SO I've been dating my bf for about a year. Its great. I'm pretty sure he is the one for me. But there is a slight problem, he has trust issues and I can understand why.
I believed that I should be honest right from the start so when he asked me if I ever cheated on anyone I admitted the truth, that I did once ( with a previous bf, about 5 years ago), felt horrible about it, learned my lesson and it never happened again.
Also, when i got together with my current boyfriend, things were not going well with the previous boyfriend, and I realized he was never going to commit me, and I met the current boyfriend. After a few weeks, I decided to break up with the previous, and then immediatley got together with the current. He is afraid I'm going to do the same thing to him. I'm not.
I'm a good, loyal girl who is a great girlfriend when she is commited. I don't know how to get this across to him. How can I prove this to him? He always get paraniod when I'm out and about.
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Results 1 to 30 of 104
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06-05-2008, 10:12 PM #1Registered User
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trust in a relationship (serious)
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06-05-2008, 10:14 PM #2Serious!
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If you've already told him your intentions, there's not much else you can do. He's just going to have to trust you.
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06-05-2008, 10:17 PM #3cutting
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Have you tried sitting him down and saying exactly what you typed? Tell him that and live by it, it may take some time but either he will see you are sincere or it will just be one of those things he's gonna have to deal with. If he can't accept it, it;s his fault but tell him what you just wrote and both of you should feel better.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
Former Marine
10/20/2010 - The Day Germanic Defeated The Internet
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06-05-2008, 10:17 PM #4Registered User
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Well, cheating isn't a matter of # of times. I can't imagine a person who is serious and loves someone who would cheat on them or even consider it.
I think he is right to think this way and if I was dating a girl and she cheated ever I wouldn't even consider continuing. It represents a mindset. It isn't a "mistake", a person who cheats once is a person who is willing to totally breech trust and will very likely do it again if the right circumstances arise.
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06-05-2008, 10:17 PM #5I am THE baller.
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Honestly, it's going to take time. If you think about it, 1 year is not a lot of time. That's pretty early in a young relationship. Once he understands you're the one... he'll get over it. He may not feel as convinced as you are that you're "soulmates", but all you can do is continue being the self proclaimed great girlfriend and he'll get over it. If he asks u questions or gets suspicious about something, you may have to explain yourself without saying, what you don't believe me?
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06-05-2008, 10:19 PM #6Guy from Adelaide
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You cheated when you were 19. Not that i can talk but you were young then. I Would've thought someone older could understand that. I suppose time will make him trust you more than anything else.
Nobody likes an emo.
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06-05-2008, 10:20 PM #7Registered User
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thats the problem, I wasn't in love with the guy I cheated on. I was young and stupid. To make mistakes is human... to learn, is the important part.Originally Posted by CodiMac
I love him and would never ever think of doing it.
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06-05-2008, 10:29 PM #8Registered User
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Oh I didn't read closely. Well I think that's different maybe. If you are younger.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
But with a current partner, if a person ever cheats, even a single time, then that should be the end of it. Because if a man or a woman truly love their partner genuinely then they wouldn't even consider to cheat on them no matter what.
You probably shouldn't have told him, but I guess girls are extra honest. Maybe it's the type of things you do. If you're the type of girl into going out all the time into social situations with lots of people and men and women and such, like a club or something, it's a concern.
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06-05-2008, 10:32 PM #9Ahhhh yes, you lived up to my famous saying:Originally Posted by healthyChick25
"Women are like monkey's, they always have ahold of the next branch before they let go of the one they are holding"
Congratulations.
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06-05-2008, 10:34 PM #10"Talon"
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it's retarded to ask about the past or to answer when asked about the past.
don't ask, don't tell ftwb.s. exercise science, nsca-cscs
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06-05-2008, 10:35 PM #11Nice way of justifying it, typical woman rationalizing. Doesn't matter if you were in love or not, you cut it off BEFORE you cheat on him. I think your current boyfriend is totally right not to trust you. He must be questioning your morals and integrity.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
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06-05-2008, 10:35 PM #12Registered User
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I completely agree with you on this one.Originally Posted by CodiMac
I guess It will just take time. I have tried talking to him, but maybe he just needs to see it for himself.
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06-05-2008, 10:35 PM #13ahoy mateys
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You're into it now, but you cheated once... once it gets stale, you'll cheat again. Once a cheater, always a cheater..
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"Girls, make a line for make-outs! Dudes, make a line for high-fives!"
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06-05-2008, 10:36 PM #14brb bulkin'
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maybe he's been cheated on previously?
i have, and the expression comes to mind: "once a cheater, always a cheater".
how does he know that if as soon as there's a rough patch that you'll find another guy like you did with your last boyfriend (which led to your current boyfriend)? he doesn't, so you ****ed yourself here i'm afraid.
honesty is a bit of a double-edged sword sometimes and you have the history which can **** you over if you're completely honest.
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06-05-2008, 10:38 PM #15Self Aware
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Like someone said, you being honest about cheating on an ex, is going to make him wonder all the time. I mean, cheating is such a taboo that it can easily mess up a relationship, just by a thought. There don't have to be actions, but just the nagging thought can kill a relationship. You can only prove to him, through your actions, and make sure that he never has to contemplate the thought, meaning that you tell him the truth at all times. In time, if he really does sincerely care about you, he'd realize that he's made a mistake to have trust issues. But, I was in a situation like this and it's only through her ability to show me that she's faithful and stuff, made me change my problems when it came to trust.
ready to look like Omarion "http://allthatsfab.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Omarion-e12.jpg"
"It's one thing to be a good person, it's another to be nice. You don't have to be nice, to be good."
- musclebound2007
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06-05-2008, 10:38 PM #16Registered User
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I also agree with this statement. which is exactly why I said I was young and stupid and learned from my mistake. Im a bit older and wiser now. I don't think I should have to pay the price now for a mistake which happened with someone else , and that wouldnt happen again.Originally Posted by Khemist
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06-05-2008, 10:40 PM #17Registered User
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this is not the focus. Im not a cheater. a cheater is someone who cheats mulitple times and never learns.Originally Posted by wimpking
If you've ever taken a psychology class in behaviour modification you'd realize that what a person does 1% of the time is not a predictor of the future, its what the person does on a regular basis. Im very faithful.
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06-05-2008, 10:40 PM #18Talk is cheap. You need to feel the pain to fully understand what it's like. Girls like you make me sick to be honest.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
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06-05-2008, 10:41 PM #19Registered User
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you are right. Its true. it could happen.... in his mind. In my mind, I know it won't. thats the frustrating part.Originally Posted by underfed
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06-05-2008, 10:42 PM #20Registered User
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thanks for that one. I'm sure you are perfect and have never made a mistake in your entire life that hurt someone else in some way.Originally Posted by Khemist
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06-05-2008, 10:43 PM #21Part Animal, Part Machine
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You just have to keep being loyal and faithful.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
I think it's also important to understand that his hangups and trust issues aren't just a product of your past transgressions. If he hasn't experienced picking up a chick, taking her home, only to have her bf call her, and her to make up an elaborate and convincing story regarding her whereabouts, chances are one his friends has.
It is so easy for girls to cheat and they tend to be remarkably good at deception.
It's really hard to completely trust girls in this day and age.
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06-05-2008, 10:44 PM #22Registered User
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You'd never talk like that to someone in person. An internet tough guy and coward!Originally Posted by Khemist
Regardless of the stories. I get a kick out of it.
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06-05-2008, 10:44 PM #23Wow, that's pretty messed up if you believe what you're saying. Speaking of psychology, have you ever considered that you may have created walls to keep from questioning your own morals and values? Avoiding the pain that you may really be a *gasp* cheater.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
Hate to break it to you but if someone cheats at cards or chess or school they are a cheater. When someone cheats on another person whom trusts them, they are a CHEATER. Got it?
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06-05-2008, 10:45 PM #24You wanna bet? It is you who is the coward sir. I recently dumped someone and told her exactly what I thought of her.Originally Posted by CodiMac
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06-05-2008, 10:46 PM #25brb bulkin'
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oh i just thought of another expression:
if a man builds 1000 bridges and sucks one cock... he's not a bridge builder, he's a cocksucker.
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06-05-2008, 10:46 PM #26Registered User
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so you are saying Im going to cheat on him? I think its great you can predict the future. All I know is that I love him and can't ever imagine hurting him that way.Originally Posted by Khemist
when you find the right one, you just know. I just want to make him happy.Last edited by healthyChick25; 06-05-2008 at 10:48 PM.
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06-05-2008, 10:48 PM #27Wow, not too bright are you? Where did I explicitly state you would cheat on him? I didn't. I said you are a cheater as you have cheated in the past.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
Obviously you have selective reading skills and are only taking in what you want to believe. Anyway, good luck I hope things do work out.
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06-05-2008, 10:49 PM #28Registered User
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No but to a person who you don't know. I guarantee you have huge balls on the bb.com forums but offline you wouldn't even consider going up to some random girl and playing that "women are bitchz and I'm a bigtime pua" card. Small dick!Originally Posted by Khemist
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06-05-2008, 10:49 PM #29brb bulkin'
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i'm not trying to beat you down here, but the fact is, since you've cheated in the past there's no proof on this planet that it won't happen again. he knows that, and so do you and there's no way you can guarantee it. it's one of those things, if it happens once it opens up the floodgates of insecurity and potential inability to trust.Originally Posted by healthyChick25
trust can't be earned by saying a magical sentence to him, it'll take time and persistence. if the roles were reversed i'm sure it would take the girl a long time to feel like they trust the guy again. try not to be frustrated with him because it's only natural to feel insecure if you have a good reason for it (the cheating + doubling up on boyfriends while you transitioned to him).
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06-05-2008, 10:51 PM #30Banned
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Everytime A woman cheats ,shell use this line.Theyll talk about "not being perfect" cheating isnt a flaw.......a hairy twat is a flaw.You say you only cheated once and therefore your not a cheater.....if I kill a man but only one, am I then not a murderer.......Originally Posted by healthyChick25
The problem you have is that you admitted the cheating which you shouldnt have done.Always deny it with your future boyfriends.So then what do you do now?Nothing.You have an insecure and jealous boyfriend.Rightfully so?I dunno.But the damage has been done and hell never trust you and hell bring up the cheating thing in every fight you ever have from this point on.
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