Before you make a thread...

Handsome Maxout · 07-08-2008, 07:28 PM

I'm sorry RH'ers but you guys are notorious for acting like hopeless puss-bags in general. In order to change not only your image on the forum but also in real life, consider this before you start a new thread.

1. Does she like me?

Stop. Backspace. Do not click enter. So yeah, she texts you every 15 minutes, blows up your facebook and invites you out. Maybe she wants to sell you a car. Perhaps she wants to chop you up, scorch your remains, and use what is left as the tips of her charcoal pencils. However, she probably is actually interested so you should log out, shower up, and give it a go.

Conversely, if she ignores you constantly, hangs with other guys, never calls you back, and appears generally uninterested, she may be playing hard to get. But probably not.

2. Why do I suck with women?

Because you don't act like anything resembling a human around them. Canned lines, generic dates, sweating through your striped button-up... she's seen this a million times before. And consequently, she has not had a million successful relationships. Be different than the other chumps but don't act as if you are eating dinner with a radioactive elephant. I work in sales and the one thing women love is to have someone who not only listens but can talk. Be interesting.

3. Is she cheating on me?

The only people who know for sure are her and possibly another guy or two or 5 or 10 or the whole football team at the local high school and the mailman. I have other girls numbers in my phone but I do not cheat, so don't be overprotective and flip out at everything. Guys constantly texting her sweet nothings that may turn into dirty somethings are a different story.

4. She just dumped me and [insert method of suicide here]

Hey brah it sucks but tomorrow your heart will still beat. Same with the day after. As long as you're pumping blood and it's flowing to the tools, go out and have fun. Yeah, it will hurt. But time heals everything and you're no exception, make some friends and live a little bit.

5. She cheated on me so should I keep her around/beat her with a loaf of bread/etc.?

Personally I say leave her without a good bye, no closure at all, move on and never look back. This will hurt her more than she hurt you and it will never leave her mind. If you keep her around, nothing good will come out of it, unless you are into threesomes with guys and your fiancee being the town cum bucket. She may learn and be sorry but if another dick in her vagina makes her forget... you should forget about her completely.

And speaking of penises...

6. Is my penis too big/small/purple/hard/angry....

Please do yourself a favor and ask your family members, they know you better and probably care more than we do.

Maybe you can barely jam your pinky finger in her without a scream, or perhaps you can fist it up and not feel the sides. If you can make a girl's eyes roll back with a finger or the tip of your tongue but not with your penis...

a) It is smaller than your finger

or b) you have an issue but it isn't size.

7. I have nudes of my girlfr-

Say no more, pm sent.

These are just some general guidelines. I have heard men these days compared to jellyfish and also noted as being "women with penises". You can live up to the image or think before you post. Thank ya kindly.

Next.Big.Thing · 07-08-2008, 07:33 PM

good post repd need more **** like this to clear up the same 17 threads a day OMG A GIRL LOOKED AT ME SHOULD I DO SOMETHING?!

musclebound2007 · 07-08-2008, 07:34 PM

I thought you were going to be listing some bull**** but man, you are crazy funny! I enjoyed the loaf of bread reference and basically everything. So repping you lol

Handsome Maxout · 07-08-2008, 08:44 PM

Almost forgot

8. Mine is tree fiddy long and 9 feet wide

Yeah, we know, you are hung like a blue whale only larger and you have posted this in every penis size to date. We are now also aware that you probably press a ruler into your stomach every other night to see how much the man pole is making advances towards the guinness book of world records. And most impressively, you are either admittedly a virgin or your posts make it shockingly obvious. So keep tying it around your leg and we will all pm you a gold star when we give a ****.

2coop · 07-08-2008, 09:08 PM

#7

i have this one.....

:waits patiently:

Handsome Maxout · 07-09-2008, 01:10 PM

bumping this for more awareness

janky · 07-09-2008, 01:18 PM

hahahaha omfg, everything about this thread is GOLDEN.

leave it to a fellow salesman to de-mystify the obvious! hahah
Good job ..sticky fo sho!

WizardGlick · 07-09-2008, 01:20 PM

Probably the best thread made in the section.....

Repped...

magnumpeanut · 07-09-2008, 01:35 PM

I love it. Lulled hard. You sir have fresh reps.

209vaughn · 07-09-2008, 01:36 PM

solid ground rules for the RH.

zeppelin8778 · 07-09-2008, 01:38 PM

i laffed at is my penis too purple

repped

Beklet · 07-09-2008, 01:39 PM

Ha ha so true! I'd rep you but I have to spread the love....

magnumpeanut · 07-09-2008, 01:40 PM

Sticky this.

I Tough I · 07-09-2008, 01:41 PM

lol nice

luckyshark · 07-09-2008, 01:47 PM

+Repped+

I hereby nominate this thread to be made a sticky. Any seconds?

lbleiweiss · 07-09-2008, 02:21 PM

in on first page! this thread is epic sticky and reps fo sho

New Evolution · 07-09-2008, 02:30 PM

Good post.

stealth_maven · 07-09-2008, 02:36 PM

Lol OP, I love the way you write bro (no homo)

It's f'n hysterical.

J-WaQ · 07-09-2008, 02:46 PM

lol good job OP but you know there will be some folks on here who will do it anyway,idk maybe me

Handsome Maxout · 07-09-2008, 09:58 PM

Thanks guys, just telling the truth and trying to have more useful threads here. A few more crossed the mind...

9. She has a boyfriend/husband, should I...

This one is particularly disturbing. Wanting to lure someone out of a relationship is never a good idea, even if they are willing. If it is clear by her ring finger that she has a hardworking husband, two kids, and a mortgage to pay off, you should not be thinking "MILF!". Instead, you should consider the consequences. Kids may grow up with one parent, you may get your ass handed to you, you might even get some sloppy seconds from the hub. Even with a chick who has a boyfriend, if he has the mentality of the misc he will find you and shove a hot tire iron up your ass. Do this at your own risk.

10. Question about PUA: Approached a HB8 and negged her but...

Enter Samuel L. Jackson inquiring about your level of proficiency with the native language. I may sound like a CD on repeat but do you really think walking up to a random girl and telling her that her face belongs on the Dollar Menu will get you laid? There is no secret formula. If you want a relationship, go make a bunch of female friends and when you know them well, pick one. If you just want to **** and your best option is someone you have not met, you need to go make a bunch of female friends and when you know them well, pick one. This will also take care of the random STD threads that occasionally pop up. There is a saying in business, "Kiss before you ****". Before you try to make a sales pitch, you need to form a bond with someone. And I am more likely to buy a car without test driving it than stick my dick into something I have traded 2 sentences with.

11. My Ex and...

Ok, stop. Really. She is your ex, meaning she has slightly more of your germs than those of other males. Bottom line: if you wanted to have her only bang you, you would not have broken up. So she will do what she wants. He may be your best friend. He may be your soccer coach. He may be the stoner in French class who always yelled "Buenos dias" to every question. Regardless, he is now ****ing your ex. Is he out of line? Maybe. But do you have any say in the situation? Not anymore. You dumped her, now you dump him and target his 15 year old sister, misc style.

And tbh, there are 2 themes that I have noticed.

A) Timing

Sweet jesus. This is not the 55 hurdles, this is an attempt at making a friendship, then a relationship, and then you guys get to have sex. If you just met her and you want to examine her innards with your penis, that's perfectly normal. But 2 hours after you were introduced at your cousin's graduation party is not a good time to text her "hey bby im mad horny and i dnt wna fap rite now". You can IM her and talk about yourself instead, or make a model boat out of pencil shavings, or eat spoonfuls of cinnamon.

B) Maturity

If you think you aren't ready for a relationship, you are correct. If you think you are, you are probably not. A serious relationship is a commitment to be honest, loyal, and a bunch of other adjectives you do not want to hear. All I can say is that if you don't give two ****s about hanging out with girls on the side or having a good time while she's away or deleting every male from her phone book that isn't an immediate family member with the same blood type and RH factor, you have no reason to make a thread crying about her not giving two ****s either.

Continue.

fkn_give_me_abs · 07-09-2008, 10:02 PM

STICKY THiS!!

Handsome Maxout · 07-09-2008, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fkn_give_me_abs

STICKY THiS!!

Sticky would be nice, making common sense common again would be nicer IMO.

Jmurphz33 · 07-09-2008, 10:59 PM

IN,

solid set of guidelines here.
Sticky?

Handsome Maxout · 07-09-2008, 11:31 PM

12. I am going to a party with hot girls and I wanna...

Congrats my friend, you are now obligated to take pictures of said females and provide them free of charge. Failure to follow through solidifies your status as a loser who only dreams of vagina and never actually approaches it. Also recieving a nickname such as "AceRimRat2" should not be unexpected.

magnumpeanut · 07-10-2008, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Handsome Maxout

or eat spoonfuls of cinnamon.

Handsome Maxout · 07-11-2008, 11:15 PM

As the days go by, the list grows longer.

13. Handjobs are a man's job!

If you could not find the clitoris of a woman with an anatomy chart, GPS navigation system and a day full of sunshine, you should not make this thread. Do you think she likes you to finger her ******* for 12 minutes before you realize there is a good reason she is not moaning with pleasure? And even if you can find it... don't expect a blowjob if you aren't willing to lick. Unless she uses a jackhammer as a vibrator three times a day, she should have enough nerve endings down south to be done in 5 minutes. Your job is to solely flick your tongue in different patterns for a short period of time.

Also,

14. Girlfriend smells like a rotting carcass/expired coffee creamer...

We as your internet friends would love to fix your problem by putting on our wizard hats and robes but it is probably best that you alert her of the unpleasant olfactory sensations emitted by her kid tunnel. In short, tell her to wash it before you go to town. And if you have never powdered your balls or scrubbed before you go out, again, expect your effort to be matched.

Geekedout4BB · 07-11-2008, 11:21 PM

Most excellent.

musclebound2007 · 07-11-2008, 11:22 PM

You are a fricking genius. This definitely needs to be stickied for the idiots who keep posting questions that they answer in their own post. It's like, do you think we're going to tell you what you want to hear, or what you think you should hear? I mean seriously. We're not going to lie to you, or sugar coat it. If we think your girlfriend seems to be cheating on from some basic scenario, guess what, we're going to say so!

But good job, keep them coming!

Handsome Maxout · 07-11-2008, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musclebound2007

You are a fricking genius. This definitely needs to be stickied for the idiots who keep posting questions that they answer in their own post. It's like, do you think we're going to tell you what you want to hear, or what you think you should hear? I mean seriously. We're not going to lie to you, or sugar coat it. If we think your girlfriend seems to be cheating on from some basic scenario, guess what, we're going to say so!

But good job, keep them coming!

The redundant stupidity of this section makes it hard to find a regular thread.

14. Saw a cute chick at GNC today.

Chuck... this **** never ends well, once you get somewhere with a girl who comes in perhaps make a thread but as of now it is just you describing her body, noting the positives of your conversation, and recounting your story of why you and women have troubles. It is just too depressing, it's like watching the Cubs make the playoffs every season and fail hard (I'm a Red Sox fan so I know how it is). I come to the misc to laugh, not wonder aloud about the unfairness of childhood.

musclebound2007 · 07-11-2008, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Handsome Maxout

The redundant stupidity of this section makes it hard to find a regular thread.

14. Saw a cute chick at GNC today.

Chuck... this **** never ends well, once you get somewhere with a girl who comes in perhaps make a thread but as of now it is just you describing her body, noting the positives of your conversation, and recounting your story of why you and women have troubles. It is just too depressing, it's like watching the Cubs make the playoffs every season and fail hard (I'm a Red Sox fan so I know how it is). I come to the misc to laugh, not wonder aloud about the unfairness of childhood.

LMAO!!! Classic **** happening here ladies and gentlemen lol.