Benny's Mindset as he prepared for his last show...

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:37 PM

Here is my 49pg blog as I prepared for my last show. Hopefully the punctuations won't messup as I pull it from my myspace, to microsoft word, to here.... But hopefully it will help you guys feel and understand what it's like to try to compete... Follow along, and get ready to READ because it's a long one!!!

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AS A REMINDER I WILL READ THIS DAILY AND AT THE BOTTOM TRACK MY DAYS HEADING INTO PANAMA (idea stolen from Allan Quadzilla)>>>>
The fun and games are over. Matt and Chris did their part and they were nothing short of amazing. Hemi and Allan are still on the grind with hungry eyes and determined souls. All the rest of you are happily chokin down your McDonald?s and ice creams wondering how we can do what we do...
Now I sit here... in front of my salmon... About to write myself into a freaky frenzy and you?ll read it and wish you were me, or hate me for writing it, or think and feel whatever it is that will occur to you... and I won?t think twice. It won?t matter once. Why? Because it?s freak time... and it?s on lockdown. So don?t take too much offense. Don?t judge me until you truly deep down know me... Take it for what it is. Or frikkin ignore it and move on... It doesn?t matter...
Not caring anymore about what it takes. What I?m about to go through. How many people won?t understand. Coming out of sickness, coming out of fun and games guest posing at the local shows and working with others, coming out of feeling ok about where I placed at Palm Beach... It?s all over. It?s freak time. Enough with the distractions. Enough with the corners being cut here and there. Or rationalizing extra calories when they?re costing lines, placements, trophies and Freak Status... It?s over. It?s freaktime. I?ll eat my soggy cardboard. I?ll eat your dogpoo. I?ll eat the same 4 things for the next 3 wks because I have to. There are no options. There are no excuses. There is no rationality. This is my time. This is freaktime. If you don?t understand then shut your mouth and stay out of my way. No time for side gossip. No time for missed meals. No time for missed workouts. No time at all unless it is freaktime. The party is over until I harden out, lean out, and become the super freak that lays hidden amongst the somewhat freaky genetics I?ve been blessed with. If you thought it was already freaky and gettin freakier... your eyes and minds are about to get served.
You think you know me... you think I am determined at points, and cut corners at others. You think I am a machine. You think I am human. You think I am satisfied. You think I am content. You think I?m the hardest working s.o.b. out there. You think I?m lazy in points. You think I?m never satisfied. You think I don?t quit until I push myself beyond the brink. You think I don?t push myself hard enough. You think. And you keep thinking. None of that exists anymore. You don?t exist anymore. You don?t matter. Only the freak matters. It is freak time. And the freak is me. The freak will be me. I am the freak. I will be the freak. The freak is the only option. Freak status happens when insanity mixes with determination. When rationale goes out the window and all we see is one option. The freak option. That is it. No if?s. No what if?s. No could be?s. No should be?s. No would be?s. JUST THE FREAK.
The declaration has been put here in writing. You can F off while I turn the F (freak) on.... Don?t take it personal. Nothing is personal at this point. Just be there. Encourage. Witness. Watch. Believe. It?s happening. The transformation will be nothing short of amazing and understood by very few while extremely misunderstood by most. But it will happen. It has to happen.
Underestimate me. Over congratulate me. Judge me. Criticize me. Analyze me. Gossip about me. Praise me. Do whatever it is that you do, but realize it doesn?t matter. It is Freak Time. Focus is the word. Freak will be the outcome. For the next few wks for the rest of our lives, only the Freak will exist in this world. My world. The Freak?s world.
When the clouds settle. When the lights turn on. When the placings are announced. When the unveiling of the physiques occurs... The only thing that will be stated or seen... is the Freak. The Nature. The Status. The Outcome. The Result. The Ending. IT IS FREAKTIME. Save your questions. Save your comments. Talk your ****. Praise yourselves. Get out of the F?n way. Move aside. Don?t waste my time. IT IS FREAK TIME. That is all. WITNESS...
Love,
The Future Freakiest Freak in all the Freaks World

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:38 PM

March 25th - 24 days out - Didn?t sleep a wink last night til I passed out on the couch with 2 hrs to go until I was to wakeup again and hit the AM cardio... Just could not rest. Could not shut my mind off. Could not think about anything but how I am going to set forth on this final stretch heading into Panama City. So I just stayed in the living room so I wouldn?t disturb Erica. Still battling the sickness that plagued me last wk, and fighting off the antifatigue of fat burners looking for that deep rest and recovery.... I finally nodded off to sleep. I wokeup just in time to barely make it into work. Therefore on day one of my new mission I already failed myself... as I missed my morning cardio. Work went fine, and I am finally feeling healthy. Hit all my meals. Yes I cutout the oatmeal bars and switched to basic water and oatmeal as my carb source. It isn?t so bad and it will be my bestfriend for 3 meals a day til I become the freak I promised myself above. I decided I will eat my sugars and other delights in May hopefully w/ a frikkin qualifier in my hand. Until then oatmeal and meat. Day 2 of tanning went well as I got all sorts of stressed out when I got home from work and found more bull**** in my mail... I really need life to cooperate with me for the next 3 wks and then it can do its thing.... (sends prayers to the bodybuilding gods above) Destressed in the tanning booth and headed to the gym. Alone. Trained solo tonight as the other guys are either resting for their next shows after the Durant show or they?re training under Jarrod... Either way when it comes down to it, no matter the support or group around you... it is still an individual sport. Today I made it a back day and width was the nemesis/subject of the night. Needing to escape life... I happily spent my time alone talking w/ some people in between sets and then got my hr of cardio in. Hitup the shake and TheStick when I got home. Relaxed w/ Lil e and Lilo a bit and now I?m hitting my salmon before bed listening to the music I?ll be using in Panama.
Benny?s rating for the day: 6.
Highlights: Setting tanning plan w/ the folks at Planet Beach (some sort of different rays and high tech rotation amongst different beds to get my base tan insanely dark in the next two wks). Relaxing w/ Erica. Hitting the meals right. Weight is still up, around 223-226 all day. Fairly dry and vascular today. Foundout some of my pics from Palm Beach were online at Muscular Development so that was pretty cool. And found out Erica?s final project will be the wk before Panama... so she will be able to be w/ me and by my side when I need her the most... Priceless.
Lowlights: BS in the mail. Some work stress. Still sick. Missed AM workout. Legs showing some separation improvement but still lacking.
Goals for tomorrow: All meals perfectly timed and planned. Killing both workouts. Final recovery from sickness. Destressing a bit. Getting a darker base tan. Closing in on a finalized music set/timing for night routine (it most likely will be much more artistic and flowing than the usual zany dancing/wildman stuff... but per the usual I will keep it under wraps until ya go to the show or see the video). Working TheStick for more separation. Going to bed at a decent hr.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:39 PM

March 26th - 23 days out - Slept in a bit more... didn?t get to SLEEP again til way late last night but wokeup somewhat energized as the sickness is finally leaving my body and my mindshift is slowly getting back on track. And by slept in I meant til 5am instead of the usual 440am and this time I got in for my morning workout... the buttblaster/leg separator and then the 50min high incline treadwork.... means I?m back on the grind, looking for the striations and separations to show in my legs. Starting to really feel healthy and really setting up the proper mindset. Work went alright. Definitely less stress... which means more striations. Got in for the 3rd series of my tanning cycle... seems like the girls at Planet Beach have some sort of strategy with all this new fangled tanning technology (rays) to where they are convinced with proper rotation of beds and timing the color will be super dark lil do they know with basic tanning and consistency I tend to get dark anyways... but hey you can never be too dark before stepping on under the lights. Weight was 226 at gym tonight. Hitup some light arm work and then high volume delt work... as well as rotator recovery work hoping to loosen up the delts a bit to help with the lat pose. Getting tighter and vascular... which vascularity is something new for me this yr... legs are even starting to show cross vascularity... so the freak is on its way for sure. Mind isn?t all the way into things yet as still sorta cruising out of recovery from the sickness, however towards the end of the workout certain things set it into motion... not to be arrogant or to put myself above local shows... but somebody asked me if I was getting ready for the Tampa Classic... 1) local shows are no longer an option for me right now... way too focused and national qualifying driven to bother with a local...again not to be arrogant saying I?m better than a local as I?ve never placed higher than 3rd... just saying local is no longer a focus or an option... my aspirations/goals have risen above that... 2) the Classic is way too far off from now and I?ve put my life on hold for a longtime lately and you can only push it so far before the breaking point corrupts you, your life, and your ambitions.... So no... I?m not getting ready for anything around here, the fun time is over. The guest posing was done. Go watch the videos or drive up to Panama City if you want to see me again this yr. Aaahhh... as I said certain things have started to set the mindset right... FREAKTIME.
Panama City. April 19th. I?ll def be there and as things continue to progress the A-game FREAK should definitely be who shows up.... I?m excited to hear that most of the Southern Muscle crew will make the trip. I always appreciate the support and encouragement. I refuse to stress it though. Peeps gotta do what they gotta do. Erica should be clear to go with me, so my ColorGirl (frikkin pro at it now) and main support will be with me.... and as I stated before.... this is technically an individual sport and I?m priming myself to be prepared and on point up there regardless of who is with me... all I?d need is my color to be put on... other than that anybody willing to drive that far I?ll happily thank for the support... but I?m not looking for anybody to do it because they HAVE to. Only because they WANT to.
For me.... I.... ME..... MYSELF.... HAVE to do this. It?s beyond a want, it?s beyond just a show... it?s a must. It?s a here in the now, real deal, way too big, can?t miss it, refuse to miss it, event in my life. Most of you will never understand it... just trust that it has been a wild ride and one heck of an insane chase and for some unexplainable reason... maybe fate, maybe destiny, maybe pure stubborness of one man?s life.... I have to step on stage in Panama. I have to place well. I have to bring it like I?ve never brought it before. AND I WILL.
Things happen in life. If I hadn?t moved to Brandon. If I hadn?t fallen in love with Erica. If I hadn?t reunited with Jarrod. If I hadn?t helped the boys get ready for their shows this yr... I might have been that Tampa local super hero guy who never placed that high and never got serious enough to reach his full potential. Who frikkin knows? I certainly don?t. Right now I?m thankful this fire has been lit. I?m amazed at the different changes I?ve gone through and where my mind is and how OBSESSED and DEVOTED I?ve become.... people thought it was bad before... those who have been around me over the years of competing thought it was real and legit before... All I can say is... until now, until this year... It was never as legit. It was never as hardcore... It never felt like this. It has never been fueled like this. It has never had as much support as this... and yes I?ve always had a fan base of some sorts... this... this is just so different. It isn?t a Ooooh you?re goood support. It isn?t fake. It isn?t a hey he?s doing a show. It?s a few select people and a few side support/role players that continue to help keep me going, help keep the feeling I?ve felt... It?s indescribable. All I know is, it?s on. And the time is now. FREAKTIME is where it?s at.
Benny?s rating for the day: 8.5
Highlights: Sharper mentality and drive. Better sense of well being/health. More striations and vascularity throughout the workout. A leaner and dryer look at 226lbs. A great gf who seems to really support and understand me and what is happening at this point in time and is willing to backseat whatever might happen and what has happened over the past 18wks plus whatever we are heading into...in this crazy obsessed state of mine...
Lowlights: Still a pesky minor cough. Not mentally 100% dialed in completely (getting there, but not fully there again yet). Too much time in gym, still talking a bit much and relaxed a bit much.
Goals for tomorrow: More rest (get to sleep in a bit with different worktime slotted for Thursdays) Hellacious legday at night. Good session in AM. Close a few loans at work to alleviate stress. Impeccable meal and supplement timing. Get into and possibly finish cutting routine music. Start working/finessing posing. Hit the bed at decent enough time to finish recovery from sickness and get on point w/ AM workouts.

March 27th - 22 days out
My eyes are open. I see nothing. My ears are open. I hear nothing. My legs have blood pumping from the last set. I feel nothing. People are around me talking. People are around me working on themselves. They don?t exist. I?m here. But I?m nowhere. It?s another level. People have no idea. If I could take this night into the next 3 wks and the rest of my life?s workouts I would without a shadow of a doubt... It was FREAK STATUS.
As I watched a group of guys gloat and pose in the mirror. Content and smiling... laughing it up and as confident as they were... I smirked to myself. I used to be them. Now, tonight, on this night.... I understood. I knew how they felt, above average looking, better physiques than most, content with the work they?ve put in, whatever they might have accomplished.... And then it struck me... a real feeling came over me. I was in there tonight filled with hate and disgust... Not at anybody or towards anybody... and probably not noticeable to anybody... But a rush a true understanding came over me.... I was in an element. The hate and disgust was directed towards myself, my wasted potential, my lazy moments in my past.... Now I am willing. Now I am driven... willing to do whatever it takes to take it to the next level... go through whatever I have to do... become something/someone unimaginable to most....a FREAK I never knew I was capable nor willing to become... Until recently, until lately... until tonight...
A myriad of cusswords flowed from my mouth tonight. Barely discernable/noticable to those around me, and probably without much reason in their opinion... But it was a mix of what my body was going through and where my mind had been and where it was about to go. Lightning bolts of pain surged through my hamstrings as I ripped rep after rep. Pure disgust flowed through me as well. Disgust in every set I babied out of in my past. Every set I cut short. Every set I could have focused a little more in. Tonight I was into it. Ripping. Shredding. Seeking that unbearable feeling. AND not caring when I reached it. Pushed beyond it. Completed it... then I would reach for TheStick. And as people watched and wondered what the heck the crazy muscle guy was doing with a plastic rolly stick between his legs rubbing fast and furious.... I ripped my legs some more. Pain shot through me. Blood released through my veins. I felt it all. But I didn?t feel it. I had finally reached freak status. It was definitely freak time. I sought more feeling. I sought more separation. I sought more pump. I didn?t baby out of anything. I didn?t go narcissistic and contently pose in the mirror. No, I went massichistic and freakishly driven... I despisingly ripped into myself... hitting more reps, ripping more runs with the stick. Wincing in pain and disgust but smiling contently as I had finally felt the indescribable feeling of being the freak I had always wanted to be.
I?m sure hardly anybody noticed anything other than me being a weirdo with a plastic stick in my hand doing some sort of weird rubdown in between sets... But more importantly I noticed everything. From here on out I will seek that feeling. I will become the freak in the moment. In every minute I?m in those sets... I want to feel that feeling. I want to be that freak. Tonight was insane. Silent to most, and most likely not meaningful to anybody. But it meant everything to me. The only time I felt human was when I peered over in between sets and ripping my legs with the stick and smiled at Erica... she was my roots tonight. For a quick minute I felt human again but then I went straight back to Freak mode...
During my cool down cardio my legs were on fire, and I was in a whole different mindset. Determined to get nasty leg separation. Determined to finally win. Determined to try and outclass and outfreak everybody I stand next to. Determined to do whatever it takes to get things done. Determined to repeat tonight?s training mentality in every training session from here on out.
The freak is here... and it?s time he stays.
Benny?s rating for the day: 10
Highlights: Freakmode. Work was ok. Got more sleep. Better sense of well being. Positive vibes all around. Hit both my workouts well. Long talk w/ Hugo during a run in at the post office today also set my mind right as well. Thank you for the time today Hugo. Erica really taking care of me and really understanding the importance of this all... has been a huge highlight for me. Also was emailed to call the lady with my special posing trunks I ordered a wk or two ago... she was really nice and got some specifics as to what exactly I wanted... should be pretty good to go...cleaner, nicer look, and should be the best cut for my body...
Lowlights: Weird in and out drowsiness later in the day while at work... probably had something to do with the low carb count and different supp timing or something. Also still haven?t put together the music, but ideas are flowing nicely so can?t really consider it too much of a lowlight. Felt like I held more water and was a bit flatter today but that happens sometimes. Not really down on much today... things should be on the up and up and I am driven to keep them that way.
Goals for tomorrow: More separation. Getting the arms freakier. Finding that same freak mindset I had tonight. Finishing the music. Re analyze and also finalize the travel plans and get them set in stone since now it is clear I?m heading up there regardless. Get my FREAK on...

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:46 PM

March 28th - 21 days out
"I?m tired." "I?m tired of dieting." "I?m tired of cardio." "I?m tired of waking up at 5am." "I?m tired of work."
HAHAHAHAHA.... I bet you are. Ya know what I?m tired of? I?m tired of you. I?m tired of losing. I?m tired of distractions. I?m tired of excuses. I?m tired of not being the best. I?m tired of not bringing my A game all the time. I?m tired of everything but THIS MISSION. So keep whining. Keep complaining. Keep making your excuses. Keep slacking. I won?t. I refuse. I?ll keep working. I?ll dig deeper. I?ll struggle. I?ll battle. I?ll practice posing. I?ll watch tape all night. I?ll do whatever you aren?t wanting to do as badly as me or willing to do as much as I am.... because I want it more than you. So give up. Ease up. Slack. I?m going to push harder. I?m going to work even harder. I?m going to suck it up even more.
Everytime I hear something/someone utter a word that I can translate into fuel for my fire.... I eat it alive. Tonight I witnessed and heard a lot of various things while I was experiencing my own hellish/weird nightmare... yet somehow I found the freak in me smiling... and wanting things even more. Considering tonight... this is a very good sign.
Last night I got very little sleep again. I did however succeed in almost finalizing my music. So that is a plus. The leg workout haunted me in my sleep, as I awoke at 420am to mind numbing cramps in my hamstrings and inner legs. I fell out of bed and waddled/dragged myself to the sink to grab more water, take some Aleve, and rub some sportscreme ointment on.... Needless to say, because I found the freak last night in my workout it cost me my AM cardio session as I simply could not move or hydrate enough. Thus, I picked up a few more hrs of sleep and felt a bit refreshed heading into work. Work was stressful as our new merger has us scrambling to find info on long lost customers and trying to collect money they owe... As the day progressed and my carbs dropped off, I found myself in that fading in and out, hellacious temperature rising and falling place I?ve been each afternoon this wk. Luckily I got off work and headed home for a quick minute and then planned to enjoy destressing at Planet Beach. Little did I know the Hydration Station we had planned the day before to help my tan would cost me my feeling of well being yet again. I suppose I am not fully 100 % recovered from my sickness but at 3hrs a night of sleep a clip... it?s kinda hard to get fully recovered and healthy. Needless to say the Hydration Station as they like to call it is really just a dehydration sauna where you cook for 20mins at 118 degrees and it allegedly helps open your pores and helps you relax.... to me I felt like a rotiserrie and it probably was not a good mix with the fat burners.... as when it finished and I headed to tan, I was drenched....albeit looking hella sick/freakish vascular

... but very woozy and nauseous... Yeah I?d say close to a heat stroke/dehydration... Thus I?ll never do that again. It knocked me out. Out of my mindset. Off my game. For what it might help in detoxing/cleansing via sweat, and opening up the pores for the darker tan, it was not worth in dehydration and costing me a night of a good workout. Anyways, that all being said, I took 10 extra mins after the 20 in that hellish tub/vat, and the 8 standing minutes of dizzy intense tanning... to gather myself before driving to the gym.
I quickly tried to rehydrate and get my mind right for what would be an attempt at arms... but things just didn?t feel right so I took more time and talked to a few people before I mustered enough water into my system and enough energy to do some incline work and some lat work. The negative feelings and achiness in my body ironically enough set me into a mindset where I would just get **** done. No matter the cost, I?m still going to work on my weaknesses and accomplish something. Thus a few sets on upper and inner chest and some diff lat pulldowns... crazy sporadic breathing, ice goose bumps while overheating... and I had a nice achy pump to be pleased with even though I was pissed I didn?t get a hard workout in. I then set about a dizzy 50mins of treadmill. Had a good chat with Hemi and was content with my mindset even though my body did not cooperate today. Tomorrow, I will crush it in a lot of ways...
Benny?s rating for the day: 5.
Highlights: In a weird occurence the scale read 231.5 tonight.... and another scale read 229. Can?t complain too much with weight being up considering how bad I was feeling and how dehydrated I felt. Should probably settle into a tighter 225 or so tomorrow I imagine. Tan and vascularity are increasing pretty well as well. And legs are getting a lil deeper. I also was very pleased with as crappy of a day I was having at my intent and purpose in my thoughts and motivations. The old me might have thrown a few sheep to the wind. The new freak in me ate the frikkin sheep, made some cotton sheets to sleep on, flew a kite, and crushed it all! Body aching and uncooperative... yet mind was sharp, willing, and determined.
Lowlights: Missing the AM session. Cramping like a beast upon waking. Drowsiness/dizziness in afternoon. Flat and seemingly holding a lil water, presumably from the tanning. Not killing the weights tonight.
Goals for tomorrow: 3 cardio sessions. One hell of a weight session. Much needed hardcore chilling and relaxation with Lil e and Lilo. Finalizing the music now that it?s cut. More sleep. A relaxing tanning session. Finishing the car and hotel reservation process I started today.

March 29th - 20 days out
Tuning. Finessing. Working. Sweating. Cramping. Driving. Hustling. Preparing. It?s all in the cards. The time is now. Everything is in motion and going well. Day by day my mind firms up a can?t lose attitude. No matter the lack of sleep. No matter how much my body aches. No matter how hungry I get. No matter how dehydrated I get. No matter how miserable I feel... The Game is on. And it?s on right now. I will not be stopped. I won?t back down. I don?t care what else I have to go through, as long as at the end of April 19th I go home the victor. It?s beyond obsession now.
You know it?s pretty bad when your girlfriend tells you the next day that you were doing mandatories and comparisons in your sleep. You know it?s pretty bad when all you can think about is a firm set to the words "Quarter turn to the right" You know it?s bad when every conversation no matter what it?s about turns into a dream or sentence about Panama City. You know it?s pretty bad when every glimpse of a reflection you catch you look for the next line, the next separation, the next vein, the next fiber.
25 yrs. 25yrs of life, of memories, of moments, and it suddenly seems like nothing in comparison to these last 25 days... No matter what happens I will always remember this year. These feelings. This drive. But god-willing, it will all be worth it and come to the outcome I desire.
Today was 3 rounds. After enough sleep for once, I got a good round of cardio in, came back and got a chance to return to a normal life for the first time in about 18wks and took my gf and Lilo to the park to get away. Then we returned home and I was right back into the mode, working on my music. Formulating my routine. Preparing for arms. Preparing for another opportunity to improve.
Caught up with Chris and Dave for the first time since their show. We had to do an improv photo shoot for another opportunity I?m working on (photos in my album sections if you?re interested), but the arm workout still got a decent pump and flow. It was a somewhat relaxed day as it was nice catching up to them and seeing how they felt after their first show. Got the workout in, got some pretty freakish photos taken... fairly pleased with them actually, and can?t wait to see what I look like under the lights in a few wks... finished getting caught up a bit, then was off to get another tanning session in before the 3rd round at the gym... second round of cardio. Finished up my second hr of the day on high incline tread and now sitting here finishing up the blog.
Benny?s rating for the day: 8.5
Highlights: Felt more rested. Caught up with Chris and Dave. Enjoyed quality real life time with Erica and Lilo. Got some decent photos taken. Almost finished my music. Got good news about the rental car for Panama.
Lowlights: Achiness in high shoulders. Trap cramp. Didn?t drink enough water throughout the day. Didn?t completely finish the music.
Goals for tomorrow: Finish up the music. Catch my meals properly even though I?m covering the store for half the day. Celebrate a decent time with the Southern Muscle crew and Mr Quadzilla. Get more rest. Kill legs a bit. Enjoy quality time w/ a fan and Jarrod with an impromptu workout w/ him.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:48 PM

March 30th - 19 days out
The last throw away day. Period. Point blank. No more nonsense. No more BS. Ignore me for the next 3 wks. Leave me alone for the next 3 wks. Don?t take offense for the next 3 wks. Don?t think it?s personal for the next 3 wks. You think I?m joking... Think again. Not trying to be a dickhead though to most it will probably seem that way... the facts are simple... I need to be a self serving, one mission focused, insanely tunnel visioned, selfish/self serving person for the next 3 wks. If you don?t like it, ignore it, don?t worry about it, and address it with me in 3 wks when the show is over and I?m back to normal. I?m dead serious. This is too important, and you?ll probably never understand it anyways... so don?t try, and just know that when it?s over, when it?s all said and done, I will happily give you the time of day, the old happy go lucky, invest all of my time, selflessness that I typically am... JUST DON?T ASK FOR IT OR EXPECT IT UNTIL APRIL 20th!!!
Yes I?m irritated. And yes I?m serious. Please just try to be understanding and supportive. And please don?t take it personal. This is not a you thing. This is not an us thing. This is not a personal thing at all... I am on a mission and I refuse to have distractions from this point forward. Take it for what it is... but don?t take it personal or think it?s a permanent trait.
Today, I woke up tired and achy even after decent rest. I got my morning cardio in but the rest of the day went to all hell. Not taking away from anything or anybody or placing blame anywhere, so don?t take it as that... it just was my red flag so to speak. I can?t allow any more lapses. Anymore distractions. Anymore others before me. Not at this time. Not for 3 wks. Sorry.
I covered the store to help Jarrod and Anneliese get much needed and much deserved time away. No real complaints there. Then I went with the Southern Muscle crew to help Justin tap into his potential and tighten up his workout regiment. Again no real complaints there. However there was some unprofessionalism shown yet again by a certain gym staff and I won?t rant about it here, but let?s just say sometimes you should give away a free dollar or extend a courtesy for many dollars and courtesies that will be extended in your favor in return. Business is business... however there should always be sound reasoning and good judgment involved, and sometimes ya just gotta understand and be nice, so as to keep a good reputation and get people to seek your business rather than turn away from it. So ends my rant. Again nothing personal and I won?t carry it beyond here but a lot of respect was lost today at a certain gym and I won?t carry a grudge but I won?t forget either.
Needless to say between the achiness, the store covering, and the helping others, as well as getting too involved with BS politics, I put myself on a nasty back burner today that I refuse to let happen again. No legs, no tanning, no perfectly timed meals, no second cardio session, too much added stress... IT?S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.
Benny?s rating for the day: 2
Highlights: Ironically enough in all that ranting and such negativity there were a few highlights so it wasn?t a complete wash, but I refuse to let today happen again until the 20th when it?s all said and done. A few highlights were catching up to most of the Southern Muscle crew. Working with Justin and helping him out, If you?re reading this Justin...keep working hard man, you can do anything you set your mind to. I appreciate the fact that myself and Jarrod are some of your biggest inspirations, that means a lot to me, thank you. Hanging with Allan and the crew tonight... After most of the crew left myself and Jarrod stayed around and talked it up. I?ve decided I def need to be around Allan more. He is focused and determined at a young age. Studies the game. Lives the game. Is the game. If he keeps it up... he will be super legit. No BS there.... you haters can **** off. It was a nice reminder to myself to stay on point and not backdown... just talking about some of the different methods and all the different pros was a nice reminder of what it takes to get to the top and become something. Tonight became legit shop talk, no joking around, no side BS, and I forgot for a minute what it was like to eat, sleep, live, and breathe one topic/one goal.... Hard to imagine that actually.... with as focused as I am... but tonight definitely set the mindset back into stone... back to the forefront. And I won?t back down, I won?t lapse. I won?t stray. Other final highlights: put forth my food schedule, and am now entering into a carb rotation which will hopefully set my body into a final fatburning frenzy. Weight was 221 and ran my numbers first time in a while and bodyfat was 5.62... not as good as I would have liked but legs are showing better and better and some of the mm?s went down in the important areas. One final highlight: I finished my music and actually blended it smoother than before. It is not my absolute style (you all know I tend to prefer the wild/pumped and crazy style of posing) I don?t think it will be what people will expect out of me... not based off of all the crazy clips on here... but it should bring a more professional/polished feel when I completely work out all the movements in the routine and present it hopefully on my way to victory that night. We?ll see.
Lowlights: Missed legs. Missed tanning. Missed second session of cardio. Didn?t drink enough water. Didn?t hit all my supps right. Didn?t catch timing on each meal right. Didn?t do much of anything good today.
Goals for tomorrow: Reserve hotel room. Get and stay on point with everything. Keep the mind sharp and focused. No more distractions. Start working out the routine and transitions. Hit the mandatories a few times maybe for an hr or two each day from here on out.
It is on. If ya don?t like it.... Get out of my way and stay away until April 20th.

March 31st - 18 days out
To take it back to my one year as a professional wrestler.... And on the eve following Wrestlemania (probably the first Wrestlemania I?ve missed in about 5-6yrs.... and this one was simply due to oversight/not caring because of focused on my show) As Legend Ric Flair always says.... To be the man, you?ve got to beat the man. This is true in everything. When I was considered a pro wrestler, everyday was a challenge... between all the physical pain, and trying to find time for a real life, a gym life, and an in ring life, as well as travel time to shows... To be the man, you had to beat the man, and that man was always yourself. You had to be willing to beat yourself up. Beat yourself to pieces trying to perform better. Beat your own life to all hell, sacrificing most everything, just to become the MAN.
And now, far removed from that world, I?m still here, in another freakish sub culture world but still a part of the real world.... And to be the man, I?ve got to beat the man. And the man... is still myself. I?ve got to outdrive my mind. I?ve got to stay focused when focus wants to fade. I?ve got to outwill all my urges and old habits. I?ve got to break my mold, again and again, to re-finesse my physique... And it never ends. No matter who I step on next to, the main enemy, the main opponent, the main MAN in this, is myself. And to be the best on that night, the biggest freak, the freakiest of the freaks, I have to be willing to freak myself out, outlast myself, outwill myself, outsmart myself, outwork myself.... I have to beat the man, and become the Freak.
Day one of the carb rotation cycle/plan Jarrod installed last night to fire up my metabolism... ie today a low carb day and it was ok. Tiresome and grueling, but my mind was there. I?m invested in this. I?m determined in this. 430am was not a problem today. I almost did a front flip and was smiling on my way into the gym for my early morning cardio. Buttblasting and quad separating before my hr on the incline tread to some fairly boring sportscenter (not the biggest basketball or hockey fan... but if it?s a few select teams, I?m all about it... mostly just waited for the NFL Draft section and let my mind drift to Panama City per my usual)... not a worry, just a settled focus. I felt rested, I felt alive again, I have my second wind. My time is now. Work went ok. A quiet calmness was about me and I?m starting to notice those around me get a lil uneasy/unsettled/unsure when I?m not the typical laidback chatterbox... but as I?ve said all along, most of you truly don?t know me, and most of you won?t understand what it is I?m doing or going through, so try not to pay much heed/give it much analysis... nothing personal, it just isn?t worth tripping out over... worry about yourselves, I?m going after mine.
Work finally ended and I drove home to find Erica still tired and kinda fighting the sickness I had a wk and a half ago. She?s been through a lot and has been extremely understanding and devoted to me and my crazy mission. Thank you Erica for your love and support. In some ways I can?t wait for this to be over, and hopefully have my qualifier, so I can return to a somewhat normal life and give back to those who gave to me these past 20wks or so. But like I said... 3 more wks, and I?m making damned sure all this sacrifice is worth it...
Tanned it up, relaxed a bit, then met up w/ Chris for some more photos for that sponsorship opportunity before finishing up a decent workout. Felt refreshed and rejuvenated today... The second wind has cometh... and the freak is going to be unleashed....
To be the man, you?ve got to beat the man. As I opened the fridge tonight and saw nothing in there except Allan?s dish for Erica... I smiled to myself, stomach growling... Just had my shake, about to hit my salmon.... leave the good food for all the other people for now... 3 wks to go... My stomach is elsewhere... it will still growl... the hunger is fierce... the fridge might be empty... but the FreakTank is filling up...
Benny?s rating for today: 9
Highlights: Refreshed. Rejuvenated. Focused. Willing. Good cardio sessions. A hard/dense feeling in the gym. Decent photos (I think... battery is still recharging... will post them in a bit)... weight was bizarre again...showed 228 at one time... and 224 at another... not sure what the hell I?ll come in at... don?t really care as long as it?s freakishly diced and produces the victory.
Lowlights: Not enough carbs.... but if it makes progress/change it?s worth it. Still distracted a bit. Willing to talk a bit more than I?d prefer right now. Guess I just can?t be a full on self serving dickhead... oh well.. Mind is also drifting to post-show time a bit too much... gotta get it back to the here and now... nothing is guaranteed, and nothing has been proven/earned yet...
Goals for tomorrow: More rest/sleep. Keep the same refreshed/rejuvenated feeling. Absolutely destroy my back tomorrow. Another shade darker in tan. Focus on the now. Get things harder/deeper/separated more. Freak it up like there?s no human in me.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:49 PM

April 1st - 17 days out
It must?ve been April Fool?s day today... The carb rotation whooped my butt. Between lack of sleep and basically no carbs today... I was all sorts of outta it. But I was still focused. Still aware. Just was exhausted. I?ll be retiring to bed here shortly... Just figured I?d blog it out to let my mind rest a bit.
I just did the math and although it seems/feels like I?ve been dieting for over 6 months... the legit countdown has only been about 14-16wks.... Which for me is hard as I usually just tighten up and focus a bit around the 8 wk mark... That alone tells you just how serious I?ve been this year and what changes I?ve made. While it wasn?t all the way tight at the beginning, just the fact that I?ve "attempted" to diet for that long is grueling, but the rewards in the looks/transformation department has been well worth it. I?ve never been this lean, this hard, this separated.... at such a high weight. Granted it?s always been a nightmare for me to attempt to get down to Light Heavies (below 198) even at those weights I never came in this tight/lean... And the progress is still coming and the weight isn?t just plummeting either. I honestly can?t get a good read on my weight right now, nor do I really care... all I want is more lines, more separation, more tightness, and to take the Heavies in Panama City. Only way I?d not be in the Heavies were if we took strategic measurements to somehow try to win with detail in the super heavies (225lbs and up)With a major carbup on Fri Night if there?s friday night weighins... But honestly I?m not concerned with that either way... and it?s always a gamble to try to play in different games trying to make different weight classes. Trust me, I know because I?ve been there... puking or overdehydrating or investing way too much time on a treadmill in extra suits just trying to get down to lightheavies some years... and it left me unhealthy, softer, or holding water the day of... This year it won?t matter. I?m better prepared, and I?ll be leaner than before and fuller than before... I want to be legit in a competitive class... and I want to come in tight and dry. That is all.
Today, I felt flat and fat as hell. Believe it or not the mind is a crazy thing. No matter what outsiders might say, or who might build you up or tear you down... it is US in our own minds who makes or breaks us. Hopefully we?re fortunate enough to surround ourselves with legit eyeballs and people who won?t just praise us in their words, nor rape us in their mean spirited trash talk. I think to an extent this year I have leveled eyes and mouths around me... Positive, but not overly positive to where I lose my training edge and get cocky.
Believe me, those close to me know the mind games in my head at night. The constant plucking and pulling and over analysis that becomes me in the mirror as I look over my weaknesses and plot a path to destroy them in time to step on stage as a success this year. I?m not satisfied. Not now. Not yet. I admit I?ve never looked this good. But it?s going to take me looking better. It?s going to take more dryness, more fullness, more leanness, more striations... and I?m busting it to get it. Those in the know, know that I was not supposed to be on stage at Palm Beach. It was a tuner, I wasn?t lean enough. I wasn?t where I needed to be... that was the plan though... see what happened there and get really dialed in for Panama. It?s coming... And at times it feels rapid, other times it feels like I?m not progressing at all. But I know.... deep down... the change will be there. I will get there. My legs will catch up to my upper body in leanness and lines... They have to. I won?t let there be a problem this time on stage.
All this negativity, yet all this determination... Yes, you?ve entered the mind of a freak. It is a complete mind**** preparing for a show. The good comes, and then the bad comes, and ya gotta stay neutral. You got to stay the course. You?ve got to believe in the strategy and trust it... with time, the transformation will turn. This gets harder with the number of sacrifices and wks of your life that keep piling on all concentrated on one effort. Is it worth it? Why do you do it? What?s the point? You look better than those around you. Why do you keep pushing yourself to the limits? Isn?t enough enough? When will your life resume?
All of these thoughts and questions... Keep pumping... yet in the back, deep down, etchings of your brain and soul... there burns just one thing... You haven?t won yet. You haven?t accomplished anything in your "illustrious" bodybuilding career. You can do better. You can look better. You can be bigger than this. You can be better than this. You can freak them all out. You can. You can. You can. But you haven?t. You haven?t. You haven?t. Not yet. Is April 19th the day? Who will show up? How tight are you going to be? What will the judges think? Will your timing be perfect? Will you come in flat? Will you spill over?
My answer.... YES. YES TO EVERYTHING. Yes this is insane. Yes it has been too long. Yes I look good. Yes I can look better. Yes I know all sorts of things can happen. Yes I?m tired. Yes I am pushing it to the limits. Yes I feel I have a good shot at winning this thing. Yes I want my qualifier. Yes I want my life back. Yes I want those 6 pizzas for breakfast lunch dinner and snacks in between... But has any of it happened yet? NO!
And so the show must go on. The dig must get deeper. The drive must be driven harder. The sacrifices must continue. Life must stay on pause until judgment day. The brink is now. The brink is tomorrow. The edge is always around. We?re always teetering. We?re always peering across. We?re always pushing the limits. We will not break. We will not fail. We will not fall. Until we get there. Destination unknown. Destination desired.... yet so unknown.
I am here. I am alive. I am awake. I am aware. Insanely, acutely, overly aware to the leaps and bounds... the impact of it all. On my peers, on my loved ones, on those around me... I know what?s going on. I know things have changed. They will keep on until it?s over. You?re with me or you aren?t. You support me or you don?t. 98% of you will have no clue about what is going on within me... but you?ll be there, you?ll have some feelings, you?ll have some say, you?ll think something, you?ll experience something. And my goal? Is to 100% bring it with all I have... That is it. Not for you. Not for the judges. But for me... for that lil voice in the back of my head saying "You haven?t done anything yet, sure you?ve succeeded for the most part in life, but what else can ya show me? How far can you go? What are you willing to do? CAN YOU DO IT?"
I want this. This is me for the next 3 wks... Accept it. Support it. Encourage it. Life ain?t easy, and this is no cake walk. Extreme is the game. And Freak is the name.
Still fine tuning. Still tweaking. Still setting forth a crazy workman?s ethic. April 19th can?t get here soon enough.... But hopefully not too soon to where my finished product/goal isn?t complete.
Benny?s rating for the day: 6.5
Highlights: Double cardio. CHECK. Insane back blowout. CHECK. Hotel Reservations. CHECK. Darker. CHECK. All in all, a decent day. Fighting some sort of fatigue, but mindset is still driven and hungry for success.
Lowlights: Feeling flat and fat from depletion. Nasty fatigue. All sorts of hate towards those in my way of my mission.... ie distractions... the attention deficit disorder kid on treadmill next to me, the fatass hauling ass in front of me, the skinny kids with bad form thinking they?re buff and legit... All sorts of hate/annoyance today... But the freak was out, in rare form... determined... so if this is a lowlight... I guess it only is in the fact that it?s so different from my usual laidback nonchalant attitude towards those around me. LOWLIGHT = Anything and anybody in my way of Freak Status and accomplishing what I am set out to do or those not in understanding of what I am setting out to do. If you don?t know what I?m going through, or don?t have any earthly idea of the sacrifices we make or how much hard work it takes to excel at this, then YOU ARE A LOWLIGHT for me right now. Sorry, nothing personal. Just a fact of the matter right now. Focused on one thing, so try to understand it, and if ya don?t... get the F out of my way, until April 20th when I return back to normal.
Goals for tomorrow: Get my hookup on the rental car finalized. Terrorize my body in the gym no matter what it?s feeling like. Tighten down the hatches even further on all distractions. More rest. More lines. More separation. More freakishness.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:50 PM

Wednesday April 2nd and Thursday April 3rd - 16 and 15 days out....

Late last night the server was down. Go figure it fit my mindset and my mood. So I didn?t get to blog it out. Therefore this entry will serve double time and double purpose.
Wednesday I was feelin it, down and out... drained... Body needed rest. Mind wants to give in but I?m not willing to let it give up. The achiness won?t seem to go away, has to be due to the extremely low estrogen levels and dryness in the body... Lord let me mention major lack of sleep as well. Needless to say, for maybe the 3rd time in about 14wks I accidentally.... and I?ll say it happily/unhappily slept through my alarm. Happy to get more rest. Unhappy because not wanting to miss a cardio session that could be a difference in striations and lines. Either way for the sake of sanity and whatever might be left of my overall health (aah isn?t ironic how the healthier and better we look it?s due to us pushing our bodies in a rather extreme way that can be unhealthy if done for too long?) either way the sleep helped me a bit. Overall function levels are down. Whatever I am going through and how I?m getting through it... at this point is sheer will. The road has been long, and tiring, and it?s only getting harder... but I?m not quitting. I?m not giving up. I?m unwilling to give in. I?ve come too far, I?ve sacrificed so much, the expenses in all facets of life have been enormous.... So I push on... 3 wks left so setup possibly one of the biggest moments in my life. Yeah... I?ll take that trade.... here?s my Mickey Mantle for your ****ing Joe Girardi.... Why? Because your Girardi is my obsession. For you non baseball and non analytical people... that?s a high value card (ie the Mantle = ie my life) for a low value common card (ie the Girardi = ie just a bodybuilding show)...

Why sacrifice so much time, money, energy, and health for so little??? No prize money. Just a basic trophy. A shot to get into specific shows for 2 yrs... just to earn a shot at a pro card.... Crazy right??? Yeah. That?s me. That?s a select few. That?s me and a few freaks around me. The Jarrod?s. The Matt?s. The Allan?s. The Chris?s. The Hemi?s of this world... We bust our butts and give up so much for what you outsiders will never understand, you?ll never see the value... You just plain won?t get it... But we do. We will. And we?ll continue to march on...

If you?re wanting the old Ben back, believe me with time parts of him will return. Hopefully some of the freakishness will stick around after the show because I?ve busted my ass to get this far... But if you?re offended when I?m in a dead stare, if you?re offended I won?t dispense tons of hours of talk/advice, if you?re offended I don?t reply to your every gesture.... Please just get off of me for the next 3 wks. Leave me alone. Give me space. It isn?t about you. I haven?t truly changed... I just want this. I need this. And I have to stay focused. I have to not be distracted. I have to be on point. I am on a mission. YOU are not a priority for me right now. Winning is. If I win, when I win... believe me, I?ll probably very happily return to somewhat normal for a while and really focus on those around me... but until then... stay calm, stay neutral, and stay out of my way.

You guys think I?m crazy. The one person who understands me the most besides myself is Erica... and she said it best... "The sad part is, you truly get more joy out of helping others win, and helping others reach their goals, than you do when you accomplish your own goals..." Yes people that is true. I was more estactic for Chris and his insane accomplishment this year, and more focused ..ing Matt and looking forward to his undeniable quest to destroy everybody at the next show, and to eventually help the focus shift and let Jarrod get ready for his show, and the Allan?s and Hemi?s who are so driven and determined to do good... and the countless others who come up to me with comments and questions here and there... I WAS MORE ESTACTIC AND WILLING AND INTERESTED IN THOSE AROUND ME... until I realized at some point... I needed to take care of myself. My one quest. My one chase. My one mission. I need to get this chip off my shoulder. I need to put the loser talk, the third places aside... the BBing demons have haunted me since I started.... PLing is a joke... it?s no thrill, it?s too easy.... adrenaline rush yes, as challenging.... NO. Therefore... the focus has to be on me. It has to be within me. I must retire these demons. I must succeed in this quest. I need a victory under the lights. I need to shut up all my naysayers. I need to fulfill a part of my potential. I NEED THIS. Therefore the time is now. It is my time. Understand and support the way I would for you under more normal circumstances. It is an individual sport at the end of the day... and I?ll do it on my own if I have to... and sometimes life forces us to have to fly solo... But again, just understand, try to...

All of that being said... my eyes have really opened a ton this whole time... I?m always self aware, but I?m even more aware of the select few around me... Something changed within my relationship when I changed. Erica and I just understand each other. We Just Know. She gets it. She didn?t before, she does now. And I wouldn?t trade her for the world. Color issues... fixed. Up and down moodiness due to nutrition timing and lack of sleep... she takes so less personal. The life sacrifices I am making... she knows it isn?t about us right now, and she?s ok with it. I couldn?t be more thankful for her right now. In my moments of crazy discouragement at night... she is there to listen to me rant, or there to help critique and rebuild... Going through this same thing last year... we didn?t have a prayer... this year, we don?t need extra prayers... besides our thankful ones, and all of the blessings we?ve been granted. She is there for me. She is sacrificing what I am sacrificing. She might not be putting in all the gym time, or be obsessed with it as much as me, but she is deeply involved in it...invested in me... And I can?t express how much value she holds in my life right now. Thank you Erica. For everything. I?m glad we?ve developed so far along and so fast. Day in and day out in this hell I?ve placed us in... you?ve proven what you promised me a long time ago, and I thank you. 3 wks and hopefully a victory later... we?ll never be stronger, and we?ll have gone through some of the worst things and we?ll have survived it all... And all the while, our comfort and knowledge of each other has grown so much. Thank you. I love you.

Alright... like I said... I?m blogging it all out. Training on Wednesday was alright. Just tapped into the shoulders and arms a bit and hitup some cardio. Afterwards I hit a funk. I got nasty into myself. I sat in my truck. Depressed. Questioning why I do what I do. In my experience... the closing times before a show have led to all sorts of head games... it?s only now, this year that I?m locked in and unwilling to be broken. My too fats, my failures, my doubts... my endless questions of myself.... while I sat there alone in a daze.... all shifted.... back to the mission at hand. **** IT ALL.... I will conquer it. I will do this for 3 more wks... I don?t care... I am a freak. I will not fail. And so I shook it off, drove home, and talked with Erica about it all.... And again, she was my rock... and we had the mindset quickly shifted back to positives.... For those of you who think this is easy, and think people like myself or Jarrod are too cocky or confident in what we do... trust that we go through exactly what you go through in our own little ways... and with time, and work, and understanding... you?ll be able to lock it down, and stay focused on the task at hand... I know I?ve helped a few of you with this aspect of the game already... but I?m also fairly sure until now you hadn?t realized I go through it myself as well... brothers of the game... we?re different, but in aspects we are the same. So remember.... the head game is also a main component... not just the diet and training... believe me... friends around me and my shows for the past 3-4 yrs can testify to the drastic change in my mentality and focus this yr... and they can attest to what it has done for my physique... so be patient... learn from every experience...and overcome your weaknesses.

Overall summary for Wednesday: Pretty negative. Missed a lot of sleep again. Felt more drained. Missed the AM session. I?d consider it one of those mindset and mind test days... 2wks out and all hell can break loose... gotta tighten up, and refocus.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:52 PM

THURSDAY....
Nasty... nasty.... nasty fatigue. Strategically I?d say I knew what I was in for and planned it out pretty well. Decided to switch things up and knock out my legs in the AM as I knew work was going to be stressful and I?d probably be too tired after the longer time set and later workout time to really thrash my legs... which as most people know have been my setback for years... Sizewise they?re there... conditioning and separation.... they?re coming..... Anyways, Thursday is my 10-7 day at work... so I get to sleep in a bit and also drop more time at the gym if I hit the AM session... thus, that?s what I did. At this time I?d like to take a timeout and just let you jabroni?s know that some of us have a 40hr a wk job and while we?d all argue bodybuilding is a 24/7 job.... never question the effects a real job might have on your training. Doubt this? Refer back to my 2007 last place finish at Tampa.... That?s what work does.... 45hrs a wk, with nasty workday times ie 730am to 930pm and most gyms close at 10-11... Not saying it as an excuse... but for the life of me I wish people would understand what it?s like trying to prepare for a show and also take care of paying the bills and simply not coasting at work... Just like the gym...if I show up... I gotta bring it... can?t just glide through a 830-530 salaried job and not expect any consequences if I fail to perform... so for those of you who think because I am in the gym so much it must be my job and my life.... think again... Finance rep/loans is what pays my bills. BBing is what costs me my life and money... So you figure out to an extent which I have to take care of as a priority....

That being said, I?m not letting either take a backseat. It?d be easier on my training if I was an Assistant and Personal Trainer at Bally?s again.... but it wouldn?t be easier on my LIFE... questioning how to pay your bills is a lot harder to answer than questioning yourself on how you can place higher on stage. So anyways... yeah BBing is a 24/7 job... believe me my coworkers think I?m weird... but it?s my 40hr job that allows me to even try to be competitive in BBing.... Life love and lifting.... they all have to go together.

While finishing up this rant... if one more of you even dare to ask me "Hey man why don?t ya just go pro?" or "Why don?t ya just get a sponsor?".... frikkin use your brain. As of right now, us hardcore folk can probably at best only name maybe 20-50 BBers in the world who are famous enough/professional enough to earn a living with this.... Obviously to those not in the know... IT MUST BE EASY TO GET SPONSORED OR GO PRO..... wrong and wrong. Most who have established their name in the sport, don?t do so until after age 30... and thats after years and many shows invested on an amateur circuit (ie the NPC)... So of the thousands and thousands, and millions and millions.... of BBers you see on messageboards and whatever else... and all the good physiques you see out there... What the hell makes you think we can just step on stage, earn money, or earn a sponsor.... when and whereever we want??? A PRO IS A PRO. AND THERE ARENT MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN MAKE IT AS A PRO. plain and simple. Many of you ooh and aah my physique... I am 25 yrs old, muscle maturity wise I am ahead of most... but I am nowhere near pro status or pro level.... I am on a quest to get my first ever first place, granted it hopefully will happen at a National Qualifier show... but think about it... IT WOULD BE MY FIRST first PLACE. SO you guys figure that one out and shut your mouths about how easy it should be or why don?t I just give up my base salary and real job and "just go pro, or get a sponsor".... Another note on that, most sponsorships you do get offered are usually temporary, and usually in barter... ie more exposure or a brief stint of supps/clothes... to where at the end of the day it equals quasi fame and you?re still dishing out a lot of personal time and money out of pocket trying to establish yourself/establish a name.... I personally know a few guys who have earned their pro cards and in a years time drop more money than they did as a straight up amateur... simply because they are on "their quest" and still have not successfully found a sponsor willing to pick up their expenses and show costs.... Nor do their sponsors pan out got long periods of time or money.... So yeah people... it?s that easy. NOT.

On that fabulous note, I am excited to claim to be in talks w/ a supp company Jarrod pushed me to... as I stated above it will pretty much be a service/barter agreement... as most deals are at this level... Tons of supps and clothes, hopefully tons of exposure... but at the end of the day, it?s still on me to make a name for myself. Thanks guys for your support on this endeavor and I do hope it opens up bigger doors for myself and maybe others. Thanks Jarrod for the opportunity... we?ll see where it goes and where it takes me to.... I definitely am pumped about it and look forward to a hopefully long future with the company.

Anyways... back to my training blog.... absolutely killed a high rep quad day today. Brought the stick in this morning as well.... and nausea was set in as the lactic acd was crashed out.... either way my quest for separation was on point, and my quads cramped throughout my day at work... Got my nighttime cardio in. Got some adrenaline flowing while watching Brandon (best of luck to this Southern Muscle sponsored fighter from right here in Brandon FL) on Ultimate Fighter on wed... and some Dance Crew tonight... so the TV def helped me get my hrs in. Weird watching fighting one night and dancing the next, but hey that?s me, that?s who I am... and both of those are mind numbing in how much work they require as well... Very appreciative and supportive of both Full Contact fighting and either choreographed group dance or Hip Hop dance.... anyways it def helped get my mind back on point and made me realize what sacrifices others are willing to go through to succeed.
Tonight equals changes.... very negative mindset the past few days... at least in phases. I lost my edge a bit and also prob to most came off as a lil extra cranky... rest assured I am... when I know how many days out from my show it is, but I hardly know what day of the wk it is.... Either way... I?m on a mission. I will talk less. I will BS with people less. I will be less distracted. I will get my time in. I will work harder. I will succeed.

I am also changing my strategies in a few things. I?m dumping my original music idea... at least in my head for now... as I have a more ME thing in mind.... we?ll see what changes I?ll make and what I come up with... but I hope to really bring it... both in concept and professionalism. And no, I don?t think the crowd will be prepared for it, nor do i think they will be disappointed by it. Should be fun, and hopefully more a ME thing and more polished as my days progress.
I also am canning the 5am cardio. In favor of the 630-645.... this will provide me one extra hr added to my continuous sleep and also hopefully help my overall condiitioning and rest. I dont need to be in there for Chris or Matt anymore before they head off to school... now is my time... and the extra/post training sleep should provide me wonders as I tighten up. So forgive me for my distance on things... just know that I am on a mission and will do what I gotta do.

Anyways, harder, straight edged, no nonsense, style from me in all aspects... Forgive me if ya don?t like it.... but it has to be. Game on. Goodnight everybody.

HIGHLIGHTS: seeing Erica?s true value in my life more and more. proper mindset here and there... continuing to lock this down. tanning is going well. posing routine/music is getting overhauled this wkend. New trunks came in and they?re perfect in cut for me. Also locked in my 4 day stay up there in panama city. looking for my co-worker?s bro to hook me up on rental car... so everything should be on point now. Also the talk with the supp company went really well... hope to work with them soon... Also got a few diff DVDs on the way that should be highly informative and motivating... i?ll prob watch them in my down time in the hotel up there. ALLAN I NEED YOUR COPIES OF THOSE OTHERS BRO!

LOWLIGHTS: it has been a long process. mentality up and down. lack of sleep for 15 wks. work has been overwhelming. overstressing lately. loosened up and lost focus too much this wk...

GOALS FOR TOMORROW:
Lock up the car deal. Redo/Revamp/Finalize posing music. Hit training and nutrition perfect. GET MORE SLEEP/REST. Tan again. Kill it all in a positive way in life, love, and lifting. FREAK TIME!

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:52 PM

Friday April 4th... 14 days to go til...

Ups and downs. That?s what the game is all about now. Weight fluctuations, carb rotations, energy levels throughout the day, mindsets.... it?s all a wicked roller coaster.
This year, this time... there is a constant through it all... DESIRE. I?ve never been this hungry. I?ve never wanted anything my life as much as I want this. I?ve seen others really get after things they want... some succeed, and are done after that, others fail, and dig deeper... and still others fail and are done... Those who dig deeper, will get better, as they?ve now faced adversity... they?ve admitted their faults, they?ve acknowledged their weaknesses, and they now strive to defeat them all...
This is me. This is my burden. My cross to bear. In the game where we strive to reach failure to reach perfection, ironic that people most admire our bodies on those nights... when really it is our minds that got us there. Whether we work with a guru, or a buddy, or anybody who alleviates the wealth of knowledge bank for us... it is still our minds that do battle. Will I cheat? Will I wakeup and defeat my body today so it can adapt for tomorrow? Why am I investing so much just for a sculptured trophy? When can I eat pizza again? Just how fat am I? How much more do I have to lose? Will I come in tight? Oh people, you non freaky people, you non obsessive people... you just don?t know the science, the knowledge, the willpower it takes.... to step on stage and succeed. Any jabroni can throw a speedo on and wiggle their ass... but who can challenge their bodies so much to have hardly any fat or water on them while maintaining enough mass and proportioning... and then prominently display it??? Few are willing. Even fewer achieve great success....
As Bubba Sparxx raps about... he didn?t choose rhyming, rhyming chose him. I didn?t choose this obsession... this year it fell on me, and I chose to embrace it....
2 wks to go and the ups and downs are running their course... today, I tightened down even further... and will continue to do so until the results are there....
My rests, my breaks, my lapses... they?re over. I will get more rest at night for recovery. I will get more lines. I will get more separation. I will not dwell in the negatives or doubts... I will face this train heading into the tunnell full speed ahead.... and I will crush it in its wake....
Low carbs today had me in and out of a dizzy lull so much so that all I could do was cardio today. That?s fine... my arms had been tapped a few miscellaneous times this wk... and as ****ty as I felt tonight... I felt a sense of resurgence, the pit crew refueling the tanks... ready for those last laps, that final leg... My mind is resharpening.... and my body is feeling like it?s about to cooperate for the final freakish burst.... It doesn?t have a choice... my body will now follow my mind... and my mind won?t stray... it is deadset on locking in and getting a win.
Benny?s rating for the day: 7
Lowlights: All sorts of wooziness and achiness at an unexpected time... right before my workout.... no real weight session, no early cardio, not up to snuff on the physical side today.
Highlights: Tighter, vascular, fuller... and somehow for the daily highs I was 229 and 231 on two diff scales.... My mind is going to get me there. I won?t back down. My boys are throwing me in the cage but they?re yelling so loud.... I can?t be defeated. My gf, her mom, and even others not really in on the scene somehow showed up today in a great supportive fashion... I?m flying solo, but I?m not, those around me... even when they?re not... I can feel them, I can feel their presence their support... I can feel everything. Thank you guys for everything. Erica, Jrod, Anneliese, Allan, Chris, Matt, Dave, Andrew, Mario, JP, Farner, and the list goes on and on... Thank you guys... It?s going to get harder and the support is much appreciated in my hard times. The game is on. My mind is sharpening. The body will continue to follow suit... The Freak is coming... This time, this year... It is war like never before.
Goals for tomorrow: Sharpen. Finesse. Perfect timing. Perfect mindset. Perfect workout. Revamp/restructure the music... Cardio and weights... 3 times. Hit my 6-8 meals perfectly. Tan. Rest appropriately. Refuel the mind and tanks a bit further for this final stretch....
Freak time.... HE?S COMING.
April 5th - 13 days away from the judgment day....
Where to start? Weight is up. Also holding water. Determination is up. Also body aching. Motivation is up. So are doubts. Drawing closer and closer to the final judgment and conclusion to this many month madness... but that makes everything much more crucial.
Wokeup this morning after finding myself asleep out here at the computer. All I remember was reviewing my routine music and trying to finish it up, and watching tons of Kai Green routines and reviewing clips from the Arnold Classic and all competitors routines a few times. Other than that was kinda startled to be waking up in the seated position out here early in the morning yet again... I?m not staying up because I choose to... I simply can?t shut my mind off and I can?t get tired enough even though I?m insanely tired. I?m on a mission to stop this madness over the next two wks... insomnia is the devil and I?m about to kill him.
One session of cardio yet again today. This trend has to stop. Arms were killed. But was again pretty badly dehydrated today no matter how much I drank. And right back achiness/knot was in high gear today... tried stretching it all day and to no avail. The dehydration was not fun and led to the first achy knees and ankles on the treadmill in this whole 14-18 or whatever hell wk number this process is going on. I?m tired of this ****. Talk talk talk... past few days I have not been able to walk walk walk. Today didn?t help. Another day passes by and I failed to execute the way I wanted to.
Stopped by the store today to get w/ Jarrod and make adjustments. Weight was up around 228-229. Ran numbers and thankfully a few pinches went down.. unfortunately for me my legs didnt move much. Jarrod kept me up though as I?ve been beating myself down... so thanks man. Allan was around so I took the chance to get some progress photos taken as well... Got home tonight and was pissed when I reviewed them. The achy back/right shoulder continues to mess with my lat spreads as one time its loose and flying high which makes the other side look asymmetrical or its too tight I can?t even spread it out. Will be seeing Mario?s mom tomorrow for a massage, and will coordinate a few of them this wk so I can work out the kinks and loosen up so I can tighten up my posing. Which somehow I?ve lost the knack for as well... still not sitting hard enough, still not spreading wide enough, and my vaccuum control from a few yrs ago has seemingly gone to the wayside this year... None too pleased with what I saw of myself today and I am now going to adjust my schedule accordingly to pose more...stretch more... work the Stick a bit more just this wk to not throw anything off in the final wk... and also get massaged out so as to bring a more complete and polished package to Panama.
Vascularity was up as I was playing with a joint healing vasodilator product. Was holding water presumably from the tanning as of late, and also I?m sure the lower water intake and dehydration issues... Again way more mental notes and promises to myself made today... And I gotta get on point and not miss them, and not fail myself.
I appreciate the support from those in the talks of moving their schedules around and trying to figure out a plan to make the long trip up there. It is a much appreciated gesture from you all, but again just make sure you?re doing it cause ya WANT to, not because you feel like you HAVE to. And I?m def not going to hold it against anybody who can?t go or doesn?t want to go... as I said at this point it?s a me thing. I gotta go. I gotta do this. Outcome will hopefully be positive but in the end it?s one of those necessaries in a life that has to have its story unfold... otherwise it?d be regrettable...
Alright well I?m retiring to bed. Good news is I was all sorts of pumped as I finalized my routine music again. It will be different. It will be solid. And hopefully it will bring more of a professional feel than my typical fun and gun style. Gonna shift my visual focus and night routine to DVDs/Movies/Clips of BBing stuff... so that will hopefully help me as really the only thing on TV is the NCAAs and baseball... and I dont really care anyways... but I?m going to make a point of sticking to BBing stuff only for the next two wks... Highlights of what I?ll be watching besides the stuff on YouTube...
Bob Cicherillo - 10 wks out from his 2006 Masters
Silvio Samuel - working the unorthodox stylings of Milos Sarcev
Victor Martinez - Mass Attack program for the 05 Olympia
Chris Cormier - Real Deal gettin ready for 2004
Tommy Thorvildson - 2004 IFBB European
Mike Morris - Tuning up for the 05 Ironman
Yeahhhhh basically a whole bunch of guys getting ready for their different shows... Imagine that???
Goals - More posing. More rest. No missed workouts. No other social BS. More study and focus on the game. More water. More sleep.
I will be enlisting myself into a calmer quieter approach in efforts to relax and destress more. A calm confidence is the outcome I?m seeking. As this past wk has just been a highly annoyed, over agitated, angry at thyself and my shortcomings wk... and it just didn?t produce for me. Yes you crazys... I AM HIGHLY SELF AWARE and WILL MAKE ADJUSTMENTS ACCORDINGLY. Weight was up and mm pinches were down.. fantastic... but nothing this wk was as good as it could have been... I will make the change and bring it better. Thats a self promise for myself and to those of you who have invested parts of you/your lives into me...
A thank you to Jrod, Anneliese, Erica, Erica?s mom, Allan, and Joe for your words/support this wk. At the specific times/moments in my head games each of you in particular calmed and evened me out when I needed it. So thank you.
19th is almost here... time to tighten up...

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:54 PM

Sunday April 6 - 12 days out from the 19th...
Let?s break this down... 24x7= 168
Mon-Fri 830-530 devoted to work. This is 40hrs of real work. 5 hrs of an alleged lunch break. 45. 168-45= 123
2 hrs of cardio per day, 7 days a wk. 14. 123-14= 109
Mealtime/preptime/grocery shopping to keep nutrition on par - At least 1 hr a day and then maybe and extra hr or two thrown in as leeway.... Time dedicated to food in a wk... minimum 9. 109-9= 100
Weight training... minimum of 1hr a day at least 5 days a wk... we?ll throw 5 as a minimum here, but on days where you?re tired or talking a bit more than ya should... or wks where ya devote 7days a wk to weights... you could stretch the wkly total to 10. 100-5= 95
Drivetime - between work, shopping, tanning, working out (sometimes 3 times a day).... i?d go a minimum of 1hr a day in the car.... and that?s assuming you have it planned appropriately and all of the necessities around you are close (which this time, they are)... so we?ll stick to 7. Then again going home or going to work can take anywhere between 15 to 40min dependent on traffic... so that could up the drivetime ante considerably. 95-7= 88
Tantime - usually in the bed for 12-15min, but it usually takes a solid 5-10min to get signed in and have bed cleaned up, and to undress... and then post tan it usually takes a 5-10min to redress and setup next appointment... we?ll go with 30 a day for 5 days just to keep it safe... so 2.5-3 hrs devoted there... 88-3= 85
At this point low balling it, we have 85hrs to go per wk and we haven?t included shave time, shower time, prep time, change time... or last but not least SLEEP... now let?s also throw in consultation time, prep time/practice time with getting ready, organizing travel itinerary, getting all supplies, all music, and absolutely everything organized... it?s safe to say with an assumption of an unhealthy and low 5hrs sleep a night... 85-35... we have 50 hrs to do all of these other things.... now let?s also try to add in keeping some semblance of quality in life... ie time with gf?s, friends, and family... it?s extremely easy to see that TIME does not exist....
So, say I isolate myself. Think I?m acting different. Perceive me to be nontalkative. Non initiative. Believe and think what you want. Reality is... everything is in fact heightened in the closing wks before a show... The other reality is, it?s a two way street... if most of your social time w/ me, if you reflect upon it, was when we were in the gym... how can you say I?ve changed if I?m still there and everybody else isn?t??? If most of the time I used to get texts throughout the day, and always have been good about responding, and I?m no longer being text?d by half of you... how is that a me thing? If you call me, and I pick up, which inevitably I always pick up... then again most of my time now is in the gym, in a place where I get rare clear reception, and where I need to be focused.... how is that isolation? If I get physically sick and need to distance myself for my health and for sake of others, if I?m tired, if I?m too quiet, if I?m not flying off the walls happy, talkative, and reaching out to others... all of a sudden I?m perceived as different??? And we sometimes wonder, why in a time where I need limited stress, and higher support, I choose to... in my very lil free time (again please refer to the above breakdown of what it?s like to have a real job, and to be serious about preparing for a show) why in my limited free time would I seek exposure to negativity or perception battles? Why in my limited free time where I am supposed to relax but still try to keep everything on point, would I expose myself to a time risk or a chance of fouling up my schedule??? PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND. IT ISNT A ME DISTANCING MYSELF THING. IT ISNT A HATE THING. IT ISNT A "I?M DOING SOMETHING ELSE" THING.... It is me, in a very tight schedule, with a high focus, and a top notch priority.... trying to keep it on lockdown. This isn?t personal. This isn?t an all the time thing. Get off my back about everything. Understand and support it... I?m sorry any of you are offended if I want to stray away from negativity or unneeded stress. I?m sorry you feel I?m too much of a loner. I?m sorry you think I?m backburning everybody. I?m sorry you think and feel the way you do. I am focused. I am trying to win this thing. And consider whatever feelings you have or me being "selfish" for the first time in my life... pretty much ever... Consider it, think about it, reflect on it... At the end of the day... it is about the show. Me trying to win. Me trying to beat all the odds. Me doing the best I can with what I?m given and what I?m surrounded by. If you?re easily offended, or you take everybody?s actions too personal, you need to re examine yourself and the situation... None of this is personal. None of this is about friendships or time not being invested in you... IT IS ABOUT THE MISSION. Trying to win. Limiting the stresses and distractions while trying to get dialed in, and on a very tight schedule...
Believe me when I was a Personal Trainer/Director I could flex my schedule any which way I wanted and make things work... however while it might have worked to prep for a show... I didn?t have the same surrounding crew, I didn?t have the same knowledgable help/guidance (Jarrod), I didn?t have the same gf, I didn?t have the same financial stability... and above that, the reason I didn?t succeed to fullest capability even in a more flexible situation... was I wasn?t willing to sacrifice as much. Or work as hard. Or stay as focused as I am now.
So if you want to bitch and moan about how I?ve somehow changed (when reality is, I?m actually just investing a lil more time in myself and not putting others before me 100% of the time right now), or perceive the wrong things about me... stay away and keep your mouth shut. You are an unnecessary distraction in my mission. If you are mature enough, and open minded enough to realize and understand my situation... then you?d realize I?m still the same guy. I have different priorities right now... and for the first time in my life Number 1 priority is me... Anyways, give it another two wks, let me complete my mission, be there and support, or stand silently by and just witness... My mental notes are sharp... I know who?s running their mouths, I know who has my back, I know who wants things as badly as I do, and at the end of this all, believe me, those who have invested in me, and have had my back all the way through, and have supported and helped me... they?ll get the old Ben back... and he?ll be going above and beyond his unselfish ways to show the same support and to show his thankfulness. Believe it. Believe in me. Or get the hell out of my way.
Aaah, that feels better. Everything today felt better. Things are sharpening again. I got some sleep, so much sleep I was snoring from the insanely deep sleep and probably from the lack of sleep I?ve had for the past whatever months of diet/fat burning/showtime insomnia... and Erica had to yell over it a few times to see if we couldn?t adjust my sleep position to help it... to no avail, she had to keep her ear plugs in... Sorry beautiful

Missed some cardio again today, but got on point with all the shopping, prep, music finalized and jamming. And my mind drifted to the offseason a bit, as I can?t wait for that spongelike growth that happens postshow as the calories flood the body and muscle bellies fill beyond capacity... 2 wks to go.... Oh yes! Hopefully there will be a new trophy on display in my apartment, a new mission for growth as a Qualifier with next goal of competing for a card, and all sorts of caloric endeavors to splurge on... Until then... it?s on the grind...
Last wk was a wash. Complete and utter misery of training and lapses. It is done said and gone now... and ironically enough I somehow managed to keep my weight (if anything actually added some, granted mostly water weight) and got a few more of my numbers down... These next two wks I am having high hopes and faith that the final transformation/composition turn my body goes through will have me looking all sorts of tight, hard, separated, and freaky... We shall see... But as I stated in my other blog, I?m trying to keep a calm storm to it all... And as they say, confidently go about my bidness and do my thang.
I witnessed my boys tearing themselves apart today, very similar to myself this past wk... and I wish we could control it better, but sometimes we can?t... what it takes then is the support system to help naysay the doubts we?re already placing in ourselves and push to get back on the grind... You guys are looking sharp and ready... keep at it, don?t let your mind or others get to you... Patience and confidence are the key. For the two of you I speak of... the discipline seems to be there, so keep at it, and the numbers will continue to improve. At the end of the day all we can do is bring the best body we can and hope the 5 people looking at us in our trunks think we have the best look that day amongst the group. That?s about it... and if we don?t agree with them, we should get hungrier for the next panel and try to remove all doubts as to who is the best. No sense whiling away our early yrs of our career worrying about improper placings... those will happen to everybody... all we can do is pack on mass, and chisel in more detail, to remove all chances of a close comparison or some sort of misjudgment. Gotta get to a composition in competition that leaves us the winners, clear cut and above the rest. This is our mission. Whether it be this year, or 5 years from now... one day we will make it so obvious to everybody on that day... who the champ really is. We gotta live for that day... and drive on until we get there.
That?s my lil pep talk after my longwinded rant... Things here are really gonna be good I believe. Got a lot of peeps talking like they?re making the longass trip, just to support me... I thank you all for these efforts! I have an amazing GF doing anything and everything she can to understand my ups and downs and try to limit my downs and keep my focus in these final days all the while taking care of me in the unasked for but much appreciated ways... ie precooking food for when I get home, listening to my rants, encouraging me to get more sleep, sleeping by me when I snore her ear off, working with me on music and timing and giving solid input... she?s been there for me on everything this year, and we?re finally clicking as a couple in this hellacious competitive world I chose to place us in yet again.... and I can?t express how much it means to me. Thank you Erica!

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:55 PM

As I stated, music is done, and I have chills about it... Training and rest are going to be on par and perfect... I can feel it. Jarrod has a battle plan set forth that will have me dry and tight and as good as it gets for me on stage... Work has been ok and my coworkers have been as understanding and as supportive as possible... and my productivity there looks to be going up this month as well... With a few loans that didn?t close last month but will firm up this wk... it should take that stress off of me as well... Yes people, some of us have to function in the real world as well, not all of us can have a show as our only focus... Tanning will cease soon, my base is fairly dark so that will help on stage, and I can?t wait to hold less water and have things firm up a bit once I cut that out. Plus in the above breakdown it will alleviate a lil more free time for me... woo hoo! Started watching the Bob Cicherillo dvd last night, and was definitely put into a calmer state of mind prebed, not to mention it was cool to see how another BBer lives and deals with things... I look forward to chillaxing to it a bit more tonight, and then the other vids throughout the wk.
Legs tonight were on fire. I whammed them hard in about 45min time. Flying solo per the usual lately... I was all over the place repping heavier weight on the hammies, and finishing with a high rep burnout.... in between each hammy set I hit some nasty quad extensions, and my final set/exercise of the night was high rep leg press... flexing all the way through and as the marketing media loves to say "mindblowing pump"... I will be using some of these training concepts in the offseason and based on my placings and goals I?ll set forth from Panama and possibly LakeCity (hopefully it wont go to that)... I will integrate different things into a much more productive and leaner offseason as well.
I?ll also stray from my blog one more time tonight to discuss something some of you might not be aware of.... Post Show Blues... After devoting and focusing and concentrating for 15-20wks time one one thing and one thing only... it is completely natural and almost a guaranteed phenomenon to ease off of training, ease/if not absolutely destroy whatever ya had as a diet, and to be out of the gym for a bit... the switch to another show later in the year, or the quick flip to a hardcore bulking/offseason... just doesn?t happen that easily. It is my utmost suggestion for everybody to analyze their placings, analyze how they felt, analyze what they sacrificed, analyze what is ahead, analyze what is important to them right now... and make a quality and sound plan... You?ve all been through a lot at this point. Examine your lives, exam the contest schedules, examine what has happened... examine your health, mind status, physical status... and proceed accordingly.... I advise most of you to take time off for a wk or two... get away from it all... and don?t get into things too fast or make your mind up too fast... Sometimes a wk or two away will let you refresh and get back on the grind for the next show later in the year... or it will let you heal up and come storming back with an offseason vengeance... pick or choose... but don?t flip flop, don?t decide too early... talk to people about it.... Some of you haven?t experienced Post Show Blues until now... Myself and Jarrod and others who have competed I?m sure are willing to help listen, analyze, support, encourage, you all into your next goal/endeavor... Just gotta be open to it all, and be self aware....
Alright I?m gonna end this all here... Great legday, better mindset, clear cut path/mission... It?s on!
Love,
The Almost Freak

April 7... 11 to go...

Wait did that read 7-11 to go? NOT YET. 11 days to go... then we?ll see about shennanigans at 7-11...
Bob C is my new friend. His DVD is chillaxing me. Very chill, but very focused. Confident, but not arrogant. Open to appropriate criticism, but chuckles and swipes innappropriate comments away...
And so, with a newer mentality... I was much more on point today, even though it was a low carb day... Can also note that the better sleep change has helped... No more partial sleep and gettin in too late... compared to the 2-3hrs of previous hellacious wks, and then spotting in an hr later... this 5-6 straight stuff has me feeling a lil better and having more energy.
Work was productive for what it was. Somehow almost all of my deals have some snags and I?m trying to get them all completed and closed before I leave next wednesday... Should be possible... Confident that everything will pan out pretty well there. Glad my water intake was solid, as well as my meal timing... Boss is cool about that and I can only be ever so thankful for that in comparison to previous jobs and bosses where they didnt understand or allow proper timing of meals.
Morning cardio before work was a breeze and felt better after more solid sleep. After work stopped by walmart with a gameplan to help my base this final wk of tanning before I drop it... Gonna exfoliate in shower before I head over to tan, opens up pores and cleanses surface to get it ready for tanning. Gonna tan, then workout, come back, moisturize with a diff wash/cleanser more suited for skin recovery... then place a moisturizer .. which helps the tan last longer. Pretty confident my base is getting really dark and it should help to ease any burdens when it comes time to color. Can?t wait to see how my body reacts these final two wks as the skin will tighten up and be darker once I drop it all, and keep moisturizing it a bit.
Energy levels were positive and good even with it being a low carb day. I fully expect my leg soreness to kick in tomorrow with a bit more sleep. Will terrorize my back a bit tomorrow... granted the knots and dryness of joints are really hindering my posing and comfort levels... Charlie instilled some confidence and a proper mindset in me tonight as we touched on some posing, appreciate it buddy.
Def will look forward to more posing sessions and the terror that will be stretching it all out in the next two wks here... A lil more confident in my posing and conditioning today... Waist is no longer really looking like that of a powerlifter... and body is starting to turnover fairly well... Legs are still lagging the depth and dryness... but they?re starting to tease like they want to make a scene soon enough... I will try to intake more water as achy joints and overall sense of dehydration is still apparent. I will also shift into a solidifying mindset rather than a doubtful/complaining mindset. I?ve come too long, and my time is now. Weight is up and holding steady while bit by bit the fat is trimming and lines are starting to show...
To even think of what I tried to bring to the stage last yr compared to this yr... it?s inexcusable and amazing all at the same time. This year, this conditioning, this mindset, will be my new stepping stone for whatever endeavors I set forth in my future... I am well aware that I am young in this sport... to you younger guys it seems like I?ve been doing it forever... for those of you close to my age, it seems like I?m finally turning my leaf and finding it... to you older guys, you?re well aware of the changes and potential that lie ahead for me... I?m liking my chances here in the now, but regardless of what the 19th sends my way... I will utilize this experience these past few months to my advantage long into the future. Whether it be my next show or helping others... So far this has been the mecca for me in transformations in mindset, surroundings, and physique overhaul.
Times are winding down... Hemi and Spadoni have their show the same night Im on my way up to Panama... I?d love to be there to feel that rush as they are paired in the same weight class... and they?re close friends, but I will be checking in via text with the SM crew to follow the happenings... I wish them luck and hope they will enjoy and cherish the time on stage against one of their friends.
Lord knows even in my terrible last place showing this past yr at Tampa, I couldn?t have been more proud and thankful for the opportunity to step on stage with/against a buddy I had lifted with for years. Tim brought it that night, and the 14wks before it, so he deserved every bit of it... he reached where I wanted to go before I did... because he had the right mindset those 14wks, the right support, and the willpower... Now ironically enough I am chasing bigger fish a short 9-10 months later after my own catastrophe, and I can only hope my outcome is as good if not better than his considering the difference... We shall see...
Anyways, Hemi and Spadoni, enjoy your time out there and realize that this is just the beginning. If you 2 continue the pursuit you might square off again, you might be at 2 different levels based on what you want and how hard ya work. Maybe one day Tim and I will step against each other again. Who knows? Right now I want it more. I?m going after somethin bigger... Maybe in the future he?ll get hungry again and go huntin for another big victory...
Can never tell what our futures will hold, can only bust our asses to get to the outcome we desire... We get more and more tired and stressed while our bodies improve and improve... and then it comes down to one day... and a total of maybe 8 total minutes on stage... For what? To feed our personal hunger and remove the chips from our shoulders.
My time is now. If somehow I lapse and fall below 2nd place up there... Lord knows where I?ll be mentally... but shortly after I?m fairly certain I?m going to bring it with everything I?ve got on that day.... and if it doesn?t happen, I?ll light another fire, and get bigger, leaner, better, until the chip from my shoulder can be removed... It?s who I am. It?s within me. It won?t be let out until I get where I?m going. And where I?m going is undecided until I get there, and I can say I?ve done something... at least enough to lessen the chip on my shoulder.
Fellas, it?s closing time. Let?s bring it. The dedication and work ethic is there. Focus and fight and tighten it all up... you can do it. We can do it. Just gotta want it bad enough and bust our butts to get there.
Off to bed I go. One session w/ Bob C to chill me out. Then back on the tread grind in the AM to get the Freak On.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:56 PM

April 8 and April 9... Good Karma/Bad Karma.. 10-9 days out...

Word to the wise... don?t try to rob Grandma... you will be trucked and choked out if seen by eeeevvverrryyybbbooodddyyyy.....
So my karma continues to rise this wk, as I?m getting more sleep, changing my mindset, have helped my coworker out a lot with small tasks as she has faced unexpected car troubles and she lives two doors up from me... And yesterday should basically have been the mecca of good Karma for me as I head into Panama...
I get off work at the usual 530, I drive through the Publix parking lot on my way to make our final deposit for the day... Nothing out of the norm... Until I see a distressed older lady, who looked like she just took a mugging... literally... Hair out of place, face in terror/pain, foot messed up... a group starting to crowd around her yet all of their eyes/faces were directed to the distance/space to my left... go figure... I was heading that way. Still in my truck, now curious as to what happened but not really sure... I make the turn towards our bank (everything is wide open but in close quarters in this plaza) and see 3 mechanics from the place behind my work, in a dead on sprint... By now, I?ve watched enough Cops episodes to know something is up... Sure enough some teenage douchebag in low riding jeans and a gangster tshirt 3 sizes too big is ahead of them, tiredly sprinting and looking back... Yes I?m still in my truck and this scene becomes something straight out of cops... except its all citizens... I?m in my truck and I?m seeing 2-3 other cars taking various angles amongst the plaza all with one guy/thing in mind... We must stop him... The mechanics for how old and out of shape they were... were still on a dead chase for this guy, two other cars closed in but slowly and indecisively so the kid escaped them fairly easily... We had now weaved our way between 3 different strips amongst different pedestrians and the kid was getting tired... Decision time... (ironically as I write this it seems like an hr long chase... in reality it was at most a minute) 60-80 yrds out from the kid, mechanics getting tired, I still had our deposit on me... I hastily put it in a hidden spot in my truck... I screeched to a halt... locked my truck up... and deadbolted for the kid.... he knew he was in trouble still but he had no idea who was behind him, and the mechanics gave way when they saw me join them on foot as I sprinted by them.... I closed in in a hurry as while I am much bigger now, and have lost my endurance since my old soccer/baseball days... my speed I once had is still around every now and then when it comes to sprints... especially in an adrenaline spiked environment...
The kid turned around, a look of shock and horror streaked across his face, expecting an older/fatter/tired out mechanic, and instead getting me in a dead on fresh sprint right at him... Imagine his mindset in that one... Anyways... he made like he was going to plant hard and fire a long looping right hand... I was onto him before he even got it engaged... Sprawled into a guillotine which quickly turned into a rear naked choke... and the kid started gargling... Aah the good old days of fighting everynight at Whiskey Soho and working with Zim, Kiel, and Beau.... I still had the fights in me... This kid was toast. And the rest of the crew soon were upon us... and we then waited for the cops to get there.
Citizens arrest and good karma... from what I was told the lady got dragged 20 ft as the kid couldn?t get the purse off of her arm... she had to go to hospital with messed up shoulder and possible broken foot. The kid had some marijuana on him... two lil bags... So between the attempted robbery and the two bags... hopefully he goes in for a while. Doubt it, but was glad to hear that he had been the one probably involved in a few others around the area so he?ll at least think twice about doing it again... hopefully he?ll think about the quick choke sometime too before he goes back to that game... In a quick side note, you know ya did good when the cops shake your hand and chuckle about the size comparison and story... Adrenaline rush. CHECK. Pent up aggression out. CHECK. Good semaritan deed for the year. CHECK. Time to tan and gym it up...
Got home, did the new pre tan routine of a salted/moisturizer quick scrub shower, then headed to tan, then to the gym. Got a solid back day in surprisingly, and the loosening was apparent a bit as while still uncomfortable the back poses looked better. Posed hard for about 10-15 after the weights, then got on the incline tread. Ya know ya have a good gf when she?ll sit there and yell tighten, vacuum, or spread or different various bodybuilding terms when you?re both tired and she?d rather be elsewhere, probably watching TV or eating a decent meal... Compared to a yr ago, this element of our relationship has changed dramatically and I appreciate it very much. Then for toppers while treadmillin by my side she was like "26" and sure enough... some ultimate fighting I was unaware of was on for me to watch for that hour. Gotta love when somebody starts to really know you and look out for you. Outside of a huge blowup last night where I?m sure neither of us knew how it got there, probably our elevated stress levels and frustrations each, I know I?m sorry for my part in it for sure, as really it was her lookin out for me as usual lately and also I?m sure her fatigue from the stress the sig other takes when one goes through a show. Anyways we?ve gotten stronger and have really learned a lot about each other through all this mess. I?m sure we?ll both be relieved when it?s all said and done here in a few wks. AND I CANT WAIT TO ACTUALLY TAKE HER OUT SOMEWHERE NICE OR DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS WITHOUT MY STRINGENT SCHEDULE/REGIMENT LIMITING US.
Needless to say was feelin pretty good throughout the day, def gettin more rest and having a positive mindset has everything to do with it... until the blowup, and then the apparent destruction of my stomach... not going to go into details but let?s just say I spent the entire night on the toilet losing a ton of weight that I had no idea existed. The nightmare in the belly, might very well have been due to bad meat or something... I have no idea...
Needless to say... 2 hrs of sleep after all the toilet time... wokeup still hurtin but couldn?t miss my cardio.. I was in for a battle... nasty period-like stomach cramps throughout the hr with a desire to sit on the toilet every 3 mins... I struggled but I got through it... I tried to go to work... took some digestive enzymes and antacids... trying to figure out what the hell happened. Tired and whencing in pain, I essentially did my good deed of getting my coworker to work from her rental place, then spent some more time on toilet at work, organized a folder for a closing I had set for that day... fought some more stomach cramps, spent some more time on toilet and decided it was too much at this point... and for the first time in my life ever from school or work... I went home early. I guess for a person who never gets sick, and since sick hrs never roll over or get paid back... one day is ok. It bugs me to be here at home and not working though. Stomach is still achy after I slept a few more hrs and pounded more water. Just going to rest and time my meals right and hope I can do something productive tonight.
I?ll update again later tonight as far as the training perspective. I will comment here as far as the mindset/mentality perspective... I?ve noticed myself getting frustrated with people who aren?t serious. Whether it be life, workouts, etc... I have an underlying rift that cusses them out when I see them slack or get in the way of our distract anything but seriousness. I?m sure it?s due to the heightened sense of importance and how serious I?m taking everything in my prep for my show... but I was glad to see I wasn?t the only one (Allan) who is getting frustrated at lack of focus/seriousness in life. I?m sure once my stuff is all said and done I?ll be happy and go lucky in most aspects cause that?s who I am... but if I were to win my qualifier on 19th and choose to try to pursue The Card... I might very well have my "too serious" hat on for a long time. I don?t know just some insight to the mind right now. I get frustrated when I see bad form, I get frustrated when I see the same fat people do the same things and never look to get help but will always complain they aren?t progressing, yet they aren?t progressing because they aren?t willing to adapt, they aren?t willing to sacrifice. Less time eating bon bons and McDonalds while ya watch Oprah and more time reading about how to properly train and get your nutrition right... But to each their own... just stay out of my way for now. And for those people who marvel at the transformation... damn I wish they could read these blogs and understand what it takes... for when they come up to me and say "Hey man, howd ya get so lean so quick?" F you. 18 wks of hardcore dieting isn?t quick. It isn?t easy. And if there was a magical quick secret to get there... we?d all look like gods and goddesses... But there isn?t. It?s hard work. It?s sacrifice. It?s an unrelenting will and drive. You better look deep into your soul and figure yourself out... because until you?re willing to open your mind and get serious about something... don?t expect any crazy transformations to happen... much less this Overnight bull**** the media tends to feed everybody.
Anyways enough of a rant/blog for me.... for now. I gotta chug some water, time out a few more meals and hopefully feel well enough to get in there.. And for those who think I push it too much.... Guess what? That?s what it takes. However I am smart enough and aware enough to run the fine line... if I?m somewhat cramping but feel I?ll be better and healthy enough to be productive tomorrow... guess where I?ll be tonight? Training. The Game is on... and no matter what I face... I?m going to do what I set out to do... and now I?ve upped the ante... I don?t want just 2nd up there... that might force me to go to LakeCity just so I have a win under my belt. I want first. And I?m gonna go through whatever and do whatever it takes to get it... outside of losing full productivity at work or pushing my health too far... But I think this stomach thing will subside and my mentality/more positivity will help carry me to the 19th.
UPDATING THE REST OF THIS LATER>>>> Much love. Peace.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:57 PM

Update:
Feeling like absolute crap. This is pain. This is hell. Figures as soon as I get over my monster sickness, and start to get more sleep, my abs/stomach/intestines act up... Got some beano, some GasX, and some antiacids... I hope this **** is knocked out by tomorrow.
Somehow I had some relief midday, and then it struck again right before I hit the gym. Tan is coming in good. Hit the calves ok. Worked some tightness in shoulders and back out. Worked on posing. Then it hit haaarrdddd.... Absolute misery. Going to bed here in a min to escape this hell.
Anybody wanting info on the show just visit: www.SouthernUSAclassic.com
Saw the guys from last year in the pics on their poster... Looks like it?s as legit as they come and it?s no wonder it?s a qualifier for The Card. Palm Beach was first show of the year, and alot of guys had done some late last yr or are bulking still in prep for later this year... therefore it wasn?t as legit... but a qualifier is a qualifier and anybody in the game has a fair shake to show up that day....We?re 6 wks removed from that, it?s apparent it?s game time. Luckily I feel as if I?m going to come in ready. Will probably get my numbers ran this wkend and see what?s up. Legs are starting to turn and posing is coming along nicely... so if it is to happen for me this year I can?t imagine what else I?d have to bring besides more muscle maturity and sharpness that comes with time in this wonderful game. As Bob C says... there is no defense in bodybuilding. You can?t prep for a particular guy, you can?t worry about others... all you can do is bring your best and hope it?s good enough on that day.
I?m off to get some rest and hope that this belly thing goes away. Got legs tomorrow... should be fun... only two more leg sessions before gametime so I gotta make em count. Been flyin solo.. can?t say I mind it... but I did take note of it as well. I appreciate my silent supporters though. All the haters can **** off. Literally. My usual self assessment two wks post show... EXPECT MORE CHANGES. In all aspects.
Goodnight.

April 10th = 8 away....
Current mood: Pumped
8 days til the rest of my life...
Varsity Bluesish eh? But that's how it feels. Getting more and more pumped to step on stage, dialed in, freakish striated and vascular compared to years passed. I listen to my night routine again and again. Visualizing, hoping, to crush it and then be awarded that first place on that night. The trip will be long, but it will let myself and Erica escape life a bit. My base tan will allow us less stress while doing color. Being up there early on a Wednesday will let the travel stress settle and alleviate. Familiarity and comfort with the town will set in by thurs/fri... I will not have anybody up there with me except Erica until Friday when Joe, Joe, and Tony join us after weigh ins... then the whole crew will come in for the morning show on Sat.... Wednesday's drive and Thursdays time with just myself and Erica and only color to do... will be a vacation for me. No office next wk after Tuesday. No familiar faces in the gym I'll be at. Just me and Lil e. A calm will absorb me. A confidence will fill me. It will become my time. My stage. Hopefully my place in life. I will settle a bit after weigh ins. I will load the carbs properly. I will drop the water and watch as the freakiness consumes my body. I will chill... the 5 of us will talk and discuss stage prep, BBing, and bs a bit before the mandatory sleep or attempt at sleep strikes us. Then we will wake... it will be game day.... It will be nothing but loosening up the body. Then tightening it. Preparing for war. Preparing for final presentation. Preparing for the judgment of my life to this date. The night won't matter unless I sail into the overalls... From what I've seen, there will be no sailing. This is war. This will be close. Want to beat my class and see where it goes from there. But the outcome will hopefully come out in my favor and I can shift focus back to Erica and others around me. I can relax for a wk or two... then a new battle will begin... if qualified... my offseason will mean more. I will take it more serious... but bulking is the fun stuff then... it's the gym where the tearing has to happen. Contest prep is so opposite... you gotta do everything right nutritionally and timing wise and while the gym time is still a factor... it's the nutrition and the breakdowns that are most important. Offseason = game on. Back to throwing mad weight. Back to eating ridiculously huge proportions where people gawk and stare at the quantity rather than right now people gawk and stare in amazement as we eat the same boring bland items.
Ok well side tracked there... brain is wandering... but it's all sorts of positive. After dropping to 211 after yesterday's nightmare/fiasco... I was glad to see my weight back up to 220 and beyond. I guess not being able to eat and being on the toilet all day will have that kind of effect on your weight. Haha. Anyways feeling healthy and ready to wage war here... Saturday starts my depletion. And I'm actually looking forward to it. It's one of the final steps in my journey and if Jarrod has me mapped out right... it will leave me all sorts of crazy out on stage on the 19th. It will be hard not having him up there Friday with the eyes and insight... I've done shows alone before and have had some outside perspective before, but thus far, Jarrod has proven to be quite knowledgable and on point with my timing and our goals... and it's nice to have that around rather than my own eyes and perception zoning in on certain things, over analyzing others, taking things too extreme... Palm Beach was our first time working together, and it was a success considering my conditioning then. Now I'm much leaner and quite a bit sharper heading into this one... so we should be able to pullout a good outcome. Either way he, Anneliese, and the fellas are plannin to get there in time before prejudge to take a look and make the last minute adjustments as needed. I just gotta be real, take the proper eyes to myself wed thru fri, and give Jrod the proper assessment so we can adjust my physique accordingly. By now I know how I've felt, I know how I should feel, I know I normally come in very flat in years past and Jrod had me coming in full at Palm Beach... so from a distance we gotta find that timing and appropriate strategy... I think we will. I was prepared to do this alone. I am definitely happy and thankful to have Jrod's help and support. It will be our final test... Before it's then left entirely up to me and the judges out there. My revamped posing should have me looking better just through presentation (thanks Charlie on a few of your suggestions)... and my conditioning to this date has never been this good... So... It's about timing. It's about good presentation. It's about who shows up. It's about what the judges think/see. I feel, I believe, I feel confident, that everything will be on point.
Healthy, happy, and prepared. It's game time and we're bringin it to Panama. Posing was good today, darker, leaner, and way less bloat due to the GI irritation finally leaving my body like something straight out of the Exorcist.
Legs are cramping as I type. This high rep quick rotation between hammies and quads has blood flowin and lines showin... One more round... Sunday... Gonna terrorize them one last time... they will make me or break me... and if I squash them and stay hard on them, after dehydration, they should be fine, sharp, crisp, clean,striated...
Arms tomorrow. And cardio. More posing. Then working out transitions in my routine. The music will move you... the muscles will get freaky... the show can't be missed...
Time to rest. Time to rejuvenate. Time to help the freak get freakier. Mandatories in my dreams. High placings in my future. Bring it.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:58 PM

11 = 7 out... Addressing the peeps...

One. There is one you. There is one me. There is one first place. There is one second place. There is one winner. There is one group of losers. There is one person choosing to do the work and put the time in. OR there is One person choosing to lapse and slip and not put the time and work in.
Don't worry about me anymore. Take care of you. In the end of our time, it is just that OUR time... nobody else has or can live our life. It is ONE life. One path. One fate. One destiny. Therefore who am I to get upset about anything You do? Who am I to say anything? Who am I to help you? Who am I to put You before me? You are one. I am one. One person = One life... the details in between are up to us... ourselves. Just US. By ourselves. We make our own decisions, we sleep in the bed we ourselves make. Our outcome is a result of our work and input. You'll get yours. I'll get mine. Whatever it may be... it is up to us on our own.
We can be supported. We can be hated. We can go along. We can set the path. But at the end of it all... our own journey is up to us. I've been here before. I don't mind flying solo even though I'm very much a people person. Might as well let bygones be bygones... My selflessness is more than most 99% of the time, and it gets taken for granted and ****ted on time and time again... But I won't change. It's who I am. It's part of my journey. Piss on me all you like because at the end of the day it will effect your journey, not mine... I got a new shirt I can put on, I can take a shower, I got plenty of bars of soap... You don't concern me. You're a ripple in the riptide... and I'm still surfing.
With me. Against me. It doesn't matter. Support me. Watch me. Hate me. Do whatever ya need to do. It doesn't matter. This is MY journey. I'm in charge. I'll thankfully and appreciative take any positive help, support, and knowledge around me... but I'll disregard all the side banter and nonsense that also surrounds me. None of it matters... April 19th matters. My journey matters. Those close to me who I can trust and have my back 100% matter to me, but whether they're there or not... Not so much... I'm used to it. I'm used to being shown love and respect but not always having people show up just to show how much they're there for me. And it's ok... This is a me thing. I can do anything I set forth to do, if I set forth to do it right. My time is now, who witnesses it is beyond my control. Who is a part of it, is somewhat in my control but I can't control those fates... different gyms, different networks, different people... Life and surroundings change all the time. Accept, adjust, and adapt accordingly.
I luckily found my way into a nice position in my life/journey for once. I've had the help and support from a guy I never thought I'd become close to. Teammates sure. Same interests sure. But the same wants and desires, and passion for a crazy sport... to reach the same level of interest and enthusiasm... I never thought possible. And through this our friendship has forged a strength. And whether he finds his way up to Panama or not, I still want to thank Jarrod for his support and our friendship. I know no matter what placing I get up there, or what I look like compared to morning and night... he'll critique what needs to be critiqued and he'll praise what deserves praising. It's level, it's calm, it's neutral, and assertive. I didn't take it that way back in 05 when we crossed paths a few times. I thought he was too serious and a bit arrogant... Now I realize, he's dead serious, not arrogant at all... and if he sees potential... he's gonna call you out until you see it too. And not just see it... WORK FOR IT. Either way, a lot of my credit does go to Jarrod, whether it's a different viewpoint, a different technique, something has clicked this year and the outcome while not flawless has been nothing short of positive gains/transformations in both physique and mindset. So thanks Jarrod, whether you find a way up there or not man... I know you'll be with me. And I know I wouldn't have been going up there at all had ya not set the tone/fire/pace to my passion we call bodybuilding.
As to the rest of you... I might as well address it here, since some of you read this, and if ya don't ya still get wind of my messages. Yeah I haven't agreed with a lot of things that have happened or that I have heard. As I said well above, I can't hold it against you. You got yours. I got mine. Your life. Your decisions. My life. My decisions. I've been a stepping stone/catalyst in people's lives before, have helped them in a lot of ways, and have never spoken to them again after it was all said and done for some reason or another. It's just a sign that we all learn to move on eventually. I do feel a lil let down in the fact that myself and Jarrod extended ourselves and as I approach a big moment in my life, the two guys I helped get to theirs, have disappeared... and/or have degraded/disrespected my help/knowledge. But that's life. That's maturity. When you two get on point or need help, knowing me I'll still probably help you two... Because you both work hard, and you both have a lot of potential... But in some ways you both let me down. No hard feelings or anything. I still have your backs. I just wish you both would have analyzed the situation at hand and acknowledged the help and also understood that while yeah, your stuff is done... my journey is close to finishing and you two aren't there. I'm pumped to hear you guys are getting on point w/ Jarrod right now. Time together in the gym is a mute point here. Training partners is a mute point. I'm talking support and presence. You both disappeared on me. No real texts, no random phone calls or hanging out. It's all good though. I can do it alone. And at this point, I honestly prefer to do it alone, and with the more silent supporting crowd at this time. Just know that I'm still here for you both, and when my show is over, you can pretty much bet I'll be there expending energy and knowledge as long as it's still respected and appreciated. If not, do as ya like, do what ya want. It's your life. You live yours. I'll live mine.
Others to note... Allan, you're on point bro, and you want it the most. Don't let anything or anybody get in your way. I've never been around somebody so young so focused and so passionate. The others can get pissy about this, but this is my perspective, and credit comes from me where credit is due... Keep doing your thing bro. Stay patient. This is a game of time and patience. Your knowledge is growing and your passion is unparalleled. Keep those two going and the rest will follow suit.
Hemi, stay strong. I'm on the outside of what is going on with you but from what I can tell you're going through a lot of what I went through. Stay focused and stay sharp, time will settle the rest. Relax a bit and don't over think and over analyze. Jarrod has it written out for you, so just follow it. Trust him. Follow it. Focus on getting to the 16th and AFTER when you're better rested and better fed, the details in life will sort themselves out...
Spadoni, prepared 2 wks out is a highly sought place to be. I envy your conditioning. Stay patient and strong in this last wk. Keep polishing your posing. The rest will take care of itself. Have fun going against Hemi. And make sure it won't be the last time you two face off... Could be setting up a good tandem and a fun future of competitions if ya stay close and wage war on stage.
Davegnarley, coming along good man. Remind me of me. Genetically speaking. Just keep working at it. Extend your knowledge, sharpen the focus a bit more, and keep packing in the calories... Growth will come... The strengths are there, and the weaknesses can be brought up with time. I appreciate your support in these past few wks. Silent and assertive. It's helped me bro. Thanks.
JoeG, JoeM, Tony, and Erik... newcomers to the game but you're in the game early... Keep working at everything. Keep the enthusiasm high, and keep supporting each other. Get into competing when the time is right. JoeG has one under his belt and with a bit more mass his posing and presentation will always keep him respected on stage. Erik, your foundation is getting stronger. Don't get impatient. Just keep working. With time, and better planning/execution, the physique will make remarkable changes. JoeM, your passion and excitement for the sport is a wakeup call to some of us vets who have grown a bit content with it. Thanks for your support and interest in the sport lately... keep it up, and keep your researching/question asking/workout pace in high gear.... it's the only way to go. Tony, hopefully the shows and the surroundings will continue to spark a fire for you and help get you to where you want to go. Lean on your brother and friends a bit to expand the knowledge bank and interest level. Don't any of you guys let people hold you down. You'll all become what you want to become if ya set forth a plan and desire it enough.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:59 PM

Alright already that's my pep talk for the night. If I left the 800000 million of you other readers out, I apologize.... stay pumped and seek more knowledge and a hardened work ethic and you'll all get to better places.
Now, back to me... Arms went well today. Crazy pumps and a quality look to them. Was a bit bummed to get my numbers ran and come in at 5.38 bodyfat. Our goal was to have me at 4 or better on stage. Remember all you beach junkies, a 9 point consistantly ran caliper test will wage better results than a basic 3 point randomly ran one... So all you guys thinking you're at 4%... and ready to rock the beach... go rock the beach... But know that you're probably not really at 4%... EGO BUST! OUCH!... want a real ego test? Grow some balls, step on stage and have thousands look at you and critique you, and see just where you're at as far as physique wise. Big arms and pencil legs will only work at the bars with alc'd up hookers... A true test? Dial down, proportion things right, and see where ya place against others seeking muscular development and perfection.
Anyways, legs and everything lately is quite vascular... Hopefully this will translate when the dehydration and sodium shock game comes into play. FREAK's the word, Ben's the verb.
I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO PANAMA IN THE BIGGEST WAY!!! It will be so nice to get away from it all. The time is right, and when it's all said and done, everything will be so different. This year has changed me. My perception and views have changed. I am stronger and much more knowledgable about many aspects of life now... and I can attribute a vast majority of it to my training for this show. 1st place or not, I will come out of this one with something... I just still can't predict where my mind will be if I don't place accordingly. Something tells me if I don't win there, I will definitely be on a headhunt for the Overall at LakeCity... just to set the tone for my future... But again, hopefully there won't be a prayer of me heading to Lake City... as I want to OWN Panama.
We shall see. Energy levels and positive vibes are high. I'm anxious for this thing. Yet I'm calm as well. Got a major hookup on the car rental, and I hope that goes through as planned. Alex P, you da man if it works out!
Erica and I are growing tired of this all, as the strain is starting to wear us down. One more week beautiful, and these lessons will help us grow as we can shift focus to you and finish out the year with both of us getting things done in a big way! I'm proud of you and thankful for everything you've done for me. I love you. Thanks!
TOMORROW: Setting up a short plan til Wednesday with Jarrod. Prob picking up a few of the new shirts... THEY ARE THE BEST ONES YET.... EVERYBODY STOP BY SOUTHERN MUSCLE AND CHECK THEM OUT BEFORE THEY'RE SOLD OUT!!!
Cardio three times. Maybe some ab and back work. Probably more posing work. Tanning/massage work is scheduled as well. Also gotta get some shopping in, probably the last before we head up... and prob after we get the short plan set in stone... Gettin prepared and doin it FREAK style! And of course chilling in between it all with Lil e.
Gnight everybody.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 08:59 PM

April 12th = 6 away from paydirt...

Yeah, the pay is dirt. ((((I.e. there is none.)))) The big payoff will be knowing I completed something like 18wks of dieting and turned my body over so well I looked like an entirely different person.
I'm amped and anxious to get this thing on and also over with. Startin to prep a bit for the offseason... probably because this has been a long road and while it's def a good condition to be in looks wise, it is/takes above and beyond to improve upon wk after wk... offseason is a bit more lax and the details/looks dont matter assss much... I won't let it get outta control, but I'm not gonna be standing in front of the mirror every night lookin for the next pound like I'm standing in front of the mirror every night lately lookin for the next line/separation.... So yeah the excitement for the offseason is building but I have not lost sight of this next Saturday.... believe that....
I can almost feel the tanning paint on me, the shiny glare from the stage lights bright in my eyes, the cottonmouth from dehydration, the hard dry skin, the bodytightness of a proper carb up, **** I'm even smelling the minty smell of the vasodilator.... I'm mentally almost already on stage right now.... Anxious for the call outs, anxious for the mandatories, anxious to see what my work has done for me and how I stack up this time.
Chilled with the fellas at Southern Muscle. First time in a longtime. Some things haven't changed. Other things have changed a lot. These are the facts of life. Accept, adjust, adapt accordingly... I'll set my own path and destroy all obstacles, and I'll support all co-soldiers in this war against imperfections in our physiques... My cast might always change, but the end goal and story won't change that much...
Pretty stoked to see the outcome of tomorrow. Pretty neat to have people wanting to roll Freak Fanatic shirts into Panama... we'll see what variationsthe guys come up with... should be a fairly solid look regardless...and as always I appreciate the support. 19th cant get here soon enough.
Base tan is lookin straight nasty... it's always good heading into a show when people start asking you what race you are... The lights wash out a lot of things, so the darker the better, and it will allow the emphasis on color to take care of itself.
Weight and health is pretty comfortable right now. A changed mindset washed over me within the past wk, and outside of the achy right back/shoulder and some troubles with the lat pose... I'm feeling pretty good about everything and the possible outcome.
2 days of work with me as a less than normal employee to go... I can't wait to have my calories back and more sleep as it will launch me into almost explosive mode at work and in life... in a good way of course.
Today basically turned into a cardio day... did some basic separation work with the buttblaster, and hammered some abs and calves... Tomorrow, 8am... I'm going to torch my legs one final time. If they show up, and my lats are comfortable and loose, I should definitely be in the hunt... And I sincerely hope I'm not overestimating or overcrediting myself.... Guess we'll have to wait and see... At 25, after a few bad results I wasn't into shows as much, then again, I've done a show every year since I started... so I guess the no-show mentality is short lived with me.... And sometimes, ya just can't take something out of somebody once they have it in them... You can only harness it, channel it, and improve it. We are what we are, and we can stay stagnant in what we do, or make ourselves better. As I've stated before, no matter the result/placing I will cherish this experience and I will also come out of it a better person with a few more helpful views on my life and people around me. But for now, UNO is the goal... T.G.F. needs to bring it like nobody's business on the 19th... Freaktime.... it's coming....
Well it's time for me to go hash out phase2 of the battleplan with Jarrod, then I will retire to chill w/ Erica and Lilo w/ some DVDs.... The Game is on, the Freak is forming, and the clock is winding down.... CLUTCH....

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:00 PM

Aaah hells yeahs and hells nos... 5 days away

Um. Got more rest. Didn't do crap for training today. A lot of walking and standing all day... not as active as I would have liked but it counts for something compared to being in bed all day like last Wednesday.... yeah you guessed it... Stomach and gastro issues once again. Go figure. This wk's culprit = some form of plain mall chicken bourbon style no sauce, no sides at all... plus that being the only real food in me since something like 1pm had me growling and stomach contracting til I returned home around 630. And just cause I got home, doesn't mean it stopped... The GasX and CharTabs and Pepcid AC have been taken again and things are calming a bit. Chris can attest to how I looked tonight after it all, and I was with JoeG all day and he had the same issue too, probably not as severe... but yeah... for the overpriced plain chicken at the mall.... no thanks... never again.... In the offseason when I can kill chinese chicken I'll drive to my old stomping grounds in Tampa and fill the to go box or two or three of them w/ nothing but a variety of chicken and chow down and know I'll be safe as well as saved money. Couldn't believe the audacity of the chinese lady to charge me 6 a pop for two small cups of plain chicken, when in Ttown they load a whole box for 6 bucks. Never again.
Here's my lesson for you in the competing worlds... when there's a chance you might be out longer than expected or in a rough spot to time your meals.... prepare for it... bring a cooler with your own prepared meat. ESSPPPEECCIALLLYYY in depletion wk when the body already doesn't know what the heck is going on. Today better be the last setback... I want to own Panama and not being able to move that well or get a meal down the hatch...albeit plain boring turkey or chicken for the 16th wk.... it still sucks. Maybe it's my final cleansing before gametime. Let's hope and pray.
Yeah so... the reason I was at the mall all day? JoeG and I ripped the logo of myself we created, and the whole crew is going to rock tshirts with a variation of it up in Panama. After working with the cool fellas down at Tshirt Diner (and no they don't serve food there, but they get asked that all the time) Efren and Rob and myself and JoeG came up with a baller front... and sick backs.... Should be pretty crazy having everybody wearing it in support of myself and Southern Muscle. What would take myself and Joe about 5wks or more in steady creation time... Efren knocked out in 7 hrs with many business interruptions. A true professional. Thanks bro! JoeG thanks for spending the whole day with me to ensure that thing came out the way we wanted. I appreciate you guys wanting to do that and taking the time to get it done.
Going to bed here in a minute... Treadmill will be my friend. As well as circuit/depletion work this wk. Just gotta hit it all, and get my final 2 days of work out of the way, then pack and get everything ready for Panama Tuesday night... So E and I can head out Wednesday. After tonights mayhem and hardly any meals... weight being at 218 at the onset of depletion isn't all bad. Will crush more water and be on point tomorrow...
Chris came over for a bit as I was laying around after the mall in my misery. It was good to catch up with him and see his focus shifting to more seriousness. But I'd say chill another wk and get anything wild and crazy out of your system and then put it on lockdown when everybody gets back from Panama... you deserve the break, and if ya didn't/don't ease up a bit your mind will crash before ya reach stage in September. Take it from a guy who has his foot to the pedal close to yr round whether it be powerlifting or bodybuilding... you do need some cruise control time...so your performance levels can rest a minute and peak when appropriate. We'll get everything sound and solid by September, no worries about a few rebound lbs... they'll be long forgotten by the time Lakeland rolls around.
So let's see...another hell no, after a few hell yeahs... Work will be interesting. Gonna be shorthanded there as one of my coworkers goes off for his final training before becoming a Branch manager... I'm glad for him and am anxious to see our next steps within the company... but after the merger and our current accounts status... he'll be gone two wks, I'll be gone one wk... it won't leave our numbers lookin pretty when we come back. So not sure what's gonna happen these next two days before I leave, but I imagine we'll have to bust it.... And then we got the memo that we might face our yearly audit this wk... maybe Mon, Tues, Wed.... I'm hopin Wednesday... not that I want the girls to go through that shorthanded or without me, but I don't wanna go through it this wk... maybe next wk when I'm "fat" and happy. NOT THE SPIKE IN CORTISOL LEVELS I WANTED HEADING INTO THE BIGGEST SHOW OF MY LIFE. We'll see.
I'm gonna be chill through it. Really only been testy lately when my internals are actin up, or when my lack of sleep really shows through... Hopin to just enjoy my time up there and away from here... bring home the win, focus on a crazy offseason, and really just do anything and everything I can for Erica for a good long while since she has done so much for me over the past few months. Thanks beautiful!
Game time is coming... and it can't come soon enough. Sayin the prayers to God and the BBing Gods... gettin the mind right for one more wk... I do wonder where it'd be if it wasn't wk 18 or so and it was more like 12... but hey, maybe the body wouldnt be the same then either? All in all everything this year has beat last year easily... and by far... Let's just hope Saturday will force me to have a final expense for a while.... Bigger trophy shelf baby

We shall see. Bedtime folks. Gnight.
Oh, side note... besides being flat, having a bloated gut from the GI irritation... in the brief 5 mins I felt better while Chris was here, I worked on posing a bit and the lat/shoulder didnt feel as tight... I said "as" because its still Fn tight... the spread was ok, and the legs are still leaning on wanting to show more separation... So yeah... good stuff and bad stuff... but tis life... Just gotta try to bring it with what we got and make what we got better and better.
Game time soon.
Bedtime now.
- FREAK - ouuutttttt

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:03 PM

4 days away...Hype, Overhype, Real Deal... Fn read this one...

It struck me today, am I still that local overhyped guy that can never place higher than 3rd in any show? Much less a National? Or am I finally becoming the real deal and stand a good shot at taking this thing?

I'm loose and comfortable. I'm doing what I got to do. But at the same time some things are ticking in the back of my mind.

To the outsider... I'm freakish and people envy the physique... to the insider, my legs are still lacking separation, I'm close to proper leanness but probably still not lean enough, and my posing is too tight and uncomfortable looking on some occasions.... however my conditioning is still fairly solid, and the mass is usually on par or better than the nearest competitor...

To some knowledgable and in the know eyes around me, they say I'm on par and stand a good chance. Is this a friendly confidence booster because I'm going up there regardless? Or is it legit and I am the real deal this year? Today and on other days I can never tell. Sometimes peoples words are all hype to receive the outcome they want, ie a favor from me or a kind word in return, or a knowledgable tip etc. Other times it's as if people are being real and in all seriousness at fair critique saying I'm on point and have it this year.

Then to some outsiders, their words and "in awe" expressions towards me start the whole overhype phenomenon. Obviously unless you're in Venice or a hardcore BBers gym, the likes of me around contest time are few and far between... and to the common people they can only look on and state different things in amazement and wonder about what it takes to get there and be like that. To them, looking like this, you can't possibly lose. What they don't realize is, at the National level, we're getting every gym's allstars, and it comes down to the nitty gritty in conditioning, proportioning, presentation, density, hardness, thin skin, no water, muscle mass, attention to detail....

My resolve for all of this? Just bring what I got, and come Saturday... we'll find out if I'm a creation of hype, if I'm overhyped, or if I'm the real deal. I'd love to think I'm the real deal, and I'm goin in there like I am. I have to. I want to. And hopefully on that Saturday... I am the real deal. Benny needs his qualifier, his heart/spirit needs justification for all this time, energy, sacrifices, and life he's invested.

If I am just hype. Local = Great. National = Close to good but not great. 3rd or 4th but not first... I'm fairly certain I'm going to go back to my roots, and do what I had initially planned for this year but got convinced out of... and put together a solid yr or two of offseason bulking and solidify all of my weaknesses and bring up all lagging parts, to ensure that the next time I step on stage I am the real deal and we remove all doubt. 25 is young in a bodybuilders life. The great ones usually experience success and many wins by this time and then continue to win things year after year until they reach a pro status or retire simply because they've done everything they could with the genes/effort that were set forth... I however have not.... which might leave me in an advantageous position as I am hungry... Hungry to get the chip off my shoulder, hungry to legitimize myself as a contender...

The irony is how successful I am/was at powerlifting... But how much I care so much more about bodybuilding. I guess it comes down to that chase part... Another irony is... I no longer want to do local shows. While I've never won one... after this year's 3rd at a smaller National... and who knows what placing I'll get in Panama... It's like I've skipped a step in progressions and want something more. Plus for me... national compared to local... level 5 compared to level 2... the chance at a qualifier compared to just a trophy... the stakes/premiums and competition is such a higher level... it means more...

Which brings me to my next point... Hype, Overhype, Real Deal.... WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!????? You say you're my friends. You say you have my back. You say you look up to me.You say you're gonna be there. You say you are behind me 100%. You say you're serious. You say you owe me. You say you're glad you have me around. You say I help you out. YOU SAY YOU SAY YOU SAY.... How many of you are being real??? How many of you are overhyping your intentions? How many of you are just joining in on the hype of "Benny's goin for his Qualifier, let's support him"...

Tonight... 4 days away from the biggest moment in my "career"... all I can say is... if You aren't the real deal. Then please **** off. And this time I might mean that permanently. Granted... me being the ever infinite nice guy all the time... and so selfless.... I'll probably recant on my **** off and make it a... "Alright guys lets step it up for me next time huh?"... but seriously... everybody is so wishy washy... while their intentions might be good... hardly anybody is following through on anything. And this time I'm not calling out individuals... If any of you felt any guilt while reading this.... MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A ****ING CLUE... maybe you are one of the one's I'm calling out in this rant.... and realize what I've done for you in the past, and what I can/am willing to do for you in the future... Might just exceed your current actions, thoughtlessness, selfishness, ignorance... But hey, all I can do is express things, and you can perceive it any way you like... but if this last part hit home for you... please look within, and adjust accordingly... sometimes life isn't all about you. Sometimes life is about the people you KNOW absolutely KNOW without a shadow of a doubt KNOW..... will be there for you through thick and thin no matter what... AND IF YOU DONT THINK I'M THE REAL DEAL IN THAT AS FAR AS TAKING CARE OF MY PEOPLE.... THEN YOU DON'T TRULY KNOW ME.

The mental notes are being taking fast and furiously... and I intend to follow through on some of my self promises with you people. After the show I do intend to have drastic changes in a lot of things that have happened, that me Mr Nice Guy has let slip by. You think I'm serious about the show? Most of you know my seriousness about friendships and quality of life for myself and those around me far exceeds my seriousness about a show.

So... the questions... stage wise... am I hyped, overhyped, or the real deal? Saturday will answer that for me. Friendwise I know I'm the real deal.

In your life, as a friend, person, how do you roll? You the hype, you overhyped, or ARE YOU THE REAL DEAL? I'm questioning a lot of things right now. Nobody needs to answer this blog at all. ANSWER YOURSELVES AND ADJUST ACCORDINGLY.

After all that emo ranting and psychology of a bodybuilder let's get to what most of you want to read quickly in your CLIFFnotes....

Calm, comfort, and confidence is buzzing throughout me. I'm believing I'm ready for this... at this point, this stage of my career, it's the best I've got... if it isn't good enough, I'm not far enough along on my journey or it isn't in my genes... And the genes part can't be it if I'm the so called Genetic Freak... so we'll stick with the I'm young... theory.

Tomorrow I am allegedly setup for a few closings at work so I should leave for Panama on a positive note at work. Just gotta clean up my desk and some of my files before the auditor visits. And I'm still hoping she doesn't visit til at least Wednesday.

I will be packing my ps3 to kill my time in the hotel outside of the final depletion, cardio, meal timing, and coloring... NCAA misses me... I probably forgot who I was pursuing in my recruiting at this point, so it will take a wk or two in the dynasty to get back on track...so I'll probably lose a few bluechips in the process just because it has been so long since I played my ps3... probably a good 8wks or so at my best guess. Not that any of you care, but it will be nice to get back to my dorkish ways a bit besides all this bodybuilding and blogging it nonsense

ANNDDD No I won't go to the beach. No I won't go out in public/see the sights just to do so... I will do whatever shopping necessary and when it comes time to get my big carb up in... Chili's will see my "black" self a few times. It's all about timing, relaxing, getting things done, and settin it all up for Saturday. The beautiful thing will be outside of coloring and me doing a few final depletions/cardio... Erica and I will get to chill away from the world for a moment, granted she will be studying for her finals in between doing my color... but it works out... because I can't really go out, and she can't afford to not study... and we both need it peaceful.... Aah it will be beautiful. A lil ps3 time, a chillax time, and tons of peaceful just us time with Lil e.... Until the Joes and Tony get there late friday

But then really that's gonna be easy too... one big meal, talk about show prep and supps... then sleep... then game time... Yeah, this thing is on lockdown.

The shirts came out sick. So much so Erica's mom had one made. Pretty cool to have a pic of yourself on your GF's mom's tshirt... those of you who ordered one I'll have em with me in the truck so buzz my cell and meet up with me. Those of you who'd like one, they're a bit pricey but thats because there were no art fees and no setup fees and we can interchange design and throw them on whatever... so a cool 35-40 bucks nets ya a pretty sick T.G.F. and Southern Muscle shirt. And no... I'm not making a profit... that's the legit cost.

Anyways, it's past my bedtime, but energy is no longer an issue for me... My motor is running high and well spirited and probably will be that way til the callouts in the morning, then the placings at night.

Final news to note... Talked w/ the promoter today, he said 4-5 Heavyweights are already signed up. So there will be no gimmies in this one kids... If I place high (still hopin to get the OneSpot), it's because I earned it. I'll be weighing in right at the eligible 4pm on Friday... to avoid those coming in late or coming off of work... again, to keep stress down, and get things done. I don't need to see my competition at weigh ins... it doesn't do anything except play some mind games (most guys dont look the same from weigh ins to on stage anyways, unless there's an unmistakable presence about them ie Rafael at Palm Beach), the competition will run it's course... And my fate will be known on Saturday night.

Key notes: www.southernusaclassic.com

And for all of you who think we're on the same level, chumping me, and think I know nothing, and possibly think you're better than me, or don't need me around... Word to the wise... always respect your elders... and always respect those who have done more or accomplished more than you. If you pay attention and expand your knowledge from them, they might just help you become a better person and get better results in all facets of life not just the current sport than what you had previously accomplished. But hey what do I know? Nothing right?
It's game time. And I'm lookin to be the real deal.

Gnight

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:04 PM

April 16th ?
The selfishness sure isn?t lacking... Unbelievable.. Yeah 3 days out...
Current mood: Pissed off.
Irony. Evolution. Adaptation. Change. Motivation. Letdowns. Distractions. Detractions. Stress levels. Selfishness. Selflessness.
These are just a few of many facets of life. And in an extreme lifestyle such as the one I live at a 24/7/365 rate because that's who I am.... and when I'm surrounded by similar types, who take things to the extreme.... add in extreme times, and extreme measures, and the outcome is extreme results... AND LATELY PEOPLE ARE EXTREMELY SELFISH. And per the usual... it isn't me, even when I should be.
Guest posing when I'm sick, to much admiration sure, but little thanks. Staying up late talking people up when they're down, or keeping people on point, at the detriment to my own personal life/relationship/health/training. Sacrificing my sleep to be in the gym earlier for a few people just so they know I have their backs and to make sure they show up. Covering the store when I'm tired from my REAL job and want to relax myself...just so people can relax and get away. Working on transitions and music for routines with people when I was sick. Being there to listen to people's problems and tide things over either within themselves or what they're involved with.
Going out of my way for people all the time no matter the cost to myself, my life, my relationship, my training.... Yet when it comes time for the biggest moment in my life... all those I sacrificed and gave so much for aren't even around or giving back the same way. Yeah I'm just a little hot about it all, and I have every right to be.
Prepared or not prepared/conditioned enough or not... there was an obvious high chance I'd be heading to Panama.... There was enough notice in advance as far as date/time...when and why... YET NOBODY CAN MAKE IT FEASIBLE AROUND THEIR PLANS. NOBODY THOUGHT HMMM THAT MIGHT BE EXPENSIVE I MIGHT WANT TO START SAVING NOW JUST SO I CAN HAVE SUFFICIENT FUNDS TO GO SUPPORT HIM.
Don't worry. Don't think twice about it. It's all about you guys. Every last one of you. Not me. Not at all. I don't do jack ****. I've never helped any of you. I've never bent over ass backwards flipped myself six ways to sunday to ensure you guys were taken care of... just because... because you're my friends... because I felt for all of you and wanted to see you all happy. The expense to me, my life, my whatevers... didn't matter... None of you I guess even saw it or see it now. That's apparent.
So yeah, when I get back, regardless of the result... don't be surprised to see me less willing to help out. In a lot of aspects. If suddenly I'm not around as much, or not as willing to help, maybe you fools will realize what impact and how much of a part of YOUR lives I truly am/maybe was.
The sad part is... it's the little things. Say you're gonna do something and stick to it. That I can respect and understand. Wishy washy and indecisiveness I can't respect and refuse to understand. Especially when some of you say you have my backs and most of you might possibly know how hard it is to deal with different stresses and how much support helps you when you're heading into a show... Little things like texts or quick calls or just showing up at gym to say hey and keep it up or how ya feeling... etc... those show me ya care and are supportive...
Funny that two guys that I'm not as close with are showing more support and appreciation of my help than the guys/people I've helped out longer and have been side by side with over quite some time. Allan and Dave... I appreciate your guys support... why? Because it's been consistant and on point with what I've needed at different moments. Hasn't been wishy washy, hasn't been selfish, hasn't been one sided. Thanks bros.
Anyways enough of my rant there. Here's the blog most of you want to read about my training and daily life other than the emo-drama...
Mindset and mentality is kinda crazy. Have been confident and chillaxed while also tense and anxious. You have to live it/experience it yourself to understand it. While I'm pissed at the things in my rant above... I'm so ready to step on stage and findout what's up that it isn't phasing me as much as it would have 3-4wks ago.
As for stress, even with all the bull****, there's a subtle calmness underlying me. Probably not noticeable to those around me who see me be loud about the stuff I ranted about above... but I can feel it... I'm ready. I want this. It will go decently well.
I almost missed work today. I can't really say that as Erica somehow wokeup and jabbed me from my deep sleep on the couch (lord knows how/why I fell asleep there yet again.... this craziness of running brain and researching everything online has ran me into finding myself awake in this chair or over on the couch)...either way I'm sure Erica is sleeping better with me snoring out here than in the bedroom with her. So yeah... I was so startled I cussed outloud and said "Did I miss my show? What day is it?" Tells you exactly what's on my mind. And all through work today I kept insisting it was Friday and my show was tomorrow. Anyways... 3 more days of prep then it's game time... Work was interesting as I rolled in 25 mins late due to the sleep thing, and my boss has been super tolerant and cool about my different mindsets/modes when I come in there, a lot of it is carb dependent and sleep dependent... and while lately I've been lacking both, my mood has been great at work. And I've gotten things done. Everybody there can't wait til I bulk again as they want the faster working, nonquiet, let's get things done Benny back... Not the tired, slower, eh, Benny there that has been there past 2 months.... Needless to say, facing real days off from work tomorrow and the closeness of my show... Having the auditor there today wasn't actually that stressful for me. I was in rare form, joking with everybody and poking fun at everything. Hopefully leaving them with a good impression that I'll be back on my game come Tuesday when I return there. (Yes this time I am taking Monday off as well, to ensure proper rest and to let me unwind regardless of outcome)... Besides for a guy who never uses his sick days and doesnt like using his vacation days... a show gives me the most valid reason to miss work. So yeah... 3 discretionary days down, 1 sick day gone to that stomach thing, and 1 vacation day taken... how the hell am I going to get rid of my other 9 days of vacation time??? Oh well.... Work went well today. Closed one of my many pending loans, and the girls will close one of my real estates tomorrow, so for a less than productive Benny, somethings got done...
As for training and posing.... the final wk heading into a show is almost coasting. You get your cardio in, you finalize your posing, you tweak minor things, and you deplete.... Which leads me to way less time in the gym, and more focus on just timing of nutrition... And hopefully a tighter more ready body. I feel flat yet sharp. Depleted, yet ready to explode when the carbs hit... I can't wait for my body to soak up it's last water as I increase my carbs and drop the water... Vascularity is pretty amazing for me this yr. Base tan is set so much so that people think I've done a few shows this past wk and still have the paint on me. Everything is going well. Dave and Chris helped me setup my posing sequence and transitions for the night routine (thanks fellas)
Tomorrow gettin schedule written and set out. Will make changes via self aware assessment and phone calls. At this point I've done enough shows I can tell when Im flat and when I'm full, and when I'm early on timing or behind. Its just tweaks and adjustments... but should be alright. Less stress up there with just myself and Erica.
Benny bedtime. This might be my last update til after the show. Who knows. Leaving tomorrow and some of the guys will join us late fri.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:06 PM

Saturday is game time...
Got zero sleep last night. So at 530am went to gym...Got my depletion in. Got my hr of cardio. Came home tried to take care of more things before leaving... Then met up w/ Jarrod at Southern Muscle. They won't be going to Panama. Just the Joe's and Tony will be... oh well... hope I can make them wish they were there... but as I've always said I don't want anybody going who truly doesn't want to go or truly can't go. Just be upfront and decide early was all I was ever asking.
Anyways, battleplan is drawn. Using a spring loading technique this time around. Should have me looking cleaner and fuller on stage without spillover. Unfortunately... not that I actually care at this point... it means no going and killing crazy junk the night before. Palm Beach... I was throwin it down the hatch trying to prime for just the morning and knowing I was lacking full detail because I was technically 4-5wks out.... This one, we're keeping clean, dry, hard, and full... And my mind is all over it. I'm looking forward to plain foods on the night of for a change...we'll see where it lands me. At this point I'm about the nutrient counts and techniques... I could care less about the lil cheats/feel good meals people rave about... I want to come in on point, and I want to win. After 18wks... 2-3more days of the cleanest/crispest eating should be easy as it's so close to the goal that got me there.
Anyways my days are mapped out and spelled out to the T until after my final meal friday night. Feeling good, glad to have all distractions behind me. Didn't get the full hookup on the rental but thats ok as it still came in around price I had gotten quoted a long time ago when I first looked into traveling up there. Lacking sleep.... Erica and I decided I will get 2-3 hrs, we'll skip the busy traffic around Tampa... and travel late at night. Tomorrow we'll just chill. She'll be sleeping while I go and get that days food. (Best way to keep it to the tee, is to not buy anything that wasn't spilled out on that list.... therefore I'm doin the daily shopper routine and only getting what's needed for my 6 to 7 meals that day.
We already dropped Lilo off at Erica's mom's. So thats out of the way. Erica is already packed. I have most of my stuff gathered. Got my 430 meal in. Gonna sleep a bit catch my 730 meal after loading everything up... and gonna head out. I'll have my cell on me as usual, but I will be basically hands off to most everybody as I just want to relax and focus on me. Probably late night cardio when we get there then I'll retire to bed whenever. Tomorrow is just color and meal timing, with a dash of cardio and probably some posing. Aah the final wk is so different than all the rest. Good times.
Everything is set. Everything is behind me. I didn't say everybody... but yeah everything is behind me. If I don't update again, I'll catch you all on Sun or Mon. Keep me in your regular prayers and your bodybuilding prayers. Thanks!
Much love,
Ben

Thursday April 17th
UPDATE FROM PANAMA CITY:
(I'm just chillin in the computer lab at the hotel right now)
Erica and I got to the hotel around 430am or something like that. From no sleep the night before, and having to make sure absolutely everything was packed and together, and running all the different mapquests and preparing the music CDs for my show... and miscellaneous other activities before leaving... I took a quick nap and we came across the gameplan to avoid traffic and leave later... Well, it panned out nicely, as my energy was better, traffic was nonexistant, and I'm fairly certain with 2-3 bathroom stops and the early construction detour in New Tampa slowing us at the beginning, and a slow construction zone on highway 10 somewhere in north Florida for 17 miles... we still beat the mapquest's estimated 6hr time. The rental place gave me a Chevy HHR... which is like a PT Cruiser/Scion boxcar mix... at first because of the bad initial smell and how it was a brand new car but didn't look brand new, I was rather negative about it...and while it is rather different looking on the outside... the inside is spacious and the lil car can really go. I think it was the fault of the rental place and not the actual car that I had such a bad impression initially. The more I drive this thing, the more I like it. It handles extremely well and accelerates like a small sports car does... it also has all sorts of digital tracking/monitoring systems so stat junkie/dorks like me can be occupied the whole trip. Watched the outside temp go from 84 to 40 degrees as we got further north... and the PSI's in each tire changed with different turns, and the avg speed and also estimated mileage per tank was fun to watch as well in town compared to on highway. Yeah I'm a big dork, so be it. Chevy HHR while it looks kinda like an old person's car on outside and rather dorky, gets my non-Nascar high approval rating in comfort and driving performance.
Erica stayed up the entire trip (I was expecting her to be sleeping much like she and Jarrod did on the Palm Beach trip) and we had a lot of quality conversation and good one on one time with no distractions as nobody was awake/with us and Lilo was not with us so she wasn't bugging us for food/attention or licking our faces. I will miss her this wk, but hopefully she and I can enjoy a few pizzas when Erica and I get back late Sunday

Definitely happy with our progress as a couple and our whole transformation in working together on my shows. I love her very much and things I'm sure would be much like last year, a tragedy in competition, if I didn't have the NEW her around this year with all the help, love, and support she has provided this year. I love you beautiful thanks for everything!
As for how I'm looking, feeling, thinking... I'm ready. Jarrod is the man as far as this time goes... each time I look in the mirror after following the written script we worked out for this wkend, new lines are poppin and I'm looking better and better. The whole controversy and feelings from this past wk are just that, the past. I know Jarrod, Anneliese, and all the SM fellas have my back whether they always SHOW it or not...the SUPPORT is there. And I appreciate every last bit of it all from each of them. Everybody is different and handles things differently and thinks differently so while I can get upset at their tactics/decisions because it is different than my own opinion, I can't truly hold anything against them because in the end, they have to take care of their lives and simply just do their best to contribute in mine because they're all my friends. So to Jarrod, Anneliese, and all my SM people I do love you guys and want to thank you guys for everything.
So far Jarrod's written script for my tuning/tweaking heading into Saturday (since unfortunately he and Anneliese couldn't make the long trip) has been spot on. By the way... while I'm here, if any of you online fools live in the area and are buying your stuff online or have not stopped by Southern Muscle... YOU NEED TO. It's legit and they're an upstart self started company with no corporate backing, so if you're bigtime into this sport and live in our community you need to show support over there and make sure they get a fair crack against the corporate backed companies. You won't get the same personable staff between Jarrod, Anneliese, and myself anywhere else... not to mention there's no BS products where he's just trying to make a buck. Either he's tried the supps, I've tried the supps, Anneliese, or somebody in our training network has tried it.... to know whether it works or not and so it's legit. They are in the business to make a living and extend their knowledge, but not in it to make an extra buck at the expense of the customer like some corporate places are... so support them and buy your supps over there, and join the Southern Muscle family...
Okay that was my endorsement of Jarrod's store, and it's well deserving. Those of you who know me or kept up with my blogs know I'm blunt and straight forward and I'll give ya the truth so believe me and just take a visit over there.
Back to my update....I've done my shopping daily and followed the spacing/increments/nutrient breakdowns Jarrod worked out for me... again I've done things on my own before and it's an added stress and not always the best thing to do things your own as you can't always truly see yourself, so Jarrod thankfully is in on my hunt and helping out bigtime, as I just listen, give feedback as to what I'm feeling and what has worked and what hasn't worked for me in the past, and bammo.... we work something up and give it a try... The changes in my body since the Tampa last year, and even Palm Beach a few wks ago are a living testament to how much this sport is about knowledge, information, timing, and hardwork... So far everything has progressed beautifully and I am pumped to see how it all shakes down on Saturday morning. I've done enough shows to know whether I'm on point or not, and so far I'm feeling like I'm going to come in sharp and prepared with the best package I have ever been able to present on stage... now it's just left up to who else steps on with me and what the judges see/think as far as placings. As long as I come in the best I ever have, I'm feeling like I should be in the hunt. And if not, that just means I need to bring up my weaknesses further and put in more time in exaggerating the whole physique to overwhelm the others.
Alright I'm gonna go hit up some light cardio to move a bit and get rid of the travel legs. Everything is relaxed up here. I'm just doing my thing and waiting til Saturday. A congrats again to Spadoni and Hemi, and a big thanks to Jarrod, Anneliese, Chris, Allan, Matt, Dave, and all the rest of the SM guys and others for all the support and time put into this thing for me.
JoeG, JoeM, Tony, Mario, and his girl Sam are all set to come up Friday, and that should be a good time as well, as they're all amped up and stoked to be around a show at this level... gonna rock the T's and hopefully cheer me on as I hope to bring it home to B-town as a qualifier... It's always good and refreshing to be around people who are new to the game and want to know anything and everything about the sport... It definitely reignites passion in me and amplifies the importance of putting on a good show and coming in conditioned to really encourage their interest further... It should be a great experience for all of us....Definitely excited about everything up here...
I'm relaxed, new lines are poppin, everything is game on, and as ready as it can be at this stage. Food digested, light cardio time, then exfoliation time, and the first coat will be goin on. By tomorrow night when everybody gets in I should be the new black man from Southern Muscle they happen to call T.G.F.

haha... Alrighty well I'll update as boredom strikes or something cool happens. Thanks for tuning in and supporting me.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:08 PM

2nd Update from Panama before bed. April 17th, 1 more night before judgment day

Well everything was chillax today as I posted earlier. Got one layer on already and could hardly notice it since my base was so dark. Will get one more before bed, watch the final parts of my Bob Cicherillo DVD, and hopefully retire to bed at a decent hour.
Got weigh ins at 4pm tomorrow, so gonna knock that outta the way and not think about it. And Big J has worked up a lil more detailed plan/regiment that has me slingshotting into the Saturday morning prejudging after some up and down carb manipulation and a lil more dehydration this time than last time... in which the final outcome on stage should be pretty sick. Gotta keep in mind the first time workin w/ somebody is always a learning experience both ways. Luckily 5 wks ago we used Palm Beach as a tuner, since then, I got more conditioned, and Jrod sharpened up my diet/final wk regiment to a point where yet again, in this final phase of whatever wk we're in (I wanna say 15-18 somewhere in there) my body has turned a new leaf and the Freak is comin...
So J rod has me locked and loaded from a distance, I'm upset I missed the emotions and adrenaline from Spadoni's big win and Hemi's effort last night but just the stories alone have given me chills and extra motivation to do well on Sat. Congrats again fellas.
Today's cardio was different feeling too. On a treadmill with a belt that somewhat slips, and had a totally different incline feel... I sweated more than normal, and felt things workin a lil too extra at the beginning... But by the end of it I felt everything relaxed out.
Tomorrow's schedule is a few more layers, hittin every meal, weighin in, finalizing my night routine, and chillaxin with everybody later. Really sittin pretty comfortable on this one, and truly hope I can meet/surpass everybody's hopes and expectations, especially my OWN.
It's been one hell of a ride and it isn't over yet. Judgment day is one day away and it will let me know exactly what's up, where I stand, and after that I'll choose my next goal... not going to lie though, the fire has been lit, and I'm already preparing to get bigger and freakier... regardless of Saturday's placing. My future is not settled. I won't settle. We'll see where Saturday leads me.
Well I'm off to get another layer and catch up on sleep. Hope everybody is extra motivated after Newsome last night, and hope everybody has me and a high placing Saturday in their prayers.
Thanks and goodnight.

Friday morning update...Tomorrow it is on!
Current mood: Stoked and chill
Got two layers on last night, and then stood around playing video games while waiting for it to dry and Erica went to sleep. Lookin pretty dark but I'll be getting another coat here in a bit, another before weigh ins, and maybe one or two more after. That will leave me having hardly any work to do tomorrow except to frikkin bring it on stage. Then again, color is mostly Erica's work now and she's a frikkin pro at it now... So unlike the very first time where I was shouting commands and frustrated, now I just stand there calmly, quietly, and occasionally just ask her which position I should move to to help her out. Again my evolution as a competitor, her evolution into an even better gf/person, and our evolution as a couple... has me feelin good and very thankful for everything I've been blessed with. Thank you Erica for everything.
While playing NCAA, all I did while selecting each play was throw another pose, mostly worked on the lat pose... It was coming along beautifully and hopefully tomorrow I'm loose enough and warm enough and pumped enough to really throw the wings... If my legs continue to separate further and I can throw my lats properly... the boys on stage might just very well be in for it. (prayers again, want to stay healthy and bring a polished package to stage tomorrow, God and the BBing Gods will hopefully be on my side tomorrow)
Whatever Jarrod did to come to this wk's concept after working with me only once... I can't be thankful enough. Last night I went to bed sharp and poppin. This morning I wokeup a bit flat but deeper. Tomorrow I might have another surprise for people as some weird lower abs transformation is happening, where I'm almost pushin an 8 pack... compared to the conventional six... guess all that lower ab work (really the only abwork I do) is finally paying off. We'll see.
Aside from the occasional cramps last night, I'm feeling pretty good. Just hope the manipulations continue to have me progress and if I am to cramp on stage hopefully it will be one that is tolerable, manageable, and one that I can hide.
Droppin all water today after my second meal... diff than Palm Beach where I was kinda sippin throughout the day but everything is different this time... Much more relaxed, much more on point, every change Jarrod made has me lookin better and better as time passes, whether I'm flat or full... the body keeps turnin over, and not to be cocky or overconfident but I'm really feeling like I should take this show. I know myself and others will probably be dissapointed if I don't bring home first... So far it's lookin and feelin like anything but first isn't an option.
Well that's my update for now. Really ready for this one and should be coming in on point. Droppin the carbs soon and uppin the fats... Gonna be crazy lookin come tomorrow...Will update again later.
Peace
The Freak

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:09 PM

PM update from Panama
Well, just got back from weigh ins. I came in at 214. Not too bad considering the current condition I'm in. No carbs, no water. Just plain ass chicken... no preservatives or seasoning the past 3 meals. Relatively flat right now. Pretty tired. This carb slingshot technique we're doing, and not having water since noon, is taking its toll on me. Weigh ins were quick and painless, however driving the beach front and trying to find the host hotel was a pain in the ass.
Saw Tim Gardner briefly as he was driving away, will probably catch up to him at day break between morning and night show and see how he's doing since I haven't seen him since September. He's working w/ Amy and hopefully she'll get her qualifier. Best of luck to you Amy.
At weigh ins, my class had 5 guys listed... Myself, a 25yr old, a 46 yr old, a 53yr old... and then... Sergio Oliva Jr..... I saw the name and it sent chills down my spine. For those of you who don't know the name... his dad was a hall of fame BBer who competed against Arnold back in the day. Any time you compete against a name/a hall of famer's child... it ups the ante a bit. This will be different than Rafael at Palm Beach... a veteran there... Sergio Jr is 23 and on the rise. His 06 pics he was diced as a light heavy, this yr, two wks ago he used the Panhandle as a tuner and took it. He sacrificed detail for size but he is young and can turn it over. I'm curious to see what transformations his body has made in the past two wks... as this is gonna be one hell of a battle. He's got wheels and good proportining, with a good back, and great lat pose. I've got overall mass on him, better upper body detail and my abs should take him. It hopefully won't go to him being a hometown boy or the son of a legend... hopefully it will be a square and fair fight.
Didn't see anybody at weigh ins though. But a few people gave me the silent nod and said I was looking sharp... so that's always a plus when the randoms in the know at weigh ins nod their approval. And the promoter said it'd be close between Sergio and I... Now I'm really anxious for this thing to go down tomorrow. If anything this yr will let me know just where my career stands as right now, I dont think I can come in any better. And going against the likes of Rafael a veteran, and Sergio a guy with all the genes and knowledge in the world with youth in his arsenal... my standing/ranking amongst those will tell me just how much I need to go, or what else I need to do. Regardless J has me locked in. I'm loose, flat and flabby right now, but will hit some later carbs, and report in to J to find out our final battle plan for tomorrow. I'm def thinking a long offseason regardless, but the length will depend on whether I have a qualifier in my hands or not. We shall see.
Tension was riding high and hot as I absolutely hate traffic and being lost. And def tired and outta it with the low carb switch today. One and a half days to go until I get my life back. I'm excited.... but work is still to be done.
I'm off to get another coat, then the fellas should be rollin in... I just got my 2nd to final directions from J... gonna hit steak and take my rice cakes to the restaurant... god the **** we're willing to do for this sport... me an overly brown dude rollin into a Chili's with a a bag of rice cakes, ordering an 8oz and a takehome bag... not drinking water....eating half a small steak and taking the rest home for my final meal a few hrs later... you know that is fun times... If I win tomorrow I won't care about the looks and comments... then again I don't care about them anyways, this is Panama, these rednecks don't know me... and a BBer claiming to be a freak, has to take the looks as a freak with the freak territory he walks on... Yeah baby it's freak time and I'm bringin it!

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:10 PM

16 wks, another 3rd place at Nationals, and finally done. FINAL UPDATE ON PANAMA.
Current mood: accomplished
Well my friends and many viewers at home, you can be happy you probably won't see The Benny bulletins updated per day anymore for a longtime. My blog will still be here and I'll write when the mood hits me but the tracking/logging of my training... heading into Panama... is done after this one. I will be posting another blog with my future goals. But other than that, your nightly boredom cure will now be up to you as I get back to my life and my girlfriend and my friends. I do however want to thank you all for your interest and support in this blog/tracking and my efforts to do well at the National level. It isn't easy and a lot of you supported me strongly through the whole duration, and some of you don't even know me. So I just wanted to thank everybody for your support in the latest endeavor. Thank you all! NOW READ BELOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF...
After weigh ins, got the final adjustments via phone from Jarrod, and waited on everybody to roll in so we could all go eat my carb up meal. The Joe's and Tony rolled in, and we tried to wait on Mario and Sam but they met up with us later, as they didn't have TomTom to navigate them, and what should have been a 3 hr ride for them became a 5hr ride. Anyway, Chili's was the place, twice in a row... first time was excellent, second time (in between shows), the service was terrible (which actually scored us tons of free food so can't really complain there) and also can't complain because of that bad service the extra food was one thing but it allowed us to have more time with Steve Tsitas the up and coming pro, who graciously sat with us after I called him over...
Anyways let me get back to the competition update then I'll speak on my experience with Steve in a bit. After everybody finally got in and we got the meal in, we all went back to hotel, most people crashed out, but JoeG and JoeM and I stayed up discussing supplements and training for an hr or two more... Whoever thinks you sleep well before the contest of your life is wrong. I got my sleep in, but I was too amped and anxious to just say "ok bedtime kids" and then be out like a light... therefore it was good to discuss the sport with the Joes. So that was that, and we got to sleep in a bit as show didn't start til 10am and they ran everything efficiently...
Granted I've never had a competitor number as low as 65 before... but hey, even though the number of competitors was low, I don't think I've ever been to a show where each class had 2 to 3 legit/freaky physiques. Usually it's one or two classes with real competition and the rest aren't ready yet, but at this show, obviously because it was a qualifier... almost everybody brought it, and didn't embarrass the sport by trying to be on stage at the highest level before pros when they weren't ready for it yet. I'm just now getting there, and it's been a long road, so whoever these chumps are that don't have friends enough to say "hey man you'll look fat on stage don't go to that show" well I guess they can keep doing their thing until they learn. As many veterans have said before, if you keep bringing the same package to every show and you didn't change/learn something, you wasted the experience and sort of embarrassed yourself. Anyways that was my rant on people doing shows they shouldn't... SO yes, high praise to the level of competition at this show. And a high praise to Pat Sporer and his staff for running a fast and efficient day. From weigh ins Friday until trophy presentations Saturday night... everything was efficient and with a purpose. I can't remember the last time I was on and off stage before 1230 for the prejudging... And I will say it is extremely smart to have the girls do their 2 piece after the men's comparisons in the morning. It gives them enough time to switch from their ones to their two's and retouch up their makeup and color if they sweated or something moved their color. It also allows the men to get out earlier so they can refuel and put on a better show at night. Well done. Well planned.
As for my comparisons... Man I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can't remember the last time I felt some adrenaline in a pose down because everything usually is so clearcut as to your placings before you even step out on stage. Backstage and with experience, you start to know who came in tight and dry and who didn't, and who's lagging this or that, and where you got some guys beat. Well, in my class this time, the top 3 of us had strengths and weaknesses. It was a silent honor to step on vs Sergio Oliva Jr. as his dad was a legend who beat Arnold on stage. I know the genes I was up against and I stereotyped his story that he'd be getting help from his dad. After talking w/ Jr it was clear to me he wasn't the closest to his father but the genes were the same and the passion for the sport was the same. His transformation over the past few years tells me he is going to be in this sport for a longtime, and his night routine definitely told me he has the presentation skills and charisma to be an entertaining pro if he can get there. Needless to say it was he and I face to face, with one other nice guy Dan, who just happened to take the overall a few yrs ago and lost his qualifying period due to being enlisted in the military. I definitely think the NPC out of courtesy for those serving our country should put a freeze time on the qualifying eligibility of that competitor who earned it and then had to leave the country to serve us.
So there's the outline, me... Legend Jr... and Dan... 2 well established, and me the no name underdog who always gets 3rd... we also had 3 others up there who brought in good physiques but I didn't notice them fully as we all kind of knew backstage it'd be the 3 of us going at it for 1-2-3 and the others fighting for 4th and 5th.
I wish I had known we were going to be on stage so quickly so I could have slammed more carbs in. While I wasn't flat, I don't feel I was fully pumped and popping... and I attribute that to my experience of shows taking forever and leaning on that, while not receiving notice of time to stage unless we stayed in the back. I already spoke w/ Pat on this, as that was the only adjustment to the show I saw necessary. I don't want to stay backstage the whole show when my friends drove forever, but then again if I'm trying to get to Pro level maybe I need to just know to stay unsociable during the show and talk about it all after... so I can be in the back getting the predicted times to measure out my carb slams better. Anyways enough of that rant, at least I wasn't flat on stage, and I definitely brought my best package to date (thanks Jarrod for lighting the fire and leading the way) and obviously this year after 16 wks of my regiment, it was only good enough for 3rd. So like I stated in previous blogs, I am by no means discouraged by my placing. Going head to head w/ the genes of Oliva, or a seasoned overall like Dan... I'll take my 3rd, I'll take my lessons, and I'll light my fire for the next time I plan to step on.
And as I said, I truly had fun going head to head with those guys. The judges kept me between them the whole time, and that plays mind games with you as usually when you're the center, you're the top dog... So we had no clue who had who, or what the placings were going to be... The funny thing is, while up there, I felt the hunger of everybody. This wasn't the feel of a local. These guys were bringing everything they had and we all wanted the same thing. So that rush was worth it as well, as sometimes at locals its either a trainer just trying to motivate his clients, so he steps on, or it's a guy talked into stepping on stage cause he "has good genetics and should be a bodybuilder"... Just because you have good genes, doesn't mean you have what it takes to be a legit bodybuilder. I've had the genes, and I've shown glimpses of having what it takes to be a legit bodybuilder, only now have I shown the full fire/drive/desire to really be legit. So yeah it was nice being up there throwin down w/ Dan, Sergio, and the others.
Some of the pics from www.iajephoto.com from the comparisons came out straight nasty and I will have to order quite a few from this one as it was definitely the biggest show of my life and such a different feel on stage compared to the others. Sergio and I liked our specific sides to show, he liked his right, and I always prefer presenting my left... so it left us literally face to face on almost every comparison. That's the stuff posters are made of. And it was cool to be like 'whats up man, bring it, i got this' back and forth a bit with him. I'd say he got me on legs and presentation. The kid is the real deal and I wish him all the best in his future and I told him I hope to step on against him again in the future. The other guy Dan, was serious enough to bring the best physique, and his quiet/subtle ways, tells me he likes to be the sleeper at shows... meaning he doesn't like to be known but he likes to win... cool/different personality... and I respect his placing and physique. Definitely the hardest comparisons I've ever had, and I'm thankful I survived it. I didn't train 16wks to crap out in comparisons again like my 06 nightmare at a local. So yeah we worked our butts off in the morning comps, and they added a twist as they had us free pose but not move against each other... So that was neat as well. Granted it does test your stamina. I didn't cramp, but my hand did slip twice because of HotStuff, and overall I hit a few poses solid, but definitely wish I would have been in better condition so I could focus on posing and presentation more. Oh well, you live and learn. And I intend to get better at everything.

**Benny5** · 05-31-2008, 09:12 PM

So the morning show ended and we were uncertain as to our placings. I was kept in center whole time but kinda knew I didn't bring the best conditioning of the 3 so I myself didn't know what was going on. It felt like a battle between Sergio and I, and I'm thinking 1-2.... little did I know it was a battle, but it was 2-3. Speaking w/ Steve Tsitas after it as well as Tim Gardner, while not being the official judges, they have professional eyes for the sport and they both placed me 3rd so I kinda knew, barring a difference in opinions from the judges (which would be rare for 2 people in the business that long to have same answer and be wrong...which does happen sometimes, and lord knows I was wishing they were... but just wasn't the case) 3rd it is. 3rd it always has been. Until next time...
Speaking of times... Steve Tsitas the up and coming pro spent a lot of time with myself as well as other competitors in giving feedback and acknowledging strengths and weaknesses in each. I know he dispensed quick tips to me immediately upon seeing me before the prejudging and our first conversation, and that alone meant alot to me. And then throughout the day you'd see him speaking with different competitors, in a guiding and passionate for the sport way. And you just can't put a price on that experience alone. To have a legit competitor in the sport be generous and show his passion for the sport enough to spend some time speaking w/ each of us through various times backstage... speaks well for the future of the sport if there can be more like him...
As for an unexpected lunch... with a crappy service at Chili's, we were fortunate enough to have Steve walk in. By we, I mean myself, Erica, and the Freak Fanatiks who came up to support me (thanks guys, it meant alot to me)... He and his wife Claire walked in and I called him over for an invite. He could have just been polite and dismissed us and returned to his table but he sat down next to Erica and I... and it was a privilige and an honor to sit with him and have his captivated interest in conversation. He went over everything, between politics, training techniques, relationships, seriousness, scheduling... the works... It was a great motivator and reminder about what it takes to be successful at a high level. And I appreciate the fact that he sat with us and dispensed all of that experience and knowledge on his own accord. It would have been easy for him to politely say hey and then go eat on his own, but he accepted the invite, sat down, and put a lot of time into me as well as dispensing info to the group. Picking up the camera and going through some progress pics and going over posing and diff techniques, I was all ears and it showed me he was interested in helping me get better and to the 1st place I am so hungry for. That lunch alone, with Steve and the whole group was worth the trip for me. Thank you Steve, Claire, and all the Freak Fanatiks who made the trip. And of course, Erica for being by my side through ups and downs in moods/scheduling, and loving and supporting me through it all. Thank you beautiful I love you!
After lunch we went back to hotel for a bit, almost everybody conked out, and I simply put my routine music in and worked over a routine in my head. While I had a general outline in my head, I hadn't fully practiced it. What else is new? No pressure at night show in NPC anyways, so it's all good. Had a brief hr and then headed back for the night show.
In what I expected to be a sold out crowd... obviously the turn out this yr wasn't what they expected, but the facility at the Marina Civic Center was fantastic. Spacious, with good lighting, good seating... and one hell of a sound system... the routines were fun to watch. You know it's good stuff when an old man comes out to Breaking Benjamin and rocks the house. And of course everybody used JoeG's patented 300 music... haha bro thats what ya get for liking what everybody else likes. I enjoyed Steve's guest posing routine as he used a song part in his mix that I used in my mix when I guest posed and he really brought it way more than I did... So again it was a nice reminder of how much I'm going to have to amp my training/prep/routine if I want to get further in this sport.
And then we have Sergio... yet again... You know you have charisma and something special when everybody backstage stops what they're doing and watches your routine... This kid brought it like a pro. Every transition, every beat, every pose, was smooth, solid, and locked in... I'd truly be surprised if he didn't make it to the next level. It will take time, yes, but he's got the earliest signs of being a younger version of his dad. And in this sport being anything like a legend is a good thing.
Needless to say, I'm thankful I didn't put any pop/lock movements into this one as I had to follow that badboy. My Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight" rock cover set a decent tone, and then true to form I went a lil nuts when my 3 Days Grace "Never too late" hit.... Again not really pre worked out or practiced, but it passed. Video can be found shortly here or youtube after I get it loaded. Don't mind the Joes they went apes on a few moves... The xmas tree to the high part of Phil Collins drums came off ok... I got into it early... but it's all good.
Anyways, I got 3rd. I put in a good showing. I learned a ton. I got away from work for a while. I got to relax a bit. I got to dispell information to the younger guys. I got to sit with a pro for 2 hrs and he graciously dispensed a lot of info and interest in me. Thanks again Steve. And the trophy, oddly enough, really represented/symbolized everything this blog has been about... it's an Atlas guy on his knee, with the world on his shoulders... appropriate for sure.
I enjoyed my time with Mario, Sam, JoeG, JoeM, and Tony. I appreciate you guys coming all the way up there and supporting me. I'm glad you all enjoyed your first show and I hope it gives you motivation to prep for your own or continue to support others when we prep for ours. Thank you guys a ton. It means/meant alot to me to have you there.
Thanks to the SM guys for texting and calling throughout. Jarrod for setting up the plan that brought my best physique to date. It's your guys turn now. Kill it!
Thanks to Charlie for being the older voice and keeping me in high spirits througout this process. You never waivered from believing in me and that means a lot to me bro. When you're tuning or doubting, you let me know how I can help bro, I'll be there. Thanks for being the calm and steady positive influence the past few wks... it helped me a ton.
And finally, a thanks to Erica... Definitely could not have done all of this without you. While we had our rough moments, and stupid yelling matches, we quickly diffused them and came out stronger. You were my backbone these past 4 months whether you know it or not. I love you and thank you so much for everything you invested in me. And I absolutely love you more everyday as I see us grow, and educate ourselves about each other, and we're embracing each other's passions... Thank you beautiful. I love you.
It's food time. And then I'm off to plan my bulk these next few months...
Oh...I'm guessing some of you are curious as to my weight now and what I ate after....
Last night I got up to 236... a lil diff than the 214 at weigh ins huh? haha... time to get to 260 and above baby... offseason here I come....
Items I ate post show at O'Charley's.....
2 cookie things
2 bowls of ice cream
2 brownie cakes
4 quesadillas
2 (i attempted 6, with the order) anyways 2 mini burgers
3 potato skins/toppers
1.5 plates of fries
Half a chicken sandwich
A few chicken tenders
Half a strawberry somethin daquirry Erica ordered (yeah I still don't drink alcohol onseason or offseason, but that thing tasted alright)
1 pitcher of water

Yeah that was the first night.

The next day....
Continental breakfast...
8 danishes
2 bagels
8 small cubes of cheese
2 yogurts

Lunch was really just Dippin Dots as we were out at the Beach....
Snacks and dinner on way home....
King Size Reese's (4 cups basically)
1 large bag of Pizza Crackers
1 large bag of Quaker SnackMix (Erica ate some too)
1 mint chocolate ice cream sandwich
2 Vitamin Water/Energy waters
Half a gallon of water
Then at a rest point, I ordered....
3 triple cheeseburgers, 1 large fry, and a 10 piece McNugget from McD's
Then when we got into Brandon.....
Went on an ice cream hunt.... found nothing....
Walmart had nothing, so got a Cranberry jug, a 1 gallon jug of water, and a box of chips-ahoy...
Went over to TacoBell, got a small personal pan pizza, 2 caramel apple pies...
So I ate:
1 caramel pie (the other one went to Lilo and Erica)
I chugged the gallon of cranberry juice
I devoured the personal pan pizza
and I annihilated half the chips ahoy cookies.

Feeling great today. How you guys feeling after reading all of that?

Thanks for the interest and support. It's good to be back. So I'm 3rd at a National level this yr.... sometime in the future I will take a first... I promise myself that.
Thanks everybody,
Ben
The Genetic Freak

Thread: Benny's Mindset as he prepared for his last show...

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