason she showed you eventually her ******** was because it was her her "clean" ******** profile. Not the one she used to text with him. And the reason why she didn't wanted to show you the browser history is because the profile names of those people you surf/stalk on ******** would have shown up, including his.

3) Usually he would be a rebound guy, if this was a fresh break-up, but ... I am sorry to say, I don't think it is. Sounds like she checked out of your relationship quite some time ago emotionally, otherwise she wouldn't be able to be this cold and uninterested from one day to the next.

You need to accept a few things right now:
- she emotionally cheated on you for some time now
- she probably has slept with him by now, after all she is staying close to a week with him, is "vulnerable" and is already "seeing him"
- she pre-emptively has told her parents to stay out of it, so they don't help you in your quest to getting bet together, as they did in the past (you can be sure her mother didn't sleep on those two occasions, but rather had her husband use that white lie to avoid looking into your eyes)

Time to be a big boy now, and I don't mean this as sarcasm. Find all things that remind you of her in your home, especially pictures of you two together and her belonging. Pack it away - out of sight, out of mind. Have a good cry over all of this and then after a sleep-in you snap out of this state and realize that you just woke up to Day 1 of the next chapter in your life. Maybe she will one day be a part of your life again, but its in your best interest to not expect it and find a way to re-organize your life without her in it. Right now she is in the arms of another man - and you, while suffering a loss, have new opportunities ahead of you. One of those opportunities is to work on yourself, because some of your past behavior is not good long-term, as you probably realize by now. Don't let this lesson just pass by you, but learn from it.

Good luck man. Be strong.

A few of things:

1. If you married her you'd be divorced quickly.
2. Both of you are better off without each other.
3. Work on your insecurities as there is nothing less attractive to a woman.
4. And don't consume yourself with what she did, as she has some serious issues too. Let her take those issues to the next guy and consider yourself lucky.

i think these


too much incongruity to salvage

you're making a fool of yourself acting desperate

volatility/explosive behavior is absolutely NEVER ACCEPTABLE

didnt read your gigantic story ;|

but strongly advise against approaching future relationships in a similar manner if you found yourself kicking her out frequently... ~_o

[Ronnie87]

I actually read all of your post OP.

Yeah she was being shady with ********, but kicking her out, really? You may as well have sent her over to the other guys house gift wrapped in lingerie. You then acted so pathetic after the break up that she got over you more or less immediately. She's pretty much sleeping with another guy, having a good time, and then you're blowing up her phone crying, being pathetic and talking about feelings, who do you think's the more attractive option here?

If you have any self respect, dignity, or a set of balls you will cease this cringe worthy behaviour immediately. Do not speak to her, do not contact her in any way, do not reply to her texts or calls should you get any. As far as you're concerned she doesn't exist anymore. You shot yourself in the foot not maintaining your friendships whilst you were in a relationship by the way, but you're going to have to develop a social life, get out and meet new girls. Keep yourself busy. It'll be a tough time but you'll get through it. You have to learn from the mistakes you made though and grow a pair.

[chris_2vGT]

After this you will never be happy with her. This monster will grow inside and you always feel like she is cheating on you. Honestly this is what you need to do. Rip it off like a band-aid. Show her you dont care, Get rid of everything that is hers. Go on ******** take down all the pictures ( you can save them on your computer but make it seem like you deleted them all ) If you really want her back dont act like a bitch. One thing i learned is after a few troubled relationships where i "begged" the ones that came back where the ones i was like "its over? ok ... later". At the end of the day remember it only took her hours to hook up with someone else and dont for 1 second think she hasnt had a **** fest for the last week with this guy. She is a whore finish it. I would honestly not even want to get back with her. There are plenty of girls out there who wont put you through this. Just move on and be a man you will find someone else. Right now what you are feeling is just a animal instinct that another animal has just taken whats yours.. learn to get over that. Has nothing to do with "loving her" just the fact that someone else has her and it makes you mad its a primal instinct. Move on and forget her and when she ask or talks to you just tell her she made it easy for you to move on. Dont be an option man.

[TommyTuffGuy]

TLDR of course, but if you're engaged 7 YEARS you were NOT going to get married anyhow.

You and we all know this.

[b0yer2]

Dude. This is easy. You want her back? Stop talking/calling/texting her. Let her be with this guy alone for a few weeks and see how sh*tty it is.

Guarantee in a few weeks she will come running back, then it is up to you to decide. Just go cold. Don't respond to texts/calls nothing.

And stop visiting her family. Let them be.