I got pissed at my girlfriend. Looking for opinions on the situation. (serious)

leblanc · 07-13-2008, 01:54 PM

So me and my girlfriend of three months haven't been seeing much of each other lately as I'm living 2 and a half hours away while working. I'm going to be busy working again this weekend and she told me on the phone that she might be going camping this Saturday night. I said with who and she said her friend "Bob". He doesn't live around her anymore and is back visiting for the summer. Apparently he asked her to go camping and she told him yes. She told me before that this guy wanted to go out with her before and she told him no because she isn't attracted to him and sees him more as a best friend or brother figure. I've never met the guy. I got pissed off at her and she acted like I was the one who was in the wrong for making a big deal of the situation. In her defense she said that the place he suggested to go camping is fairly close to where I'm working (one hour drive) and she might come visit me if I'm not busy working but I've already told her before this that I probably would be working. I would appreciate any thoughts or opinions anyone would like to share on the situation.

Cliffs:

-I'm 2 and a half hours away from my girlfriend for work when she tells me she might be going camping with her best friend "Bob" this weekend.

-"Bob" wanted to go out with her before but she said she isn't attracted to him and sees him as a best friend or brother figure.

-I get pissed off at the idea and she acts like I'm in the wrong for making a big deal of the whole situation.

siberian_tiger · 07-13-2008, 01:57 PM

You can either trust her, or not. Either way the long distance seems to be killer (isn't it always). Unless you think she is perfect I would evaluate the relationship and see if it's worth it.

T-Roach · 07-13-2008, 01:57 PM

sounds bad... definitely if u guys havent seen each other lately.. /:

stangkiller · 07-13-2008, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leblanc

So me and my girlfriend of three months haven't been seeing much of each other lately as I'm living 2 and a half hours away while working. I'm going to be busy working again this weekend and she told me on the phone that she might be going camping this Saturday night. I said with who and she said her friend "Bob". He doesn't live around her anymore and is back visiting for the summer. Apparently he asked her to go camping and she told him yes. She told me before that this guy wanted to go out with her before and she told him no because she isn't attracted to him and sees him more as a best friend or brother figure. I've never met the guy. I got pissed off at her and she acted like I was the one who was in the wrong for making a big deal of the situation. In her defense she said that the place he suggested to go camping is fairly close to where I'm working (one hour drive) and she might come visit me if I'm not busy working but I've already told her before this that I probably would be working. I would appreciate any thoughts or opinions anyone would like to share on the situation.

Cliffs:

-I'm 2 and a half hours away from my girlfriend for work when she tells me she might be going camping with her best friend "Bob" this weekend.

-"Bob" wanted to go out with her before but she said she isn't attracted to him and sees him as a best friend or brother figure.

-I get pissed off at the idea and she acts like I'm in the wrong for making a big deal of the whole situation.

If its just them 2 going camping then hell no, but if its a group camping trip then that would be alright as long as they are not tenting together

musclebound2007 · 07-13-2008, 02:00 PM

I would have gotten mad. She going camping with a guy that she doesn't like, but he likes her? Is that what I got from him wanting to go out with her, but she not finding him attractive?

I had an ex, who kissed a guy while on a break, while she was drunk. Now, we had gotten back together like maybe the day after this happened. She told me about the drunk kiss, I was like wtf, and she explained to me that he likes her but she doesn't like him and she felt lonely because of our situation and **** just happened (kissing him). She said she was grossed out by the whole ordeal and nothing will EVER happen between him and her.

Fast forward some time, she and I finally break up after 5 years of dating. This is the official break up. I get a call from her sometime after, we're good as friends so it's all good. She's telling me a friend of hers is coming down to visit her, and guess what, that friend is the guy! Fast forward some more days after that, guess what, she's hooking up with the guy (not sex), but I'd say worst boyfriend and girlfriend.

So yeah, not sure what you should be thinking but from my experience, doing anything with a guy who likes you, ends up messing up the relationship. Because said guy will try in all is might, to hook up with the girl he likes and then if **** happens between you and your girl, she might run to him. I don't know how someone who's not attractive, can suddenly become attractive enough to be in a relationship with, but after 5 years, I'd never thought that would happen. Your relationship is only 3 months. So you being pissed, quite warranted.

I'd be wary about this bro.

Redeem_Yourself · 07-13-2008, 02:00 PM

Brah your bitch is going camping with some dude and gives you a stupid flimsy excuse that he's like a brother figure? You are 100% correct to be mad.

janky · 07-13-2008, 02:04 PM

group camping would be better for sure, but if they pick tents she's prob going to be in his tent because she'd know him and not his friends.
its safer that way, but also a formula for bad things.

The real question here is do you trust her?

3 months is about the turning point where you start taking things serious and evaluating your compatibility.
Trust is the KEY component in how long your relationship is going to last.

Let it go. Everytime you get that thought in your head that she might be cheating tell it to STFU because she loves you, you're the ****, and this guys a f4g thats just going to end up beatin off thinkin about her.
leave it alone.

If she cheats, fck her sister or mom or best friend and start over.
but you gotta give her trust somewhere to see if she can be trusted.

and dont be a smothering prick that gets mad everytime shes around a dude.. thats just lame and going to FORCE her into cheating on you.

EDIT:
It's a shady situation, and 90% of guys would freak. I agree.
If your girl is going to cheat... freaking out and yelling at her and fighting isnt going to stop her.

if shes going to cheat, locking her in a cage IS NOT GOING TO STOP HER.

You have to give her a shot and see what happens. If she DOES cheat shes a piece of **** and you're better off without her. If she doesn't cheat - congrats you got a good one!

leblanc · 07-13-2008, 02:16 PM

Thanks for the replies. I repped all I could and will get the rest on recharge. It's not the fact I think she'll cheat that pissed me off. It's just that she accepted the invitation without even talking to me about it first. She also knows this guy likes her and she still doesn't think it is a big deal to put herself in this situation with him. I feel as her boyfriend this is disrespectful to me. I wouldn't put myself in that situation if the roles were reversed simply for respect for her as my girlfriend. I would hope she would feel the same way.

janky · 07-13-2008, 02:19 PM

I agree. it is disrespectful.

have you told her exactly what you told us?
probably have.. just checkin.

relationships are give and take, just remember that. and at 3 months its time to take it serious or tell her to f off and kick it with other girls.
trusting her around guys is going to be a big part of that.. its scary and frustrating and it will eat up your mind but its necessary if you want the relationship to work.

and like I said, whats the worst that could happen?
she cheats w some piece of **** failure and loses you - the best guy she'll ever have?
so f'in what? her bad.
you move on and get new girl(s).

Shattering Fast · 07-13-2008, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leblanc

Thanks for the replies. I repped all I could and will get the rest on recharge. It's not the fact I think she'll cheat that pissed me off. It's just that she accepted the invitation without even talking to me about it first. She also knows this guy likes her and she still doesn't think it is a big deal to put herself in this situation with him. I feel as her boyfriend this is disrespectful to me. I wouldn't put myself in that situation if the roles were reversed simply for respect for her as my girlfriend. I would hope she would feel the same way.

Not only that, but she'll take the time to go drive out somewhere to go camping with this guy, but not to come visit you? That's ****ed up. Don't back down and let her know she's completely in the wrong.

Captain Obvious · 07-13-2008, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leblanc

Thanks for the replies. I repped all I could and will get the rest on recharge. It's not the fact I think she'll cheat that pissed me off. It's just that she accepted the invitation without even talking to me about it first. She also knows this guy likes her and she still doesn't think it is a big deal to put herself in this situation with him. I feel as her boyfriend this is disrespectful to me. I wouldn't put myself in that situation if the roles were reversed simply for respect for her as my girlfriend. I would hope she would feel the same way.

I agree that it's very disrespectful for her to not ask your opinion before agreeing to something like that, but I also believe it was disrespectful for her to even consider going in the first place. In my opinion, that's just something you don't do if you're in a committed relationship. You don't go camping or spend that type of time with somebody of the opposite sex, especially if you know they have feelings for you. Maybe she does just see him as a "brother", but it doesn't matter how she sees him if he's clearly stated that he has feelings for her. If that's the case, she should distance herself from him in order to prevent him from trying anything with her. Also, I don't think it was any consolation that she said she might come visit you if you're not working. I bet she was just saying that to make it sound better, knowing you'd probably be too busy at work to see her. The whole situation is not right.

janky · 07-13-2008, 02:33 PM

So quick question for everyone answering this..

Do you guys seriously all believe that if you lock your gf up and never let her so much as TALK to another guy she'll love/respect you and never betray you????

Srsly?!

Any female input on this??

Cause it's been my experience that being the paranoid argumentative over protective bf has pushed A LOT of girls away. Some were cheating, some werent, but either way, acting like this KILLS any feelings they have for you and makes you look like an insecure pussy regardless of how alpha you are on forums for "tellin your bitch she cant kick it w no other dudes"

I have a hard time believing that applied irl situations this mentality has lead ANY of you to success with women or maintaining relationships.

So far the only good answers I've heard are
1. It's disrespectful to agree without talkin it out first
2. She can go camping but not come see you (and if op told her he'd be busy this one is only half way logical - he basically told her dont bother)

I'm not negging anyone or looking to e-fight over it, I'm just curious as to how you guys are so convinced that this mentality is going to be productive in a relationship??

or is it just a buncha 18 yr old kids that think they know how it works? lol

Captain Obvious · 07-13-2008, 02:35 PM

Also, like somebody else said, you need to stand firm on this one. Since it's fairly early in the relationship, something like this could set the tone for the remainder of the relationship, however long it may be. Let her slide on this one, and she might just end up walking all over you and disrespecting you on a regular basis. Show her you won't stand for this, and more importantly, that you would never disrespect HER like that. Doing that will minimize these types of bull**** situations in the future.

leblanc · 07-13-2008, 02:36 PM

Thanks janky, I'll rep you on recharge. I understand what you are saying it's just that I know of several guys who are in relationships with women who I know have cheated on them and they just believe everything their girlfriend says and become the laughing stock of the whole town. I'm not saying that my girlfriend would do this to me but I've learned to realize that no man or women should blindly believe their partners every word when their is reason to be suspicious of their actions. I don't think my girlfriend would do this to me with this guy but I don't like how she would think this situation isn't a big deal and how shouldn't bother me at all. I think a camping trip with just a guy and a girl is a rather intimate situation, especially if one has feelings for the other.

Captain Obvious · 07-13-2008, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janky

Do you guys seriously all believe that if you lock your gf up and never let her so much as TALK to another guy she'll love/respect you and never betray you????

Cause it's been my experience that being the paranoid argumentative over protective bf has pushed A LOT of girls away. Some were cheating, some werent, but either way, acting like this KILLS any feelings they have for you and makes you look like an insecure pussy regardless of how alpha you are on forums for "tellin your bitch she cant kick it w no other dudes"

I see where you're coming from, but not wanting your girlfriend to go camping with a guy who has admitted he has feelings for her is totally different than saying "you can't hang out with other guys". As for me, I don't care if my girlfriend goes to dinner or the movies or whatever with her guy friends, but I would have a huge problem if she wanted to spend the night with one of them, whether it's at a camp site, house, or anywhere else. Basically, everybody, guy or girl, should have the freedom to hang out with their friends, regardless of whether they're the opposite sex or not, but there are certain situations where caution needs to be taken, out of respect for your partner.

I agree with you on the fact that there seems to be a ton of very insecure guys who are petrified that they will lose their girlfriend to any other guy she spends time with, but in this particular guy's case, there's just a huge level of disrespect and lack of thought from his girlfriend.

janky · 07-13-2008, 02:45 PM

captain, some very good points. I didnt catch that it was a one on one thing. That is completely uncalled for, I agree.. but if it got to the point where she always wanted to hang out w other guys and not you ..

well...

why WOULD it have gotten to that point?? 2nd or 3rd time this **** came up I'd be like "Aite bitch well clearly you're more interested in alone time w other guys than you are a relationship with me. peace!"

You dont let them walk all over you, but you dont cuff them and lock them in a cage either. You have to have some exercise in trust. Bad ones will F it up and cheat on you. Yea.

Like I said in another thrad, ALL of your relationships will fail except the one that matters.

leblanc, if shes going ONE ON ONE camping thats a different story. That's sketchy as ****. Ask her if shes ok with you going to spend the night at a girl "friends" house. If she says no tell her shes not fckin going camping.
If she fights you over it then you gotta ask yourself why shes fighting to spend a day alone w a guy shes "not attracted to"

common sense will answer a lot of questions for you on this subject, and by all means, dont let her walk all over you..
but like I said, if it gets to that point.. why the fck did it get to that point? cut your losses lol

igetSWOLL · 07-13-2008, 02:48 PM

i wouldn't stick around / tolerate that nonsense.

why does she want to go camping with another guy anyways? where is her heart / her mind?

seemingly not with you.

i'd have a serious think session and talk to her as calmly as you can and then, if she still needs to go camping then she doesn't want you that badly. (imo)

SpiderSense · 07-13-2008, 02:49 PM

I don't know. I don't think I would be too worried.

You need to learn the art of turning that **** around on her though. Just tell her why is Bob spending more time with her than you? And hang out with some chick you had a past with. That'll fix her.

Like Janky said, you can't tell her no hanging out with any guys. Makes you look insecure. But you can give her a taste of her own medicine. Will that make you look insecure? Not if you spin it in a way where you were ignorant to the situation and had no control

Stalwart Steve · 07-13-2008, 02:50 PM

Ex asked me the same question. Surprise! She was cheating on me - not even with the guy she was gonna camp with, ha ha.

Edit: Hint - the guy she was gonna camp with was a long-time AFC clinger on like "Bob" also

galours · 07-13-2008, 02:50 PM

female opinion here! First of all, I would NEVER go on a trip with another guy unless my significant other knew this person really well himself.

You have every right to be angry, it doesn't matter if you're one hour away or not. And she is definitely in the wrong without even consulting you.

You should tell her you feel uncomfortable with the idea of having her out with another guy that you don't even know. If she gets pissed or ignores you, that is definitely some sign of trouble down the road.

Kind of off topic, but I seem to notice that a lot of girls like to hang out with guys they are not interested in but the guy is interested in them. I think it has something to do with boosting their egos, just a thought. Sorry for being off topic

robplaysgeetar · 07-13-2008, 02:53 PM

Hey man, just don't sweat it. It's much easier to trust her and just let whatever happens happen. I wouldn't be freaking out unless she has ever given you a genuine reason to distrust her when it comes to something like this.

I would simply ask her why she wants to go camping with him, and then depending on what she says drop it. The best defense is a good offense, since she is going to go anyway tell her that you hope she has fun. She would probably go camping anyway whether or not you want her to, so don't let something inevitable cause you undue stress.

musclebound2007 · 07-13-2008, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janky

group camping would be better for sure, but if they pick tents she's prob going to be in his tent because she'd know him and not his friends.
its safer that way, but also a formula for bad things.

The real question here is do you trust her?

3 months is about the turning point where you start taking things serious and evaluating your compatibility.
Trust is the KEY component in how long your relationship is going to last.

Let it go. Everytime you get that thought in your head that she might be cheating tell it to STFU because she loves you, you're the ****, and this guys a f4g thats just going to end up beatin off thinkin about her.
leave it alone.

If she cheats, fck her sister or mom or best friend and start over.
but you gotta give her trust somewhere to see if she can be trusted.

and dont be a smothering prick that gets mad everytime shes around a dude.. thats just lame and going to FORCE her into cheating on you.

EDIT:
It's a shady situation, and 90% of guys would freak. I agree.
If your girl is going to cheat... freaking out and yelling at her and fighting isnt going to stop her.

if shes going to cheat, locking her in a cage IS NOT GOING TO STOP HER.

You have to give her a shot and see what happens. If she DOES cheat shes a piece of **** and you're better off without her. If she doesn't cheat - congrats you got a good one!

That there bro, is exactly what I also need to do. Some solid advice given there. Seriously.

Stalwart Steve · 07-13-2008, 02:56 PM

But yes, if you must request that your girlfriend not go camping for the reasons that you are imagining (the ones I was hinting at) then you might as well reserve yourself or get rid of your girlfriend anyway. I should have done this, but I did not, ha ha. Now I know better.

leblanc · 07-13-2008, 03:27 PM

Thanks for all the input. Just some points I would like to make:

I don't think she will cheat on me. That isn't the issue. I just don't appreciate her putting herself in that situation. I think if you are in a relationship you shouldn't be out camping one on one with someone of the opposite sex. I don't know if that is considered old fashioned or what but I just think that's inappropiate. Especially if one of them has attempted to take the friendship to a more intimate level in the past.

janky · 07-13-2008, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leblanc

Thanks for all the input. Just some points I would like to make:

I don't think she will cheat on me. That isn't the issue. I just don't appreciate her putting herself in that situation. I think if you are in a relationship you shouldn't be out camping one on one with someone of the opposite sex. I don't know if that is considered old fashioned or what but I just think that's inappropiate. Especially if one of them has attempted to take the friendship to a more intimate level in the past.

Honestly the only thing that bugs me is the ONE on ONE deal.
She cant find something better to do with her time? No gfs to kick it with? No mutual friends? She cant clean your house and fix some fckin dinner?? (lol jk there)

I'd be upset about one on one. kinda a red flag.
but again, if shes going to cheat you cant stop her no matter how many fights - just walk.
and if you're confident she wont cheat, then test her out. besides, if she does it doesnt make YOU look like a chump, it makes HER look like a POS for screwing over a GOOD GUY.

Tiffany Wantsmore · 07-13-2008, 03:43 PM

Another woman's opinion here. If she's acting like its no big deal, then to her, it isn't a big deal. She's probably surprised you're annoyed because as far as she's concerned, NOTHING will ever happen with this guy, whether he likes her or not. I have several male friends who would sex me in an instant, but its just not gonna happen. Maybe she only agreed because she knew it would bring her nearer to you, and make it easier for her to visit you? And then when you said you would probably be working, she may have taken that as insulting, and thought you were saying you couldn't be bothered to take the time out to spend with her and would rather work.

All this is conjecture of course. But I hope it might have made you think of things you may not have considered before.

Midge · 07-13-2008, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by T-Roach

sounds bad... definitely if u guys havent seen each other lately.. /:

I agree. Whether or not she's attracted to the guy, it won't stop him from making a move. Knowing that he's wanted to take their friendship to the next level, she can't believe it's just as friends. She knows what's going to happen if she goes, and if she's ignoring your feelings on this and is insisting she does, then there's something up.

ChristianBBer · 07-13-2008, 03:54 PM

lol camping with another dude ??

id dump any girl who does that,

how would ur gf feel if u said ur going camping with another girl ??

woods + hot fires + no one around + one tent + warm sleeping bags = sex

stliftn8 · 07-13-2008, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midge

I agree. Whether or not she's attracted to the guy, it won't stop him from making a move. Knowing that he's wanted to take their friendship to the next level, she can't believe it's just as friends. She knows what's going to happen if she goes, and if she's ignoring your feelings on this and is insisting she does, then there's something up.

x2 she knows that he at the very least is going to try and make a move on her wether or not she even cheats is almost irrelavent because she enjoys getting attention from another guy when u her boyfriend are not there to give it to her.

Tiffany Wantsmore · 07-13-2008, 04:13 PM

You all seem to think women are devoid of self-control. Just because men can have sex with women they don't fancy, doesn't mean women can. I could never sex a guy I didn't find attractive. Its not inevitable that something will happen. If she's never given the OP any reason to be suspicious, at least give her the benefit of the doubt.