Hypothetically speaking (of course), how does one know when it's time to throw in the towel on a long term relationship? When do you stay and fight for what you have together and where do you draw the line and say it's time to quit?
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Thread: Time to quit?
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07-14-2008, 09:42 AM #1
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07-14-2008, 09:45 AM #2
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07-14-2008, 09:45 AM #3
Kind of have to weigh out the things that can be fixed, establish what's exactly wrong. (hypothetically) If there were kids involved, you would have to decide if your willing to stick together for their sake. If your S/O wont communticate about with you, force him into it, put your foot down about it. If he isnt willing to talk about it, then he can open up after your gone.
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07-14-2008, 09:47 AM #4
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I tend to agree w/Runner. I'd weigh the good vs. bad (maybe write out a list). IMHO, when the bad outweighs the good....it's time to move on.
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07-14-2008, 09:48 AM #5
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I agree 100% with Runner. You need to think about whether you would be happier on your own than you are in the relationship. If the answer is yes, then it's time to move on. You don't want to wake up 10 years from now and realize you spent your youth with the wrong guy (yes, experience). I also think it depends on how much effort you feel you've both put into fixing it. If you're trying as hard as you can and he won't - time to move one. If neither of you is trying and you don't want to - time to move on. If you think it can be fixed, then by all means try. But give it a time limit.
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07-14-2008, 09:50 AM #6
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Not sure what problems you might have in your relationship, but I'll give my .02. Don't ever stay in a relationship hoping someone will change. People are who they are. Sometimes, it takes a while to see them for what exactly they are because we are all on our best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.
I have seen so many people wait and wait and wait for someone to change. It doesn't happen.
You should never settle for less than happiness.
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07-14-2008, 09:53 AM #7
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07-14-2008, 09:54 AM #8
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07-14-2008, 10:03 AM #9
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07-14-2008, 10:25 AM #10
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Not sure where exactly you're coming from either.
If I feel a need to "fight" for something, I guess I don't consider it mine. Dramatic BS just ain't my thing.
Relationships go through rough spots. When that happens, both parties should be interested in coming up with solutions. There will be a bit of give and take. When you can't work together or one person simply isn't interested in putting work into the relationship, I guess it's over.
If kids are involved, remember they'll base their expectations of relationships on what you show them. If it's cool to disrespect each other, fight all the time, for one person to do all the work, etc, etc, that's all they'll aspire to look for. I'm guessing those aren't the kinds of things you'd want for your kids, so why should it be good enough for you?
I think the advice of thinking if you'll be happier on your own is good but I don't think most people realize they're happier on their own until they've been there for a while.
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07-14-2008, 10:48 AM #11
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07-14-2008, 11:54 AM #12
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Disclaimer: All thoughts and opinions of the above poster and solely hers and do not necessarily reflect the view of all woman in the universe. In other words...if you don't agree..STFU and think what you like!
MACA makes you lift heavier than ever and hornier than a beast...I LOVE MACA!
DESCRIMINATION S*CKS...BUT FABULOUSNESS TRUMPS ALL!
JAWS22 is my BF...yeah...ya heard it right!
Thanks BB.COM!
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07-14-2008, 12:02 PM #13
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07-14-2008, 02:05 PM #14
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07-14-2008, 05:49 PM #15
I am there. I have been married for 28 years, high school sweetheart,but he lies little stupid lies that he thinks are okay, he has a temper, and i know i no longer love him, but to leave him will hurt him, we have 1 child left in school he will be a junior this fall, but i am very, very unhappy and he never really listens to me, plus he says one thing then denies he ever says it-drives me nuts.So I have to decide what to do........................
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07-14-2008, 05:51 PM #16
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07-14-2008, 06:01 PM #17
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07-14-2008, 06:05 PM #18
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07-14-2008, 06:15 PM #19
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awww nutron i'm sorry
have you told him you're unhappy? maybe he doesn't know how unhappy you are. if you could maybe go to a relationship counselor or something it might make things more bearable for you for now and who knows?
blue - i think when you ask the question that started this thread you know the answer...i'm not saying relationships are only worth sticking around for if they're easy, but if you're not happy and things have been that way for a significant period of time in my opinion it's better to cut your losses. it's really hard and i myself stuck around with a guy for a whole year after i was pretty much checked out of the relationship. you don't want to hurt them, you're scared maybe you're making a mistake, that things would have been great again if you'd only waited a little bit longer. but then weeks turn into months turn into years.
maybe just take a break. i'm not sure if this is your boyfriend or you're married, but a trial separation, just to be selfish for a bit and think about what it is that you really want. and doing this might also give him the motivation he needs to make the needed changes or risk losing you, if that's the problem.
i'm rambling now...i just get so sad when people are unhappy in a relationship . if you haven't already maybe just sit him down and say here is what i need, here is not what is working for me, here is what i need you to do. and he can do the same. and it either gets better soon or doesn't.
ok i'm going to stop talking now lol i could write 3 pages. if you have children then that of course makes everything harder...i'm not sure exactly about the situation i'm just speaking from my experience where the worst consequence is losing a best friendi was not issued a rule 12 violation
whole foods is my obsession
i have never been pulled over by a cop
i kissed a girl and i liked it
my favorite word is "gorgeous" and i use it frequently
i am obsessed with the misc RH section
hulk hogan doesn't like me
i love crashing hotel staff 80s parties
once i set up a myspace account for my taxi driver
i got free starbucks today
Jmh80 is my e-BF with a BTC
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07-14-2008, 06:19 PM #20
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07-14-2008, 06:29 PM #21
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It must be hard to work things out not having your husband around that much. Plus juniors in high school aren't exactly the greatest companions (I know I wasn't!) and probably don't want to hear about their parents problems (I know I didn't at that age).
You definitely need to try and find some girls to hang out with. Even if things aren't great with your husband they will make you feel so much better. I know when I'm completely miserable about something having a girl friend to vent to is better than anything else. Do you not know a lot of people where you are or have you maybe lost contact with them? I know that's easier said than done because it's hard to meet new people. I've moved to strange cities where I didn't know a soul before and what I usually do is join random classes and do volunteer work. Like a cooking class, floral arrangements, learn German, whatever it is you will usually find really nice people who are open to meeting a new friend. And I duno if you have a branch where you are but the Make A Wish Foundation...seriously the nicest, most enthusiastic people I've ever meti was not issued a rule 12 violation
whole foods is my obsession
i have never been pulled over by a cop
i kissed a girl and i liked it
my favorite word is "gorgeous" and i use it frequently
i am obsessed with the misc RH section
hulk hogan doesn't like me
i love crashing hotel staff 80s parties
once i set up a myspace account for my taxi driver
i got free starbucks today
Jmh80 is my e-BF with a BTC
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07-14-2008, 06:37 PM #22
I work nights and have my 15 year old at home and my other son that just graduated this year, plus my daughter in law and her 2 kids live downstairs in an apartment. Where I work my son, daughter and daughter in law works with me. I really don't want to say anything negative about thier dad, so I really feel stuck.
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07-14-2008, 06:44 PM #23
I could not have said it better!!! I completely agree with you, especially the part about "best behavior" I wasted too much time thinking someone actually changed. But when pushed came to shove, their true self came out!!
I feel you know in your heart when it's time to move on. I see some ladies recognize it and still stayed in the relationship. It's tough to move on, but if in your heart you feel it's over, the best thing to do is follow your heart and move on. Staying in it longer just makes it harder and harder to leave.
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07-14-2008, 07:17 PM #24
- Join Date: Jun 2008
- Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
- Age: 41
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i was not issued a rule 12 violation
whole foods is my obsession
i have never been pulled over by a cop
i kissed a girl and i liked it
my favorite word is "gorgeous" and i use it frequently
i am obsessed with the misc RH section
hulk hogan doesn't like me
i love crashing hotel staff 80s parties
once i set up a myspace account for my taxi driver
i got free starbucks today
Jmh80 is my e-BF with a BTC
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07-14-2008, 07:22 PM #25
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07-14-2008, 07:26 PM #26
- Join Date: Jun 2008
- Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
- Age: 41
- Posts: 367
- Rep Power: 351
no not at all, families are a huge time commitment. especially when they aren't driving yet and require being chauffeured around everywhere. well i guess until summer is over you have the internet as lame as that sounds. i talk to a lot of people online regularly who i've never met in real life but they're great to talk to . watching episodes of sex and the city makes me feel better too . unfortunately so do brownies...
i was not issued a rule 12 violation
whole foods is my obsession
i have never been pulled over by a cop
i kissed a girl and i liked it
my favorite word is "gorgeous" and i use it frequently
i am obsessed with the misc RH section
hulk hogan doesn't like me
i love crashing hotel staff 80s parties
once i set up a myspace account for my taxi driver
i got free starbucks today
Jmh80 is my e-BF with a BTC
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07-14-2008, 07:28 PM #27
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07-14-2008, 07:28 PM #28
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07-14-2008, 09:46 PM #29
It's tough. Does he know how unhappy you are? Have you tried marriage counseling? I was married for 15 years, and the last 5 or so years were not happy. My ex wife was not interested in working on things (until after I left, but by then, I was done...)
We have two children together and leaving was by far the most difficult decision I've ever made. But I had reached the point where I knew I had done everything I was willing to do to try to save the marriage.
Fast forward 5 years. Life is good. Bought a house in the same neighborhood to make it easier on the kids, both kids are doing well. I'm MUCH happier (so is she by the way...).
Divorce is not the end of the world, but it sure can feel that way.
Make sure he knows how you feel & why, and what you need. Hopefully he'll come around! Good luck.
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07-14-2008, 10:21 PM #30
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I agree with almost everyone above me..
I think if I ever asked this then it would be time to move on. I mean there is obviously something behind the doubt.I will try to be nicer, when you try to be smarter.
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