Ask Amris

[Amris]

1. What are ways women can feel loved?

Security and communication. Many small touches throughout the day.

And by security, I don't mean secure in the relationship, I mean a sense that she's with someone powerful enough to keep her safe-- the only issue here is determining what helps her feel that way. Perhaps high moral character, maybe physical strength, financial power, whatever.

2. What do you recommend couples do in general(despite how long they've been whether it be 3 months or 3 years) in order to keep their bond and love strong for each other?

a. get a life. Having hobbies and interests beyond each other will keep your lives from becoming stale and keep you/her from putting too much pressure on the other one to be [your/her] life for [you/her]

b. recognition that how you feel right now may not be your over-all feelings for this person. love is always a choice, but not always a feeling of infatuation/affection

3. When someone is starting to fall out of love, is there anything a person can do about it to prevent it before it gets worse? How can you get back into it?

Discover the core of the problem. Boredom? General discontent with life? Resentment?

Heal the underlying problem, and the rest will follow naturally.

4. Besides trust, respect, love and communication is there anything else couples can do to improve their relationship? (this may be repeating question 2 but I just wanted to write it down if you have a different answer for it)

Newness whenever possible. Newness produces dopamine, which is the basis of those new, burning feelings of infatuation that we're all so familiar with and seek (usually mistaking THIS for love, instead of real love for love).

New vacation scenes, new sexual experienes together, even as simple as a new restaurant for dinner. Also, revisit the places where you went when you were first dating, because this is why so many people go back after breakups-- this brings on a surge of dopamine. The revisiting of the place where you had so many dopamine surges will typically recreate them.

[Gangreen]

Hey Amris you offer some good advice I hope you can help me though

Basically I met this girl a month before college started and we met up a few times and it was really good..getting to know each other etc. Anyway a week or two before it started she admitted she liked me but didn't want to rush into anything too soon..and it was only a week or two later of hanging out that I admitted I liked her too..perhaps this was a mistake in the "players rules" but whatever its done..im not doing this to play her...

So now its 2 weeks into college and almost 2 months since we first met. We are both still meeting new people which is good and when we are together its really good too inside and outside of college. The only thing is that when we go to clubs she gets clingy but is not as clingy outside..and I mentioned it to her in a conversation and again she said how she didn't want to rush anything because of past events that she experienced..

The problem I really have is getting her to open up..i.e. getting her in that mode just to talk to me about stuff that happened in the past as I feel its holding us back. Some friends are telling me to leave her alone as she's leading me on but its simple to say from the outside..whereas others are telling me to stick with her. I tried the distance approach and she went on about how she didn't want to lose me and finds it hard to say stuff etc. In my heart im willing to put up with her because shes one of the few girls i meet that I think is worth this hassle..but at the same time my mind is telling me not to put all my eggs in one basket. I dont know whether to distance myself or continue hanging out with her as much as we do inside/outside of college..like just going with the flow and being me..

Theres alot of stuff I havent included in this post which are important but if you want to ask me questions go for it. Its just a summary..thanks!

[quickups]

Security and communication. Many small touches throughout the day.

By small touches do you mean that simple reminders like phone calls, texts, card that let her know that I love her? Is that what you meant?

And by security, I don't mean secure in the relationship, I mean a sense that she's with someone powerful enough to keep her safe-- the only issue here is determining what helps her feel that way. Perhaps high moral character, maybe physical strength, financial power, whatever.

So let me try to understand..safe as in she feels comfortable in the relationship? I'm having a hard time conceptualizing it.

b. recognition that how you feel right now may not be your over-all feelings for this person. love is always a choice, but not always a feeling of infatuation/affection

What did you mean by this?


Another question..
How does one know if he/she is in love or if the feeling they have IS love?

[SiZzLaX]

In my younger days my --->> biggest mistake<<--- was to go from the "cool, calm and collected" attitude I usually have---and which attracted her in the first place---changing over to "I'm yours" and going to great lengths to make a woman feel loved. That was my biggest fault: doing too much. Every time that happened I got dumped.

ding ding ding. I learnt this the hard way also.

[user3657]

how do i fend of possiable gold diggers......say im a young guy, dont even have a degree yet......and make a decent amount for my age......and im going to make a decent amount in the years to come.

im asking this because ive gone on a few dates with women from work, or from the office complex.......and they always bring up money or if i make good money etc.

i am a young single guy in a good career.....so i have no question in my mind a women will try to use me for money.

[packin_asian]

was wondering if you can help me with my thread?
topic: girl in class is intimidating.. how can i over coem this?
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=111002291

[Amris]

Hey Amris you offer some good advice I hope you can help me though

Basically I met this girl a month before college started and we met up a few times and it was really good..getting to know each other etc. Anyway a week or two before it started she admitted she liked me but didn't want to rush into anything too soon..and it was only a week or two later of hanging out that I admitted I liked her too..perhaps this was a mistake in the "players rules" but whatever its done..im not doing this to play her...

So now its 2 weeks into college and almost 2 months since we first met. We are both still meeting new people which is good and when we are together its really good too inside and outside of college. The only thing is that when we go to clubs she gets clingy but is not as clingy outside..and I mentioned it to her in a conversation and again she said how she didn't want to rush anything because of past events that she experienced..

The problem I really have is getting her to open up..i.e. getting her in that mode just to talk to me about stuff that happened in the past as I feel its holding us back. Some friends are telling me to leave her alone as she's leading me on but its simple to say from the outside..whereas others are telling me to stick with her. I tried the distance approach and she went on about how she didn't want to lose me and finds it hard to say stuff etc. In my heart im willing to put up with her because shes one of the few girls i meet that I think is worth this hassle..but at the same time my mind is telling me not to put all my eggs in one basket. I dont know whether to distance myself or continue hanging out with her as much as we do inside/outside of college..like just going with the flow and being me..

Theres alot of stuff I havent included in this post which are important but if you want to ask me questions go for it. Its just a summary..thanks!

Okay, with due respect, you're in a real hurry.

First off, even a month after meeting her, it's way too soon for you or her to be all that serious. She's being smart by not rushing into things.

Secondly, stop trying to get her to open up. The why of it really doesn't matter. The "exactly what happened" really doesn't matter.

This is my recommendation to you. Balance your heart and your head. See other people, and put a time frame limit on how long she can keep putting off getting more serious with you. Say, 40 days. 40 days from now, if she is still putting you off, then end all ties with her. By that point in time, she's had MORE THAN ENOUGH time to warm up to you and get to know whether or not she's ready to risk some exclusivity. Also, you will have had plenty of time to possibly get to know some other women.

Also, if you have made this decision and you go forward with it, you will look less needy/clingy. You'll be comfortable with the knowledge that "it's fine" if she isn't commiting right now- she's got 40 days.

By small touches do you mean that simple reminders like phone calls, texts, card that let her know that I love her? Is that what you meant?

I mean touching her. Physically. A gentle squeeze of the shoulder. A pat on the behind. An arm around her.

So let me try to understand..safe as in she feels comfortable in the relationship? I'm having a hard time conceptualizing it.

From the world around her. One example, so that she knows that if she needs someone to back her up against her parents' telling her to do something, she knows you would do that. A way to show this is by not caving in to HER, or to others around you. This displays that you have strength of character and will. You having this makes her safer in the world, which shows on a subconscious level that you will be a powerful protector of her children.

What did you mean by this?

Another question..
How does one know if he/she is in love or if the feeling they have IS love?

What I mean is that love is often more of a choice than a feeling. When you wake up face-to-face with someone who stinks of morning breath and is wearing no makeup and is drooling on his or her pillow... you stay anyway. This is genuine love. This kind of love remembers that you love the person and doesn't run off in disgust.

The same kind of love says, "Ah, this woman is better looking than my wife, and she's coming on to me. I could nail her in a heartbeat. But what I have is too precious to play around with that way. So not only won't I have sex with this woman, but I will tell her to leave me alone, so that I don't keep tempting myself."

That's how love is often a choice-- sometimes a choice that goes against our immediate desires, but that sees a larger and more full and complete picture of the grand scheme of life. Infatuation knows only the here and now, its author is lust, not love. It's fleeting, and although it feels good- like adrenaline- it doesn't stand the test of time, because it's not predicated by factors such as compatibility or commitment, it's predicated by lust and mindless emotion.

[Amris]

how do i fend of possiable gold diggers......say im a young guy, dont even have a degree yet......and make a decent amount for my age......and im going to make a decent amount in the years to come.

im asking this because ive gone on a few dates with women from work, or from the office complex.......and they always bring up money or if i make good money etc.

i am a young single guy in a good career.....so i have no question in my mind a women will try to use me for money.

Get to know them before you take them out. And then tell them that you prefer not to discuss money on a first, second, third, or twentieth date if they ask.

The best way to avoid being used in this manner is to expect them to pay for every other date, get to know them well before you discuss money, and to keep in mind your own importance above and beyond money. What you focus on, so will she, even if you never say it straight up. So focus on getting to know her, instead of whether or not she's a gold digger.

Make not talking about money, expecting her to share costs, and getting to know the woman into habits, and let them take care of the gold diggers all by themselves-- because they will.

By making them habit instead of focus, you won't be unintentially sending signals that you're wealthy and wary.

was wondering if you can help me with my thread?
topic: girl in class is intimidating.. how can i over coem this?
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=111002291

Your thread was gone when I tried to read it, but based on the comment here, I'll discuss the problem of being intimidated.

All sense of intimidation comes from within YOU. So what you need to do is focus on your positives, and learn in what way your so-called "flaws" can be learned to be used instead of seen negatively.

For example, I'm a very straight-forward and blunt person. This may be a bad thing... but it has also become the basis for my ability to help other people.

When you learn to rechannel the things you think are flaws, you will gain confidence.

Confidence is the sexiest thing in the world.

[KennyK]

hi Amris

i hope all is well with you

[Gangreen]

Thanks Amris..ill let you know how it goes

[rude boy]

do good-looking girls care about more than good looks and sixpack abs when choosing a guy?

[Amris]

do good-looking girls care about more than good looks and sixpack abs when choosing a guy?

Depends on the girl and what her thoughts are on what's a measure of power in men.

[Amris]

Thanks Amris..ill let you know how it goes

You're welcome, please do.

[BigPoppaPump84]

hi Amris

i hope all is well with you

x2. Reps for life to Amris.

[musclebound2007]

Hey Amris, how do I deal with a stripper (who's about becoming an ex stripper actually), who just took my money last night? I gave her $100 for assistance with some problems that she's having. I have been dating her for a few days, known her for a few weeks now.

She's actually kind of peeved at me, because I have told her that people think she's not good enough for me and that she's using me. She even yelled at me, asking me what the f-ck she is using me for? And that she doesn't want anything from me or need anything from me. And then that's why she doesn't have boyfriends, because bull****s always happening and people just keep hating.

Now she's peeved, and for right reasons. Seems indirectly, I am **** testing her, although I wish I did not have to, but the circumstances just happen to be one in itself. She's telling me to not tell her what they've said (people, friends, as it's not just the forum that has told me this) and that she better not be around my friend (last ex-friend actually was the first to tell me to watch out with this girl), because she can be a real bitch.

So, conclusion; date this girl, is she long term potential? She has 2 kids. One is 7 years old and the other is 9 months old. She's my age, 23. Do the math. She also was in the wrong place at the wrong time, got arrested, needs that $100 to get to Georgia to appear in court so she doesn't go back to jail. I feel bad, because she has yet again, 2 kids! She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, **** like that must suck. She told me last night about the ordeal and although it was a little overwhelming, you can realize that that isn't her and that she just was, as a broken record; in the wrong place at the wrong time!

Run away? Stay together? What? I feel as if I do deserve better, but ****, does this mean that she's lower than me? Dang, I can't even think like that. I am not a overall superficial person, just would like superficial things sometimes (as we all do), and as she's hot, it's justification for that wanting of her. But, then it's like, dang....what am I getting myself into? Is it worth it to react to this girl like; you messed up, so you're lower than scum so this good guy who has everything going for him, should just walk out of your life because you made a bad mistake....

How else can someone change, and become a better individual, if everyone's just taking a piss on them??

Being that I have a bachelors in psychology, I like to rationalize things a lot. Sit back and figure it out, instead of just going for it. So, from a counselor's point of view, I can not be judgmental!

So because of this, I come to you. HELP ME PLEASE!!!

[AlphaMe]

Dear Amris...First off, just wanted to say once again you are the coolest chick alive!

My girlfriend has a problem about opening up. She's very successful in her academic career, but she does not talk about her past. She almost seems robotic in some ways, as she can block out her emotions very well. She claims her life was uneventful, and that she was born a "strong person", but I personally don't buy it.

When I asked her about what events could have shaped that, she said nothing in her life has happened. Is this possible, or does she have a skeleton in her closet?

[user3657]

Hey Amris, how do I deal with a stripper (who's about becoming an ex stripper actually), who just took my money last night? I gave her $100 for assistance with some problems that she's having. I have been dating her for a few days, known her for a few weeks now.

She's actually kind of peeved at me, because I have told her that people think she's not good enough for me and that she's using me. She even yelled at me, asking me what the f-ck she is using me for? And that she doesn't want anything from me or need anything from me. And then that's why she doesn't have boyfriends, because bull****s always happening and people just keep hating.

Now she's peeved, and for right reasons. Seems indirectly, I am **** testing her, although I wish I did not have to, but the circumstances just happen to be one in itself. She's telling me to not tell her what they've said (people, friends, as it's not just the forum that has told me this) and that she better not be around my friend (last ex-friend actually was the first to tell me to watch out with this girl), because she can be a real bitch.

So, conclusion; date this girl, is she long term potential? She has 2 kids. One is 7 years old and the other is 9 months old. She's my age, 23. Do the math. She also was in the wrong place at the wrong time, got arrested, needs that $100 to get to Georgia to appear in court so she doesn't go back to jail. I feel bad, because she has yet again, 2 kids! She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, **** like that must suck. She told me last night about the ordeal and although it was a little overwhelming, you can realize that that isn't her and that she just was, as a broken record; in the wrong place at the wrong time!

Run away? Stay together? What? I feel as if I do deserve better, but ****, does this mean that she's lower than me? Dang, I can't even think like that. I am not a overall superficial person, just would like superficial things sometimes (as we all do), and as she's hot, it's justification for that wanting of her. But, then it's like, dang....what am I getting myself into? Is it worth it to react to this girl like; you messed up, so you're lower than scum so this good guy who has everything going for him, should just walk out of your life because you made a bad mistake....

How else can someone change, and become a better individual, if everyone's just taking a piss on them??

Being that I have a bachelors in psychology, I like to rationalize things a lot. Sit back and figure it out, instead of just going for it. So, from a counselor's point of view, I can not be judgmental!

So because of this, I come to you. HELP ME PLEASE!!!

brah, you already pussy whiped. think about it. you knowned her for a few weeks, and you already giving her money? it doesnt matter what happened...........she screwed up, dont have pitty for her mistakes. if she really did love you, and was a human being, she would come see you as soon as she got back even if you didnt pay her.

[-RiK-]

Amris (and whoever else wants to reply - appreciated, thanks a lot),

i'm having a few problems with my girlfriend atm, but i'll just explain a few things. my girlfriend has her group of friends she hangs around with (only 2 are girls, the other 8-10 are guys, all single and two of them have been with her before). now generally it was a bit annoying that my girlfriend would spend 1on1 time with other guys, but they're friends, i've learned to deal with that, after all i don't want to be controlling. even if it means letting her go camping with all those guys plus two girls and drink/smoke weed and share tents with various guys while wearing hotpants/bikinis. am i being over the top about that? i think i've let it go...

well just a bit of a summary, but here is the situation i'm having problems with. one of these guys from the group sent her a text recently telling her that he loves her and has liked her for ages bla bla. fine, none of my business, i let it go. i find out she's been spending 1on1 time with him and this guy is having all of their group (including my girlfriend) stay at his house for a housewarming when he moves in a few weeks.

i don't want my girlfriend staying round the guys house after hes 'declared' his love for her, am i being unreasonable? it's making me really uncomfortable, i've told my gf many times and she said things like "i'm going to be going, so don't bother getting worked up about it".

now i've given her the choice of going to stay at this guys house and pretty much go against me and how i feel, or be with me. am i being over the top or is that perfectly justifyable? i trust my girlfriend but for sure don't trust these other guys.



thanks for reading, to summarise:
-this other dude likes my girlfriend.
-is a friend of hers but wants to see her as more than a friend, and invited her plus others to stay round his house in a few weeks.
-at this point i'm not happy with this at all, and uncomfortable especially as my girlfriend really wants to go.
-gave her an ultimatum, blunt but i feel should have been said... our relationship, or going against how i strongly feel and sleeping at another guys house.


what i'm thinking and feeling is how any guy would surely... my girlfriend + more than 6 other guys + one person that 'loves' her + alcohol + staying round his house = ....

thanks again, i didn't actually realise how much i wrote, but any input would be very much appreciated.

[musclebound2007]

brah, you already pussy whiped. think about it. you knowned her for a few weeks, and you already giving her money? it doesnt matter what happened...........she screwed up, dont have pitty for her mistakes. if she really did love you, and was a human being, she would come see you as soon as she got back even if you didnt pay her.

Yeah I told her I couldn't give her much, and then we had an argument not about not able to give her much but over the whole giving her thing. And she said she didn't want anything from me and I didn't have to give her anything.

But, I am done with it. I see it has charity lol. I am going on a date with another female this Friday. So I am not upset over it or anything.

[Amris]

Hey Amris, how do I deal with a stripper (who's about becoming an ex stripper actually), who just took my money last night? I gave her $100 for assistance with some problems that she's having. I have been dating her for a few days, known her for a few weeks now.

She's actually kind of peeved at me, because I have told her that people think she's not good enough for me and that she's using me. She even yelled at me, asking me what the f-ck she is using me for? And that she doesn't want anything from me or need anything from me. And then that's why she doesn't have boyfriends, because bull****s always happening and people just keep hating.

Now she's peeved, and for right reasons. Seems indirectly, I am **** testing her, although I wish I did not have to, but the circumstances just happen to be one in itself. She's telling me to not tell her what they've said (people, friends, as it's not just the forum that has told me this) and that she better not be around my friend (last ex-friend actually was the first to tell me to watch out with this girl), because she can be a real bitch.

You're not ****-testing her, you're telling her what you really think of her, just saying that OTHER PEOPLE are "actually" the ones saying it. In other words.. you are being honest with her, just not with yourself.

So, conclusion; date this girl, is she long term potential? She has 2 kids. One is 7 years old and the other is 9 months old. She's my age, 23. Do the math. She also was in the wrong place at the wrong time, got arrested, needs that $100 to get to Georgia to appear in court so she doesn't go back to jail. I feel bad, because she has yet again, 2 kids! She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, **** like that must suck. She told me last night about the ordeal and although it was a little overwhelming, you can realize that that isn't her and that she just was, as a broken record; in the wrong place at the wrong time!

No, she's not. It really doesn't have anything to do with kids, either, although the fact that she has two and didn't learn the first time does say something about her. But really, the bottom line is, you have no respect for her. That makes her "not long term potential."

Run away? Stay together? What? I feel as if I do deserve better, but ****, does this mean that she's lower than me? Dang, I can't even think like that. I am not a overall superficial person, just would like superficial things sometimes (as we all do), and as she's hot, it's justification for that wanting of her. But, then it's like, dang....what am I getting myself into? Is it worth it to react to this girl like; you messed up, so you're lower than scum so this good guy who has everything going for him, should just walk out of your life because you made a bad mistake....

It doesn't have anything to do with what she deserves, it has to do with what you do. Do you think that staying with her, while having zero respect for her, is really all that caring?

How about instead of telling her she messed up, just tell her that you don't feel that you can handle the relationship. Period. You don't have to explain or defend yourself, you have a right to say, "this is not working for me."

How else can someone change, and become a better individual, if everyone's just taking a piss on them??

Not your problem. Trying to fix someone is no help to them, either. Happiness is an inside job.

Being that I have a bachelors in psychology, I like to rationalize things a lot. Sit back and figure it out, instead of just going for it. So, from a counselor's point of view, I can not be judgmental!

So because of this, I come to you. HELP ME PLEASE!!!

You're not her shrink, you're her boyfriend. Don't get the two confused. It's not your place to have a counselor's point of view towards her. SHE IS NOT A CLIENT, she's a GIRLFRIEND.

You'll never have a decent long-term relationship if you mix your counseling together with your relationship. NO ONE likes that in a partner. Psychoanalyzing your partner is simply rude-- and if you just can't help yourself, keep it to yourself.

[Amris]

Dear Amris...First off, just wanted to say once again you are the coolest chick alive!

My girlfriend has a problem about opening up. She's very successful in her academic career, but she does not talk about her past. She almost seems robotic in some ways, as she can block out her emotions very well. She claims her life was uneventful, and that she was born a "strong person", but I personally don't buy it.

When I asked her about what events could have shaped that, she said nothing in her life has happened. Is this possible, or does she have a skeleton in her closet?

She doesn't want to talk about it. So leave it alone. There's no reason why you need to know, either way. Take her as she is. If you can't live with her "robotic sometimes" nature, then move on. You don't need an excuse.

She has the right not to talk about her past, even to a partner. It's HER past, not yours. Make the active choice to take her at her word and don't pry. It's better for your relationship.

You really do have to choose between your burning curiosity and your relationship.

[Amris]

Rik, why are you asking me this question? Is this seriously NOT super obvious?

You want to live your entire life (possibly) with a woman who spends time in tents with other men, who spends time alone with a guy who openly says he has the hots for her, and otherwise generally has zero respect for her relationship?

What was the question again?

Amris (and whoever else wants to reply - appreciated, thanks a lot),

i'm having a few problems with my girlfriend atm, but i'll just explain a few things. my girlfriend has her group of friends she hangs around with (only 2 are girls, the other 8-10 are guys, all single and two of them have been with her before). now generally it was a bit annoying that my girlfriend would spend 1on1 time with other guys, but they're friends, i've learned to deal with that, after all i don't want to be controlling. even if it means letting her go camping with all those guys plus two girls and drink/smoke weed and share tents with various guys while wearing hotpants/bikinis. am i being over the top about that? i think i've let it go...

well just a bit of a summary, but here is the situation i'm having problems with. one of these guys from the group sent her a text recently telling her that he loves her and has liked her for ages bla bla. fine, none of my business, i let it go. i find out she's been spending 1on1 time with him and this guy is having all of their group (including my girlfriend) stay at his house for a housewarming when he moves in a few weeks.

i don't want my girlfriend staying round the guys house after hes 'declared' his love for her, am i being unreasonable? it's making me really uncomfortable, i've told my gf many times and she said things like "i'm going to be going, so don't bother getting worked up about it".

now i've given her the choice of going to stay at this guys house and pretty much go against me and how i feel, or be with me. am i being over the top or is that perfectly justifyable? i trust my girlfriend but for sure don't trust these other guys.



thanks for reading, to summarise:
-this other dude likes my girlfriend.
-is a friend of hers but wants to see her as more than a friend, and invited her plus others to stay round his house in a few weeks.
-at this point i'm not happy with this at all, and uncomfortable especially as my girlfriend really wants to go.
-gave her an ultimatum, blunt but i feel should have been said... our relationship, or going against how i strongly feel and sleeping at another guys house.


what i'm thinking and feeling is how any guy would surely... my girlfriend + more than 6 other guys + one person that 'loves' her + alcohol + staying round his house = ....

thanks again, i didn't actually realise how much i wrote, but any input would be very much appreciated.

[musclebound2007]

You're not ****-testing her, you're telling her what you really think of her, just saying that OTHER PEOPLE are "actually" the ones saying it. In other words.. you are being honest with her, just not with yourself.



No, she's not. It really doesn't have anything to do with kids, either, although the fact that she has two and didn't learn the first time does say something about her. But really, the bottom line is, you have no respect for her. That makes her "not long term potential."



It doesn't have anything to do with what she deserves, it has to do with what you do. Do you think that staying with her, while having zero respect for her, is really all that caring?

How about instead of telling her she messed up, just tell her that you don't feel that you can handle the relationship. Period. You don't have to explain or defend yourself, you have a right to say, "this is not working for me."



Not your problem. Trying to fix someone is no help to them, either. Happiness is an inside job.



You're not her shrink, you're her boyfriend. Don't get the two confused. It's not your place to have a counselor's point of view towards her. SHE IS NOT A CLIENT, she's a GIRLFRIEND.

You'll never have a decent long-term relationship if you mix your counseling together with your relationship. NO ONE likes that in a partner. Psychoanalyzing your partner is simply rude-- and if you just can't help yourself, keep it to yourself.

Dang you are brilliant. Hit the hammer on the nail in all aspects of my predicament. I am trying to distant myself from her, bit by bit. I think she recognizes it, and well, that's that. Thank you again, because you are right, I can't mix my counseling with my relationships. I am not one's father, or counselor, I am suppose to be their lover!

Thanks again. It's hard, but I will try to keep it to myself. I always think people want to be counseled, not realizing I just like to counsel people

[-RiK-]

Rik, why are you asking me this question? Is this seriously NOT super obvious?

You want to live your entire life (possibly) with a woman who spends time in tents with other men, who spends time alone with a guy who openly says he has the hots for her, and otherwise generally has zero respect for her relationship?

What was the question again?

i've only just read this, but we split up yesterday. i really love her, but it's just a shame how things turned out. we would have always had problems, i had to end things sooner rather than later, for both of us.

[Amris]

i've only just read this, but we split up yesterday. i really love her, but it's just a shame how things turned out. we would have always had problems, i had to end things sooner rather than later, for both of us.

I'm glad that you made that choice.

I'm very sorry that it has to hurt so much.

[Amris]

Dang you are brilliant. Hit the hammer on the nail in all aspects of my predicament. I am trying to distant myself from her, bit by bit. I think she recognizes it, and well, that's that. Thank you again, because you are right, I can't mix my counseling with my relationships. I am not one's father, or counselor, I am suppose to be their lover!

Thanks again. It's hard, but I will try to keep it to myself. I always think people want to be counseled, not realizing I just like to counsel people

Really, if you want to be caring towards her, just end it. Let her get on with her life.

If you really don't feel you can do that, then keep withdrawing, but it would be more fair to everyone involved to simply cut her off, as kindly as she'll let you do it.

[-RiK-]

I'm glad that you made that choice.

I'm very sorry that it has to hurt so much.

it sure does, really it does, and it's hurting her. but like i said, rather sooner than later in all honesty, i feel like i made the right choice long term. i just couldn't put up with those problems in my relationship that would never come to an end. thanks a lot again for your input.

[DoubtErased]

it sure does, really it does, and it's hurting her. but like i said, rather sooner than later in all honesty, i feel like i made the right choice long term. i just couldn't put up with those problems in my relationship that would never come to an end. thanks a lot again for your input.

More power to you bro. Any woman who cant respect you in a relationship is a woman that dont need to be with. Best wishes to you

[KingLitti]

So Armis, why did you post this thread?

Do you like giving out advice, or is this only for the good of mankind? just fun perhaps? Whatever the answer,why so?

Is it an ego boost having guys asking for advice, giving it, and. getting compliments on your wisdom?

[trail of dead]

Hi, long time viewer, but first time posting in here. Just got a small question that has been a problem for me lately. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years almost. She goes away to school two hours away. We were together for a year before she left and our relationship has always been very happy.

But one thing that just drives me nuts is when she gives no effort in communicating over the phone. We see each other once a month basically, so I always say talking on the phone is all we have and I try to put effort into it, but she often sounds like she really does not care and rarely wants to know what I'm doing in too much detail. Honestly, it hurts my feeling, cause I care a lot about what she does. Her excuse always is that she doesn't like talking on the phone, but how else will a long distance relationship work then? Is it wrong that I get annoyed and sometimes upset at this? Just need another persons opinion, and my friends are too dumb to ask haha