Need some social advice (serious)

[G T]

I'm in a bit of a strange situation. About 5 years ago some **** went down (I won't go into it) and I had to cut off contact with literally all my friends and basically disappear, many of them were involved.

I was quite shy in school and only ever had a small handful of friends, but afterwards that was improving up until the point when I bascially separated from everyone I ever knew.

A little later I participated in my Dad's business and then started doing my own thing, but in this particular industry there has been nobody to talk to or no workmates I can relate to since most people in this industry are basically 35-60 year old workers who come and go when the job is done, and rarely have the same personality or interests as I do. In my particular business I don't have regular workmates or peers I see every day. Not having attended uni/college or doing any kind of sport this has been the only real interaction I have had with people since I lost my friends, other than very occasionally going out with my brother's friends, who semi know me but aren't really my own crowd.

It pretty much goes without saying that I haven't really had much contact with women over that period either, which is one of the worst things about it.

Said **** that happened 5 years ago has sort of blown over now, but I never really reestablished contact with anyone I used to know, until the other week when I bumped into an old best mate at a restaurant. When I asked him what other friends were up to I realised how much things had changed and how much I have missed out on socially over the last half a decade.

Recently I have decided that enough is enough and I need to start socialising properly again, and build up a network of friends. There are few things that feel better than connecting with other people, and I have had virtually none of that for half a decade.

The problem is that I don't really know where to start, I feel like someone who has been teleported into the future. Everyone has ********, new friends, knows everyone else etc. and I'm stuck in the dark with none of that. How can I establish myself again? Should I try contacting old classmates? Try and make new friends (hard to do from scratch at my age). Anyone who knew me in the past probably knows that I have basically disappeared off the earth for 5 years, would they still accept me?

I would like to start a ******** but I'm not sure where to begin, and I don't know many people closely nowdays, and I'm not sure how it all works. Should I simply try and contact pretty much anyone I ever knew and see how it goes?

Any help or experience from anyone who has been in similar situations would be really appreciated.

Cliffs
-some **** went down 5 years ago, separated from all my friends and disappeared
-focused on business since, no peers, nobody to relate to, no socialising, no women
-decided enough is enough
-where to begin reestablishing social contacts, friends etc?
-******** a good idea? Contact everyone I ever knew?

[leethax]

cliffs:
-op got into some **** 5 years ago (he won't go into it) and had to cut off contact with everyone cept family
-op has been a lone wolf for the past 5 years
-op works in an industry where colleagues come and go, and no one wants to associate with each other
-op has no friends
-op ran into an old mate at a restaurant
-mate filled him in on everything thats happened
-op feels like a loser because he missed out
-op needs somewhere to start, and is trying to establish himself
-he doesnt know what to do (contact class mates, find new friends or whatever)

[toneranger]

cliffs?

[G T]

cliffs?

Hang on I'll edit them in.

[ausurfer]

Talk too one of your old mates that you reckon will be sweet with chilling with you .. He will eventually bring you too an event with other old friends.. Once they see that you are accepted by him then they will also accept you ..

Either that or use the fact you live on the gold coast too your advantage .. A night out on Caville St should line you up with some new mates ..

[leethax]

******** has been an epic fail since i joined it

its all just people doing lame ass **** like quizzes, polls, clubs, and fan pages and stupid shyt, and whiteknights and dumbasses trying to add u

imo you should make new friends

[G T]

cliffs:
-op got into some **** 5 years ago (he won't go into it) and had to cut off contact with everyone cept family
-op has been a lone wolf for the past 5 years
-op works in an industry where colleagues come and go, and no one wants to associate with each other
-op has no friends
-op ran into an old mate at a restaurant
-mate filled him in on everything thats happened
-op feels like a loser because he missed out
-op needs somewhere to start, and is trying to establish himself
-he doesnt know what to do (contact class mates, find new friends or whatever)

Beat me to it and these are better than mine lol, reps.

[G T]

Talk too one of your old mates that you reckon will be sweet with chilling with you .. He will eventually bring you too an event with other old friends.. Once they see that you are accepted by him then they will also accept you ..

Either that or use the fact you live on the gold coast too your advantage .. A night out on Caville St should line you up with some new mates ..

Yeah me and him have been out a couple of times to catch up and I'll probably meet one of my other mates when he comes back from holiday.

Went out ****faced the other night for the first time in ages on my own and had a yarn to random people/girls, which was fun, but nothing really achieved. I get along with people fine, but IMO it's difficult to make actual friends without knowing people already, since I eventually have to reveal the fact that I'm a hermit (although I look fine, I'm clean, dress well etc).

[manletdingo]

Are you getting teabagged so much and regularly that it is affected your enjoyment of public or private land?

[G T]

******** has been an epic fail since i joined it

its all just people doing lame ass **** like quizzes, polls, clubs, and fan pages and stupid shyt, and whiteknights and dumbasses trying to add u

imo you should make new friends

Seems like everyone has it though, almost like a phone directory.

Apparently people don't use MSN either but ******** to IM people.

I can't imagine being without it if I'm supposed to be social, just not sure who to add first up or how it would come accross if I simply appeared out of nowhere.

[gunshow101]

soooo... Were you raped? (srs)

[stevedarsh]

you have beetles to keep you company

[G T]

you have beetles to keep you company

Even insect lords need advice now and then.

[G T]

bump

[Hurleyy]

cliffs on solution:
- 6'3'' 181....get weight up not hate up
- try to meet gym buddies, dont look desperate though
- possibly join a sport that you enjoy (mma, boxing, soccer, etc.)
- stop going on the computer 20 hours a day, actually be active
- run game on women at coffee shops, malls, etc.
- buy nice new clothes, feel confident about yourself

profit

[rattler280]

I would say it depends strongly on what the **** was that went down, when it comes to whether or not you should reconnect with ur old friends.

[iewed]

on a scale of 1-10 how serious was said "****"? was it some sex thing where you tried to rape someones sister? depending on how bad it was your best bet is to contact old friends, they'll probably be glad to talk to you again.

[G T]

Nothing malicious, violent, or perverted. Most people probably wouldn't care, the main thing is that my best option then was to disappear and distance myself from everyone. In other words it's irrelevant to my situation other than the fact that it triggered it.

[G T]

cliffs on solution:
- 6'3'' 181....get weight up not hate up

Stats: 6'5", 1 lbs

j/k

I'm in the process, had a few months off and lost shape a bit

- try to meet gym buddies, dont look desperate though

Got a squat rack at home I don't go to a gym.

- possibly join a sport that you enjoy (mma, boxing, soccer, etc.)

Don't really have the time or interest in most sports. Maybe when I get a bit of a break I can look into that, too busy with work right now to keep a regular sport/activity schedule.

- stop going on the computer 20 hours a day, actually be active

Usually not on computer except at night, very busy with work.

- run game on women at coffee shops, malls, etc.

Potential idea, need a lot of skill and balls for that though. Been talking to strangers a bit more lately though (no Malodrax), but often don't have time to hang around I just buy what I need.

- buy nice new clothes, feel confident about yourself

I'd say I'm reasonably good looking (still trying to improve), I do dress nicely when going out.

I just need to do more of these things, but my main concern is simply rebuilding a social network and getting some friends back, then it will become easier.

[G T]

Right now I guess I'm most curious about ********, I don't really have time for much else. It's convenient to use like a phone. Supposing I went to add people I used to know, would it be considered weird?

[stnicka]

yes make a ******** and yes add ppl you used to know its not wierd

you should just go to bars and **** and meet ppl, combined with reconnecting with ppl you should make some friends

[ndrew3]

nah it's not really that weird to just add people on fb, most people would probably just add you without even thinking

[G T]

Yeah that's what I was curious about. Never used it so I didn't know whether people might think "why is this guy adding me?"

[J.O.N]

Don't make a ********

Trust me you'll only feel even more like a loser

Especially if you have no real friends right now

[Achilles87]

Look up people from school on ******** and add them. After high school people don't give a fuk about the school cliques and all that $hit and you can be cool with people you didn't even really know.

Join a social sports team, they basically use the game as an excuse to go get drunk later.

[G T]

Don't make a ********

Trust me you'll only feel even more like a loser

Especially if you have no real friends right now

There are probably about a dozen or so people I could add who I used to know and a few more I've spoken to but never really knew well, plus some of my brother's friends.

I get along with most people fine, I just don't know what a lot of people would think now. I'm sure a lot of people would be curious - did he go insane, did he disappear, where has he been?

It's not that I don't know people, it's that I'm not really friends with any of them, never really hung out with them or talked to them other than bumping into them somewhere.

Would it be a bad idea to first add my brother and my old mate (who both know my situation) and ask who I should or shouldn't add that they may know/who I sort of know?

[G T]

Join a social sports team, they basically use the game as an excuse to go get drunk later.

What did you have in mind?

Any other groups like this by the way, that do pub crawls etc.? What about the young political groups?

[Captin Kid]

OP go beat the **** outta some kid

make a name for yourself again brah

[Rookie_Mistake]

hey fellow QLDER.

im intrigued as to what the **** happened 5 years ago?

[Achilles87]

What did you have in mind?

Any other groups like this by the way, that do pub crawls etc.? What about the young political groups?

Like indoor cricket/netball/soccer. One half ass training a week and a quick game then hit the piss.

Can't imagine political groups being filled with anyone but nerds but I dunno could be wrong.