Ask Amris

**bpc1234** · 10-08-2008, 10:38 PM

After hanging out with a new girl for a couple weeks I started to really like her and I showed it way too strongly. I made a classic mistake of wanting to hang out a lot and just lost my cool basically. I know I was acting insecure and needy now, but my question is can a guy bounce back from making that mistake and what might be a good way to go about it? Should I tell her I screwed up and acted insecure and should have played it a lot more cool than I did? Any chance that might work.

**Amris** · 10-09-2008, 06:02 AM

Originally Posted by KingLitti

So Armis, why did you post this thread?

Do you like giving out advice, or is this only for the good of mankind? just fun perhaps? Whatever the answer,why so?

Is it an ego boost having guys asking for advice, giving it, and. getting compliments on your wisdom?

My spiritual beliefs call for service. This is one of the ways that I answer that call.

And to add to that, I was asked to create a sticky and answer questions, so I am.

Originally Posted by trail of dead

Hi, long time viewer, but first time posting in here. Just got a small question that has been a problem for me lately. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years almost. She goes away to school two hours away. We were together for a year before she left and our relationship has always been very happy.

But one thing that just drives me nuts is when she gives no effort in communicating over the phone. We see each other once a month basically, so I always say talking on the phone is all we have and I try to put effort into it, but she often sounds like she really does not care and rarely wants to know what I'm doing in too much detail. Honestly, it hurts my feeling, cause I care a lot about what she does. Her excuse always is that she doesn't like talking on the phone, but how else will a long distance relationship work then? Is it wrong that I get annoyed and sometimes upset at this? Just need another persons opinion, and my friends are too dumb to ask haha

I'm sorry to say, friend, long distance relationships rarely work at all. And you are right, much communication is far better for long distance relationships. If she's not willing to put forth the effort, then the relationship is very likely to fail.

Unfortunately, you have done what you can. If she won't listen and won't try, there is little more you can do. You can try withdrawing yourself and see if that will pull her into putting forth more effort. But it may also backfire, it's hard to say for sure.

**Amris** · 10-09-2008, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by bpc1234

After hanging out with a new girl for a couple weeks I started to really like her and I showed it way too strongly. I made a classic mistake of wanting to hang out a lot and just lost my cool basically. I know I was acting insecure and needy now, but my question is can a guy bounce back from making that mistake and what might be a good way to go about it? Should I tell her I screwed up and acted insecure and should have played it a lot more cool than I did? Any chance that might work.

It depends on the status of the relationship right now. If she has withdrawn, then leave her alone. If the two of you are still hanging out or dating, but she seems to be overwhelmed, then just step back. Don't apologize, no matter what you do, and don't say you should have played it more cool-- just do so.

But if she has ended the "relationship," then you must honor that and let it go. You will just continue to look needy and desperate by contacting her in any way, shape, or form.

**quickups** · 10-09-2008, 10:08 AM

How do you feel about gifts or little things that show you're appreciation/love that are unexpected?

I feel that giving a gift to her during a holiday or birthday is not as good as giving her something that is unexpected(although I would still do it) because you were thinking of her(although I would do it once in a while not on regular occasion).

**Amris** · 10-09-2008, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by quickups

How do you feel about gifts or little things that show you're appreciation/love that are unexpected?

I feel that giving a gift to her during a holiday or birthday is not as good as giving her something that is unexpected(although I would still do it) because you were thinking of her(although I would do it once in a while not on regular occasion).

Those are the best kind. They're done genuinely, not out of obligation.

As long as they're kept rare and spontaneous, that is.

**Pierre23** · 10-10-2008, 10:13 AM

Amris, I'm a shy person, lack confidence and when it come to women I plainly suck, I get involved with them too soon, I needy, almost always agree with them on everything (lack caractere I guess) and always looking to be their hero/white knight when something happen to them.

Overall I know I got some serious issues, like I too nice to them and they takes advantages of it but I'm a soft at heart kind of person. I can't bring myself to tell them "Can't help you on this" , "Look I don't care if you had issues with your bf, go cry to someone else" or doing favors for them.

You got any tricks for helping someone like me boosting their confidence, caractere and level of ***holeness ?

**wraith666x** · 10-11-2008, 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by Amris

Got an honest and earnest question? Go ahead, ask me in this thread.

Please keep in mind, though, that if it's something deeply serious, a person who you can sit down face-to-face with, who can get to know you and can take more personal one on one time with you is always your best bet. If you need counseling, please get it.

If you have general questions, though, or just want the advice of an honest "friend," then go ahead and ask. I'm pretty honest, though, so before you ask me your relationship or dating questions, recognize the fact that you might not like my answer. I don't pull any punches. If you want a woman's perspective (not a typical woman who will parrot popular answers, but honest answers), then go ahead and ask me.

I'm happy to answer your questions about sexuality, relationships, or life in general. Bare in mind, though, that if you want sexual answers from me, ask me respectfully, and I'll answer respectfully. Be a twit, and I'll slap you down. Be worse than a twit, and the moderators will slap your ass down.

Life's very busy for me lately, so please be patient if I don't get to your question right away. And if I happen to miss you, speak up. I sometimes decide to come back to posts, and forget, but I don't ever deliberately skip someone who asks an honest, earnest question.

okay heres my story just got set up with this girl through a friend called her the next day talked to her a bit (what she likes,complimented her a bit) and then set up a date so we can meet up told her il call her tomorrow so i can get to know her better, text her later complementing her on how sexy and gorgeous she is..my problem is that i just cant seem to keep a conversation over the phone any tips or suggestions to keep it going? Also did i come off to strong with the compliments?

**iGreek** · 10-11-2008, 05:56 PM

Ok, so I have a small problem. Personally, I don't have a problem getting with girls my own age and some a year or 2 older. It's probably because I look older than my age and can grow full facial hair and such. My problem though is when I truly am interested in a girl I can not get myself to talk to her. Any other day I can have a conversation with say a HB7 or 8 and not have a problem: though I do not really have an interest in them. Just talking as friends, you know?

When I'm really interested in a girl it seems like I can't get across what I want like I can with a normal one. Tonight I was at a place pumpkin picking and such with the family and saw a few friends that worked there. When in the store they had, I noticed a cute redhead behind the register. Judging from her body language and such I knew she was interested in me but I couldn't get myself over to talk to her. I truly don't know why. I'm thinking about asking a friend that works there whether she knows her and can tell me her name and such. What do you think the reason is that I freeze up in a situation like that?

**Hawklet** · 10-12-2008, 10:01 AM

Hi Amris,

I'm sure you've run into situations like this before. I'm interested in hearing your input. Link to thread: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=111209691

If you don't want to switch threads, cliffnotes:

Friends with girl forever. Went to college. We both realized we liked eachother forever. Great chemistry. Want to get into more serious relationship. Live 2 hours away from eachother. Destined to fail? What should we do?

**Andystm** · 10-13-2008, 06:48 PM

Hi Amris, I jus saw this thread and it seems pretty cool having a lady giving out real answers lol.
Ok here goes: met girl, got said girls number, went out with her for about 2 weeks (like we started meeting up the day after we met lol, it was pretty instantaneous, we really hit it off. I have a thread somewhere if u wanna read it pm me) but never went in for the kill (too slow I know, never really been thru a real relationship so..). All was great, holding hands, affection etc. One night at party I couldn't pay her much attention cos I was being bugged by other ppl non stop, she started to play hard to get and it just died out.
I texted her saying hey tell me when ur free this weekend and we can talk kinda thing, u know, I just wanted to end things well, I realised I had nothing to do anymore, especially after bumping into her at a club, she was polite and smiley but that was it, didn't wanna dance or have a drink so I discreetly buggered off).
She didn't answer, what do ou reckon I should do when I see her again (will do, small community at this univeristy of foreign erasmus people)thanks!

EDIT: I just saw her right now. I was going to a conference by Mark Zuckerman or whatever his name is, the creator of ********, and she was outside. She said hi first and i was just like hey how are you etc and asked if I was at the right place for the conference. She said yeah that she'd be back in like a second. So i went in but it was so full of people and I was boiling to death I just said hi to people and left. I saw her again as I was leaving and said "I'm off, theres too many people and I got stuff to do, c ya round" kind athing. I didn't stop to talk to her I just said it as I went by. The thing is I kind of want an explanation as to why we just died out, or should I just not bother? I mean I think I deserve an explanation, it's not as if I wanna convince her into anything lol. Anyways, I was actually kind of surprised by our encounter, it didn't seem awkward at all. What do you reckon oh Love Guru?

**Lucky_ROA** · 10-15-2008, 02:47 PM

Amris, do you hate Sauce-head ?

**brianphi** · 10-15-2008, 03:13 PM

Amris, it's my wife's birthday at the end of the month, money is tight, what are some good ideas in the $50-$150 range?

**MK2509** · 10-15-2008, 05:19 PM

Hey Amris, i have a tough situation. I work with this girl who i really like and last weekened we hooked up.. it was the 2nd time we hooked up but this time we slept together. Haven't spoken to her til today when I worked with her.. and I hooked up with her twice in the back of the store. Last weekend she told me how relationships are dumb and that she has trust issues and has been hurt so much in the past. She makesout with a LOT of guys too.. but doesn't sleep with any of them. The only sexual partners she had was 3 of her long term boyfriends.. now me. When I say she makesout with a lot of guys, it's like whenever I talk to her she has some story of how she "got with this kid today.." bla bla bla

So really 2 questions: 1.) from just what i've told you, do you think she likes me more than hookups and wants a relationship with me? Or just sees me as a friend with benefits and her hookup buddy? and 2.) next time we hangout outside of work I plan on telling her how much I really like her and how much of a great couple we'd make and how i'd never do anything to hurt her. Good idea? Or is that coming off a little creepy?

**AlphaMe** · 10-23-2008, 08:38 PM

Hey Amris, I need your opinion, please check your PM....

**brianphi** · 10-24-2008, 11:06 AM

Amris hasn't been on for 10 days... where's the love?

**BigPoppaPump84** · 10-24-2008, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by brianphi

Amris hasn't been on for 10 days... where's the love?

She'll be back... (no Arnold)

**lolwutBRB** · 10-28-2008, 07:23 PM

Hey Amris.

Im going to put my situation in cliffs because its just easier for both of us.

- Met this girl on holiday
- I 'Fell in Love' with her
- I made it to obvious that I liked her and I even told her this after 3 freaking days of meeting her (Yes big mistake)
- She was in control and she knew that she could have me whenever she wanted.
- Last 3 days of the holiday I completely ignored her and it worked. (She began to flirt with me again and it was like Day 1 all over again)
- I kinda made the mistake of showing that I really liked her again and she caught onto this.

Is there anyway I can make it work with this girl, or has the damage been done? I only cyber talk to her now because she lives in a different area to me. I really like this girl and I really want her to feel the same way about me, how the hell do I do this?

**Jacked_J** · 10-30-2008, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by lolwutBRB

Hey Amris.

Im going to put my situation in cliffs because its just easier for both of us.

- Met this girl on holiday
- I 'Fell in Love' with her
- I made it to obvious that I liked her and I even told her this after 3 freaking days of meeting her (Yes big mistake)
- She was in control and she knew that she could have me whenever she wanted.
- Last 3 days of the holiday I completely ignored her and it worked. (She began to flirt with me again and it was like Day 1 all over again)
- I kinda made the mistake of showing that I really liked her again and she caught onto this.

Is there anyway I can make it work with this girl, or has the damage been done? I only cyber talk to her now because she lives in a different area to me. I really like this girl and I really want her to feel the same way about me, how the hell do I do this?

Did you kiss her? Have you been in her presence?

**xtheeman** · 11-01-2008, 05:12 PM

i was in a relationship with my lady 4 3 yrs and the 1st 2 1/2 were great until she started drinking.she got violent and had to leave home quite a few times.she has 3 kids and i have 3 kids but, none together.we are not living together anymore but we have talked a little bit,but 1 thing that she has said to me is that when u love something you don't leave it you try to fix it.she tried aa before when i left and when i come back home she never went again.i'm 38 and she's 27 and i do love her and miss the women i met at 1st not the monster she is when she is drinking.did i do the right thing or should i try to help her?????????

**someguy2000** · 11-02-2008, 05:48 AM

Ive been seeing a girl for 8 months everything was working out until 3 weeks ago when she told me she looked for reasons to dump guys but couldnt find one for me she said it was a good thing but scared me and I acted distant for the 2 weeks after that. After that night she said things seemed "different" then before and she still liked me and wanted to date but wasnt sure why things changed. How can I make it unawkward again, im pretty much normal but this I feel this girl is scarred from the 2 week weirdness.

**xvicknumber7x** · 11-02-2008, 06:46 PM

Amris, can you check this thread for me? Kind of minor but I'd like to know what I am working with. Thanks.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=111686621

**xtheeman** · 11-03-2008, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by xtheeman

i was in a relationship with my lady 4 3 yrs and the 1st 2 1/2 were great until she started drinking.she got violent and had to leave home quite a few times.she has 3 kids and i have 3 kids but, none together.we are not living together anymore but we have talked a little bit,but 1 thing that she has said to me is that when u love something you don't leave it you try to fix it.she tried aa before when i left and when i come back home she never went again.i'm 38 and she's 27 and i do love her and miss the women i met at 1st not the monster she is when she is drinking.did i do the right thing or should i try to help her?????????

nobody gave me any suggestion's........

**Amris** · 11-04-2008, 05:52 AM

Hey all. I've been sans internet for a while here. I'll do my best to dig through and answer posts and PMs here soon. I apologize for the delay, and I would have notified, but it happened a bit abruptly.

Please bear with me, as I have a LOT to catch up with all over.

**Amris** · 11-04-2008, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by wraith666x

okay heres my story just got set up with this girl through a friend called her the next day talked to her a bit (what she likes,complimented her a bit) and then set up a date so we can meet up told her il call her tomorrow so i can get to know her better, text her later complementing her on how sexy and gorgeous she is..my problem is that i just cant seem to keep a conversation over the phone any tips or suggestions to keep it going? Also did i come off to strong with the compliments?

Well, your best bet is to not keep a conversation going over the phone. Keep your phone conversations short. Ask her to lunch, dinner, party, whatever, and end the conversation. This will make her look forward to the date, makes you look busy, and prevents the whole problem of her "getting enough of you" over the phone.

And yes, overboard with the compliments. Compliments should be earned and unpredictable. They come when you genuinely feel them arise in you, and not out of a need to please her or lavish her.

Originally Posted by iGreek

Ok, so I have a small problem. Personally, I don't have a problem getting with girls my own age and some a year or 2 older. It's probably because I look older than my age and can grow full facial hair and such. My problem though is when I truly am interested in a girl I can not get myself to talk to her. Any other day I can have a conversation with say a HB7 or 8 and not have a problem: though I do not really have an interest in them. Just talking as friends, you know?

When I'm really interested in a girl it seems like I can't get across what I want like I can with a normal one. Tonight I was at a place pumpkin picking and such with the family and saw a few friends that worked there. When in the store they had, I noticed a cute redhead behind the register. Judging from her body language and such I knew she was interested in me but I couldn't get myself over to talk to her. I truly don't know why. I'm thinking about asking a friend that works there whether she knows her and can tell me her name and such. What do you think the reason is that I freeze up in a situation like that?

There could be a million reasons why. But instead of worrying about why, how about we just teach you a simple mental trick that will typically get you past it.

Before going to speak with her, imagine yourself getting very big, like a giant. You get so big, in fact, that you have to bend over to be in the room, you're spilling out of the building or the area almost. You're HUGE, MASSIVE... and at the same time, she's getting smaller, and smaller. In this mental image, you have to bend down to look at her.

Now, with this image of you huge and her tiny, bounce the image back and forth about 4 inches away from your temple... left to right, right to left, back and forth for a few seconds.

This will mentally "mix it up" for you, and you'll lose the sense of her being intimidating, and have a sense of yourself being the dominant one, instead.

Simple, but usually very effective, technique. Courtesy Burt Goldman, if you're interested.

**Amris** · 11-04-2008, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by Hawklet

Hi Amris,

I'm sure you've run into situations like this before. I'm interested in hearing your input. Link to thread: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=111209691

If you don't want to switch threads, cliffnotes:

Friends with girl forever. Went to college. We both realized we liked eachother forever. Great chemistry. Want to get into more serious relationship. Live 2 hours away from eachother. Destined to fail? What should we do?

Not necessarily destined to fail, if you take the time to make the weekly 4 hour trips and spend the weekend together, you may well make it.

Odds, however, are extremely against you.

Originally Posted by Andystm

Hi Amris, I jus saw this thread and it seems pretty cool having a lady giving out real answers lol.
Ok here goes: met girl, got said girls number, went out with her for about 2 weeks (like we started meeting up the day after we met lol, it was pretty instantaneous, we really hit it off. I have a thread somewhere if u wanna read it pm me) but never went in for the kill (too slow I know, never really been thru a real relationship so..). All was great, holding hands, affection etc. One night at party I couldn't pay her much attention cos I was being bugged by other ppl non stop, she started to play hard to get and it just died out.
I texted her saying hey tell me when ur free this weekend and we can talk kinda thing, u know, I just wanted to end things well, I realised I had nothing to do anymore, especially after bumping into her at a club, she was polite and smiley but that was it, didn't wanna dance or have a drink so I discreetly buggered off).
She didn't answer, what do ou reckon I should do when I see her again (will do, small community at this univeristy of foreign erasmus people)thanks!

EDIT: I just saw her right now. I was going to a conference by Mark Zuckerman or whatever his name is, the creator of ********, and she was outside. She said hi first and i was just like hey how are you etc and asked if I was at the right place for the conference. She said yeah that she'd be back in like a second. So i went in but it was so full of people and I was boiling to death I just said hi to people and left. I saw her again as I was leaving and said "I'm off, theres too many people and I got stuff to do, c ya round" kind athing. I didn't stop to talk to her I just said it as I went by. The thing is I kind of want an explanation as to why we just died out, or should I just not bother? I mean I think I deserve an explanation, it's not as if I wanna convince her into anything lol. Anyways, I was actually kind of surprised by our encounter, it didn't seem awkward at all. What do you reckon oh Love Guru?

It doesn't matter why. It could have been any number of things, and she doesn't owe you an explaination. Bothering her for one will just make you look like a dick. It's past time for you to just let it go and move on.

Originally Posted by Lucky_ROA

Amris, do you hate Sauce-head ?

Nope. I've had a number of PM conversations with him, and I rather like him, matter-of-fact. I've no reason to dislike him. There are a great many people in the world whom I quite treasure, but don't agree with them on everything.

Having a different viewpoint from mine does not make him a bad person.

**Amris** · 11-04-2008, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by lolwutBRB

Hey Amris.

Im going to put my situation in cliffs because its just easier for both of us.

- Met this girl on holiday
- I 'Fell in Love' with her
- I made it to obvious that I liked her and I even told her this after 3 freaking days of meeting her (Yes big mistake)
- She was in control and she knew that she could have me whenever she wanted.
- Last 3 days of the holiday I completely ignored her and it worked. (She began to flirt with me again and it was like Day 1 all over again)
- I kinda made the mistake of showing that I really liked her again and she caught onto this.

Is there anyway I can make it work with this girl, or has the damage been done? I only cyber talk to her now because she lives in a different area to me. I really like this girl and I really want her to feel the same way about me, how the hell do I do this?

Well, frankly, given everything against you, I wouldn't know where to begin trying to tell you what you might do.

1. Long distance thing-- odds extremely against you
2. Your on-and-off behavior-- makes you look a little whacky
3. You kept letting on how much you liked her-- needy behavior that's hard to recover from (if at all)

I'm sorry, friend, but I would strongly suggest you block her IM and move on. You're just playing head games with yourself by allowing her to keep giving you false hope so she can prey on your needy drive to give her all the attention she wants.

Originally Posted by xtheeman

i was in a relationship with my lady 4 3 yrs and the 1st 2 1/2 were great until she started drinking.she got violent and had to leave home quite a few times.she has 3 kids and i have 3 kids but, none together.we are not living together anymore but we have talked a little bit,but 1 thing that she has said to me is that when u love something you don't leave it you try to fix it.she tried aa before when i left and when i come back home she never went again.i'm 38 and she's 27 and i do love her and miss the women i met at 1st not the monster she is when she is drinking.did i do the right thing or should i try to help her?????????

You did the right thing, except that you've allowed contact with her since. She is an alcoholic, she will promise you the moon, and she will guilt trip you, and she will do anything and everything she can to get you to enable her.

When you have to "fix" something in order to stay with is... that's not love.

Listen to yourself, you don't need me for this.... you love the woman she WAS, but NOT the woman SHE IS.

It couldn't be more clear than this.

Originally Posted by someguy2000

Ive been seeing a girl for 8 months everything was working out until 3 weeks ago when she told me she looked for reasons to dump guys but couldnt find one for me she said it was a good thing but scared me and I acted distant for the 2 weeks after that. After that night she said things seemed "different" then before and she still liked me and wanted to date but wasnt sure why things changed. How can I make it unawkward again, im pretty much normal but this I feel this girl is scarred from the 2 week weirdness.

Just act like things are the way they were before. Pretend it never happened, and she'll start to follow suit before long. Be confident. Regardless of all her mental weirdness (and yeah, sorry, it's mental weirdness), she's locked into you. She admitted she likes you and can't find a reason to dump you. She's done, she's just trying to regain some power in the relationship.

Ultimately, the only problem here is that you're allowing insecurity to creep in and over-write the knowledge you have that you're already locked in. She's not scarred, she's following your lead, it's you who is "scarred." Forget about the two weeks and get on with things.

**JtotheIzzo** · 11-04-2008, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by Pierre23

Amris, I'm a shy person, lack confidence and when it come to women I plainly suck, I get involved with them too soon, I needy, almost always agree with them on everything (lack caractere I guess) and always looking to be their hero/white knight when something happen to them.

Overall I know I got some serious issues, like I too nice to them and they takes advantages of it but I'm a soft at heart kind of person. I can't bring myself to tell them "Can't help you on this" , "Look I don't care if you had issues with your bf, go cry to someone else" or doing favors for them.

You got any tricks for helping someone like me boosting their confidence, caractere and level of ***holeness ?

Amris, did you respond to this person's post? I feel as though I can relate to what he is posting a little so your answer to his post could be helpful for me as well.

**Amris** · 11-04-2008, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by JtotheIzzo

Amris, did you respond to this person's post? I feel as though I can relate to what he is posting a little so your answer to his post could be helpful for me as well.

You're most right, I missed it. Thank you for pointing that out, and I do apologize!

Please, anyone, if you notice I missed a post, please do point it out, as I do not ignore apparently earnest posts (though I can't be bothered with most of the obviously snarky or sarcastic ones).

Originally Posted by Pierre23

Amris, I'm a shy person, lack confidence and when it come to women I plainly suck, I get involved with them too soon, I needy, almost always agree with them on everything (lack caractere I guess) and always looking to be their hero/white knight when something happen to them.

Overall I know I got some serious issues, like I too nice to them and they takes advantages of it but I'm a soft at heart kind of person. I can't bring myself to tell them "Can't help you on this" , "Look I don't care if you had issues with your bf, go cry to someone else" or doing favors for them.

You got any tricks for helping someone like me boosting their confidence, caractere and level of ***holeness ?

The bottom line of this behavior is that it states something very simple about you, to yourself, and to her...

That YOU must earn HER affection.

It also says some negative things about what you REALLY think about women. And this is something that you can address that will help you to stop these kinds of behaviors. Because at the end of the day, you don't honestly want to think ill of women, or you wouldn't (paradoxically), behave the way that you do. You mean well, but don't realize that in your well-meaningness, you are actually insulting them.

By trying to save women, you are showing that you lack confidence in her ability to solve her own problems. Is this really how you feel? Do you honestly think that women are incapable, incompetent, too stupid to solve problems? Really?

This is what this behavior shows. It shows an inherent distrust in women's ability to take care of themselves or to solve their own problems. It displays a lack of trust in her to care for herself. What you actually MEAN to do with this is to show that you care. But you need to stop looking at it like that, and you need to change your perspective...

Fixing her problems for her shows a lack of confidence in her ability to solve her own problems. This simple paradigm shift can help you to stop being the hero. Do her a real favor, a genuine favor, and push her to solve it herself. Show your confidence in her innate intelligence and ability to solve her own problems.

Indeed, you must make this paradigm shift over-all. Expect her to prove herself to YOU. After all, doesn't SHE deserve to be with someone who expects high standards from her? Doesn't SHE deserve to be with someone who encourages her to succeed ON HER OWN POWER?

Isn't she worth supporting in a REAL manner, instead of focusing on your own insecurities? Isn't SHE worth being a real man for, isn't SHE worth standing up to her so that she can KNOW that you'd have the power and the courage to be there to stand up for her in the case that she DOES get in over her head?

These kinds of behaviors show that you are desperate to please her. There's nothing really wrong with that, but you will do a lot better if you change your outlook on "what is best for her." You currently tell her that what's best for her is for you to rescue her and make her happy.

You have a sort of insecure arrogance. it's okay to keep that insecure arrogance if you want to-- but you need to shift your thinking with regards to it.

Right now, you are certain that she's incompetent to solve her own problems and you know what's best for her. So instead, start thinking that you know what's best for her-- and that is for her to solve her own problems, because she can do it better than you can.

Because the truth is, she can. You can only put a bandaid on it, only she can "fix" it.

**someguy2000** · 11-04-2008, 12:48 PM

Originally Posted by Amris

Just act like things are the way they were before. Pretend it never happened, and she'll start to follow suit before long. Be confident. Regardless of all her mental weirdness (and yeah, sorry, it's mental weirdness), she's locked into you. She admitted she likes you and can't find a reason to dump you. She's done, she's just trying to regain some power in the relationship.

Ultimately, the only problem here is that you're allowing insecurity to creep in and over-write the knowledge you have that you're already locked in. She's not scarred, she's following your lead, it's you who is "scarred." Forget about the two weeks and get on with things.

thanks its been a week. I think its getting better but she wont admit it shes being more normal. Another question is there a thing as being too nice. like say I do too much for her in a short period of time will she think she owns me?

**Amris** · 11-04-2008, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by someguy2000

thanks its been a week. I think its getting better but she wont admit it shes being more normal. Another question is there a thing as being too nice. like say I do too much for her in a short period of time will she think she owns me?

Yes. The person who appears most emotionally invested into the relationship has the least power.

The more "nice" you do, the more emotionally invested you appear.

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Good advice to start the thread so i have a question

armis i got a question

nobody gave me any suggestion's........

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