Ask Amris

[Andystm]

It doesn't matter why. It could have been any number of things, and she doesn't owe you an explaination. Bothering her for one will just make you look like a dick. It's past time for you to just let it go and move on.

Has been a while Amris..don't worry I just let it go, I figured ur advice out for myself lol.
Planning on making a move on another girl soonish. I'll pm ya if it works lol!

[Amris]

It doesn't matter why. It could have been any number of things, and she doesn't owe you an explaination. Bothering her for one will just make you look like a dick. It's past time for you to just let it go and move on.

Has been a while Amris..don't worry I just let it go, I figured ur advice out for myself lol.
Planning on making a move on another girl soonish. I'll pm ya if it works lol!

Yes, I know. I lost internet access for a while, and since I don't have a local driver's liscence yet, couldn't use the library, either.

I'm glad you sorted it out. I find that most people pretty much already know the answers, usually either just don't want to accept it, don't trust themselves, or have gotten bad advice from others and feel conflicted on whether to trust their instincts or the bad advice.

Good job on getting yourself into a good head-space on it without help.

[Ego-NomiQ]

For the past 6 weeks, my relationship hasn't been going that great. We got in a big fight 6 weeks ago (about the trivial things like "Don't leave a cup by the bed" or "You are so clumsy"). Since then, I closed up a lot, since I was afraid of it hapening again and I didn't want to get hurt. We've been having a lot less sex, (MAYBE 1-2x a week compared to 5+ times a week).

I don't know why things died out between us, but we've just been in this "happy 80% of the time" phase ever since we got in those fights. I didn't cheat on her and I don't think that she cheated on me, because I know the people she was with.

We used to be really happy together... we used to have really romantic times as well as some pretty fun times... but now that school's started things just seem monotonous to me.

I showed her a great time on her birthday, and I always surprise her somehow on our 1-month anniversaries. Admittedly, I'm not as affectionate as I was over the summer, because some nights I'm just dead tired, and some times I don't feel that close to her.

It's pretty clear that we need to do something to be happier here. Can you help with the situation?

[someguy2000]

Yes. The person who appears most emotionally invested into the relationship has the least power.

The more "nice" you do, the more emotionally invested you appear.

so what do I do

[something else]

if you have been talking/hooking up(sex) with a girl for a month.....and she says she really really likes you and claims she doesnt want a relationship because of a few vaild reasons(wants to move with her dad, diff state, isnt happy here, etc etc).........should i tell her how i feel? yes i really like her, blah blah blah.

i just dont want to scare her off and lose her as a friend. i am saying this because the sex is stopping.....so i am really confused at what she is thinking.......aka am i losing her interest.

while sex hasnt been there in about 2 weeks, we are always hooking up and everything. she has been raped, her past relationship she got really hurt.......but she opens up to me, she let me read her diary, tells me everything etc.

i dont know what she is thinking, we are friends with benifits and i am just really confused cuz she keeps saying she wants sex but it never happens......

so in terms of her being able to offer me anything, im just standing with my hands in the air. she keeps saying she doesnt know doesnt know.............should i tell her how i feel? i believe in showing a girl how you feel, but because of this girls history she might need extra theraputic care.

so if there is no sex, then i dont want to wait around.....but im in a dilemma where i actually like and care about her enough to stick around..........but i feel like she might not be sexually interested in me and starting to use me as her emotional support, so then no point in sticking around.

[JAWS22]

Ok Amris, I have a question for you. Will you marry me?

[Barbarian440]

Hey Amris, what's love got to do with it?

[Ajk_Lpool]

Great thread

Amris, I would be very grateful for your advice.

I have been meeting/hooking up with a girl until recently. Coincidently she was my ex from about 3 years ago (nothing serious, we were about 16 and lasted like 3 weeks lol). I got talking to her in college a few weeks back and I met up with her clubbing one night (Wednesday). Anyway one thing led to another and we ended up kissing. The problem is, she HAD a boyfriend of 2 years at the time, lol. I know I shouldn't of gotten involved.

Anyway, she sent me a message the next day saying she's never been unfaithful, last night felt so right etc etc. We chatted and I picked her up from work that night. Since then I spent the whole week with her every night, and we got along amazing. We shared so much and had a great time, it felt so right. She split up with her b/f on the weekend we met up again (Friday) and then spent the whole week together.

Anyway, she rings me up saturday and says her now ex b/f has been round to her house saying he wants to give things another go, he loves her, will never find anyone else like her etc and can't understand why they split up. He sent her messages the week i was with her like "if my Nan was still alive she would be so dissapointed in you right now" (she passed away this year earlier) and other creepy unnecessary stuff. I accepted things had been going fast and then she rings me up on the sunday.

Basically, she said he still loved her etc, and she's telling me she "thinks" she still loves him, but likes me and doesn't know what to do. I was angry and told her to stop giving him the sympathy vote and whatever, and to stop ignoring the fact that she wanted me and not him (it was a dead end relationship before I got involved from what I gathered). I told her to go back to him in the heat of the moment, and that she knew she really wanted me and ended the call.

Anyway last Monday she came looking for me in college etc, said everything has been moving too fast and that she just needs time to think. She said she hasn't got back with her b/f and that she just wants time. I said fair enough as I understood.

It's been a week and I haven't heard anything from her (I know, it's just a week, but considering how much I thought we liked each other seems unusual she hadn't been in touch). It feels as though she's just having this time because she's "meant to", and she's trying to fight her feelings for me.

I just don't know what to do right now, I'm trying to play things cool, I haven't been in touch as I said I'd give her time, but I can't just erase my feelings for this girl. I just want your perspective and advice if possible.

Thank you for your time, sorry it's long

[leadpipe]

So I think if I could have taken my younger self aside a few years ago and given that younger man some advice, I would have said "listen here sonny, take it easy, the right woman will come. Don't force it. Just enjoy dating a lot right now and NEVER under any circumstances settle for less than you deserve. Even if it means that you never find her and you wind up dying alone and never having any children, NEVER settle for someone who doesn't love you and respect you like you deserve.".

Only on page 5 but wanted to get in on this thread.
These are words I needed to hear. This is all great stuff in general. Thanks.
(Though I can't believe I'm taking advice from "Buck Futt"

[saber_holder]

I'll try and keep this brief...

Ok, so about a year ago I met this girl who was engaged, but having trouble with her fiance. She was 27, I was almost 21. She was basically obsessed with me, constantly texting & calling me, trying to make plans to hook w/ me behind his back, ect.

We ended up hooking up a few times, and started getting kind of close, but we got in a big fight, and didn't speak for some months. She got back together with her fiance in the meantime, and smoothed some of the issues out. We ended up making up later on, which was this past spring.

Pretty much, we've been really flirty ever since then, but haven't done anything. Is it possible/likely that this girl still harbors feelings for me, or that feelings could be re-kindled?

Thanks.

[leadpipe]

I was hoping you might have a moment to help another person today. Your thread is as popular as ever and very insightful. I have learned a few things that helped my brain from imploding.
There's no manual for relationships and people seem to be harder to befriend these days. 24 and never done much dating. The classic fat kid turned (sorta)buff so never had much experience with women. I find myself with more self confidence then ever and out of a LTR of 6 years.
I have learned a few biggies reading, such as not showing "need a relationship" body language. Just chill and be receptive to a woman's interest in me. Don't force it but follow up.
Was hoping you had all this dating advice in a primer somewhere. Particularly a chapter on conversation and getting that first date.
Thanks for taking time out to help out another person from cyberspace.

Best wishes and good health for your family,
Shawn

[Geno]

Yes, I know. I lost internet access for a while, and since I don't have a local driver's liscence yet, couldn't use the library, either.

I'm glad you sorted it out. I find that most people pretty much already know the answers, usually either just don't want to accept it, don't trust themselves, or have gotten bad advice from others and feel conflicted on whether to trust their instincts or the bad advice.

Good job on getting yourself into a good head-space on it without help.

You still around on this site or what?

[Nolan78]

okay well hear goes:
i have just been told off by my first love
im only 16 almost 17, but ive been with her since i was 14

we broke up a couple of time but the other day we got in a huge arguement and she said she would never talk to me again, and i really think she meant it
we had a pretty complex relationship for such a young age b/c we live in the south and im white and she was black, but no matter what we always over came our differences
we were like the popular couple in our school and all that crap
we did everything together, we had all the same interests,
i went on my first date with her, she was my first love i lost my v-card to her and everything
but last nite me being a dumb ass i called her and she stayed firm on the stance that we are done, she said she cant deal with my parents (who hate her), she cant deal with me letting my friends get in my head, and she cant deal with all this other stress any more

she is a very strong female and idk if anything will change her mind

she tells me we will never be together again, but at the same time she said she still loves me and has feelings for me, i want to be with her again so bad

but idk what to do
and if it is over idk how to really get over it

[trainTilfailure]

any takes on my situation with an awesome girl but is in a relationship?

theres this girl in my college that i met, we have a lot of mutual friends (shes friends with my roommate, and couple of my buddies). the thing is shes in a relationship of about 2 years or something and my friends are telling me that I shouldnt try anything on her. but one of my friends tell me that he "overheard" her in the car talking to her friend about me, like oh yea his cute, his do-able, blah blah. i really dig this chick, shes down to earth, cool, looks amazing.. and she smokes weed.. =).. shes one of the few girls i ever met, that i would even think about being in a relationship.. so what should i do? i feel i should just linger in the friend zone for awhile but i dont want to lose the attraction

[leadpipe]

any takes on my situation with an awesome girl but is in a relationship?

theres this girl in my college that i met, we have a lot of mutual friends (shes friends with my roommate, and couple of my buddies). the thing is shes in a relationship of about 2 years or something and my friends are telling me that I shouldnt try anything on her. but one of my friends tell me that he "overheard" her in the car talking to her friend about me, like oh yea his cute, his do-able, blah blah. i really dig this chick, shes down to earth, cool, looks amazing.. and she smokes weed.. =).. shes one of the few girls i ever met, that i would even think about being in a relationship.. so what should i do? i feel i should just linger in the friend zone for awhile but i dont want to lose the attraction

"You can buy new friends" You have to go where your heart leads you. Live to have no regrets.

[slammedsl1]

I think I finally understand why they say not to get involved with people you work with. I may have lucked out, although I'll still have to deal with this for the rest of the week.

I guess I'm looking for advice, but I don't ever find anything someone says to me very helpful in keeping my emotions in check.

Cliffs of the situation : Met girl, she's engaged, she cheats on him with me, we spend tons of time together, she wants to be with me, tells me she loves me, I find out she's been seeing her ex, he finds out she's been seeing me, we both tell her where to go, she comes crawling back to me, crying, begging, pleading, acting quite crazy. I verbally assault her in an ownage unseen in history, she quits work, leaves for Cuba for 1 week, saying she loves me and she wants a chance to explain when she gets back, she comes back (after 1 week) and says nvm, she doesn't want to talk, she found someone else. Guess that proves right there what kind of person she is.

Now, I knew all along not to get too emotionally involved, knowing full well that these sort of relationships never work, and I didn't believe her when she said she loved me, she's just another girl who puts sex above anything else. She's done this week, but I still have to walk by her from time to time. I won't say a word, I told her not to talk to me and she's not as bothered as she was last week when she came crawling back. We were never dating, I feel betrayed as a friend more than anything.

Everytime I see her, my heart just starts pumping, I don't know if it's anger, but it's stressful. It puts me in a bad mood. I know it's not my fault, I guess I'll have to suck it up for now. I want to yell, scream and do anything to make myself feel better, but I'm above that, so I get to deal with it by myself, no one I know puts themselves through **** like this, no one I know can relate. It's only been 9 months, a total rollercoaster, my only other relationship of 3 years consumed me for over a year after we broke up and I'm good now, so I guess in time, I'll be ok.

I knew I didn't want a relationship before, and I did it. I try so hard to avoid it but it happens. Now this, I'm confused, I feel like this is how my life will be forever.

[Geno]

That would be a no.

[---abcd----]

hello,
It is been a while.There is no counselor that specialise in this field in the country, as I am living in a third world country where most of the people are more concerned about their pay.I am concern because I don't want to wage a wrong 'war', when there would be a time where I have to choose between my partner and my family.I have been with him for almost 6 years.
Both families have started to notice bits of the relationship and giving hints of disapproval.
I am aware that he has an admirer(another gay).I encouraged him to accept the other guy, as I think it would be better for him to be with a guy who is confident in his sexuality. I am thinking of going single just to avoid more problems piling in.However,I feel that it will be irresponsible for me to do that.

May I know whether paying for sex is a good method to determine sexuality?

Regards

[parkway drive]

hello,
It is been a while.There is no counselor that specialise in this field in the country, as I am living in a third world country where most of the people are more concerned about their pay.I am concern because I don't want to wage a wrong 'war', when there would be a time where I have to choose between my partner and my family.I have been with him for almost 6 years.
Both families have started to notice bits of the relationship and giving hints of disapproval.
I am aware that he has an admirer(another gay).I encouraged him to accept the other guy, as I think it would be better for him to be with a guy who is confident in his sexuality. I am thinking of going single just to avoid more problems piling in.However,I feel that it will be irresponsible for me to do that.

May I know whether paying for sex is a good method to determine sexuality?

Regards

You **** doods, and you are gay. Nuff said.

[The.Truth]

Do you consider if disrespectful if a girl you're with eyes up other guys, talks about checking guys out at the gym, talks about celeb fantasies and guys they find hot IRL?

I know this sounds insecure, but I don't have to say "she's hot I want a threesome with her" like she does. Disrespectful or insecure?

I'm leaning towards disrespectful. Why would she need to say these things?

[Geno]

Do you consider if disrespectful if a girl you're with eyes up other guys, talks about checking guys out at the gym, talks about celeb fantasies and guys they find hot IRL?

I know this sounds insecure, but I don't have to say "she's hot I want a threesome with her" like she does. Disrespectful or insecure?

I'm leaning towards disrespectful. Why would she need to say these things?

EXTREMELY disrespectful. She is one step away from cheating on you.

[The.Truth]

EXTREMELY disrespectful. She is one step away from cheating on you.

Sarcasm? If it is and you have nothing better to say why would you act so immature?

Plz see here for better description.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=112763821

[Geno]

Sarcasm? If it is and you have nothing better to say why would you act so immature?

Plz see here for better description.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=112763821

Damn - Amris left us again.

Not disrespectful at all. I'll read that thread and get back to you soon.

[Geno]

Dude - I read the damn opening statement and yet again say the same thing - EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL.

I am married to a woman who is beautiful (1989 Miss Maine competitor). I get a lot of stares at her and so forth and that's to be expected. She would never do such nonsense. She is bi and stares at girls she likes just a bit but she always points out that she is attracted (to said girl) before she does so and asks my permission to speak with them.

That is respect. She doesn't have to, I've never asked her to, she just does it. I encourage her to flirt with anyone she find's attractive and have told her she doesn't need my approval yet she still asks if it's okay every single time.

[Iatros01]

My girl just broke up with me about a month ago. Her reason of breaking it up is that she is confused of what to do because she may be leaving out of state after she grads college. She says it's the best thing for the both of us just in case she leaves. But before she has thought about this idea. She said she was so madly in love with me and that she wanted to be a part of my life. We were planning some future plans together. After we meet, we just hit it off. We saw each other a lot, 3-4x a week at least. Then all of a sudden, without warning or signs, she did a complete 180 on me. She became distant, confused, and needing to clear her mind. So she decided to stay friends and said "i hope we get close" someday. Which I agreed because I felt that I needed to give her space. Anyway, I've messed up a lot already by texting her and calling her initially. So I've slowly started to slowly not text/call her. Now she is wondering how I am doing and what I am doing and with who. I avoided her text one day when she asked me "hi how are you?". So the next day she sent me another message like the previous one. I still did not message her back. Hours later I get a text from her saying "Fine, I am not gonna message you anymore or call, I feel like i'm talking to a wall. if you want to talk, you call me". So I waited for a bit and responded to her message.
We been kinda talking here and there but nothing to serious. We talked about hanging out as friends. But here's my problem, which I hope you can help me with it. After we had broken up, we hung out a few times as friends. Last night, while chatting with her on MSN, she confessed to me that one of the reasons she is being distant from me is that everytime her and I hang out her romantic feelings start to come back. So I said, "what is the problem? be with me then". and she replied "I'm afraid to continue what we have because I might leave out of state".
So my question is, What do I do when she texts me asking me how i'm doing and what i'm doing.? It's kind of hard for me to ignore her because I hate feeling like an A$$hole.
She wanted to hang out soon and I kind of agreed with it... but now I do not know what to do...
I am still in love with this woman, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back....I have slightly moved on and trying to stay busy just in case it doesnt work out. Do you think there's still a chance between us? Should I hang out with her and try charm her back?

[Future24]

How can I make my girlfriend whipped? Like hardcore style whipped?

[Richie_Awesome]

I'm addicted to this thread!

[JWalke]

bump for the new year...


how did this lose it's sticky? this is one of the best threads on here.

[bearfan34201]

One thing I never understood with myself is how I get tongue tied and nervous. I'm one of the most personable, confident people I know when in the right situation. When I'm off... I'm off. There is this really good looking blonde I'm talking to who has been 'texting' me a lot as of late. We hung out tonight and as I think things went well(we agreed on me giving her a call to do somehting this weekend) I still have this inability to get tongue tied over NOTHING. It never seems to get better. I always get really nervous and shaky when I'm going out to a party or taking a girl out on a date for the first time. I know some people consider this natural. But to me, I expected myself to cut thisc rap out years ago. I've never really been "rejected" from any girl, and from the one who I was flaty rejected by she apologized saying she had a boyfriend, and as tempted as she was.. She knew he'd get her. And I respect that.

Yet I find myself in situations where I am almost scared of meeting up. Same with public speaking. I work at a gym as a manager so I'm constantly talking to people, signing them up, answering any questions yet in giving a speech I fumble, get really hot, nervous, shake all over, sweat. It's ridiculous. Even my teacher was shocked by how I was during speeches in class. Same with my friends, it was utter shock.

Point being, I've never been great at 'closing' a deal. And I would like to see where this one atleast goes. She called thanking me for coming out tonight, and I replied thanks for having me,blah blah blah. Anyways, I find this girl texts/calls me when I don't call her within a few days. I understand that they might like the chase, but at what point do I man up and start asking her out? It's almost like I'm worried that if I show any remote interest(ex:Asking to hang out, saying I had fun) she'll stop talking to me. Makes absolute no sense.

[BEhave]

One thing I never understood with myself is how I get tongue tied and nervous. I'm one of the most personable, confident people I know when in the right situation. When I'm off... I'm off. There is this really good looking blonde I'm talking to who has been 'texting' me a lot as of late. We hung out tonight and as I think things went well(we agreed on me giving her a call to do somehting this weekend) I still have this inability to get tongue tied over NOTHING. It never seems to get better. I always get really nervous and shaky when I'm going out to a party or taking a girl out on a date for the first time. I know some people consider this natural. But to me, I expected myself to cut thisc rap out years ago. I've never really been "rejected" from any girl, and from the one who I was flaty rejected by she apologized saying she had a boyfriend, and as tempted as she was.. She knew he'd get her. And I respect that.

Yet I find myself in situations where I am almost scared of meeting up. Same with public speaking. I work at a gym as a manager so I'm constantly talking to people, signing them up, answering any questions yet in giving a speech I fumble, get really hot, nervous, shake all over, sweat. It's ridiculous. Even my teacher was shocked by how I was during speeches in class. Same with my friends, it was utter shock.

Point being, I've never been great at 'closing' a deal. And I would like to see where this one atleast goes. She called thanking me for coming out tonight, and I replied thanks for having me,blah blah blah. Anyways, I find this girl texts/calls me when I don't call her within a few days. I understand that they might like the chase, but at what point do I man up and start asking her out? It's almost like I'm worried that if I show any remote interest(ex:Asking to hang out, saying I had fun) she'll stop talking to me. Makes absolute no sense.

I know I am not Amris, but the simple answer is practice makes perfect. If you want to get better at public speaking, look opportunities to do some public speaking. If you want to get over rejection, go out and approach 20 girls today and purposely get rejected (you might actually get some dates like this lol) and if you do get "rejected" you'll see that there is no real harm in it. Jordan missed game winning shots, yet still went for them in later games. The point is, you can't let one little failure stop you.

Schopenhauer the philosopher makes a good point as well, our problems are extremely small in the grand scale of the universe. Getting rejected isn't that bad.

As far as the rest of your post, I got nothing.